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Coco Off the Grid
Let's go off the grid and get silly with today's headlines, work dramas and the unexplainable actions of others.
Close your blinds, shut off your lights and put your phones on airplane mode because it's time to join me for another episode of "Coco Off the Grid."
Coco Off the Grid
Crystal Palace
The episode delves into the escalating feud between Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively, exploring themes of celebrity culture, harassment allegations, and public perception. It raises critical questions about the influence of media narratives, legal disputes, and the importance of fostering a respectful working environment in Hollywood.
• Discussion on the impact of celebrity feuds
• Overview of Lively's sexual harassment allegations against Baldoni
• Examination of Baldoni's counterclaims and legal strategy
• The role of social media in amplifying celebrity drama
• Commentary on Army Hammer's perspective regarding public fascination with scandals
• Insights into how celebrity controversies might prompt changes in industry standards
• Reflection on the entertaining aspect of celebrity relationships and social media exchanges
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what's up my people? Another week of fun, another week of festivities. Hope everyone had a good New Year's Eve. New Year's Day. I know I already addressed this with you guys. This is ridiculous, though I can't remember, I can't speak words properly. It's fantastic.
Speaker 1:I'm really getting sick of seeing this whole Justin Baldoni versus Blake Lively shit Like. Who the fuck is still worried about this shit? Here's my problem with it. My problem with it is that celebrities like are in the mood to take each other down. I feel like, like Megan Fox called Michael Bay a fucking Nazi, she got thrown off Transformers. Now Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively are going back and forth, which also roped in fucking Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds because they were in a movie together. It's so fucking crazy. Like you know, celebrities are just trying to take each other out, and what's funnier is that none of them showed up to fucking the Golden Globes, and I think Deadpool versus Deadpool and Wolverine was fucking nominated. Maybe I don't. None of them showed up to fucking the golden globes and I think deadpool versus deadpool and wolverine was fucking nominated. Maybe I don't remember, but come on, enough's. Enough like this is the entertainment you're providing to us. Just do another fucking movie where you both look like assholes and just be chill. Now they're saying some other crazy shit like his. His company, I said I think, posted something about how Blake Lively forced him to be like locked away or some shit, which I think is stupid as fuck. Stupid as fuck. Let's see.
Speaker 1:Justin Baldoni's lawyer vows to release evidence of Blake Lively's pattern of bullying. We have the receipts. Can we do something else with our time? Can we do something else with our time? Can we do something else with our time? I feel like there's so many other things we could do, so let's, let's read this, let's waste some more time and focus on this shit.
Speaker 1:Justin Baldoni's lawyer is doubling down on his legal battle with Blake Lively. Is accusing Justin Baldoni of weaponizing the media when he claims her own team orchestrated this vicious attack by sending the New York Times grossly edited documents prior to even filing the complaint, releasing all of the evidence which will show a pattern of bullying and threats to take over the movie. Friedman adds, alleging none of this will come as a surprise because, consistent with her past behavior, blake Lively used other people to communicate those threats and bully her way to get whatever she wanted. We've all the receipts and more. Friedman's statement comes as Lively, who starred alongside Baldoni in it Ends With Us, filed a lawsuit against the star and others, including Baldoni's producing partners and publicists, alleging sexual harassment and a retaliatory smear campaign to tarnish her reputation.
Speaker 1:On Monday, january 6th, lively's legal team told people that her serious claims of sexual harassment and retaliation, first lodged in California complaint on December 20th, are backed by concrete facts. This is not a feud arising from creative differences or a he-said-she-said-out situation. Her lawyer's statement read as alleged in Ms Lively's complaint and as we will prove in litigation, wayfarer Studios and its associates engaged in unlawful retaliatory astroturfing against Ms Lively for simply trying to protect herself and others on a film set, and their response to the lawsuit has been to launch more attacks against Ms Lively since her filing. Hold on one second here. I love how long it takes my computer to just fucking be chill and my manager's just not looking at my message. It's hilarious. Let's see. The attorney's statements continued. Sexual harassment and retaliation are illegal in every workplace and in every industry. A classic tactic to distract from allegations of this type of misconduct is to blame the victim by suggesting that they invited the conduct, brought it on themselves, misunderstood the intentions or even lied they wrote. Another classic tactic is to reverse the victim and offender and suggest that the offender is actually the victim. These concepts normalize and trivialize allegations of serious misconduct. Most importantly, media statements are not a defense to Ms Lively's legal claims. We will continue to prosecute her claims in federal court, where the rule of law determines who prevails, not hyperbole and threats threats.
