82: Big Goals, Life Changes, Mortality, Death, Dying and Our Dead Dad Club

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Hello. And we're back. Um, part two. Part two. Yeah.'cause we were getting long-winded there. Yes. Yeah. We had a lot to talk about. Yeah. So I think this one's kinda pop culture ish. Yeah. And I wanna talk about my financial goals. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Go for it. Start us off. Yeah. Um, so Craig and I got in a big fight the other day. Oh no. Me and Calvin too, by the way. Same. No. Um, it's the moon. I it was the weekend. It was last Friday. The stars are in position. Um, mercury in retrograde and I, we had the whole weekend off. Craig wasn't gonna work. And I was like, I wanna go do something. I wanna be by water. It is hot. I wanna like go do something. Yeah. Yeah. I feel that. And um, so I was like looking up all these like K OAS and resorts and Jelly Stone and like Bellevue has a really nice offshore resort and. I just needed to be by water and outside. Yes. And so Craig comes home and I'm like, I think we need a camper because all of these resorts are full and we need, we can just like pull up, spend the weekend there. Like what kind of camper? Like a popup camper. Like a full on, like a full to behind? Yeah. Tow behind. Wow. Okay. Okay. And I was like, I found one on Facebook and I was like, I want this camper. And he's like, well, we need a truck to pull it. I'm like, okay, well let's go get a truck to pull it. Holy my gosh. When, who, who's gonna pay for the truck? Were you just the one who was like, we can't afford a new truck? Yes. Uh, that was me. And so anyway, we, I got in a big fight over it because I'm like, I wanna go do something. And he's like, I wanna stay home. I'm tired. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And um, so anyway, big fight ensued and I. We have talked about it and we have discussed, and we have done the mature thing. And it's like, this feels very wimy and I hate when he tells me that because it's usually true. Um, but we are getting a camper next summer. Mm. And then we're gonna save up, we're gonna save up for it, and then we're gonna get a new truck to go with it.'cause we're both have like 218,000 miles on our vehicle. I'd love to see your sienna pole campers. That's hilarious. Yes. So we are saving up and we're gonna make a smart decision. IF the camper that I found was great and fine, but like, there's so many campers for sale. Yes. Yeah. Mm-hmm. All the time. There's campers for sale, so there will be one. There's literally one in town right now that just got foreclosed on. So go check that one out. It's getting repoed. Yeah, it's repoed. Oh, okay. So go downtown. It's in the parking lot of the bank. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. So yeah, that is our new financial goal. So we'll be debt free by October this year, and then we're gonna start saving up. That's awesome. Yeah. How does, uh, Craig feel about camping? Um, Craig went camping when he was little and loved it. Okay. Okay. But he's very nervous because we, he was like too little. He doesn't know how to hook it up. He doesn't know how to Yeah. Really drive it. He doesn't know how to YouTube exist for a reason people Yes. How to winterize it, how to, like all that stuff. And everybody that I've talked to about keep myself and stuff. Yeah. Everybody that I've talked to is like, you just pull into the campground and you just ask for help and everyone will come and help you. Yeah. Like that's how campgrounds work. Yeah. Until you figure it out by yourself. So yeah. If you have any camping advice, I have some advice, not about camping, but I'll tell you this. Calvin used to be the same way after coming home from work. Mm-hmm. And it was like a fight to be able to do any, literally any single thing except for him, like going in the other room and taking a nap. Okay? Mm-hmm. And now Calvin has a different job and now Calvin has a joy to be around. So I think that Craig needs a new job. Oh, well that's a hot take. Yeah. Sorry. You can tell him I said that, but yeah. Honestly, like. It might be that he really enjoys his job and that's awesome. That's great. But if you're coming home and you like can't have a regular life because you're so tired. Yeah. Like get a new job. Yeah. But then I, I wonder if it's just men in general. Like, I mean, I'm freaking tired when I come home from work and I only work two days a week. But it's just different for me. Like I'm tired. I'm like, after I get home, I'm like, man, I don't want do anything. I don't wanna go home. Mm-hmm. Lay on the couch. Yeah. Lay in bed tired. And I was working full time. I still wanted to do stuff on the weekend because I think my parents, every Sunday we would do something. Yeah. Mm-hmm. We would like leave the house. Yeah. And go to a new place. And it could be like a museum, a new trail, a new like lake. Yeah. We just always did something. So then when I grew up and got outta the house, I was just expecting that. I'm like, Nick, where are we gonna go on Sunday? Yeah. Mm-hmm. He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm like, let's do something. I don't care what we do, let's do something. Yeah. That was just like, uh, like, and Craig almost has guaranteed every Sunday off, so it's like, okay, do something. Yeah. Let's do something. Mm-hmm. Let's go somewhere. Mm-hmm. For sure. So tell me about like, what are your, like must haves for your camper? Um, bunks, full size bunks. Okay. Um, like a bunk room basically back? Yes. Okay. Okay. And then a full-sized bedroom? Yes. Okay. Got it. Yep. That's really, and if we could fit a pullout sofa as fit as many people as possible. Okay. Because I wanna be able to like, bring Carver, well obviously bring Carver, but, but he could have friends or something. Sure. He, like, I want people to be able to come visit us while we're camping mm-hmm. And have a place to stay and I want, um, so are you looking for one that has the like pushout. Yeah, potentially. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Mm. So you could like double your footprint almost? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, and there's a campground, um, on a back gravel road that's like five miles from our house that we love to go to. Oh, nice. And throw the rocks in the river and just sit, like, literally put your lawn chair in the middle of the river and just sit. Yeah. And that's like our favorite thing to do. So. Nice. So, yeah. Yeah. What about with the truck? Like what are your must haves with the truck? Like, obviously be able to tow, but besides that, I have changed back, gone back and forth a bit beyond this because we found, we found a dream truck. Mm. Um, because it was the same color blue that Craig wants, and it was like a, it was really, it's only 109,000 miles and which is right in the range that we're kind of looking at. And,'cause we're so not No, no, no. Okay. No, no, no. We're not that good. Okay. We're not that bougie. Um, but we went to look at the truck and it's just completely rusted out on the bottom. Oh, shoot. And it, it's like a 2019, oh, what the heck? And only a hundred thousand miles. And it's just completely a rust bucket. I wonder if, so I've heard like, when you live on gravel, you have to be really careful about how it spla, like, I don't wanna say splashes, but like, comes up under the bottom Yeah. And like making sure that you're washing it and whatever. Yeah. So that it doesn't rust. I wonder if they just didn't do that. Yeah, they must not have. But even like the salt too. Yes. In the winters. Exactly. It's terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But my van Okay, but vans, I don't feel like rust like that. Mm, that's true. Yeah. But you also do a lot of in town driving too. Yeah. So maybe it's just different with the way that, that you live on gravel. No, no. I live right in town. I don't know. I don't know. But anyway, so we a, again, we just told ourselves when we're looking for it, the right truck will come around. Yeah. When we're ready to look for it. And this gives us time. I kind of wanna go to like a big RV dealer. Mm-hmm. And like look at all of the RVs. Yes. And this will be kind of fun, really see what you like. Yeah. And go for sure. Kind of shop around a little bit and Yeah. See what we like. So, yeah. And what our requirements are. I've definitely heard some horror stories of people who, I don't wanna say horror stories, but like people who buy large purchases, like a camper or something on Facebook. Mm-hmm. And then they get at home and they're like, this is not what I thought it was gonna be. Yeah. Like, this actually is really annoying about this or this, this or this, that. And it's just like, yeah. Take your time and probably shop around. Yeah. Yeah. So, so that's good. Mm-hmm. That's exciting. Something to look forward to. Yeah. Something to look hard towards. Mm-hmm. And you're only gonna have to spend like a hundred thousand dollars to get there. No, I think our budget will be like 50 grand tops. For both. For both. Dang. Okay. Good luck. Yeah. Yeah. Good luck, but how do, how do you, I mean, like the trail, the camper that we're looking at, we're looking between 15 and$20,000 and to get a decent truck, the one that we were looking at was 20,000, and that's all rusted out. So we're gonna have to 30. You're looking at that, at least 25,000, 28,000. