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Ready Set Collaborate with Wanda Pearson
Ready Set Collaborate is a podcast with a wealth of knowledge on networking, collaboration, and partnership, unlocking the secrets to successful teamwork and Innovation. Whether you are an entrepreneur, a creative professional, or just someone who can understand the power of networking and collaboration. This podcast is your go-to resource. Join us as we explore the stories, strategies, and insights from experts, entrepreneurs, and thought leaders who have experienced the magic of networking and collaboration to achieve successful results.
Ready Set Collaborate with Wanda Pearson
Unlocking the Secrets to Effective Networking and Boundary Setting with Pamela Byrd
Discover the secrets to building powerful connections with boundary coach Pamela Byrd as we delve into the Art of Relationships across professional and personal landscapes. February's enlightening series promises to equip you with the insights and strategies for becoming a master networker—proactively cultivating collaborations and expanding your professional circles through intentional giving, not just receiving. Learn to transform 'net waiting' into 'networking,' and how journaling can be your ally in personal growth and navigating life's challenges.
Embark on a journey that transcends digital barriers, where the essence of communication and self-awareness takes center stage in crafting meaningful relationships. We tackle the complexities of online dating, emphasizing the need to establish trust and safety in new encounters. Pamela and I unfold the art of setting and communicating boundaries and confidence, providing a toolkit for managing conflicts and enhancing connections. By the end of our discussions, you'll have a newfound appreciation for the subtleties of relationship dynamics, and the skills to thrive within them.
Contact Pamela Byrd
Boundaries Coach & Journaling Practitioner
Helping you to set the boundaries that matter.
CONNECT WITH ME:
678.480.4013
Join me in my FB Group: Let's Talk Boundaries
http://www.linkedin.com/in/pamelabyrd
Instagram: Let's Talk Boundaries
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Welcome to Ready Set Collaborate podcast with Rhonda Pearson, where we will dive deep into the world of networking, collaboration and partnership, unlocking the secrets to a successful team working within innovation. Whether you're an entrepreneur, a creative professional or just someone eager to understand the power of networking and collaboration, this podcast is your go-to resource. Join us as we explore the stories, strategies and insights from experts, entrepreneurs and thought leaders who have experienced the magic of networking and collaboration to achieve successful results.
Speaker 2:Tune in to Ready.
Speaker 1:Set Collaborate podcast on a journey towards achieving your goals with host Rhonda Pearson.
Speaker 2:Welcome, welcome, welcome to Ready Set Collaborate with Rhonda Pearson. But you know what? At the special edition of February is Valentine's Week, valentine's Month, and I want to bring some wonderful ladies on to the show to speak about the different things about relationships. So the name of this series is called the Art of Relationships and I have some wonderful guests. That's going to talk about relationships, about trauma relationships, about expert in the relationship and about boundaries in relationships.
Speaker 2:And I know my guest is going to be Pam. But Pam, she gave me a coaching session before. She helped me to help me deal with my husband a lot, so it's going to be wonderful. And then we're going to end with self care. So I think this is going to be a wonderful series this month and we want to just share what we know and how we can actually communicate and help you all with relationships, because what they're going to do is actually give you some information, tips and they are a great resource for you all to listen to over and over again. Make sure you all listen, share and follow, because you don't want to miss any of these episodes. So I am so excited to have these wonderful ladies this month of February to talk about so many things that can benefit us in building and maintaining relationships Without further ado.
Speaker 2:I am glad, yes, pam.
Speaker 3:B. I said hi, pam, hello and thank you, wanda, for inviting me to be a part of this amazing month celebration of relationship.
Speaker 2:You're a balance.
Speaker 2:I'd say Absolutely, absolutely, and I really appreciate you coming on, especially a short notice that if I was traveling I was okay. Who can I have any questions? Oh, yeah, pam. Pam does down to me, so I'm having different ladies that actually can give some great wealth of knowledge. But before I do that I want to read your bio, pam Pam Beard.
