The God Wink with Cyndee Sparre

EP#61: Tell Those Demons Run and Hide with Guest Caylinn Higgins

• Cyndee Sparre • Episode 61

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Join us as Caylinn Higgins shares her powerful testimony of overcoming childhood trauma, addiction, and spiritual battles through faith in Jesus. Discover how discernment, spiritual warfare, and trusting God transformed her life and can inspire yours.

Connect with Caylinn Higgins
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/caylinn-ember/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themessyentrepreneur_/
Email: hello@embercohq.com

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SPEAKER_02

Have you ever experienced a God wink? You know. The kind of experience you know without a shadow of a doubt that God stepped in and gave you a big old wink from heaven. I'm your host, Cindy Sparr, broadcasting from Office Evolution in Troy, Michigan. I am a firm believer that there is power in sharing God wink stories. Think of it as a way for people to shine their light on Jesus one wink at a time. In Matthew 5, 14, it says, You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your father who is in heaven. Welcome, Godwink listeners. This is your host, Cindy Sparr of the Godwink Podcast, and I am sitting easy at Office Evolution right now. Uh, thanks to Colleen and Brandon Buddy. I'm sipping on some of your cappuccino right now. But I uh I'm so excited today. We are doing um a series on addiction and um really the impact that it's had on people's lives and um hearing their stories. And I've invited uh Kaylin Higgins on with me today and want to share a little bit about Kaelin. Uh her and I actually met at a networking event for McComb County. They did like a multi-chamber uh business card swap. And Cora Dugan and I were out at the event um that took place, and we ran across Kaylin and leave it to Cora Dugan. She's always like, What's your testimony? Let me lay hands on you. Let me pray with you. She is just an on the spot evangelist, which I think is so amazing. And Kaylin probably didn't even know what was coming her way. She's like, What's my what? My testimony? And I was my jaw just dropped as you shared it, Kaitlin. Um, and before you hop in, I'll share a little bit about you. But I was just like, man, that girl actually does have a really good testimony. And Corda's like, right, right? You gotta have her on the podcast. So meet Kaylin. She is the founder of Ember and Company. Uh, her work is deeply rooted in faith and her calling to serve others. She helps small businesses support their teams through accessible employee benefits and financial protection. So, Kaitlyn, welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_01

So good to be on. I'm so excited. Oh my goodness. I love Cora, by the way. That was hilarious meeting you guys.

SPEAKER_02

Never saw that one coming, right? And it's so funny because um, listeners, as Kaylin came in today, she was just like, oh my goodness, this is so fun and so scary at the same time to get on a podcast. And uh Cora felt scary, scared at that event because she's been in this Christian bubble for business networking. And she's like, Cindy, there's like a lot of people here, and like, where do you even start? And oh my gosh, like I don't know if I know what I'm doing. And I'm like, girl, just do it. Yeah, I go, you've been shadowing me for two years. I'm like, you got this. You watch. And she uh was asking questions. I go, watch how people respond, and you'll be like, Oh my goodness, some of these people need some help. But but God always places people divinely in in path, right? Of who we're supposed to meet. And I'm like, she's like, You gotta you've gotta meet this girl. Like she's you know, she's got a great story. So uh Kaylin, just share with us uh take us from the beginning of your testimony. What what happened with the Lord? Um, even when you were not maybe following him as m like like you are maybe doing now. Uh take us from all the way back at that point.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so honestly, if I have to take you guys back, I gotta take it back. Because um a lot of the stuff that before or should I say a lot of the stuff that happened before I even, you know, came to Christ um was rooted in childhood trauma. Um I would say I come, you know, I love my family, but essentially I came from a broken family. Um I witnessed my father like beat my mom, you know, and I witnessed my parents fight of, you know, like even since then we've been in therapy, we were homeless at one point, and it was it was tough. It was very tough. So even then, you know, seeing like trauma as a child, I feel like that probably started some wounds. You know, that started some wounds that flourished by the time I got, you know, became an adult. You know, my mom um was a single mom and I love my mom. She is everything to me. She I witnessed my mom like literally sacrifice herself. You know, I'm so grateful that I've seen a lot of kids grow up and their parents are constantly at work. You know, majority of the time, like single mothers, they're at they're at work. But my mom put her career on hold to raise me and my brother. And I'm grateful for that because she taught me so much stuff. She taught me so many things that I don't think I've been able to maneuver through life. Even like faith. You know, speaking into your kids. She uh, I think my mom, like my mom and my grandmother were like the example of what it means to really have faith in God.

