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Coco Off the Grid
Let's go off the grid and get silly with today's headlines, work dramas and the unexplainable actions of others.
Close your blinds, shut off your lights and put your phones on airplane mode because it's time to join me for another episode of "Coco Off the Grid."
Coco Off the Grid
Rerun #1: The Beanhater Strikes Back Again
Hey all welcome to the first rerun episode of the show! This is an oldie but goodie from my original podcast "Cuckoo with Coco," from a few years back. I am going to start incorporating my old stuff into my new! In this episode Bean Hater Dan and I talk about Pandemic Babies, Florida Phone Thieves & Lazy River Floors.
Close your blinds, shut off your lights and put your phones on airplane mode because it's time to join me for another episode of "Coco Off the Grid."
If you like this show and all it's shenanigans, please feel free to give a follow over on Twitch and Tiktok (it's more of this!)
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What's up, homies? I am reaching out to let you know I did not have much this week and I know it's been kind of lazy, but my mom visited this week along with my other sister, so we had a lot of fun together. But I did want to start incorporating some of my old stuff into my new stuff and I found a couple of tracks from Cuckoo with Coco. I don't know where my shit is going, but like it's sucking things up into the cloud, so I have to find the rest of them, but this was a fan favorite back when I started doing this shit initially. So here's me and the bean hater making fun of each other, and I'll be back next week with some new content. Love you guys. Bye, are we here? Yes, we're here. We're here, we're here. Who's loud? I not loud.
Speaker 2:No headphones max volume.
Speaker 1:Ah, okay, yeah, it's loud enough. Anyway, welcome to episode 28.
Speaker 2:28? Wow.
Speaker 1:I know right, I committed to something long enough to be at 28. Excuse me All right. So how has your week been so far? And don't tell too many funny stories up front.
Speaker 2:My week has been very boring, actually, outside of that story, mostly rained in A lot of rain past week and then just waiting for my wife to pop.
Speaker 1:Oh well, that's nice. So I laughed because yesterday this girl, ellie, I was texting with her she said that she was hiding in her bathroom. So I said why? And I was like the only reason you should really be hiding in your bathroom is if there's a murderer in your apartment, like are you okay? And she said that there was really high winds and she was afraid that her windows were going to get we're going to like smash and be blown in all over her apartment and I'm like she goes, I wouldn't survive in Florida, is what she said. And I said, okay, why? And she goes because you know hurricane season and all that. And I said, dude, just be in like a one level house. I don't think people need to be that high. Like my grandmother is on the 19th floor of a 20 floor building. Nobody needs to be that high. That's just my opinion.
Speaker 2:I won't even go into buildings like that anymore. I went to a building like that I think it was like 36th floor in New York City just to visit somebody and I swear to you, I sat in the middle of the floor, scared shitless, because I felt the building moving.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:When it's windy, her building moves. Yeah, I was like, nope, not moving. Not moving in the middle, okay, far from the walls. Okay, like it was supposed to be safe or something I believe that 100 because you also don't eat beans.
Speaker 1:So if you don't eat beans, then you're not going into the home building.
Speaker 2:I'm lactose and bean, okay, you weirdo.
Speaker 1:All right. So, since you and I both grew up in not different home environments, but we didn't grow up rich, one of the things I wanted to discuss was things you've seen on HGTV or the DIY channel or anything that you've seen in the past. It doesn't have to be anything recent, but anything that's blown your mind recently, and I'll give an example to start. So the first thing that I saw this past week or two weeks was that a lot of these houses are really big and there's like not enough people to populate them, but people have so much stuff. And then the whole term of having a mudroom. I'm like what the hell is a mudroom? Just another entrance where you can be dirty and gross? I'm like I didn't have a mudroom. The whole apartment was a mudroom.
Speaker 2:Was it supposed to be like a spa type thing?
Speaker 1:No, the mudroom is where. If you don't want to go through the main entrance, it's like a side entrance for your shoes oh okay, yeah, that's a bedroom what's what's wrong with an outside rug?
Speaker 1:right, like we used to. Well, okay, so back in manhattan, like early early days, we had a. I lived in a one-bedroom apartment with my mother because it was just two of us and you know it was really hard to be days. We had a I lived in a one bedroom apartment with my mother because it was just two of us and you know it was really hard to be on the list like a wait list to get a bigger place. So we were in that apartment for a very long time until I moved up here. So, uh, it was all carpet. So what we used to do was when you stepped in there was a mat. You took your shoes off, left them on the mat and then walked the rest of the apartment. So it was like that was the mudroom. Was that like little eight by 11 or eight by 14 size mat that was on the floor? These people have a whole room dedicated to being dirty.
Speaker 2:That's ridiculous. Here's a 10 bedroom house. This room is used to just throw them out on the floor.
Speaker 1:And everybody on that show that I was watching it was like love it or list it, which is one of my favorite shows, because Hillary does some amazing stuff with people's shitty homes and every like everybody on that damn channel wants a mudroom. And I'm like, for what A mudroom? For what? Just be clean and like why is your house dirty?
Speaker 2:I remember doing something like that with snow, though you would always just like pack up all the snow right in the beginning of the doorway. It was so great, I think, the craziest thing I ever wanted out of a house. Actually, personally and you're going to laugh I didn't want no hallways. I didn't want any doors. What I wanted was a lazy river under the floorboards to get from room to room.
