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Coco Off the Grid
Let's go off the grid and get silly with today's headlines, work dramas and the unexplainable actions of others.
Close your blinds, shut off your lights and put your phones on airplane mode because it's time to join me for another episode of "Coco Off the Grid."
Coco Off the Grid
Do Your Job Aliens!
Weekly chaos ensues as workplace drama unfolds with a difficult client who refuses to communicate properly and wastes everyone's time with hypothetical questions. A frustrating meeting highlights the disconnect between different company systems and the challenges of getting everyone on the same page.
• Client Brandon holding a meeting hostage for an hour with hypothetical questions and the follies that follow
• Standing desk finally delivered and perfect for working from bed
• Tracy Morgan's courtside vomiting incident delaying an NBA game
• Jonathan Majors controversy with resurfaced audio admitting to assault
• NASA astronauts returning after nine months in space looking dramatically aged
• Review of found footage horror film Apollo 18 about moon aliens
• Detailed breakdown of "Missing Couple" about influencers disappearing in nowhere Mississippi
• Quick reviews of "Cursed Friends" and "Novocaine" as movie recommendations
Close your blinds, shut off your lights and put your phones on airplane mode because it's time to join me for another episode of "Coco Off the Grid."
If you like this show and all it's shenanigans, please feel free to give a follow over on Twitch and Tiktok (it's more of this!)
Twitch: qweencocobean
Tiktok: cocoabean34
happy thursday, peeps. Here we are again. Another Thursday, another day, I guess. Another week of nonsense, another week of you know what's funny is I haven't had a lot to report back lately to you guys, and what's funny is that this week I have a whole bunch of nonsense to say. But again it still might be another short episode. I know one time I was able to do an hour Lately. It's become less and less.
Speaker 1:A couple things to report from work should be stupid to tell you, but I had a meeting with a client yesterday and this is the one that's been dicking around and not giving me the paperwork I need and just, you know, lying on their backs about everything and just pretending sorry, you're going to hear a lot of movement here Just pretending that they don't know that I've asked for information several times and it's the same information every time and they still pretend like they don't know that I need this shit. You know what I mean. Like they seem to forget that if you don't give me the information I need, I can't do my job. That's the only thing. So if you hold me up, you're holding up your entire process, and I have examples of that for the rest of the day. But I'm going to start with the simple one, which was yesterday. This client that's been fucking with me. We finally all got on a meeting and before I get into the details of the conversation of this meeting, I just want to preface this by saying that myself and the project manager who had issues this is the one I beefed with her on saying, with her saying that I was really aggressive to the client, which, no, my tone is very professional at work. And also like, if you don't like how I'm speaking to somebody, tell my manager, just let my manager deal with it. She's pretty chill, she knows I'm not an aggressive person and it's just I don't know she she can't get with the program or it was an off day or whatever it was. So this is that client. We fought over that client Not really fought, but like had a disagreement, and then she like smiles in my face like bitch, you said what you said. Now you want me to be your friend, anyway. So my manager's been out this week. Haven't really been taking advantage because there's no need to.
Speaker 1:The workload is still pretty consistent, still getting clients assigned to me on a weekly basis. At one point it was almost every other day and I was like what in the fuck's going on? Like me and this other girl on my team were like hey, how many clients do we have together? Like me and her and I was like I don't know, it feels like every other day we're getting some bullshit assigned to us. And she just laughs because she knows I'm right. One week we had like four clients assigned to each other. It's ridiculous. So hold on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so this client we had a meeting yesterday and me and the project manager who beefed, we had a call. We had a moment where we were like I can't get anywhere with this guy. His name's Brandon, he's the stage rep Can't get anywhere with him. He doesn't volunteer information, he's not helpful, he doesn't assist with anything and he tries to back out of things that are actually his responsibility. And it's like it's your responsibility to do your job, like it's my responsibility to do my job. And you know what's funny, I'm hearing this and I'm having such a fucking deja vu where I've probably mentioned this a million times on this podcast now, but it's like I'm not going to stop because I know what I need to do on my end. Do you know what you need to do on your end.
Speaker 1:So I think he got pissed off that we kind of went over his head and we're telling his supervisor that look, listen, in order for us to do what we need to do on the ADP side, he has to work with us from the SAGE side. We can't do both. So I think he was pissed off about that. So he came into the call yesterday guns blazing and he basically held me hostage for an hour, me and Angie Angie's awesome. He held us hostage for an hour in which he kept asking hypotheticals and Angie and I are like no, we need something in black and white. We don't do hypotheticals because it doesn't work. We can't just do ifs and maybes and shit and then it just not be.
Speaker 1:And the client is just like sitting in the background doing nothing, probably picking their nose or something or like whatever. And then of course you know they would interject, but they're talking amongst themselves. But it's like okay, bitches, mute yourself. You guys are in like offices across the hall from each other If y'all have something to say, because then he starts getting mad. Brandon starts getting pissed off that these people are talking while he's trying to convey something to us. Like he even got to the point where he said to them okay, guys, really stop doing that, because you're throwing other variables at the question. And my main question hasn't even been answered yet and I was like, oh fuck. I was like this guy's had enough of this whole shebang.
