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Coco Off the Grid
Let's go off the grid and get silly with today's headlines, work dramas and the unexplainable actions of others.
Close your blinds, shut off your lights and put your phones on airplane mode because it's time to join me for another episode of "Coco Off the Grid."
Coco Off the Grid
Death by Deliciousness
Why did Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi choose the UK as their new home? Is it a simple retirement plan or a politically driven move in the wake of Trump's election? We dive into these questions and explore the aftermath of Ellen's controversial career, dissecting the public's skepticism and the accusations that led to her talk show's cancellation. We consider the broader trend of Americans moving abroad, reflecting on the cultural and political nuances that such a decision entails. Ellen’s attempts to mend her public image through humor in her Netflix special are another piece of this puzzle, raising themes of personal accountability in both public and private life.
From the public persona of kindness to the off-screen allegations, what can Ellen teach us about the importance of accountability and legacy? We draw parallels between Ellen's story and personal anecdotes, exploring the complex nature of relationships and friendships. Inspired by personal experiences, we ponder the challenges of modern technology and customer service, as well as the quirks of daily life like Florida traffic and unexpected events. Through these musings, we reveal the relatable chaos and unpredictability of our own lives.
As the holiday season approaches, we share personal stories about reinventing Thanksgiving traditions, the importance of positivity and breaking away from toxic relationships. Join us as we navigate the complexities of decision-making, the passage of time, and the everyday hurdles that shape our lives, all while maintaining a healthy dose of humor and introspection.
If you like this show and all it's shenanigans, please feel free to give a follow over on Twitch and Tiktok (it's more of this!)
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What's up everybody? We are back with another episode of Coco Off the Grid. Hey, it's going to be what it's going to be, right? In any case, I got the nice minty, fresh breath for y'all. I have not eaten yet, sorry, I see more chair movement. I hate this fucking chair. Anyway, we're going to cover a little bit of stuff today. I don't know that we're going to make it to the full hour, but I'm going to do my best. Hopefully my chair has settled now so we can just be fucking cool and be friends and just not have this problem. Probably not, though it's probably going to give me another issue. My mouse looks like it wants to die on me, which is fine, but also it's going to have to chill for a minute because I still need to fucking do this show. Right, I haven't had my coffee or bagel yet, so we'll see how this goes, all right.
Speaker 1:So the first thing I want to talk about is who the fuck cares that ellen's moving to england or the uk, whatever you want to call it. Who really cares about that? Um, I'm gonna google it and we're gonna read, because this is outrageous that this is even considered news ellen moving, let's see. I like how there's a gif. Who cares? That's so fucking funny. All right, let's see Yahoocom. They always have good stuff. Sorry, I was laughing at a different article that said that Meghan Markle's not following her. So let's see.
Speaker 1:It says Ellen DeGeneres moved to the UK as reportedly for retirement after being kicked out of Hollywood. I'm pretty sure she wasn't kicked out. I'm pretty sure she did that to herself. It's no longer news that Ellen DeGeneres is relocated to the UK with her wife, portia de Rossi. Reports earlier suggested that the couple made the move because of Donald Trump's recent win at the November 5th election. However, it has now been revealed that Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi's relocation is part of the former TV host's retirement plan, as she settles to live her life away from the public eye after coming under fire for fostering a toxic work environment. Okay, right, bitch, all right, we believe it, let's continue.
Speaker 1:According to the Daily Mail, the former Ellen DeGeneres show host's relocation to the UK wasn't just a response to the outcome of the recently held US election, but also her resolve to retire her enduring TV career. Bitch, you've made your whole fucking life controversial, and I'm saying that out of love and respect from one adult to another, but you've made your life more difficult than it needs to be. And I'm not saying that because she's a lesbian. I'm saying it because the decisions she has made throughout her career have either gotten her love or extreme hate, like when she decided on her show Ellen back in the early thousands she was gonna have her character come out as gay after executives told her not to do that and her show got canceled. Nobody was ready to hear that yet, and I understand you're trying to be a pioneer for that community, but maybe people in that community weren't ready for it yet. You don't know that. Anyway, reports let's see.
Speaker 1:Reports previously suggested the couple made the move because Trump won the 2024 presidential race. However, insiders told the news outlet that the couple already planned to move before the elections for DeGeneres to kick off her retirement. Make no mistake about it this is Ellen and Portia's retirement. Neither one of them have any projects lined up. Well, portia DeRossi, the only thing she had going on was Ally McBeal, and then she did Arrested Development as well after that. And then what the fuck else has she been in? Anyone want to tell me? Portia D Rossi, dan, I know you're going to look it up. Be cool and let me know later.
Speaker 1:Ellen really felt that she had made her mark on the industry, but that was diminished when she was canceled over her alleged treatment of her staff. The source added Then, to have celebrities call her out one by one was so hurtful. Look, if it happens, it happens. No one wants to be the first person to be the whistleblower. Nobody wants to be the whistleblower. Nobody wants to be that person. Unless you're really strong enough to take on the backlash of it.
Speaker 1:The people who stood up against her awesome big fans do it some more, okay, because if there's people like her running shit, running TV shows and whatnot, put them in their place. Everybody's afraid to put these people in their place like they're gods or some shit. I'm a normal person, I'm a civilian. Could I be a celebrity in another lifetime? Yes, people in my discord put me in my place all the time. Me and Dan have enlightened conversations all day long where we can still shake on it and be like cool, none, neither one of us runs away like, well, fuck that guy, I'm never going to be friends with him again because we're in our thirties.
Speaker 1:This bitch is in like her fifties, sixties, whatever. She'd been her hundreds for all. I give a shit. And she's acting like she's a victim of Hollywood. Maybe she should have drank that gold juice, like Taryn Manning said, if you haven't heard that shit. That shit's crazy, that chick she. I hope they have her in witness protection or something, because people are going to come after her.
