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Attempting Motherhood
Attempting Motherhood: The Aud Way is a podcast for late diagnosed or late realised ADHD / AuDHD mothers.
It is hosted by Sam, an AuDHD ( autistic + ADHD ) elder millennial mom.
Episodes cover topics pertaining to motherhood, neurodivergence, the combination of those two and how they intersect.
Remember in this wild ride of motherhood, we're all attempting to do our best.
Attempting Motherhood
Organizing Your Life and Holidays with ADHD/ AuDHD - Megs from Ogranizing an ADHD Brain
I'm joined by Megs from Organizing an ADHD Brain
We chat about motherhood and being neurodivergent (of course) and dive into why organizing is about more than making your house "Pinterest perfect".
Megs shares the moment she realized she needed to reevaluate their Christmas plans and traditions, and how she's helping herself and others do it differently this year. She shares how we can plan and get rid of the overwhelm that comes with taking on too much and feeling guilty we can't "do it all".
Learn about Megs' programs, templates, and listen to her pod:
Organizing an ADHD Brain Podcast
Instagram: organizing.an.adhd.brain
TikTok: organizing.an.adhd.brain
MindfulMegs.com
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Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, medical professional, or mental health professional.
I am sharing my lived experience. If you relate to any of the content in these episodes, do your own research and speak to a medical professional if needed.
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Buy me a coffee (an opportunity to show appreciation for the content you've enjoyed).
Hey friends. My guest today is Meg's from organizing an ADHD brain. She has a podcast. You may have also seen her on Instagram or threads under the same handle, organizing an ADHD brain. I've included all of her links, of course, in the show notes.
She's an organizing coach, but as we will very quickly jump into in the episode, she talks about so much more than just tidying and organizing your home because. I think all of us understand that when your home is in order and when things have a place, it means there's less stress in your life. Things go a lot smoother.
And that flows on to every other aspect of your life. She currently has some fantastic freebies. Going into the holidays, helping you get organized, helping you have a less stressful holiday period. So head to her website, mindfulmegs.com. Of course, it's in the show notes to check those out. In addition to that she has some groups that are currently running.
And if that's of interest again, Head to her site in the show notes. 📍
Meg's thanks.
so much. We, hey, well, okay, so I think this is a little bit one sided. I found you on threads and then I think we actually connected on Instagram, but I've been listening to your podcast. I love your podcast because it's such useful tips and I feel so it's organizing an ADHD brain.
It's not just organizing though, and you say that like in your intro that it's not just like, where does everything go? But it's really when you think of it, it extends to life. So we're going to talk about all the things today, but if we could start how I always like to of a little bit about your motherhood story first, and then we'll jump into your work and all the rest of it.
Yeah, heck yeah. Well, thank you for listening to the podcast. I'm honored to be a guest and it is so fun to find people on threads and Instagram and become friends because it's such a real place to have that. Yeah. Connection as long as you are putting yourself out there in that way. So thank you. Thanks for reaching out.
My motherhood journey. So I got pregnant with our first daughter on our wedding night, my husband and I. Oh, wow. And yeah, it was hilarious because Yeah, we did not expect that. But yeah, so we were pregnant immediately into our marriage. And that means we had a baby girl before we even celebrated one year of marriage.
And I had an awful pregnancy. I was not a very happy pregnant person and I was sick the whole time. And I was also incredibly nervous about giving birth. I had never spoken about it with my mom. I'd only seen. It talked about in movies. And so when we went to birthing class, I remember seeing these women talking about doing it all naturally and no medicine.
And I'm like, who are you? And how could I possibly get to that space? And at that point I didn't want to write, that wasn't even something I was exploring. But it was just very fascinating to see the different spectrum. Regardless, my daughter was breached, and so as we got closer to the due date, I ended up going into the hospital with preeclampsia, and we did an emergency C section.
Whether I wanted to or not, and at that point I think part of me was relieved, but it was also awful at the same time with the preeclampsia medication. But Charlotte is my seven year old. She is, she was the most incredible baby and she still is just a really cool kid. And yeah, so about a year and a half into having her, we decided to have another baby.
Well, I guess less than that, but we got pregnant with Cora not as easily as the first time. But I was again, a very miserable pregnant person. And I. Was sick all the time. And Cora also came three weeks early, but I went into labor with her three weeks early, which is crazy. I was even having contractions at 28 weeks.
So they had to monitor me pretty seriously. Yeah. I don't know if it was my mind doing it to me because I was so miserable or if it was something else, but she came out via C section too, and she was a very fry baby, just like. We couldn't understand if it was colic or if it was, a dairy issue or a gluten issue.
I tried everything to try to cure her of whatever was going on. But to this day, that's still very much her. She's also such a cool kid. And it's just been interesting to be a mom to two totally different girls. And to understand them in a way that I'm there to support them and to help them grow. But it's almost like I was joking with someone the other day.
I'm like, it's almost like I have to people please them because I have to change who I am and how I'm parenting them based on their needs. Right. But doing it in a way, because I totally want to, I want to just show up for them. I want them to have a role model in their life that they would be proud of.
And so that's what I strive to do on a regular basis.