Speaker 1:I mean, when you're drunk that's kind of genius. Be serious, when the world is spinning, I just want to slide somewhere, either on my butt or on my stomach, but I got places to be. You know, the world doesn't stop because you're drunk.
Speaker 2:If you didn't realize what's the craziest idea you ever had for your own house.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I always, always wanted. This is really funny. You'll laugh at this for sure. So you know how, in movies, where they used to have like a secret room behind a bookcase, that's what I wanted why would I laugh?
Speaker 2:I think that's an awesome idea just to be like.
Speaker 1:Just to be like you know what this conversation doesn't suit me. Hello, bible Cha-ching, and the door opens and I just go behind it, really slow. That's how you elegantly quit a conversation. Like, hey, I'm not going to go throw myself off the top of my house, I'm going to disrespect you in front of you and just go into this private chamber where I can't hear you.
Speaker 2:Wow, I want that. I'll take it, but it'll probably be a book that I never, ever read, so nobody else would ever find it like a Harry Potter book. Wow, which one? Any of them?
Speaker 1:I was going to say, if you say all of them, what's wrong with you? It's supposed to be like the easiest doorknob ever and you've got like eight books. What the hell? Well, this got crazy really fast. Would you like to tell your phone story next?
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, sure, why not? You're already laughing about it. All right, so at my wife's job a lady went to the bathroom. She recently bought an iPhone 11 Max whatever the Pro Max, yes, yes. So she paid for it in cash, so $1,100, and didn't insure her phone. So one day when she went to the bathroom she left it in there. Okay, now it's one of those moments when you leave the bathroom you're like, oh crap, I know, I left it not even like 40 seconds later. So by the time she turns around to go back to the bathroom, somebody else is occupied and okay, obviously you know they're gonna see the phone and probably turn it in. But when the person came, she asked, let's say, person B, who was in the bathroom and person A has the phone. She asked person B, have you seen my phone in there? Person B replied with I don't have your phone. Stop right there. How guilty can you be if that's your response to did you see my phone in there?
Speaker 1:I don't have your phone that's incorrect and walks away um, obviously personally, all she had to do was donkey punch him like he or she, whoever took the phone. I gotta just hit them up back of the head one time. Hey man, yes, you do so there's two ladies um oh okay, so punch her yeah so this all happened around lunchtime.
Speaker 2:Now person b, who obviously took the phone, left for lunch. Um, at this time my wife had to go through security footages with the I don't know HR person and you can obviously see there was nobody in the bathroom in between 40 seconds of difference. Oh, so when I get there towards the end of the day I see, uh, state troopers there. Um, they weren't there for that reason, but they were there just for like a demo. And then the person who lost their phone explained the situation. So they actually had to work instead of just being there for a demo. After all this, the next day passed. You know, obviously they didn't get the phone back. The phone's off, as people do. They just turn it off, turn off the the phone, turn off all the tracking and everything. So the next day, uh, the person a, who owns the phone, decides to call the police again and explains to them that she believes she saw her phone in person b's car.
Speaker 1:What was she doing? Looking at people's cars.
Speaker 2:I guess she was just in the parking lot, just going home or something.
Speaker 1:Okay, stop right there, because how many cars in that parking lot where she decided to Pac-Man her way around the parking lot to look for a phone? No, dude, seriously, I don't have time for that. If I'm frantic looking for my phone, how do I know whose car to be looking at?
Speaker 2:Oh, it gets better. Oh, my God, it gets so much better. So after they called the police, they arrived and person A told my wife that, oh, she can't stay to wait for the police because she has an appointment to get to.
Speaker 1:Was it for a lobotomy or?
Speaker 2:It needs to be.
Speaker 1:This is like dumb stealing from dumber. Okay, what kind of appointment was it? Was it a hair appointment? Maybe 1% would have understood that.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think it was. It really was just an appointment. It's just like oh wait, get out. Oh my god, it almost seemed like to me maybe she had her phone in her back pocket the whole time oh my god if she did.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, it was in my pocket this whole time, my flat ass and this square in my back pocket. Anyway, I hate people. Um so, because, first of all, the first thing you do when you pay out of pocket for a phone is to insure it not. Not that this is gonna actually happen right after you buy the phone, but like it's eleven hundred dollars in cash you just paid, probably. Why wouldn't you just pay whatever the fifteen dollars for the total protection on it?
Speaker 1:you idiot I'm trying to save a little bit of money like it's maybe a little bit more than ten percent of what the phone costs like and and there hasn't been an update since all I know is person b is no longer working there.
Speaker 2:Oh, of course, person a doesn't have a phone, since all I know is person b is no longer working there oh, of course person a doesn't have a phone now can I just tell you something?
Speaker 1:I think it's really funny that you told me a phone got stolen in florida, because my cousins are notorious for getting their phones stolen and guess where they live florida. You guys gotta figure out. Figure your shit out. Why are you taking people's phones? Are you losing your own phone and then have to steal someone else's to make up for it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably. I mean phones don't exist.
Speaker 1:And you know what's funny, I haven't heard anyone else lose their phone lately from anywhere else. They're like they always post something about how my, my husband left his phone while he was doing a DJ thing or like taking pictures. My cousin does photography so like every time he puts his phone down I'm like bro, put your phone in your big ass pocket. Why is your phone away from you while you're doing photography? If it's an audio thing, I understand, because feedback is a thing, Okay. But like you're taking pictures of weddings and such and you left your phone what, what Like. But I need Florida to get it together and stop stealing people's shit.