Speaker 1:Okay, this call was supposed to be 30 minutes or less. Usually they're less because he's never on them. 30 minutes or less Usually they're less because he's never on them. So, like I said, I got held hostage for like 45 minutes to an hour and then had to immediately run to my next one. And the worst part is is that the project manager, megan, fucking left. She left after like 35 minutes. Like she hit up the chat and was like sorry, I have to go, I have another call that I'm running late too, and she made me co-host, so that means I'm still running the meeting while she's gone. So I'm in charge of anything else and I'm not a project manager. So it's like, bro, you can't do that. Okay, you have to like side ping me and let me know you're doing that. This is like poor communication.
Speaker 1:So I'm fucking sitting there, I'm dealing with these hypotheticals and he's asking me questions about like the cost string numbers, which is how items get delegated in a general ledger, is there's a cost string number and it goes to a specific account, yada, yada, yada. I won't bore you with the details. So he's asking me and Angie, hypotheticals, and we're like, well, we're not, I'm not really even sure what you you're talking about, because what I was provided on the template. And he goes what are you even talking about a template for? I'm like, well, I provided a template to the client and they gave me account numbers and he was like well, what are these even what are these account numbers? And I wanted to be like bitch, are you fucking kidding? I sent this template over and you were supposed to look at this with Robert, which I was told a million times you guys were going to do in your calls, did you or did you not do your fucking job? That's what it comes down to. And I was side pinging Angie and I was like, bro, this guy has not done anything he said he was going to do in his emails and that was clearly evident and I hope it's in the recording. I even told her I was like I've never been made to feel so incompetent in my entire life and she was like oh, don't feel like that. And I'm like it's not even that, it's like. You know my brain's not where it should be.
Speaker 1:This conversation went on way too long. He's confusing me with the wording, because his wording is sage wording, my wording is ADP wording and he knows that. He acknowledged that. He's like but I'm not with ADP, I'm with Sage. So I'm trying to like there's like a disconnect.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we finally got down to it where we started, just answering him with yes, it should, it should work that way. And he was like well, can you confirm that it will? And I'm like not, without seeing it, no. So he was like well, we're, what we're trying to do is we're trying to confirm ADP's capability? And me and Angie are like and that's fine, but you're not really giving us anything concrete to work with. So once we have concrete information in front of us, we can surely give you an answer.
Speaker 1:I even told him at one point. I was like can I research this and circle back with you on it? And he was like like he didn't know what to do with that answer. And I'm like but, bro, you've been jumping down our fucking throat this whole time, so when I give you an answer. That's not straightforward. Now you're going to get upset and confused, bitch. You know what I said. What I said is I don't know right now that's what that answer is. I have your email, I'll reach out to you and of course you know, um, towards the end of it, when we finally got to an answer, you know the client then jumps in and is like well, we don't really need any of that.
Speaker 1:Like he made a big stink. He put in a whole show for everybody because he got probably butt hurt. That me and Megan were like he's not helpful. He's never on any of the calls with us. He's never da da, da, da da. It's not that he's never, he just doesn't volunteer to do anything. So it's like we can't do anything without you, bud. We're supposed to work together Like nevermind the client.
Speaker 1:The client gives me the information, that's fine. But if Sage and ADP are supposed to talk to each other, everything's supposed to look the same Okay, and if it doesn't, it's not going to work. So if you're not actively communicating with us and I've been trying to reach out to you to get you to help me and you don't answer, what do you think? That means the project doesn't get done Timely, by the way, because these clients are going live in April and we are almost done with March. So if we could figure out our fucking lives, our horoscopes, whatever you have to get your chakras aligned, whatever you have to do to make this project go on time, do it, motherfucker, because I'm not going to sit through another 45-minute meeting with you for you to try and fucking bash me in my role, even after the client interjects and finally says, hey, we don't need this.
Speaker 1:Like I was laughing because Angie goes yeah, why did the client wait till now to just say something? Let me see, she said every client's a learning opportunity. She made me feel so much better about what was happening yesterday Cause I was like bro, I feel so overwhelmed with everything he's saying to me. Let's see, why does he not know what what the need is? This is his role with them, not with us. Tell us what you need and then we can speak to it. That's what I'm saying. That was the thing yesterday. He's giving us like these hypothetical shits, like don't you know what the client needs? Haven't you sat with them? That's all you have done is sat with them, not us, and she's like she was like his hypothetical is going to convolute this. Tell him to ask it again. And I was like can you repeat that? Let me see? I even asked her.
Speaker 1:I was like wasn't he supposed to review the GL analysis template with the client? That's why I sent it. And she was right this hypothetical does not work for us, I said that's why I was confused as to what his confusion was. He's supposed to have all these account numbers and everything all together. Like I sent cop, like he had. He should have access to it because Robert has access to it. And Robert is like the head to it because Robert has access to it. And Robert is like the head person in charge okay, the head bitch in charge, and he apparently has been left in the dark about everything. And I've given everybody access to every document they're supposed to have access to. That has to do with General Ledger, anyway. So that was the thing that made me mad is that the client should be involved.
Speaker 1:And just because Brandon volunteered saying that he was going to be the voice for the client, that doesn't mean he's the voice for the client on everything. Because towards the end of the meeting the client was like, yeah, we don't need all that extra shit. And I was like, oh my God, we really just sat through this for an hour for this guy to be a fucking drama queen and yes, I mean drama queen. So cancel or not, let me see. Yes, that was pretty much it Like the client just sat back again flicking boogers or whatever, and me and this fucking guy, me Angie and this fucking guy are going at it while they just sit there in stunned silence. And I need to talk to Megan about this. Megan is out today, so when she comes back I'm gonna be like hey, bruh, what is this? A status call? Good, they moved it. What's this? Thursday, march 27th? That's better. Someone scheduled a fucking call at 4.30 and I'm like I leave at 4.30. So give me some notes, I guess, because I'm not staying an extra half an hour, because you guys don't know how to schedule things, like look at everybody's schedule and confirm Okay. So I finally.
