Master Antony Graf's Perspective on Growth, Mindset, and Martial Arts Business in Modern Life

In episode 4 of the Membership Business Growth, Ron Sell is joined by Antony Graf as he shares his insights on growth in the martial arts and fitness industry. Antony, a highly successful school owner and martial artist, discusses the importance of routine, mindset, and passion in achieving business growth. He also emphasizes the power of making a difference in the lives of others and the role of gratitude in finding happiness. 

Tune in now to gain expert tips and inspiration for your own business growth journey.

TIMESTAMPS

[00:02:55] Positive Self-Talk Importance.

[00:05:13] Martial Arts Family Lineage.

[00:10:12] Chasing Fulfillment Through Medals.

[00:13:03] Finding Balance and Happiness.

[00:18:19] Breaking Through Severe Anxiety.

[00:22:06] Love Languages and Communication.

[00:26:01] Physical Touch and Emotional Intelligence.

[00:31:03] Finding your Ikigai.

[00:35:18] Roles and Responsibilities.

[00:38:02] Learning from Successful Influencers.

[00:41:14] Wisdom from the Past.

[00:45:54] Simplifying Complex Concepts.

[00:49:23] Mastery Through Time and Effort.

[00:53:26] Getting in Shape with Antony.

[00:58:10] Coaching the Right Behavior.

[01:02:34] Powerful Life Lessons.

[01:04:33] Neurological Connection of Love.

[01:09:32] Perception of Luck in Life.

In this episode, Ron Sell and Antony Graf discuss the importance of being obsessed with what you do and how it can lead to success. Antony also shares his personal experience of using positive self-talk to overcome self-doubt and fight off negative thoughts. He emphasizes the impact of words on our psychology and how they can shape our actions and beliefs.

QUOTES

• "And this is where I understand that the investment makes a difference because it becomes my reputation of who we are. And that's how we actually grow the school because we become local legends." - Antony Graf
• "If it's not you, then who's going to step up? Who's going to make the difference if you give up on them? Who's next in line? And they're not going to care as much as you because you know who you are and you know what you can do because you've seen this kid before in a different body, in a different mind." - Ron Sell
• "The number one thing with focusing kids is to look in their eyes. When you look into their eyes, you're making a direct connection with that kid. They will show them love. And number one thing is you're going to make sure that they know that you're paying attention to them.” - Antony Graf

SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS

Ron Sell

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ronsell/

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/masterronsell/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ron-sell-684920a3/

Antony Graf

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/antonygraf/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085271464865

WEBSITE
Spark Membership: https://sparkmembership.com/

Believe Martial Arts: https://www.believemartialarts.com/

Transcript

Welcome to the Membership Business Growth Podcast, the number one podcast for martial arts and fitness business owners. We'll dive deep with industry legends to bring you insider secrets on marketing, sales, retention strategies, and life's balancing act. Get expert tips for business growth right here, right now on the Membership Business Growth Podcast. Let's kickstart the action with your host, Ron Self. 

Super excited. We've got Anthony Graff as our guest today talking about growth. So, Anthony, you have a really amazing school down in South Florida. I've watched your videos. You're so good at inspiring people. So I knew I had to have you on the show today. So thanks for being here, brother. 

Well, my big brother, Master Ron Sell, I am so grateful to be on this podcast. I'm humbled and You know, it's so funny you get that like imposter syndrome because I just see how hard you work and everything you do and how inspired you are into like, whenever you do, you do it right to the point of obsession. And I love obsessed people. I don't care if you're obsessed with Rubik's cubes. Tell me about it. And when it talks to you, when you start talking about AI and the integration and spark about like how and even in the building and you know, in your customer service, you guys are so hands on and so in love with what you do. And I admire that, you know, and it inspires me. So thank you. 

Man, I appreciate you saying all that. Yeah. I, I love that word obsession. I think, I think people look at other people that are obsessed and they think they're crazy, but I like, I'm crazy about what I do and why we do it, you know? So call me obsessed. I'll take it. 

You know what? Obsessed is what the lazy call the dedicated. Right. Right. And I, and I, I'm like, that's not obsessed. It's like people, when there's a difference, people call people who are organized OCD. Right. No, there's a difference. OCD is cutting your cake into a thousand pieces, you know, and wiping down your doorknobs. I go, but if you have your shirts and color coordinated, you're organized. Don't confuse the two. You know, if I keep my school clean, I'm organized. It's not OCD. 

There's a difference. 100%. I love it. Just the way you look at things in life. 

Well, thank you, sir. 

I appreciate that. Mindset is so important, man. I think everybody's always looking for tactics and strategies and all that stuff. And I truly believe that 80% of your success or more really comes down to how you think about things. 

You're speaking to my heart right now. And obviously, the first, I remember, I'm big on, when I was a little kid and I was training, I would always talk to myself. I would go, come on, Tony, let's go. You got this. My sob on him was old school, you know, like, and he'd be like, this is, I'm doing my impersonation, but Tony, what are you doing? Stop talking to yourself. What's wrong with you? Right. Cause he was, he, you know, he thought I was just being crazy. Then I remember my first sports psychology book I read was about positive self-talking importance and the power of it. And I was like, wait a minute. I instinctively was doing it right. Cause what I was doing was I was fighting the demons. Right. And all of that, you know, there was a bad angel on my shoulder telling me I wasn't good enough. And then I was verbally telling me, you know, get the hell off my shoulder. You're a piece of crap. I'm the winner. Step away. So, you know, I think that, you know, words are brain and they make a big difference. And on our psychology, 80% of what we do is I psych our psychology. So I think understanding and being aware of are the demons there. Right. And can we can patrol them? 

Yeah, I a million percent agree with you, brother. You know. You can learn a tactic that someone else, another maybe school owner, has told you that was successful. And you could try to do it every, you try to emulate everything that they did and not get the same result. And then someone else would emulate everything they did and get a huge result. And I think that really comes down to, maybe I need to change my way of thinking about certain things to get the same result. i've seen that happen so many times man so many times people would say hey you told me to do this and it doesn't work maybe it's just my town or it's the people that are here it doesn't work and i'm thinking well maybe it's the the thing between your two ears you know what i mean like like you have to have that mindset of growth not the fixed mindset but the the mindset of growth of humbleness that kind of stuff for any of this to work right so hey can you before we start can you Can you tell, you know, everybody like a brief couple minute history of your martial arts journey? That'd be super helpful. 

Sure. And then I want to go dive into it. I want to pick on you a little bit today because I am obsessed with people that are in martial arts families. When I talk to, you know, our big brother, GMP, I ask him about his dad a lot. 

Yeah. 