Speaker 1:In her initial filing, lively claimed Baldoni, who directed, produced and starred in it Ends With Us, exhibited disturbing and unprofessional behavior that led to a hostile work environment. The actress's complaint includes accusations that Baldoni and another producer entered her trailer uninvited while she was undressed or vulnerable. Alleges Baldoni suddenly pressured her to simulate full nudity in a birth scene and improvised physical intimacy that had not been rehearsed, choreographed or discussed with Miss Lively with no intimacy coordinator. On December 31st, baldoni also filed a $250 million lawsuit against the New York Times over the newspaper's December 21st article about Lively's complaint, alleging it was the actors who engaged in a calculated smear campaign. In a previous statement to People, friedman alleged that Lively's complaint was filed to fix her negative reputation. The attorney has also called her claims false, outrageous and intentionally salacious.
Speaker 1:I don't like her as an actress. I never have. She might have been cool in Gossip Girl, but I didn't want to watch that show. Never have. I've never wanted to see anything she's ever been in. I've never heard anyone say, oh my God, did you see that new Blake Lively thing, have you guys? Has anyone ever seen? Like, maybe, like what was it? A small one, small favor was probably good because Anna Kendrick was in it, or what was it A perfect crime or something like that? Some show where she was a spy or something and was working alongside or fucking around with Anna Kendrick or something. I forgot what the name of the movie is, but that I want to see because of Anna Kendrick, not because of Blake Lively.
Speaker 1:Nobody I know has ever said that this woman is an exquisite actress. I don't know. I mean, maybe she's funny or maybe Ryan Reynolds carries the funny for both of them who fucking knows? But this shit is getting so stupid, especially dragging in Hugh Jackman who has his own fucking problems and we'll get to that. But what I want to talk about also is how are we back to army hammer dude, he's not bad looking, he just looks like he looks crazy. This picture I'm looking at of him his eyes are fucking I'm. I've killed someone eyes. This is a good one. So entertainment weekly put out an article and I got an email for it, saying army hammer likens scandal to kink, shaming, talks, deluge of bad press and living in a tiny ass apartment. Yeah, bro, when you have $0, you have to live in a tiny apartment.
Speaker 1:Hammer thinks people welcome the salacious story of his abuse allegations because they were deeply unhappy with their own lives. This is going to be phenomenal. Already, armie Hammer is opening up about his life since leaving Hollywood in 2021 during the COVID pandemic. He had no choice. He was forced out, you cannibal. The world seemed like it was falling apart and people were just deeply unhappy with their own lives.
Speaker 1:Hammer speculated on a recent episode of Christina Pazitsky and Tom Segura's your Mom's House podcast. I love Christina P. She's fucking hilarious. If you ever get a chance to see one of her specials, please do it. I can't recommend it enough. And then this salacious story comes around, where this actor wants to murder and eat people and all of a sudden, everyone's like oh, this is so much more fun to focus on the fact that I can't leave my living room. No, bruh, it's because so many women said you were a fucking freak. It's not about COVID, don't deflect. The first salacious story about Hammer came in January 2021. First of all, they put salacious story in quotes because they're like we don't give a fuck about army Hammer when he quit social media in the wake of several disturbing sexual assault allegations made against him, hammer was accused of rape and other acts of violence.
Speaker 1:Two months later by ex Effie Angelova, whom he dated on and off for four years. Further allegations and lawsuits followed, prompting Hammer to quit Hollywood and sell timeshares on the Cayman Islands for a brief stint. In May 2023, the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office announced that it would not file sexual assault charges against the actor, citing insufficient evidence and the complexity of the relationship between the actor and his accuser. What the fuck does that mean? What does it mean? What's too complex between them? They were fucking. He wanted to actually eat her, like in fucking American Psycho, and that's it. What's complex about that? Anyway, among the allegations made against Hammer were those that claim the call me by your name actor harbors erotic, cannibalistic fantasies.
Speaker 1:Discussing his sexuality, hammer explained to Segura and Pazitsky that he enjoys tying his partner up during intimate play. I like the idea that you are so completely mine. Yeah, I can do whatever I want and you love it because you know you're mine. This guy's trying to turn me on this possession kind of thing. He continued. That's just fun to talk about. And, by the way, especially if you're drunk or stoned or high at night and you're texting while you're saying it, you're chuckling to yourself like I'm going to fucking cut your toe off and keep it in my pocket so I got a piece of you everywhere I go. That's crazy. You can't say that. You can't be okay, that's how you get in trouble. Stupid, that's how you get in trouble.
Speaker 1:Hammer feels that he has been singled out for condemnation for his sexual proclivities. I love that word. If anyone took anyone's bedroom conversation, specifically if people were having a little bit of sexy time, he said, and they took the shit that they said, even if it was completely vanilla and you read that somewhere else out of context, everyone's going to go. You guys are fucking disgusting. The volume of texts and private message threads that was published with the allegations made against Hammer exposed intimate thoughts and moments and experience. Hammer likens to being left standing there naked in front of the world with all your proclivities or kinks being judged by the world, now living in a self-described tiny ass apartment.