SPEAKER_02

Man, those grandmothers. Grandma, grandma.

SPEAKER_01

My grandmother, she's a praying grandmother, you know, she's a praying grandmother. She she I would remember it'll be plenty of times where she would break down concepts, you know, she would break down concepts, you know, into kid language.

SPEAKER_02

Using flannel graphs or whatever?

SPEAKER_01

Just about. Just about, you know, and you know, really planted those seeds, you know. Like as a kid, you don't really understand the full picture, but basically the message that they implanted in us is God is real, Jesus is real, and you're never alone. You know, you're already already already already.

SPEAKER_02

Now, did you believe that like right out the gate?

SPEAKER_01

Or you like my faith definitely as a child has been tested. There's been plenty of times where, you know, let's say, and it's silly stuff too, where I remember I had a pet, like a pet beta fish, you know, their little aggressive fish, and I lost the the like the food for it. I couldn't find it, right? And I never forget my mom, and it still like stays with me to this day. My mom told me she was like, well, just take a second and pray. She was like, Ask God to show you, you know, where you put the food, right? And it was hilarious because she was like, You're a kid, like he's gonna hear your prayers before mine. You know, she was cracking jokes and stuff, and I actually did it. And literally in that same moment, it was right there on the table. Wow. I'm so serious. And I think that was like the pivotal point of oh my goodness, God is real.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, you know, God is real.

SPEAKER_01

And even throughout, like when I was growing up, looking back, you know, the Lord has definitely kept me. He has definitely protected me. He has definitely like shown that he is there. So as far as like, I feel like as a child, I still had this, this, um, this want to connect with the Lord, this, this need of just connection, you know, there was something missing.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I was like on that search for what's missing, you know?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And um, that kind of leads to when I became an adult when I went to school. Um, when I was in college, it was like a battle of identity, so to say. It was like a battle of identity. Like I knew, you know, I'm getting older. Um, who do I want to become? Right. And not just who I want to become career-wise, but who am I? You know, I feel like a lot of young, like a lot of young adults go out through this, um, I I call it like this early uh identity crisis, just about because it's that weird point in time where okay, you're leaving your parents home, but you you're not there to where you know who you are just yet. You're figuring out. So like you're experimenting, you're trying out different like identities, so to say, you're trying out different friend groups, and you're trying to figure out who you are just about, you know? And I feel like during that time, I was lost. I was lost. A lot of things happened during that time. My um, my grandfather, he passed away from COVID. He was a huge father figure for me. And that ripped my family apart. That ripped my family apart completely. Um it was it was a mess, right? So as I was 19 at the time, so as like a young adult, not only am I trying to navigate college, the pandemic, um like my the loss of someone who was very dear to me, and I didn't I didn't just lose my grandfather. I lost my family. I lost my family. My family is not the same.

SPEAKER_02

Wow.

SPEAKER_01

You know, they're they it's crazy.

SPEAKER_02

One man to make that kind of an impact.

SPEAKER_01

Literally, like, literally, my family was was not the same after that, and it poured down into like my relationships. I remember it was a time where you know I was so numb, like I couldn't feel anything, that I would take small needles and prick my fingers just to feel something, you know? And that doesn't feel good.

SPEAKER_02

I take hot showers. Like I'm talking scolding hot showers. Does that count?

SPEAKER_01

Oh my goodness. I hope it's not like melting off your flesh. Well, I'm pretty bright red when I get out. Oh my goodness. It's like uh good exfoliation at that point, you know.

SPEAKER_02

It's weird, it's weird, I know.

SPEAKER_01

Right, but at that time, I feel like the Lord was like, it was definitely that time where he was behind the scenes. He was behind the scenes. Um during that time, I started seeing things, actually. Um, I would say like as a kid, I've always I feel like I've had like this sensitivity to the spiritual realm. You know, not necessarily like super, you know, super spiritual, but essentially like I will feel things. I feel like I've seen things at some point and couldn't explain it. But as an adult, it became more prominent in my life. You know, um during that time, I was trying out alcohol, I was trying out weed, I was like trying out everything, and not only just to try it out, but to fill a gap, fill a hole, you know, fill a wound that only God could heal. Basically, that only God could heal. So during that time, it was it was a hot mess. But where it all started, leading up to that, that's like the back, the backstory right there. But essentially the catalyst of everything to my faith now was my junior year of college. So that was 2022, maybe 2021, 2022-ish, you know?