Speaker 1:So my complaints, which was like two days ago, um, was that my desk was supposed to be delivered. My standing desk, it's like um, it's one of the things you see on TikTok a lot. It's uh, it's an over the bed desk, like you just swing the legs underneath it and you can work from your bed or whatever's comfortable, your couch, whatever. It also stands up so I can go pretty high with it. I was in the kitchen this morning making my breakfast, cleaning up and whatnot, like putting away dishes and whatnot. This thing is fucking perfect. This thing has me on lazy in bed for sure. Tomorrow anyway, if I didn't have to record the podcast today, I would definitely still be in bed with my cup of coffee. But here we are and I don't feel bad because I feel good. I feel energetic today, so probably going to bust through some video games in a little bit.
Speaker 1:My next meeting is at 12. But let me see, is it important? I don't even know if we're going to keep it, because the client has not reached back out to me as to whether or not they have done anything with the template I sent them last week. Like I sent the template on the 11th, which isn't even last week, is it? What the fuck was the first Last Tuesday? That's what it was. Okay. So last Tuesday I sent them the template and I don't know what's going on with these clients, that it takes them forever to get something done. But it's just significantly way worse for me to get my shit done if they don't do it.
Speaker 1:This is see. This is why I keep repeating this shit. I'm quick about mine, okay. So when you give me something to do and it has to not that it has to be done ASAP, it just needs to be done timely, efficiently, good, the first time around I don't have a problem with doing my job. Do yours. I'm asking you to do one thing. You've had this template over a week now. You also have not answered me as to whether or not you were able to access it. If there's any issues with the template, nothing. I've heard, absolutely nothing.
Speaker 1:So hopefully this 12 o'clock gets canceled, because this 12 o'clock isn't really with the client. It's really with Points North, which is their third party, which is another ledger they're using, which, I was told, isn't really a thing. That's like two ledgers for no reason. I was told that ADP should just be the only one. But Fuck it, none of my business, I don't work for them.
Speaker 1:The other part of it is that I like megan. She's good backup, she's tough, okay. So I think she and I have an understanding of how each other works now. Um, but it's just so funny because it's like she came over to me after the meeting we had last week and she goes. So what are we doing? I was like it sounds like we just proceed as usual. I send them the template for them to complete and I wait for this guy to send me whatever he's going to send me from points North that he needs to do his mapping. So I actually did some research on this and this is interesting because I'm very having transitioned from Upmarket to this a lot of research is involved.
Speaker 1:When you do customer service for that company, for this company, what you do is there's a whole like Wikidocs thing for those employees, for employees that work for ADP, and you use it like it's Wikipedia. You search for the thing you're looking for. It's in one centralized location and that's it. It's all the information you need to answer. Your question is right there, but you have to know the right keywords. That's the problem. Less is more, so, um, a lot of research goes into it. You have to play a lot of detective work. You have to like get your hands dirty and figure out what's going on. I know what I'm looking for when things happen, so I think I'm probably what I was told in the interview is that I'm a really good fit for the role because I know from a payroll service perspective which is what they call what I did before, from the service side of this to now being implementation, which puts things together and builds it that I know what I'm asking for, what I'm looking for Not true?
Speaker 1:Not true at all. There's a different process to things, but it's basically almost the same. So if someone gives me a question and it's not GL related, I'm always like tempted to answer the question. Now, when it comes to getting information, two points north, this is where I was going with this. This client, this third party, was asking for information and I was like well, how am I supposed to come about this? So I did some research in another program that we use to communicate with new clients and there's a document in there that has their general ledger summary up till like February 15th. Some of it is line by line, some of it is a summary, like the last 10 pages were summary.
Speaker 1:So of course, I go to Megan and I'm like all right, what should we do? Because they're getting a little stupid and impatient in my inbox and I kept telling her. I'm like did you see his last response, because sometimes they put stank on it for whatever reason, because they think that's going to frighten me. And everybody who's listened to this knows that I'm not afraid to deal with stupid ass clients. So, um, sorry about that. So he, uh, so he's asking for information. He's asked, he sent me a spreadsheet and he goes hey, I need this separated out by this, this and this, like there's columns of shit he's looking for.
Speaker 1:So I told Megan I'm like listen, okay, um, I really don't know if I should be putting this together because I don't know exactly what they're looking for, or should I give them the option to do it themselves and give them the data they're looking for? And she was like well, I'll let you respond to the email, um, cause I'm a little tied up. And she goes and you decide how you want to move forward. So I said okay. So I basically emailed the client and was like uh, I emailed the third point. The third point the third party company points North and was like hey, so I have what you're looking for, but if I'm to do this spreadsheet it might take some time, whereas I can just send you the data in a PDF and you guys can pick it apart willy-nilly, and they chose to not answer me Friday. And they answered me Monday saying that they would prefer me to send over the data. And I was like, exactly because I don't work for you guys and I don't know what you're looking for. So, yes, a good call there. So that was good. I have my good buddy, mary, bothering me about some shit. Yesterday, even though I told her how to do everything, she doesn't listen or, you know, doesn't take notes or anything like that, because I've shown her how to do the things she's asking to do. So now I have to get on a call with her today and her questions don't make sense to me. So that'll be fun at one o'clock to fuck around with this lady for an hour.
