Suzanne's Journey: Overcoming Adversity and Embracing Hope

Have you ever witnessed the sheer tenacity of the human spirit, or seen the light of hope flickering in the darkness of adversity? Suzanne's saga, which she shares with unfaltering honesty on my show, is a stirring narrative that's bound to move you. From the trials of escaping an abusive relationship to the tenderness of reconnecting with a childhood love, her story is a beacon for anyone navigating the rocky terrain of life's challenges.

Suzanne's candid tales embody the complexity of personal struggle, the intertwining of love and loss, and the courage it takes to rebuild and choose joy. Her experience of confronting family trauma, wrestling with the throes of menopause, and facing a daunting breast cancer diagnosis are more than just stories; they're profound lessons in resilience. They remind us of the shared human experience, the scars that shape us, and the unwavering strength we possess to emerge stronger on the other side.

Crucially, this episode isn't merely a recounting of past events—it's a space for healing and understanding. As we navigate the vicissitudes of love, family dynamics, and health crises, Suzanne's journey offers a mirror to our own lives. Her openness invites you to reflect to find solace in her words and connect with your journey.  Join us for a heartfelt exploration of life's unpredictability and the enduring power of the human spirit.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I'm about to share an interview with Suzanne. She is my TikTok friend and I just felt like she had such a great story. I hope that it's the first of many to come, because I just love talking to people and hearing their story and it's just that's why I do this Not just to talk to you, although that's one of my favorite parts but to share with you the things I'm going through and the things other people are going through. I want people to speak their own truth through their own voice, and I want to give them a platform to do it, and I gave Suzanne one and I'm so excited to share it with you. I can tell you this we talked about three hours. Only two hours was able to be recorded. Something happened on her end. It's a riveting story and it's Suzanne's, so I'm going to share it. I'm going to give it the time it deserves. Please enjoy the story and, if you like this, there's something really new and exciting.

Speaker 1: 0:57

They now have come out with a text me link at the bottom of my show notes. If you scroll down and you read and you can see it's something that says text me If the bottom of my show notes, if you scroll down and you read and you can see it. This says text me. If you hit that link it will actually text my cell phone. It's only one way communication, so I can only receive. I can't text back, but you can tell me a show idea. You can tell me if you liked a show. You can tell me if you didn't like a show. I mean, it's not the greatest text I want to receive, but you have that option. So it's just a way to communicate and I will do a shout out on the show and read your text. So, yay, we now have a way to communicate and love you miss you. Bye the Love you Miss you, bye Podcast. Let's inspire each other. I figure we should tell everybody how this all came about. This is Suzanne and she is my TikTok friend.

Speaker 1: 1:57

I happened to post I think it was the video where I talk about 40 and up and all the changes we're going through, and I wanted to try and build a community so that we could kind of have a place that we can all talk, which really stemmed from. They have you know, because I study. They were saying there's a new page you can go to and find out what the trending topics are Just put in the hashtag that you want to see and see if it's trending and what's trending in that category. Well, I put in the hashtag that you want to see and see if it's trending and what's trending in that category. Well, I put in over 50, I put in over 40, and there wasn't a lot out there that I really could connect to.

Speaker 1: 2:35

I mean, there were a few diamonds in there, but overall I was kind of disappointed that there wasn't a place and a group for us, and so that prompted me to post that video, and you jumped in there in my comments. You're one of the people that jumped in and I honestly I don't do that with everybody. It was weird because I stopped, I saw it and then I went right to your page and that's when I'm like oh, first of all, she sounds like she's from Jersey, so I felt like my friend here.

Speaker 1: 3:06

I was like I want to know more about her and as I started to watch some of your stories, I learned a little bit. And the whole point of Love you Miss, you Bye is to talk to people with real stories, not really the famous people. That's never been my goal and I was like she's somebody I want to talk to and I think that she's got a really good story of triumph. I know you're going through it right now, but it is an everyday story. First of all, you are like a little ray of sunshine.

Speaker 1: 3:39

So you really, are you really?

Speaker 2: 3:42

are.

Speaker 1: 3:42

Why don't you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about you?

Speaker 2: 3:47

So my name is Suzanne. I just turned 52 in February. I'm not from New Jersey, I am from Long Island, New York. I now live here in Fort Payne, Alabama, with my childhood sweetheart. I was married once before, for 18 years. I have three children, but my husband and I dated when we were kids he was 18 and I was 20, a little cradle robber and we dated from 1992 to 1997. Sometimes when your parents tell you no, stay away from somebody, it makes you want to go toward the bad boy. I sadly made a mistake and um, but without that mistake I wouldn't have the three children that I have. So I was married for 18 years with him, for 23. Um, thankfully, uh, yeah, thankfully divorced. Um, it was a very traumatic, toxic, abusive. I was cheated on the entire marriage and it was sad because I had a small house and my kids knew about it and I don't talk very much about it on TikTok because you know my kids are there. I never want to, you know, disparage their father, but but right now I really don't care.

Speaker 1: 5:06

How long were you married before you realized that he was cheating on you?