SPEAKER_02

Where'd you go to school?

SPEAKER_01

Uh I went to Michigan. Oh, and Airborne. Go blue, you know, go blue. Um but um during that time, oh my goodness, during that time was it was tough. It was tough. And the reason why it was tough is because I'm still figuring out some things. I was still figuring out who I was, and not only that, I had a lot of like emotional issues. Like when I was younger, I used to mask my emotions, you know, or tuck them deep, tuck them, like tuck them deep inside, and that definitely like bit me later on in life. Like I would spaz out.

SPEAKER_02

Is that what we call baggage?

SPEAKER_01

Just about, just about, oh my goodness, just about. I would literally like spaz out on people. It was it was insane. Like, it would be times where you know, it would just be like something small, something small, and I would literally like lose my mind. I would scream, cry, throw stuff, you know. It was bad, you know? And the the thing that I mainly depended on to soothe that was wheat.

SPEAKER_02

Make you chill.

SPEAKER_01

Literally, it makes you chill, but uh, it opened up a lot of things that, you know, it's not supposed to be happening. Um, I was an alcoholic during that time. Oh my goodness. I would like party every weekend. I would throw parties, you know. Um, I had like a terrible group of friends, or I wouldn't call them terrible, but essentially they were not good influences.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like they would literally like come to our apartment just about every other day with a bottle of Bacardi.

SPEAKER_02

Wow.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so I feel like that's how the alcoholism started.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It was it was terrible. It would be like times where like I was proud to say, like, oh, I could take 20 shots and it wouldn't infect me, you know? And like what? Like looking back at it, I was like, oh my goodness, I can't even recognize myself now. You know? But um the dangerous thing, the dangerous thing of that is a lot of people, oh, excuse me, a lot of people don't realize that when you attach yourself to something, whether that's something lustful, whether that's alcohol, whether that's weed, whether that's a person that's not good for you, you're opening doors for the devil to come in and mess with you. And you're opening doors for demons to come in to torment you. And that's exactly what happened. You know, at that time, my roommates, they were heavy into witchcraft, right? They had this, they were heavy into witchcraft, they were heavy into like the new age, like the crystals and stuff. And I thought that was cool. Like, you know, I thought that was cool. And at that time, my relationship with God is was wasn't even developing. Like I was aware of God and I wanted to connect with God, but I didn't really know how to. You know, I tried going to church. I really couldn't relate to the message. I tried, you know, reading my Bible.

SPEAKER_02

It's like the veil's there. It hasn't been torn yet.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. I was trying to read my Bible and I couldn't understand the concepts, you know. I had so many questions. Like, even now, like I still have questions about the Bible. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

I'm sorry, these people were cray-cray.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. It's it's hilarious. Because I still kept the same Bible I bought like at 19. I still have it now, and I still use it. And I look back at the questions I wrote down in my Bible, and I'm like, I know the answer to it now. You know, it's so cool. But um, back to what I was saying, but when it comes to substances, when it comes to an addiction, you know, I didn't think I had an addiction at that time. I thought that, oh, I was stressed. This is what I'm doing when I'm stressed, right? But what happened was it opened up doors for demons to literally come torment me. Flat out. And because I wasn't equipped, because I didn't know, it was like a loop. Like I kept doing the same things, right? Until one day God showed me like this is what's going on, you know. Um, uh instance that actually comes to mind is that I remember, like I said, with my roommates, they were into witchcraft, they were oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02

You know, I should have some Tums in the studio.

SPEAKER_01

I had like a bottle of Coke earlier, and the bubbles are coming up. Yeah. But um, my my roommates, they had like these crystal sets and they had like this this whole Zen thing, and I thought it was so cool.

SPEAKER_02

So innocent. Literally burning some incense.

SPEAKER_01

Burning sage, they would go around with sage and do all and I thought it smelled good. So I was like, okay, well, if this is what we're doing to relax, I'm all for it. You know, I'm already stressed, you know. I'm already stressed, might as well do it. And I would never forget, and this scared the crap out of me. I'll never forget. I went to Five and Below. It's terrible that they have it, and they actually had a crystal set. They sold this crystal set, and it was a wooden stick, it was a bundle of sage, and it was like um some crystals. I think it was like amethyst or something like that. It was pretty. I was like, oh my goodness, this is so.

SPEAKER_02

Actually, I think I noticed that when I went. Yeah, I was just like, hmm.