You know, I want to ask about your mom. And I say that a lot because I'm I have kids in the program and I just, I just think that the lineage is important. I think that, I think there's something so beautiful in this value and this family we grew up in and they have so much to give us as Sabanims, you know? So we'll get back into that, but let's go over my journey. Obese. I was a fat kid. Go figure, right? Now I'm twitching my muscles when I talk to you. I had scoliosis and I was bullied. I was a New York City kid. My mom went to the doctor, you know, and my parents were frugal. They're post-World War. My dad had me at 47. So you have to understand he would be, he's past, he would be 90 now, right? So they're both were born during the war, World War II. So they're old school. They were old school. They didn't like they were the way they interacted with me, the way they, um, you know, even with the way they were worth money, you know, and, but they went to the doctor and the doctor said, Hey, this kid has scoliosis. Um, and he's, he's happy. He needs to start working out. So my mom put me in a martial arts program and, um, and it changed my life. Right. But here's the thing. So I got my ass handed to me in the beginning. handed to me. I started like at 11 years old and I was like playing catch up. I was a fat kid. I was like doing this and I would lose. And then got a little lucky. I started winning. Then I lost for a year straight, but I fought 12 times a year. I was, I was lucky enough. I was to be our blessed enough to be, to live four blocks from a national team member. He actually wasn't on a national team when I first started training with him, but he came that year. And then he was, so he was, he was training under Herb. He took his spot. That was my sub on him. So I trained with Herb and I trained with my sub on him, which is Peter Barrazos. And the funny thing is, I started in Taekwondo and within four years, I was an adult national champion. 

That's crazy. 

So I, yeah, so I won my first adult nationals at 127 pounds. Um, you know, and I learned trial by fire, but the one thing about me is like, I, it was, I had nothing. I, I was worthless. I had no character for, I mean, I ate, um, I crumbled up, uh, Entenmann's donuts into my cereal for breakfast. And when I was 16, I stopped eating beef and pork. you know, I was like, I would, I would, uh, protein bars would be my sweet tooth. I was all in. I, if I had my, if you cut off my leg, I would have, I would have hopped through a fight. And the reason is because it was, you know, it was all I knew was all I had and was my only purpose. And I was all in, you know, ill, ill shit, right. I was all in. Um, and I was so blessed to be around that proximity of great people, but I also immersed myself. I mean, six, seven days a week, you know, four hours a day, five hours a day. And the reason I knew how to train like a, like a national champion, a world champion is because my subordinate was an athlete and I was just a punching bag. If I didn't show up to training, he was pissed because he didn't have a body to beat on. It wasn't like, I'm not getting the paycheck. It's like, where are you? You know, I need my, you know, I need bodies. And, um, So that was on my trial by fire. Because of these blessings, I, um, I became pretty successful. I was, um, I mean, nine national teams. I was, uh, alternate for two Olympic games to both Oh four and Oh eight to Steven Lopez. Who's arguably the group, not probably arguably, but the goat of, of sports condom. And, um, and I was, you know, I've, I've met him. I won us open German open. I want them all. And then I have a Pan Am silver medal in heavyweight. So my first national championships was 127 pounds. And my Pan Am Games silver medal at 5'8 was a loss to a Cuban who I actually beat before, who was 6'7 and 240. And I'm 5'8, so just give you a heads up on that one. So that was my career as that goes. But my real purpose, what I found is this, is that I was chasing these medals for fulfillment, to feel like I was something. When I was a kid, I would draw on my notebook, you know, national champion on the top of my martial arts school and all my accolades. None of that stuff was enough. It never filled the void. And the one thing that I found that did help was when I was teaching, Um, was making a difference in a kid's life, making an impact, having the parent come back to me and fixing the things, the hurt that I had and the pain that I had. I didn't need the metals. I needed the, uh, the stuff that I learned along the way to the metals, to be okay with myself. And if you go to my school today, there was, there's no mention of the things I've won. There's no metals up in my school because when a parent comes in, all I do is tell them how I can change their kid's life. And that's how we developed over the years because of my passion is a nickname is the kid whisperer because we've been able to make such an impact on what we do in kids lives. So, and it comes down to my purpose and my purpose was that I wasn't enough. I felt when I was a kid and it wasn't true, but my parents didn't have the tools, nor did I as a child to know that. So my ultimate goal and mission in life became to Give parents and kids the tools to know that they're enough. And that's what I believe is Sabo Nim is. And we talked earlier, right before the podcast, and I wanted to go is like, we have so many, as grown men, we still looking for that. We're still looking for growth. We're still looking for that. I go, and I call it, you know, that probably my next book is searching for Sabo Nim, you know, searching for a sensei or a senpai. And I see that metaphor. You know, I've, we've both, you and I were addicted to growth, the seminars and clinics, and whether it be you going to, you know, a John Maxwell, Tony Robbins, a AI event, you're growing and you're learning and you're getting out of it. And I mean, you went to an AI event, you want to tell me about, you said, um, there's nothing here, but what you did get was confirmation bias and the fact that you know what you're doing. 

Yeah. I knew like a hundred times more than they did. Yeah. 

Isn't that sometimes that's even worth it. Right. Cause it's like, cause sometimes we like our confidence boost is like, we need that too. We need a pat on the back. We need a boost in the ego to let us know that, Hey, we're doing okay. And I think that life is a balance of between of like make it better. Right. Because make it better is the desire to be like, I got to keep going. I got to make it better. I got to make it better. But if we live there, we will never be happy. Yeah. So the funnel light, but we have to have this balance of like, Oh, make it better. And, um, it's I'm enough, you know, I'm enough for this. And I say that, um, actually I, instead of saying make it better, I say it could be worse. I try not to live in. It could be worse because it could be worse becomes an excuse, right? You make a thousand dollars a month. You say it could be worse. You're going to be stuck. You know, you hustle. But then again, you know, if you, you're having a, You know, if you're complaining of the difference between, you know, your G-Wagon and your Ferrari, you say, you know, it could be worse. Take a breath and relax and enjoy the process, you know? So like, I think this is constant balance here as a Savonim, and sometimes we need each other to check it, you know? 

Right on. I had that conversation yesterday with my wife, as a matter of fact. about happiness and where it comes from. And I said, I think it comes from gratitude, you know, because we are or even our whole family is growth minded. We're we're how do we help more people? How do we do more? How do we get more? How do we have better experiences? And we both said, yeah, but man, what a great life that we have. Like, we're so blessed and lucky. And that's where the happiness comes from, right? 

Yeah. And here was the thing, too, is that, you know, Ron, you've shared your story about hitting rock bottom. 

Yeah. 

So it's hard, right? When people don't understand that, like their gratitude comes from that. And I think that for me, you know, the, you know, we're, we're big on grateful statements. I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful. And that's great, but I don't trigger my heart. Doesn't go. When I say it could be worse, then I'm able to reflect. It's like when you're, when you're, when you have a loved one that's close to death and then they live, you are so grateful. Right. They're there every day. It's just like, yeah. But if you can't imagine that. So sometimes it could be worse. It's just a really good, you know, sorry if that was really loud smack in the face, put me in perspective, you know. 

Right. I get. Yeah. Yeah. So you. There's a lot I like about you, brother, and every time I sit with you, I I learn a lot from you and you got such a great school down there. So let's let's talk about growth. How did you get there? What are you doing? you know, when it comes to growth in your, in your school, in your, in your life and your business. 