Speaker 1:In any case, some other things have come up in the news. Tracy Morgan delayed an NBA game by throwing up on in court side seats. I'm like bro in courtside seats. I'm like bro, keep it together, bitch, let's look this up, tracy Morgan. Vomit, vomit, vomit. Nicks is the craziest thing to come up as a first Google search. Let's see, stop, that's crazy. So on ESPN, let's just go right to some sports shit. That's crazy. So on ESPN, let's just go right to some sports shit.
Speaker 1:Tracy Morgan says food poisoning was to blame for his taking ill during Monday's Heat-Knicks game at Madison Square Garden and that he's doing okay. Bro, this picture is phenomenal. The actor-comedian posted an update on Instagram on Tuesday morning, along with a smiling photo from a hospital bed, thanking fans for their concern. Morgan also suggested humorously that perhaps his health episode spelled good luck for the Knicks. Throwing up all over the basketball court is good luck. I don't think so. Let's see. Thank you all for your concern. This is from the post itself. Thank you all for your concern. I'm doing okay now and doctors say it was food poisoning. Appreciate my MSG family for taking such good care of me and I need to shout out the crew that had to clean that up. Bro, the picture of him throwing up is just a fucking stream of vomit. He said appreciate you. More importantly, the Knicks are now 1-0 when I throw up on the court, so maybe I'll have to break it out again in the playoffs. It's fucking nasty Hashtag go Knicks. I'm doing okay now and doctors say blah, blah, blah, yep. Morgan vomited in the second half of Monday night's Heat-Knicks game, interrupting the action at Madison Square Garden with six minutes and nine seconds left in the third quarter while workers cleaned up the area around his seat. The delay lasted more than 10 minutes. The Knicks went on to win 116-95. All right, more than 10 minutes. The Knicks went on to win 116-95.
Speaker 1:Longtime Knicks fan, morgan 56, was featured prominently during the Saturday Night Live 50th anniversary weekend events at both the SNL 50 Homecoming concert and the live SNL 50 anniversary celebration special. He also has an upcoming untitled comedy pilot on NBC opposite Daniel Radcliffe, in which he plays a disgraced former football player looking to remake his image. He struggled with health issues in the past, including a 2010 kidney transplant and a traumatic brain injury from a 2014 accident with a tractor trailer that put him in a coma. He's got too much stuff going on and the fact that the stream of vomit is insane and someone caught it and it just looks like it went everywhere. Caught it and it just looks like it went everywhere. I just like how someone threw the vomit emoji next to Tracy Morgan shit. Like we know he threw up bruh. We know he threw up.
Speaker 1:Hold on a second, let me see. Had some orders order passed off to you? I don't, james. I'm not really in the mood. I'm not really interested at all. Uh, jonathan majors and Megan good got married. Um, I know, we all know that he doesn't seem like a good guy. Um, let me see Jonathan majors assault oh, I can't spell his name. That's cool, let's see. So here's the first thing, bro. Hold on, hold on. That's so crazy. So stop. I don't want this shit.
Speaker 1:Jonathan Majors reportedly admits to assaulting ex Grace Jabari and resurfaced audio. First of all, there was video of it happening, so we don't need your audio for that. So let's see. Jonathan Major's tumultuous relationship with Grace Jabari is back in the spotlight, as a resurfaced audio clip seemingly shows the former Marvel star confessing to assaulting his ex yeah, former Marvel star because of this. In the newly released audio clip obtained by Rolling Stone and published on Monday, majors reportedly can be heard admitting to strangling Jabari and pushing her against the car during a conversation with a British dancer and movement coach.
Speaker 1:Majors was convicted in late 2023 for attacking Jabari in a different incident during a car ride in Manhattan, which is a video I saw Per Rolling Stone. The couple's conversation was captured in the aftermath of a days-long fight between Majors and his then-girlfriend. The release of the audio comes just days before the much-anticipated premiere of Majors' film magazine Dreams his assault. I'm ashamed. I've ever Okay, I've never been aggressive with a woman before. I've never aggressed a woman. I aggressed you. Stop just saying words.
Speaker 1:Following his March 2023 arrest over domestic violence altercation, majors faced eight misdemeanor counts at trial involving assault, aggravated harassment and harassment. At the time, jabari alleged he struck her in the head with his open hand, twisted her arm behind her back and squeezed her middle finger until it fractured. You strangled me and pushed me against the car. Jabari says to Majors in the clip, to which Majors replies yes, all those things are under-aggressed. Yeah, that's never happened to me. What the fuck does that mean?
Speaker 1:Jabari later probes Majors for an explanation for the assault, asking the Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania star if he attacked her because she said something sarcastically in your eyes. In response, majors says well, clearly it's more than that. Okay, go on. We're missing some story here, something inside of you. Jabari says as a follow-up. Major's reply yeah, towards you.
Speaker 1:What the fuck is happening with this conversation? Am I in a fucking call, like a team's call that's just breaking up because there's no reception? What the fuck is happening with? Release the clip, for fuck's sake, because reading it feels like I'm going to have a stroke. I don't know what any of that means. I don't know what it translates to. Bitches are crazy. That's all I'm going to say. Bitches and that homie is crazy, anyway.