Speaker 1:Anyway, another source shared that the way people's attitudes towards genders change following reports that she fostered a racist and harsh work environment was enough to see her leave the country. But that was years ago. You can't say that now. This was years ago that this came out about you. This wasn't yesterday. Stop lying, bro. It's about Trump. It's about Trump. It's about Trump. It's about Trump, stop, ok, you can't say it's about the allegations made against you from years ago. Okay, this happened, I think, probably when we came back from COVID.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna look it up, though, with all the ill will towards her, she was looking to move away even before the election, so she should have done it, so it didn't make it look like this. The source began and as things panned out, with Trump winning, she's glad that she's making the move and going to be away from the U? S. The source continued she has the one person that still loves her Porsche, which doesn't even look like it from pictures I've seen of them together, and she's ready to leave everyone who in her mind left her hanging out to dry. If she considers it her retirement, so be it.
Speaker 1:Nobody gives a fuck about Ellen DeGeneres. That's the funny part. Have you ever seen her pictured out with anybody but Portia Lately? I should say Nobody gives a shit. All these other celebrities are probably in their house looking at this article or looking at any news of Ellen moving and going. Oh, okay, at this point she's an acquaintance at best to anybody who's making those Brazilians, okay, brazilians. An enormous part of the US doesn't like her because of her sexual preferences and others were turned off by her persona, which some perceive to be fake in the wake of the workplace allegations.
Speaker 1:Bruh, that second part, so true, because once the curtain's been drawn, okay. Once they pull back the curtain on her bullshit, uh, woe is me. Let me cry on camera, bro. You also went on to do stand-up. That kind of was like fuck Hollywood. So which one is it? Are you upset that Hollywood left you in the lurch or are you upset because you can't make friends anymore because of what people believe about you now. Is it fuck Hollywood or is it fuck Donald Trump? Which one is it? It's fuck Hollywood. It's actually not even fuck Hollywood. It's like oh, hollywood left me behind. Trump won, yeah, that's the final straw. Bruh Trump is a person, by the way. That's like breaking up with someone and moving out of your house. That's not even near them. That's what that is. You're leaving the country because a person won, and I just love how everyone thinks that there's. All these changes he's going to make are going to undo everything Joe Biden did, which maybe he doesn't have enough time though you would need a decade at least to undo everything that happened.
Speaker 1:Not saying anything about anybody being a bad guy, but I'm just saying Ellen moving to the UK is like her moving, like who does she even know who's in the UK? Or is that the point? I think Johnny Depp lives in the UK now, or is it Paris? I don't know, but either way, these celebrities are just doing what they want, and this is not news. This is there was a bad breakup. This is what it feels like. So it feels like the breakup was between Ellen and Trump, ok, and she had to move out of their house. That's what that is. And essentially we us, the neighbors, who are seeing this shit firsthand are like oh, okay, she's moving, wow, and that's it. Move on with your fucking day. Like, this girl's putting so much drama to it. It's insane.
Speaker 1:Nobody hates her because of her sexual preferences. At this point it's so in our face. I don't give a shit if you love the color purple and want to fuck it or marry it. If I'm being perfectly honest, I have a gay coworker who I love to death. Okay, he is the shit. I love the entire gay community and that's it.
Speaker 1:I don't care about Ellen DeGeneres' love life. I'm pretty sure nobody else cares about it either. Like, she's been with Portia for like from since the dawn of time. She hasn't been with anyone else that I've seen. I think she was with Anne Heche for like two seconds. I think Anne Heche is deaf, right, or maybe that's the other one I'm thinking of. Anyway, I just love that An enormous part of the US doesn't like her because of her sexual preferences. No, bro, we don't like her because she's a shit ass person. Okay, she's a shit ass person. Sit ass person, cool. Anyway.
Speaker 1:The source added that DeGeneres finds it easier to move away from her problems than to confront them, adding that the whole incident seems like a sad end to what she once was in people's minds. Nobody cared about Ellen ever. I didn't even think her comedy was that good. She like quit doing stand-up to do a talk show. You became very vanilla. Why not just stay raunchy? This would have been way cooler if you were still that raunchy stand-up person that people liked.
Speaker 1:Now you're just another asshole that's moving out of the country anytime. I see some shit about people moving out of the country because donald trump won. I'm like good for you. You have the money to do that. But also, why have you studied politics of any other country? Do you know what your rights are as a man or a woman, even as a woman, in another country? Is anyone doing research? Are we just leaving? To leave Like that makes no sense.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm a. I'm a woman. I'm a Hispanic woman. I'm going to go live in Italy. What are your rights as a Hispanic woman in Italy? If anything, I want to go to Switzerland. I want to go for that. Four four day work week is what I want. Give me those 10-hour shifts, if not my weekend. Give me that maternity leave that lasts almost forever in a day. Make me happy, bruh. Oh, I just wiped my nose like I'm not wearing makeup, fuck.
Speaker 1:Anyway, degeneres and Rossi had and DeRossi, how stupid had since acquired a home in the Cotswolds area, a rural community in southwest England that sits 100 miles outside of London. What that makes me think of is the holiday, because that's where fucking Kate Winslet's house was. Anyway, the couple is reportedly preparing to place their Montecito mansion up for sale, which means they're permanently calling it quits on American life. Their new home was reportedly purchased months before the election, with a source sharing that they'd earlier traveled to England to see the property and that DeGeneres had fallen in love with the property in Cotswolds.
Speaker 1:As long as Ellen does, ellen excuse me, ellarin as long as Ellen doesn't say two fucking words to anybody, she'll make it, because then she'll be like oh my God, the UK hates me also. Yeah, because you're an asshole, you're the obnoxious person they invite to dinner and never invite back. You get like one chance to make fucking an impression on somebody. Somebody knows how you feel about them within 10 seconds of you talking. Please do talk to some people in England. Ellen, fucking Portia will be fine because she's Australian. She has some kind of accent. You're an American. We all sound like dicks to them. Okay, we are walking dickheads to them when we go to their country. Nobody likes the American accent Nobody and if they do, it's because they're trying to fuck you. You know what I mean. We have the most annoying accent there is. I know, I do, I know, I do. Let's see.
Speaker 1:She has been on the lookout for a house in the area and often visits her celebrity pals. A Cotswolds house has become a status symbol in the celebrity world and Ellen wanted to join the pack. Degeneres and DeRossi have seemingly settled down in their new neighborhood, as they were spotted visiting Clarkson's Pub in the Cotswolds last week. Their new home bo list neighbors like david and victoria beckham, kate moss, patrick stewart, elizabeth hurley, jeremy clarkson and damian hurst. Okay, I like this, this title of this fucking and this piece of the blog.