Speaker 2: 5:10

I knew before I got married that he was cheating, but I was already pregnant. So my husband, john, and I the one that I brag about in all my TikTok videos we broke up in 1997. I got pregnant and I said, okay, well, I guess the right thing to do is to get married. But he was already cheating on me and I said well, you know, I can't go running home to my parents. You know I'm not going to prove mommy and daddy right that you know to stay away from him. And so I stayed and it was always I love you. I'm sorry, I love you, I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry, I'll never do it again.

Speaker 2: 5:46

And my kids were traumatized a lot by the things that they had seen and heard. I didn't have the strength in myself to get up and leave. I was a stay-at-home mom for 17 years Before I had kids. I was a dental assistant and the world went on without me. So I had tried to get jobs but I couldn't because he was never home. One day he came home and finally said that he was leaving and it was like, yeah, it felt like the wind was taken out of my sail. But it was also like, oh, my God, like this is over. Thank you, this is finally over.

Speaker 2: 6:23

He left for somebody 15 years younger, which is very odd. So when I was having my son, she was graduating high school, so that's kind of weird. She's not much older than my oldest one, but I felt like now I can find out who I am and what I want to do. After I got divorced, I stayed single for a year. I needed to find out what I wanted to do with my life and I always had this knack for wanting to care for people and help people. So I became a medical assistant. So after a year of being single and finding out what I wanted to do and going to school, I yet again because it's all I knew got into another toxic, abusive relationship. We moved in together and it was horrible.

Speaker 1: 7:05

How did you meet?

Speaker 2: 7:05

him. So when I was still living in a home that I had, he was the security guard for the development that I lived in, and so where we lived in Pennsylvania, we didn't have individual bus stops. Everybody had to drive to the bus and the bus would come to one big giant parking lot and pick up the kids. So he was the security guard there. So he would come over and say good morning and, you know, watch the kids and stuff. And so, you know, he was flirting with me for a little bit. We started talking and then, I don't know, I just said go for it, you know, and I said, hey, like you know, maybe one night we should go for drinks. And because he made it seem like he was what I was looking for, you know, like they trap you, they trap you. Love bombing, exactly, Love bombing Showed me all the things that I never had in my marriage. And then I was stuck Yet again. Stuck how long? Almost four years. But the last year of our relationship we were just roommates.

Speaker 2: 8:04

One day I'm on Instagram and I didn't know that you could see, because I've said several times I'm not tech savvy. So I was like what is that little dot up on. It was a message from John and he said hey there, stranger from you know, like years ago, because years ago I had sent him a message saying hey, guess what? Like I got divorced, what's going on with you? Ha ha, kind of message. But it was when it would go to the other folder. If you aren't friends, you would never know.

Speaker 2: 8:31

And he never read my message. He never read my message, so he didn't know that I was trying to reach out to him. So one day he looked and saw and he's like hey, what's going on here? And then, when I remember, it was his birthday and it was December 30th and it was 2020. And so he said if you ever want to talk, give me a call. And I picked up the phone. I didn't hesitate, I didn't think about it, I just picked up the phone and I was like John, I need to talk to you. And that's where it all began. And I was in therapy at the time and my therapist told me you need to fake it, to make it, you need to get out of this relationship. Because he would, the old boyfriend was putting his hands on me.

Speaker 1: 9:12

Okay.

Speaker 2: 9:14

Uh, and I was terrified. I was terrified I was, I was scared for my life.

Speaker 1: 9:20

Can? Can we touch on this, or is this an area that you don't feel?

Speaker 2: 9:23

No, no, absolutely. Like I said, in all my videos, I'm very open. I have nothing to hide because I don't think that I've done anything wrong.

Speaker 1: 9:34

So everything was fine in the beginning of that relationship and it was a lot of love bombing. When did you realize that this could? When did he first do anything abusive?

Speaker 2: 9:47

The funny thing is is that? So he was really like the first boyfriend that I had after, you know, being with my ex-husband for 23 years, so I didn't know anything different. I just thought that that pattern of behavior was normal. I thought everybody lived that life of the yelling, the fighting, the screaming Stupidly. I let him move into my house because I needed help paying my mortgage. It was my husband, moved out and basically said you're on your own, take me to court. And so that was a whole battle in itself. And so he moved in after a month and I'm really like it's still something that I regret. I should have never have done it, but I was like so enamored by the way that I was being treated. You know, like the, you're so beautiful Like I, like I'm so lucky to have you, like I've never met anybody like you before. All the things that my heart wanted to hear, and I'm I've done it too, Suzanne.

Speaker 1: 10:50

Yeah, I've done it.

Speaker 2: 10:51

And it's when I look back at it, it's so humiliating to me as a woman that I allowed somebody to do that to me. But I was in my early forties, you know, and they say, as you get older you'll learn. You know, and I think that, like even at early 40s, you still have, like this young mind of like I just want love, I just want someone to love me and just to hold me and just to tell me everything's going to be okay. So it was about after two or three months where I started to notice the um, the verbal aggression, um, he would just, you know, tell me to um, shut up. He would like, and I don't know, can I curse Like he would say okay okay, Okay, he would say you know, stop being such a fucking bitch.