Speaker 2:You're asking for way too much there.
Speaker 1:All right, well, how about we just start with insuring the phone, then that works. Okay, cool, you know, just want to make sure you're asking for way too much there. All right, well, how about we just start with insuring the phone, then that works. Okay, cool, you know, just want to make sure you're on board, okay.
Speaker 2:Lazy river, anyway, lazy river, yes, under the house, okay.
Speaker 1:So one of the craziest things I've been dealing with and you know I've been dealing with it it's stupid ass people coming up to my desk. So I've been busy typing up these lab requisitions for no reason, for COVID, every employee, so for the state of New York, for anybody who's a county or state employee. I probably said this in the last episode too, but county and state employees who work in nursing home facilities or with the public have to be tested twice a week until June 20th, unless he extends it. Firstly we weren't going to be testing anybody who wasn't a resident. Then it was like petition, because they're going to run out of supplies. And then what do we do? And you sign a petition. Nothing happens. It gets pushed through anyway. So I got stuck. This was the stupidest shit that's ever happened to me and I'm glad I got paid for it. But at the same time I'm mad because carpal tunnel is a thing and my wrist has not stopped hurting me.
Speaker 1:So when we first were notified that these things were going to be done, I was given access to the quest diagnostic application to type in everyone's stuff. So every time I got handed like a lab requisition form if they weren't already in the system. I had to add everybody. So day one, all I'm doing is typing up everyone's information, and that was for the full eight hour day. Like I didn't even take a lunch, like I worked through my lunch, um. So that happened and I was told that there was a time. So that happened and I was told that there was a time. It was time sensitive, so someone was coming from Quest Diagnostic to pick up all the stuff and they wanted me to have everything typed up by 6 o'clock. So, needless to say, that didn't happen, and a quarter after 7, I just left work a quarter after 7. So I got three hours past my eight hours. So I was like, okay, whatever. But then come to find out when I came back to work on Monday. I didn't have to do that that fast.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Apparently, me typing those up was for us to keep track of our own people, wow. So I was like okay, wait.
Speaker 2:You're telling me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I was almost at work for 12 hours and you're telling me I could have left at four o'clock on a Friday, on a Friday, on a Friday, on a Friday on a Friday, on a Friday, on a Friday, like I can't even tell you didn't burn that place down. I wanted to turn around and leave, but I, so I said that would have been nice to know on Friday and me and my boss could have both left, because she stayed with me and I got all of them done. My point is workers comp is coming soon to a theater near you.
Speaker 1:oh, wait they'll open, they will open, and then. So while I'm doing all that stupid shit, all these cnas keep coming up to me. It was the day where I was entering everybody not any of the following days, of course. That day all the cnas want to come up to me and ask me about their stupid little obra quizzes and shit. And I'm like, oh, my Like, if someone else asks me about it, I'm throwing paper at them, like I'm just going to flip this packet of papers into the air and let it all tumble down and just be like I quit, like let it float down around me like fucking confetti. This is my party on the way out. Bye, like, bye. See you next week Maybe, but I quit this day.
Speaker 2:Take my three hours back.
Speaker 1:Yeah Right, bitch, I'm like and people are so worried about the wrong shit, like my boss, beth, is like I didn't get my results on my phone yet and I have the app. She goes maybe I need access to that application. And I looked at her. I was like in my head I'm like no, you don't, you wait, like everyone else, if there's one more person in this app while I'm trying to enter this shit. That's slowing me down Because I don't know that too many people should be in it at the same time, cause I think it slows down the program.
Speaker 1:I wanted to kill my boss the other day because I was trying to type them in before they got the printer. So now I don't have to do this anymore, really. So we they got a printer in, but before that I was still typing all of them in every day. So it was like two weeks straight of me typing all this garbage in and my boss was in it at the same time as me. So I asked her. I was like are you looking at these two? She goes yeah, why? And I'm like it's kind of slowing me down, like I want to get these away from my face. And she just laughed. She goes oh, I'm so sorry and I wanted to be like bitch. Don't be sorry, get out of it. You have plenty of other shit to be doing. You're the director of nursing. Find something to do.
Speaker 2:I know your pain.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh my God. And then there's a doctor who I'm going to call her Dr W Cause who knows who listens to this, I don't really care, though. So she, she just comes in and she like lingers in everyone's doorway. I'm like yo, you're the medical director of the facility. Don't you have something to do? Like all these people just come and hang out Like it's and it's. What's funny is it's? It's a cereal thing that goes on, not cereal, like the thing you eat, but something that happens multiple times in a row. There's people who will come into the office that are supervisors, who should be on their unit supervising, and they come and they hang out and gossip in my office with either of the bosses there's three. I'm like aren't you supposed to be watching the elderly man? Don't you have residents that need your help? Like, what are you doing? Talking about your weekend?
Speaker 1:get out, we're not doing anything we're waiting for your confetti party not even that, like we're not even doing anything on weekends because we can't go anywhere. So what is it you're talking about that?
Speaker 2:you stared at your kids all weekend I was in quarantine all weekend with my husband oh my God dude, he did this crazy thing with peanut butter.