Speaker 1:Whatever ellen degeneres said, she was kicked out of show business following the allegations that she was toxic to her staff. Degeneres was seemingly canceled, with her show subsequently airing its last episode on May 26, 2022. Do you see what I mean? She's talking about how everybody hates her. Meanwhile, this shit was happening. I'm telling you, right after COVID.
Speaker 1:This became the thing because someone was probably sick of her shit and reported it to, leaked it to a news media and they ran with it. And good for them, because, also, fuck her, fuck her, she does not need to. She should have just stayed in her lane. She went to be in a talk show and acted and wanted to act like a bitch. Then own up to your shit. Own up to it. Yes, I'm an asshole. I'm a piece of shit. You know how. You know how you have to do that so many times in a relationship. Just be accountable for shit you've done wrong. I do it all the time lately and I'm so sick of it. I'd rather just be how I was in the 20s, which is fuck you, you're wrong and this is why I feel this way, because you provoked me and eat shit and die just like that.
Speaker 1:In that order, she talked about her fall from grace on her stand up Netflix special for your approval, where she joked about getting kicked out of show business for being mean, as well as then becoming the most hated person in America. The hate went on for a long time and I would try to avoid looking at the news. The quote unquote be kind girl wasn't kind. That was the headline. Yeah, you're a dickhead. Noting how she ended her talk show each day by saying be kind to one another. Degenerate, degenerate joke. That it became a problem because people started to think of her as a one dimensional character who gave stuff away and danced up steps. Yeah, pretty much. She then spoke about how she was able to go through the trying phase with the help of her wife and that they're both dancing. Now. I'm making jokes about what happened to me, but it was devastating. It took a long time for me to want to do anything again. Okay, funniest thing.
Speaker 1:The next article that comes up is Meghan Markle won't follow in pal and Ellen DeGeneres footsteps by moving to the UK. But what about Prince Harry? I like this one. This. This is going to be funny, let's see.
Speaker 1:Last week, it emerged that the comedian and the arrested development alum packed up and moved to England following Donald Trump's election when, earlier this month, sources close to the couple, who wed in 08, said that they will likely never return to the US on a permanent basis. However, despite boasting a very close friendship with the former Ellen show host, the Suits alum 43, will not be looking to make a similar move herself for the second time. According to a former palace staffer, megan's too much of an American girl. She doesn't want to be in the UK permanently. I can see her coming over for the holidays and having time over here, but living here permanently I just don't see it. The same theory doesn't apply to Markle's husband. What are they going to do? In fact, the former palace staffer believes the Duke of Sussex will be making that move eventually. I do see it. I think he could be open to returning. As I always keep saying, never say never.
Speaker 1:Post has reached out to Markle's reps for comments, still after being stripped of tax funded private security following their royal exit in 2020. The Sussexes, and Markle in particular, have made a conscious effort to stay out of the UK. Good for her. They don't want to be under the thumb of that bullshit. Out of the thumb of that royalty bullshit.
Speaker 1:Let me see, bruh, what is you know what? I don't have time for that. So then the next thing. So I have to say man, I'm getting so sick of like that. Shit's not news, okay, ellen wanting to leave the country to move someplace else? That's not news. The reason she's moving is fake as fuck. Just say you want to move because you got found out to be a shitty person who, like they said, was one dimensional and just danced up steps. Her poor fucking guy Twitch dying was crazy, killing himself probably from everything he knew about. Ellen, don't you realize a lot of people who commit slewy slide, they like to, they have the most secrets, and you find that shit out after they pass away. And yes, I said slewy slide because I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to say the other word Anyway.
Speaker 1:So my other problem is lately, I've just noticed a lot of things with technology. Let's move ahead. The latest thing that's oh, my god, I wiped my nose again the latest thing that's happened with technology is that you can no longer just pick up shit in store anymore. You either have to go to the store itself or you have to order for delivery. Um, I don't want to do that, apple, I don't want to do that AT&T. What I want to do is be able to place the order on my phone and go pick it up. For example, my Apple watch is dying Okay, more and more each week, I feel.
Speaker 1:So my shit is ready for an upgrade. I have a Series 6. Right now they're on Series 10 and Ultra 2. That's like six models outside of what I had, and I've had this watch for years and I said I was never going to upgrade it until it needed to be upgraded. I think we're at the point where that's it. So I'm at the point where I want to do it, but the way they were wanting me to do it, I don't want to do it, and I say that with absolute love and disgust at the same time. But, at&t, just let me place the order on the phone here and go get it. I don't want to just go in there and be stuck talking to y'all about it. I know which one I want.
Speaker 1:I had the conversation with a representative on Apple. They told me series 10, 46 millimeter. I want the big screen, bruh. Anyway, all I have to do is pay tax on it, and I'm probably going to get it next week, I think, because funds are running a little dry and I have bills to pay. But I just don't get it. And I was talking to my coworker, jamar, about this and he said that T-Mobile used to give you Amazon prime for free and now you have to add it, like put it as an add on and I'm like bruh, it's the same cost of having it on its own. Like that makes no sense. I would rather just have it separate. Like what would be the fucking difference? I have HBO, max, three, tnt, and I'm fine with that, because I feel like they keep raising the price on it and as long as my phone bill stays the same, we Gucci, uh, oh, yeah. So here we go.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about friendships, relationships and all that shit, because Dan wanted to get into it last week. He wanted to get into it last week when I was having a, when he listened to the podcast last Thursday. We were talking about this. He listens to the podcast while I'm sitting in discord with him so that he can make comments or text me about it and I'll be like I have no idea what that is. That's how quickly I forget what I talk about. That's why I always have to write shit down. I never understand what I, what I was talking about, what I want to talk about, what I meant to say, what I didn't say. I don't remember. I don't remember anything. And it's not sad or anything, it's just I don't remember. So the next part of my notes is entitled Dan, fuck you, which he asked for. So check this shit out.