SPEAKER_01

That's insane. It's insane, right? And I bought that, and then I also bought like uh like one of those incense holders, and I bought some incense, and the incense was talking about like chakras and stuff. Now, I never really got into chakras, I thought that was just like too much, but it smelled good, right? It smelled good. And one day I put everything on my windowsill. I laid out the crystals, I laid out the incense holder, I had it decorated all cute. I would burn the sage, and not knowing that I'm actually creating an altar. I created an altar, and that opened a door for me to start seeing these demons, like with my own two eyeballs. It was insane. So I would never forget. So it was, I noticed it didn't all happen at once. It was like a slow build. Like first thing, I was like, okay, it's pretty cool. Nothing really happened. A few days later, um, I started feeling like I was being watched, you know. I started seeing things, you know, and I thought I was tripping. I was like, maybe I just need to cut the weed a little bit, need to chill, maybe I should stop drinking, okay? But it was a time where I was completely sober. And I just so happened to go in my room and I looked out the window, and you know how you can see like someone's reflection in the window? I I remember I saw this dark figure. It was so it was standing just about up over me. I saw this dark figure, and these eyes were like these bright yellow eyeballs, and I would never forget the feeling I felt. The feeling I felt was like like a predator about to hop on its prey. You know, I felt this sense of fear, and I remember I literally felt somebody in the room. And when I turned around, it was nobody there. It was nobody there. I looked back in the, I looked back at the window to see how stripping, it was nobody there. And I remember I asked God in that instance, I said, Lord, what's going on? Mm-hmm. Like, what am I, what is going on here, you know? And I remember like just like that, I remember the Lord told me, He said, You built an altar. He said, You built an altar on your windowsill. And when he said that, I scared the crap out of me. I took I took, I literally I took everything from that and I tossed it in the dumpster. I tossed it in a dumpster. And a lot of people think that it's about intention. It's not. The Bible talks about how it's how God's people perish, not because of their intentions, but because of their lack of knowledge. Like, do you think if I knew that was gonna happen, I was gonna put that on my windowsill?

SPEAKER_04

Right.

SPEAKER_01

No, like the devil's crafty, he is sneaky, and all of it can just start with maybe you just need to relax, even stressed, you know? It's it's pretty over here, you know. But that right there, that shifted my awareness. It shifted my awareness. And it didn't help that my roommates were practicing witchcraft. Like when I say they were like deep in it, I one of my roommates, she had like blood vials.

SPEAKER_02

Wow.

SPEAKER_01

It was and it creeped me out, you know? Like, what are y'all doing? And they bought this, I think it was like a like a book of spells and stuff. And I didn't believe it. I was like, it's fake, you know? It's fake. But when I saw that like one of them literally had blood vials, I said, oh no, y'all are actually into something. Yeah. Right? And what happened was during that time, I was still reaching out to God. So I was still praying. I was still trying to read my word. But there was still a disconnect. It was still like, okay, well, something is not clicking just yet. Something is not clicking just yet. And during that time, um, it was, I was literally being tormented. Every I was so scared to fall asleep. It got to a point where I was scared to go in my room. I was scared to fall asleep. I was scared to go in my room because every time I went in there, it was it was something in there. And I knew it. And it was something in there. And it was um it was a time where I fell asleep and I didn't know sleep paralysis was a thing, right? And I woke up and I could not move. I could not move, and it was probably like three in the morning or something. And I'm looking around, I kept a light in my bathroom because at that point I was scared of the dark.