Speaker 1:So I also saw that they finally got these fucking people out of space. I think I talked about this a couple episodes ago. They finally got them out of space. They spent nine months. Nine months in space yeah, my allergies are kicking bruh. Before and after photos of stranded astronauts back on Earth reveal shocking impact of being stuck in space for nine months. That's so crazy. After a grueling nine months in space, it might not come as a surprise that the NASA astronauts that were stuck in orbit look a bit different. Yeah, they look like they're 90. Yeah, they look like they're 90.
Speaker 1:On Tuesday, march 18th, astronauts Barry Butch Wilmore and Sunita Suni Williams were brought back home to Earth aboard the SpaceX Dragon spacecraft after being stranded on the International Space Station since June of last year. Again, would rather pass away. Also saw a movie we're going to discuss in a second. Being away from home for so long is bound to have an adverse effect on their health, which NASA is clearly aware of, as we saw the team taken away on stretchers before they could even take a single step on land after their splash landing off the Gulf Coast near Tallahassee. Brett, they look good here. Let's see how they look on the way out.
Speaker 1:Yet aside from breathing actual oxygen from the air, wilmore and Williams are also feeling gravity against their bones for the first time in nine months, which comes with a long list of potential health worries. In itself, issues range from chicken legs and baby feet to an increased risk of cancer, as per the Daily Mail, with the astronauts not quite out of the woods yet from health complications. Now they are on home soil. While the pair are enduring a series of medical tests at NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston, some experts warn there are already some telltale signs that indicate a possible decline in their health. Some onlookers claimed before and after photographs of Wilmore and Williams appeared to show them as gaunt and having perhaps lost weight. Perhaps, perhaps Williams couldn't walk when she came out of the spacecraft. Insane, she looks 90.
Speaker 1:Under the surface, experts say they could have a buildup of fluids in their head due to pressure on their eyes and optical nerves which could affect their appearance. There's even a term for this Space flight associated neuroocular syndrome, sans, which is responsible for swelling in the optic nerve and causing blurry or fuzzy vision. While many astronauts' eyes return to normal when they come to Earth, nasa says some side effects. Bitch, get this ad out of my way. Bitch, get this ad out of my way. Bitch, get this ad out of my way. Jesus Christ, hold on, where was I now, bitch? Okay, now they got me fucked up.
Speaker 1:While many astronauts' eyes return to normal when they come to Earth, nasa says some side effects could be permanent and depends on how long the team can remain in space, which is concerning for the pair given their extended mission. As for their cognitive functions, the changing pressures in the brain, coupled with stress and lack of sleep, could lead to decline, as seen before in some astronauts. You know fucking shit, but microgravity presents the largest risk to the pair, as, without the Earth's pull, astronauts' muscles weaken over time and can mean they struggle to maintain a healthy weight. This also explains why the pair were unable to walk when they first landed on Earth. Despite their intense exercise regime and high-calorie diet aboard the ISS, they can still suffer from muscle atrophy, which could also be contributing towards their frail appearance. Towards their frail appearance. Then there's also SVT spaceflight venous thrombosis, which involves an upward fluid shift and can make the face look puffy, which is propelled by essentially hanging upside down Insane. Unfortunately. Nasa says most astronauts return to their pre-mission fitness levels after 45 days, though in severe cases it can take months or even a year to recover.
Speaker 1:Retired British astronaut Tim Peake said on Radio X for me going into space was no problem at all, but for the first two days on Earth I felt pretty rough. I think Butch and Suni will be feeling a bit rough right now. You know, the whole body is just getting used to gravity. The vestibular system's a bit messed up. You feel dizzy, a bit nauseous. So it'll take them a couple of days to get over that Couple of days.
Speaker 1:Couple of days to get over that. A couple of days. A couple of days is crazy, crazy. Ad blockers fucking the amount of ads, bro. That just like realign me on this page is stupid, but that's crazy. Sucks, would never go to space.
Speaker 1:And that segues into another perfect thing that happened. So yesterday, myself and Daniel-san over there, we watched fucking Apollo 18, a movie from 2011, which is a found footage, and Mike Flanagan said that this was a pretty creepy movie, okay. And then I found another one that me and the boyfriend are watching, but it's it's called hashtag missing couple. But we'll get into that in a second. So this movie had two I can't even hold on Apollo 17. Here we go. Was the last us sponsored lunar voyage or was it? Hours of found footage classified for decades point to a subsequent moon mission, apollo 18. That ended very badly, badly.
Speaker 1:Astronauts John Gray and Nathan Walker and Benjamin Anderson, on a mission to install radar scanners, discover a Soviet space capsule nearby. The men also discover a dead cosmonaut and, unfortunately for them, learn how he died. It's aliens. It's aliens. Spoiler alert, as if anyone needed that.