Okay. Well, yeah. So number one thing is, um, I'm the easiest person in the world to assassinate. Okay. I say that because you know, it's at seven o'clock. I'm working out every morning. You know, you know what I'm eating for breakfast, you know, when I'm going to be in the cold plunge, you know, I'm the routine guy. I like myself. Now I mix it up when I go to the gym. I, you know, my, right. I keep my, my, uh, my parameters with my nutrition, but you know, I'll, I'll mix that too, but I'm very predictable and I, you know, and I, and I listen when I need spice of life, I'll mix it up. We'll go on vacations. We'll take a step away. But I know that doing the work and having consistent routine is more important. We've talked about this. I go, the routine is for me is more important than, uh, than just discipline. Because when I'm in routine, I don't have to think about my workout. I just do it. But if I have to get motivated every day, some days ain't gonna feel like it. But if it's just something I do unconsciously, you know, and it becomes my routine and becomes my pattern, then that'll make all the difference. And a lot of the things that we do in my program is routine. I have two schools, you know, and they run efficiently. I get to teach when I want to teach, not because I have to teach. And I love to teach. So that's the thing. Um, and you know, I, I always put myself in the position in the business of where I get to do what I want to do. And, um, you know, one of the things is I know who I am. So for example, I'm going to use GMP again, as an example, I, you know, you did Tony Robbins business master, right? Yes, I have. What are you? You're an artist entrepreneur. Um, do you remember it was artists. entrepreneur or manager? 

Yeah. I think, I think I'm an artist. I'm an artist too. Okay. 

But knowing that, right. So GMP is an entrepreneur. Yup. Now, you know, 10 locations, you know, like it says, you know, okay, spark, you got the idea. You're the artist. Let's go. Here's the, let's go, let's get going. Like I'm investing, I'm risking my house, whatever it takes, you know, like he's, he is the entrepreneur. Now for me, I'm an artist. Like I will always like, when it comes down to it, even in my, my sales are so genuine because they're not sales. They're just like, right. Like I've been spending, I'll give you an example. And this is where I understand that the investment makes a difference because it becomes my reputation of who we are. And that's how we actually grow the school because we become local legends. And, um, I have a kid right now who is 13 years old with severe anxiety to the point where he doesn't go to school anymore. I got him in for an evaluation. We did it. I was able to break him out of his shell using all my hundreds of thousands of dollars I spent on my tips and tricks, right? Everything from NLP to, you know, like everything that I've learned from every seminar clinic, from personal experience, it worked. You know, that's why they call it the kid whispers. Then class comes, won't get out of his car and be able to semi-trained him from his car. And this was, and then I go show up. I know where it's, let's go baby steps at the end of class. Let's get you into the school. And I start to read them and we were making progress every day. And I said, just like a mom, the worst thing you could do is not show up, just show up. And she goes, well, I know you gotta be, it's classes are over and I know you don't want to spend time with your family. And I go, I stopped her and I go, when I change your son's life, I'm going to brag about it to my family. You understand this? I go, you're not wasting my time. You're you're what you're doing is you're making sure that I show my share my share my passion with my kids. I let them know that we will make a difference and we can as long as because guess what? I'm not going to quit. The only thing that you can quit is you. He's not even allowed to quit as long as you don't let him because guess what? I don't know any other program that's going to stick with this kid until he gets his ass in there. And for me, I made it a personal mission, because I see myself in that kid. And then we finally, I started to read him. You'll see in my book, you know, we talk about love languages. You know, are you familiar with the five love languages or no? 

Oh, yeah. I mean, we this might not be what you're supposed to do, but me and my wife take the test every year and just in case something changes. And we just took the the love languages testing a couple of weeks ago, and we went through a whole seminar with it a week ago. 

again. I'm going to say it right now. Yes. 

Because most people aren't even, they have trouble with their relationships and they don't work on it. Yeah. I go, I go, how do you grow? And here's the thing is my wife and I are going to Wim Hof together. 

Oh, very cool. I did that too. Like a couple years ago. 

Yes. So we're going to Poland. We're going to go and do that. So we're, we're going for a six day retreat. And the reason is I, where our values are aligned, we're connecting. And if I'm growing, I'm either growing with my wife or I'm growing apart from her. 

Right. 

Right. So like, and that's the thing is now, not only as we can go on a vacation and look at stuff and take pictures in front of giant monuments, I go, but when we have to focus on our breathing, when we have to suffer together, when we have to, you know, whatever it is, that's growth. You know, that's how we go like this. And not only that, but we're conscious of it. We ask ourselves, we talk about it, we know our love languages, and we communicate. So understanding that love languages are universal, whether it be a kid or an adult, right? So for example, do you mind if I ask what your love language is? 

Yeah, words of affirmation. 

Oh, yeah. 

Your wife's exact same. My daughter. I had my daughter take the test. Yeah. Hers is exact same. Yes. Her fiance is totally different. And and she was wondering, I wonder why we're not, you know, communicating the same way. I'm doing all this stuff. And she was basically doing words of affirmation. And his was totally different. And so that's something that they both corrected. I had him take the test. So he and we all did it like a little meeting where now we all know where we're at. So if if I want love, this is how you communicate to me. If he wants love, this is how you communicate. It's been it's made it's made an incredible difference in just two weeks. 

I'm like, I'm I got goosebumps right now. 

You know what I did? I even had Nelson, Nelson, our COO of spark, had him take it because I was like, well, how do I show the people that I care about? I love them. Well, the way they want to, the way they want to feel love. So I even had my staff do it. 

So funny. We have, we have, um, there's a story in my book and I wasn't going to put it in, you know, we have fables in my book that kind of teach lessons. And I was like, ah, I don't know. This is a pretty, I don't know if it makes sense. And it kind of a little weird. And then I found it popping up in my life over and over again. So it was, um, it's this rabbit. He's sitting on the side of a lake and he's, uh, fishing with carrots for bait. Fish is the first day doesn't catch anything. Second day doesn't catch anything again. Third day, a giant fish pops out and he goes, if you keep using carrots for bait, I'm going to kill you. And I was like, okay. And then. somebody got me a pair of, uh, uh, again, got me make sure that got me something that doesn't speak to me. They got me a whiskey shirt. I don't drink whiskey. You know what I mean? Like, and I was like, I was like, they're not, they weren't thinking about me. They were thinking about what they like. And then I go, wait a minute, how many times are we communicating with people? And I go, this is going in the book. As long as you can attach the moral correctly, And I go, that's, I go, that's such an important lesson in life. And I go, you have to speak in the way that people understand. 

Right. 

And so back to this again. So why I say that is because your words of affirmation, I am, so I understand that I'm obviously all manner of physical touch. You know, we're all everything. That's close. Number two, that's a close number two. So, but I'm physical touch. I'm all, but I'm, uh, acts of service. That's why I give and receive an acts of service. And so that's why I'm very good at, um, serving people and attending people. Cause I get pleasure when I create, when I'm, uh, when I create good service, right. When I have a good experience at my, my, with me or my studio. And then, uh, I also in physical touch, if I like you growing up in martial arts, you know, who you hit, you hit the people you love. You're like, Hey, you start, we start like you ever seen like a martial artist. They just start kicking each other in the butt. They start grapplers start just taking, this is our love language. We can do that, but you can't do that with strangers. Right. Right. And, um, I said, you can, you can. So I read and I was like, I had this like a dialogue with the mom. Cause there's a lot of things that we do with kids that we're talking about. when you would do in a class, you can't do right. Like there's appropriate touch. There's a ways we communicate. Right. And it's so important that we are watching our liabilities, right? But when you have an extreme, this mom is so desperate when you have a screen, a situation you have to read that. So I'm in the third time of going out to the car with this kid and interacting. Cause we already had them in the school once. And I realized he would go, this is him go to shy out and go, no, like turn into the emotional, um, intelligence of a four-year-old. And he was like, I don't want to, I don't want to. And he would just shake and he would turn. Then I started doing, I saw, I taught him like how to shield, like cover up when somebody hits him. I taught him how to punch my hand and I taught him what to do with a hair grab. So I would go, I started playing with him and I go, what do you do when somebody grabs your hand? And he goes like this, I go, what are you doing? And I started, he smiled when I started like taking him and I was like, Oh, he's what? Physical touch. He's physical touch. Yeah. And I was like, okay. So, I started reading them and then I grabbed him. I threw him over my shoulder. I started spinning him around and I, this kid is a buck 70, 13 years old. 