Speaker 1:There was nothing. You know what? No, no, no peanut butter, get out of here go but what can you possibly talk about?
Speaker 1:exactly. There was someone in the office for like 20 minutes and then the commissioner of the facility walks up and he's like, oh, were you in there? And she goes oh no, we're just talking about nothing. Exactly so take your nothing, ass out of here. Like, take your nothing, no context stories out of here, go. There's not enough depth, there's nothing going on. It's like shallow puddles of conversation. Get out of here. We don't want to talk about the weather. It's hot.
Speaker 2:Go get out of here it's hot, it's cold, it's raining. What are your plans for the weekend, dude? Stayinging in the house and watching TV.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, I play that game with Bonnie every weekend and she laughs every time. It's the first time. I said it to her. Yo, I said this to you last weekend. What are you laughing at, corinne? They all do. I'm like I am not that funny. I'm being serious. What are you laughing at, anyway? So, um, oh, okay, I got another funny thing for you. So my brain, I think, is broken and I'm going to explain. No, no, I'm explain why. Okay, so last weekend, well, last week, friday, no, no, no, two weeks ago, sorry. So two weeks ago they had fish nuggets and rice, and now their fish nuggets are really good in the cafeteria.
Speaker 1:I like them. A lot of people don't? I like them. I don't put tartar sauce on mine, I put ketchup. So that's a background story for you. Every time I do fish fillets or anything like that, I do ketchup. So that's background story for you. Every time I do fish fillets or anything like that, I do ketchup. So that's the backstory of this. So I got fish nuggets, I got the rice pilaf, which was so good together, but I found at my desk I only have one packet of ketchup. So I was like all right, who am I going to have to harass in this place to get me ketchup. So I was like, all right, who am I going to have to harass in this place to get me ketchup? So I asked, who did I ask first? Oh, I asked Mark, who usually has like a hodgepodge of garbage in his office, did not have ketchup. I asked like so many other people. And then I asked I was asking Dana and she goes why don't you just ask the lady in the cafeteria?
Speaker 2:Dude, I was stressed out for 15 minutes looking for ketchup, and I should have just asked the lady in the cafeteria. Yeah, your brain was definitely broken man. You were talking about this whole time how you would get the fish nuggets and stuff like that, and you always had ketchup on it, right?
Speaker 1:No, I was saying in general I always get ketchup with anything fish related that's breaded. My brain did not process that there was ketchup in the fridge behind the lady giving me the nuggets. Okay, that's where we're at.
Speaker 2:Try again, we're going to the cafeteria to get food, and then we're going to leave the cafeteria to look for condiments.
Speaker 1:Do you know how thrilled I was that she had ketchup? So thrilled, so excited that I held it up and sang to it Like it was the beginning of. Lion King Ah, serenya, like for real, did the whole shit at my desk. Nobody understood what was happening. They didn't have to. Oh my gosh, that was it. That was my fish. Fish tragedy of the week you're ridiculous, oh it gets better. So what is it about closing a door that makes people forget things? Here's why I asked this.
Speaker 1:And then I want to hear your theory. So when people come into the office or into my department anyway and they walk out in the hallway, they seem to think that they've stepped into Narnia and then left and joined the real world. So I've had plenty of people come into the office looking for the same employee and neglecting to see that I'm busy. So when there's a stack of biblical, encyclopedical proportions on my desk, I don't really want to answer questions. So so people will ask people. Someone came in asking for Beth. Beth was away from her desk, and this happens on the phone too. This shit is just so annoying because if the person's not at their desk, I have to answer the call. So they'll walk in. They'll be like, oh, is Beth here? And I'll be like no, so they leave.
Speaker 1:10 minutes goes by, they come back Is Beth here? No, she's away from her desk. I'm like do you want me to have her call you? She goes, no, so she'll go to her desk. She'll, freaking, call me and be like, oh, beth's not at her desk. Dude, if I have to talk to you one more time, it's going to be. Why don't you just email her and wait for her to answer your email. Wouldn't that make sense? Yeah, she's walking around with a county-issued cell phone which gives her all the information she needs if someone is to email her, and we all have a phone registry that shows their work phone numbers. What is the deal? What is the issue? Issue like. I've never been more upset with people.
Speaker 1:I sit and I watch all this shit happen and I'm like dude, I wish I could have blinders on so bad. I would really rather not see the level of incompetence and shit that's around me.
Speaker 2:I can't that's just people being lazy and then wanting to put it on you.
Speaker 1:It's just like the exiting and entering of a room through a door. It's not a hologram, it's not a mind eraser. What's the issue? And then not even that, but them not realizing when people leave early, like, maybe give this information to these people if you know they're gonna call for you so I don't have to deal with it. Like I'm really tired of answering the phone number for staffing people because I hate both of them, both employees in that department. It's like like one of them called me today and was like oh, I don't have the original schedule for 3 to 11. I'm like fucking bitch, I don't care, come over here and make the copy. She wants me to wait to finish her sentence. I'm going to be like oh, do you want a ham sandwich with that too? What else can I get for you?
Speaker 2:Oh my.