Speaker 2: 11:39

And I'm like I'm not even, I'm not even doing anything, Like I had gotten upset because he had taken a plastic bowl and left it on top of my hot stove and burnt the whole bottom of it. I said I can't believe that you just burnt my bowl. He goes it's a fucking plastic bowl, Get the fuck over it. And I was like okay, Like I started to feel fear. And again was like, okay, I'm just going to like crawl inside myself and just be quiet and not step outside the line.

Speaker 1: 12:09

And then it was so he was verbally abusive first.

Speaker 2: 12:13

It was a verbal abuse at first. So it turns out that my house was in my ex-husband's name and he had stopped paying the mortgage. I did not know. And then I get a knock on the door from the sheriff saying you've got to get out, and I was like what? So I had taken my ex-husband to court and he said, no, I'm not paying the mortgage and I'm not signing it over to you. And the house that I had for 15 years, the house that my son learned how to walk in, the house that my parents used to come visit me in, you know, the memories that I had with my mom, were gone and I had to learn that the memories go with you. It's not in the house, it's not in the things, and it took me a long time to get over that. So we found a new place to live and my-.

Speaker 1: 13:05

Can I ask you something and I hate to interrupt because you're really. You said the memories you had with your mom, so I'm just curious is your mom's not with us anymore?

Speaker 2: 13:18

No, May 19th will be 15 years that my mom died. She woke up one day. My mom had lots of health issues, of stroke. She had many strokes. And then, may 19th of 2009, I get a phone call from my younger sister at 5.30 in the morning and at that time she had a dog named Harley.

Speaker 2: 13:40

And when your brain doesn't want to hear trauma or remember trauma, it kind of turns it into something else. So I remember the phone ringing at 5.30 in the morning and it's my younger sister, who is just my best friend, screaming in the phone Harley is dead, harley is dead. And I was like why are you calling me at five 30 in the morning to tell me that your damn dog is dead? And she's like Suzanne, mommy is dead. And I was like what, like it was? I can still remember that feeling of my head just spinning Like what are you talking about?

Speaker 2: 14:14

So my mom had woken up. It was like 530 in the morning or like 515 probably. My middle sister was there. She had to go there. Both my sisters are educators and I think my sister had to go to some kind of a conference.

Speaker 2: 14:28

So she stayed at my parents' house, sadly, that night, because it was closer to where she had to go. So my parents had dogs and my mom said the dogs have to go out. My dad said I'll get it and my mom said no, no, it's okay, I got it. And she walked out of her bedroom on the second floor, walked out of the bedroom, took a few steps and had a massive stroke at the top of the stairs and thank God she didn't know what was coming because her body fell down the stairs and I remember my father saying the only thing that he heard was oh God, she knew that she was, something was happening to her body, but she died right there and her body came tumbling down the stairs and they had just had their house redone and my mom's head hit the tile, the marble floor and, without being too graphic, if you could just imagine what that scene was like. And I remember them telling me that my poor dad tried doing CPR but it was too late, she was gone.

Speaker 1: 15:31

So oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 15:32

Yeah, it was. It was very traumatic and for me I was at that point two hours away. I was literally right over the border of Jersey into Pennsylvania and it was a two hour drive to New York. And I remember I said I want to hour drive to New York and I remember I said I want to say goodbye to my mother, please don't let them take her. I want to say goodbye to my mother. In the movies and on TV shows they make it like they're laying in a hospital bed and they look like they're at peace and you get to go. That was not my experience and nobody told me. We got there as fast as we could and they said are you sure you want to go in? And I said yes, I want to say goodbye to my mother. She was not in a hospital bed, it was not like that. It was like she was a museum showpiece behind a piece of glass, so I couldn't touch her. They didn't clean her up.

Speaker 2: 16:19

She still had all the remnants of her, the blood and everything and all the blood that was in her hair and I wish that I never went in there because I, 15 years later, that's the memory that I have and I just remember banging on the glass. I mean, I'm sure it was very traumatic for my father and my sister to see her. You know, know, but like I had this image in my head of being able to go in see my mom laying in a hospital bed and kiss her, and we had a very my mom and I had a very tough relationship, very tough. There were times in my life when I didn't speak to her, but she made up for it by being a really good grandmother to my kids. That I'm thankful for.

Speaker 1: 17:07

So is your dad still with us? Yeah?

Speaker 2: 17:11

I don't speak to my father. He, you know, men can't be alone. And we said you know you cause? So my parents had just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary and then my mom died a month later. So my dad came here from Israel when he was a teenager, met my mom and they were together their whole lives. So we said you are not to date anybody for a year. Like you need to respect your wife, like you have to do that. So it was a little bit short of a year and I'm like okay, dad, like do you want me to help you get on dating sites? Like I'll set this? He's like no, no, no, no, no. And I said, dad, like we don't want you to be alone.

Speaker 2: 17:51

So a friend of his from work invited us to a 4th of July barbecue where a gold digger was told the story of my dad, like at that time, you know cause I don't speak to him now, but like my dad had money I don't have money. My dad had money because he was smart and as he grew up he knew as a, you know, like a Jewish man, you know, coming really from nothing and coming here, you know, on a boat to Ellis Island. You work, you save, you, work, you save. So she got her grips into my father and my sisters and I kept saying no, like, don't do this, don't do this. She wants you for your money, don't do this. A few months later she said you should sell your house and we said there's something not right here. Like mommy would never want you to sell this house. And you said when you know like mommy dies that and if you pass this house is for me and my sisters to do what we choose to do with, she wound up just becoming a problem.