Speaker 1:He took five years away from being my friend or being a part of my life, I guess, because I was too toxic of a person back then. And you see that, ellen, take that as a note. Ellen, you're too toxic a person, I'm too toxic a person, but you know what I do. I live where I live and that's life. You live where you live. So, basically, he took five years away from me, I guess to you know, have a life outside of mine because I was toxic, I was very you're my friend and that's it kind of how dare you try and have a life outside of it? Yes, I'm a bitch, whatever.
Speaker 1:So I did all of that to him and he was like, yeah, well, he kind of ghosted for five years. He didn't give an explanation as to why. He just kind of dipped and I sent him a message. I think I sent him one last message like come on, I think he's been long enough for some crazy shit and uh, supposedly that's begging him to be my friend again as I go cross-eyed reading this shit. He said that he noticed it two years later, like he forgot his password on Facebook or some shit. Could you imagine? I actually write my passwords down because I'm an old lady, so if I ever clear cash and cookies, I have a whole thing of notes of all my passwords for everything For my movie streaming shit, for my movie streaming shit, for my game streaming shit, everything. Everything is up and running. Okay, you're not going to tell me that I don't have my passwords, because even an iPhone has an app called Passwords Now, where everything is. But sometimes, though, that shit fails because it doesn't save it the way it should, because it doesn't save it the way you should, anyway. So we took a five-year hiatus, or he did. He noticed it two years later. He forgot his password, never saw my message, and supposedly I begged him to be my friend, and here we are. I don't even remember what the return message was. I'm pretty sure I can't find it because, since we've been friends, it's been another five years, oh dope. So he told me that his okay.
Speaker 1:So this was the other conversation we were having. We were going to bet on whether or not his daughter would be able to withstand Moana too. They went to go see it this morning. Cause I'm recording on a Wednesday. I'm not recording on Thanksgiving, but I am putting it out on Thanksgiving, um, or maybe I'll just release the same day. Who gives a fuck? Um, nah, I'm gonna release it Thursday. I have to have discipline, discipline, discipline. Um, we were trying to figure out whether or not she'd be able to withstand it. I even Googled some shit as to like decibels of movies and it was kind of cool, the facts. But, um, the decibels are really loud. Um, apparently he just texted me to let me know that she went through like a rock star, which is really cool because now he could take her to other movies. So that's dope for them. I like that. They went to go see moana too. I don't remember if I said it. See what I'm saying, I don't remember shit. Uh, yeah, so they went to go see that movie and, uh, kicked ass, kicked ass is what I heard.
Speaker 1:Uh, saturday, my friend laura from new york came by. We had such a good time. She came, we sat on the couch, um, like we used to, and uh, I was very, uh, very chill. She came over. I think I woke up like an hour before she got here, because she said 12 o'clock, so I thought that she was saying that she was leaving at 12 o'clock, not what time she was actually going to get here, like I think I asked her ma'am what time and she said 12. What does that mean? 12? What Are you getting here at 12? Which was the right was the right question to ask, because, yes, she got here at 12. She hung out with us all day. I loved it. Um, we sat on the couch, we talked, we watched Deadpool versus Wolverine, which she had not watched yet and uh, we had a good time. It was really good.
Speaker 1:Um, the boyfriend was selling his cards in the other room. He kept coming out, cause I guess he misses being in the same room with me, like in the old apartment where I used to kind of just sit next to him, kind of like the couch and his desk and shit were in the same room, so he would kind of just be able to talk to me, even though he knows I can't fucking hear him when I have headphones on, which is so crazy to me. The bucket drums on the fucking, the buckets on the side of my head exclaim please talk to me. Like you know, I listen to shit loud. I have to stop rubbing my face.
Speaker 1:I do plan on streaming today. I think now that Dan has gotten out of the movies, it might be easier. I'm not sure I might play like Bioshock or something. I was going to play something chill. I should really just see if that's even downloaded. If it isn't, I'm going to play the other cozy game, but downloads usually take like five seconds on my computer. But downloads usually take like five seconds on my computer.
Speaker 1:So Laura came over and we hung out on the couch, we watched TV and then we went to go eat. We went to this place called Johnny's Filling Station, which was really good. I had a Cuban which I hadn't had in forever. She had a Philly cheesesteak and Stephen had a black and blue burger. Um so good, curly fries are always, always a hit for me.
Speaker 1:And uh, we ate, we, uh, we got stuck in stupid traffic because you know, florida just likes to change the highways around and shit. So when you think you're going left on a highway to get on the highway, it's actually hey, hey, stay to the right to go east, and we're like what the fuck? Then, of course, we try and figure out what's going on and why there's such an event, and then we're like oh yeah, it's a fucking Saturday, saturday night and Orlando Magic was playing. Bruh, that's what. Shut everything down. A shitty ass basketball team shut everything down on a Saturday. The people trying to get people in parking lots just insane to me. Bruh, just don't ever go downtown on a Saturday night and think you're getting in and out of there quickly around dinner time, because I don't know who gave these guys license to fucking manage traffic during an event. But take it back. Take back the authority that you were given to do this shit. Anyway, that food was good.
Speaker 1:Hanging out with her is always good. She said she's going to revoke my Spanish card because I don't have rice in my house anymore. I'm too busy during the week. I don't want to spend two hours in the kitchen on top of, you know, having to go through traffic and all that shit. The only time I actually make food that's on and popping with crazy amount of effort is on the weekends. Like I don't want to. I don't want to do it. I don't want to be bothered. Bruh, during the week I do my minute rice. I put it in a bowl, I put some kind of protein with it, some seasonings, whatever, and that's it. I'm trying to eat better. Also, I can't be making crazy shit like that anymore. I need to just be chill. I need to be chill.
Speaker 1:In any case, she don't get it. She's like I'm going to revoke your Spanish card. I was like I don't even have a fucking bag of rice in here, like usually. You have like a five pound bag of rice that you just scoop from and just throw it. No, I don't even have that anymore. I do want to get more organized with my shit, though, because I hate pests, and it's been a good two weeks.