Yeah, and I, so we only have one, but I get what you mean as far as almost adapting yourself, but like in the best possible way for them and I obviously do it just One, I can't imagine, mentally, the shifts that have to happen to try and do it with two, especially two that have, from what you're saying drastically different temperaments and personalities, and having to be like, okay, well, this works with this one, and this doesn't work with this one and I can't help but think, too, of the mental load as mothers that we carry, of we More often than not are the default carriers and we carry a lot of that information.
sometimes intuitively and a lot of the time through learned experience, but like our partners don't always seem to be clued in as well to that information. So I'm curious if you notice that your partner, your husband feels like he has to do the same, or if he's a bit more I'm just going to try this strategy and like it might work and it might not.
It's so interesting. We do have two different parenting styles and we are evolving and growing together as we continue to talk about it. Initially, we had no idea what the hell we were doing and yeah,
none of us do,
right? And I had no idea what to ask one another, right? I wish someone had been like, maybe talk to your spouse about how you want to raise kids, and what that looks like, because we never had that conversation.
And as they got older, and then we're reacting in temper tantrums and things like that. I would say I probably do a lot more studying on it. And then I just recently took a parenting course on being a neurodivergent parent. And so that helped me a ton. And so every time I would take the class, I would then info dump on my husband.
So that he could take some of this information with him as well, and it did help a lot. And I think 1 thing that we support 1 another with is 1st off. I have to remember that if I were not here, he would know what to do. And so I have to let him take the reign sometimes, even if I feel like he could be doing, which is so hard because I'm a patrol freak.
And it just helps him build the confidence that he needs. He needs to be able to practice. He needs to be able to do this on his own. And we also will tap each other out. Because if there's a point where I'm exhausted from work and I'm dysregulated, I go into reaction mode. And so instead of being there for my kids, I'm reacting to them.
And so my husband will tap me out. We even have a code word that we use for one another so that I can be like, Beetlejuice. And he's okay, and he'll walk away and vice versa. So I'll tap him out. If he's in that same kind of dysregulated state, he needs to go and cool off so that, he can be a better dad in the moment too.
And I guess I just never really knew how much went into parenting when it comes to managing our own emotions and regulating our own nervous system and what that looks like. And part of it is because we were never taught, but part of it is because that information was never there, too, when our parents were raising us.
So it's been a journey, and yeah, it's a good journey.
Yeah I think managing my own emotions is one of the hardest parts of parenting, because I, Like you said, I wasn't taught emotional regulation. I am AuDHD, so I by default don't have great emotional regulation. But I also, I just was never taught it.
The only regulation I was taught was like, shut it down. Just emotions just are not good. Allowed, which so that part I'm trying to heal a little bit, but on the flip side, I'm trying to teach myself like true emotional literacy and emotional regulation as I'm teaching my toddler and it is messy some days.
It is really messy. The only upside I think is that she then sees truly modeling. you know, we'll have sayings where I say to her we're just having a hard day, like where we're both sensitive. We're both tired, whatever's going on. We're just having a hard day. Everyone has hard days, but she'll see, me getting upset or angry or overwhelmed or crying, whatever it is.
And then trying to recover and really work through that in a way. Yeah, I think that's probably the only upside is she's getting it modelled in real time as we're both learning it together.
Yeah, I think it's a huge up a side, right? Cause she gets to see you taking care of yourself, but also real life living emotions for you.
Were you ever told as a kid, I just, I always remember moms being described as like goddesses Oh, she never reacts over anything. Like my mom is amazing. She just shows up and she does everything for everyone. And He never has any emotions, right? And I'm just like, this has got to be not real because I didn't grow up with that.
And, but I felt like there was this facade, this like imaginary woman out there that was the perfect wife and the perfect mom. And I'm just like, that's not me. And I don't want my kids to think that's real either because I want them to experience emotion. They don't want them to keep it bottled up because.
that can lead to more that can lead to so much that could be damaging in the long term.
Absolutely. Like having to heal that now as an adult, I'm doing Everything in my power to make it so my daughter doesn't have to go on that same journey. I make myself feel better, by saying I know I'm going to mess her up somehow, but I'm just trying to do it as minimally as possible and equip her with some tools to try and get through it along the way.
Yeah.
Is your husband ADHD also?
Yes. And I'm pretty sure that he has autism as well.
Oh, right. Okay.
Yeah. Which could be the case for me. We think it's the case for my five year old but not for my seven year old. So it's just it's fascinating to learn of the different neurodivergencies that we have for sure.
So you think your seven year old's neurotypical?
No, she has ADHD.
Oh, right. But you just think she's not autistic also.
Correct. Yeah. Yep.
Yeah. Yeah. I was gonna say, oh my God, like how are three out of four, but no, that makes much more sense.
Totally.
So how did you, when did you figure out you were ADHD?
I know you've talked on your podcast a little bit about And we'll talk about in a bit of understanding your relationship with alcohol and how ADHD impacted that. But first let's understand just how you discovered your ADHD.
Yeah, it was probably about 3 years ago now, and I had been having conversations with my next door neighbor, and he was telling me about his ADHD.
And I had been talking to my therapist about it and she was like, yeah, I think you should get checked out. And I'm like, okay, I'm like, you think not everyone's brain works like this. And she's no, it doesn't. And I'm like, are you sure? Because I just thought this was normal. Right? It just made sense that everyone's all over the place all the time.
They can't shut their brain off, blah, blah, blah. Right. So I did I went and got a diagnosis from my psychiatrist and yeah, the appointment was like over two hours long. She prescribed me medicine and then I left feeling like, ah, there's no way. There's no way I have ADHD. Like I had accepted it. Right.
And then I walked away and I was like, I don't think so. My husband got diagnosed probably a month later. But I think what's so interesting about it is that just because you know the symptoms and you know now you have a diagnosis doesn't mean that you actually know anything about how your brain works.