Speaker 1:Hammer went on to psychoanalyze his sex drive. People were my bags of dope with skin on it. You sound like a murderer. Nothing he said so far makes him sound good. He's trying to seduce us with the idea that he wants to keep a piece of us with him by quote-unquote metaphorically cutting off a piece of their toe what the hell? Or cutting off the toe excuse. Cutting off a piece of their toe what the hell? Or cutting off the toe, excuse me, not a piece of Bags of skin, oh my God. Speculate Hammer went on to psychoanalyze his sex drive. Speculate why the women he was involved with may not hold him in high esteem. I will scoop these girls up, take them on a whirlwind month and a half, then I'm going to bounce and go do it with someone else and ponder the legacy of his actions on his own family. I also am well aware that my daughter and son are going to get to a certain point where they go do therapy and then go. I hate my dad too. Hammer briefly broke his Hollywood hiatus with a music video appearance in December that made light of the cannibalism allegations, and he will return to the big screen with Liam H Macy starring Western Frontier Crucible, okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, by the way, the first comment on this article for Entertainment Weekly is from someone named Cats Babe. It says Does anyone remember from a long time ago when Prince Charles now King told Camilla he wanted to be her tampon? No, no, does anyone else? No, does anyone else who would say that? Did anyone else remember that? I've never heard that before. Also, I don't live in the UK, so I don't know what news they think is okay to tell us about them.
Speaker 1:Let's see. Someone else said anybody, see the documentary about him. Man was born into wealth and privilege. His whole family is interesting. Not in a good way either. His documentary was just as disturbing as Kevin Spacey's documentary. Sometimes money just magnifies one's problems, which he's said. Girl, if you watch the documentary, he said that that's, he was born into that shit and that's why he did it. That's why he acted. A fool, let's see, let's see, let's see. So shifts blame to others. Even his explanations are creepy as hell. Girl, get a life. I don't care much for this guy at all.
Speaker 1:After reading this about himself, I think that he's the one that needs therapy. Doesn't sound like he's changed any after narrowly avoiding criminal charges. See, this is what I hate about humans. Okay, he's trying to. He's not saying that he needs to change. He's saying that people's sexuality, people like to hide their sexuality. There are people like him who get exposed and then are freaks because they wear their freak on their sleeve, whatever. And then there's people that not me, because I'll tell you what the fuck's up who like to pretend that they're prudish, but I'm sure if you went through their phone, it's the same exact thing. It's the same exact thing. You guys are saying some wild shit to each other. People have sent nudes to each other.
Speaker 1:The fucking, what shit did I watch the fucking lady who liked to stick things in her butt on video, that documentary against that asshole who was doing revenge porn. I forgot his name because he's a piece of shit and not worth remembering. He got like almost no time for that. I think he got like two years, which I think is insane. You posted people's shit without their consent and then tried to dox them with their address and shit. That's hilarious. Cannibal Ken that was his name in the music video. That's. That's outrageously funny. I don't know who comes up with this shit. But let me tell you something. Let him just come back. It's the same thing that happened with fucking Chris D'Elia. Okay, chris D'Elia has come back and is way better than he ever was, because he has no fear of Hollywood anymore, because he's been canceled.
Speaker 1:People like, people who have to like. There's this whole mindset that you have to follow the mores of fucking society these days, and it's not that if people want to actually be free and be themselves, they have to be able to be who they are. If this is who he is, let him be who he is Little freak with crazy killer eyes. He's cool, though he's cool. He gets to next to me on the train. To hell he can sit by me. I don't even know if we're in the same age range. Isn't that weird? Like there's celebrities that just come out now and they're like oh hey, that person's 38. Jesus Christ, I'm 35. What do you mean? Just like fucking Jon Hamm. I think he first got big when he was 40, which is insane because he's incredibly talented. But they have to stop obsessing over the size of his dick and like gray sweatpants. Like that has to stop. And anyway, I love how one note auto-corrected Hugh Jackman's last name Fuck that cough hurt. Um, so Hugh Jackman is.
Speaker 1:This is what I wanted to circle back to from the Blake Lively shit. Hugh Jackman did not show up for the Golden Globes alongside Ryan Reynolds or Blake Lively because of the stupid shit that's going down, which not for nothing, I'd have went. Fuck all that shit. And this goes back to what I'm saying Like, if you're going to be, if you're going to do this shit and you're going to act like you're in the right, show up to things. Show up to things. Why are we hiding Like you're a celebrity? This is your thing. Why are we not going like that? I hope that was the fucking argument over that.