Speaker 1:Now, whenever we go to space, what's the actual problem? Aliens, bitch Aliens, aliens, aliens. Okay, you don't need to guess. You're like, oh, what could have happened? Like you, look at this fucking. First of all, if you look at the fucking movie poster, it's someone getting dragged away by what, or it's someone getting dragged away by what, aliens? So one guy gets infected, brings it aboard, starts getting crazy, then the thing gets loose in the fucking ship, compromising the unit, and then, of course, you know, the guy thinks he's going to save this other dude.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile, me and Dan are yelling at the screen like just poking holes in everything. Because, to be honest with you, the first question I ask is how the fuck did it get in his suit if it didn't puncture anything? Because if his suit is punctured, he really shouldn't be going out in space. Yeah, yes, I'm working tomorrow. Fucking James, bro, leave me alone, bro. Um, just got asked if I'm working tomorrow. It's fucking Friday, isn't it? What's happening tomorrow that I shouldn't be working? Um, so, yeah, so the guy thinks that he's going to be goody. Two shoes and I'm gonna save you, bro, we're going to go home. We're going to go home. He's like nah, you got to leave me shoes and I'm going to save you, bro, we're going to go home. We're going to go home. He's like now, you got to leave me here, I'm going to die.
Speaker 1:Like you can see, like he transforms instantly from a human looking person to someone that's maybe smoked too much weed in their lifetime. That's what you see. His eyes go crazy bloodshot. His pupils are super dilated, like it just looks insane. I'm not saving you, okay, the? When I tell you that if someone, if I go to space which is never going to happen because I've common sense. If I go to space and Dan is with me and this happens to Dan, dan dies. He gets left out in space until he just does that walk like in kill bill. When she does that five point stunner heart shit to him at the end he takes like five paces or three paces, however many it is, and his heart explodes in his chest. I'm watching Dan do that in space On the moon it looked like I'm watching him do it.
Speaker 1:And if I was to ever come off my ship that I'm on and see footsteps that are not mine and see footsteps that are not mine, I need to be like Houston. We have a larger than life problem, okay. We have the Jolly Green Giants dick size of an issue, okay. And you need to get me now. I need to be lifted off this bitch. Someone come get me. Like I'm not doing it, I'm not getting stuck out here, I'm not hanging out with this homie in here. Well, homie is going to be dead outside, so it won't matter. So my thing is is they went and explored way too much for people who have seen way too much on that planet. Okay, you're going to have to get me out. Just get me out. I'm not dealing with any of it.
Speaker 1:Like I said, smart people don't go to space, or the smartest people do think they'll survive it, and just this shit happens. But I think I'm a big fan of found footage shit. I like it because there's a different kind of intrigue there. Like I know, blair Witch was one thing, but I didn't fall into that craze Like I probably should watch it because it was iconic for its time and people still talk about it and there's even a game about it. That kind of made me weak, but I never fell into. Oh, I need to see Blair Witch.
Speaker 1:But that brings me to my next point, which is there's this movie called Hashtag Missing Couple and it's about a couple, man, man and wife, who are both influencers and they go off, they, they decide to hunker down in an actual cabin in Mississippi, no less. So I was poking fun at the boyfriend last night about that. Um, because that's where his you know, I guess his parents, dad lives over there, whatever. Uh, he's got family over there, I think. You know what, I don't even know, because as much as we say, hey, you're gonna go back to Mississippi or homeland, and he's like, no, no, I grew up in Pine Hills, florida and I'm like, okay, well, you know what, pick something, bruh or lose the accent. Are you faking this? Is this accent fake? Is this how you tried to get me? You got me already. You can pull it off, stop, anyway.
Speaker 1:So they go to, they buy this like rundown looking place that they plan on fixing up, and then, like a whole bunch of weird shit starts happening. But you don't see it at first. So we, uh, we see this couple and they're living their lives whatever. They give us like 10 minutes of footage of them. You know they lived van life so they could travel and fund their lifestyle and all that shit and they kept posting whatever, whatever. Then they finally, I guess, got enough money to buy a house. So they buy this broken down shit they're going to fix. Then it cuts out and it goes um at found people something. Hold on, I got a fucking. I'm sorry, I'm all over the place with this. Give me one second Missing couple. Here it is. So it says at Austin and Jana, that's their TikTok. And what's funny is things like this you know symbols and shit now and they blur them out anyway. So that's what I always thought was funny.
Speaker 1:This didn't get good reviews, but I watched bullshit anyway. Austin at Austin and Jana were a real life, hashtag van life couple on an adventure to renovate an abandoned farm in the middle of nowhere in Mississippi, cameras blazing. They chronicled their project on social media, but the farm was full of disturbing surprises, especially at night, someone or something was stalking the couple. So this guy comes and he's friends with them. Everybody's fucking making a thing out of it. It's crazy. This guy who's supposedly friends with them Apparently. I said there's a great ending, so I can't wait. So this guy who finds people that's what he does has his own page and he said it says right after they show them smiling and whatever it says.
Speaker 1:Immediately afterwards, uh, austin and janna went dark on social media and I was like, holy shit, babe, this starts off fast, huh. And it's the I think it's a found people report or some shit. That's the guy that goes looking for them. And it's one dude by himself who said hey, if anybody is interested in helping me find these people and is serious about it, I will DM you the address and you can come help me figure this out. But he goes by himself and I'm like does anyone have a weapon in this shit? Austin and Jana didn't, apparently, because they went dark on social media. Then this fucking guy shows up, doesn't have a gun, but at least Austin and Jana had a dog, so what happens to the dog? Okay, the way that angles are shot in this shit makes me so, it makes me angry. But it's also like, bro, you are out in wilderness, look behind you a little bit. Okay, and I know you're doing it on purpose and you're not looking behind you, but look behind you anyway. Um, my grandma saying good morning. Anyway, uh, my cousin Nikki is having some issues. She's in the hospital right now, uh, for a carotid dissection. So good vibes everybody. So, yeah, so this guy goes so far.