Speaker 1:God You've called. You've just reached the chili dogs with cocoa line. Can I get you a dog? Like what the fuck? It's not a drive through, ma'am, Just state your purpose and hang up Like she takes 10 minutes to tell me, to ask me oh, would you be able to make a copy? Yeah, If you weren't a pain in the ass I would gladly make you a copy, but you're annoying and you were just in here a pain in the ass.
Speaker 2:I would gladly make you a copy, but you're annoying and you were just in here.
Speaker 1:It took you 12 minutes to get to your request. So no, she was just legit just in the office and you should have just picked up that paper and noticed you were missing shit and just been like oh, I'll make the copy. While I'm here, this little bitch waddled her ass back to the office and then goes hi, corinne, I'm missing the schedule, bitch, I don't care, I'm missing the schedule, bitch, I don't care, I'm missing moments from my life with this conversation.
Speaker 2:You're ridiculous.
Speaker 1:I know Also this lady. Oh, my God, I can't with her. So remember how last week I was talking about how a certain someone doesn't know how to read emails correctly, yes, okay, well, I, I'm so tired of doing favors, man, with my free time, even though I got paid for it I had to drive it out to the middle of like Bumblefuck, new Jersey. Well, it wasn't that bad, it was just I thought I was going to head to like a culty house where they were going to try and kidnap me and shit. So because I drove and I was getting further and further away from the house, and it was further and further away from neighborhoods and it was mostly trees. So I said, oh, this is where I go to die.
Speaker 1:So this lady asked me to do her son's hair. And can I tell you what a debacle it was to just get her to pinpoint a day and a spot to do this, because her son is not an employee of the facility, so he can't come on the premises and, um, anyway, she. We couldn't figure this out, but I had initially suggested why don't I just come to your house over the weekend and cut his hair? So she was like no, I don't want you to have to drive that far, so we'll figure something out. So she's bothering me and Mark Mark, who's the director of activities, who I mention all the time she's bothering me and him to try and coordinate a plan to cut her son's hair, when I just gave her the easiest out there was, which is basically I'll come to your house and cut his hair on the weekend. It doesn't get much easier than that. So this lady, this lady goes um, she says to Mark, she goes uh, do you know what's going on with that? Were you able to figure out a plan? And he looks at her and he goes what are you talking about? He doesn't work here, he can't come on the building to get a haircut and I'm not going to get in trouble and you're certainly not going to get Corinne in trouble working here trying to do that. So I just laughed and, uh, she goes um.
Speaker 1:So finally she got over her bullshit and she decided that she was okay with me coming to her house now fighting we did for the entire day, which nobody should have to fight with anybody to cut anybody's hair. She freaking, um, she goes uh, how, saturday at 10 o'clock. And I was like, sure, fine, that's a half hour drive from here, dude, it was the straightest drive ever, like there was maybe three turns, but it was still in New Jersey, which I was like, whatever, so I get there. So, okay. So after I fought her and I was like, all right, 10 o'clock is fine on Saturday, fine, no problem. And I told her and she made it sound like I was doing her a favor. So I was like, does she think I'm doing this shit for free? I'm like hold the fuck up. So I text her and I'm like hold the fuck up. So I text her and I'm like, hey, just so, you know, my cost is that it? So I told her a price and she goes okay, no problem, we're on the same page, whatever. So, um, cause I hit her with that, just so we're on the same page. My fee is like that's exactly how that text went. And she goes no, we're on the same page, everything's fine, we'll see you Saturday at 10.
Speaker 1:I just checked with Ryan. First of all, you don't check with the man who has been asking for a haircut for weeks. You tell him, because you're his mom, and he's like maybe 20, and you tell him the girl is coming to the house Saturday at 10 o'clock. Get your ass ready. That's, that's how that conversation goes. I hate people that do that. Let me check with him. What else is he doing? Maybe don't make these plans while talking to him first.
Speaker 1:Then, if you're going to do this, so after negotiating that time, I'm like all right, I kind of want to sleep, in Cause, you know, 10 o'clock on a Saturday means I have to get up at nine at least nine and then be out the door by at least 930. So I was like all right, cool, can we do 11? Instead she was like fine, no problem. So I take this silly ass drive. I get there and let me tell you something. It's a whole Jekyll and Hyde shit she has going on because, no, I freaking get to her house and I'm doing the hair in the garage, obviously, and they set up a chair and everything and she gave us all the supplies and then she goes away, which is all I want her to do at work is go away, and she let me in here. We were chatting, whatever, talking video games and podcasts and all this shit and whatever, whatever.
Speaker 1:And like 30 minutes later, boom, erica's done and she's been gone the whole time I'm like no way has this lady, you know, become a whole different person. So I freaking, um, so she pays me more than what I asked for. Well, he pays me more than what I asked for, and she's, she wants to start chatting with me. And I'm like, oh, she's back to her normal self, because I'm trying to leave, because while I was cutting hair in the garage, I started roasting. Okay, it started to get hot.
Speaker 1:I was cutting hair and I'm laughing and talking and you know, you start working parts of your body and stuff while you're cutting hair and laughing and shit, and you just start sweating, or that. To me anyway, I don't know what. About the normal person? So I'm in my car and this lady's still talking at me, so I have to, freaking, roll down the window and just sit there and take my punishment. So like I don't even know what she was talking about, to be honest, cause I was like I'm just trying to leave. And then of course I'm like so finally I dip out of there and I'm like, cool, they're doing breakfast all day at McDonald's. I'm gonna go get a McGriddle and then go home. Dude, I get to McDonald's and there is no McGriddle all day oh pissed, pissed.