Speaker 1:And also I find another relationship that's weird, which is Ava Mendez and Ryan Gosling. The whole thing behind their relationship has me so weirded out. Not that she made great movies anyway, but like part of their agreement to having kids was that she would give up her career to stay home. And I don't even know like they might be secretly married, but they weren't before they went into this shit. So I'm like what do you mean? I have to give up my career? I'm not that I'm doing great movies Like she was in some.
Speaker 1:She was in hitch. That was like one of the better things I saw her and sorry for the squeaking is the chair, I'm trying to get comfortable, um, but like she, she was an okay actress. There's nothing wrong with anything she does, it's just they don't. This is what this is. My comparison with her and megan fox is that they give these actors and actresses such mediocre shit, like I saw subservience. That has to be the best thing I've ever seen. With Megan Fox in it. She played the part so good that I hope they make a second one. I hope they make a second one because that shit is going to be just as good as the first one, if not better. So I need to see that. So, anyway, hugh Jackman back to him. So I need to see that. So, anyway, hugh Jackman back to him.
Speaker 1:So Hugh Jackman is now out and about with Sutton Foster, which I think American actress and visual artist who's won two awards for best, two Tony Awards for best actress in a musical. So how long have they been friends? Because the whole thing was that he was supposedly cheating on his wife or getting too overly friendly with this chick. Holy hell. He's known her kind of since 2002, 2008, 2014, 2017, 2019. So 2019, he took the lead as Harold Hill in the Music man Shared that Sutton Foster would be joining the cast by sharing a throwback of them at the 2014 Tonys. 2020, the X-Men star and the Bunhead celeb had their first workshop for the music man in 2020. 2021 he is smiling like if he, if he unclenched his face, it was going to break into a million pieces. Like that's how hard he is smiling. In 2022, the music man hosted its opening night and jackman and foster posted for pictures together. Let's see while foster and jackman and Foster posted for pictures together. Let's see While Foster and Jackman have admitted they were immediately initially intimidated to work together.
Speaker 1:She noted they ended up forming a friendship. He has an impeccable reputation of being the hardest working man, incredibly kind and generous and all of that is true. Calm down, slut. He disarms everyone, he doesn't make anything about him and he's now become one of my best friends with benefits. No, I'm kidding, oh shit. Uncle hugh is now daddy hugh, hold up. Music man's final curtain call was in january, but it wasn't the only thing to come to an end.
Speaker 1:In september of that that Jackman and his wife of 27 years, deborah Lee Furness, announced their split. We've been blessed to share almost three decades together as husband and wife in a wonderful, loving marriage. Our journey now is shifting and we have decided to separate to pursue our individual growth. She's old, she is old. She's like 20 years his senior. She is old, she's like 20 years, his senior. Let's see. Still, they appear to remain on good terms, with his rep confirming to page six. The two celebrated Jackman's 55th birthday at Polo Bar in New York. He's 55. I think she's like 20 years older than him. Hold up In 2024, in October, so 10 months after he. Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. January 2023. She fucking Okay. January 2023, october 2024. Foster filed for divorce from her husband of 10 years. That's insane. Yo get this ad out of my face.
Speaker 1:After sparking dating rumors, jackman and foster appeared to confirm their romance by stepping out hand in hand. The sighting came two days after jackman was seen attending foster's performance of once upon a mattress in la listen, listen, okay, let people be happy. I feel like people magazine and all this shit that focus on celebrities is like Facebook announcements for regular people Because, honestly, we don't care about each other. We care about what's going on in their lives. To distract from what we have going on. And if that man wants to date a younger woman, good for him. Good for him. He lasted with old vagina for a very long time and he decided, hey, this, uh, this, the younger vagina that I danced next to all the time might suit me better. Whatever, good for him.
Speaker 1:I've just learned that all celebrities are sluts and ill-tempered. And what's going on with Ariana Grande? She looks like what the original Ariana Grande ate and then threw up. I can see her bones. I feel like I could see her fucking heart through her body. She's so pale and so skinny and I really don't know what the fucking thing is with that. But fix it bitch, fix it bitch. So I think I talked about this last time.
Speaker 1:But it seems as though when I rewatch shows, I've noticed things about the shows and the characters and such where I'm like why, why did you do this to this character? They were fine, they were likable, whatever, whatever. Then of course, you know they make them terrible. My only example of this is watching the Office and seeing Andy's like Andy's growth professionally on the show, like you remember well, somewhere down the line in the series when Pam decides she's going to quit and work with Michael and them be in their own, like Michael Scott paper company shit, when that whole thing happened, which I thought was also messy writing. It was cool, though, because they introduced Idris Elba, so it was weird to hear him speak without his accent though, and I also think it's really cool that he's a DJ. But that whole Michael Scott paper company thing I don't think we really needed, but I guess if it was like a jump the shark type of thing, which is what used to be a thing in TV I don't know if it is anymore, but I don't understand it.