SPEAKER_02

Like I was scared to go to sleep. You're going back to childhood, little night light.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. That was like my nightlight. And I would never forget, oh my goodness, it was this thing. It was at this point, I thought I was tripping, but it was it was real. Uh, it was a demon standing at the foot of my bed. And the crazy thing about it is it was walking towards me, but it couldn't touch me. It got to a point where it was stop. And you can see the frustration. Like you could literally see this thing is frustrated that it couldn't get to me. It was still there, but it was like this distance. It was like this wall, right? And that's when I knew I said, God is protecting me. God is keeping me right now. Because this happened on a multiple occasions. It wasn't the the first time. It was it was a lot of things. It was in small glimpses where you know I will see things or I'm asleep and I feel something, but it could never touch me. It could never touch me. And um it was it was a mess, right? So it was a point where I was promiscuous. You know, it was this guy I was with for like two years, I think. And I think even then that was probably a form of like opening up doors. Like, you know how the Bible tells you to not have sex before marriage, right? And people think like, oh, you're trying to like control me, my body, and all that. But it's actually protection, right? I didn't know what a soul tie was until I was actually stuck to somebody. Like, it's a terrible feeling to try to break away from someone. And when I say break away, like cut that person off. I cut this person off, and I would think about them constantly. This person was popping up in my dreams, right? And it was a time where I could time, I could time it. I it was insane. I could literally time when he was gonna reach out to me. Like usually if he popped up in my sleep, he was going to text me two days later. That's how bad it was, right? And to be, and it was, I remember I was telling someone about this. I said, I feel like I am chained to this person. I don't want to be with this person, but I can't break away from them. That's a soul tie. That's a soul tie, and that's dangerous, especially outside of marriage. You don't want to be tied down to the wrong person.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Because you don't know what that person carried.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but once again, filling a hole that we don't realize.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. Fill in that hole, fill in that hole. You know, and later on, that person made me realize that I had a parent wound. I had a father wound at that time. I had like some serious daddy issues that I did not know about, right? Until after that happened. I looked back and said, oh my goodness. Lord, I need healing. You know?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And um, so that was another instance, but it was a time where that person he kept hurting me, not physically, but he kept going out with other people, and like it was doing something to me spiritually. It was tearing down my self-esteem, like self-esteem. It was tearing down my mental, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Have you ever taken like a break from dating?

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yes. Get right with your true father kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly, exactly. It's a huge difference. It definitely is a huge difference. But um, during that time, it was it was it was a mess. I was still, you know, my mental was really in shambles. And I remember I was in my car one day and I was praying to God. I said, Lord, it was a few things I was praying about because I was just so fed up with life. Excuse me. I was so fed up with life, and I was contemplating suicide actually. I was thinking about it, and I was just crying out to God, and I was like, Lord, I was like, I don't want to be tied to this person no more. You know, and I realized like I was searching for love. I was I wanted to be loved. You know, I wanted to be loved because I didn't receive that love from my father. You know, my father was in and out of my life, making promises and breaking them and really torment like tormenting with me mentally. And, you know, my mother, at some point, she said, You're gonna stop doing this to my children. You know? And um, I thank God that she did that actually. But back to, you know, back to the situation I was looking for love at that time. And I said, Lord, I said, the next person I get into a relationship with, I want them to take me to church. I'm so serious, I'm so serious. I said, I want them to take me to church, and I want them to actually have a relationship with you because my thinking was, well, I'm trying to have a relationship with you, I'm struggling, but if someone could lead me to you and guide me to you, I'd be A1, you know? And a month later, a month later, I met a guy, um, we became friends, and the first thing he told me was hilarious. The first thing he told me was his dad was a pastor. Oh, really? I was cracking up. I was laughing. This is like our first, like our first hangout. He's like, Yeah, my dad's a pastor, you know, we got this church.

SPEAKER_02

Watch out for them, man. I married a pastor's getting out.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my goodness. Is your PK kid? Oh my gosh, he is he was hilarious. He was hilarious, but um, yeah, it was, I was like, okay, you know, okay, Laura, like what is like what's going on? And that was like one of the best decisions I made. That was one of the best decisions I've made because I found a church that spoke truth. And not only did they speak truth, they spoke it very boldly. And I remember the first time, the first time I went to service, um, the pastor was talking about accountability. You know, accountability for your actions. And he was he was talking about just coming to God, right? And I think he did altar call. I didn't go that first time. I didn't go that first time. I was I was still watching, you know. It took, it, it literally was like a slow burn, just about it took time for me to actually continue to go into church, but the seed was planted. The seed was planted and it grew. And I remember after, you know, I accepted Lord. And when I say accepted Christ, like at that point, I've already accepted Jesus, you know, as my savior, but I didn't accept him as my Lord, you know. And I was still still in the world, still doing what I wasn't supposed to be doing. And when I think about how God was still there, He, oh my goodness, about the tear up. But when I think about the things God has shielded me from, when I think about the things where God interrupted where I was going, oh my goodness.

unknown

Woo!

SPEAKER_01

Thank you, Jesus. But it it took time, it took time. The Lord was definitely working on my heart. You know, we would, me and my friend at the time, we would talk about God. Even then, I wasn't, I would say I was saved. I was still saved, but I wasn't there. I was like a new believer. At that point, I was trying to break the habits.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know, I was still smoking at that time, I was still drinking, but it was a little bit less. A little bit less. And over time, I just said, I don't want to do it no more.