Speaker 2:As a boundaries coach and journal late practitioner, pamela helps women to discover the impact of past experiences in their daily decisions and begin to live life on their terms. For the past 18 years Pamela has had has helped hundreds of women gain victory over their past experiences and position themselves for healthier outcomes in the future. Pamela's experience with journalism, such the age of 11, has also positioned her as a journal late expert, helping others to realize the value of journal late as a stimulus for personal growth. Pam, I totally agree, because I started doing that when I started getting depressed or whatever. I didn't realize I was writing poetry and journaling, but that helped me relieve a lot of things that I had held inside and deep inside, especially since I wrote my book. So I appreciate you saying that. So welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Thank you, I am so excited to that you're here. But I'm going to ask you one question first, before we get started. So how do boundaries relate to collaboration and networking with your business?
Speaker 3:That's a pretty loaded question because there's a couple things to consider there, and one of the things about boundaries, wanda, is people, when they think of boundaries, they think of restrictions, they think of closing, but when it comes to networking and collaborating with your business, I say expand your boundaries, and the word. And if you think about expanding, that means getting out there, looking at the possibilities, being creative, getting outside of your comfort zone. So open up your boundaries, because it's not until you open up those boundaries that you're able to fully receive all of that you have coming to you and all that you desire. So one of the things I like to think about and you and I, wanda, we met through networking networking is about expanding, it's about collaborating, and one thing that people have to know about network is it's work, and you have to work and be intentional about expanding. Now here's what it is not. Networking is not net weight. So when you think about net waiting, that means you're waiting for something else to come along or someone to come along to help you If nothing happened. You have to be intentional, you have to, and then you have to know what it is that you want. When you know what it is you want, then you are willing to do the work that it takes to net work.
Speaker 3:And another thing that I think about networking, think about collaboration. I think about the reason that we network. You have to identify why do you network? What is your purpose for networking? What is your goal? Because a lot of people and you've seen this one in the past I would say there's two different levels of networking. There's one that used to be and the one that works and the one that does it when you go around viewing your business cards, telling people what you do and what you want and how can they help you.
Speaker 3:Networking is about being there for other people, finding out what is that they need. You heard it in the Bible give and we will receive. It's not receive and then they'll give. It's not that You've got to be the type of person that sends to a person that you're networking and that you meet. What is it that I can do for you? How can I help you? Who are the people that can benefit from what it is that I offer? So I think it's really understanding networking from a perspective of you got to expand your boundaries, you've got to do the work. You can't sit back and wait, and you can't expect somebody to do something for you. You have to be the frame of mind. Shift that to where you're there to do something or be something for someone else, and then we'll come back to you.
Speaker 2:I do perfectly, said that. I tell you I really appreciate that and it is so true. And that's how I'm going to get into your boundaries portion, because actually you build your boundaries around that networking, network and network. So can you share a bit about your background, expertise and relationships and boundaries?
Speaker 3:Sure, sure. I started my coaching practice back in Cool. It was probably about 18 years ago, and when I first started, for the first three years, I was helping women to determine what it is where they wanted to be in the next five years and to create a plan for doing that. And what I noticed was the pattern. I noticed the pattern of women wanting to do things but not taking the steps that they needed to take for one reason or another, and the main reason was because they did not set boundaries in their lives. They didn't set it in the relationships, they didn't set it in the activities, in the amount of time they had.
Speaker 3:And, most importantly and I think you can understand where a lot of women have grown up to be what I call people's pleasers and I grew up to be that people pleaser, in that when you're pleasing other people, you take away from doing the things that you need to do. And so what I realized was, you know what? There's a pattern of women not setting the right boundaries and the healthy boundaries. So because of that, I decided that for the rest of the so for the last 15 years, I focused on helping women to identify where the boundaries are needed whether the boundaries they have are healthy or unhealthy. You got to differentiate the two and then to help, to teach them how to not only set those boundaries, communicate those boundaries, but also to know how to maintain those boundaries should there be someone that doesn't necessarily want to honor them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I tell you you gave some good tips here. People listen to what she's saying, but she knows you're talking about here. So how would you define personal boundaries in a relationship context?