Speaker 2: 18:47

She an alcoholic. My dad would occasionally have like a Heineken and he would barbecue. My dad wasn't a drinker, he wasn't a smoker. Like we don't come from that background. And then all of a sudden, my father started drinking bottles of wine with her and getting drunk. I would go visit my father on the weekends so my dad could see my kids. They loved my father. We would go visit and he would leave us to go hang out with her. I'm like, why am I here? I remember the night that started it all. I could hear my father trashing me to her on the phone and trashing my ex-husband. What, yeah, because my father thought if he turned the TV up he could talk louder that I wouldn't hear him over the TV.

Speaker 2: 19:27

So back then I had pretty good hearing you know I remember, yeah, and I can remember standing in the bathroom and he was, and he was right, but you know calling my ex-husband a piece of shit, saying that he was, you know, not worth anything, and but I was still married to him at the time. This was the father of my children saying that that I was, you know, not worth anything and but I was still married to him at the time. This was the father of my children saying that, um, that I was lazy. You know, I was a stay-at-home mom, like I. I couldn't work because my husband travels for work and I couldn't put my kids in daycare. I couldn't afford to. I had three of them, so I stayed home and, um, how you know, he was sick of feeling like he had to take care of me and I was like, what are you saying? So I opened up his door and I said I really don't appreciate the things that you're saying to your girlfriend on the phone about me.

Speaker 2: 20:14

And my father was never an aggressive person, like when my mom would hit me and stuff. My father would always go upstairs and close the door and I would cry and scream for him and he never would. He would just say I'm not getting involved, leave me out of it. So I'm not used to my father being verbally aggressive. So he came out of his bedroom door and my son was four and he was yelling poppy, stop, poppy, stop.

Speaker 2: 20:38

And my father said this is my fucking house. I want you and your fucking kids, your dog and your piece of shit husband, and I want you all out, the fuck all to get the fuck out of my house. And I said are you serious right now? So my ex-husband was downstairs because he was getting ready to go to work, because he still worked on Long Island. And he came upstairs and he's like whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? And my father lit him up telling him what he thinks about him and he kicked us all out of the house at four o'clock in the morning. So I didn't talk to my father.

Speaker 1: 21:11

What was his reasoning?

Speaker 2: 21:12

I don't understand that Because he felt that I was eavesdropping. I'm like I wasn't eavesdropping. You're talking so loud I can hear you over the TV. Like, if you want to shit, talk me, wait until I'm not here. So I think he was more embarrassed that he got caught. And because she's such an aggressive human being, she is very volatile. She had even put her hands on my sister at one point. So she's very volatile and she probably said you better go whatever. And so she's very volatile and she probably said you better go whatever. And I said if I leave, this is the last time you're going to see me. And he said I don't give a shit. I said what were sleeping downstairs and we packed up at 4.30 in the morning and headed back home and I didn't talk to my father for five years. Next thing I know I find out that he was getting married to that woman.

Speaker 2: 22:16

So then I found out that he sold my mother's house and moved into her condo. Nothing of my mother's was allowed. She's so crazy that my father he wasn't allowed to have a microwave. She's one of those. She's a motivational speaker but she's an alcoholic. Talking about my family is very hard because I don't want to. I feel bad kind of exposing, but at another point like I don't care because like he did this, so let me interject.

Speaker 1: 22:50

Let me interject there because you touch on a really good point. I also have the same type of thing. I have a lot of trauma. I have a lot of, you know, with exes and stuff like that in my life and it it's really hard to talk about that, knowing that you could potentially hurt somebody else with your story. But I also realized it's really hard to talk about that, knowing that you could potentially hurt somebody else with your story. But I also realized it's my story too. Being on the podcast it's really helped me kind of open up and kind of take that weight off of me that's been sitting there for a really long time.

Speaker 2: 23:18

It's like therapy. Yeah, that's why I got on TikTok, because I didn't know how else to do it.

Speaker 2: 23:23

That's why I got on TikTok, because I didn't know how else to do it. Because I mean, I I have Facebook, but only people that I know in my real life, or my family and my family that live in Israel. That's my way of keeping touch with people. I don't just add people for the sake of adding them. I need to know you personally. So getting a TikTok was very hard for me, but that's why I did it, because I felt like I had so much to say and nobody to say it to. I wanted to help, but I didn't know how.

Speaker 2: 23:50

Five years went by and my sisters had told me that when they went to the wedding for my father and they kept saying, dad, you don't have to do this Cause he kept saying I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this. Um, and yeah, and I should have known when, because when I got married, I kept saying I can't do this, I can't do this, and they're like it's just nerves, it's just butterflies. I'm like, no, I really get it. You know what my mother always told me listen to your gut instinct, come to my wedding, so anyway.

