Building Psychological Safety Through Emotional Intelligence in Leadership | EP 23

You've walked out of meetings wondering why something felt off, right? The agenda was clear, expectations were set, projects were outlined but somehow, your team seemed distant. Not resistant, just... quiet. No pushback, but no questions either. That subtle disconnect where you can't quite put your finger on what's wrong, but you know alignment didn't land the way you hoped. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone, and you're definitely not imagining it.

In this episode, we discuss the often-overlooked leadership skills that exist between the words we say and the environment we create. We explore how social awareness and empathy aren't just nice-to-have soft skills, they're essential tools for building psychological safety, increasing team engagement, and creating workplaces where people actually want to contribute. 

From understanding why your team adapts in silence to learning how to read the signals before turnover becomes your biggest expense, this conversation gets real about what it takes to lead with emotional intelligence. You'll hear personal stories about being the overlooked team member whose ideas were dismissed, parenting lessons that translate directly to workplace dynamics, and practical strategies for asking better questions and genuinely listening to the answers.

What to Listen For in This Episode:

The gap between clarity and connection: Discover why being clear with your instructions isn't enough if your team doesn't feel emotionally safe around you. People respond to how safe they feel, not just what you say, and understanding this shift from logic-only leadership to emotional reality can transform your team dynamics and reduce costly turnover.

Empathy without over-accommodating: Learn the critical difference between building trust through empathy and lowering your standards to protect comfort. We break down how to hold honest conversations, even the hard ones about whether someone's in the right role, while still making space for people to show up as their whole selves at work.

The power of pause and open-ended questions: Silence makes most leaders uncomfortable but waiting five seconds before rushing to fill the quiet can reveal who's struggling, who's disengaged, and what your team actually needs. You'll get practical examples of how to observe, ask better questions, and truly listen to create an environment where people feel heard and valued.

When your team goes quiet, what do you assume and what might change if you

Transcript

You're listening to Entrepreneur Encounter, the podcast where soft skills meet real talk for creative business owners who are building with purpose. I'm Dana, a Pinterest marketing strategist and agency owner helping wedding pros and creative entrepreneurs get seen without burning out. And I'm Sarah, a business and team strategist who helps small teams and podcasters communicate clearly, lead with empathy and grow sustainably. Together we're unpacking the messy, side of entrepreneurship.

from boundaries to burnout, leadership to listening, so you can build a business that actually fits your life.

Have you ever walked away from a meeting thinking, I was clear. So why does something fill off within the team or with yourself? Password explained, expectations were set with the upcoming projects and yet the team feels quiet or hesitant, maybe even disengaged. Not necessarily that someone pushed back, but no one asked questions, but somehow alignment still didn't land. Like what?

it's off but you don't know what it is like you just can't pinpoint that thing. Today we're going to talk about social awareness and empathy and the leadership skills that live between the words that are coming out of your mouth or being written in the email. Before we get into it make sure you hit subscribe so you don't miss future episodes and as always all of our information is in the show notes down below. You can now follow us on LinkedIn at entrepreneur encounter.

Yeah, I definitely, I've led meetings when no one said anything. And to me, that made me leave the meeting questioning, was I clear enough? Like I've led workshops, I've been in meetings and, and no one said anything. And what's to be is like, that's why you're having a meeting so that people give you feedback. So that leads to why leaders often

you know, ask this question quietly, what is my team seem checked out when I'm being clear? And clarity is important, but clarity without awareness can still miss the mark because people don't respond to instructions. They respond to your tone, your energy, and if they feel emotional safety with you. And if leaders aren't aware of how they're showing up, teams adapt in silence and

That in itself is what hit home for me because I know sometimes my tone, my energy, like I've, I know that I could be very monotone. I'm not an animated person. Sometimes I do talk with my hands. Other than that, I worked in like this nonprofit and I would lead workshops and I'm trying to figure out like, why is nobody like engaged? until I started doing activities, then they were engaged like.

