Emotional Intelligence in Leadership: How to Navigate Conflict Management Without the Drama | EP 24

It happens. You’re halfway through your workday and feel drained. Drained from all the decisions, the client's work and everything else that has come your way. Now you see you need to discuss a difficult situation and you’re not ready. You end up rehearsing what you’ll say but may feel stuck. We have been there with this internal battle of thinking it’s going to be quick. We share our stories of those hard conversations with team members and clients. Conflict isn’t the problem; it's our relationship with it. 

In this episode, we'll explore why hard conversations feel heavy. Along with how to approach them with clarity instead of fear. There's this reality where leaders tend to avoid conversations. It's not because of the conversation itself but how it will make them feel afterwards. Emotional Intelligence is about managing relationships. It's about separating facts from emotions. Along with creating a safe space for those hard conversations. You want to stay curious; not defensive. Addressing issues from the start will transform tension into trust.

What to listen for in this episode:

The Reality Check on Conflict Avoidance: There are times when leaders will rehearse conversations in their heads. This will drain you. But why? We also reflect on what has happened with emotional energy. Along with why it's important to write down your frustrations to get them out of your head. 

Emotional Intelligence as a Leadership Superpower: Why it's important to separate facts from emotions. The importance of staying curious vs defensive in hard conversations. And why disagreement doesn't mean disrespect. Everyone has different ways of communicating and we have to create a safe space. 

Building Trust Through Uncomfortable Conversations: To lead with intention, do know there will be conflicts but understand how to navigate them. Of course, everyone has feelings, but you need to know how to prevent resentment. By doing this you're building relationships that's built on trust.  

The best leaders don't avoid hard conversations—they approach them with emotional intelligence, turning tension into trust one honest conversation at a time. What conflict are you avoiding right now, and what might change if you approached it with clarity instead of fear?

Transcript

You're listening to Entrepreneurial Encounter, the podcast where soft skills meet real talk for creative business owners who are building with purpose. I'm Dana, a Pinterest marketing strategist and agency owner helping wedding pros and creative entrepreneurs get seen without burning out. And I'm Sarah, a business and team strategist who helps small teams and podcasters communicate clearly, lead with empathy and grow sustainably. Together, we're unpacking the messy, side of entrepreneurship.

from boundaries to burnout, leadership to listening, so you can build a business that actually fits your life.


We have a great plan from Monday's meeting. I'm feeling good about it. Just today. Yeah. We can tie this into what we're talking about today. Like the hard conversations because when we're talking about emotional intelligence, yes, we always rehearse these conversations in our head and then probably either never happened or you think you might have had them. And it's like this constant conflict between like, is this really happening?

I think for me, it's the conflict is I keep thinking, I don't know why, if it's a social media, like picture perfect, seeing everything in a time lapse. But like, just think, this will take me two minutes to do. I have rehearsed, I can see me doing it in such a quick time when in reality, even without kids, because they weren't even that bad today. To where like I was interrupted, I actually got to sit and go through the process and it still took me

probably a solid hour without doing the blog. So add an additional 30, 40 minutes of working through making sure the blog got done, optimized and everything else. About, we'll just say an hour and a half. And I try to batch do that once a month, an hour and a half times four, that's six hours that I thought, I can get all of these done in no time, in an hour. I can schedule four podcasts plus

schedule two to three Instagram reels, YouTube shorts, LinkedIn posts, and Pinterest pins. I know if you can my hand in the frame. For each one, plus upload the podcast, the full video to YouTube, and a blog post that I thought, is a great idea for SEO purposes, because we know I love SEO and organic marketing, and da da da. I could do all of that in an hour. So somehow, obviously,

that conversation in my head went completely sideways because now we're having a reality check because that did not land the way I meant it to. And I should have not necessarily kept my mouth shut, but like how to come to reality moment. It's this conflict that we have that's, you know, we're trying to figure out like, what are we doing? We want to do the things that we're doing. But then when it comes to realizing and


bring it back to reality, like, and we have it all in front of you, you're realizing like, my goodness, this is what I'm doing. This is insane. Because a while ago, the way that we ran our podcast was totally different than it is now. And we were, you know, it was becoming heavy. was becoming like draining in a sense, almost losing the ability to be able to show face and show our true selves to our audience and not

You know, going back and forth with different conversations in our head with each other. Like, what are we supposed to be doing? I don't know. It's a time suck, essentially going back to like when I was trying to figure out like, how do I come up with content for my business? every day I'm like writing things down, like just pick something, just do one thing, like get it out of your head, write what you need to write down and to get these conversations out of your head and just, just run with it and just.