Speaker 2: 24:25

So five years had gone by and when I told my sister she's leaving, she's like I think you need to call daddy. And I was like no, I haven't spoke to him in five years. Like no, he's dead to me. And she said, suzanne, this is the time where you need your family. And I said I don't think I can do it. And she's like, listen, having a birthday party, you should come to New York. And I was like oh God, this is going to kill me. So it was like a big pumpkin patch and I kept looking at my father. I'm like, oh, I'm going to vomit, I know, I, just I just felt so sick because I haven't seen him or spoken to him in five years.

Speaker 2: 24:55

So we're walking through the field looking for pumpkins and my father said should I say it now or should I wait until later? And I said if you have something to say, just say it. And he said I told you so. And I said, dad, I stuck it out for 18 years, for 23 years together. There's no. I told you. So I did it and he's like okay, so it's over. So now what? And I said you're my father and I love you. And you chose not to speak to me. You gave up your daughter for your girlfriend.

Speaker 2: 25:21

We started visiting and reconnecting and, um, but his wife is a very big, raging alcoholic. She could drink two, three bottles of wine by herself Like it was water. My dad is now his birthday wishes this past March, so I think he just turned 76. I went to New York last year It'll be two years when my daughter had my grandson and I told my father. I said we're all going to be at my sister's house. You know we would love for you to come, but is not welcome. Nobody wants her here Cause there were times where like so they, my sisters had told me they tried having an intervention with my father to say listen, like this is not good, like you're drinking because of her.

Speaker 2: 26:09

She causes fights with the family. She's mean to the kids. She grabbed my sister. My sister had a broken wrist at that point, um and she grabbed my sister by the wrist and said to her listen to me, little girl. Anything happens to your father. You're not coming to my house, you're not getting anything from this house. She's sick. Her own children don't speak to her.

Speaker 1: 26:30

She's sick.

Speaker 2: 26:32

She's one of those who come and divide and then conquer. So my dad randomly started having health issues, started losing his memory, wasn't able to walk, turns out my dad had encephalitis, he had some fluid on the brain and he wasn't himself, he couldn't remember things. And then his temperament started to change and he was becoming very aggressive again and very hostile and my sisters were like listen, we're done, we're trying to help you. You want no part of it. He cut everybody off for his wife again.

Speaker 1: 27:04

I said I can't do this again. Was he not in love with her? What did she have over him? I don't understand.

Speaker 2: 27:11

We don't know, we don't know what she has over him. So the whole family sees it, the whole family sees it but my father.

Speaker 2: 27:21

When I decided to pick up and move here to Alabama, I wanted to say goodbye to my father. We were not welcome at the house because Connie didn't want us there, and I said there's no way you're going to stop me from saying goodbye to my father and for John to see my dad, who he hasn't seen in almost 30 years, and we wanted to go for hibachi and sushi for dinner. She said no, and your father can't go either. So I was like this is not happening. So my youngest sister, john, and I were just dating at the time Well, you know, dating again at the time and my sister went over there and we opened that door and walked right in and my dad was like I love you, like I'm so glad that you guys are back together. Like you know, I hated, so happy for you. And then she came home from wherever she was, and she was pissed that we were in the house because she thought that we were going to the getting to my father's mind, convincing him of what she's doing.

Speaker 1: 28:18

How can this woman be a motivational speaker? And completely keep this family apart.

Speaker 2: 28:28

She brainwashed him. My sisters and I have said that she has done something to him. She has brainwashed him so much so to separate him, so when he dies, she gets everything. Because my dad had already had a will. And he said when my mother dies, when my mother died, don't worry that, god forbid, when I die, you and your sisters will be. I said I'd rather have you alive. I don't care about what you're leaving me, I'd rather have you alive. I don't care about any of that. Turns out that she had him change his will, of course. So if she can keep him away from the family and not have it spilled, my.

Speaker 2: 29:08

So John was there and was like you know, nice to meet you. And she's like, what are you doing in my house? And I was like whoa, whoa, whoa. Like you were not going to speak to him this way, like no. And then my dad, like it was like his robot, you know turned on and he was like I think you should go.

Speaker 2: 29:25

And my sister, we were both crying like dad, don't you see, don't you see that she's controlling you? Like we're your children, we're your children. How do you not see what's happening here? You need to go, you need to go. And she was like get the fuck out of my house. And my husband was like what is happening here? Who look out of my house? And my husband was like what is happening here? Who is this person? And I said I told you, I told you. So we went out for dinner. My dad was not allowed to go. And then a few hours later we get a phone call. My dad said I don't care what she says, I'm coming. And we were like yes, he's coming and he and he had the best time. He's getting you know sake shot out his mouth from the hibachi guy and he had a great time and I have pictures of at night of crying saying goodbye to my dad, because you know I was moving to Alabama. It's not like I could just drive around the block to see him.

Speaker 1: 30:15

I got chills. I'm so glad he came.

Speaker 2: 30:21

Yeah, he came and that was the last time that I saw my father. So my daughter got pregnant and she was having a baby and she was still living in Pennsylvania at the time and my family was on Long Island. So we wanted my dad to come and visit. And we said, dad, we want to see you so bad, but we think it'd be better if you come. And he said that's my wife. And I said but, dad, she does. She causes nothing but stress and upsets everybody, and I'm only here for a few days and I just want to spend time with you. And he said no, not coming without my wife.