Speaker 1:I had to settle for a burger and fries and I wanted a McGriddle and a hash brown. Like, what world do we live in where I can't get a McGriddle at 11, like 1130 on a Saturday? And, by the way, burger King is pissing me off because they're out of French toast sticks and get, get this. They don't know when they're going to get them in. I'm telling you right now I'm going to murder someone over a damn French toast stick. French toast stick and OJ, let's go. Not OJ Simpson, because he's a murderer. Oj, like orange shoes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't do breakfast at fast food places.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, that McGriddle is bomb.
Speaker 2:Nah, I'll pass All you All right.
Speaker 1:I was so mad. It was such a minor inconvenience because I had such a win for the day, because I was positive cash, negative McGriddle it was like why, why, and that's all I was gunning for too. I wasn't like in the back of my mind, I wasn't doing fricking back pockets where I'm like, all right, cool, if this doesn't work out, I'm gonna go here. Nope, went right to McDonald's to be disappointed as shit.
Speaker 1:Why didn't you just go to another McDonald's man? I went to the one on Dolson. You think I'm going to the other one on 211? No, Is that rain?
Speaker 2:Fair enough.
Speaker 1:Is that rain in the background? What am I hearing?
Speaker 2:Probably hearing my fish tank. Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:Oh, so I had something I wanted to get your thoughts on. So I was thinking it's really funny, it's really interesting and there's so many ways that this can go, but I know you're going to bring it in one direction. It's going to be really funny. So you know how we've been dealing with, like, the coronavirus and the pandemic, and being inside and not doing anything and just being, you know, together or whatever. So my thoughts were that COVID-19 is the plot twist of 2020.
Speaker 2:And that maybe mother nature is trying to teach us a lesson About what?
Speaker 1:No man, it's not a question and answer thing. It's a what's your thoughts, thing that being like togetherness and not polluting the environment with our cars and shit. You know exactly what I'm saying no, I don't. What do you mean? No, you don't. I almost forgot what I asked you. It was such a long pause. See my brain's broken. You don't think that's a possibility?
Speaker 2:Yours is, mine feels broken.
Speaker 1:No, you shush. You had one thing happen. I had a million. Oh also, if Bonnie doesn't stop asking me about hair shit while I'm trying to work, I'm going to flip out. The other day she tried to ask me, when she did what she asked me, that I wanted to kill her. She was asking me different colors of toner and what they look like. She's like well, what's the difference between honey and caramel? Girl, get it together. Okay, I was like just being adult, I legit told her. I was like just be an adult and pick a color. I was was like do you see swatches? Are there swatches of what these colors look like? She goes yeah, but how's it going to look on me? I'm like, girl, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Do one side of your head. If you don't like it, give it a month.
Speaker 1:Not even that. But I'm like I wanted to be like I don't really care anymore about your hair at this point, like she has a granddaughter who cuts hair, who cut her hair recently, so you have someone taking care of that part of you. That's it. I'm just here for work now. So unless you're talking work stuff to me that has to do with here, I don't care. That's exactly how it is, I don't care. But anyway, back to my plot twist, because I'm over that too. You don't think that's a possibility.
Speaker 1:You know, like that movie, the happening that fucking m night shamalan made, where, like the environment started attacking the people is that the one where it's like the trees and yeah, yeah, that one I barely remember that, yeah, that thing was crazy no, it was like if there was too many people all together in a group, they used to like release like some kind of spores or shit that used to make humans kill themselves oh, I'm gonna go watch that one again I basically just told you what happened.
Speaker 1:Mark walberg's in it, which surprise, surprise that he was in, that he's trying to get to somebody I forget who it is and he meets up with these people and it's basically they have to. They have to not be in such large groups Like um, I think it was because the population was too high on the on the planet and like the plants would just release some shit. And then the first way you noticed it was because it would hit them and they would stop, like they hit a wall, like not hard, but like they would stop like right on a dime. I don't even know why they say that shit. What does stopping on a dime even mean? Anyway, so they would stop and they would like walk backwards a few steps and then they would go to the closest object. That would kill them and then either launch themselves on it or Dude. That movie was nuts, nuts.
Speaker 2:That's what it feels like is going on here, except we're not killing ourselves, we're staying indoors now you're gonna go watch it yeah, no one I'm gonna go watch it because I always mixed up that movie with the Mist oh, that was good too, though that was crazy, that ending.
Speaker 1:I was like what?
Speaker 2:I always mixed up those two.
Speaker 1:They made that into a series. It didn't really last long, I think.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:It was on SyFy, I think, for a little bit. It might be on Netflix now or Hulu or something. You'll download it, you'll find it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I find everything.
Speaker 1:All right, easy, I was being polite and not bringing up that you're a hacker. Okay.
Speaker 2:Hacker Hack me Guilty, as charged, obviously.
Speaker 1:Get him.
Speaker 2:Get him, but I don't know.
Speaker 1:The question you're asking pretty much is, from my understanding is that you think the environment is telling us you screwed up, now fix your shit, basically, or that we essentially need to slow down with everything we're doing I agree on that part, but actually I don't want to say but I do agree with it finally, yes, got one. Yes, I have a moment where you don't, you know, violate my thoughts.