SPEAKER_02

Is it is almost like it feels like a like your sensitivity gets stronger and stronger to when you try and go back to those things. Yeah. Like over time. It's it's uh very actually last night my uh my husband's watching TV and I don't even know what series it was or if it was a movie, but a zombie pops out, and I'm like, I'm out. He's like, I can change it to whatever you want. And he was like, you know, you know, like the zombie movies, I take it and I go, I can't handle it. And I know it's not real, but there's something in me that's like, you can't go back. No, like exit the room, and he's like, Well, we can watch your like Heartland horse movie or shows. You know, he's trying to spend time with me, and I'm like, No, I'm out. See you later, good night. I'm gonna go up, I'm gonna go upstairs and read my Bible.

SPEAKER_01

So let's just get into this word real quick.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but I feel like my like hairs stand up now. And I used to think when people would say what I'm saying, I'm like, you're too much.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Right? When my radars weren't sensitive, I was just like, it's not that bad.

SPEAKER_01

It's not that deep. Yeah, it's always that deep.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, now I'm just like, I'm that person. Like my my holy spirit, my soul triggers when I watch things that just don't feel good. Right. But I I know my husband's probably thinking, oh brother, you know, like it's not a big deal. And I'm like, no, like you just you you're you're able to, you're numbing it, you know, like, and I don't want that to come across as as like I'm judging. Uh, but I just think when you start getting closer and closer with the Lord, he's like, Don't you wanna read the word? Don't you want to hear my voice? You know, what are you gonna do different than what you used to do?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02

You gonna binge some Netflix right now? Are you gonna go read a chapter of judges, which I'm sorry, Samson, you're pretty messed up.

SPEAKER_01

You know what's funny? I actually went through that. It was insane. I actually went through that when I first, you know, when I was actually got serious with my walk with Christ, it would be it would, that's when I said, like, a lot of people don't realize like this is really battle of the souls for real. Because just because I accepted Christ, he was working on me on the inside, but the devil was still trying to get at me.

SPEAKER_02

Find a loophole.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly, trying to trying to get at me. Like, it was insane. Like these dreams, I would have crazy dreams. It was, I remember it was a dream where um it was like somebody was speaking to me in my sleep. Like, literally speaking to me in my sleep, saying, Don't you miss the fun times we had? And I'm like, what? What is this? Yeah. You know, I wake up and I don't know, oh my goodness. And I told you before where I would see things, you know, and I've eventually moved out of that place and moved in with my mom at the time, and that's where I really got deep into my word. But it was still a battle. I would still see things.

SPEAKER_02

I would still Do you wish that like do you think that's something that you're that God has gifted to you, or do you feel like it's a curse that you see it?

SPEAKER_01

Honestly, I think it's a gift. I think it's a gift because one, I can see it, you know, it it shows it really shows the contrast because I feel like, and I'ma say this, I'ma say this just because like I still have those moments essentially, but usually something is going on spiritually if a demon is popping up. And I feel like it's a telltale sign of what am I doing? I feel like at that time it was more of, well, I was opening up doors, I was drinking, I was doing this, and I let that in. Now it's like, okay, well, I'm doing something you don't like, so you're trying to intimidate me, but you can't because God removed that fear, and that's the difference. I was scared before. I'm not scared now.

SPEAKER_02

I love that. You know? I actually I'm gonna I I should have had this keyed up ahead of time, but um when when we when you were coming into studio today and I was on my way in, uh I was listening to uh Christian radio station, and I sent you this text message and said, Look forward to having you in studio. This song made me think of you. Yeah, and unless there's the title of the song, first of all, put my radar up because I was like, What in the world? Am I listening to Christian radio? Because the title of the song is Demons. Right. And I guess it's a newer song by Josiah Queen that I'd shared with you. And I'd already known a little bit of your backstory with seeing these things. Yeah. Um, but I want to read these lyrics um for our listeners. Um it says, uh, um, why oh why does it feel like a war zone in my mind as I fight the fight and try to hear your voice through all the lies? He heard my heart and heard my cry, even heard my whisper in the night. And as I prayed, I heard my father say, quote, Tell those demons, run and hide. They tremble at the name of Jesus every time. Fear ain't got a home here up inside my mind. Darkness has to leave up in this light. And I'm like, dang! I'm like, this is deep, deep, yeah. Because just to think of the turmoil that people go through in their minds. It's real. Yeah, and and our father says, tell them to leave. That's it. Tell them to leave. He gives you the authority, yeah, yeah. But how long do we sit in the war zone in our mind of oh my gosh, I'm not good enough. Oh my gosh, you know what? I I should take my life because I'm not worthy, right? Like, God's not gonna forgive this. No one cares about me. Just all the things that the the liar tells us.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_02