Now begins the work of learning about your brain, how it's different, and how you can now work alongside it. Instead of working against it in a neurotypical way that like I had been my entire life or putting myself down in a way that made me feel less than I started to learn how my brain could be really powerful if I allowed myself to tap into this.
Incredible creativity that I have, so it was a journey. And I also remember I had been in a work meeting. I was a leader in a corporate setting. And one of my fellow leaders came in and announced to the entire leadership team that she had ADHD. She had just found out. I was looking to my director at the time.
I didn't know I had ADHD at this time. And I was like, how are you going to direct us? And it was more just dismissed cool. Thanks for telling us. And it was, um, we just moved on from that. And when I found out I had ADHD, I'm like, I don't know what this means for me. I don't know how to advocate for myself in a corporate setting.
I don't know how my brain works. It felt like the medicine was working, but not in a sense that I really felt like I had control. It was so strange. But pretty shortly after that, I did decide to quit drinking and I didn't understand the correlation between drinking and my ADHD until probably months after I had stopped.
📍 In this part, mags. And I actually went into a really deep and full conversation talking about alcohol.
And essentially self-medicating with ADHD. I've actually pulled that conversation and decided to make it its own little mini-sode. So look out for that coming next week. 📍
Yeah. And I think too, like you said even if it's just understanding what your nervous system needs, alcohol aside understanding and then learning how to accommodate yourself. So you have started a program and you're having little offshoot, multiple groups come from this, but that's all of what you're covering.
And you have talked, you've done a couple of your own podcasts on your podcast. I'll link to about this, about just that, like really being mindful about your holiday plans and creating. An actual plan instead of just I feel like I don't know if this is an ADHD thing or if this what but so often I think we just tend to go by the seat of our pants and wing it and and I being like, AuDHD, I really want like a concrete plan and I want a set out itinerary, but my partner is.
Just, quote unquote, just ADHD, and he is very much like, we'll just figure it out. And I'm like, no, that doesn't work. But so it often creates friction of me trying to plan and him just being like, we'll just figure it out. And I'm like that's not how it works. But I have actually said to him.
That I want to sit down and create an actual plan and be really intentional about what we're doing this year, what we're not doing, what we're including, what we're not including. So I love that you're actually talking about this in your program, in your content, in your podcast. Can you talk a little bit more about, about all of that?
I guess maybe if you want to take like your own family evolution as an example.
Oh, my gosh. Yeah, totally. This all started, it stemmed from last year. I watched my five year old, she was four at the time, stop opening presents on Christmas morning because she was so overwhelmed. With the amount of stimulation around so it was not only the presence, but her sister, the dogs were all over the place.
There's now wrapping paper everywhere. She loves structure. She loves things to be in place and she was just feeling very out of sorts. And I remember sitting there watching her and comforting her, but also thinking to myself, I promised myself that I wasn't going to do this again this year.
It's like over buy because I forgot where I, what I bought and I didn't think I had enough for them. So then I felt like I needed to go buy more presents. But meanwhile, I had enough presents, like 10 presents to go and. I think part of it stems from a childhood where, I was always told like, maybe later, right?
And now I want them to have everything, but the truth is my mom was onto something with that. There's so much to be said for not having everything and to be more creative. So as we got closer to this holiday season, I kept thinking about all of these tools that I have in my back pocket. One of them being that I am a certified project manager. I have half of my master's degree in project management, and that's one of the ways that I'm able to support my clients with executive function is well, I used to hate it in the corporate world.
I'm also very good at Taking these things and breaking it up into these small, actionable tasks. And that's a lot of what I do when I'm working with someone on decluttering and organizing space. But the idea of organizing the holidays just felt so appealing to me. So I put together a group coaching program, which is 90 days.
And It's not only learning about how to break these steps down and having a plan of action, but also manifesting what your holiday looks like, what do you want it to be and learning how to communicate those different aspects with your immediate family, no matter what their ages, right? Because so much of that we keep to ourselves.
And we forget to tell other people until it's too late, and then we try to take on all of these tasks ourselves. Because at that point, we're like, well, I've procrastinated. I can't possibly ask for help now because I've done this to myself, right? And that's, it's just something that I used to do all the time, like with Christmas cards.
I would be like, I'm going to send Christmas cards. I'm going to do it. This is the year. I'm going to, I'm going to make it happen. And then December 21st would come along and I'd be like, Hey, I'm going to send New Year's cards because it's too late to send Christmas cards. But I had no plan. I just allowed it to sit here ruminating on my brain.
But it wasn't just Christmas cards. I also had big plans for the lights I wanted to put on the outside of the house and I saw someone else had lights in their backyard So that sat back here as well And then I know I have a Christmas tree, but like I felt like I needed to have more right? So there were so many things going on that I felt like I needed to do.
I didn't actually do all of them, but they all hung out in my brain the whole time. And so much of it
too, oh sorry, so much of it too I think is time blindness, right? Because I do the same thing, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm meaning to do that. And in the back of my head it's taking up real estate there.
It's taking up mental energy. I'm thinking about it, but I don't have the time energy capacity to action it. And with the time blindness, like you said, like the next thing I know it's three weeks later and it's too late or whatever else. And I'm just, and then I'm kicking myself because I'm like, why can't I just, you know, dot, dot, dot.
dot.