Speaker 1:We've watched maybe half of it before we passed out yesterday. And this guy goes, he uses a drone to scan the property. It's a lot of acreage. They have their own little lake, which they keep calling a pond, which I need to know. What quantifies a pond versus a lake, because that shit is huge to be a pond. A pond is like something I think that's in. You know those koi ponds you see in front of, like hibachi places. They're small. What I'm seeing as what this bitch keeps referring to as a pond is not a pond. That shit could be an ocean if it wanted to. That's how big it is. It's not because no ships, but like it's too big to be considered a damn pond. Okay, they show them swimming in it too, and something grabs the dude and we're like, what the fuck? What would have grabbed him at the bottom? An octopus? I'm stupid. Uh, the other thing, um, oh, my God. So the guy is by himself. He does the drone footage. They see everything. And he goes oh, there's their car. It doesn't look like there's been any human activity in a while. Let's go take a look.
Speaker 1:This man leaves his car at the gate and walks down this long ass probably mile long driveway to get to the house. Finally, and I'm like, bro, take the car. Why would you leave the car there? You just droned over this entire fucking property and you know it's a long walk. What are you doing? This is why I can't watch these.
Speaker 1:So he gets to the house, the front doors unlocked, which the hell no, and he starts walking around. He's like, oh, a little bit of dirt here, like a thin layer of dirt right here, and we're like okay, bro, stop cleaning, stop cleaning and get to it. He just like walks around the house, he looks for anything he could find. He actually found, walking up to the house, he found Jana's iPhone, and this is why I laugh. It's because they blurred out the Apple symbol when he finally was able to get a charge on it. Like we don't know it's an iPhone. I'm like what are y'all doing? Do you just stop? Like it's so obvious it's an iPhone. What are you blurring it out? For what? Only Apple phones turn on this way anyway. So he plugged it in, he got a charge on it. He starts watching footage.
Speaker 1:But this man does not set up shop in the house. He sets up a tent away from the house, a tent, not even anything to defend himself with. Like this is like after he's moved his car off the road and all this shit. So he parked, finally in the driveway, near the house, I think. But he was like, let me move my car away, but that's not the problem. So he, he sets up a tent, okay, and like, you set up a tent, he sets up a fire outside the tent and he's sitting there and he's watching some of the footage with his back to nature. I was like, bro, your back is to the fucking galaxy. Okay, bro, um, what are you doing? Anybody could run up on you at this point.
Speaker 1:We've seen some more footage of you know, austin and Jana getting um accommodated to the house. They start gardening, like they do, start doing cute shit that you would do when you first get a house like that, starting to fix everything up. The only thing that bothers me is they didn't get any curtains so like everybody can see into the house. So that's fucking weird. That'd be the first thing I get. Like even when I moved apartments I was like, okay, does this one have blinds too? And it does. But also I need curtains because the way the sun beams on my bedroom it looks like I'm sleeping on the sun. So I've even showed pictures to my mom and she goes do you have lights on in there? I'm like, nope, that's just sunlight and I have curtains up in there. That's funny. So she gave me curtains that I have yet to put up and I've had them, I think, for three weeks now. I think that's when I saw my grandmother last, because we all met up there, yeah, so that's what we've seen so far.
Speaker 1:The guy was using their trail cameras. He set up some dog treats to see if anything comes by. We got to a part where the husband Austin because it flashes back and forth, so it goes to current time where someone is looking for them, and then, previous to that, which is, you know, flashing back to the footage of the couples taken of the house so far. So they, um, he said, oh, my wife's out on a run, he's like janna's out on a run right now, and I just want to take a look at the cameras, because the cameras, the trail cameras, were set up by austin and janna. So he goes, so he's looking at the footage and everything and he sees nothing. On the trail he saw a couple deer. He said two of them ran off, whatever.
Speaker 1:And then, um, he looks at the one that's pointed towards the house and there's like a dark fucking figure walking toward the house and earlier in one of the previous videos that the dude that's looking for them found, the bitch said she couldn't find her toothbrush. Where did the guy take her toothbrush? I'm like uh-uh, if I know my toothbrush is in the bathroom and I never move it from there because where am I going? I'm leaving A random thing like a toothbrush being missing is insane to me. And you have all those doors that have deadbolts on them. Which one is unlocked, bitch? Anyway, the guy who's looking for them even points out. In the first preliminary walkthrough of the house you can see a dude's face in the window and I didn't catch that. And my boyfriend goes oh shit. And I'm like what, what? But I can't wait to finish it. I think it's going to be good.
Speaker 1:I saw something on Reddit without ruining it for myself that said that the ending is really good. So I hope so, but it got bad reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. But I just watch it anyway. It's on Tubi, it's for free, so I'm watching it with ads, which is fine. But one more movie review and then I'm done. We watched Cursed Friends yesterday and that shit was ridiculously stupid. I wish I'm telling you, me and Dan should just do a fucking podcast where we review shit. It would be dope, it would be really funny. We make each other laugh anyway. So I'm gonna just give you a synopsis of what the movie was about and we can all slowly giggle together.
