Ready Set Collaborate with Wanda Pearson
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Ready Set Collaborate with Wanda Pearson
Breaking the Silence with Alfred (AJ) Robinson: Men's Pain, Healing, and Forgiveness After Divorce
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What happens when the silent pain of men going through divorce finally finds its voice? In this powerful conversation, author Alfred "AJ" Robinson shares the divine calling that led him to write "Notes of an Unfinished Journey: A Black Man's Divorce Memoir" – a book that breaks open the often-unspoken emotional struggles men face during marital dissolution.
"I didn't see any men speaking this pain," AJ reveals, explaining how God woke him one morning with a clear directive: write for those without a voice. What followed was a raw, authentic journey capturing not just his experience, but the stories of fifteen different men navigating the turbulent waters of divorce. The result? A chorus of voices creating a bridge for deeper understanding between men and women.
AJ eloquently challenges our societal conditioning around masculinity and emotion. While women have numerous social outlets designed for emotional expression – beauty parlors, nail salons, girls' trips – men are taught to "man up" without adequate tools for processing their feelings. "It's not that men aren't doing it," he explains. "The men that aren't doing it may not have the information to do it." This perspective shift opens the door to compassion rather than criticism.
Beyond personal narrative, the conversation reveals practical wisdom for healing. AJ emphasizes forgiveness as essential after divorce, sharing how writing became his therapy and how community support, spiritual guidance, and professional counseling create pathways forward. His gentle reassurance – "You are okay. Life will continue" – offers a lifeline to listeners currently navigating similar pain.
Connect with AJ through his website blackmandivoircememoir.com to explore his work and the men's community he's building – a safe space where men can finally speak the unspeakable and begin their healing journeys together. Mention you heard him on this podcast to receive his free ebook. Click Below Link to get your Free Ebook
5 Biggest Misconceptions About Men’s Relationship Pain
Connect with Alfred "AJ" Robinson
website: blackmandivorcememoir.com
email: info@blackmandivorcememoir.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AlfredJRob
Instagram: @alfredjrobinson
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Welcome to Ready Set Collaborate
Speaker 1Thank you. Collaborations fuse success. Tune in for inspiring stories, expert insights and game-changing conversations. Let's build, connect and thrive together. Remember, collaboration is the key to success.
Speaker 2Welcome to the Ready Set Collaborate podcast with Wanda Pearson, where collaboration truly is the key to success. I'm your host, Wanda Pearson. Today, I'm honored to sit down with author Alfred AJ Robinson. Aj's powerful new book A Black Man's Divorce Memoir takes us on a raw and courageous journey through heartbreak, identity and healing. His story sheds light on the challenges many men face, but rarely voice, offering wisdom and hope for moving forward after life's deepest losses. Get ready for an open, authentic conversation that will inspire resilience and strength, and I just want to say thank you so much, aj, for coming on my podcast. I really appreciate you. You're being here.
Speaker 3Wanda, I really appreciate you asking me. I'm humbled and grateful to have an opportunity, which you have done with your platform, what I've seen, the different conversations, I'm just grateful to be asked.
Speaker 2Thank you Absolutely, and you've got a short bio. So if you want to add something to this bio, we do, but we're going to dive into your bio and then also dive into your questions, because we both grow. Listen, aj, we both be busy. We be getting out there getting it in, Absolutely.
Speaker 3I'm actually just coming from an event. I'm out here in beautiful New Jersey, Hoboken, New Jersey right here on the pier I can practically touch the Empire State Building.