I'm glad you got such big muscles. 

Yeah. And I, the farmer carried him over and I brought him into the school, got him in the lobby and we did a 20-minute lesson. And I was like, this is, this is where we were. And I was able to get them to that point. And I was like, and I told the mom again, I go, I go, do me a favor. And I said in front of him, I go, I don't want you to say that he's taking away time from his children because this was the best part of my day. And I want them to know that. And I go, and I want my kids to know that too, because I want them to know that we make impact because guess what's going to happen. If, if it's going to go one way or the other, Like he can go downward spiral and parents can keep accepting it or something has to happen. And somebody has to make an impact on this kid's life where you can change his direction. It doesn't guarantee success, all the work I'm putting in, but without it, we don't stand a chance. And I think that's one of the biggest things that obviously ties into my purpose, but guess what's going to, that's what a second thing that happens. What does this mom do when I get her son who won't go to school? We won't get out of his car. at 13 years old, when I get him to change his life, what does she do? 

She's going to be the biggest raving fan of your program and tell everyone she could possibly tell. 

And that's all I've done through the years. 

Yep. 

I've literally just led with passion and, you know, I don't, I try to make it as clean as possible. I'm always leading with the intent of like, what is my mission? And the wish is to give parents and kids the tools to know that they're enough. And when we do that and listen, And I'm not shy about it. Also, there's ways to grow our business, to promote ourselves and get outside to expose. But at the end of the day, if you don't believe in your product to your, you know, it's going to crash and burn. I could say the same with Spark. I mean, look, you know, we were with Zen and Affiliated and I was talking to people on that. And I shouldn't be mentioning names that beat people up. I don't want to hurt anybody. But what you guys have, and everybody says it, is next level for a reason. Because you will lose sleep, empty your bank account, do whatever you need to do to make sure the quality of your product, you're thinking of a long-term investment. It's better and the best that everybody can have. Roderick Long 100%. Yeah. A hundred percent. I mean, Roderick Long I see that every day when I try to even just like communicate with you, you're out, you're so involved in everything. You're so going. 

Well, I'll tell you why we feel that way. I mean, obviously, you just said that what your purpose was, right? And we have the same purpose, but it's just to help you do your purpose. Like, you know, my mom used to tell me my mom's a very religious lady, pretty incredible human being. And, you know, she used to, she used to help a lot of people. And she told me this, and she said it in complete sincerity. I was just a kid. And she says, hey, when I get to heaven, God's gonna look at me and say, you're an amazing person because you helped so many people. And because of that, you got to get credit. I mean, as a kid, I don't know that I could remember her exact words, but I'm like, man, one day when I go up there, I want God to say, hey, you helped tens of millions of people. And I'll be like, well, I didn't know tens of millions of people. He says, yeah, but you helped this school. which helped 300, and you helped that school, which helped 300. And that school, they opened up another location, and they helped another 300. And it would just explode like that. And ever since I was a little kid, it's like, that's what I want to do. Like, I just want to see how many people can we absolutely impact, because I know those folks are just like you, or most of them, I would hope. that you gave a damn about that kid and his family. If it wasn't for you stepping in his life, I know you feel this way because I felt the same way. If it's not you, then who's going to step up? Who's going to make the difference if you give up on them? Who's next in line? And they're not going to care as much as you because you know who you are and you know what you can do because you've seen you've seen this kid before in a different body, in a different mind. I saw their transformation. 

Right. Are we are we all this kid? You know, don't we have you? 

I was talking to Robbie yesterday and I was saying and I told him why I do what I do. And he already knew because he's been my friend for a long time. And he goes, Ron, the reason you do what you do is because you were saved. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, 100 percent. I do what I do because someone saved me. And now I feel the not need to, but the want to help as many other people as possible as well. 

And that's the thing is, it's so easy to get up. It's hard to get it for a job. It's easy to get it for a mission, right? Yes. And I think that, you know, that, you know, we both come from a taekwondo background. Um, but they, you know, the Japanese people have the term, the icky guy, right? And so it's, if you're familiar and I'm sure that, you know, 50% of our listeners are, but if it doesn't matter, because sometimes we just need to be reminded and the guys, the four things it's, um, it's what you're good at, what you love, uh, what the world needs and what you can get paid for. Yes. And it's finding the balance for all those things. And the thing is I'm good at it. The world needs it. I love it. Why shouldn't I get paid for it? Right. And so if you can do all those things, you've found your geeky guy, you know? So I think that that's the balance in life is that I'm looking now at my, cause this is like at my children and I'm looking at like, where are they? Okay. I even asked them, what do they want to be when they grow up? Because I think that inherently there's your nature, right? There's nature and nurture. And if you're an artist, When you were a kid, what did you want to be when somebody told you you wanted to be? 

Yeah, I wanted to be a martial arts instructor. 

That's all I ever wanted to be. For me, the first thing I wanted to be before I even started martial arts, they had two things. I was literally an artist and a chef. And both of those things were to create. And now everything, my favorite thing to do in life is to create. Like I have to, whatever it is, it's like, I have to always, whatever I'm doing, if I'm building or creating, my program, if it's a person I'm helping, I'm building them. And it's that puzzle and that beauty that I can step back and look at that makes me feel complete in life. So I think that that's one of the things that we keep coming back to is, I love that term again, is that icky guy. So it's true that we can balance all those things out in our lives. 

Yeah, I love it too, man. I think that you're going to, you know, Zig Ziglar says, and it's a cliche now because it's been around for hundreds of years or 50 or something. But, you know, if you help enough other people get what they want, you get what you want. And forever, I was like, oh, I get what I want. And then I realized, oh, man, I got to do the helping first, right? You've got to flip that on your head. If you are passionate, love what you do, you've seen results in other people's lives, and you give that to enough people, and the success, the growth and the success, it comes. It has to. Like this lady that you're helping, her son changes life, man. She's going to be your biggest fan. And I know that's not the only person you've helped. You've got raving fans everywhere. And of course, your business and your growth happens because of each individual that you're inspiring and helping and doing the right thing. 

And, you know, you guys are doing it at a mass scale. So you're thinking bigger than I am. And I want to, but it always comes down to that law. What is it? The law of reciprocity. Yep. Right. And that I believe in that stuff. I just believe in that. And that's the thing is actually, I'm, I'm actually horrible. I see people get on me about my, um, pro shop. I'm horrible about pro shop. Cause I don't like selling things. It doesn't make sense. I got my money from services and I could make a killing on my pro shop even more. So, but half the time I'm just so, I believe in stuff, the law of reciprocity that ended up giving your shirt away. I'm like, I'm like the worst, right? Like I just, that's like, I, that's why I say office manager, take care of it. I step away because I, for me, I just live like, no, no, just, it'll come back anyway. Right. Like I just, I, so I have to step away before I, you know, I go in the hole with my inventory. Right. 