So I love your idea of getting it out of the head and into an actual plan. And then also when, once we get it on paper, right, we might be like whoa. How did I think all of this could happen? And then other times we might be like, oh, actually. If we do this here and this here, this is really manageable.
Yes, absolutely. And then, how can you do things but cut certain things out that don't make as much sense? If you have it written down, you can start to say like, Where can I set boundaries here? What is my priority? What do I really want to get out? And so I've created some of these templates so that we can support ourselves through getting through the holidays.
So there's the group coaching aspect. I also put in a body doubling session. That's the group coaching,
and then I also have a holiday card planning workshop that I'm putting out and so it's just 2 different templates that you get to work through. You can put them on your fridge afterwards. And then for attending the workshop, you also get to come to a bodily body doubling session.
Which gives you the time and the excuse to do the things or put action behind the things that you set and move. And, something that I've been talking about a lot too is that even if you attended these sessions or you just listened to this podcast or my podcast, I think. Part of it is just allowing it to start to become a reality.
Allowing yourself to start to believe that you're allowed to have a holiday season that you're in control of, instead of it getting out of control. Just like our homes, right? Sometimes we don't know how to set boundaries in our own homes with the stuff that we have. So what does that look like? And I just want that to become a more normal conversation.
So if it's not this year, it's going to be next year or the year after that. Let this become our norm because we're allowing ourselves to have more peace in our lives and to understand how to take care of our own darn selves during the holidays too.
I'm really questioning, like, Why am I doing this thing?
Is it, when we look at say traditions, is it a tradition that you've just done because it's something your family's always done and you just go along with it? Or is it something that like truly, to Marine Kondo, does it truly bring you joy? Because if it's something that like really brings you joy, fantastic.
Keep it. Let's make time, energy, space for it. If it's something that you, when you step back and you looked at it. Objectively, you're like, actually, this is just something that I'm doing because my family's always done it and I don't really care for it. Then you can figure out where to shift. And I think, as moms too, we both have neurodivergent kiddos.
It's about more than just us. Like you said with your daughter looking at her opening presents and then just stop because she got so overwhelmed. Understanding how your kiddo responds to all of these different situations can also help us, be a little bit more picky. And I don't know about you, but I find I still really struggle to accommodate and set boundaries for myself.
But when it comes to doing it for my daughter, It's I guess you could call it that mama bear aspect where I'm so much better about accommodating and setting boundaries and like doing things for her than I am for myself. And so sometimes it's even looking at. Things through her lens of okay, what does she need?
And then we're going to cater around that and everyone else can just deal with it more or less.
Yeah. Well, and I think that's such an interesting thing that we as moms do. We want to make the season as magical as possible for our kids.
And so we think thoroughly through the things that we do for them. The way I've been describing to my girls lately. I don't know why this came up, but anyways, I heard it somewhere, and so I've been describing it to my girls, too. I'm like, girls, you have one body that you were given when you were born, and you get one body that you take care of for the rest of your life.
And that's yours to take care of. It's so important that you're aware of that. And so Charlotte the other day was like, Cora made me walk in the deep snow. And I was like, there ain't nobody who made you do that. But yourself, you made a choice to walk in the deep snow. That is your body girl.
You're choosing to do that. But because I'm having that conversation, it allows me to think about my own body and the way I take care of myself. And our kids learn by watching us. And so if I'm telling them to take care of themselves, but I'm not doing it for myself, then how can I really show them what it looks like?
And 100%, it reminds me of the nervous system because the other day, My five year old Socorro, she has a lot of problems with textures and like clothes have to match and they have to be a certain way. Seam has to go a certain way. And if it's not going her way, she can't vocalize it. She's very much in fight or flight, starts screaming.
And I notice, I've started to notice that my chest gets really tight during those times. It's because I go into reaction mode. So the other day she was throwing a fit and I was sitting there and I didn't know what to do. And I felt myself seething, right? Like I wanted to say, do something or scream. And I had a friend who told me the other day that she uses tapping to calm down and it really works for her.
I don't know where this came from or how I remembered this in that moment. And I was like, I don't even know what I'm doing. I've tried tapping once, but I'm going to close my eyes. And I just sat there and I started tapping and I, like I was doing it.
And all of a sudden I was like, Oh my God, it's quiet in here. And I kid you not, I opened my eyes and my five year old is staring back at me doing all of the same motions. And I. Just bawled my eyes out. I was like, oh, my gosh what a gift for her to show me how I'm showing her how I'm taking care of myself.
And that was just such a good, I never thought of myself as a good role model for co regulation, but in that moment, I felt so proud of. Taking care of myself because I was showing her and she just literally started doing it herself. It's it doesn't work perfectly like that every time. Let me just be honest.
But in that moment it just reminds me. About everything that we do, even with organizing, like my kids think organizing is fun. I never thought organizing was fun. I was like the messiest kid around. I didn't even know organizing was a thing when I was a kid. So it's so neat to see them doing the things that I'm doing in their own way and like picking up these habits that will benefit them one day.
So that's fascinating. I'm just so intrigued by this journey.
No, I think it's so great. One, that you modeled that and please give yourself a little bit more credit because even having the self awareness to know like, oh my God, my chest is getting tight. That is massive. And like you said, you talked to a friend about tapping and it just popped in your head.
Those are just the little seeds that get planted. And again, it's like incredible. You might not think this is it, but like it's incredible emotional regulation in that moment. To not react, but instead have this seed come to fruition right when you need it and be like, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I'm just going to start like, tapping my body from a brain perspective.