Speaker 2Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, I miss that. My husband's from New Jersey. We went to college in New Jersey, so I miss that. But I miss the snow, christmas time, but I don't miss the weather. So I'm in Atlanta. I like my warm weather. That's addictive. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2So let's talk about your bio. So AJ is an armored veteran, father, hr practitioner, speaker and bestselling author of Notes of an Unfinished Journey a Black Man's Divorce Manual. Speaker and bestselling author of Notes of an Unfinished Journey A Black Man's Divorce Manual. That was the shortest bio. Now do you want to add something a little bit too? Okay, yeah, I'm not done yet. Look at that A divorce manual. I love it. I love it. Black Man's Divorce Manual. And it's great that you shared that, aj, because a lot of men don't how they feel. So I love that you're sharing your story. I know with my story my book God's Grace Through the Fire, from Struggle to Triumph it was hard to write that book and that's where the forgiveness comes in, because I was digging deep down inside of what was going on with me and I'm sure the same thing with you as far as that. So thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it. So now you want to add a little bit more to your bio.
Speaker 3You know what I'm going to do. Better than that. I'm going to actually do better than that. I am going to crack this open, okay, and I'm going to read a couple of lines. Okay, hello, and welcome to an excerpt of my imperfect story. I am not a perfect man, nor husband or father. I have made, and continue to make, poor decisions and choices from my trauma filled mind. Let that sink in before we begin. I'm a black man, following a calling to write this memoir for you, the reader. This preface serves as a separate peek into my mindset and reasoning. That isn't even a word. As this is my first book, there will be some interesting plays on grammar and language, but trust me, the meal is more important than the plate it is on.
Speaker 2I love that the meal is more important than the plate it is on. I love that the meal is more important than the plate is on. I love that you think about that, sd, but it's so true on sunday we go and a man say it's in the book.
Speaker 3On sunday, a man say it's in the book, I didn't write it. But the man say on sunday the man say it's in the book, I didn't write it. But if the man say on Sunday, the man say it's in the book. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2So I just read it when it comes out the book? Yeah, it's in the book, it's in the book and you actually share that here. So what inspired you to write the Black Man's Divorce Menu? Memoir I'm sorry, memoir.
Speaker 3Memoir Pain, pain. I didn't see anyone out here saying what I say or in the way that I say. I didn't see any men speaking this pain. And God woke me up one morning. You know how God does. He don't have no rules. He do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 2We had this conversation.
AJ Robinson's Powerful Divorce Memoir
Speaker 3Anyway, I won't talk about my conversation with God. Anyway, god woke me up this morning and he said write this. As a matter of fact, I was in Atlanta. I was actually in Atlanta when he told me to do this and he said write and keep writing until I tell you to stop. And so I wrote and wrote an outline and I was like, oh, I don't want to say this. This is not about you, this is about for the men who don't have a voice and the black men who are afraid to speak, the men who are afraid to speak, the men who are in terror in their relationships you are going to speak for those men who are afraid to speak.
Speaker 2I love that. I love cause you know what God told me the same thing.
Speaker 3I had. Yeah, we got to talk about that.
Speaker 2God does whatever he wants to do when he wants to do it Right, and he keep pushing me to stuff and I'm like, okay, I said I would never write a book. And I get a call God told me to call you. And then I get another call you want to be in my collaboration. Then he said, okay, now you're going to write your own book. You know, the God's grace, you got another book to write.
Speaker 3It's called Children of.
Speaker 2Divorce. Okay, I like that. I like that. All right, you're going to come out with that one soon. So how did you find the courage to be transparent about your personal journey?
Speaker 3be transparent about your personal journey. Again, we're still talking about God, so it's really not my decision. It's literally what I just said. This has to be heard. And even to another question even as I'm moving forward in this, there's no one having a conversation the way that I'm having it, and so that God keeps pushing me forward, as you just said, you know what I mean. My answers are always going to be with God, because he keeps saying do this because you can't reach enough men. And when I get in podcasts and places like this, someone will hear my voice and hear what I have to say or hear what I read and be like okay, that book looks like me. There's some things that I see in that cover that looks like me and I get that. However, it communicates, however God communicates and bring people. I'm a voice for the silent lion, absolutely.
Speaker 2Absolutely. I love that, and because a lot of men won't do that, what you're doing here.