Speaker 2: 30:52

I said okay, and then I never heard from him again and then I was diagnosed with cancer. He never called. He knows, you know, when I found out that I had cancer I had to call my sisters because, um, I at first I wasn't sure if it was genetic because my father's father, um, she died when I was 13 of breast cancer. She had a hard life, she was in Auschwitz, she was in a concentration camp while she was pregnant with my father, it was a whole thing and she died of breast cancer. So I wasn't sure if it was genetic at the time and I said I need to tell you guys something. I have breast cancer, so they had told my father.

Speaker 1: 31:30

They still have a relationship with him. They still call him I wouldn't call it a- relationship.

Speaker 2: 31:35

I would call it a. Once in a while he'll send a text. He really just couldn't care about anybody. He's checked out, he's completely checked out, yeah. So one of my sisters said you know, uh, you know, I spoke to daddy and I told him and I said listen to me right now, don't tell him anything else, because now that he knows and he didn't reach out weeks later I don't want him to know anything. It's not his place, it's not his business. I want him to know nothing. I don't know if he's ever asked. I don't want to know because, no matter what and no matter how old I am, for your oldest daughter to be diagnosed with breast cancer, to know that you watched your own mother suffer with it and to die from it, to not say, no matter what, you're still my daughter. Nothing, radio silence. That is heartbreaking. What? You're still my daughter? Nothing, radio silence.

Speaker 1: 32:22

That is heartbreaking.

Speaker 2: 32:24

So this past Christmas I was like the sheer audacity. I get a card in the mail from my father. Merry Christmas, right. So, yeah, we're Jewish, but, like when I was a kid, we still celebrated Christmas and Hanukkah. But you know cause? We want them to be like everybody else and get Christmas presents. And, um, I did too. Yeah, he sent me a Christmas card, you know, you know, to Suzanne and John. Merry Christmas Hope, all as well.

Speaker 2: 33:03

Here's a was so angry and I said you, you're out of your fucking mind. So I said I'm going to take the time and I'm going to compose a letter. So I wrote him a letter and I said thank you. But no, thank you. How dare you reach out to me after I've gone through cancer? How dare you send me a $100 check a year later, even after I got married? Not a card, not a congratulations, nothing.

Speaker 2: 33:40

After everything that I've been through, I don't want anything from you. So here's your check. Don't ever, ever reach out to me again. I'm done with you. Put it in an envelope. I went to the post office and I said I need to make sure that this envelope lands in his hands only because if she gets a hold of it. He won't get it. So they made it so it had to be signed by the person it was addressed to, and I got the thing back saying that it was signed by my father, because I know his signature my whole life. I lived that way, with him not being there. That's what I was going to ask you.

Speaker 1: 34:14

Yeah, he's not emotional, he's not connected like that. No Kind of a stone, that no no, my mother is.

Speaker 2: 34:22

My mother was. You know and I hate to speak ill about her, but you know she was. You know she had a tough life. You know Brooklyn kid toxic family. You know she had a brother that used to beat her up and he pushed her through a window. And you know, back in the, my mom was born in 51. So back in those days he used to beat the crap out of your kids. So it's all my mother knew. So my mother used to beat the crap out of me Anytime she would get her hands on me, I would scream for my father to help or to get her off of me and he would say leave me out of it and would go upstairs and close the bedroom.

Speaker 2: 34:54

Yeah, he was never there. My father's way of being there was to just throw money at you or like which is what he just did. Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. See, I didn't even see it that way. That's what he just did is by sending me that check. I don't need your money, I've got my own money. I maybe had to work right now because of my whole situation, but I've got my own money. I don't need your measly hundred dollar check. Hope, all is well.

Speaker 1: 35:27

Hope all is well. I just went through breast cancer you moron?

Speaker 2: 35:29

No, I'm not well. He doesn't see it as doing anything wrong. He thinks the way to connect is to send money and let you know he hears you. It makes me sad because he is older, he is not in good health and I know that one day I'm going to be without my father and everybody says you know that's your father and I'm like I understand that, but there's a difference between being a father and being a dad A hundred percent. And he wasn't my dad. It's how he made you feel.

Speaker 1: 35:52

If he's toxic to you and your world. That's it. It's about you.

Speaker 2: 35:58

Right and I'm grown now. You know I I'm not a little kid that you know has to worry and you know I don't have to turn to him when I need you know. You know, dad, I need new tires on my car and I can't afford the $400, you know, now they're like $800, but, like you know, dad, I can't afford this or I can't pay my bill. Can you help me? You know I don't. I don't need that. What I needed was a father after my mother died and he turned to somebody that my mother would be spinning in her canister if she knew, because my mother hated women like her. She's a vulture and we know that she's just waiting for my dad to die.

Speaker 2: 36:41

That's heartbreaking when my sisters would go visit him in the hospital. His wife would say they're not allowed in and my sister said the fuck, we're not allowed in. That's our father.

Speaker 1: 36:54

Back to your relationship. You were telling me he started to verbally be abusive.