Speaker 1:Knock on wood. I heard that knock. That's my desk. Knock on wood that I don't have any more issues. Lord, baby Jesus, stop giving me trauma. I know I can handle it, I just don't want to. I'm in the season of laziness we are. We're about to be in fall, where, you know, seasonal affect disorder is having it and it's coming up. Man, it's coming up. Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:Speaking of, I forgot to take all my medication this morning. That's cool. I'm gonna take it after this, though. That's cool as fuck. Anyway, speaking of medication, um, I've had like the worst headache and it's because of allergies. Okay, so I know that I'm supposed to be taking allergy medication every day because I have a problem. So when I get sinus headaches they're really bad and I fuck man, I keep forgetting shit in the middle of a sentence. I know that I should be taking that shit every day If not gonna have bad days. I have had several bad allergy days. I think my desk is crooked Sorry, I'm looking at the wrong shit. I've had bad allergy days where I just want to put my head down and I cry a little bit because that's how bad the pressure is. Like. Right now I feel it behind my left eye. So I'm headed to headache land and, uh, I have to ask.
Speaker 1:Because I was taking Tylenol before I finally you know, fucking ordered myself meds. I, uh, what you call it I was taking Tylenol and I was thinking to myself I'm like why, why are they making the coating of pills sweet? It's not fucking candy. We all know why we're taking this shit. Like I was taking generic tylenol and it had that red coating on it and it was like sweet and I'm like, can you please not? Um, please, stop giving me sugar pills. Is what it feels like? I'm not eating sugar pills. Stop giving it to me. And anyway, I was tasting it, and that's that's my thought.
Speaker 1:I'm like this shit isn't working. My brain is just thinking it's working like a placebo. Stop it, I want the shit that actually works. I don't want to deal with anything else. Sorry, I need to drink stuff. My throat's getting dry. It's not candy.
Speaker 1:Tylenol is not candy. Tylenol is not candy. Ibuprofen is not candy. Advil is not candy. When I was younger, though, I did think it was candy, because Advil was covered, had like a brown coating to it, and I was like, ooh, m&ms, but for pain, all right, I can deal with it. And then, growing up, you realize that there's the different pills do different things. So Advil doesn't do the same thing as Excedrin or ibuprofen. It can, but you might need a higher dose, which could lead to death in most cases. Isn't that funny? The regular shit that we rely on can kill us if we take too much of it, because the liver and kidneys are just like up too much overdosed. Overdosed on ibuprofen. That period cramps going to have to wait. Bitch, we're taking over your body and killing you. That period cramps gonna have to wait. Bitch, we're taking over your body and killing you. That's what that message is.
Speaker 1:Actually, there was a guy who was putting poison in Excedrin. I'm gonna look that shit up, hold up. This was years ago, though this isn't new, so calm down. Excedrin poisoning here it is, let's see. No, that's not it. Here it is, let's see. Nope, that's not. It Is that it 1988. Well, this is one. So let's see.
Speaker 1:Stella Nickel this was in 1988. Stella Nickel is convicted on two counts of murder by a Seattle Washington jury. She was the first person to be found guilty of violating the Federal Anti-Tampering Act after putting cyanide in excedrin capsules in an effort to kill her husband. That's crazy. And they say that that shit smells like peanuts and not many people are able to smell it. Stella and bruce nickel married in 1976, shortly before seven people were killed in chicago, chicago, illinois. Okay, so this is it chicago, illinois from poison, tylenol pills. According to Stella's daughter from a previous marriage, stella had begun planning Bruce's murder almost from the honeymoon.
Speaker 1:The Chicago Tylenol incident, which was never solved, had a lasting impact on Stella, who decided that cyanide would be a good method of murder. Hold up, I'm going to read that other one too. Actually, let's read that one first 1982. Okay, so this. Read that one first 1982. Okay, so this is eight years.
Speaker 1:Cyanide-laced Tylenol kills first three of seven victims. On September 29, 1982, three Chicago-area residents became ill and die after ingesting extra-strength Tylenol, later found to be poisoned with cyanide. They are the first of seven victims to lose their lives after taking the over-the-counter pain reliever which had been tampered with. Seven victims to lose their lives after taking the over-the-counter pain reliever which had been tampered with. The case would create a national panic over the safety of non-prescription medications and lead to new standards for pill packaging. Okay, so it led to something good. Seventh grader Marianne Kellerman was the first to die after taking the medicine overnight to combat a sore throat.
Speaker 1:After the next victim, adam Janus fuck me. Man with the name didn't wake up, or is it Janus? I don't know, bruh, it's J, with anus attached to it. Sad, don't disrespect the dead, but come on with the name. Didn't wake up from a nap. He ended up in the emergency room in critical condition and later died. After visiting his older brother in the hospital Stanley what's his name? Man Stanley Janus, I'm just going to say went back to Adam's house with his wife Teresa to alleviate their stress-induced headaches. They both took capsules from the open Tylenol bottle that was sitting on the counter. They too were poisoned. Stanley died that day and Teresa the next after lapsing into a coma.
Speaker 1:Other victims included Mary Reiner, who had a headache after giving birth, 31-year-old Mary McFarland and flight attendant Paula Prince. After Prince's death, richard Keyworth and Philip Capitelli firefighters in the Windy City realized that all seven victims had ingested extra-strength Tylenol prior to becoming ill. Further investigation revealed that several bottles of the Tylenol capsules had been poisoned with cyanide. While bottles of extra-strength Tylenol were recalled nationwide, the only contaminated capsules were found in the Chicago area. A possible culprit was identified when investigators discovered letters demanding a million dollars to stop the killings, but a lack of evidence prevented a conviction. The mass murder did, however, lead to new tamper-proof medicine containers. It also led to a string of copycat crimes, as others sought to blackmail companies with alleged poisoning schemes, most of which proved to be false alarms. That's crazy, so that never went solved. So this one, though, is good. We'll go back to the Stella one.
Speaker 1:In 1985, stella took out a life insurance policy on Bruce that included a substantial indemnity payment for accidental death. A year later, stella put cyanide in an Excedrin capsule that Bruce later took for a headache. He died in the hospital, but doctors did not detect the cyanide and ascribe the death to emphysema. Stella, who stood to lose a hundred thousand if his death wasn't ruled an accident, decided to alter her plan. Wow, bruh, she tampered with five additional bottles of Excedrin and placed them on store shelves in the Seattle area. Six days later, susan Snow took one of these capsules and died. Instantly After her death was reported in the news, stella called the police to tell them that she thought her husband had also been poisoned. Wow, bro, that's crazy. When investigators came to Nichols' home to pick up the Excedrin bottle, she told them that there were two bottles and that she had purchased them on different days at different places. When both turned out to contain contaminated capsules, investigators grew suspicious.