Speaker 3So divorce can carry stigma, especially for men. What unique challenges did you face as a Black man navigating this? It's painful. It's painful to have conversations. The challenges are behind closed doors, you understand. The challenges are when actually having these conversations and talking about the times I was in pain and helping to heal men and women, a lot of women. Here's another thing that's a real challenge. My sisters, my women, my married women. They have a misconception of divorce, just a word. It's like using profanity to a church person and because of that stigma a human being doesn't hear anything else. They just hear divorce, they just hear a profanity word. So they shut off. But the book is not about divorce. The book is about men's pain. The book is a bridge so that conversations can be had between men and women, so that healing and forgiveness can be carved. The first thing after divorce that should happen is forgiveness some way somehow, or else you're going to carry that with you for the rest of your life. I'm hoping I'm answering your questions.
Speaker 2No, you are, and it's good because we talk about forgiveness. But yeah, I wanted to ask you what was the most difficult chapter of your healing process and how did you overcome it?
Speaker 3writing. Writing helped. Writing was therapy for me. Right, writing was therapy and again I'm putting God in me because I didn't write it. It was my, where my editor went through the book with me and there's some places in there.
Speaker 3This book is not just about me. There's other men's voice. All my books will have other men's voice. So this is not just, but please let's make that clear. This book is not just Alfred. This book is a whole collaborative. There's about 15, 15 different men in that book and in all my books, so it's not just my point. The pain and clarity and speaking to the point and giving examples of other people can relate to the example. You understand what I'm saying. There's a beautiful chapter. The chapters are who, what, when, where and how. There's a chapter about a court scene, how. There's a chapter about a court scene and that, that man that was in that court scene. There are so many men that could you resonate with that. You know what I mean, and it's a beautiful opportunity for women to be able to read that and be able to understand what a man feels in that situation, because he's completely powerless when he walks in that room. You understand I'm saying there's some segments like that.
Speaker 2That's awesome and we need to hear this, because it's usually a woman that does this, and then it could be bitterness between bitterness and men and women. But I'm so glad you wrote this because I don't remember anybody writing a book like what you're writing here as far as how you feel as far as divorce is concerned, so were there moments when writing felt more like therapy than storytelling?
Speaker 3Again, and I was alluding to the fact when my editor went through the book and we went through the book Tooth and Comb and there was a part in the book. You have to buy the book. You can pick up the book. You can just message me info at Black man Divorce Memoir. That's info at Black man Divorce Memoir or my website, black man Divorce Memoir dot com is my website. You can go on there, choose and order the book. We'll get the book out to you. We usually send it out on the 1st of the 15th. Please order the book so you can read it yourself.
Pain, God's Calling, and Finding Courage
Speaker 3There was a part that I read in that book and I was like, oh my God, I don't believe that's there. And then we go back to that conversation with me and God I said God, let me, let me talk to you a second, but the book was already printed. I'm done. So. There is therapy, there's healing in there for men, because there's something in there that some man went through that he can resonate with. And then that's why I have my tribe, that's why we have the tribe that we're creating, the my tribe, that's why we have the tribe that we're creating, so when men can get together and have these conversations in a safe space with someone who knows it. I've done my 30 years.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, I can believe it. Look, I got 44 years. It's all, god, they say prayer is a real thing. Prayer is a real thing yeah, yeah, it's funny because I said I would never get married. God said oh, yes, you are. Now look at me 44 years later. Oh, yes, you are. Thank.
Speaker 3God, thank God, it's better to have someone than not have someone, because that loneliness is another piece that I wrote about. That is a whole different language.
Speaker 2It really is. It really is, but no, I'm blessed, I'm really blessed. Yes, it really is, but no, I'm blessed, I'm really blessed. And the thing about it, everything I say I never wouldn't actually my second collaboration, but never say never, because God has a plan for you. He sure did have a, he has a lot of, he has a sense of humor, doesn't he? Yes, he does.
Speaker 3I keep telling you I'll be having conversations with him.