Speaker 2: 37:02

Oh the old boyfriend.

Speaker 1: 37:02

He verbally he started to verbally be abusive. Oh the old boyfriend.

Speaker 2: 37:04

I guess they see things and act in ways that they bring home with them.

Speaker 1: 37:10

So I started Like military similar to the PTSD type stuff. Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2: 37:18

So I started getting on the receiving end of that. So it started becoming more of like, you know, grabbing me by the arm. At that time, just, my son was living with me and I think he was probably 14 or 15. And my son's a big kid. I mean, I'm five foot three and my son is probably six foot at this point, but he's very big and stocky and he was living with me and he would say I don't like him, I hate him, I don't like him, I don't like the, I hate him, I don't like him, I don't like the way he talks to you. And then it started becoming more of like little shoves and I would say, okay, stop putting your hands on me. Oh, stop, cut it out, I'm just playing. I'm like no, you're not playing, you're knocking me off my feet. Stop putting your fucking hands on me.

Speaker 2: 38:05

Then he started calling me the C word and I was like no, sir, we don't use that word around here no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you are not going to start calling me that. There was no intimacy in the relationship, like none. And that was hard because you know, I was in the, I was in my prime, I was, you know, like in my early forties and there was none. Let's just say he had problems.

Speaker 1: 38:31

So it was. You know what I mean. You see me, You're feeling me Got it.

Speaker 2: 38:37

Okay. His frustration from that would be taken out on me and I'm like that's like, I'm trying in here, but like you, you, you can't do what needs to be done.

Speaker 1: 38:49

So like that's not my problem he's projecting yeah and shameful, he's shamed.

Speaker 2: 38:55

Yeah, he feels that, not that you were doing it but he's just feeling it, yes, and he uh, you know, tried medications that wasn't working. So I'm like, listen, like I don't know what you want me to do here, but I love you. So if this is the way it's gotta be, it's the way it's gotta be, like he would get more and more angry. One night my son came out of his room, uh, because he heard my ex-boyfriend from the other room tell me to shut my fucking mouth, you stupid C word. And my son, who I would always hold back and say stop, stay out of it, don't do anything Like I don't. I can't break up a fight, stop. And I was like that's it, like I need somebody to protect me and if that's going to be my son, that's who it's going to be.

Speaker 2: 39:48

And my son went into the bedroom and he like put his arm like to block me, and he looked at him as my ex-boyfriend is laying on the bed and he said and my son never would use bad words in front of me. And he said, if you ever talk to my mother like that again, he goes I swear to God, I'll break your fucking neck. Don't ever talk to my mother like that again. And so he said what are you going to do a little boy. What do you think you're going to do, benjamin?

Speaker 1: 40:07

You're not going to do shit. Oh my God, you must have been freaking out. You must have been freaking out.

Speaker 2: 40:11

I said to him don't you ever sound like that again, ever, Because you can say and do what you want to me and I will cry and I will get emotional, but when you mess with my kids and I I will, I will do some damage. Don't mess with my kids, Damn right. And my son, my son, said to me the next day mommy, I can't do this anymore. And I said what do you mean? He said I can't, I can't be here anymore. So he wanted to go stay with his father and that killed me, because I lost my son.

Speaker 1: 40:47

I was going to ask you yeah. So in that moment did you feel like it was an ultimatum, where it's him or him, your own son?

Speaker 2: 40:57

In a way, yes, but in a way again. I needed somebody to pay the rent and at that time I was working part-time in a grocery store and going to medical assisting school. I was making 10.25 an hour. I couldn't pay rent. I couldn't do anything, even though I was living on food stamps. I couldn't do anything. So my therapist said listen, you got to fake it to make it. You're going to get out. You're going to fake it to make it. You have to just play along and keep your head down low and just buy your time until you can get out. And that's what I did, was he?

Speaker 1: 41:35

ever physically abusive? Or was it just verbal? That's bad enough, I'm not.

Speaker 2: 41:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there were times where, yeah, so we had the place where we were living in, he kept falling behind on the rent. Like I paid all the other bills, like I would obviously food stamps, I would buy the groceries and then, like I would pay, like the Wi-Fi and the cable, he paid the rent. So his, the relationship was ending like two years in, I mean it. It there was no relationship. Yeah, we would go places together. He was my boyfriend, I was his girlfriend, we would hold hands, but we were roommates. And he said, if I'm going to pay the rent, I'm not getting out of the bed. And I was like, but we're like, we're not intimate and I can't have you in my bed. Like this is my bed. You like, all of this stuff that we have is mine, because you came in with nothing. Everything we have, down to the fork and spoon, is mine. This is my bed. Well, if you want me to pay the rent, I'm sleeping in the bed. Well, if you want me to pay the rent, I'm sleeping in the bed. So I got a big, long body pillow and I said, okay, this is where the line is drawn, because you're not coming on my side of the bed and that's how we lived. So he stopped paying, like, kept falling behind the rent. So we had to get out again. So now I moved a half hour away from my son and that killed me. I said to to my son do you want to come? It's a bigger house, it's really nice. And he said no, I can't be near. No, but I would still hang out with my son. I'd go see him.