Yeah. You know, you could look at it differently. Like, you know, when I go to a hockey game, I want to buy the Jersey and it makes me happy to wear the Jersey. 

Right. That's right. 

But here's the thing, you are not allowing them to be happy. 

Yes. I'll give it to him. Look, but that's the hard part is I end up just doing it because that's just my, that's who I am. Like, and so I always step away and I, we sell our stuff. Don't get me wrong, but I definitely could. But I think I'm very happy with. 

I think what you're saying, it's the, it's really the mindset behind it. Right. 

And I know myself, so I don't even let myself play in those roles. I will hand those roles out to somebody else because that same thing is like, even for me, I don't, I'm sure most of the people here, I hope some of the startup schools might have a little bit more of a challenge of it. They, there might be the, like for the main instructor responding to the kid about billing and they don't have a buffer. You gotta be sobbing him and sobbing him should not be talking about like, Hey, you owe me. 175 bucks for this month or whatever it is. Right. Right. So like, you know, there's gotta be a buffer. There's gotta be somebody else that takes care of that. There's gotta be another name behind it, you know? Right. I know that's a, so I think that's important that we know our roles and we step away. So I tried to, I think I'm pretty good at that after, you know, 20 years of being hard in the business, I, I get to do being the roles that I want to be and, and, uh, not, and I'll understand that the ones that can create damage as well. Right. 

Right on. You had to build up to that, though. I mean, you start off with just yourself and. 

Yeah, it's tough. And it's not tough. It's it's not tough when you when you're in places like Spark, when they have those meetings and they give you all this information and you take it, you know, and that's the hard thing is like sometimes our egos get in the way. But, you know, I always try to go into something with an empty cup. I have two examples. One was I was at, uh, years ago to my event and I go to sit down and I'm sitting down with, um, I gotta make sure I don't mention names. Somebody who's very well known and all it was, it was a great martial arts competitor. And we sit down and the kid, the guy goes, the speaker goes, he's got 60 teenagers in his program and whatever it may be. She goes, shoot, I got more than 60 teenagers. You got more than 60 teenagers in your program. I go, and she just shut off. And I'm just sitting there with a pen and paper, trying to read everything I can and get anything out of this, get a nugget. This guy has something to offer. I went to a fitness event because I also had a CrossFit studio for so many years. And I was invited by Peak360. Noah Olsen was there, who was probably, he was a 10 time CrossFit Games competitor. He's probably one of the best. And people who own like GoRook, like all the top owners of brands. And I'm sitting there with a pen and paper. And I didn't know that this was event was basically for social media marketing. And everybody was just blowing smoke up. Everybody's like, okay. And I, but here's the thing I go, I'm going to get something out of this. So I start looking at Noah, who is this 10 time CrossFit games competitor. And he has a reputation as knowing they call him the golden retriever of, uh, of, of, of fitness because he's so likable and everybody likes him. So I started taking notes on his interaction and mannerisms. They had no content to give me whatsoever, but I wanted to see, I was reading him as a person because I was like, there's something special about him. So I was like, I'm coming out of here with something in my book today. I'm going to find a nugget. 

That's awesome. And that's, that's the way. So I go to a lot of martial arts seminars, and I will see some of our influencers in our industry, people that have done big things, owned 50 schools, you know, I mean, big things, like way beyond me, right? And every single one of them, at every single event I've ever been to, is down there writing down notes of everything they hear. And when I first saw that, I was flabbergasted. I was like, these guys are making millions and millions and millions of dollars. They've trained tens of thousands of students. They've done hundreds of thousands of, I mean, they've done it all and they're experts at it, yet they still sit down and they write down, and it doesn't matter who the speaker is, They're writing down their stuff and listening and learning and filling their cup. And I think that, I think that's awesome. 

Yeah. And there's something to be found in everything. It's like the old adage is I can learn from a white belt, right? Yes. Sometimes you learn the most because you're like, it's the, and going through the processes at like, for example, you know, we've both been to Tony Robbins events, right? 

Yes. 

And when I, I look at Tony's interaction with people constantly, like I look at like, Oh, what's he doing? And then I started going like, wait a minute. And then I was like, I started researching and I started understanding more about what he's doing, which is NLP, right? Neuro-linguistic programming, how he does the call to response, how he touches people, how he makes the eye contact, how he does the pattern disrupt. All those things that I started like writing. And I started like, I wanted to learn more about how he's making changes and how he's making impacts because you know, that you could, there's a, there's, it depends. It depends on how you look at it, no matter what you can, there's something you can learn from everything. As long as you don't go, your ego doesn't get in the way and say, I've got more than that person. Right. And I think that's going to be the biggest thing. And that's the, that's the key to growth. I think is, you know, it's kind of like when you're, when you were 25, you thought you knew everything. Right. And now at our age, we realize we don't know a thing, you know? And that's the, so we just, we're just collecting information along the process. And we just have, we're just a, it's so funny. Cause we thought my, you know, my son, we, we got rid of stoicism, you know, so Marcus Aurelius and, you know, so like all those stoics and I make him, I don't make them because he enjoys it, but he, he write, he journals, he's seven years old and he writes quotes down constantly. We look them up, we rewrite them, we explain what they are. And the funny thing is, thousands and thousands of years ago, these guys had so much wisdom, so much, things that are relevant to this day. And, you know, I, can you only imagine like this, like my, my child at seven is starting to absorb and repeat and write and then write and read it back again and then try to conceptually understand it. It's, it's muscle. Like the kid is going to know more about, um, just, uh, awareness and self-awareness than most of the adults we've Right? Because he's ingraining these quotes within himself right now. And the funny thing is, there's so much information out there and there's nothing that we're inventing, right? All these things like this, where you've mentioned all my favorite names, like Zig Ziglar. 

I lit up when you said Ziglar. 

Like one of the greatest storytellers ever. But not only that, but the person who comes from a place where I like, is he, you know, just give, give and it gets back. And I think that we have so much information to tap into. And I think that As Savam, as instructors, Savamims, masters, head, you know, whatever it is at parents, I think our duty is to continue to grow. And I use this analogy, I've ever seen this picture and it's like a father and he's like a puzzle and he's giving a piece of himself to his son and there's like almost nothing left, right? Like there's like, dad is just like a just this abstract thing. You can see the outline or whatever. It's just an outline. He's giving it all to his son, right? And I go, I go, that's something missing from that analogy. I go, I have to continue to grow. I have nothing left to give. Cause how many, you know, what am I going to do? Eventually when you're 13, how many times have your kids heard the same sayings and quotes if you're not growing? And if I'm, cause if I'm, if I'm going to be a different person when my son is seven to when he's 13 to when he's 21, cause if I'm the same person, I got nothing left to give. 

100%. So how are you growing? Reading books, seminars, I know. I have a few mentors that I hired that speaking of my life, I think I got three of them in my life. Tell me. Well, you know, go back to the books thing. I used to read books like I did 50 books this year. And then I realized that I forgot every damn thing that I read in them. And so I don't read books anymore. I study books. And I have a very cool process where I read the book and I highlight it and I move it into a document and then I go back to the document and then I bold all the stuff that's really so I kind of condense it down and then I create like a. I create like a how do I implement this in my life? Right. So read, study, implement. And that's made a huge difference for growth for me, especially for my brain. I do so many things every day, all the time that I like. I've totally forgotten third grade now, you know, because I needed that brain space. Right. So but so I like that process that I'm in of of studying this book and then, you know, highlighting and writing it down and bolding it and and reviewing it once a month. I have a master document that I've moved all the, the really good things I want to remember into that. So, and then, yeah, I mean, you know, I, I, I have a mentor named Dan Martell and, uh, we spend, we spend four, uh, four weekends together every year, uh, in different places around the country. 