Speaker 1:But I'm going to go as far as to say that you know they hire Aaron, who you forget. Her first name is Kelly Kelly. Aaron Hannon is crazy. That's very Irish. Um, they say a lot of profound things in the show. They say a lot of profound things in the show, and one of the one time that this happens is when um Aaron decides she's going to stay at um, stay in Florida, like when they go do the thing in Tallahassee. Let's go back, though. I'm sorry I did this whole thing wrong.
Speaker 1:So Andy like starts to dig Aaron. So Andy like starts to dig Aaron. Then Aaron starts to dig Andy, but he's dating someone else. And then he's dating someone else, but then Aaron decides she's going to stay in Tallahassee when they do this other shit and Aaron got hired because Pam left to work with the store in Tallahassee because they were going to do a saber store that she's just not going to come back Because at this point she has nothing to come back to, she's not dating anybody, she's just at the point where she wants to be alone. When Andy misses his chance, she dates Gabe, and then she finds Gabe disgusting with his trowel, she finds him disgusting. So they move on. And that's when she leaves for Tallahassee. He decides, andy decides that while he's dating I forget what her damn name is Jessica. Okay, andy dates Jessica, who doesn't work there, and he decides while he's dating this other chick that he's going to drive down to Tallahassee to go get Aaron back.
Speaker 1:And then it starts a whole other spiral of another stupid storyline, with Nellie stepping into the seat because he's not around as manager. So that's that. But he says the most profound thing because Aaron's like you know, I really appreciate you coming down here, but she's like I don't really feel that way about you and she's like you kind of broke my heart and he goes you broke my heart too, and she goes. Well, you broke my heart more recently and more often. And he's like, and he says like I'm sorry we didn't love each other at the same time, something like that, I'm sorry we had not loved each other at the same time, something crazy like that. He tries to be real poetic about it and I was like you know, when you pay attention to these shows, they actually say some pretty cool shit. But I don't like what they did to Andy, which is they made him His character growth was cool. Then he did this shit, which was still funny.
Speaker 1:Then Nelly takes over and he just becomes a whiny little bitch baby. Then Nellie takes over and he just becomes a whiny little bitch baby. Then he gets his job back because he convinces David Wallace, a CFO, to reinvest in the company after he got fired or let go when Sabre took over. Then, once that happens, he decides he wants to go into acting, so he wants to leave a really stable job to go into something that has no guarantee of panning out for him and he just becomes a really like entitled dickhead, like, especially when he comes back. This is what he does. He leaves again while dating Aaron, because his family's life falls apart and they lose their money. So then he decides that he's going to take the ship, like the little the boat that was his family's boat, because they have no money now and instead of like selling it is what they planned on doing, they fucking sail it to the Bahamas together and Aaron.
Speaker 1:Aaron doesn't hear from him as often anymore and it just all falls apart and she starts falling for someone named oh my God, I don't know what his name is, but they call him Plop, which is really stupid. Let me see, hold on, what's his actual name on here? Hold on, I'm looking. What was his name? Pete? So Pete's name was Plop on the show. So Pete and Aaron get together and she's going to dump Andy as soon as he gets back, and then he gets back a day earlier. So they have to kind of like pretend.
Speaker 1:And then Aaron gets tired of pretending and just walks in and tells him hi, I don't want to date you anymore. Pretty much like it wasn't those words exactly, but it's pretty much the fact that you know're no longer together and you know she's moving on, but she doesn't tell him who she's dating. So of course he figures it out. But he doesn't remember that plop's name is pete. So of course he gets a text. She gets a text and he reads her phone off of her desk. Like she leaves her phone on her desk unattended and he goes into it. Everybody, everybody's watching him do it and they're like who's invading who's who's privacy now? And it's like bitch, get away from her phone Like this. The people in that office were way too nice to just let him continue to do what he was doing.
Speaker 1:So of course now we find ourself in a situation where he's he gets upset and you know they're like like look, you just have to move on, like you really need to just get over it and stuff like that, which isn't really like the nicest way to say it, but it's the only way to say it because he's a baby about everything. So of course, what is this now? What's he talking about? Oh, that's cool. Spaghetti bowl for dinner. That's cool. Sorry, I got a text.