Speaker 2I'll be having conversations with him. Let me talk to you for a minute. Yeah, he does, he does. It's a blessing, because we just never know and God knows who should be in our life and who shouldn't. Absolutely, and that's what we learned from here. So what lessons did you learn about yourself during and after divorce?
Speaker 3I'm still learning them. One of the biggest things that I've learned is I'm stronger than I thought I was. I'm more resilient than I thought I was. I'm more powerful than I ever conceived myself to be, and I'm made in his likeness and there is nothing for me to be afraid of. So that's a short answer.
Speaker 2Yeah, no, and that's that it really makes sense. It really makes sense because a lot of times people carry bitterness and hatred and anger and unforgiveness in their heart. So that's why God is definitely good to be part of the story, because he helped you get through the next chapter, because now you're like okay, what else can I write here without being negative but being on the positive side? What role did faith, family or community play in your healing journey? Because I know you said you have children. So here's the thing.
Speaker 3This conversation is laced with God, which is so interesting because I'm being authentic. There's no. That's another thing about my book and my presence. And when I speak in podcasts or when I'm on stage or speak in men's groups or whatever the case may be, I bring something different to the stage because I'm authentically me. I don't come with a platform or a plan or anything like that. What would help me? My daughters helped me. I made sure I went through a lot of spiritual forgiveness work. I took a lot of forgiveness classes, forgiveness, radical forgiveness I spoke it. Forgiveness classes, forgiveness, radical forgiveness I've spoken, I've taught one or two classes on forgiveness and really dive into that. To release we talk about pain, bodies and release. So I did that early on, even before the book was published, because the book wouldn't have been able to publish. Listen, you can't publish an airplane with baggage on it. You understand.
Speaker 3You can't publish something that's going to take off carrying a brick cylinder behind you. Yeah, you just. There is no animosity or hatred on my part toward my ex. I was very careful about, very worried and concerned about that because I cared for this woman. For still, don't you understand? I'm saying she's the mother of our beautiful children and neither one of us did anything wrong. That's an important thing I really want to do understand. I'm saying she's the mother of our beautiful children and neither one of us did anything wrong. That's an important thing. I really want to do this I'm being long-winded to get to the point of understanding that we did the best that we could possibly do with the tool that we had, and I'll make an analogy so it's simple for everyone on this podcast, as you hear this in this replay you can't tell a caveman he's ignorant when you're driving a Ferrari.
Challenges Men Face During Divorce
Speaker 3Wow, if you have a Ferrari, you have no right to turn around and tell a caveman who's afraid of fire that he's the ignorant beast. What you should do is say, hey, you got the wheel going on, all right, listen, keep working out with the wheel. This is how it goes and that's the piece that we, as human beings don't take the time out. We are quick to call a caveman ignorant without realizing. Let me do it another way. We are quick to talk I'm in 1940 about how bad they were when you're coming from 2010 and 2020. We're quick to judge somebody from 1980 and say 1980 is ancient because it has a 19 in front of it. But without 1980, you wouldn't be here in 2025. I just keep things simple.
Speaker 2Mm-hmm, I love that. Yeah, 1980. Yep, that was the year that I got married, 1981. I got married Soon after college. You know, same here.
Speaker 1In New Jersey Yep, yep.
Speaker 2Yes, no, that's a good way of putting that, though, aj. I appreciate that. So, for those who experienced divorce, what words of encouragement would you share if they're going through divorce now or have been through divorce?
Speaker 3You are okay. You are okay. Life will continue. The ocean waves will continue. It doesn't feel like it. There's a pause. Everything stops moving. The heart leaps out the chest you can see it walking down the street. All the body aches, all of these things.
Speaker 3Yes, I'm not a therapist. Yes, I'm not a. But time heals all things. And community, spirituality therapy. Get into God-based somehow. Get into a men's group. Join AJ's time. Get into some kind of group of peers who are going through the same thing.