Bring the fun back into it. Although yes, you might see like this long list of a checklist, but my operation side, my brain is like, have to write it out literally every step. And then when you write out every step, then it's like, that's a lot more than I thought it was. Yes. And so if you are tuning in, if conflict or feedback, whether it's in with your team, so I'm going to say that's external.

or in my case today, internal conflict and feedback. If it feels heavy, awkward, or exceptionally emotionally draining, obviously you are not alone. I even in full transparency, text Sarah and said, hey, can we record earlier because I am tired. So before we take another step forward into this episode, do make sure you hit subscribe so you don't miss future episodes. As fun as this is what it's going to be.

And as always, all the information that we chat about is going to be in the show notes for you. can now follow us on LinkedIn at entrepreneur encounter.


So a lot of leaders quietly live in this space. It is no secret when you're in networking communities, virtually or in person, that we hear in some way, or form that most of us avoid hard conversations or have them and regret it, or it's just an emotionally draining process to get to it. And that fear usually isn't the conversation itself because once we have that,

Most of the time it ends up better than we expect. Not always. I won't like Mary Poppins this out, you know. But it's usually the fallout or the tension leading up to it. And that is possibility of like, it's the possibility of damaging the relationship when most of the time we're all leaders in our communities in some way, or form. We're all

Walking a similar understandable pathway of what it took to get here and the skills we had to learn and the things we had to sacrifice or work through and trial by fire. It always ends up better than we think, but we try to avoid the problem by not having the conversation when if we just almost like direct head, don't soften it or come in too hot, just a clear head, no delay, because it's that delay that allows you to spiral to actually solve the problem.

Exactly. Now, if you're if you're having like a conflict in your own head or with somebody that you're working with, and if you don't bring it to light, if you don't bring it up, then it's going to be, you know, stuck in a spot where the conflicts is going to boil and things are going to spin out of control, essentially, like, you know, especially okay, so you, Dana, you came to me with like, okay, I'm doing all these things, you know, I don't know, like, this is a long list of things to do. And, you know, having conversations is kind of like,

bouncing back ideas on like, okay, one thing at a time, or, you know, if somebody were to come to me like, hey, I'm having an issue with X, Y, and Z, I'm having, you know, an issue with somebody on my team, I'm having conflict or what, like, have you talked to them about it? Like, that's, you know, first step, like, what are you doing to solve this conflict? And I know a lot of the times, people that are in leadership feel that conflict is failure. And it's not because, again, we are all humans, things are going to happen.

but we cannot avoid the conflict because if we avoid the conflict, then it's going to boil over and something worse might happen in the long run. And we definitely don't want to avoid the conflict. We have to understand that hard conversations are not the problem, but being unclear and emotionally charged conversations are. That's where...

emotional intelligence definitely shows up in our life. Not as like empathy buzzwords, but relationship management. I'll leave it in personally, because I was already emotionally drained thinking about all the things that I needed to do today. And then I needed to have a personal conversation with my husband and I was like, I need to say something. And I don't want it to feel like an attack, but I don't know how else to say it. And I just need to work through it. And honestly, I was really avoiding that because I was really worried about

how it was gonna go and I was in my head like this is how it's gonna play out. And thankfully not, I wanna say much to my surprise, but not to my surprise, he, you listened? And we worked through it and it was just more of like, we think very differently. I have fully accepted that my brain works very different than a lot of other people.

And so the way I see things, the way I communicate isn't necessarily unclear, but I have a weird way of looking at things. And so I sometimes have to go around and around to get you to see the point. But my husband and I will have the same values, very similar values, but how we explain them, it almost sounds like two different books, two different playbooks on the same task, basically. And so I was not necessarily avoiding it, but I was like emotionally charged leading into it. And...

I knew I also had my big giant to-do list. So, like, it was just coming from both sides. And so that relationship management, it really helped to get the feedback. So, perspective-wise, I guess, think about a time you needed to give feedback and how did you feel on the other end. And so thankfully we were able to do that for each other is to give feedback on each other's viewpoints of like, you said this, meaning me, I said something to him yesterday.