Speaker 1:Um, so he becomes a little bitch boy and invites both Gabe and Andy's ex I mean, not Andy's ex, pete's ex to come quote, unquote work for the company. And it's just so that you know, do you feel comfortable working with your ex? I thought that was so funny. And then, of course, course, you know he acts like a dickhead to Nellie because he finally gets his job back and he just decides he's going to continue to be a bitch to her. And you know it affects Erin a certain way when she wants to have like Nellie wants to adopt a baby, that's like her main thing in her personal life on the show, and then he decides he doesn't want to write her a really good recommendation and then aaron's crying about it and it just gets weird. Just gets weird. And then the whole thing with jim and pam and their whole need to go to couples counseling because he wants to do his thing and she's like. I don't really agree with that because he went behind our back.
Speaker 1:Like that show became such a mess in the latter seasons that I was like what the fuck even is this? Like the late later seasons before, all the reconciliations and shit kind of upset me. And also I don't care for Karen. Like he was never. Jim was never going to love Karen the way he loved Pam. So there's that. Anyway, let's skip on over, because that was that's all I wanted to do to go into that. That was a lot of rambling for the office.
Speaker 1:I have to say, though, I'm really impressed with how we heard no drama about the Golden Globes this year, like there's always something. Like there's always a celebrity acting stupid or saying something stupid. Hold on a second here, second here, okay. So I have to check on, check on something. So, um, nikki Glaser at the golden globes. She looked wonderful and I've seen her do stand up Like I've watched some of her, her shows, her specials and she's she, and she did an excellent job. There was no drama the next day. You didn't hear anything bad spoken about anybody.
Speaker 1:She made jokes that actually made people laugh. They said she was the first female to host the Golden Globes in the 82 years of its institution, because the last time you saw a female host it was Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. Because the last time you saw a female host it was Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, and they've always knocked it out of the park. But one woman carrying it on her back like that for an entire night is insane. I'm tired of getting interruptions here. Okay, let's see. So her monologue was hilarious. I can't believe she got fucking Adam Sandler to do Chalamet and his crazy little voice. If you haven't seen it, google it or YouTube it.
Speaker 1:Whatever, I do have a couple of other things I want to talk about, but it's probably going to be a short episode. I'm a little bit tired. My throat's starting to hurt. I went ahead yesterday. There's things at work that are a little silly to me and it's simple things really, so I put my. When I come into work, the fridge is fairly empty, so what I do is is I put my lunch bag in a certain area so that it's out of the way of people. Someone some jackass yesterday decided that they were going to legitimately put their bag in front of mine when there was like a Tetris space to the left of my lunchbox where their shit would have fit. Why would you put it directly in front of mine, is my question, when you have room on the left hand side of my bag? My small bag of lunch like cannot understand it. So there's that annoying instance where I just don't get it.
Speaker 1:And then there's other shit that I don't like either that when people are trying to sound smart and they mispronounce words, like it's one thing if you're trying to be funny and mispronounce a word. But, like, there's people I listen to on podcasts and I've said this before and I'm like really into the story and whatever's happening in it and then they mispronounce a word and it's like, oh my god, I have to hear the entire sentence again because I don't know what they're talking about. Like what did you say? Like I don't understand. So let me see something here. Yeah, it's just annoying to me, like Chris D'Elia does it on his podcast.
Speaker 1:There's even some chicks that I listened to. A true crime obsessed. I haven't heard. No, not true crime obsessed. What the fuck is the other show that I listened to? Hold on, hold, on, hold on True crime obsessed. I love this bitch in this one show. Does something else? Hold on, what's my library looking like? True crime obsessed. They're fucking hilarious. Obsessed. They're fucking hilarious. Crime junkie, crime junkie. The chick could do all the research in the world.
Speaker 1:And when she mispronounces a whole sentence I'm like, oh, this show has to go in the trash, doesn't it? Because you can't mispronounce a word while you're trying to sound smart, that automatically like negates the argument or the sentence. It gives less meaning to me if you're a smart person and you say something wrong. Like I said, it's one thing if you're set out of human, like hilarity or whatever, but we're not doing that when we're making serious sentences, like we're not saying pretty attrition If we're talking about seeing a doctor, I understand. If you're saying it to be funny, like cultural appropriation or appropriate like that, oh, come on, bro, just swallow your tongue and end it. How does one even swallow their tongue, like I've heard of that being a thing, but I've never actually like what. What is that Anyway? Um, so this morning was fun. Uh, I have one last story, cause I'm really fucking, I'm getting tired. Uh, well, there's a couple of things. There's something on Facebook and then there's the Walmart activities.
Speaker 1:So this morning I tried to place a Walmart order for delivery and I get my delivery and I checked the. I didn't really check the bags at first. I gave him the code so he could leave and I uh, what'd you call it? I finally go through the bags when I put them on the counter and only one item is one thing that I ordered and I looked I had looked at the Walmart order in the app and nowhere did it show that any of these substitutions were made.