Speaker 3:Okay, personal boundaries are basically a respect for someone's real estate. So when I say real estate, basically your property. So if you think about two circles, right, you got two circles, you got two individuals. At some point they're going to come together. But understand, they only come together in the middle, they don't come together for the whole circle. That middle is that space that you choose to join with someone else. All the other space in that circle belongs to that person. So what's really important is that you define what that middle space is, that you decide to join together and set boundaries around that so that you don't impede upon someone else's property in the areas.
Speaker 3:Now here's something that people think about. When they think about boundaries, they think of walls. Boundaries are not about walls, they're about fences. If you can visualize the difference between a wall and a fence, a wall doesn't get as impenetrable. Some people have walls that are so high that nobody can get in. Will you do yourself a disservice when you build these walls? And these walls are basically built on past experiences, past pain that you've experienced. So you build up these walls. Well, what a fence does? A fence gives you an opportunity to be in control of who comes in who comes out, what comes in and what comes out, and it allows you to see the fence at the top, gives you an opportunity to see what's coming and to be able to determine whether this is something you want to let in or something you want to keep out.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You did exactly that. That's what boundaries come in, and I'm going to tell you how they always talk about my foresees in a relationship Communication, compromise, consideration. I had my fork with me, I know you can tell me what that is here Communication, compromise I was talking about other guests communication, consideration, commitment and compromise. Yes, those are my four Cs in a relationship. I tell my husband okay, what are the four Cs? I make you remember them. That's for you that is so important with that. But yeah, when you talk about that and I think I had all ranted to, how can someone communicate their boundaries effectively without creating tension?
Speaker 3:Yeah, can I tell you that creating boundaries is not going to eliminate tension?
Speaker 2:I don't know, I know, that's why.
Speaker 3:You have people saying, oh, just set a boundary? I think that would not. You have to be prepared to set a boundary. One of the things that my husband and I he often works with me on my boundaries coaching. We did a video just pulled up recently on, if you want to set boundaries, learn how to play the game at chess. Yeah, yeah, because there are eight things that I share in that video that I put on YouTube, that he and I did on eight things to consider when setting healthy boundaries that relate to the game at chess, One of the things that's really important, especially when it comes to reducing the amount of stress not eliminating it, but reducing it.
Speaker 3:You want to make sure that you have checked your emotions. You want to make sure that you are working off of emotional intelligence that's high, that's been worked on, that's been studied, that's been practiced, because you can want to set a boundary, but if you're setting boundary based on your emotions, most chances are that's an unhealthy one, and so when you understand different steps that you can take to ensure that your boundaries are healthy and that they are honored, then you want to make sure that you're at least considering where am I as far as my emotions. Am I reacting or am I responding? And reacting means you have a knee-jerk reaction to something that happened or something that someone did, or something that someone said, without getting the thought process of why did this happen? Why do I need to? Why did they happen? Do I even need to set a boundary? Or did I set a boundary before? That was unclear? That caused this person to do what I think is not honoring my boundary.
Speaker 3:Many steps that come into it and it's not something that okay, it's gonna be so hard. I gotta follow these steps. No, just like you said on those four Cs, Wanda, those things become innate. They're automatic for you. The first time it wasn't, you had to practice it. But as time goes on and you keep in mind those four Cs, eventually you'll get to the point where you see your boundaries are being honored as you communicate them properly. But that communication comes from making sure that you are responding to a situation and not just reacting to it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, I really. Yeah, you're speaking to me, You're speaking my language, that's so. Look, I'm just, and so we're talking. I think we're talking about respecting boundaries. How do you respect each other's boundaries and a relationship?