Speaker 1:Anyway, it's always something, man, it's always, if I say something, you're like well, actually hey, you appreciate that actually nothing I'll listen, but in my mind I'll be like I can't hear you it all makes sense now oh well, you know it has to come full circle at some point. Oh so we need to talk about how excited you are about the upcoming third person in your house I am actually super excited. Are you? I've been like how hyped on a level of one to a hundred 6,000. Okay, Andre 6,000. No.
Speaker 2:I'm definitely excited for it. You know, babysitting your twin sisters was what got me ready for this, but obviously I'm only dealing with one. But it's just that but it's just like that time, like I'm not worried about diapers or anything like that, I just want her here. I want to see the person she's going to be developed into and I want to see how well of a father figure I can be to her. That's awesome.
Speaker 1:Very proud of you, dude, have you played? I have to ask you a question have you played the Last of Us at all?
Speaker 2:Nope.
Speaker 1:Okay, so basically this girl, Ellie, was born during a pandemic, basically, which these plant spores were turning people into. I don't know if they were eating them at all or if they were just beating them to death. They were kind of similar to like plant versions of the creatures from, I am, legend, because I don't think those were cannibals. I'm not sure. If you remember, did you see that movie, or am I just referencing things that you just don't even care about?
Speaker 2:I am legend yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so they? They weren't cannibals, were they? What was their?
Speaker 2:issue? I don't think they were. It was some sort of vaccine that was supposed to like cure cancer, but then it had a downfall.
Speaker 1:Exactly Okay. So in the last of us that's what starts happening, like these spores, these radioactive spores, whatever. They don't exactly explain why it happened, but it happened. And this girl is born during a pandemic in which she essentially is perceived as the cure because she's been bitten several times and nothing has happened to her. So they do bite and scratch, but they don't eat people. So it's just cool, because the way I'm visualizing is that she doesn't know what regular life is like, because she has to keep running from these creatures with Joel and doing all these adventures and stuff with all these creatures around them. Now, considering the fact that we don't have creatures chasing us around which is good, because asthma I won't make it so it's going to be interesting to see how a kid grows up in an environment where we can't be outside. Like, how long do you think this is going to go on for? No, that's a question you can answer.
Speaker 2:I was really intrigued on the storyline. I was like, okay, this game sounds interesting.
Speaker 1:Oh no, it's definitely your speed. I'm surprised you haven't played it yet.
Speaker 2:Well. I'm surprised some people haven't played some other games.
Speaker 1:Stop, we're not doing that right now. Last of Us 2 comes out on my birthday, so I'm very excited for that. But it's a good story. Joel starts out. He obviously he was alive before the pandemic started. He lost his daughter during it. They flash forward to a few years later where this girl, ellie, is put in his charge and all the people who essentially were with him at the beginning like I forget, her name is Tess. So Joel and Tess they show you an introduction of how life is and that's kind of like the tutorial mode where they show all the shooting and everything. They meet Tess and Joel and they're in charge of taking this girl to the Fireflies. That's another gang or whatever that lives outside the wall of where Joel lives. So that's part of the story.
Speaker 1:And Tess gets bit and she knows she's going to turn, so she sacrifices herself. So them two can get away, joel and Ellie. So they get away and he develops a really cool bond with her through the adventure of bringing her to the Fireflies to see if she's actually the cure, but then finds out plot twists and spoiler alert that they want to just kill her, like drain her blood to make a vaccine. So he doesn't let that happen, he kills everybody and they end up leaving together. So, but, like I said, she doesn't know what normal life is like.
Speaker 1:So when they get to these different areas where they can just be themselves for a second and they're not chasing anything, it's like she's a toddler in like the world, like she doesn't know anything, like she doesn't know how to relax, and she starts asking what these things are. And these things are because the only world she's ever known is having to be indoors and being afraid of everything. So she's not very trusting of anything and it's just a really good storyline. So if you ever get a moment, go and check that out. But, like, what made me think of that was that the fact that there's so many babies being born into this right now and we don't know when we're coming out of this quarantine or whatever and what kind of life are they gonna start out with?
Speaker 2:is what I'm getting to? Okay, one what gang names himself fireflies I don't know and two um.
Speaker 2:Originally before with this whole pandemic, I was one of those people that you know like stay inside, be hardcore, don't even go outside, don't breathe on anybody, don't talk to anybody, anything like that. Um. But as more information is coming now and I'm actually like reading CDC stuff and things like that the mortality rate of COVID-19 is only like 0.23 or something like that currently, so I'm a little bit less worried about it. Also, news stations is I actually was listening to something about this today um, that news stations will only publish negative stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh, surprise, surprise of course they want us to live in fear yep, but the actual, real reporting is done in your local papers and there's so many counties that don't even have that, so they're all clueless and they have to turn to that negative news. But looking in this whole pandemic thing, I wouldn't think that we're going to worry about it much longer.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I would say it's probably about two or three months, and then it's just going to be quiet a little bit, and then the next big news about it is vaccine developed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like the flu, like it comes and goes in waves.
Speaker 2:Yep, and then it's going to turn into I am legend because we got a vaccine.
Speaker 1:Chill, man, I just told you I can't run from that shit. They better just kill me. I mean, I have faith in myself to a point. Okay, I'm working out now steadily, so we'll see about endurance. But I definitely know a lot of people who aren't making it or a lot of people. I'm going no, chill a lot of people I'm gonna trip while we run.