Speaker 1:No-transcript, that's crazy as fuck. Could you imagine? Oh, it wasn't ruled an accidental death. Actually, I'm going to bookmark the History Channel. We, we're gonna do some shit. We're gonna incorporate that shit, the Unbelievable with Dan Aykroyd. You know I'm a bookmark that site, though I'm gonna need some shit to talk about. And that was crazy. Could you imagine, hey, so it doesn't look like it's gonna be an accidental death, so you absolutely get nothing. And she goes. But wait a second, gonna be an accidental death. So you absolutely get nothing and she goes. But wait a second, that other person got poisoned too. Could you imagine?
Speaker 1:Oh my god, why would you call the police and say that shit, just let them investigate it on their own, you greedy bitch. Also, 100k is like nothing now, but 100k might have been like a million back in fucking 1985? I don't remember, my memory's failing me. Thank you so much for these jeans. So, oh man, there was something else that I was talking about with Dan that I forgot. Anyway, that's crazy. Why would you poison your husband like that, you stupid bitch? If you don't want to marry him, don't marry him. This is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Like, there's certain things in relationships, like, if you know, how long does it take you to realize that you don't want to be with someone? Like it took her how many years? Three, eight, I don't remember the year. Now, damn it, hold up. I'm looking. I'm looking because that's fucked up. My memory is fucked up.
Speaker 1:No bitch, go back 1988. Okay, so she was with this guy. What? How many years? Oh my God, she was with him 12 years. Oh, you stupid ass. So it took her 12 years to decide she wanted to kill him. That's insane, bro.
Speaker 1:You should know right off the bat whether or not you want to date somebody and just get divorced. Just get divorced Because as much as you could have probably gotten away with that back in that time, you're not doing it now Only because technology exists. Like, just get divorced, do what normal people do and just part ways amicably or not amicably and get your money. Get your money, sis. Stop murdering people who get money. It doesn't work that way. What do you think you're in a movie? You're not slick enough for that, especially because you didn't think about, you know, tampering with other shit first. Do that first and wear gloves.
Speaker 1:They were fingerprinting back then. The only thing they weren't doing was probably DNA, or were they? No, they might have started doing DNA, like later on, or maybe they just you know, I mean, who cares? I'm getting caught up in fucking details, anyway. So, going back to what I said last time about abbreviations, I figured out what I see. Why am? I means and I can't believe I'm 35 and just figuring that out I was looking at something at work yesterday on my laptop and I was looking at something that they posted in one of the chats.
Speaker 1:It's really informational. It lets us know about updates and stuff. And, um, yeah, I know, my fucking box was delivered. You scared the shit out of me when you dropped it. Sorry, my hello, fresh boxes here. Um, so I was looking at something in my work. Chat, it said I see him, I see why am I? And then had a title to it and I was like, oh, okay. Chat, it said, I see why am I. And then it had a title to it and I was like, oh, okay, cool. So let me see if I can figure this out, because we've been trying to figure out these abbreviations forever. So I looked and I was like, oh, okay, that's what that fucking means. It's.
Speaker 1:In case you missed it. In case you missed it, in case you missed it, I've never been more annoyed in my life at an abbreviation Like what happened to FYI? Why are we doing this with so many letters? What's going on? Hey, fyi, da-da-da-da-da-da-da, put the agenda underneath it. We got. In case you missed it, I see, why am I, this is what we talked about and it's just annoying. I'm like, okay, bitch, what did I miss? And then it's like some unimportant shit that I did not miss, like yesterday, love my job, excuse me, had to put Japsicle on. Love my job.
Speaker 1:But let me tell you something I'm still in training. I'm still not even sure what I'm going to be doing once I get to reporting, like once I get into the role, like I'm in the role now, but what I'm saying is in a more official capacity rather than just sitting here like a blob on a log and I just uh, I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing and right now nobody has any idea. I'm given a lot of self study stuff and I'm just I'm watching and rewatching and attending calls. If they assign me something to do on my agenda, I'm in there like swimwear. I'm attending everything they tell me to. But I sat in on something yesterday that was like an hour and a half. But I sat in on something yesterday that was like an hour and a half.
Speaker 1:And you know I want to be active, I want to show enthusiasm and stuff, but I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what I'm talking about and uh, it's just crazy Cause I'm like they have me sitting in on this and while I love being welcomed warmly to a team, I don't know what any of this means. I don't know what any of this is and you're just making me more confused, which, again, I'm okay with. It's fine, I'll figure it out later on. I'm sure later on, whatever they showed me yesterday is going to be like ah, when I get to that, like ah, okay. Like yeah, okay, that makes sense, I'll apply that here. But I don't get it Like. I'm not trying to let me tell you something. I'm not trying to bad mouth or, you know, downplay anything.
Speaker 1:Again, really excited to be in my new role. I've been in it for like tomorrow makes date-wise, makes a month. This past Monday makes four weeks, I believe, or next Monday, I don't remember. I makes four weeks, I believe, or next Monday, I don't remember. I can't believe we're going to be in December next week. Anybody else confused by this calendar? I'm confused by the fact that we're already ending 2024. Does anybody else not like, even like, odd number years either? I feel like 2025 is going to be so odd, but I am going to be an even year to age 36, which is so fucking frightening.
Speaker 1:I don't like this idea of getting old anymore. When I was younger, you know how. When you're younger. You want to be older. I'm just not feeling it. I think I'm just scared to be older because I feel like I should be more responsible and I'm not where I think I should be, which is obviously negative thinking, and I've said this before. But I can't help but stop and wonder if I just pursued things earlier or actually went for stuff that I wanted to go for, would my life be different? And I'm kind of okay with that answer being yes, but I'm kind of okay with my life where it is. It's just career wise and degree wise. I would like to be using my degree, and it's just really hard to do that. I don't really support people going to college unless they know what they actually want to do, and it's a field that they can actually get into.