I just saw something this morning. He was interviewing Tony Robbins. 

He spoke on his stage a couple of weeks ago at Business Mastery. Tony brings up people on stage. Dan Martell was the guy. Very proud of him. Very inspired. I'm sorry? Buy Back Your Time, right? Yeah. He wrote the book, Buy Back Your Time. It's great for business owners to read, implement. And that's when I started the whole studying and implementing was when I read his book. I'm like, man, you know, like if I just read this book, nothing happens. You know, I have to study. I gave it to my executive assistant, Robin. I said, you got to read this. We'll talk about it. We'll implement it. We have implemented the entire system. Totally changed my life. Right. So I figured, man, if that one book changed my life and when I say changed my life, like I'm less stressed, I'm more organized. I'm doing things. I'm doing bigger and greater things. I'm using my creative spirit. And you know, that's what I mean by change my life, right? 

I think that's the greatest thing. And obviously, everybody has their own studying process. Yeah, I think that's so for me, every time I go to a seminar, and I remember doing this with kids fitness, like I was learning how to, we were teaching what's called the pose method of running. And I was like, they are so intricate on how to run this, this Russian style of running that is low impact and easy on your knees. And I go, I stopped at the middle somewhere I go, Explain this to me like I'm five. And I think that everybody, imagine if like, I'm not, like I ran, but I wasn't a track runner. I wasn't a martial artist who run to cut weight, right? I go, or conditioning. I go, nobody even taught me how to run. I go, explain this. So I'm starting from step one. And then I was like, from top to bottom, they gave me a template and I created how to explain running to a five-year-old, you know? And I'm basically from hand positioning to posture to knee strike, And I made it very simple. And I go, everything I do, I needed to do is like, I, to make it, how can I make it almost a cadence? Because I learn in rhythm. How can I make it something that I can repeat? And one of the ways that I do it is like, once I learn something, I share it and I share it to kids and I try to teach it. And then I say it again and then I'll shoot a video and then I'll learn it again. And then I, so now I'm getting reps. And this was, I'll tell you the first time, I used to, I was, I started up a company with Tim Thackeray and Jason Hahn called the Youth Empowerment Systems under the Juice Athlete Compound. We worked with athletes and we had over, we had like 40 affiliates worldwide learning, teaching kids fitness. Like they were just people just using our program and our certification. And I had to shoot content every week. This was in the early days of Facebook. And I remember I, we had, Tim says, okay, the video has to be two minutes. And I remember just umming and erring my way through the whole thing. And it would take me an hour and a half to shoot a two minute video. And it got to the point where right now you could pick any topic now, cause I've had so many years of experience of trial by fire, thousands of reps that you pick any topic. And I'm like, Oh, Hey guys, it's coach graph from the juice compound. Today, we're going to talk about staying focused with kids. The number one thing with focusing kids is to look in their eyes. When you look in their eyes, you're making a direct connection with that kid. They will show them love. And number one thing is you're going to make sure that they know that you're paying attention to them. So if you want to make a connection with your kids, make sure you're looking in their eyes. That took years. Yeah. One clip. And I actually, if I timed it, that was probably a minute. Cause I had to cut it down because Facebook was like, now don't do a minute from, from two minutes. Cause people's attention spans went to crap. And how did I do that? My own version of trial by fire over reps again, again, and then until I got it and I wouldn't let my content come out until it was that good. And I think that's what you're doing right now with, um, you know, buy back your time is that you're, you know, just, okay, it's good, but it's not great. Let's do it again. Right. So. You know, I love that. I think that's what makes people, that's what mastery is, isn't it? 

Yes. 

Yes. You know, repetition is so, and consistency is so powerful. I know. Used to be really bad before in something. The only thing that makes it different is just putting the time and effort, the repetitions. It's all you need. Everybody can be an expert. Everybody can master something. They just put enough time. A good example. Programming and you know six months ago i knew nothing of a i. Nothing i thought it was i thought it was a fad that was gonna go away. But i also thought that a facebook to have when it first came out for college kids that it'll never take off and i was wrong about that too and now. I put in so much repetitions that I like I am almost genius level at A.I. and how to implement it and what the return on investment is and all that stuff. And I fully believe in it, which is also funny, because while I'm doing that, my wife is watching documentaries on how A.I. is going to take over the world and kill us all. So we have a good balance in our family. Yeah. 

So that's funny. Got my tinfoil hat on. So, no, yeah. And I agree with you. I think that, and that's what I, you know, and that's the humility is like we are going through the process. And then once we understand that, Hey, this works, we, we do it. And that's where pivots come into play. Right. That's where, you know, and, um, I think that understanding that when you talk about that repetition in there and getting all in, um, we speak at it with, since you're speaking to mostly martial arts school owners, you know, um, How many times have we had a parent that comes and said that, you know, how come my kid's not ready for testing? And you look at their, their attendance and you go, it's coming once every two weeks. I go, I imagine if I was a gym and you told me that I'm not losing any weight. And I looked at your company once every two weeks, how do you get good at anything? And you get good at anything repetition. One of the number one thing that you'll see that's in this, and that's a big part of my book too, is about the power of like my kids routine is not negotiable. everything they do in their life, like whether it be their sports, they, every kid wants to quit, right? My kids all wanted to quit martial arts and gymnastics. And I said, there wasn't even an option. And now they don't even think about it. They just go because, you know, they've, because it's a pattern, but they also realize that 10-year-old, she ran one with you. Remember, she ran the 5K? They both ran, my seven-year-old and my daughter. My daughter ran, that was her 11th 5K, right? She's 10. She's not a natural runner. She's made for powerlifting. They spend more time in the week between scholastics and physical activities than most people do at work. Because I believe that with kids, It's an endurance and idle time is the devil's workshop or is it workshop or worship? I always forget. 

Devils. I don't know. Who knows? But I know what you mean. 

So either way. So I don't know. I keep them. I stack them. And guess what? And here's the thing. They don't even have an option whether or not they can do it. My son's in Kumon. I'm sure your kids are, too, right? Yeah. Yeah. My son, he's in gymnastics. He's in Taekwondo. He does. He does baseball. once a week. My, you know, my daughter does gymnastics in Taekwondo and, and she runs, we have all these things in their schedule because they're going to have such a foundation because when the hormones finally kick in, they can choose to do whatever they want and they're going to be good at it. So I think that that's a, that's a big thing is that we talk about repetition, but you know, for us as adults, it's hard because we don't have anybody, you know, yelling at us, telling us less, It's me. I'm telling you to send me a selfie at the gym. 

Yeah. 