But I get, you know, just trying to figure out that part. So yes, I've been on the other end of meetings or workshops where I wasn't engaged because, you know, there was nothing for me to say. So we have to figure out like what that is. Like, how are we showing up as a leader? Do you feel like there's a balance between the two? Because we have to give instructions so we can't be too fluffy or too stern.

without actually giving the instruction. So there is, I feel like a fine line between the two that I personally am still working on as I'm trying to grow a team and keep a team. So here's the reframe, whether it's your mindset or anything, but we need to shift from logic only to emotional reality as well. Trust is emotional before it is logical. People decide how safe it is to engage long before they decide what to say.

So how do you make people feel in your meetings, whether it's the standup meeting or a quarterly planning session, whatever it is, that's why with I Follow the L10 EOS system, that meeting starts with a five minute win, basically something that you are proud of, happy about, successful in personally or professionally, and everyone shares. So it just sets off the tone of the meeting.

And it is emotional because we want to celebrate you. And if we celebrate you, then logically now we're going to follow through with the next things and we can take the emotional out of the task and updates because maybe we're behind. But because we started on a positive note, that social awareness about creating that environment, it's just much a better environment altogether. Exactly. When you recognize that in your team,

when you recognize that with whomever you're working with, know, your coworking space, a partner that you have, and you recognize the fact that they're doing great or they get to share a personal or professional win, they feel better in that space. Like they're asking for validation. Like I'm not, knowing the fact that I get to say it out loud, like, hey, I was able to, I won this or I did this and I feel great about it. Like, and sharing that.


It's great to be able to do that. you want to make sure that you're making whomever's in your space feel safe. Social awareness is the ability to notice what isn't being said. Social awareness is the ability to notice what isn't being said. It's the pause before someone answers, the shift in energy, the questions that never get asked. Empathy helps you interpret

those skills without making it personal. I think social awareness also starts with observation. I know we've talked about a little bit before with regulating ourselves and just pausing, but pausing to observe as well really can make a big difference. We're not jumping in to fix something. We're not feeling silence too fast. And I'll raise my hand for that one. I do not like awkward silences.

So even during our weekly mastermind at the co-working space that I'm a part of, like if the person leading the meeting that week is asking a question and no one answers in like five seconds, I'm like, I got something. But I do pause for at least five seconds. I don't like rush to answer, but I don't do awkward silence. So it is also helpful during moments like that. But to notice

Who's quieter than usual? Because there's always like the same people that like to share in a good way. We love learning from each other. But taking that pause before I speak, who isn't answering like they normally do? Who has stopped contributing? Who is, or if you're in a team meeting, who is agreeing quickly but then never follows up? These are signals, not necessarily problems, but they're signals and you have to learn how to read them.

because someone that's quieter than usual, and maybe they're having a bad time personally, maybe a client was mean to them and they haven't shared it with you yet. You don't know, but we have to figure that out. And that kind of starts with asking questions, but also being aware and observing your team, your network, everything. I was in several meetings before I started my business and one of the jobs that I had.

And I used to contribute a lot in the meetings. used to speak up and say things and then I stopped because nothing that I said apparently did not matter. so I was like, I'm not going to show up in these meetings anymore to like, you know, give feedback or give like my two cents on certain things because I honestly felt like I was brushed off to the side. But you know, it's so funny is that somebody maybe months later came up with the same idea.

same suggestion and that feedback was taken the leadership ran with it and went along with it. So it's like to me and that is a perfect example like why one team member that used to show up all the time is now not not engaged doesn't want to give feedback because it's like I don't I don't want to compare it to this but like comparing it to like you know when you're in elementary school and then like you're the kid that's

left alone by themselves on the bench because nobody wants to play with them anymore. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, and I knew that by the end of my time there, I knew it wasn't me because leadership sucked in that spot that I was in. So it's like, you have to be aware of the people that are around you because if there are signals and you're ignoring them, then you're not there for your team. Your team is not feeling safe with you. Yeah.