It works because it redirects your focus. And so in that moment, it didn't matter where you were doing it. You could have been doing your chest. You could have been like, it did not matter where you were doing it. It redirected your focus from, I don't know what's going on with my daughter. I don't know how to help her.
I am so much struggling right now. Oh my God, my chest is getting tight. I'm starting to breathe faster. I'm like going to blow and then you tap and your brain's okay. I'm aware of this. This is a much more immediate stimuli versus your daughter being that, just maybe a foot away from you type thing.
Your body's responding then to that stimuli and you're redirecting your system and your focus. So that's like to anyone listening who also is like, Oh, I'm going to try tapping. Just know it doesn't matter where you do. I know everyone says like certain spots for certain things. And that's. That's like a whole conversation, but in the moment, it doesn't matter anywhere that you can do it.
That's safe. It is going to redirect your mind's focus. I think the modeling is so beautiful. And I would have done exactly the same as you, as far as burst out crying as soon as I saw. Cause my daughter, she does things like when I'm having meltdowns, cause I'll have an autistic meltdown.
And she's. The most empathetic, caring, little being, and she'll come, she doesn't say a word. And she'll just put her arm around me and she does these little pats and I'm just like, it like makes, it makes me cry harder in the moment because I'm like, I'm like so proud of you and you're so empathetic and like amazing.
And I go pretty nonverbal in those so I can't say anything. But just having her at three and a half be able to have that space for somebody is amazing. So I think our kids are so much more in tune than sometimes. I don't want to say sometimes we give them credit for it because I think we, we try and always give them that credit.
But I think compared to how I was treated as a kid and how we're similar age. So how like our generation was treated. I think our kids now are just getting. So much more because we've taken lessons from our childhood and we're like, I want to do that. I don't want to do that. We're going to meld this all together and come up with our own little, our little way.
Yeah. And the modeling, like I, I use the gym a lot for regulation. So when I talk about going to the gym, I say two things. I'm going to go regulate because we talk about heavy work and we talk about how the gym helps me regulate. And I say, I'm going to go get stronger. And. When I'm having a hard day and I'm really reactive and short, bless her, my three and a half year old to be like, I think you need to go to the gym.
And I'm like, well, you got to call me out like that. Yes, I do. I do. But but it does it. It is something that she knows as she grows that's a tool if she wants to and she enjoys it that she can use. Thanks. Yes.
Well, and she's seen you do that because on the other hand, on the other spectrum, she could also see, not you particularly, but like kids see their parents turning to alcohol as a regulation device.
Right. Whereas you're doing it with the gym. And my kids do that with, well, I tell them yoga makes mommy a better mom. And so now they repeat it back to me. And I'm like, yeah. And there's been times where they've. Hold me to go to yoga and I'm just like, thank you. Right. And my husband will even look up classes for me.
If I, if you haven't been in a little bit and I, it's funny because that could sound like, people are trying to take over, but sometimes we forget what we need in the moment because we're so out of sorts. It's so nice to have a family that understands what you're going through to remind you of the things that can get you back into the place of just feeling like yourself again.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think our kids are perfect little mirrors. Sometimes we don't want the mirror, but we need it. Yeah,
absolutely we do. We certainly do.
So let's quickly talk a little bit more about your work in general. How you got into organizing and if someone wants to work with you going forward, what that looks like.
Yeah, totally. Absolutely. I originally left the corporate world back in 2023. I was super unhappy. I already quit drinking and that's one of the things that drove me to quit drinking was I needed to understand if I was really unhappy because of my job or if I was unhappy. And so after I quit drinking, I was so unhappy in my job.
There wasn't anything drowning out the noise anymore. I was like, ah, maybe I should start drinking again. I digress, right? I didn't want to do that. I wanted to move on with my life. I worked with a career coach, and I thought I was going to go back into the corporate world. I loved leadership.
There was so much about the project management field that I wanted to continue to pursue, which is why I was getting my master's degree. And then I started doing some manifestation work. And one of the letters that I wrote to myself was about my boss and who my boss was and how much flexibility I had in my job.
And I was working from the beach. Somewhere and I was like, oh my gosh, I boss it's me. I'm the one right? Like I'm so nice to me sometimes but it just gave me the perspective of wanting something more and because I was working with a career coach She was talking about, like her entrepreneurial career as well And I didn't necessarily know I wanted to go into coaching, although that's what I had done in the corporate world, was coached my team in sales.
That's what I did. And I was fascinating with growth. I was fascinated with growth and like what it could do for you. When I originally left the corporate world, I took a podcasting course, I took a course on manifestation, and I started my own business in in organizing. But it was organizing in the sense that I wanted to create Pinterest perfect pantries, and I wanted to buy all the stuff and put it all together and Have it look so beautiful and I have a creative eye.
I just, I knew that I would be and as I continued to go through the decluttering phase of organizing and help people understand how to let go, I started to embrace the ADHD perspective of organizing and what it really looks like and means to have ADHD, but also trying to get organized and have all this stuff in your home, because there's so many people out there that just have been.
They drown in their stuff and they don't know what to do with all of it. And they don't know how to start. Right. And it's, and it's just we've been told our whole lives that we can't be with. So why even try? Because at this point I'm just going to mess it up again. That's every one of my clients who's hesitant to work with me is I don't I don't know where to start.
And I'm nervous that I can't keep up with it. I'm nervous that I'm not going to make it last. And as I continued on with my journey, and I originally my podcast was going to be just about organizing too, I just found that organizing with ADHD made so much more sense and was something that I could really get behind just because I love to talk about like the intellectualness of it.