And so he took it as, the next time we're at a place together, I would like him to do X, Y, Z. Not, hey, let's do something now because I felt like we missed out on my good opportunity to hang out a few hours ago. And so to me, that was obvious to him. It was not. Neither one of us was wrong. Neither one of us really communicated poorly either. It was just we needed to get that missing feedback that was pivotal.

pivotable in our understanding each other. So thankfully we didn't, I didn't wait. He didn't know there was an issue. So he didn't wait either. But then by the time that I spoke up, like frustration was not fully piled up and I was able to, I was slightly emotionally charged, but it wasn't like I've been spiraling and like mulling over it for days. I was able to approach it slightly clearer, but also let him know.

I might not make sense right now, but I need to get it out and it's not an attack on you. just, this is how I'm feeling. And so we were able to have that conversation in a positive. It was able to shift, no defensiveness showed up, nothing. love that. That's a great way to, you have to have conversations. And I know that a lot of us, myself included, sometimes have fear of having certain conversations, even though that's...

Nothing bad's gonna happen out of it. I think we all fear that, well, if I say this way, then the person I'm talking to is going to end up being upset or whatever. Like a couple years ago, I had a conversation with a client and I was talking to her and I was like, this is nothing to do with you. I'm just, you know, having a bad day or, but I communicating the fact that I could not work.

that day, whatever day it was, I just remember like just not being in the right headspace. And if I were to work have worked that day and was not in the right headspace and not have communicated, then things might have come out differently. So I was afraid. I was honestly afraid to say that because I didn't want to lose a client. I think, you know, as anybody that you have a conversation with that you've been with for a while, client, your spouse, whomever, like you wonder the back of your head, like what the fear, what if I

say this and they're gonna take it the wrong way. But if you take a step back and just kind of sit with your emotions for a bit and then have the conversation, know, whatever works for you and how you're gonna get things out because it sucks being in conflict. It sucks having fear. It does. And we all have that those feelings. I've never had a conversation with somebody that was never afraid of something. You know what mean? And, and we all have emotions, but there's gonna

There's a time and place for everything. mean, again, like you don't want to start yelling at your team member because you're having a bad day. Your emotions are fine, but like you've got to step back and like, okay, if I were in their shoes, how would I want them to come to me and talk to me? Like, you know, you kind of have to do it that way as well. think emotional intelligence and like really honing in on that. It also changes how like feedback and lands or is like received because

you're not removing that honesty, you're anchoring your statements and your points of view, your feelings in it. You're just able to approach both from a more regulated state and able to separate the facts from the frustration. Because if I came to you and I'm smiling and laughing about something frustrating, it's going to cause confusion. are you really mad?

You really need help? Are you really sad? Yeah. Those emotions are important because they help you understand. It's like saying an emoji with a sentence or something like that's how I'm angry about something. was in a text or something. I want to send an angry emoji so you get it because you can't hear my voice and tone. But high emotional intelligence, you're able to separate the facts from those emotions.

And so you stay curious, not defensive. It's less, why are you feeling that way? Versus how can I help you? I hear that you are sad. I hear that you are frustrated. I hear that you are tired. How can I help even that? How can we move forward through this and reach whatever the goal is? And this could be work. It could be just getting through the conversation. It could be anything.

So it's not necessarily about winning a conversation. Haha, this is my win, tally it up. It's about strengthening the overall relationship and being able to look through the emotional flavor and getting into the facts of the matter overall will strengthen the relationship. for sure. And another thing too that we have to realize is that in any conversation that you're going to have, there's going to be disagreements and that is fine.

I always find it interesting having a conversation with somebody that has a different perspective than me. Although I might not agree with them, but I'm curious. I want to learn. I want to learn from them. Like, why do you think like that? Like, it's not me like being defensive. It's not me, you know, anything negative. Like, I want to know where you're coming from so that we can get on each other's level. Like we can try to, you know, come out of this conversation, like high fiving each other and not slamming things.

down the desk. So when leaders can, you know, pause and listen and acknowledge another perspective, the tension is going to lower. I mean, it doesn't mean that you agree because again, disagreements are going to happen, but you have to be emotionally present enough to lead in that moment. while you're in that moment and you're leaning into that perspective, you're having those conversations, you're building trust. And when somebody realizes that, especially somebody that's probably

one has never been in your space before or is newly, you know, a new client or a new team member or whatever. Having those conversations and learning from each other with curiosity is going to help combat the negative side of things and both come out winning in the end. think it helps create an emotional safety, like safe space. yeah. I had to learn, I guess.