Well, and then that's where you were saying earlier, they start to transition in silence or what was it? I love my brain. Adapt in silence. And sometimes that adaptation looks like no longer being a team player. They're just clocking in and out. They're not really there for the success of the organization or they're adapting to find another position. Like it could be a variety of things. And then now you have high toner of a rate, which is also costly in the long run, because you have to

You to train someone. You have to pay to search for a new candidate. Like there's a lot of costs that go involved with that when as leaders, if we just take a few moments to read the signals of our current team, long-term longevity is amazing in multiple ways, multiple reasons. So let's segue. Let's talk about something that gets confused a lot. And I know we've had previous episodes over the years about this, but empathy is not over accommodating.

Empathy doesn't mean we're lowering our standards or avoiding accountability. It means that we are understanding how someone experiences the work without carrying it for them. And I know that's really hard for me. I have a hard time letting go of things. So I like, we're working on that. That's the thing that I am working on going into 2026 is not doing 90 % of the work and letting them only do 10. I need them to do a lot more than that because I have lofty goals.

But over accommodating protects comfort. So empathy builds trust. I want to build trust in my team. I want to empathize with them. But at the end of the day, they have expectations. They have an SOP. I've trained them as much as I can. Now it's just allowing honest conversations, even the hard ones of are you the right person for this job or do I need to find something else that best accommodates your skill set and your interests?

but still allows my company to grow in the ways that I see it. I need to navigate it. Also, what's that saying? Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Yes, welcome all in someone else's shoes. Yeah, you know, you never know what someone else is going through. I mean, yes, for example, right. So somebody's task is due today. Like there was something that was due today, but then it wasn't turn in. And then so now you're like, OK, what's going on? Do you?

fire them right off the bat. Like this person didn't get their tasks done or like have a conversation with them and see what's going on. So one of the team members I have on one of my teams, there was like, think there was two tasks that were late. And I said, Hey, just wanted to get an update on this. was pregnant. He became a dad. yeah. So there was a couple of assignments that were due I think last week. I just like in a sauna, it's like, Hey, just wanted an update. Like, you have like, what's the status on this? It wasn't saying like,

Hey, this is due. Like I wasn't like mean about it. I just wanted to get an update and yeah. So his wife had a baby and we didn't know this. Well, just it is fine. Like you're a contractor. Like there's, mean, some people are not open about certain things and that's fine. And I'm all like, oh, that totally makes sense. So instead of saying, Hey, like we don't want you as a contractor anymore just because you missed two days. And this is why we set tasks.

for due dates that are two, three weeks in advance, so things get done and we have that time to accommodate certain things. So this is why that you need to have conversations with people, show empathy. Yes, your team needs to hold themselves accountable for things that they need to do, but just because somebody was late, clocking in, just because the task is a day late,

You can't just assume the worst and just say, like, I don't want you on my team anymore. You know? Yeah. Well, and then learning opportunity, like this is where the accountability comes in. If you have personal things that are going to be pulling your time or attention, let your team know.

And I don't know, like, there's a lot of guessing. don't know if this is their first kid. So he thought he could totally manage it or, you know, he's done this before and not other kids was like, what's one more? Because as mom of five, what is one more at this point? But there's always a shift, whether it's your first kid or your fifth kid. Yeah, there's always a slight shift no matter what role you have, mom or dad. And just let your team know.

Ha

goodness. Psychological safety doesn't mean that everyone feels happy all the time. Again, just like we've talked before, like we're not supposed to be calm all the time. We're not going to be happy all the time. If you are happy all the time, I'm concerned. And I want to start thinking you're wearing a mask and internally you're not regulated and you need support. So having an environment, showing that empathy, creating space for psychological safety means


that people on your team, even your clients, feel safe to speak up, ask questions, and make mistakes without fear. Leaders create that safety through consistency, curiosity, and regulation. So what you do, just like a ripple effect into everywhere else in your business, asking questions, getting curious, not, I do this? But how can we achieve this big goal? How can we

navigate through this big goal without stress or with minimized stress because without stress is already not a smart goal. It's an unrealistic. And then how can we consistently show up and do the things that we need to do when we know life is going to get in the way? If you have kids, whether you homeschool or they're in traditional school, like you have a calendar of days off, you know, when summer break is and is not like we can consistently plan our

tasks around the navigating parts and the moving parts that is having children. Or if you are taking care of aging parents and they have lots of doctor's appointments, those are already well scheduled out. Make sure they're on the calendar. So when you review each week with your team, hey, I will not be in the office. So we need to adjust. you going to be speaking a lot this year? You're going to be doing more PR things. Those are also already on the calendar. Make sure they're there and make sure your team is aware of them.