Speaker 3:It goes back to those four C's that you said, and I think one of the first one is the commitment. Commitment means you've both decided that this relationship is important enough to go the level, to go the distance and, if that's the case, understanding that two people are different, two people come from two different backgrounds and so the way that you think will not be the same. Oh, you may have some things in common, which is why that middle circle comes in for you, but we grew up with different backgrounds, different experiences, and so we're not going to always agree, and what's important is that you commit that this is something we want to have, this relationship we're going to commit to that. Once you commit to that, you have to be able to communicate. You got to communicate, especially when someone says something or does something that causes your blood level to rise. Then you're gut when something just doesn't feel right, just insane right, or goes against your beliefs. That's something to remember.
Speaker 3:But here's something I always say to people before you make that commitment, before you both make that commitment, in any type of relationship you want to identify first of all, you know your value, you know your worth, Because if you don't know your value and your worth, someone can trample all over it, Because if you don't know your value and your worth, then you don't know how to communicate it because you don't know it. And whatever you don't communicate, it will come out in your behavior. So you can't be surprised if someone doesn't honor what it is that you feel is your boundary. The first of all, if you haven't communicated. Secondly, if you haven't presented yourself in a manner that shows your worth and your value.
Speaker 3:And another thing I always say if you're going to get in a relationship with someone, make sure you know what it is that you want that coincides with your values and your work, Because then you can do what I call an interview, and that is once you identify the things that you want. I always my husband always teases about this because when we first met, before we met, his mentor had said to him create a list of 56 things that you're looking for in a woman or in your wife. He created 56 things, and so when we went out, he was seeing where I fell within that list. If I did something that was quite was a conflictive of what he on his list, why should he waste his time Too many times? We want to compromise, we want to make excuses for a person because of what they do, but if that behavior doesn't line up with who we are and what we want, don't waste your time.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Keep it moving, because the one that's for you is waiting for you. And how long are we going to wait? Make sure you know what it is that you want, your value and you're being able to identify those things and make sure that person falls in line with those things. And if they don't try to make it happen, don't try to force it. You know what they say. If it don't fit, don't force it, Wasting time in the long run.
Speaker 2:That is so true I know I've been married for 42 years.
Speaker 3:Congratulations.
Speaker 2:Lake Sturgeon's, wedgework and boundaries and training and a lot of different things that we go through. Like you said, we all have different personalities and it takes time, but I tell you it's all good. I say it's all good. Yeah, what's the difference with that?
Speaker 3:Can't imagine doing it without it. I really can't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now are there new challenges considered for boundaries in the digital age, so now remember to answer whatever. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3:Okay. So when you say, as far as dating online, what? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And the challenges we have with dating online, because I know they have all these different things online. Yeah, yeah, A couple. We're not couple, right person?
Speaker 3:When you consider the foundation that we talked about before things, to consider knowing your value and knowing your work and knowing what it is that you want. Those are foundational and I think they can be utilized to the digital age. However, what's really important that foundation is there's a lot that can be misconstrued via the digital age and meeting people, talking to people, whether it be on the phone, be it like we're doing right now these are key, but people can put on a face in front of the screen.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they can say whatever they want to say. All I can say is be careful in this, and that's in the beginning. You want to make sure that you've got somebody with you at all times. Then you don't go to some place where somebody, if it doesn't work out, can stalk you, continue to bow you or whatever. Be careful, Trust your spirit, because your spirit ain't lying to you. Your spirit will tell you if something's right or not. Let the feeling you get in your gut stay and don't make excuses, because guess what?
Speaker 3:that feeling in your gut? It's going to subside eventually because God gives us free will. He's a gentleman, so if he's trying to tell you something you're not paying attention, he's going to let you go. So be mindful of that and don't do it by yourself. Talk to somebody about who this other person is. Don't stay in an island. We're talking about safety here when it comes to ongoing relationships and this is not just in romantic relationships, but any relationship understand that the current digital age of texting this interprets things. He should ask yes, you can Talk to somebody. If you have a situation where someone texts you a message and you get defensive about it, ask them if they can talk. Pick up the phone, let's talk, let's meet in person, because there's something about the visual of seeing a person and reading it, looking at their eyes and then facial expressions. You can't see that in a text.