Speaker 1:There was a whole bunch of fucking frozen vegetables. There was a box of brown rice. There was three packages of ground turkey. There was two cans of pumpkin pie filling. I'm like what diet is this person on? Like ground turkey? Suggests to me that you're trying to lose some weight. Brown rice also. Then they got frozen peas, frozen green beans, frozen broccoli, frozen carrots.
Speaker 1:So I'm like, all right, cool, this person is trying to do this meal prep shit. But then I'm like none of this is my shit, none of it. They had fuzzy socks that I was like I will keep these, but I'm throwing everything else out. Luckily it was a clean garbage bag. Because I got the wrong order.
Speaker 1:I called Walmart, the Walmart customer service for online orders. I call them. They refund me as a Walmart credit because it's quicker. So I said, fine, I'll just place a pickup order and go get it. So then, of course, um, after I get off the phone with the representative and she gives me my credit, I uh, oh, my God, I do my pickup order. Um, then I hear like a knock at my door. I go back to the door. It's the fucking guy that delivered the wrong food and he had my order, so he had my correct shit. So I was like, okay, cool, thank you, and he gives it to me. I give him back the shit, including the socks, and I was like, here, this is everything. I kept it. And he was like, thank you so much. And then I put my stuff away, and then I canceled my stuff away and then I canceled my pickup order. So I basically got my groceries for free today.
Speaker 1:But could you imagine the fucking debacle that goes behind doing that? Let me see something here. I got to send something to my manager really quick. Um was told to relay this information. Lauren, okay, okay, sorry, I'm trying not to be that quiet, but on WebEx, cool. So, because my manager's leaving for the day soon and I need to really get this resolved, I guess, but it's probably going to be a whole debacle and it's really not.
Speaker 1:I'm a reporting rep. I don't have anything to do with that, so I don't know why it's even in my name, like a case was assigned to me that someone from payroll should be looking at and I just don't get it. So I'm just letting my manager know. This is what I was told to relay. There's the details and this is who I spoke to this morning. Also, like I've spoken to everybody. Okay, can someone just tell me what the right fucking process is so I can be done with it? And I wish my manager wasn't fucking subbing for someone else who decided to be out.
Speaker 1:Anyway, it's enough, that hurts my throat. It's enough. Let's see what do we got on Facebook. Let's see. Oh right, this one, so this. And he kept laughing while I was giving him head. What does that mean? And this has never happened to me, so I don't know.
Speaker 1:So of course, I went through the whole. I went through the comments and I was like I have to save this for my people, says. The first comment goes it tickles sometimes. If he didn't tell you to stop, it's all good. And then the chick goes true story, what do you mean? You don't have a dick to tell him that, like you don't have a dick to agree with that.
Speaker 1:Someone else said get a new career. What the fuck? Someone said I've never once dealt with this, but I can assure you it's not good. Uh, girl, if you read up, you're wrong. Some dude answered no, it's good, it means he's really. He's really fucking halt.
Speaker 1:It's finally happening for him again after a long dry spell. The dry spell is time you went without any sex for the women out there. That got guys lined up that they aren't even considering. Maybe he's just happy to be there. He'd already finished and didn't tell you. Now he's sensitive. Wait, you can't tell you Now he's sensitive. Wait, you can't not tell if a guy's finished if you're giving him head. That's insane. To suggest that she wouldn't know. That Feels so friggin amazing that your body doesn't know how to process it. My wife considers it a compliment for me when that happens. When you laugh, bruh, it happened to me once. It was a sensory overload, an involuntary response. It felt good, but too good. Okay, he's ticklish. We need more context, unless he yells ouch, or stop, keep going and get extra sloppy with it.
Speaker 1:Some people, some humans, just don't need the internet. Some humans just don't need the internet. Let me see Ew, ew attaches and burrows into your flesh. If it's in your mouth, it swims and climbs into your nasal passages, in your ear and behind your eyes. Then it digs in, it enters your bloodstream and collects in your brain and spine like something out of a sci-fi movie. It becomes a part of you and you can't get rid of it.
Speaker 1:We're only now beginning to understand the full power and ramifications. What is this psycho babble shit? Am I in a sci-fi movie? Whatck, this one's a funny one, what you look like? And it goes I'm ugly. It sends a picture and the response is LOL, you right, you freaky though. Oh, my God, bruh, oh great, this is crazy.
Speaker 1:So we're fancying up words now Doctor overdoses at high society, new York City cocaine apartment. So the first comment goes oh, it's not a crack house, it's a cocaine apartment, not a drug house, a drug home, it's not a meth house, it's a crystal palace. I mean, you should have learned this when you learned about the crack epidemic, but glad you're finally here with us. It features a lovely courtyard and not far from the main house it has its own crack headquarters. And don't forget all the white girl household managers.