Make sure your clients are aware of them so that they know it won't be you emailing. It might be someone from your team emailing, but please do not disregard it because that's gonna keep projects and timelines moving forward consistently and keep everyone regulated to the best of their ability so that no one feels like they need to shut down, rush, or dismiss any concerns. The teams.

You as a leader and your team can respond with openness instead of defensiveness They can lean in to you and your guidance on how to best accomplish the things that you have in the works So, you know we can put this into practice I want to preference when we say team It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have a whole set of people on your team Like Dana and I are in a team you can have your you know, somebody that's working, you know your business partner


You can have one person on your team. So anybody that's in your space, like your clients is part of your team. Your networking group is part of your team, whomever that you have in your workspace and you're in your space, I would consider a team. So what can leaders put into practice? You you can ask open ended questions and wait, let silence exist without rushing to fill it. You're allowing...

whoever you're asking a question to give them space to kind of like think about it, you know, because typically when you ask like a yes or no question, that's the end of the conversation. So having, you know, asking open-ended questions allows for more in-depth conversations. It's going to help you reflect back what you're hearing. So why are you having a bad day today? Oh, you're having a bad day because you didn't get enough sleep last night. And then I know that's a poor example, but

So well, then you can follow it up with another open ended question. Why didn't you get an absolute bus night? Yep. Are you overwhelmed with something? Are you, did you, are your kids sick? Is your husband sick? Is your, is your cat sick? That opens up like let silence exist. And there's again, calling myself out without rushing to fill it. Ask that one question and almost like bartender level just sit there or stand there and wait.

And then when, when that person answers you back, then you listen, truly listen to them so that you can say, Hey, here's what I'm noticing. Right? So I'm noticing that you are saying that you're not getting enough sleep because you're overwhelmed. It sounds like maybe this is happening. So then maybe give a suggestion like, okay, here's what I'm noticing. It sounds like you're overwhelmed. So what if we do this? What if I take tomorrow's task away from you so that you can chill out for

the day and not have to worry about that. How does that sound? like, it's like this, you know, going back and forth, ask the open-ended question and then come up with a solution to reflect on what they're saying. Because when you're aware, like asking open-ended questions helps with awareness, helps with empathy, because you're going to be more aware of how you are and how you react to things. Because if somebody says to me, like, you know, if I'm like, how are you today?


And like, I'm really tired. like, okay. And I leave it at that. you know, like, but knowing how to show empathy and like being aware and showing that for the person and asking those open ended questions is going to help the people feel safe in your space. And it's going to help with the long run of whatever is going on. One of the things that I say often to my kids, for the most part, I know I bring them up a lot and I'm sorry, but soft skills are for everybody. Doesn't matter how old you are.

is treat the other person, everyone else the way you want to be treated. So if you are grumpy and cranky and whatnot, would you want, I'll say, I'm not using me as an example. Do you want me to see you being grumpy and cranky and just walk by and ignore it? Or do you want me to come and care for you and take care of you and ask what's going on and help you solve that problem? They always want me to come and help them. Exactly. Sounds like then you need to do the same thing for them.

And you got to the open ended questions or even the follow up open ended questions. Cause maybe they need a little bit more safety pushing to like really share. Cause the first time you ask someone, we don't know if you're actually going to listen. It could be, Hey, how are you doing today? And then no one, you know, typically when you ask someone that we all know that you don't want to know you want me to say fine. And we keep it moving, you know, like crossing each other. I want you to genuinely tell me, I don't care if you are a stranger on the street. And so.

I recently, my youngest son, putting this into real practice and reflection, my youngest son was struggling with putting the lighted garland around his tree. Like I said, I was telling Sarah earlier, before we started recording, I have garland everywhere because of past Christmas projects. And so like we were getting really creative and he wasn't getting it exactly how he needed it or was like envisioning it in his head. And be mindful, he is seven.