And you hear the still small voice of the father that says, tell him to leave.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah. The Lord gives us authority, okay? He gives us authority, and that's what I love about it. Like, you gotta realize the battle is already won. Like, it's already over. We won. You know, the the thing you just gotta, I guess, come to terms with now is your own just the strength that the Lord gives you. The authority that the Lord gives you. Like, the Lord, like, Jesus didn't die on the cross for you to be defeated. You know, he fought the battle for you. He fought it for you. All you have to do is trust him and keep walking.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Keep walking. And that's something I had to learn over time.

SPEAKER_02

I heard that you took some gift assessment.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So what makes sense now? What came back if you if you're willing to share? For sure. So the gift assessment I took, the and it's crazy because I remember someone actually told me this before and I didn't believe them. I was like, yeah, right. But the gift um that I receive was discernment, you know, and it makes so much sense. It it makes so much sense because I feel like I'm able to see what others can't see. And I'm not necessarily just talking about like a spiritual realm, but just in between the lines, or I can see what the issue is without a heavy like explanation. And I remember when I was a pastor, actually. He I went to someone's church and he was preaching, and I remember he stopped mid-preaching, and he like pointed at me. He pointed at me, and I was like, Um, did I do something was going on here? And he said, You have the gift of discernment. And I was like, Oh, you know, and then afterwards, yeah, right. You know, I didn't believe it. But that was confirmation, and I feel like just my experiences over the years is just confirmation. So now my main focus is just honing in on that gift.

SPEAKER_02

What's the difference between discernment and wisdom? Because I always feel like they're they can be closely tied.

SPEAKER_01

It's it's a little bit similar. Wisdom comes from experience, discernment comes from the Holy Spirit. Oh, you know, that's that's mainly where it comes from, like the little nudge, you know, the little nudge of don't do that, don't go there, you know, or call this person, tell this person you love them. That's discernment, and that strictly is a gift of the spirit. And oh my gosh, I'm tearing up because it's just been it's just been times where the Holy Spirit would just about wake me up out of my sleep or really put something heavy on my heart.

SPEAKER_02

Is it between 1 and 3 a.m.?

SPEAKER_01

Just about I would say between like 3 and 6 a.m. Oh my goodness. Oh, the Lord knows I'm not a morning person whatsoever. So it'd be I'm I'm working on it. I'm working on it because it's it's sometimes where like I'm actually up and I can't go back to sleep. And I'm like, okay, this is the Lord's waking me up.

SPEAKER_02

And you don't take no melatonin or anything like that?

SPEAKER_01

No, I'm once I'm out, I'm out. So for me, and it's not like a natural wake, it's like eyes pop open, you know? Yeah, I'm like, oh my goodness, I want to go back to sleep. I'm tired, you know, but I'm like, it must be something important. Let me pray real quick. Yeah, you know, let me read a scripture real quick, what's going on? And um, that's that's basically where the sermon comes from. It comes from God, it's uh it's a gift of the Holy Spirit, and it's a gift that I don't really take lightly, and it's something that I'm being a little bit more attuned to because I'm still human at the end of the day, so I still have to discern God's voice and my thoughts, you know, and that can be tough. It is, it is, it is tough, and that's where the Bible tells you to take up your thoughts to the Lord, you know, compare it against the word. Does it go with God's word? If it is, okay, you know, that's the obvious. If it doesn't, maybe that's either your thoughts or that's the thoughts from the enemy.

SPEAKER_02

That's why you need to be up in your Bible.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yes. I heard someone say the Bible was like basic instructions for life something. It was something like that.

SPEAKER_02

With the B I B L E.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, something like that.

SPEAKER_02

But um well, I cannot believe how quickly time went by. Oh my gosh. I would love for you to share um your resonating scripture in the Bible. Is there something that really like is ultimate?

SPEAKER_01

So my favorite scripture is Proverbs three, I think it's three, five through six or three, four through six. And it's trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean into your own understanding. And all of your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths or make your path straight.

SPEAKER_02

I love that one.