There's just so much more to organizing than just organizing. Just putting things in nice places. It's about the peace that you can create in your life. It's about the control you can have over your stuff. But to that degree, it's the understanding and allowing yourself to make decisions in a way that gives you a future that you've been looking forward to for your whole life and a future where you can actually believe that you can maintain this.
And it becomes a part of your life versus it just being something that you do in a weekend, but then you give up on it because you spent the entire day doing it. Forgot to drink water and forgot to go to the bathroom, but then it failed because you didn't communicate to your family. And then your family ruined it.
And like, all hell has broken loose. Right? So that is what I do. My coaching program is 90 days working individually with me. And it's once a week coaching, and then we do decluttering sessions twice throughout the program. And I haven't come up with a smaller program because I find that the 90 days is really what's needed to make the change and sustain the change and allow it to continue to keep going.
So that is available. If you go to my website, mindfulmegs. com, You can get right on my calendar and we can talk about if it's a good fit or not. And there's a lot that goes into it. I don't think that I'm going to judge. It's not me judging you. It's just like making sure that I'm the right coach for you because there's so many incredible people out there that could support you through your journey with ADHD.
And that's what I think like with intro calls. I'm so glad you brought that up because I think that is what people. I don't know, my fear about an intro call, because the same with like me, it's you have to think of it more as a first date, like the most platonic first date you've ever had, but you have to think of it because it's not just someone coming to you as a coach and you being like, what's all your issues and drama.
And I'm going to figure out if I can actually help you for the, potential client side. Also, it is so much more of well, do we vibe. And we're both figuring that out. Like you might actually be able to help somebody, but if you don't feel like you vibe, if you guys don't lick in a way, something's not going to work and it's not going to stick.
So then it's just better to be like, okay, well, it's the same. If you've ever had a first date where at the end of it, you're like, this was nice. I don't really think we're going to have a second date. Thanks so much. And that can also be that rejection we build up in our head, right? But I'm so glad you mentioned it that with intro calls I think it's nice to just think of it as we're just getting to know each other and figuring out if we vibe and if we do or if we don't, and then we'll figure out if we're going to actually work together.
I feel like so many people. Think that if they're booking intro call, they're like already committing and it's like, no. I am curious that popped in my head though Obviously if someone's coming to you they are like at that point where they're ready to make the change They're ready to do all that but how do you get the buy in one from that person and then I would assume most of them have Families.
And this, I'm going to be honest, is a very selfish question because I'm AuDHD. I've got systems out the wazoo, but my partner, he refuses to subscribe to those systems. So how do you make it so your, so the whole family is actually getting the system? Because I know you, you don't just go in and be like, well, this is how we're going to make your pantry look.
You actually work with them of what makes sense to you and your family?
Yeah, I do. So after the initial consult call and Coming back to that too, I asked like very specific questions about what's your big I want to know what you want to change because I've had people come to me and they're like, I'd like to get more organized, but I'm really trying to lose weight in the next three months.
And I was like, I'm not your girl. I just want you to know that I can help you get organized, but losing weight While that is sometimes a a reward at the end of getting more organized. Cause like you allow more space for you to make decisions that make sense. There are some things like that, that come out of that, but I was like, I cannot guarantee that.
But I'll tell you like, and I actually also, I love being able to refer people to a coach that could work better for them. And that's why I love building networks of coaches that. Are where are going to meet people where they're at in the moment for what they need because I'm not going to be for everyone.
And so I think that's part of it too is just I'm at this stage of ADHD. What kind of coach do I need right now? What are you going to tackle first? And so that's part of it. And then family buy in.
So I do a very extensive questionnaire before we meet for the first time so I can really get an idea of the foundation that you built for your organizing and decluttering needs. It just allows me to understand where you're already at. So I'm not telling you the same things that you've heard over and over.
Now I'll still do a lot of repetition because well, working memory, it's important and communication is one of the biggest factors in if you will remain organized or not, and it's just getting used to that. And that's something that we talk about within the first couple of weeks is like, Hey, have you communicated this with your spouse?
And most of the time I have you communicate with them. As long as you're comfortable right there in the session, I'm like, text them. That's what you want. Because if you don't, sometimes we forget, right? If we're sitting there and I'm like, Oh, I have all of the intentions in the world of communicating this, but then the kids are crazy and then life gets crazy and then you forget that words exist, right?
So we do a lot of work with that, part of that too, is just breaking it down into the simplest version of the system possible, but then understanding what could work for them, because what works for you doesn't necessarily work for them. And so what does that look like in a family where you need one thing and they might need something else?
And how do you come up with that happy medium? So it's having those conversations and. Understanding how to make really small changes that stick so that you can prove to yourself that they stick. Because we also happen to come up with the most grandiose, and like eccentric systems that ever existed.
Right. And then when they don't go well, we're like, why is life when really, if we were to take it a step back and start to simplify the things that we have going in our lives. It can help.
If I were say coming to you, that would be my biggest fear of okay, well, we're going to spend all this money and all this time and I'm going to put all these things in place.
And then no one's going to actually follow through on it. But it's great that you have your clients have those conversations. You facilitate those and you guys come up with a way where. It can work for them as a whole family instead of just the one person, probably more often than not, the mom wants to get organized and she's hoping the rest of the family buys in, but like you said, a lot of the times we forget to communicate that or we don't know how to communicate that.