Speaker 3Definitely go to a spiritual person, whether it's a minister, pastor, whatever the case may be. And if you're not comfortable in any situation, I I get it. I understand that. Go to a therapist. You're licensed practitioner, but there are things that you are going to navigate through that you did not expect, that you don't know, so you need to have conversations with people who do. You know. That's why Alfred's eight-day tribe is eight-day tribe. We can have that. There's so much powerful stuff when we, as men, take the time out to relax. Let me do this. I do analogies, and I've been here all winter.
Speaker 3Women have beauty parlors, women have nail salons. Women have girl days. Women have girl days. Women have girl trips. Women have all of these different things.
Speaker 3No animosity toward men. What do men have? We have sports days. When we have sports days, we're not talking about our feelings, we're watching sports. You understand what I'm saying? There are different. Our genders have different outlets. The male gender does not have many outlets where we can express our feelings, because we're not educated or taught about expressing our feelings, whereas women are constantly talked about or given outlets to express their feelings. Those who think the reason I did all that is to say is that it's different tools that are trained and different dudes that are trained. The other way, we're trained not to express ourselves. Women are trained to express themselves all day, every day. So I don't know if any of you grew up on a playground, but if you go to a playground, there's this thing called a seesaw. You have a seesaw and someone sits on one end and one person goes up and someone sits on the other end and the other person goes up. So one side is being taught speak and one side is being taught don't speak. Don't speak.
Lessons on Strength and Resilience
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Don't cry, men don't cry. I'm sure you were taught that, right? Don't cry.
Speaker 3Absolutely. Man up, take it on the chin. Yeah, yeah, she left you. She left with another person. She took all the money. She took man up, that's okay. She took the house, she took the kids. Man up, take it. You don't have no place to stay. Man up, take it, it's okay. She can take everything. Man up. What about my feelings? Oh, we don't have anything written about your feelings. We don't know what to do with your feelings, so you just you got to figure that out.
Speaker 2Yeah, and that is so true, and you're saying it, that is so true. And it's difficult for men, so they keep it inside and that's when you can. When it festers inside of you, it's hard to release it and what you're doing is actually helping those men to say, but a lot of the thing about it is, men, don't speak, like, in fact, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you what me and my husband I had to teach him the four C's Communication, commitment, consideration and compromise. Those are the four C's, not just in relationships but also in business. Communicating and that's what kept us together. And also God. God is definitely part of that. You've got to have God.
Speaker 3You have to have something else at the head, because the two of you, you have the same information. If you don't go, that's why I say go to therapy, go to a minister. You have to involve another piece of information, to involve healing. But go ahead. I apologize.
Speaker 2Yeah, no, and that's so true. We're having a conversation here, so, no, it really doesn't make it. And I say prayer A lot of times. Men don't want to pray, but pray to ask God to help give you that strength and peace and forgiveness in your heart. Those are the things they really need to, but it's if they want to accept that. A lot of them don't want to accept that, but they do accept it. It makes it much easier to deal.
Speaker 3Here's the thing, and I'm still agreeing with you, even if we're having a conversation. I'm careful. Words are powerful, yes, and I've had several conversations with people. Careful, it's not that men don't do it. Men don't have the tools. They weren't taught the tools. That's different from not doing. Not doing it is a decision. What I'm saying and I'm bringing this to the conversation I've had this conversation with several women.
Speaker 3Most of them don't listen and they walk away. They don't want to hear that part. I've watched it several times. Men don't have the tools. Again, we're doing the seesaw. They weren't taught that. You understand what I'm saying.
Men's Tools for Emotional Expression
Speaker 3So, without me teaching you that, then we don't have a man in the household. So there's no man in the household and you have mom teaching you the best things that she can teach you. She does a great job with what she has, but without that male presence within the household, I'm not, please hear me, I'm not making any decisions, I'm just simple apples to apples, oranges to oranges, without being taught something. You go to school for what? You go to get a degree for what? You go to get a PhD for what? So that same thing applies to knowledge. So it's not that men aren't doing it. The men that aren't doing it may not have the information to do it. Now if they had the information and they choose not to do it now we go into the statement of they're not doing it. But the statement should be men may or people may or may not have that information. And if you don't have the information, you can't move forward.