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. At least I feel good knowing that we'll have a vehicle when one of ours dies, when one of ours goes out. Mm-hmm. You know, so, right. You have the van. Mm-hmm. What's Craig have, he's a work truck for you? Uh, F-150 2012, F-150. It's work truck though, right? Yeah, but he can still haul kids. It's a crew cab. Okay. Okay. Yeah, but it's definitely a work truck. I mean, we can't take it farther than New Hampton. The speedometer ISS broken on it. Oh. Oh, shoot. You can't, that's so funny. That's so funny. Good thing. Craig's a very safe driver, but yeah, there's just. Noisy. Noisy nail order. Sorry. So, yeah. Hmm. I'm glad that he's, well, that's exciting. He's open to the idea of camping. Yes. That's good. I would not be, I'd be like, heck no. You don't wanna camp? No, I don't wanna be outside Nick's like, why would I wanna go live outside and be homeless? Seriously? I just like, there's bugs, there's too much sun. There's no air conditioning like I want to glamp. Yeah. In a cabin where there's fully air conditioned, full bathroom, nice soaking tub. Mm-hmm. Really nice bed. I would love a cabin. Big windows so I can look outside and appreciate the outside. Yeah. That's what I want. But those are expensive. I know. But, but, so as a camper, so yeah, that's true both. And you, but you get to take your, like, travel everywhere. Whereas like if you bought a. Summer house somewhere or something, you'd just have to be in that one spot. Right. So yeah, we were looking at houses on Clear Lake too. Really? No, you could rent for the, you could rent an Airbnb. There's a lot of Airbnbs in Clear Lake. Yeah, they're kinda expensive. But you could do it for like, no. Were you talking about like moving? Well, no, maybe, I don't know. We're, we've been tossing around the idea of moving for a while We were thinking like, not, not around here. Forget it. Yeah. Didn't Craig would love his job back at Mills Fleet Farm. I feel like it'd be really fun. I love go in and just be like, Hey, Greg, what's up man? Yeah. And I feel like he would be like. Because there's this one person at Menards. Mm-hmm. Everybody loves to go to him because he knows where everything's at. Mm-hmm. He, like Craig would be that person at Lee Farm. Yeah. Yeah. And they'd be like, Hey, go to this Craig guy. Yes. He knows what he's talking about. Yeah. I love that. And then watch, he's gonna come home and he's like, oh my gosh, close. I have the best day ever. Yes. Like, let's go to the amusement park. Park. That's true. Oh my gosh, that's so true. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Who knows? And then I could actually work in a bigger hospital like I worked. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But yeah, we were tossing around the idea of Iowa City.'cause Craig could be a bike mechanic. Got shields. That's so far. I know it's very far away, but it's closer to my siblings, not my mom. But I don't know, I just don't think that we're meant to live in WA forever.'cause we've been tossing around the idea of like maybe building a house in WA someday, because there's like no houses for sale in wa. I really wanna stay in WA at least while the kids are in school. But then after the kids are outta school, I don't know that I wanna stay in wa like. Like until they're 18. Yeah. Oh, so then why build a house? That's where my mom's kind of at, like, she's, she grew up in Elma, I don't know. Mm-hmm. It's, it's kind of closer to Hampton, I guess. Yeah. Um, but, and she, so she, we inherited my grandma's land and farmhouse area, and she's like, I'm just ready to like, knock it down and build my own house and start over and like, go and retire there. Mm-hmm. And, yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Be kind of nuts. How, what do you think the, the market would be if you, so if you built a house in Oma mm-hmm. What would the market look like when you like, went to sell? Do you think you'd be able to sell it? Do you think? Like, is there people that wanna buy in the area? Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. There's a housing shortage, I would say in glaucoma. Okay. Yeah. Like if there's a house for sale, it is gone. Okay. Before, yeah, it's fast. Okay. Some people like, you know. Yeah. Very small, rural, yes. Mm-hmm. Towns. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But they're, they're hard to find. Mm-hmm. And the houses a good school district. Yeah. The houses I am guessing not up to date. Yeah. So you'd have to do a lot of up to dating. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Up to dating, up to date dating. That's funny. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. Like potentially like major life changes Potentially, but probably not. Oh. I mean, but you never know. Yeah. Like don't discount it. You never know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for now, a truck and a camper. Yeah. I mean, that's exciting. Yay. I appreciate that. You guys just like barreled through that and like came to a yes, yes. Resolution. It's not, it's not a never, it's just a not never. Yeah. I love that phrase. Yes. I used to say that to Gus all the time'cause he would get, when he was in his like really tantrumy phase and he would just cry about everything. I was like, I'm not telling you no, I'm just saying not right now. Ah, I like it. Yeah. Because with kids and now, like whenever I say Gus, maybe he's always like, oh yeah, oh yeah. Yes, yes. I'm like, I'm not saying yes. I'm just saying maybe we'll see. Yes. He's like, yes, yes. That's what, yes. What do, what do you guys' parents say? No. If you wanted something they say, she would be like, I don't have money for that. If you want that, that's gonna be your Christmas present. And I'd say, oh, okay. Yeah. My mom would be like, oh, you gotta wait till Christmas and it'd be like, this time your birthday's coming. I think that's why like I'm just not a Christmas person. Because whenever we got our like Christmas presents, it was always like randomly throughout the year.'cause it would just be like, I want this one thing that's kind of expensive. There you go. That's Christmas. Now we're done. Yeah. Makes sense. Makes sense. Maybe it's all my mom's fault that I'm such a Grinch way to go, Sue. Yeah. I'm honestly, that's whatever. Yeah, I'm fine with that. So, no, but like, it's kind of funny to think like, why you,'cause you know, everyone's like into your trauma. Mm-hmm. Like what, what made you the person you are? Mm-hmm. And like, you just go back, this, this is a un perfect segue into my mortality situation. Do. Okay. So let me just, I'm gonna read this to you, like word for word. Okay. Because I, when I was writing this down, it just was like coming outta me. Okay. Okay. So a friend of ours recently lost their like, childhood pet. She's young. So this is her first like major like loss experience in her life. Okay. So it was the first time and she was writing us this message. It's, it's her first time wrestling with like mortality. Okay. So like how long things live, like whatever. Um, and I thought that that was really interesting and so. I was thinking back and I was like, I don't really remember if I recall a time where I didn't think about or like understand death and like people dying. Okay. And so I'm thinking, and I'm like, I, I realized that like at the very beginning of when I had all these memories, I was recalling mortality and death, like with a really heavy sense of anxiety. Like, I don't