Speaker 2:So I'm one of them.
Speaker 1:It's so stupid. No, I just said no. Oh, and I wanted to ask you another question. It's probably a serious one, but how? How are things going in Florida? Are they protesting over there, or anything, or?
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're protesting. Um um, I haven't really heard much negative news.
Speaker 1:I believe that, um, a little altercation between police and protesters happened, like down the road from us, yeah, but other than that it's really been quiet, so it has been more peaceful than anything I feel like the the bigger gatherings are in new york and it's always weird because I don't understand why didn't even happen in New York, like not to make a joke of it, but like everybody like always stands up for something in New York. Not saying that they shouldn't, I'm just saying that why is there such a wide representation and places where things don't happen like that, like that areized anyway, like that might be a difficult question to ask.
Speaker 2:it's just a curiosity, you don't actually have to answer it well, I know this process is going all all over the world, london as well, australia that too, for sure I mean you really gotta ask yourself how many people are being like beat down brutally or being near death experiences that we don't hear about Exactly.
Speaker 1:Oh, dude, you want to laugh at something really quick, because I was laughing at this, it was on Facebook and it was about a protest.
Speaker 2:You're killing my emotional chain here.
Speaker 1:It's like happy sad, serious, no, no you're going to like this, because I almost fell out of my chair. So someone went to a protest yesterday I'm not naming names and if you're listening to the podcast then it's you. I don't give a shit. So this person posted on Facebook that they were so moved by what a female had said during one of the protests that they wanted her info. If anyone knows who this girl is, I would really love to vibe with her. I'm like homeboy. No, you are not trying to pick up somebody who had a blue Afro at a fucking protest. All right, nuh-uh, nuh-uh. Not, by the grace of the baby Jesus, is anyone giving you her number? And if they do, I'm going to be like, listen, don't give him your number. And here's why, like, this guy really posted that. If anyone knows who that girl is, please, please, privately message me. I'm like dude, take this down.
Speaker 2:I don't know who she is, not yours.
Speaker 1:Not even that, but like most of those chicks for someone, like that person, for that guy, oh, they're on a different intellectual scale, my dude.
Speaker 2:Sort of like my recruiter. Yeah, sort of like my recruiter.
Speaker 1:yeah, I still haven't heard back from them either shut up, that was so bad.
Speaker 2:Tell that story before we wrap this up so I'm in the market for a different job. I just want something with more pay. It's very simple. So a recruiter reaches out to me about a job now. First, I don't like recruiters, but I looked up the company website and reviews and they were a pretty decent company. So I tried to respond in my most professional manner. I wished her safety and healthy and all this stuff, and I was like I would love to explore this opportunity with you. Her reply was aren't you here for an interview? I'm like dumbfounded. I'm like yes, like yes. You reached out to me, asked me for a reply and I replied wouldn't the next step be to set up an interview? I don't know like a time we both agree on no comments never. And she said you know what you can just have my job.
Speaker 1:That's basically what you want. This position. It's now free, like it's available. Okay, higher intellect. So sorry, we come in peace, you know what galaxies have you? Seen, because this level of english is not on this planet like I just didn't get it.
Speaker 2:How was I supposed to answer? Fuck yeah, give me a number oh my god I don't know.
Speaker 1:I'm really upset for you because she was like she's like wait a minute, sir, like aren't you asking for a job? Like yeah, idiot, catch up. She probably. It probably took her a lifetime to figure out what you were talking about first, of all, she's still trying to figure out word, that answer, do you know? Rate of return seven days. Um, she probably took like 10 minutes to figure out what that text even meant. Like you've got to speak dumb, okay, dumb English is what you need to speak.
Speaker 2:You can't be like this.
Speaker 1:Yes, please, job give me Hello there, maiden, I hope thou doth not catch the plague. This pandemic is rather boring, isn't it? I speak employment wench. I understand people. You should have been like yo, what up dog? Yeah, don't trip dog, I want a job. Dog like big ups, homie, big ups gotta fuck up some commas, homie, fuck up some commas. I hate people because I swear I'd probably get hit in the face if I said that to anybody.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god, oh my god, I'm hot now. I don't have the ac on, that's hot.
Speaker 1:I didn't want noise, and all I hear is cars driving back and forth anyway oh my gosh, that was the best. Fuck up some commas. Wench disregard females get money, like whatever that shit said under that kid's yearbook from whatever he graduated from anyway, wow, we almost did like an hour I don't even know what I'm gonna name this shit.
Speaker 1:We talked about so much stuff. I think I'm gonna name it pandemic baby phone thieves. It doesn't make sense and it doesn't have to, but the recruiter that tried to get you for a job will understand perfectly Well.
Speaker 2:you got to add in the lazy river under the floorboards.
Speaker 1:That's fine. So, pandemic, baby phone, thieves, lazy river, I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. But anyway, I hope you had fun today. Did you have fun? Did you laugh? You laughed a lot.
Speaker 2:That was incredible.
Speaker 1:Alright, guys you want to say goodbye to these homeboys that are listening.
Speaker 2:Goodbye Coco-munity.
Speaker 1:And you know, good luck listening to future episodes. Huh, have a good night everybody.