Not to do the math which kid he was. He's seven years old. And so he already like, he knows he's frustrated, but he does not a voice exactly what it is. Cause he's seven. My oldest kids who are 11 and 12 were in there and kind of talking, but they both were covered by their like bed fort things. So couldn't see him, but they're like, why don't you do this? Why don't you do that?

Why don't you ask for help? And I'm like, so I was listening to it from another room and I was like, okay, well, they're at least trying to engage. But eventually like too much time had passed and I go in and I'm like, none of you are helping him. None of you are showing empathy because you're, yes, you're talking to him, but that's the same. Like I said, treat people the way you want to be treated. If you are struggling and someone's only offering you verbal advice without even looking to see what the problem is to fully understand that's like,

Walking by a pool and seeing someone drowning and you just throw a life raft beside them and you're saying hey go get the life raft Go get it. It's right there. You just have to swim to it. They're drowning. They're never gonna get there He's drowning in his emotions right now because something isn't working and y'all are just getting snippy with him because he's not doing something exactly how you say it But you have no idea what he's already tried where he would that's not nice. That's not kind and that's not helpful

It's not genuinely helpful. So was like, you didn't ask a question. You were just giving advice without fully understanding. Ask those open ended questions and then wait for him to respond. Maybe even get down from your bed so you can see what he's trying to show you because he's going to be more visual in trying to show you what he's trying to accomplish with hanging these lights. And we went back. So I went back and forth and we finally got it all figured out.

But even then I asked him another opening question because I hung him up to the best of my understanding of what he wanted. was like, is this what you mean? And I sat in silence and waited for him to answer because of course he had to analyze it and things. He was like, no, but I still like it. So we were done with it. We wiped our hands and we moved on. You still ask questions. Yeah. mean, you know, adults are not that different, you know. We're not.

one thing when it comes to like, you know, trying to figure things out, like my kids, I'll get in their face. Like I'll step down to their level, like to get in, like to see them like in. I see what you mean now. That is a big one though. And yeah, so I think like when we're talking, you know, to our kids, like I try to get on their level. So like when I'm talking to an adult, I'm trying to get on their level because my experience and your experience are vastly different.

And sometimes it's not. We as humans have all been through some something good, bad, whatever it is. Right. So when you have conversations and they feel safe with you to start sharing things and that triggers a memory in your mind and like, wait, like I've been there before. Hey, so I see that you're going through this. went to something similar and this is what I did to help. Would this help you? If not, let's figure something else out. So.

you know, showing empathy, putting yourself in those shoes of the other person, because you never know. You never know what that person's going through. And it's so weird when people that have been in your shoes do the complete opposite thing. So I'm not going to get too much into it, but long story short, when I was working in a place I used to work at, my boss got mad at me because I caught out of work three times in a row because my kid was sick. Mind you, she has kids and she was

not putting herself in my shoes. She was doing the complete opposite. It's like sometimes we're never going to truly understand everybody's mindset, but this is why I'm very open to having conversations. having like having an open dialogue with people that are in your space helps tremendously. through all of that, good empath and hilarious. Here's something for our listeners to reflect on when your

team goes quiet. What do you assume? And what might change if you got curious about that silence instead of making assumptions? Yes, they curious. I'm always curious. I ask a lot of questions. Yes, we both ask a of questions. People don't just listen to what you say. They respond to how safe they feel around you.

Whether you're growing your visibility through Pinterest marketing or streamlining your podcast operations and team management, we help you build systems that work for you and not against you. As always, all of our information is in our show notes. Until next time. You can now follow us on LinkedIn at entrepreneur and.

Thanks for spending time with us today. If something in this episode gave you a fresh perspective, share it with a friend or send us a DM. We love hearing how these conversations land with you. And if you're curious about how Soft Skills can support your next season of growth, we each have more resources to share. You can find Dana on Instagram at danas.desk.nc for Pinterest strategy and intentional marketing. And Sarah at UR Rembert for team development business leadership.

and podcast support. Until next time, keep leading with purpose and growing with intention.