know if my mom would remember this, but right after my dad died, I would call her almost every day. Uh, like to make sure that she was on her way home from work. And like if she wasn't home by the time that I like, affected her, would be home from work, then I would call her and be like, are you on my way? Are you okay? And um, and I really experienced a lot of anxiety ah, like those half an hour or whatever after she was supposed to be off work. Um, and I think now as an adult, I'm more realistic about it. But I just was curious like how you guys have always viewed that.'cause I guess. I've always been like really anxious about like tracking Calvin. Mm-hmm. When he's like on trips and like making sure that I know where he is and like, that he's not dead in a ditch somewhere. And like, I just thought, it reminds me that my experience is so much different than like other people's. Yes. And even, and so I was curious, we've lost our dad's, but like you were so young, right? Yeah. And so I was curious how you guys like feel about that. Like where you were before, how you are now. Like Yeah. If it, maybe it didn't affect you at all. Like,'cause it was, you know, curious. My parents have always been very real and upfront and honest about death. Mm-hmm. And we could die at any time. Mm-hmm. And I'm not gonna be here forever. Mm-hmm. And I remember from a very young age there that, you know. That was a real possibility. Mm-hmm. And then watching like law and order SVU Mm. Yes. Definitely added to my anxiety for sure. I would not let my children watch that. Yeah. But when we watched it, yeah. Yes. Um, and we would sit around on Friday nights and that was what, what we did is we would watch SVU, um, CSI, all that stuff. Criminal minds. Criminal minds. So the fact that people don't get murdered every day, like in our area mm-hmm. In our life. Mm-hmm. Like that, like, I couldn't grasp that. I thought that everyone, like it's a real possibility that I was gonna get kidnapped and murdered. Right. You know? So that, I think that shaped a lot of how I view death is So do you feel like you've always had like a level of anxiety around it? Or do you feel like it's just always been like a reality and so you just know that it's a possibility? Both. Okay. Yeah. Even now you're like, I'm now I'm, after my dad died, I'm very realistic about death and dying and cancer. Mm-hmm. Car accidents and like, I just, because some people like don't even get life insurance. Yeah. Or they don't have life insurance. It's like, you're, you going back? That's me, Sarah. Well, we have my, my mom took out a policy when I was a kid. No. So like, I have something, but I'm, I'm of the party where like, I don't think Calvin would really struggle if I was dead. Like, I'm okay. Just like all the things talk me in the backyard, guys. Like all, all the things you do for him. I mean, I, I don't know. He would have to hire a nanny. He would have to hire, send daycare and then like he makes Okay money now. Like he would be fine. I think he would be okay. Oh man. So I'm not really that, like, for him that's different, but for me, whatever. Okay. Continue on. Sorry. Um, so I went to funerals a lot as a kid to the point like we were just playing in the, in the back. Yeah. Yeah. Like, but like, I didn't like know anything. I mean, I didn't really know the. Then I was just like, oh, we got a funeral today. Okay. Me and my brothers were just like, we're just being kids. It didn't hit me till my grandpa died. And then seeing his body in the casket. Mm-hmm. That's where it like, hit me as a kid. I'm like, oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. Like, and then every night I stressed because I don't know how old I, uh, I don't know. I was freaking out.'cause I'm like, I'm gonna be in the ground one day. Mm-hmm. And I like struggled silently every night. I'm like, I'm like doing like the courses close. I'm like practicing. Yeah. I'm like, I'm gonna be like this. It's less like this and more like this just, but like, I was doing this and this is how I slept. Just like that. That is so odd. It was, that's very vampire by way. That's very vampire of you to, but like, I like stressed every single night as a kid. I'm like, I'm gonna be in the ground one. I'm gonna be in the ground one day. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna be in the ground. And then I just, then it just went away and then didn't think much about death until my dad. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I think I'm gonna be kind of like your parents, like I'm gonna be realistic with the kids. Mm-hmm. When I say like, we're gonna cross the street, you have to look both ways. Mm-hmm. And I'm kind of like, because a car could hit you and your body will be tossed and your head will probably come off and blood will be everywhere. And I don't wanna pick that up. I don't wanna pick that up. So that's how I am with the kids. I'll hear a cutter, I'll hear a cutter talk to his brother. He'll be like, Kat, you have to look both ways. Or A car's gonna hit you and your body's gonna, and like he's saying everything I'm saying to him and I'm like, maybe I need to reel it in a little bit. Like, I think No, no, I think no. Yeah. Like, I'm like super realistic with everything. Mm-hmm. Um, I kinda like, uh, like. So Cutter, like one time he said to his brother, I hate you. And I had to like look at Cutter and be like, you can like, like not be happy with your brother, but like you cannot say that. Mm-hmm. Be, and then I like give him a whole spiel. You only have one brother in your life. Mm-hmm. When mommy and daddy are dead. Like I say that, um, you're gonna have that one person that's gonna know your childhood and that's gonna be your brother. And he was just like, we talk all the time with our boys about how Gus and Bronson, you guys are brothers, you're best friends. Like first, almost like you are gonna be forever each other's best friend. Mm-hmm. So like, really appreciate that relationship now because someday like mom and dad aren't gonna be here, like you might get to a point where like you don't have a lot of other friends because you're adults and you have busy lives, but like your brother is the person who you will hopefully always be able to rely on. Yes. Yeah. I think I'm the opposite because I do not have those conversations with my kids. Really? Yeah. I don't think that they have a very realistic picture of death. They, they know my dad died, but they don't remember. Yeah. My kids have no clue. Yeah. They just see pictures. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so I think they, Carver probably has a better understanding of it, but I just remember being so scared of dying and my parents dying. Mm-hmm. That I just see them so blissfully unaware that I just wanna like protect that. Oh. You know? Yeah. Because I was so afraid of it and I spent so much time thinking about, I had nightmares that my grandpa, they never let me see my grandpa in the casket. That's for the best. I have trauma around seeing my dad. Yes and no. I had dreams that I was the only one that I could, could hear him and he was alive. Oh, I never saw him. Yeah. Like dead or deteriorate or like on his deathbed or anything like that. Yeah. So I can see both ways that yes, you need to see that this is dead and this is over. But then also like not seeing it. Also traumatized me because I, he like was trying to get a hold of me through the afterlife to let me know that he was still alive in his casket in the ground. That's scary. Yeah. That was, yeah. I've, I've never would've thought of that, but Wow. Yeah. Wow. So, I don't know, I do not have the conversations that you guys have with them. Wow. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. So, have you have they had an experience with someone that they love dying or anything like that? See, I was just thinking about this, like, they might not have that for a while, but we all have pets. Yeah. Yeah. True. So my pets always hit me the hardest. Mm-hmm. Growing up. Mm-hmm. I'm like, my cat died. Yeah. And yeah, that's, that was my first. Experience with death with animals. Mm-hmm. And I just cried and cried and cried. Yeah. My Bronson, we put bees down now probably three years ago, and Bronson will still bring it up and like, I can't tell if he's just being Bronson,'cause he's a kind of a drama king, but he'll still be like, he'll be crying and I'll be like, what's wrong? And he'll be like, I just miss bees. I'm like, oh honey, I understand. But he's, you know, he's okay now and blah, blah, blah, whatever. Yeah. And Calvin's grandpa died and like Bronson really loved Papini and sometimes he'll still talk about like, I'm Miss Papini. And I was like, so do we. But he's okay now and he doesn't hurt anymore and mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. It's really hard. But I do feel like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'd like, I'd like to know what everyone else thinks. Yeah, true. I, there was a video. Yeah. I don't know. I just thought that was really interesting. Mm-hmm. And it brought to like the forefront of my mind. Again, I don't know if you guys remember months ago now, we were talking about like when we got our first period and like how your guys' dads react to that. And I like, didn't even realize that I would've not had that experience. Mm-hmm. And I like never thought about it. I never thought about like the things besides like getting married or having kids or whatever that he missed. And then you guys talked about that and I was like, oh, I like really don't have like any experiences to like have a dad for Yeah. Just really it was just, and that, so this like again was like, huh, really interesting how it affects your life in ways that you don't immediately think about. Yeah. Very interesting. Yeah. So I was just curious. I wanted to get your guys opinion. That's a good question, a good topic. I have a, eventually if we ever wanna like disperse. These conversations and things. I have a huge list Okay. Of stuff that I've written down. Just FYI. You're becoming a death and dying podcast. Sorry. That's okay. Love the course. Like our walls are so dark and green. I love it. We're like in a little cave. Yeah. With a window. With a window. Yeah. Yeah. So if anything, like with my dad's death, uh, it taught me, it was like really, you know, life insurance and everything, like, take care of that. Mm-hmm. Like, um, I think they were pretty responsible. So my mom, she had like a, you know, it was pretty easy for her to figure that out. Good. Mm-hmm. Um, but I went on a grief, uh, like a grief support group on Facebook. Yeah. Tell us about that. You had a grief group too, right? In person? I went to a grief. Yeah. Like a, what they call it grief share. Mm-hmm. Okay. And, um, it was okay. Um, I felt like I was the youngest person there. Oh. But then, you know, I was at that point where I was like kinda angry. Mm-hmm. I was like, you guys are all older and you just lost like your husband after 50, like years, like mm-hmm. Yeah. I was at that point. Yeah. But then, but then just seeing all of them like, you know, cry and being in their feelings, I'm like, it doesn't matter. Like really how long you've been with that person, it still hurts the same. Yeah. So that's kind of what I took out of it. And the counselors were great. Yeah. Um, they were telling us their stories and one guy, he lost his wife to cancer, and then a couple months later he lost his only child suicide. Oh. So I'm like, oh my God. Yeah. That really gets you. But like, he, I mean, really upbeat, like, I think he like resolved it and like is trying to work through it, but like, I was like, man, but like he was a counselor. Mm-hmm. And I was like, gosh. You are just so like inspiring. Yeah. Yeah. And then this, these parents, their only son died of like this rare blood disease. Yeah. And, um, I mean, he's really popular. So like all of his friends that were getting married, they asked them, they're like, Hey, would you like to like, um, like, we want your son to be in our wedding party. And I was just like, oh my gosh. Yeah. So sweet. I'm gonna cry. Yeah. You're making me tear up. Yeah. Hold it together. That's very sweet. I just look over and surf. Oh. But I gotta have somewhere to, for the tears to pull so they don't run out. Yeah. Yeah. But they were counselors too, and I'm like, you guys are just like so inspiring as parents. Yeah, for sure. Like we've always said, if our child dies, like just, yeah, just end me. But then they're like, no, we really wanna like. Live for our kid. I'm just like, oh my God, that is so sweet. I could never, yeah, I know. I, I have the opposite feeling. I'm like, I would rather die than not have my kids. Yeah, yeah. But then it's just like, yeah. They just push through it and they're just amazing and wonderful people and I'm like, wow, you guys are awesome. Yeah. And then I do this like comparative grief, which I know that you're not supposed to do that, but that's just what I do is like someone's, someone's grandpa died and then they're like so sad and devastated about it. And that's like, and then you compare it like, well, my dad died. Mm-hmm. You know, and then me, and then you hear stories like that and it's like, oh my God, their kid died. Mm-hmm. And then it's like, you can't compare grief or loss. And I, yeah, I was there. Yeah. Like I was at that comparative, like, oh, who cares? It's just your grandma. The anger, bitterness. Yeah. Very better. Yeah. I think about that at my dad's funeral, like. Watching my grandma bury their youngest child. Mm-hmm. Like, he died almost 20 years before she did. Yeah. And like, that's just a really sad mm-hmm. Sad thing to think about. It's a parents' worst nightmare. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But yeah, so I was in that, uh, but like, just talking through it and like, um, just kind of going through the stages of, and like what you can do to like, remind yourself to like pull out of that darkness. Mm-hmm. And I was like, well, that's nice. Yeah. That's, that's a different way to think things. So it, it helped with my anger, I think, a little bit. So. Yeah. And you're with strangers? Yeah. Yeah. My mom went to a grief share, but she went to New Hampton, so she felt a little awkward because like those people all know you outside of that. Yeah, yeah, for sure. She's like, no, I kind of know this person, or I know that person. And like, it's hard to be like vulnerable, but like. You need to kind of know everybody. You might like run into them at the grocery store or something. Mm-hmm. Next week. Like it's just, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, you really should have come to Mason. Like, not when I'm there. Like, yeah. Yeah. Do you, um, do you talk to your mom about your grief? No. No. No. Mom and I are like really close and we were both there when dad died. We were the only people there. Mm. And so like, it was very bonding, so like we can really Yeah. You trauma bonded over that? Yes. Yeah. Wow. And so, like, uh, do you remember when dad broke his, because we were both there when dad broke his neck and like, do you remember that? And then ride to the hospital and, do you remember this? And like, we talk a lot about it or like, his anniversary of his passing Even still his passing even still. Yes. Wow. Anniversary of his passing came up and I'm, I was just like, why is this hitting so hard? Six years later. Mm-hmm. Like, I, I could have gone the past three years without even recognizing that that was his death date. And then just like, bam, it just hit me hard this year. Mm-hmm. You know, and it hit mom hard this year and she's like, how can I be so happy with this new guy? And still, oh, the camera died. Oh, boo. That's okay. We'll use super short. All the ones of us crying, we'll use ones of short. Yeah. And so like, why is this hitting so hard this, this year? And then, you know, we, we talk a lot about our grief because we were there in it for those 129 days mm-hmm. Of just hell yeah. You know? So. Yeah. What about you? Do you talk to your parents about it or your mom about it? I, well, okay. I haven't talked about like the grief necessarily with her, but like, this is, I. I, because I was so young, there was a, a period of time, and even still sometimes when I have questions about stuff, but there was a period of time when I was a handful of years ago now, where, um, I like was trying to get to know him and so I asked my mom like a lot of questions about him and like, you know, who he was as a person and like the things that he did. And like sometimes she didn't have the nicest things to share about him. And so like, that was actually really devastating. Um, sorry, um, to find out that like, and I felt like he was the person that I was really like connected to. And um, like I felt like he, at the time obviously being young, like he was my person, and to find out that he wasn't fully the person that I thought he was, was like. That's, that's it really rocked me for a long, long time. That can really hit you. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know if like Catherine ever knows any of those things that I found out from mom or anything like that, but I don't know. And it, it, I think it made me view my grief too, in a different way, which was really hard. So, I don't know. I still think that even this is 20 years, this year will be 20 years and I still feel like there's a lot of stuff that I've never dealt with. So I don't know. I really don't know. We, we've had conversations about, you know, who he was, but I don't think we've ever really talked about like how it affects us still. Mm-hmm. So, I don't know. And I, I did, I have talked about it with Catherine A. Little bit'cause I told her. That I, there are a lot of times where I think it still affects the decisions that I make and the like, just general feelings that I have about life and like how I'm so anxiety ridden all the time, so stressed about stuff and she's not like that. And so when we talked about it, she's just like, yeah, I think I dealt with it and then I moved on and I don't have that same feeling. Yeah. And I don't know, so we just are, we've dealt with it very differently. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know. That would feel lonely. Yeah. Especially'cause Calvin's grandpa dying was his first experience with loss. And so like all this time that we've been together, he just has had no clue about like the times before we got married, like there were. Times when we like weren't together. And he was just like, you're so angry all the time. Like, you need to fix it.'cause like, you clearly have not dealt with this stuff. And like, I can't be with you if you're gonna be like that. And like, so I did end up going to therapy for a little while, but he just never understood and like mm-hmm. I never, I'm not a big talker about it. Mm-hmm. And so,'cause I don't really know like, what do you say about that stuff? You know? Right. Yeah. Even to my own mother or to my sister. Like, what do you say? And so, I don't know. It's just, I don't know. Yeah. I would say in conclusion on pretty much what we're all saying is like it is just. So different. Like all five of my, all four of my siblings, we all lost our dad. Yeah. In the same way. And all of our experiences of him losing him were so different. Yeah. And so unique. Yeah. The things that you'll carry on after that are just so Yeah. Like it'll affect all of you so, so differently. Yeah. And at different times. Yeah. And in different ways and Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. It really, it really is weird. Yeah. Even I don't, we've all lost the same person. Not the same person, but the same person in our lives. Mm-hmm. And still we're just, we are so different. We've had different experiences. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. And I feel like all my siblings, we all carry it differently. Yeah. Like, I'm just kind of like, live with it, learn from it, and grow with it. Mm-hmm. Um, I feel like my younger brother is still struggling. He's still very angry. Your, their relationship was so different, I think, too, from what you had. Yeah. They all, we all different relationships. So like, um, yeah, I would love for him to like, just sit down or like, maybe just like all family, just sit down and just with, uh, someone who can like mediate a counselor or something. Yeah. And we, we haven't done that specifically, but we all, we're just so in it together. That's good. That like, we all handle, like I can talk to any of my siblings about it. We wouldn't, I wouldn't need a counselor. I wouldn't need anybody. Like, it's just such a regular topic that we talk about that it's just talking about the weather. Yeah. You know, it's not like this big thing that we'd have to like do. That's nice. Wow. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. But yeah, I just feel like I can't talk to my mom because then she'd just be like a blubbering mess and I'm like, okay, I can't talk to you. But that's like, that's kind of maybe if you did talk to her about it. And if you're listening, Linda, I'm sorry, but if you did talk to her about it, maybe that would just be like a stage and that would just be a season for your guys' relationship in that point, and eventually it wouldn't be like that anymore. Mm-hmm. Maybe you could get to the point of maybe talking about it without that. Maybe you never know. Yeah. I don't know. But like, just, I mean, she's still really emotional, which Yeah. Which is fine. Yeah. But I just, um, if she's like that, then I feel like I can't talk about my thing because Sure. I'm consoling her. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So well maybe view it from a different standpoint. And like you, you're not the person that she is having to lean on, and she, she's not the person that you lean on. You're just like there together both sharing your stuff and that's it. It doesn't have to be that you're like. Consoling each other about it, maybe, you know. Yeah. My mom talks about this a lot with her cancer. Um, she's like, there's like a circle and there's like a, the center, the person who's actually like has cancer, the person who actually died. Right. And then there's a circle around it, which is like wife, and then there's a circle around it that's like kids, and then there's a circle around it that's like immediate family outside of that. Mm-hmm. And then friends and you know, the circle gets bigger and bigger and you can complain outwardly. Does that make sense? I see. But you can't complain inward. You can't complain inwardly. So like, interesting. I can't complain, which I don't, but I can't complain to my mom about how hard her cancer is on me. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I can't complain to my mom about, well, I, I could talk to her about my grief and things like that, but we had a lady who is a friend of ours, come up to mom. When dad was going through all of his cancer stuff and she's like, it's just been so hard on me to watch him go through this. And it's like, oh, I'm sorry that the two times you've seen him in the past month have been hard for you to see. Like, lady, you gotta complain outward. Yeah. You can't, like, you talk to a friend about how hard it is to see him get weak and you talk to like a counselor, or you talk to, you can't mm-hmm. Complain back into the circle. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yes. Yeah. So I feel like, um, with, with grief and things like that, it's just, you gotta be careful who you say what to. Mm-hmm. I'm kind of like, you guys are still in the same Yeah. Kind of touchy subject stage. Yeah. I, uh, yeah. The inward thing. Mm-hmm. I just, I can't, like, unless you've lost like your child or like your parent, I like, I was like, okay, you. You'll be fine. Yeah. Like, I'm that, so like when my mother-in-law complains like, oh my gosh, my dog is good. Like, she's on her deathbed, she's blind and blah. I'm just like, I don't care. Yeah. I literally could care less. I don't care about your dog. Like, but yeah. And she just, I'm like, Brandy, do you not complain to me about your dog? Like, yeah. So I think that's why like, I am very empathetic. Like I have a lot of empathy for people. Yes. But it doesn't affect me the way that other it may be affects other people. Yeah. Like with parents or children, it's a different, but like, oh, your grandma died. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I, I remember when my grandma died. That's so hard. But it's not, I'm not gonna sit there bawling, but like somebody else loses their dad or their mom or whatever. And I'm like, oh, come here. Come here. I know what you, yeah. Or like, you know, their kid or something. I'm like, oh my gosh, I lost my kids. You know, like it's just, it's different. Yeah. And I think that there's probably people who listen to our podcasts who are like, your dad died big, whoop. Like Right. Like, my kid died, or, you know what I mean? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Like, I, I think so there's just perspec and I wouldn't be offended if someone said that to me. No, not at all. Because I get it and I'm in it. Mm-hmm. And, um, yeah, it's just, it's interesting how it affects everybody. Yeah. So differently. It is. So, yeah. Am I in that stage where I'm just annoyed? Like maybe bitter, the anger bitter. Oof. I remember that. I remember that. I feel, I don't really, don't what? I don't really remember that, but I feel like also maybe because I was so young, people were so, like, they don't know how to act. Afraid Yeah. To say anything. Mm-hmm. They were so afraid. Uhhuh. And even now, I think we've talked about this a little bit, like. There, obviously it's been so long now, there are so many, like most of the people in my life don't know that that happened. Mm-hmm. And so they'll ask questions about, like, if I'm talking about my mom, they're like, oh, what, what does your dad do? Or like, what? Blah, blah, blah. Or like, what about your parents? And I'm like, oh, my mom. And they're like, oh. And then, you know, and I have to be like, oh, well he's dead, actually. And they're like, they immediately get that like, oh, like panicked, like deer in headlights. I'm like, it's okay. It's been a really long time. Yes. You're not hurting my feelings at all. Like, you're totally fine. Yeah. But yeah, so I don't, I don't really rem Maybe it's just been so long. I don't really remember. I don't really remember. Yeah. Hmm, hmm. I do remember the, the anger, the bitterness. Mm. I also remember feeling like after he died, like there was a big hole of darkness. Mm-hmm. And I could, and I was just teetering on the edge. Mm-hmm. And I could tell that I, I wanted to, I could like, jump in. Yeah. Jump in. But also like. I was just on the edge. Mm-hmm. And I never, I never jumped in. Mm-hmm. But like I could feel the pull of it. Mm-hmm. I could feel like the wallowing and self pity and stuff like that, but there was just so much to do. Mm-hmm. There was life insurance, there was death certificates, and there was like, I had to help my mom with that. There's something that, so that people do not know, it doesn't end there. Yes. Mm-hmm. You have so much more to do afterwards that you don't even have time to like grieve. Yes. Mm-hmm. You just have to power through it and then Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you have to worry about all that stuff. Yeah. The funeral planning, how much funerals cost the casket, what song does he want? What flowers? Right. Yes. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like, just make it look nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, don't ask me this petty shit. Yeah. I think that's part of why probably me and my mom never really talked about stuff is'cause she was so deep in the Yeah. Like that, that part of that she was in the survival. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So like as an adult now, I think it would probably be different because I think we'd be more like your family where we could band together and you know, help carry some of that burden. But then it wasn't like that. Mm. So, yeah. Yeah, it was overwhelming. And I like looked at my mom during one of these times and I was like, mom, can you please do yours? Like, plan yours so I don't have to do this. Oh yeah. And she's like, oh, for sure I'll do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This fireworks going off. Oh, I didn't even hear it. I didn't either. Is that what you were Oh no, I was admiring the room. I know. I just kind of like look around, like talking you guys. Oh yeah, me too. I'm, I never make eye contact when I'm like speaking always like going out the window or the ceiling. Yeah. Well, this interesting episode was not, I am sorry. It got, I'm glad that we did this one by itself though. Yeah. Now. Yes. And it started off really happy. Yes. Got, I'm trying to think what the title is. Sorry. Financial goals in our dad's death. Dead daddies. Mm-hmm. Yes. But you do have that comradery with people who have also lost a parent. Yeah. Yes. And I even feel like we can't relate necessarily to people who have even lost their mom. Oh yeah. That's still way different. I think that's like still a super sure. Different loss and a super, but there is like a dead dad's club. And I have, I have a friend on my phone, um, in my Snapchat and I'm part of the Dead Dad, dead Dad club, and we just snap each other about things that are like dead dad stuff. Yes. Dead dad stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Something people said or something that comes up and um, my Texas girls, all of them have lost their dads. Really? That's fascinating. And I'm like, that's kind of weird. Yeah. So we need them as guests if they're ever here. Right. Yeah. So like the one girl lost her dad and the other girl, and then the other one, her dad, her parents were very old when they had her, but they have like, she's got like eight siblings. Wow. Mm-hmm. And he's like 80 or something. Mm-hmm. Dementia. Oh. And she just came home to go see him. But like, she took a vulnerable picture. She hid his face and she like, was looking away because she's like, it's really hard to like see, um, someone you love, just deteriorate. Yep. Mm-hmm. And not be that person anymore. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And she, you know, she wrote this, this sweet message and was like, go, go see your loved ones. Go tell your loved ones. You love them, because I wish I did this earlier. And I was just like, oh, Savannah. Like, yeah. That's so sweet. But yeah, it's getting pretty close and I'm like, you're gonna join the club. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. That's funny. Yeah. But yeah. Oh, it's just kind of weird. I'm like, oh, why have we all lost our dads? Mm-hmm. It's just weird. Yeah. We're at that age, I guess. Yeah. Oh. What are you guys gonna think about when you get to that age where you start? I hope I live to be his age, losing more people. My mom is having a 62-year-old birthday party, celebrated, her mom died when she was 61 and my mom was 23. Mm-hmm. And so, um, she's like trying to outlive her mom. That's always been her goal. Yeah. Ever since she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, she's like, I just wanna outlive my mom. Yeah. So I'm turning 62 and it's gonna be a big ass party. Yeah. Good for her. Yeah. Celebrate it. Good for her. So, yeah, that's good that she like, oh, I'm gonna live. My dad was like, I don't think I'm gonna live past my parents. Which is he always said that. Yeah. And I'm like, shut up, dad, you're gonna be a hundred. Yeah. Oops. Jokes on you. So, yeah. Uh, anytime, like yesterday when we had dinner with our friends mm-hmm. Family and he's like, oh, I'm 62. I'm old. You're still young at heart. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You got so much. Hopefully so. I just, I look at age differently as our parents are aging. Mm-hmm. Like, wow, you're 70. Good for you. Like Yeah. It's, it's more of an accomplishment. Yeah. Like, to me it is. They're probably thinking nothing, but Yeah. You know, they're probably stressed about turning 70, like, I was stressed about turning 30, but Yeah. How old was your dad when he died? Um, let's see, he was 51. 51. 51. Yep. I think it's gonna be weird outliving my dad, like my mom. Kind of like how she, how old was your dad? He's 57. Oh. So not, you know, middle age. But, um, I think it'll be weird turning 57 and being like, wow, this could all be over. Yeah. Oh. Or like, congrats Melissa. Happy birthday. And you're just like, my mom just said that not that long ago. She's. She's 70 and she's gonna be turning 71. And I think her mom must have died when she was 71.'cause she's like, I'm turning the same age as my mom when she died. And I'm like, oh yeah, of course. Oh shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm. Interesting. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then also like even just, okay, so we've all lost our dads. I think it's different. You guys both lost your dads very suddenly. Mm-hmm. You lost your dad very young. Mm-hmm. You know? Did you, didn't he didn't meet your grand, his grand, your kids cutter was born? No, he meant cutter. Cutter. Okay. Yeah. But like my dad, like it was long and drawn out. Mm-hmm. Well, as long as 129 days is, but do you know what I mean? Like we had time to process what was happening. Mm-hmm. We saw him deteriorate and things like that. So like even our experiences are so unique, different in that Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. Where I have a friend who lost her dad to COVID and he was in the hospital and she never got to see him. Yeah. And it was just like, girl, I just. You know, I know for a while I was always like, oh, I wish he had like a, an illness that we knew, like, oh, there's a timeline mm-hmm. To your life. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like maybe would've pushed more to see, but like, just free will it, you know, willy-nilly that sometimes I'm like, oh, I wish you had the time to say goodbye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I, the COVID stuff is really sad because like Yeah. They cut off everything mm-hmm. To the hospitals and it's like, oh, that freaking sucks. Yeah. And then everyone was like, doing the window thing and I'm like, mm-hmm. Nah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I'd be like, let me end. Yeah. I think if I was an adult and I had lost him, I would've wanted it to be along so that we could have process, said goodbye and mm-hmm. Like reminisced and all that kind of stuff. But yeah.'cause I think as a kid, I don't think that would've been good. Yeah. So, I don't know. Because like we got to, dad picked out the songs for his funeral. Yeah. He knew I was gonna give the eulogy. Like he, wow. Like, you know, it was, he picked out the verses for the gospel or whatever, and there's a sense of healing in that kind of Yes. Like comradery. He picked the person who's done, the last place he went was to pick out his grave site, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So has it been really scary? Maybe he never talked about that, like his feelings about that? No. Hmm. No, not really. Hmm. Was he an emotional guy? No. Oh my God. No. He was like a, like a farmer. Like, no. Yeah. The first time, the first time I saw my dad cry is when we got his pet scan results that had gone everywhere. Mm. And mom called me, it was, um, Memorial Day, and I went over to my house and I just ran to him and I gave him the biggest hug ever. And, um. We just both cried. And that was the most meaningful hug I've ever got from my dad. Yeah. And, um, yeah. Other than that, there really wasn't a lot of meaningful hugs. Yeah. Meaningful in a different way, I suppose. Yes. Yeah. Um, but yeah, that was the first time I really ever saw him cry. Yeah. And that was two days before he died. Wow. Yeah. Do you ever do that when you cry and just make funny sounds? Yep. Because it's so uncomfortable. Do you feel like it's uncomfortable when you guys cry? Yes. Yeah. I love to cry. What about it do you like? Because I find it so uncomfortable. I like, and like in every way, it's like, just a balloon. Just like, like I have all this like, built up anger and I just need to like, just release. Mm-hmm. But I feel better like in a car ride. Like by myself. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Like, that's when I like to cry. Yeah. And Alex Warren, he's having a song come out called Eternity.'cause both his parents passed and I'm just like, me and Nathan. Is that my car? I bet it's that my car. I think it's Nick. Okay. Okay. He always hits the button on his pocket, but like, it's such a good song to cry to. Mm-hmm. So like when it comes out, I'll send it to you guys. Yes. But like, oh, oh, I won't listen. I hate crying. Okay. I hate it. Yeah. I love it. I hate it. I think it feels good. I think it's like embarrassing. Yeah. I dunno if you guys feel that. I feel embarrassed when I cry. Yeah. I don't know if that's just like, it's, if it's like the topic always that's embarrassing about it or if it's like the actual act of crying, I don't, I don't really know. Yeah. I just, I don't know. It's very uncomfortable. Yeah. I get very uncomfortable when other people cry. It's like, I don't, don't know. I don't know. That's probably a me issue. I immediately go into like, how can I make them stop crying? Yeah. Yes. It's like almost a panic. I'm like, oh my gosh, what do I do? Yeah. Like, gotta crack a joke, gotta like, release attention. Gotta do something. Like, I think that's how I feel about my mom. Yeah. Like, it's just too much. And I'm like, okay. Stressful. Yeah. Yeah. I can't fix what you're crying about. So, yeah. I, yeah. Gonna sit there. Yes. Yeah. Hmm. Well, what a day. What a topic. But then also, like, I remember it was so weird. Um, there was a person, I'm not gonna identify them, but there was a person in my life who had, it was very distant to this and, um, she came over with a card and like, food after dad died. And I was like, I wouldn't even expect you to go to the wake. Mm. Like, that's how distant we were. And she came over and she was so. Just sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. I'm so sorry and I can't believe this is happening and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just like, I'm comforting you now. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like people need to understand the circle thing again. Oh. But I think it was so much more about her experience with her dad. Yeah. And like imagining what we were going through. Yes. Mm-hmm. And like none of what she did for our family or what she was feeling that day had anything to do with my dad. Yeah. I think it was all to do with her own experience. Yeah. With loss and grief, and it was just, yep. Very strange. There's certain terms and actions that I've noticed now, like I'm, I'm sure I did it, like, oh my gosh, let me know if you ever need anything. But you got told that all the time. Yeah. And then it puts so much stress on like, oh, then I have to be the one to reach out and like, Hey, like if anything like. I would just do it. Yeah, just do it. Just show up. Just show up and do it. Yeah. Whatever you plan on doing, just do it. Don't even ask that person. Like,'cause that just puts so much stress in like, okay, you told me that, like, reach out, but like mm-hmm. It's awkward for me to reach out. Right, right. So yeah. One thing about me, I'll never reach out. Yeah. Ever. For any, any ex like any circumstance, don't ever expect a call or a text from me. Okay. Like, it just won't happen. Like, well how do you do that? Like, hey, so remember how you said that you could ask anything? Right. It's like, like how do I, how do I Yeah. Yeah. If you were like, no, reach out to me any seriously. Anytime you need anything, let me know. Uh, and then I'm just kinda like blank in the face. Like, uh, I'd like my windows wall. You know what, what do you want me to say? Yeah. I'm hungry. Get me a i food order. Yeah. I'm too sad to make food. Can you send food? Like Yeah. It's. So I just always just appreciated people just showing up and like, here you go. Yeah. Yeah. You know what was super helpful? Someone brought a laundry basket full of paper plates. Yep. Paper cups. Um, like sunny d for the kids. Yep. Um, Uncrustables, just stuff for like the kids and then like a punch of paper plates so we didn't have to do dishes for everybody that was all coming over and eating all of this big stream of food that was coming. That was super Why were super coming over and eating the food that they brought you. There was so much food. My, but like Oh, so you like invited them so that you would They just came over. People just showed up. Oh yeah. I would not like that. Yeah, I would not like that at all. I kind of did. Weren't there a ton of people when your dad died? No. Uh, that like came, they just showed up with food or friendship. I think my mom's family like came over once, like her brother and his kids. Mm-hmm. I don't really, I don't think so. I don't really remember. Yeah. I do remember though. Like, after my mom had gone back to work and like we were back in school and stuff, one of her friends, and actually her daughter was one of my really good friends at the time. Um, she like came over and like helped us clean and stuff after my, my mom went back to work and I was like, that was really helpful. Yeah. Like looking back, like, oh my gosh, the last thing I would want to do would be cleaning. Like mm-hmm. Yeah. So yeah, like that was really nice, but I don't really remember, oh, man, getting food. The house was full, full desserts everywhere. Like, I'm like, don't feed my like, sugar addiction with desserts. Literally bring a salad, like a celery and some carrots. Yeah. Bring a vegetable plate. But like, yes, someone came in with like paper plates and mm-hmm. Like napkins, cups, because we did have so many visitors come. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And my mom had all this dessert, so she's like, here, eat some of this because I'm not gonna be able to eat it all. Yeah, yeah. Um, you can only freeze so much. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I, I just look back at that and I'm like, that's really sweet and really nice. Mm-hmm. But like I never thought about like the first time we experienced death, like people came over, I'm like, oh, that was nice. Yeah. I didn't know that was a thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I need to do that for more people. I ask, I don't really ever hear about when people die, like people that are close to us. Yeah. Oh yeah. I don't know. I think like if it's like someone maybe close to our age and you know, they were married, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I feel like we weren't really close when your dad died, so I don't know if, I don't really remember if, I don't think I, I don't know. I suppose that's a regret that I have. What do you mean? I wasn't like, we weren't really close friends at the time that your dad passed, so I guess I don't really, I don't know. I don't know if I talked to you much about it at the time. No, but you showed up to the wake. Yeah. That was sweet. Yeah. Oh man. I just, yeah, that was really sweet when people showed up to the wake. I feel like I didn't really know anyone. Yeah. But I dunno, it was like a fricking circus at his. Yeah. It was big. Well, ours Okay. My, my dad's funeral was super fun. I'll be, we put the fun in funeral. So what what we did is we did it totally different than I've ever seen done before. And this is exactly how I want mine to be done. I'm just saying. Okay, Craig, take notes. So we had the service at the church. It was a very, and we said just immediate family only firefighters and first responders.'cause he was on both of them. Mm. And so we that filled, completely filled the church. Mm. And so immediate family. And then them, and then we did a procession with the fire department and had the lights and sirens and the cool, um, fire trucks all the way to the cemetery. We buried him and then we went to. The event center afterwards. Mm-hmm. And we had open bar. Oh gosh. And there was no line that we just all mingled in. Like it was like a graduation party. Yeah. Like everybody just mingled. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And people came up and everybody was drinking, and everyone was eating. And it was so much music playing and it was just like fun. And it was so good to see people. You could talk to, people that you wanted to talk to. Mm-hmm. And people that you didn't know or didn't wanna talk to, you didn't have to. So it was more of like a celebration of life. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And it was all in one day. That's a long day. It was a long day. It was like two to eight, you know. Yeah. That is a long day. Holy smokes. Yeah. Wow. So that's what we did. And the kids could play, didn't worry about them. And yeah, it was great. Were you surprised about anyone that was at the funeral of your. I was like my fifth grade, I was in sixth grade at the time, but I had my fifth grade teacher came and I was like, oh, interesting. That's sweet. Yeah. There was a handful of teachers Yeah. That came. I was surprised they loved you. Yeah. You must have been a good student. Oh, I was. I did win an award in sixth grade in history. Oh wow. Um, I was surprised by what someone said to my mom. Oh yeah. Oh gosh. I remember you suddenly, yes. Yeah. Someone came up to her and was like, you know, it's just too bad he couldn't figure out how to quit smoking. Oh, shoot. To my dad who died of lung cancer. I do feel like I recall that you had said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe she meant it as a joke. She's trying to lighten the mood. Yeah. It's like you don't think, you didn't try like, oh my God. Geez. Yep. Uh, this one lady who I've known forever, family friend. She like, told my mom, you know, I had a big crush on Dale, and I'm like, oh gosh, my God, this is not the place. Yeah. And she was like, yeah, we were playing, you know, cards. And he just really did it for me. And I'm like, I mean, my mom was like crying still, but like, kind of laughing like, ha Like this was a recent experie. This was at the, she had, this was at the wake. No, but I'm saying like she, that crush was recent. No, this was when we were children. Me and my, you know, I was a child and Yes. But how recent? Oh my gosh. Was like the card game. It was when we were children. Oh, it was when you were like, she's just always like, had this like feeling. Oh. And then just decided to tell my mom better there. Oh, awkward. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, good gosh. And Nathan's like, um, yeah, like Hannah, don't you remember they were like literally holding the card like this? Like none of none. No one wanted a spoons. We were playing spoons. Yeah. They were holding onto the spoon like. They were fighting over it. Yeah. And he's like, you don't remember them sitting there for hours just holding this spoon. What? And I'm like, no, Nathan, I don't. He's like, yeah. Like, it totally doesn't bother me that like, or like, it doesn't surprise him. Surprise, surprise him. Yeah. And I'm like, interesting. But I'm like, gross. Yeah. Interesting. But interesting. No, I have a lot of classmates come. Good. They just worked with, or like they worked with my dad. Yeah. And I'm like, oh. And then I felt bad. I'm like, well, I never asked him about it. Yeah. Lots of amount of knights. Oh yeah. They were looking at Nick like he was the freaking devil because like, I don't, I don't think they've ever seen a tattoo. So when you know, Nick's just covered. Yeah. And Nick, he can feel it. Mm-hmm. He would like whisper. He's like, why are they looking at me like that? And they were like in their Mennonite dresses, just like behind their dad towering in the corner behind their dad as my dad, as their dad was talking to my mom. Mm-hmm. And they were just like these scared little girls. Oh. And I'm just like. Think think you're a devil worshiper. Yeah. Like know, they're like, we've been told stories with the crucifix. Yeah. The power of Christ. You, you meet some holy water. So he like flick it at him as they walked by. That's funny. But yeah, I was just like, okay. And then, uh, this one Mennonite, he adopted two Guatemalan boys and my mom's like, oh, Dale loved those boys.'cause I think like Reminds you of the boys Yeah. Of Nathan and John, the boys. Yeah. And I was like, oh, they're cute. And then I look over and like, the one kid, his whole hand was in his butt crack. Oh, it itching. And I'm like, I am not touching that kid. So like there was like some lightheartedness in it, but I'm just Yeah. Some, some of those memories stick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This has been an interesting, um, episode. Episode. Yeah. Lot of crying. Sorry people. Yeah. You got to see a vulnerable side of us. Yeah. Yes. Um, but like I said, hate that for you. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. If we made you uncomfortable, could have skipped that part, I suppose. Yeah. Thanks for listening all the way to the end though. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, put a black heart and a dove if you've listened all the way through. Yes, yes. On our Instagram comments. Yeah. And then a clown, you know, it's silly with it. Yeah. That's hilarious. Mm-hmm. Tell us if you, because I have that whole list. Tell us if you are interested in hearing more about it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I'll try to find someone who can like, kind of help, maybe facilitate the conversation. Yeah. Yeah. I'll reach out to one of my grief sharing counselors. Oh, interesting. That would be good. It would be super interesting. I really liked the one guy, like really liked him. Yeah. Okay. I feel like he would be down. Oh, I bet. Like really? Okay. That'd be awesome. You, like, we can't pay him, but if he just wants to hang out, if he just like, I think he'll buy him a coffee or something. There we go. Yeah. If he wants to come or I'll buy him a meal. Like, I think he eats a lot of microwave, like. Those. Oh. Oh my gosh. We could go have lunch afterwards. There we go. Amanda Damon Calissa can stay for a little bit. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that would be fun. Would be fun. We go to Chick-fil-A even'cause Csaa, Chick-fil-A Love me some Chick-fil-A. Me too. Hi. Okay, well this has been Hannah and Calissa. And Sarah. Bye.