Speaker 1:Jesus, mr Brownstone in a brownstone next, I'm pretty sure he'll never move on up with the Jeffersons. He'll always be a CD rundown, abandoned home with no plumbing. Jesus Christ, it's not a trap house, it's a curated pharmacy. Pop up, that's a good one. A trap house, it's a curated pharmacy pop up, that's a good one. To prove people will argue over anything. Here is a stick. That's stupid. Let me see. Oh, get the fuck out of here. What the fuck? Oh, this one. This was the other one I wanted to read, and then I'm fucking out because I'm tapping out real slow. I'm fading.
Speaker 1:My grandma's pregnant. She's only 46, so we were pretty excited at first, but now she's claiming my husband is the father. I don't know what to do. He does spend. He does spend a lot of time quote unquote helping at her house. I can't believe he'd plow my granny, though. We have to wait months for a paternity test. If it's his. If it's his, will the baby be my aunt, slash, uncle and stepchild? It's also worth noting that my husband is both my brother and my uncle, and my grandma is his grandma too, and also his ex-girlfriend. What is this? I'm really not sure what to do. And no, this is not a stupid joke, this is serious.
Speaker 1:So please refrain from rude responses. Don't post it then, if you don't want rude responses, because that's all this world is is rude as fuck. Let's take a look at these comments. The first one says me, just trying to follow the genealogy Same, same brother, same. What else did I get? Who is it? Leave me alone. All enrollments are complete. Okay, I don't give a fuck. Sounds like it runs along the horizon and stops at the first crack in the sidewalk. That family tree is a wreath. Oh God Again, facebook is not a diary. That's true, bro. Stop blocking the group name. I want to join.
Speaker 1:When you hear banjos in the background getting closer the more you read, oh God, hi, welcome to my home. Let me introduce you around here. This here is my uncle, junior, junior and this Stop. What If you share grannies and only went into this with that info, how are you surprised? He plowed granny once more. Sister, get the fuck out of here, throw the whole away, just so the entire family away. I love people like that. They should put birth control in the water supply.
Speaker 1:Family get-togethers are also where they go to pick up dates. How convenient. Original poster mom and dad were siblings, so her husband is her uncle brother. Therefore that would also be his. Oh god, this is making me sick. The love child would be her uncle slash stepchild and husband's uncle slash son. But the funny part is the fun part is that granny's son slash great grandchild, but also the original poster's parents sibling slash what? Bruh family tree more like a wreath. Oh my fucking god, what, what in the banjo music is going on here.
Speaker 1:If this is true, I hope the baby's okay. I understand the heart wants what the heart wants. However, I would not go to any family gatherings anymore. It sounds like there are singles mingle. Try to not encourage family hookups going forward. That's crazy. At least y'all keeping it in the family, just like royals. I don't know if I should cue the banjo or summon jerry springer.
Speaker 1:By the way, they added added Jerry Springer's documentary to Netflix and I can't wait to fucking watch that shit. I can't wait to watch it. Did I discuss a bit conned? I don't remember if I did, but that was a wild one, to where this guy was scamming people out of money by pretending that you could have a debit card associated with Bitcoin so you could spend it at an ATM. I think I mentioned this, but that guy got no time for time like for good behavior, because he, you know, communicated with the feds and help them. That's insane. Meanwhile, the other two people involved got time. One of them got eight years.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I had to yawn, I am so tired. Yeah, I'm working from home today, so I'm in my nice comfy robe. I hope you can't hear that fan in the background, but I am chilling for the rest of the day. I love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. I hope to have more content the next week.
Speaker 1:I've been really tired. My head is hurting. I feel kind of like of like, so I hope I have more. But I did want to put something out because I can't just leave y'all hanging because you guys are dedicated. So I'm going to be dedicated. I'm going to try and build a website so that I can put all of this shit together in one place, cause I have a lot of clips from when I stream in Tik TOK I'm, I have a Twitch, I have like a whole bunch of stuff going on and I kind of just want to put it in one area. So like a link for the podcast, a link for the Twitch, a link for the TikToks, like just all in the same place so you can access it wherever you feel you can. But that's it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this week has been something else. It's been a roller coaster of emotions Going back into work, obviously just not been feeling well, dealing with some bug issues in here again. Nothing too crazy, though. It's just annoying when you see like one at a time and no matter what you think you do to resolve the problem, it doesn't get resolved. But yeah, that's it for me for this week. I hope you have a great rest of your week and, like I said, I hope to be more prepared next week. I'm hoping to maybe get a guest or something next week, so this actually lasts a full hour. I haven't done that and, like this will be my second episode, that's under an hour, but I love you guys and I will speak with you next week. Bye, thank you.