SPEAKER_01

And when I say that's the main scripture I live by. And even though it's tough sometimes, it's tough too. And I'm I'm the type of person, I'm gonna be transparent here. It's hard for me to surrender and let go of control. Right? So that's where I really pull from the scripture, especially when it looks like things are going haywire.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I literally can't control it. Right. So what does that mean essentially? When when the Bible says to trust the Lord, like trust means to basically let go of control. I trust you. If I was, you know, in a car with you, I trust that you would get us to the destination. You know, I'm letting go of the control of my own safety, I'm putting it in your hands, right? So when we say trust in God, put your life in his hands.

SPEAKER_02

That's tough.

SPEAKER_01

You know? It it trust me, it's difficult. But you can tell the difference. You know, when it's been so many times where I literally have to stop myself and just be like, Lord, I'm so sorry. I'm like trying to take control of this situation.

SPEAKER_03

Take it here.

SPEAKER_01

I'm giving it to you. And I'm not gonna pick it back up. I feel like sometimes we try to pick it back up, you know, Lord, I'm giving it to you, but let me do this, right? But no, fully surrendering. And when the Bible says to acknowledge him in all of your ways, it's not necessarily just saying praise. It's a prayer. It could just be, Lord, I'm tired, you know, Lord, I'm I'm going through this. Lord, I thank you for still seeing me, even though I don't feel you. You know, Lord, I thank you for still being here with me, even though it seems like you're far away.

SPEAKER_02

Wow, that's that's deep.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I felt like that before. There's been plenty of times where I felt lonely, you know, lonely, and not necessarily like trying to yearn for someone, but I'm like, Lord, where are you at? Yeah, where are you? I don't feel you. What's going on? Did I do something? Yeah. But usually in those during that season, that's where my growth really takes place. It really takes place because it's testing my faith. It's testing my faith. Can I feel God? Or should I say, can I still praise God and lean into God when I don't feel Him? Well, Job did. Right. That's my oh my goodness, Job is my favorite book in the Bible. I'm so serious.

SPEAKER_02

It's humbling. It's like, dude, if he can go through all that, then what mine's like nothing.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. Even in Job, you know, it it it just demonstrates who God is, you know, who's really in control. Yeah. You know, I think even at some point, Job stopped asking why is this happening and start to realize this is this is God. God has his hand on this.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So let me just keep praising him. Let me just keep doing this, right?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And um at the end, Job got like double of everything.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Right. He got like double of everything. But um As he should. Exactly. Exactly. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02

How can our listeners connect with you?

SPEAKER_01

Um, well, I guess through LinkedIn. I'm on LinkedIn, you know. Um, I do have, I'm rarely on social media, but I'm I'm gonna post my my LinkedIn page or put it in the notes and stuff. Um, I'm actually, I just created an Instagram page and it's documentary, documenting um my journey with entrepreneurship. It's called the messy entrepreneur.

SPEAKER_04

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so if the listeners want to connect with me through that way, I'm still working on it, so it might look a little bit messy. It's a little bit messy, you know. I'm trying here. I'm trying to live out that title. You're right. I'm trying. It's just it's just like raw. Like entrepreneurship is like messy. You know, you got the ups, the downs, you know. But um that's that's a way that they can connect with me too, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I love that. Well, thank you so much for joining me today on the Godwink um listeners. If today's episode resonates with you, um, even if maybe you are a person that has that gift of discernment or um, or you're that person where you're like, am I seeing things? Like, why do I feel sensitive to this? Uh Kaylin's your girl to connect with. Um, feel free to share this episode with those that you think it will resonate with. But um man, I just think that there's some good, good nuggets in today's episode about how do we handle the spirit realm and and how do going in the Lord's direction, right? Not fill it with the things.

SPEAKER_01

The things of this world, no.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, no longer the things of this world. Well, listeners, thanks for listening in on the God wink, and we look forward to having you listen in on our next episode. Be blessed. I want to give a big thank you to Office Evolution Troy for providing their podcast studio for us this afternoon to record. If you have any questions or you would like to book your own time in their podcast studio, give them a call at 586-788-9966. If today's Godwink story really hit home with you, we would love to hear about it through the Godwink community on Facebook. If you know of someone that needs to hear today's Godwink story, show them some love and tag them on the Godwing Podcast. You never know how a Godwink story might change their day around for the better. If you or someone you know has a Godwink story that the world needs to hear, we want to hear it. Simply click the link within the podcast notes to send in your Godwink story. Until next time, remember God's got you. Wink wink.