Speaker 1:It's called Cursed Friends. Four childhood friends, now in their 30s, awaken on Halloween after a drunken reunion and realize a future predicting game of MASH that they played in 2002 has become their new reality. So this lady who's played by fucking, what is her name now? God damn it. I just closed out of it. Wait, wait, wait, wait. The cast cursed friends. Let's see who plays. So nikki glazer plays is in it. Kathy griffin plays the lady who gives them the book. The mash book by stacy friendship is what it. Kathy Griffin plays the lady who gives them the book. The mash book by Stacy friendship is what it's called. There were so many people in it that I was like what the fuck? The Spanish, little Spanish guy that plays Guillermo and what we do in the shadows, isn't it? And um, who else? Isn't it? Rob Riggle, which, by the way, what a fantastic name. The way, what a fantastic name, rob Riggle. Nicole Byer is in it. Nicole Richie's in it. Forgot about that.
Speaker 1:Joey Fatone being in it was by far one of the best scenes in that movie, because Nicole Byer predicts that she's going to be a wrestler with really long nails and marries Joey Fatone. So here's what they did. They got back together in her house that she grew up in and I forget the chick's name. God damn it. I hate not knowing things. So they all get together. So it's Jessica Lowe who plays the main chick, andy, played by Harvey Guillen, josh is her brother and Nicole Byers' character. All four of them get together and they're called the Core Three, which makes no sense because there was four of them. So they get together and they recite the fucking poem in the front of the book again, which basically sets all this in motion. They wake up the next day and everything that they wanted when they were younger in 2002 comes true now, in current age. So if they hadn't done the poem, they would have been fine.
Speaker 1:So the funniest part about it was Joey Fatone being in it, because he walks into the sub shop where Nicole Byers character is working and it is the most perverted thing I've ever seen about an Italian sandwich, an Italian sub, and he goes. She goes, he goes. Is it wet? I don't know, I don't remember. She says if I could be or whatever, it's just so, oh, and she's like squirting mayo everywhere. He's like I'll see you later. It was the most sexual thing you could do with a sandwich. Oh, my God, I was. So I don't know what's happening with me, but I get like so, like my skin hurts. So watching stuff like that, I was even telling Dan and Dan's like silent but he's probably cackling on mute and I'm like what the fuck is going on? This is. So he goes, I am loving it and he's like out of breath and laughing and I'm just like bro, what the fuck are we watching? This wasn't even like a banger and this shit turned out. This is why I watch bullshit. This is why I watch bullshit.
Speaker 1:Watch all the bad things you're not supposed to watch, because you get gems like this every once in a while. You get the gems, okay, and that was a hidden one and I'd been wanting to watch that for a while. I just forgot the name of it and then I found it on Paramount. I think it was really funny. So if you get a chance, it's called Cursed Friends. So the three movies I named, no, apollo 18, missing Couple and Cursed Friends. Just watch those. Those were. So Apollo 18 was kind of meh because we were just pissed off at all the plot holes in it. And Missing Couple I'm still working through, so I can't tell you how amazing it's going to be, but I can't wait to finish it. So if I'm excited about it. It's probably going to be good.
Speaker 1:Um, I don't usually tense up in movies like that, but I also don't like when people have their back to things, like the guy that's looking for Jana and Austin. It has his fucking back to everything, including the front door, like he sits down in their kitchen and has his back to a door. I currently have my back to a door, but I'm looking every now and then. If I hear something strange, I'm turning around and that's the other thing. He's watching video of their like video footage by a campfire. So you can't hear shit behind you if you're doing that. And I kept waiting for fucking like eye movements. I was like, ooh, what was that? And my boyfriend goes it was probably fucking like a lightning bug, like. I was like all right, all right, but I'm like trying to see things, because that's one of the things you miss is, if you don't look at the background, you miss what's going on. You can't just focus on the person, because that's how you get jump scared and I'm always like I'm clocking everything, clocking, just looking around like hey, what's that? Hey, what's that, hey, what's that, anyway. So I hope you guys had fun listening.
Speaker 1:Sorry that this seemed short, but I'm trying to watch more movies and stuff. Oh, wait, wait, wait. What else did I see? Oh, we watched Novocaine. One more thing we watched Novocaine. Who the hell's coming up with these things? Novocaine was ridiculous. It had um, god damn, I never remember names anymore. Novocaine, here it is. We watched it this past Sunday because the boyfriend had to work on Saturday. Jack Quaid I never remember his name, but I know that he's Dennis Quaid's son. Dennis Quaid is fine that he's Dennis Quaid's son. Dennis Quaid is fine. Jack Quaid is in it. Didn't realize that Jack Nicholson's son was in it until the end, actually, not even till the end Yesterday. It was either yesterday or Tuesday that I figured that out.
Speaker 1:The guy from Spider-Man, the Asian friend, jacob Batalon Nice name, betty Gabriel's in it, and she was in. It wasn't Get Out, was it? She was? Oh, fucking shit man. I don't remember anything for anybody anymore. She was in, get Out. Yeah, she was one of the ghosts he kept seeing. But Novocaine was cool.
Speaker 1:Basically, what it is is this guy has some neurological disorder where he can't feel anything and he's a assistant bank manager where there is a fucking bank robbery and they take the girl that he's into that he finally hooks up with, but I won't tell you anything more than that. But he gets hurt a lot and the way he gets hurt is really funny. Also, if you haven't seen the monkey and you like exaggerated killings, that's it. That's a good one, but in any case. So that's all I wanted to say. Novocaine was really good. So that's four movies I mentioned in this podcast and that's a lot. So love you guys so much. Thank you so much for listening. I'm going to go drink some water and some more coffee and that's it. Love you guys. Bye, thank you.