And I appreciate you so much. Yeah. You know, for the people that are watching or listening, you know, six months ago, I told Anthony at an event I saw him and I was like, because he I don't know if anybody's ever seen Anthony's with his shirt off, but he looks like a Greek god. And so I went out to him like, I'm like, man, I got to get in shape. And he goes, are you serious about this? And I go, yeah, I got to get back in shape. I've been sitting down typing on a keyboard and, you know, for too long. And so he makes me send him a selfie every day when I go to the gym to keep me accountable. And I appreciate it. 

Well, listen, rising tides, you know? 

Yes, sir. 

And that's the truth. And look, I, I, I take it personal. And that's the thing that's like, you know, when did you go to the gym? I try not to get upset, but you know, and I want to call it cut through your crap or whatever it is. And like, what else I'll send you, you know, all right. 150 pushups. You got every minute on the minute. You're going to give me 10 pushups for 15 minutes. 

That's not easy by the way. Yeah. 

Yeah. You did something guys. 

Cause you cannot be time that routine that you're talking about the consistency. It is just a routine. Just get it. And once you get in the habit. What's interesting is when we started this relationship together with me getting in better shape, you know, I have a home gym and I mean, I got it. I got everything here at the house. And I'm like, yeah, I'll start tomorrow, you know, and you're like, oh, you got to you got to go to the gym. And I'm like, well, why would I pay for a gym if I got it all here? And you're going, well, you got to go to the gym. So the next morning I had to go buy a gym membership and sure enough, go there every time. 

The reason is you've got to get there's too many distractions at your house. Yes, 100 percent there is. When you're at the gym, you're going to work out like you're there where you do talk on your phone. Like you're there when you're in your house, your wife is going to say something. You're going to go upstairs. You're going to have a little passionate time, whatever it may be. And the next thing you know, you're going to get distracted. You're going to be off. And guess what happens to all that fancy equipment that you bought at your house? It becomes the nicest coat rack you've ever had. Yes. It's like, it's like imagine like that, you know, that's why people go to places to get, you know, train just being there. And I say, look, go to the gym five minutes. You tell anybody that five minutes is never five minutes, it always turns into something more. And we always try to say, if anybody on this call is having a challenge, stop trying to beat yourself up for all those years you didn't work out. Start slow and think of a long-term plan of, I just got to get in and make sure I get movement. And movement, if I say work at 60% of your effort, it will always be 80%. But if I tell you 100%, you're going to blow a gasket You know, so I would try to tell people, don't leave yourself so sore you can't walk for a week and a half because you won't go to the gym again. Make it a pleasurable experience. Continue to go and get in the habit and the routine. Just make sure that it's just something that, you know, easy to assassinate, right? 

Yes, sir. Well, this has been great, man. Thank you so much for joining me. I think people are going to get a lot out of this. And I'd love to have you back on again. We can talk about some other really awesome stuff. 

We're going to talk about my book. 

Oh, let's talk about it, man. Let's take a minute and do that. Whispers of wisdom. 

Yes. So crafting character through mentorship and storytelling. So basically, it's very simple. My book, your brain works like mine. If you read any of Malcolm Gladwell's books, it's one point hammered home over and over again. Right. So you're like, OK, I get it. you know, like if you put in the time, you will do better. 10,000 hours. Thank you for the thousand stories on 10,000 hours. Right. And I get it. I understand it now when we could have just got like, okay, I got the point when I have all my, my, everything in my book is based like that. So you can do everything. And some of them might be just, and look, I didn't invent any of this stuff. Um, but I guarantee you're going to have a takeaway. If you're a martial arts school owner, school owner, You can use any of these. This is a toolkit for your school. If you're a parent, you can use it. The first half of the book is on basically understanding behaviors. For example, coaching in the wanton behavior is a big one. So for example, telling somebody what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do. In some school, I think, What's the, what's the sin of knowledge is thinking that everybody knows what, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so you don't share it. So you may know some of this stuff, but some of them you might not know at all. Right. But so some of the things coaching the watch behavior is like, okay. Um, as a martial arts school owner, okay. Um, don't drop your hands. Don't get hit in the head. Right. What's the first thing that's going to happen when you say don't get hit in the head. So when, instead of saying, you say, put your hands up, right. Tell them what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do. Right. So that's like a big thing that we have just as far as coaching, but we, as a parent too, there's, you know, we have, we have to be very conscious of our words and how they affect our kids. And, um, you know, even a positive, uh, positive reframing. Right. So, um, you have a kid that's, I have a whole list of them too. This is really great. You have a kid that's just crazy. You say, stop being crazy. You're doing what's called labeling right now. And that kid believes he's crazy. So instead of calling him crazy, we say, I love your energy. If you focus that energy, nothing can stop you, right? This is the most energetic kid I've ever met in my life. When he has laser focus, unstoppable. So all we're doing is just changing the way we're saying the same damn thing, right? And then honestly, now I'm positively encouraging him to stop doing it instead of saying, you know, my brother, actually, when I told him about this book, he said, you have a section that says, I'll give you something to cry about because that's what my father used to say. Right. And I'm like, and actually I cut, you know, I'm like, yeah. Why do you think I wrote the stupid book? You know, like that's exactly why. Cause the pain, right. Like, and that's, that's all that comes from somewhere inside of me. That's going like, there's a better way. There's a better way. And then the second half of the book is stories. I mean, I didn't write any, I wrote a couple of them, but they're all fables. And the way that I've always made such an impact with my kids is through stories. Like if you want to, if you have somebody in, as an adult, when they go through a breakup, I always tell this story you've probably heard before. It's about the Chinese farmer. Have you know it? 

I don't know. 

Okay. So like, let's say there's any hardship in your life, whatever it is. Like, I always like to use this for like a breakup when I have like a teenage girl or I'll never directly tell them, the parent tells me they're going through some hard stuff. And I'll say, once was a Chinese farmer and he wakes up in the morning and his beautiful stallion had run off. All the farmers and other neighbors come around and they say, you're so unfortunate. You're so unlucky. And the farmer said, maybe. The next day, The horse had come back with two other beautiful stallions. And now he has three horses. And all the farmers and other neighbors come around. They say, you are the luckiest person around. You are so fortunate. And the farmer says, maybe. Well, the next day, the farmer's son had gotten on one of the wild horses to try to break it, to try to tame it. He got bucked off and broke his leg. All the farmers and all the neighbors come around. He said, you're so unfortunate. You're so unlucky. And the farmer, once again, says, maybe. Well, the next day, the military had come to town to try to draft his son to take him to work. And they couldn't. And all the farmers and then all the neighbors came around. They say, you are the luckiest person in the world. You're so fortunate. And the farmer said, maybe. And I always tell the kids, I go, look, the worst thing in the world that's happening to you right now probably happened for the best reason. I go, if you're going through a breakup, that you think it's the worst thing in the world, how can you ever meet the real love of your life later, right? And I love that because you think that, you know, whatever it is, it's your perception. You think that this is the worst thing now, but this is instead of what is, why is this happening to me? Why is this, what is this supposed to teach me? What am I going to learn from it? Or what great thing will come out of it? You know, and we all have those stories as adults, but when we put them in perspective, we tell kids that we always have to say, you know, whenever something bad happens, you go, maybe, Because if this bad thing didn't happen to me when I was younger, I would have never met your mom. So I love that. And that's what the second half of my story is. And it's dummy proof because I have 60 of them. 

60 stories. 

Yeah. 