Speaker 3:I don't mean that People get into texting wars and that real relationships because of texting wars are an issue that could have been resolved so much easier if they're committed to the commitment, the compromise, the communication, all those things, but relying on the text. Emotions get involved. Make sure it's going well.
Speaker 2:Or you know what.
Speaker 3:The relationship is ruined and it didn't have to be.
Speaker 2:No, absolutely, and I like what your husband. The 56, the second of all for crossing the balance.
Speaker 3:Know what you want. Know what you want. A lot of times when it's sad if you don't know what you want or where you're going, any role will take you there, if you think about it. When people apply for a job, when they apply for a job, if someone wants to hire them, they go for the job. But is that job really the one they want? Is it the one that they need? Doesn't fit in line. No, they're excited because somebody wanted them.
Speaker 3:Well, you're value and you're worth in what you want. Well, if somebody wants you or not, it doesn't matter if it doesn't follow the line, what it is that you want and who you are.
Speaker 2:That's going to bring me to my next point here as we wind me down. So what tips do you have for addressing and discussing boundaries and a relationship without conflict? I don't know how do you address that.
Speaker 3:You know what? Let people walk into a relationship and they're expecting conflict.
Speaker 2:They're not going to get.
Speaker 3:But if you go in there into a conversation where you're seeking to understand, that creates a whole different dialogue and a whole different dynamic. And so it comes down to not making statements but asking questions.
Speaker 3:That's what you're looking for clarification, because how many times do we hear somebody say something and they don't mean what you thought you heard? What you heard was based on a trigger or a filter that you have in your own mind, and in order to clarify that, you have to ask questions. I was in a situation where and a lot with text too the one can say something and it can come across and you get offended by it. Well, it's doing it, letting your emotions get all up in the uproar, step back and say I didn't mean what I thought they said there. You don't know unless you go and you act. Now, another thing is, if you're not sure, you're afraid that it's going to be a confrontation remember you're seeking to understand.
Speaker 3:Another thing you can do is clarify it up front. The stage have a conversation. You said something to me yesterday or today that I'm just not sure if it came across the way that you wanted to come across. Or you want to make sure you use the iMessage. There's something you said to me. I'm not sure I received it correctly, for whatever reason. So I want to make sure that I'm clear on that, and I understand that there is no time limit on boundaries, so don't think you have to check someone right away.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute.
Speaker 3:No, you're just asking some time to process it and once you've processed it, you've allowed your emotions to get out of the way and let your thought process come in Process then, so you can know what questions to ask someone. Another thing you can do is say my goal in this conversation is not to create conflict, it's to create compromise, it's to get understanding. Whatever you say, I want to make sure I'm clear on it and then I'll go from there.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Repeating, making sure you've heard it right. No, those are some great tips Can you share as we wind me down, because I wanted you to tell us your social media had any impact with you. But can you share a success story with effect of communication, about boundaries, strength of a relationship?
Speaker 3:I sure can, and a lot of times, people you're in a relationship with. Depending on the level of that relationship and it doesn't matter which level it is there's always room to communicate your boundaries.
Speaker 1:And this situation.
Speaker 3:This was a co-worker that I worked with. This was someone that I worked with years ago and I worked for a. It was dealing with race. I worked for a company and in this company it was a bank that was like 600 employees, so it was a small bank In this bank there were only two African Americans, only two black people in this area in this bank, there was a receptionist that worked in my department, your admin assistant, and she made a comment to me one day at the end of the day and it was a racial comment, not one of the black ones, but I was. Yeah, she made this comment and when she said it I was.