So that's amazing that you facilitate that aspect as well as, teaching them how to actually get organized and do everything.
Yeah, totally. And it's fascinating what you can do by just putting yourself out there and trying, right? And so if you're listening to this and you want to be more organized and there's something that hasn't been working in your life, like, when's the last time you talked to the person who's not, Making your dreams a reality, right?
And ask yourself that question and then start to analyze it from the perspective of what's not meeting my needs right now? What is the end result? What's not meeting my needs? And then ultimately, how could we come up with a solution together? And the truth is that while we have the greatest ideas.
And we think we can come up with solutions on our own. We just can't. And it's because we need that other person's. I'll give you a good example.
So my husband he does sales.
So he gets all of this swag, t shirts and he's got coasters and stickers like it's all over the place. So I'm always trying to figure out how to organize it in a different way, but often it gets put on the backburner. Cause I'm like, I'm not organizing his stuff. Right. I've got enough to organize.
Right. The other day I was in the garage and I was dabbling in the space and I was like, you know what, I'm going to try to come up with a system that makes sense. I was doing it without him. And what's funny is that I don't do anything without my clients because I can't organize a space without their input.
Because it's their input that's going to make it work. Because I don't know how they live their life, only they do. So even though I knew this, of course it's my space, so I'm attacking it in a different way. Sometimes this happens. But when he got home, I started asking him questions about it, and not even realizing I was putting my organizer hat on.
But it was fascinating, because the things that he was telling me, and how he uses and needs his stuff, was totally not something that I had even considered. In him being able to easily pick things up, being able to put it in the trunk of his car, the things that he would need on a regular basis versus the things that he needs only every once in a while, and so that completely changed the system that I was helping him develop.
And I was just like, this is fascinating, because here I was thinking I was changing his world for the better. But because I had the conversation with him, I truly understood how he would actually benefit from having certain things in certain places. And it wasn't until I started having those conversations more frequently, and then of course, encouraging my clients to as well, that I really started to understand that.
It's not just you, but if you are living with other people, there's a huge opportunity for increased communication in what sense and also doing it without getting angry, so checking myself last year when my husband was taking down Christmas lights. He stuck them in the garage and like just put them on a shelf somewhere and I like saw them and I'm like we have a Christmas light box right like that was my immediate reaction.
And then I was like, did I ever tell him that we had a Christmas light box? But where do you get the lights from? Well, I probably got them out for him. I don't even remember. That is total, I have no, I, no recollection of that memory, but and it could have been because I've been organizing over the past year and getting my home in order that I didn't have the Christmas light box yet.
That is a very real possibility. So I did, I checked myself and I was like, I communicated this with him. So I went in, this was my first attempt at communicating, and I was like, Hello, I'm just communicating with you right now. And I'm not angry at the fact that this has happened. But I just want to let you know that the lights don't go in the garage.
We have a Christmas light box. Would you be able to put these back in the crate? He's yeah, I didn't know we had a Christmas light box. And I was like, so it's just like these things and I joke with him all the time. I'm like, I really wish you could read my mind sometimes. Like it would be so helpful if you could just read my mind and things would just work out.
But the truth is that they can't. And we've got to be able to check ourselves and say, OK, have I communicated? And then when you have communicated and they're still not doing it. What's going wrong? And you can start to approach it from curious saying, Hey, I told you that we had Christmas lights in the Christmas light box, but you did the same thing as last year.
Can you help me understand? Why that's happening. And so that's where you can start to build. I've never had to have that conversation, although we haven't taken our Christmas lights down this year. So yeah, we'll see. But it's, yeah, it's starting to go in curious, seek to understand versus seeking to judge, because I think that's where we first go.
You're just like, you're making my life very hard.
And I think part of it too is understanding. How you both see the task. So for example, I was honestly venting to a friend about my partner. And I obviously view the task of, let's say, making a snack for my daughter very differently because to me, the task is get the things out.
Let's say fruit maker, sandwich, all that stuff, make it, give it to her. But then. Included in that task, in my mind, is washing the cutting board, putting the fruit back in the fridge, putting the stuff away. And it's quite obvious, in my partner's mind, the task ends when he gives our daughter the plate of food.
And the cutting board and the putting the stuff away is, then becomes a separate. Yeah, totally. To be completed at some time in the future. But I think that it's a good example of those are just two different ways that we work. And while yes, admittedly it frustrates me when I walk in and I see those things, I now can take a step back and be like, I just, I understand in his brain, those are two separate tasks.
And they're not joined. Versus for me, it's It's all one. It's the same as like making dinner for me. Making dinner includes cleaning as you go and all the rest of it. That is not how the task works in his brain. So having those conversations to, like for your husband, let's say his idea of the task might just be pulling the Christmas lights down, but actually putting them away.
My I'm not saying it is, but like for someone else that might. It's pulling them down as one task and putting it away as one task, and then maybe in your brain, it's all one task together.
Totally. Well, it's funny that you say that, too, because I brought it to my husband's attention the other day because He would be helping me out with things that I would normally do or even taking initiative on other things, but then leaving the trash out or not completing the task by putting this away, which means that now I'm still having to go and do that task and put things where they go, which is easier now that things have homes, but I was still you're helping me, but now it's still something I have to do.
So I did, I communicated that with him and it took a couple of times. So I was like, Hey, I noticed that when you did this, you left this out. He's like, Oh my God, didn't even notice. Right? So it's, which is so funny because he's not doing it to annoy me or to make my life harder, but he truly doesn't notice.