Speaker 2Yes, yes, and that is so true. And I tell you I'm glad you actually are telling people about that Tell people we got to have another conversation, so we're going to have another podcast. Because we're going to have a podcast, we're going to have a podcast in November.
Speaker 3I'm here to serve.
Speaker 2Yeah, as I celebrate my two years in November of having Ready Set Collaborate podcasts, I'm doing a different segment about forgiveness because that's my book that's coming out, so I want to have guests. So I want to have you on as my guest to talk about that.
Speaker 2So tell people and I'm trying to get you out of here as soon as possible, so tell people how they can get in touch with you and also I'm going to have it in the show notes you gave them how they can get in touch with your book, but tell them also how they can get in touch with you as well.
Speaker 3Absolutely Everything is through my website. One source is blackmandivorcememoircom. My email is simple info at blackmandivorcememoircom. Oh, wanda, please let me put this out there. Yeah, let me put this out there, and I've had this conversation sometimes. So the book is Notes of an Unfinished Journey. Okay, I'm not done yet. Yes, now what had happened was so it's Notes of an Unfinished Journey. I'm not done yet. That was meant to help men to speak my pain. What I went through? Nothing, but what had happened is I came to earth with this. Yeah, you know what I mean. And then I came to earth. Will jenna tell you? I'm a man and the book is a memoir. So the major point is the fact that it's notes of an unfinished journey. And then I'm a black man and this is my memoir. What has many voices in it? And my second book was still an unfinished journey, but it's about children of divorce.
Speaker 2I love it. I love it because children go through divorce too.
Speaker 3As far as they do and some of them never recover.
Speaker 2No, they don't. And then they actually end up being going into another relationship as far as what they learned. No, this don't. And then they actually end up being going into another relationship as far as what they learned. No, this is great. I really love this and I am truly excited about you being on my podcast. Thank you, aj, for sharing your heartfelt journey and the lessons you've learned through such a challenging chapter of life. Your memoir reminds us that healing is possible and that, even brokenness, we can find strength and resilience. To my listeners, you'll like to connect with aj or get a copy of a black man's divorce memoir. Be sure to check the show notes for details. Until next time and hold on.
Final Thoughts and Contact Information
Speaker 3anyone who puts why this podcast and in the notes will also get a copy of my free ebook. They will also get a copy of my free ebook. Absolutely, I appreciate being on this platform. Because I'm on this platform, I have to give back and I will gladly give back. Once you let me know that you saw me on pot waters, I will give you a copy of one of my events.
Speaker 2I want a copy. I want a copy.
Speaker 3It's done. It is done. Thank you very much, sister. It's been a pleasure. I hope that I served. I hope I helped someone in some shape, way or form. Again, info at Black Men Divorce Memoir. Just go right to my website, Black Men Divorce Memoir, and I'm putting a group of men together, you know what I mean, and we just talk it by.
Speaker 2That's awesome, that's awesome, that's awesome. And so next time, this is Wanda Pearson reminding you that collaboration is the key to success. Let's keep building, healing and growing together. Thank you, aj, so much for being on my podcast again, and it is going to be a next time, because now we got more to talk about and good luck on that phenomenal forgiveness book that's going to help so many people.
Speaker 3Yes, god is definitely using you, sister, definitely using you?
Speaker 2Oh, he is. He is using me here, but no, thank you so much. You're welcome, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1Bye-bye, bye-bye. That wraps up another episode of Ready Set. Collaborate with Wanda Pearson. I hope you found inspiration and valuable insights to help you build meaningful connections and successful collaborations. If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to subscribe, share and stay tuned for more great discussions. Until next time, keep collaborating and making an impact.