To teach powerful lessons. Powerful lessons. And I didn't listen. And the first half is how to tell the stories. you know, a call to response, a personal interaction, you know, whatever it may be using, and why it's so important. And then I even have like things like using your own stories to teach lessons to kids. I'll give you a quick one before we go. Eye contact is one of the hardest things to teach kids, right? Like, and one of the things my father growing up, he would tell me to shake somebody's hand and look them in the eye. I never did, you know, just because I didn't get it. I mean, It was hard for me to remember. So my uncle, who's ex-military, would shake my hand and crush it every time. He would crush it like a jerk. And then, like, how, how, you know, I didn't want to shake his hand. And then one day he shook my hand and he told me what to do. He says, you take your two fingers, you put it on the inside of your palm and it neutralizes your grip. And then every time I shook somebody's hand, I was like, I knew the secret trick, right? So I was excited to shake somebody's hand. I had a purpose and a reason. And I was like, wow, okay, now I do that with handshakes. How do I do that with eye contact? So I started doing my research and I started saying, how do I tell a story that connects a purpose to the action? And I looked it up and there was a neuroscientist and she was talking about which eye to look in when you talk to somebody. You know this? I don't. No, I have no idea. So there is, and now my kids know the story. My kids can tell you it. And you're supposed to look at somebody's left eye when you talk to them. Okay. Because when you're a baby, their left eye or their left eye, their left. And the reason is when you're a baby, you're most mothers are right handed. So when they hold you, they hold you in their left hand and they look down at you. That means you're looking up with your left eye. So the neurological connection that you have of love and affection comes from looking somebody directly in their left eye. So when you want to connect with people, look in their left Now, and I go, and I start telling kids, which eye do you look in? They go, left eye. I go, why? Because it connects you to love and affection. So now when they shake the hand, they have a purpose. Instead of just looking, they're like, you can't look in both eyes anyway, right? You're not a lizard, right? You're like, you don't. So I go, so you have to, we give them purpose. Now you know how to shake a hand? So to neutralize, this is the way we do it. This is also our community. And this is how everybody shakes our hands here. We call it the tiger's paw because it looks like a tiger's paw. And I go and we look them in the eye. And you know, I had three seven year old triplets that came in yesterday, and my son introduced himself to each one of them. And he goes, hi, my name's Titan. What's your name? Nice to meet you. We call it the powerful greeting. Shook their hand, looked them in the eye, and did to each one. Listen, my son can literally do front flips, pistols, double unders, 360 hook kicks, be seven. I don't care about any of that. I care about what he did right there. He shook them in the hand and looked in their eye. And I was like, this is something my dad didn't know, how to do it. He just told me to do it because I said so. And I was like, it doesn't have impact. So the whole point of the book is how do I give parents those tools? Right. And how do I give instructors those tools? And then how do I train the staff? And you have our kids in sport and you're like, you know, I've seen everybody from LA Johnson say, get out of the way. I'll show you how to coach a kid. Right. And we know it. We see it. And we're like, we want to jump in there and help the coaches, but not our position. Right. Like, So it's a lot easier for me to go, when I hand it to my son's gymnastic coach, hey, I got this for you. Why don't you read section? And anybody in a staff meeting or even if you're a parent, listen, if you know it, learning is remembering. That's Plato, right? And if you know it, great. Just remind yourself. If it's new, I hope you use it as a good tool. So it's in review right now. So my book should be out in the next month. 

Yeah, well, I can't wait to buy it, man. I'm really looking forward to reading those things and implementing it in my own family's life. 

Oh, man. And listen, hopefully our brain works the same. So it's so simple. Like, literally, it's... My coach is Juan Moreno. So he's probably one of the... He's a three-time Olympian, two-time Olympic silver medalist, blah, blah, blah, he's been to every Olympics since 88, right? I gave him this, and he goes, Tony, you have like three books here. And I go, yeah, but let's keep it at two, because I can just redo the information. I go, just give people the points, keep it simple, because that's how my brain works. I go, it's just TMI? Give me the Cliff Notes. Give me the Cliff Notes. You can pull into any one of these. You're having a rough time at a staff meeting when you're talking about teaching. If I open up any page right here, understanding the five love languages in children, right there. So that's the first thing I pulled up. This is a big one. This one would be great. We call it six forms of manipulation and testing. So how does your kid manipulate you? It's badgering, intimidation, threats, martyrdom, physical tactics, and the butter up. So these are all like ways, like in my book, like, and you can use any of those tools. And look, once again, I've just been collecting and putting my own twist on it because I've, I've gone to every clinic seminar. I've, you know, I've emptied my bank account to try to become a better version of myself. And now I have, you know, now I believe in abundance. So hopefully I can make a big impact, like biggest spark. 

Yeah, man. I think you, I, you, you already have, you already, you already have made a huge impact. And I know this is just the beginning. 

Well, I love you, brother, and I am so grateful. And listen, I can't wait to see you again. And hopefully that some people can use this. But I know that you guys have such a great following for a reason, because number one, you're amazing people. And number two is that you just have such a good quality of product. Seriously. Thank you so much. Above and beyond. And everybody else is just trying to keep up. 

So, yeah, we're not looking at those guys. We're trying to beat ourselves. Right. We're trying to we're trying to grow to grow, grow our company, grow our team, grow the people that are using the software. 

I mean, it's fun. I listen. You can tell the last you can tell when people are. Number one thing is like, you know, what's that guy? Let me ask you, are you a lucky person? 

You know, I am. And I'm also blessed. 

They're blessed and lucky because like, what's the guy also created a whole lot of luck. That owner of Zappos. Right. Yeah. When he interviewed people, he asked them that one question only. Are you lucky? Right. And he would ask them. And because when you look at that, that's your perception of life. Right. Whether you're lucky or unlucky. Right. And, you know, I don't like, you know, I don't like to use Robert Greene books because he's a little rough, but, you know, he says stay away from the unhappy and unlucky. He's not wrong. You know, he's not wrong. He's not wrong He said and I two people that I know in my life that are the probably the happiest and luckiest people I know or you and GMP so That's why I love being around you guys because it's just you you always lift up my energy, you know last periods That's awesome man because I feel the same way about you and we got to spend some more time face to face Sounds good. Well, I will be a couple hours from you I got I mean Orlando, no, not Orlando, I'm in Daytona this weekend, so. 

Oh man, I love Daytona. We used to go every year for like 16 years. Love us there. Go surf some waves. 

Yeah, well, I'm gonna go, I'll probably stop in Vero Beach and then go to Daytona because for us that's a, I like to break up the trip, you know, so my son has a gymnastics competition, but any excuse to get my butt over to you guys and I won't make it happen. I did last time, even though we just ran a 5K together. 

Yeah, that was fun. Yeah. All right, brother. 

Thank you so much. 

Thank you for your time. 

Thank you. 

Thank you. Thank you for speaking into the lives of a martial arts school owners. And I can't wait for your book to come out. I'll make sure that everybody knows how to purchase it. And we'll we'll help change some more lives with it. 

Thanks for joining us on the Membership Business Growth Podcast. We hope you take what you learned and use it to propel your business to new heights. For more information, episodes, show notes, and to get social, hit us at membershipbusinessgrowth.com. Membershipbusinessgrowth.com. If you wanna go deeper or send us comments, you can email ron at sparkmembership.com. We'll see you next week for another episode of the Membership Business Growth Podcast with Ron Sell. Thanks again for listening.