Speaker 1:My sister is going for um. She's doing like coding and shit, and I think she's going to be really good at that, because I think she's more, she's less. She doesn't like people. If I'm I'm just going to say it like that plainly she doesn't like people, but what she does on her own, she's very talented in schoolwork, so her being like a data analyst or anything like that, she's going to be really good at it. She might not be great with the people portion of it, which is, you know, you can't be good at everything. She's going to be good at that, and I'm really proud of her. My sister I don't know what Beats is doing. I don't know what Beats is doing. I know what Dee is doing. Beats, I have no idea. I talk to her every so often but, bro, I don't care.
Speaker 1:The fucking HelloFresh texted me again like hey, how would you approve your order? How would you rate your order? Bitch, my food's here. I rated it five. It got here. It got to the right door. You guys are great. I don't know about the $60 a month, though. I mean $60 a week. I think I have to skip this week, though, because it's too much food now and I have food in the freezer I need to make, so I might skip this this coming week. Um, it's really good, though.
Speaker 1:We had uh, I'm I'm changing lanes cause I don't care about that school stuff anymore. I am, uh I'm very impressed with their menu. I didn't think that it was going to be good because of the seasoning, like the least. I feel like I might be over-seasoning my shit at this point. It's making me observant of things. But we had some panko crusted, spicy Buffalo chicken thing. Oh my God, bruh Almost died of deliciousness, cause of death. Deliciousness, that's what it's going to be. I'm like, oh my Lord, this was so good. And then, of course, the boyfriend eats it up Like someone's going to steal it from him. Obviously, I give him the bigger cutlet, but it was just so. The way they have you do shit is very simple, very easy, and in half an hour you're eating food and I'm like, bro, my shit feels like it takes too long, bro.
Speaker 1:So, the Buffalo chicken thing actually I cooked last Friday and I worked out Friday, which is weird for me because I am the laziest piece of garbage there is on Fridays. So Friday I cooked and it was like a um, creamy, um, like creamy beef and beef cavatappi thing. It was good. Um, creamy, cheesy beef cavatappi. It was like ground beef cavatappi thing. It was good. Creamy cheesy beef cavatappi, it was like ground beef cavatappi and like Parmesan everywhere. It was so good, it was really good. This was good. The chicken was better, the chicken was really good. I cooked.
Speaker 1:What did I cook on a Monday, today's Wednesday? Yeah, monday, sorry, I had to think about it in my head. Monday I cooked that chicken thing and it was so good. And I think I've gotten to the point where I'm such a cleaner that I'm cleaning while I cook so that towards the end of it I don't have anything left in my fucking sink. So that makes me happy about that.
Speaker 1:And that chicken was so good and I just got my box that came this week. Let's see what we got this week for this box. I'm going to look at my app real quick. I am going to skip next week for sure. The week after I can definitely do because I get paid. So let's see Delivered.
Speaker 1:So I got Mushu Pork Bowls. I got Tortilla Melts, so one pan cheesy beef tortilla melts and then I got the marry me chicken penne. So that's going to be good. Um, yeah, I don't think. Yeah, I'm not going to have that. I'm going to have to skip that week or I'm going to have to push it.
Speaker 1:Uh, edit, delivery the wow, the crispy chicken, cayenne chicken cutlets they're giving it to me again, bro. So good, firecracker meatballs and pork sausage. Rigatoni Rosa. Ooh, creamy lemon butter chicken with couscous. What's up? Sorry, this menu gets me so fucked up. It's going to be so good they got me for some reason I don't know why, but they actually their menu's gotten a lot better. Not that it was bad before, it's just I actually have someone who wants to eat this food with me. It's saving us money on buying shit. We don't need to buy food as much because we order takeout a lot because I get lazy and sometimes I don't want to cook.
Speaker 1:Bruh, I don't know what it is, but, like you know, that job was taking it out of me up until now. Now I feel good, now I feel prepared. I feel uh, prepared is the right word, prepared is the right word. I feel prepared and I feel like I have more time mentally to do things. You know I'm I'm more available mentally to take on other shit after work.
Speaker 1:When I was in upmarket, um, all I did not only complain on here but rant on here, which maybe made some of you guys laugh. Maybe you guys were sick of it. Always had a new story, though it was never the same shit, maybe the same people involved. But now I can talk about shit I want to talk about because I don't have to use my brain as much. Ok, and I'm trying to. Like I said, I'm trying to get back into being consistent and so far, so good.
Speaker 1:Every time I see something, I take notes because I know you guys want to hear about it or maybe don't Up to you, but I'm really glad to be able to share this time with you guys. It makes me feel a lot better. It's like a virtual journal for me, because sometimes writing can cramp a bitch's hand up. Okay, and I don't really want to be writing in a journal anymore because I've had bad experiences with people going through my shit. And if I want people to know shit, here you go, you can have this, you can listen to this, that's it. Just listen to this thing and it tells you all you need to know about my day, how I felt about it, who was involved, et cetera, et cetera, and that's it. Damn, my phone screen turned off on me. Let me chew in. Look at me in a minute. Hold on, stop Not using my face, okay.
Speaker 1:So Thanksgiving traditions we're going to try and round this out. I hope you guys have some good ones. We are breaking tradition this year by going to a restaurant. My mom's had enough of cooking. I've never been to a restaurant on Thanksgiving. I don't believe or don't recall Maybe as a baby I might have, but anything involving my memory, however old I am three and up, whatever that is, if that is it I don't recall ever having gone to a restaurant, I've gone to somebody's house or I've been home.
Speaker 1:So the year before I left uh, the Thanksgiving before I left to Florida, I spent it with my girl, alicia, at her house. I was dating the worst kind of person there was at the time Uh, really toxic, narcissistic Gemini. I guess we're all like that at some point, but he was the worst. He used to blame everything on me, which is why I left. So more of the story is don't date someone like that. So I had told him like, hey, alicia is going to cook, why don't we go over there? So we spare the kitchen and any cleanup and whatever, because I know how that's going to go. We're going to invite people over to your house, it's going to be a thing, and the people left cleaning are going to be you and I. So he didn't want to go. So I said all right, so I'm going to go. Um, his friends came over. I know it's not ideal to not spend Thanksgiving with your significant other, but it was very stressed at that point. It was very our relationship was very strained. So I was just going to do what I was going to do, regardless, because I don't want to clean.