Speaker 3:When someone says something that doesn't rub you the right way but I didn't want to address it at the time because I would have been reacting and in a work environment you definitely don't want to react. You get labeled when you do that. So it just rubbed me the wrong way. I went home and I thought about it and all over I slept on it and I came in the next day and I was in the office. She came back and she said her desk good morning. So I said to her I said good morning. I said I wanted to talk to you about something I said yesterday.
Speaker 3:You made a comment and I repeated the comment and I said I don't know if you're aware, but that was a very discriminatory comment. And she said oh my gosh, oh my God, I have no idea. I said I know you didn't mean anything, but I thought it was important that you be what that means from my perspective. So she said I am so sorry, I did not mean to say that. And I said oh, you're fine. I said are we good? She goes yeah, we're good, so we're good.
Speaker 3:But wait, she would always remember that someone let her know something that she wasn't aware of. And that's the same thing with our boundaries. A lot of times we'll have situations where people don't understand that's a boundary, whether it be telling a racial joke, a sex joke, whatever that is, if it's not a nice, instead of going back and reporting them, especially at work, let them know. I don't appreciate that. That wasn't a good comment. If you have to come back because you're not sure it's going to be too valid to as far as your emotions, a reaction, then step back. There is no limit on when you set a boundary, but do set it so that people understand your limits.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. That was a great way to end that arm and I really appreciate it because I've been at Fortford for 36 years and that happened. So just making sure you understand so that they don't keep making them conscious of what they say. It didn't sit well with you, so thank you for sharing this, but I really enjoyed you on this. You gave me so many tips and information. This is awesome. So what I want you to do now is actually give us your share, your contact information. I know you have some about a free consultation, just to talk about things, so the audience can know how to get into it.
Speaker 3:Great. First of all, I just want to say thank you, wanda. Wanda is known as the Networking Queen because she understands, and one of the things I'll have in my conversation with my husband is that Wanda understands relationships and Wanda gives, and this is because Wanda gives that she receives abundantly. So with that, I just want to say that in order to get in touch with me if you want to know more information about boundaries, actually I do have a Facebook group. It's a private Facebook group. It's called let's Talk Boundaries and in this group people have spoken, people have posted anonymous, so that people can help them to under members can help them to work through some issues they have sending boundaries. So you're free to join my let's Talk Boundaries group. I also have a.
Speaker 3:When you go into let's Talk Boundaries, you have to make sure you answer questions, for because they're boundaries within the boundaries, I have a lot of people, wanda, that try to join the group and they don't answer the question. They don't agree to the rules. I'm like then you can't be a part of my group. That's my great, and so make sure you answer the question. You agree with that, and in that I'm giving you an opportunity to take some of the courses for free that I've offered, and how to identify healthy and unhealthy relationships, how to have those conversations that you need to have. All of that is in there, and yet I do a consultation for 30 minutes complimentary If you've got a call at a discovery to see what's going on with you, what are the issues that you are challenged with, and let me see if I can help you with that.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. That's awesome. And your email address that they can get a talk. Just tell us what your email address is.
Speaker 3:It's in the boundaries coach at gmailcom, not the boundaries code. Cause T H E cause I am the boundaries coach. When you have a question, I'm going to come to setting boundaries.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. Thank you, pam. I appreciate all you're saying here, but definitely make sure you subscribe and follow, because I have so many different podcasts that I'm actually presenting on the ready set. Collaborate with Wanda Pearson, and this episode, the series of February, is about relationships, about Valentine's Day, about Valentine's month Right, it don't just have to be that day, you can celebrate every day. So definitely subscribe to us and, pam, thank you so much for once again being on my podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning into this episode of ready set collaborate. For more information about the host, head to WDPiersonAssociatescom and that's P E A RS O N Want to connect? Send an email to Wanda at WDPiersonAssociatescom and, as always, stay tuned for the next episode of ready set collaborate.