But now that I've brought it to his attention multiple times, I've noticed him completing the task fully, which has been so helpful to me. This stuff is fascinating. Have you heard of this woman developed this set of cards for splitting tasks evenly.
Oh, fair play. Eve Rodsky. Yeah. Love. Oh, delicious stuff. Like when I first listened to there was a podcast, she got interviewed and I was like, this is amazing. Like what a fantastic concept. For us to get behind, which comes back to what I said in the beginning is just allowing them to take control when previously I would take control of everything.
And I think it takes practice, though, too because there's so many times where I think, I would love you to help, I would love you to take over and take this, but I can't get my brain to not do it, but we've found a groove with certain things where I just naturally do things, I don't know, say I do most of the grocery shopping, I have an internal I Like in my brain list of the inventory we have in the house.
My partner doesn't have that. He will come home with a bag of zucchini. And I'm like, we have 10 zucchini in the fridge. What are you thinking? He does not have that internal inventory. But there are some things where. We have just separated out like I teach a class on Wednesday nights and he obviously is home with our daughter and for a little while I was trying to have dinner prepped and planned and all the rest of it and I got to the point where I'm like, He can figure it out.
He can figure it out. Like he is very capable. So I, and that's what I mean. It takes practice because the first little while I'd be like, Oh my God, what are they going to do for dinner? I don't know what's going on. And now I literally am just like, he can figure it out. And it might mean that they have. I don't know, baked beans on toast, and it might mean that they have a full, actual, real meal, not that baked beans on toast isn't, but
totally, right? But they're getting fed, right? They're healthy. At the end of it, they're still alive, and that's okay, right?
But it's such a huge thing. I have a hard time letting go and, and not being in control. And so I do have to practice it. There's the motherhood class that I took for neurodivergency. They it's two moms and they talk on their podcast. Cause they have one too mindful as a mother. They talk about, they're like, Okay, I'm dead, and my husband's in charge. He's gonna figure it out. And I love that, because I told my husband, I was like, Okay, in some of these situations, I'm dead, and you can do it. You'll figure it out.
But it's it's morbid, sure. But also, just like this great perspective of, Yeah, you will take care of our kids in the event that I'm not here. It's okay that I'm not intervening at every step of the way. In fact, it allows them to grow more because it shows that we trust them to make the right decisions.
Which empowers them to make mistakes and to learn from them. And yeah, but so I could see it on that side, but also like still allowing myself to not be in control as a whole thing.
So it's so hard. That was when I was pregnant. That was a piece of advice we got from one of my friend's husbands actually was he, cause when we did our Yeah, I guess you'd call it like a baby shower kind of thing.
But I had like little cards that people could write advice from, write advice on, and that was what he actually wrote. It was essentially like, let him do it his own way, and remember it might be different than yours, but it doesn't mean that it's wrong.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, that is, I try and keep that in mind. I'm not great about it. And I'm the same as you. I'm such a control freak of do it this way, do it that way, do it this way. And sometimes I justify it to myself because I'm like, I am seeing three steps in the future and I'm trying to mitigate what you're doing now, creating three steps in the future.
Yes. But then sometimes I also need to check myself and be like. He, what he's doing isn't how I would do it, but it doesn't mean that it isn't working and it doesn't mean that it isn't going to be, helpful or beneficial or okay type thing.
Yeah I've also started to check myself if I try to give too much advice and I asked my husband like.
Do you want me to just listen, or can I offer a suggestion? Right, is that okay? Because if you don't want a suggestion, I just want you to know that's also okay. I just see something that maybe there's a gap and you open to feedback. But I think that just shows our respect for them as well.
I'd like to go, I'd just like to think that, they appreciate what we have to say when they're in control of us offering that advice too,
but I'm putting words, saying it in a regulated moment versus a heightened moment is also very important,
freaking huge. Abso darn lutely. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I am mindful of time. I appreciate you taking time. Can you remind everyone where they can find you on all the socials in your website? And I'll put, of course, everything in the show notes.
Yeah, absolutely. So my website is mindfulmegs. com. My podcast is Organizing an ADHD Brain. And to make it easy from my website or my podcast, you can get all of my social links there.
And yeah I'm pretty active on Instagram and Tik TOK, so yeah, but thank you for so much for having me on. I feel like we could talk probably for another three hours just about life and ADHD and parenting and organizing.
So thank you so much for inviting me on. I can't wait to continue to chat.
Absolutely. , I know your 90 day, like your holiday program is closed, but you're doing smaller things. That's all on your website.
Yeah, so if you go to my website, they'll be on the website.
If you go to the holiday coaching program, I'll have a list of the things that I've posted already and things that you can sign up for. And then I should also have a preview of what's to come and some of the other courses I'll have working into the holidays up until even after the holidays, starting to plan our new year and what it looks like.
To start to think about decluttering and organizing for them.
If people don't want to do an actual like group and do calls and stuff you do have some templates that people can do and they're just do on your own in your own time which I think is a good option. You know if people just want a little bit of guidance like that's such a great resource that you have that people can look at.
And I'll also, if you sign up for the class, but you don't want to attend the class, I will take that recording and send it out to you. If you're anything like me, I like to tweet speed up my recordings so I can watch them faster. But then you can fill out the template as you're watching.
Amazing. Amazing. Well, thank you so much. I agree. I feel like we could talk forever, but we'll put a pin in it for now. And yeah, I appreciate you.
Thank you. You too.