time and time again, I've seen like tension isn't something to eliminate its information and you can still provide a safe environment to share your feelings or to hear someone else's feelings, even though there's tension. So like if it's handled well, it's going to lead to clarity. You're going to give someone the time and energy and intention to work through it because like I know I've said this numerous times by now, but

Too many of us have never been given the chance to work through these emotions in any way, or form. And it's only us now as an adult calling us millennials out that we're learning how to process that. And we're basically just overgrown toddlers dealing with these big emotions for the first time. And so it's going to be tense. It's going to be uncomfortable. But having someone in your corner that you can just come and say, I'm tired and then work through the

This is not going to make sense, but if it comes out as me attacking you, I'm not meaning to because I don't see it that way. It just allows it to be handled to the point of clearing up miscommunications or misunderstandings or just clearing up internally. I felt a certain way. You did nothing wrong, but I still ended up feeling hurt because X, Y, But if you don't have that and you handle it

poorly, then it becomes resentment. And long term, that's where partnerships get dissolved, that's where clients go find something else, that's where divorce rates happen, that's where kids don't talk to their parents anymore. All of these things stem from handling a tense situation poorly and resentment is allowed to grow time over time over time. And that emotional intelligence helps with that.

helps you use discomfort as a tool instead of a threat. And it's no longer like the elephant in the room. Mm hmm. Yeah, I know for sure. And I think it was a couple years ago, I had this, this stat. I think it was like, I'm gonna say the number wrong. But I think back in 2024, I think it was like over 40,000 people left the workplace. That was the number and it was because of a toxic work environment. So you know, when you think about all that

the things that you get from being in the workplace, you know, you know, when it's toxic, people leave, people leave because of the people they work with. Somebody might be in a position where they love their job and everything is great and they might be getting paid low, but you've got somebody up here at the top that's getting paid great, great benefits and all the great things, but end up leaving because of toxic workplace. When you don't know how to, if you're not handling conflict properly, or if you're not helping your team or

your clients, anybody in your space grow like people are just gonna people are just gonna leave. Why would somebody want to stay in that space? If they feel like they're being left, left in the dark being felt like they're being walked over, nobody wants any of that. And I think creating that safety space with your clients with your team with your partners, whomever, so that they feel comfortable enough to say, hey, like this is how I'm feeling. How can we solve this in a way that I don't leave?

but we can just have a conversation as two adults and knowing that we all have different perspectives and get to the bottom of this so we can move on with our day. That is like the best definition of maturity I've ever heard. I mean, the strongest teams or the teams that we, I know I am like, they are like a well-oiled machine. We know they're not conflict free. They just are led by people who know how to navigate conflict with intention and

with again, utilizing discomfort as a tool instead of a threat. Like they know it's gonna happen. They're proactively asking more or less, they're asking for it because they're intentional with solving problems either as they happen or best case scenario before they even become a problem and are allowed to fester and grow. Like they're checking in with their team regularly. They're listening and doing something about.

whatever it is, or they're already feeding into them to help them to grow and learn and grow up and do new things and test new skills and better themselves. Because ultimately bettering an individual team member is going to better the entire team as a whole. So here's something, if you've made it this far into the episode, here's something to reflect on this week. What hard conversation are you avoiding right now? Is there more than one?

And what might change if you approached it with clarity instead of fear? High emotional intelligence doesn't avoid discomfort. It's going to help you strengthen relationships. And that's how trust is built. One honest conversation at a time. So whether you're growing your visibility through Pinterest marketing or streamlining your podcast operations and team management, we will help you build systems that work for you and not against you.

And as always, all of our information is in the show notes. Until next time. You can now follow us on LinkedIn at entrepreneur and

Thanks for spending time with us today. If something in this episode gave you a fresh perspective, share it with a friend or send us a DM. We love hearing how these conversations land with you. And if you're curious about how Soft Skills can support your next season of growth, we each have more resources to share. You can find Dana on Instagram at danas.desk.nc for pinch of strategy and intentional marketing. And Sarah.

at UR Rembert for team development, business leadership, and podcast support. Until next time, keep leading with purpose and growing with intention.