Speaker 1:On fucking Thanksgiving, the Thanksgiving before that, I think, I spent it with my uncle. Yes, so I spent the Thanksgiving before that with my aunt and uncle and my grandmother at her apartment in Bay Ridge. I drove over there. I was spending the weekend with my aunt and uncle after that. So that was the plan that was already established before he and I started dating that I was going to spend Thanksgiving with them and I was spending Christmas with my family, who'd already been in Florida. So my Thanksgiving and my Christmas were already planned. My New Year's I spent with the boyfriend at the time.
Speaker 1:So the following Thanksgiving, which is Thanksgiving before I left, I spent it with Alicia, which was Alicia and her daughters, which was way more fun. We talked a lot of shit, we had a lot of fun, we drank a little bit and I just didn't want to go home. I came home and there were still some people. Mind you, I was living with him because we were supposed to move to Florida and he changed his mind and I got fucking stuck because COVID. So I gave up my nice studio apartment to move into this house. That seemed like a frat house because it was his stepmother's house and he had a roommate, okay, so I was confined to a bedroom for most of COVID, and that's not me. I need my space, I need a kitchen, I need a space to the bathroom. I need to not be tiptoeing around people. I need my space, which I now have. I uh. I came home.
Speaker 1:His straggler friends were still around. Um, I was like, hey, how's it going? Then, of course, you know, I went upstairs to relax and he left everything a fucking mess that night. And then the next day I woke up and he's like banging around, all pissed off and shit, and I'm playing video games because I told his ass to just come with me so we didn't have to be cleaning up. So he got pissed off and he was like is anyone going to fucking help me clean? And I was like you know what? I'm not going to help you clean, because I told you about this and you said, no, it would be fine. Why didn't you have your fucking friends help you clean up? You just let them leave without helping you. So this is you, this is all you. If I planned something and you told me not to do it and that we had plans to do something else to make our lives easier, I would have listened to you, because I know you're not going to help me clean up because this was my idea. So why am I going to go out of my way to help you when I gave you a suggestion that could have prevented all of this? We even could have had your stupid busty ass friends dusty ass friends, excuse me, busty friends. He has one busty friend. She had big cats your dusty friends over to my friend's house and we could have just chilled there. It was always a problem, but anyway.
Speaker 1:So my Thanksgiving was spent with Alicia, and on my Christmas I spent with my family down in fucking Florida. So I never spent a Christmas or Thanksgiving with him, because thankfully, that's what I'm thankful for Not having negative energy like that around me. On Thanksgiving and the year before that, I made Thanksgiving lunch, which was shrimp and pasta. So for Thanksgiving, before I drove to my grandmother's, I cooked people food early in the day so that we could at least have lunch together, and then I took a two and a half hour drive well, two hour drive to my grandmother's in Brooklyn, where I then spent dinner with them. So not only did I try and do a good thing, but he worked at Best Buy at the time, so that meant he was going into work later. So what was I supposed to do? Spend Thanksgiving all day with him and then just be left alone at night to do nothing? No, I'm going to spend it with my family that I made this plan with earlier that year, before we even started dating. How about that? How about that? So, in any case, we're breaking tradition this year and we're going to a restaurant.
Speaker 1:I was talking to my former manager yesterday about this and I said I've never been to a restaurant on Thanksgiving and I hope it goes well. Um, I don't even know what their menu is going to look like, or how it's catered to Thanksgiving, or if it's just going to be steak, steak hits, steak hits every time. Um, brandon's like Brandon's, my manager. He was like you have to let me know how that goes. Um, that homie is off today too. I took off today and Friday I did this. I don't even know when. To be honest with you, I really do not know, but I was looking at it and I was like when did I request off for this? Because I was just looking around in Genesis because I didn't know how to request time off for this position. It's new to me, but they actually use the fucking time off function in our, in our app, which I'm like, wow, make my life so easy. But yeah, so everything's a lot easier. Everything's going a lot more smoothly. I'm hoping everything is great going into 2025. We'll have more time between now and then. It's going to be weekly episodes again 2025. We'll have more time between now and then. It's going to be weekly episodes again, like it has been.
Speaker 1:Thankfully, I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful to get back into my routines. I'm thankful to have clearer frame of mind. I'm thankful for my friends, my people who listen, thankful for anybody who's listening. These days it's less and less. Tell your friends about this, shit, shit. Okay, let's move this along. Um, I'm getting ready to stream on twitch soon, if you feel like it. Um, my links should be in the fucking episode bios. I have to start including those again because for some reason, it's not there. So, um, going live soon.
Speaker 1:Uh, hope to see you guys. I hope, hope you guys get a nice mouth of turkey or pork, or like pernil as they say. White people say it. I say pernil or ham, whatever you guys fucking hang around with, don't know. Tofurky people can go eat shit. I'm not doing turkey in the shape of tofu, like I'm not doing tofu in the shape of a turkey, excuse me, fuck tofurkey, fuck, um. What was the chicken inside of a turkey? Stop stuffing turkeys with other other poultry. It's unnecessary. You're like assaulting a turkey with another fucking dead animal. Okay, stop, just have the turkey gluttons. Probably doesn't even taste good either. Oh, anyone who's eating chicken for Thanksgiving, good for you. Save the turkeys, whatever. No tofurkey, though. You can, like I said, fucking go play in traffic. Anyways, don't actually go play in traffic, but just fuck off, okay, all right. Well, I love you guys.
Speaker 1:This has been amazing Thankful for you guys, and has been amazing, uh, thankful for you guys, and I hope you have a wonderful holiday. I will let you know how that goes. I might have a little special in between. Uh, this episode and the next, I'm going to see if I can record each of my family members saying what they're thankful for. Hopefully my grandmother doesn't say anything crazy, but, um, yeah, I think it should be good. So I'm just going to have people pass around the microphone and say what they're thankful for. We're going to do it at home, though, so that there isn't any noise, and I'll be able to post it, I think, either tomorrow or I'll post it Friday, and then, you know, you guys can compare notes Should be a good time. Love you guys. Thank you so much for listening and, again, enjoy your upcoming holiday. I hope it's a blast. Enjoy the weather. Enjoy the weather, enjoy fall. Go play outside in some leaves. Thank you guys for listening. Y'all are great. Outro Music.