Speaker 2: 43:14

Like we, you know, we would do things. My older daughter and her boyfriend, they, they moved in with us and I remember every time that my ex would do something. I would record it of what had happened, because I said to my sisters if anything happens to me, it's either or it's my ex-husband. We were upstairs and my older daughter and her boyfriend were downstairs and in Pennsylvania we have concealed carry, you know, and her boyfriend had a gun. My ex-boyfriend had shoved me across the room. I fell to the floor and I started screaming stop putting your hands on me. Like what is wrong with you? Like he went downstairs and he was causing a scene and my daughter's boyfriend came out of the room and said I'm telling you, I'm going to give you one chance If you put your hands on her again. I promise you this isn't going to end well for you.

Speaker 2: 44:08

At that point we had, like this little shed outside and he would spend his nights in the shed. He would go out there tinkling around and I went to bed alone every night. But at that point John and I were already communicating. We were not in a relationship, we were roommates. So I was not cheating, I was not doing anything wrong, I was faking it to make it. At that time, john and I would waste time all night long and it was like the time had just never your light, it was your light, yeah, in the darkness.

Speaker 2: 44:38

He came into my life at a time where, like I've said so many times in my videos, like, yeah, I'm Jewish, but I'm so not like I'm not religious, I'm more like, I'm all about, like spirituality and good vibes, and I'm very proud to say that I'm Jewish because my grandmother escaped a concentration camp. You know, and um, you know, I mean, I have Hebrew writing tattoos, you know, on me and, um, you know, I'm very proud to say that I'm Jewish. Do I practice the religion? No, but in my heart I'm Jewish for my heritage and it means a lot. But I do feel like people are put in your place and space and in time for a reason.

Speaker 2: 45:18

And I think that the reason why John and I had broken up in 97, not only because you know I had I chased, you know the bad boy was chasing me and John was such a good, loving, you know, italian family oriented, like gentle giant, but somehow some way from Pennsylvania to Alabama, brought us back together and we would FaceTime every night and when I would come home from work I'd call him and we would talk on my travels and we would send songs to each other all the time and my therapist knew about it and she said just be careful, john and I were talking and it was around like October of 2019. And he called me and he said guess who's coming up North? And I said are you kidding me? He's like I got to come up for a wedding in Jersey. And I said, oh my God, because we haven't seen each other like in person. And he's in the other room.

Speaker 2: 46:17

So, yeah, he's listening. So, like you can just see how, like just talking about it, it like he is the light of my life, he is, he's my home, he's my home. So he said, but it's not so all gonna make me want to get.

Speaker 1: 46:34

You're gonna make me want to get back on bumble suzanne. Well, that's. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it listen.

Speaker 2: 46:44

I have a friend back home who is getting married because I made him get on bumble and it's so sad I can't go to his wedding because it's when my when my next surgery is going to be. And he's and I was texting him and I said you know, like Rob, I can't come home. And he's like if it weren't for he's, like if it weren't for you. I said no, if it weren't for you. He said no, you pushed me to do this, you pushed me to get on Bumble, and because of you I'm getting married. So yeah, Bumble was a great thing, because women make the first. You know, they make the first move. That Bumble was so empowering to me because I got to choose if I wanted to talk to you or not.

Speaker 1: 47:22

That was great, but it's been years, but I mean, just just hearing your love story, I'm like oh, damn it, I know, damn it, I'm going to have to do it.

Speaker 2: 47:30

But you know what, when, when love is right, you know that it's for you. That's that's when you know that it's your person. You know, I, I went through some, believe me. I went on some. I went on some dates that were just like what, ew, no. But so John had to come up to New Jersey and I was only two hours away in Pennsylvania, so, but I had to wait till August, and this was in October. He was coming up, it was supposed to be April 13th, and I said he's like I'm going to, I'm going to get you a room and you know you can come and stay. I said, okay, so I didn't tell my ex-boyfriend. I said I'm, I'm going to be gone for the weekend and, um, I'll be back. He's like, where are you going? I said it's none of your business, you're not my boyfriend. Well, where are't supposed to be there until the 13th?

Speaker 2: 48:29

So I remember, yeah, but I wanted to catch him off guard.

Speaker 2: 48:33

So I got all dolled up, you know, and I made the drive to the hotel and you know he drives a big white Suburban with Alabama plates. I'm like it can't be hard to find, I'll drive around the parking lot. I'm driving, he's like, where are you going? And I said, oh, I'm going to go meet my daughter, Jordan. I'm going to go meet Jordan and Richie for dinner. And where are you going? I'm like, oh, I named a restaurant that was back home somewhere. I'm like, all right, listen, let me follow the GPS, Because I didn't know where I was going. I'm like I got to follow the GPS, I'll call you later. He's like Okay, I love you. I said, I love you too, and so I took a picture by his license plate and I said Come find me.

Speaker 2: 49:14

Ding Dong was sleeping. Yes, he had made a 15 hour drive and he wasn't expecting me till the next day. So I'm like damn damn it. So one of his kids had called and said daddy, like you need to wake up. And he calls me and he's like where are you? I said, what do you mean? Where am I? Like look at your phone. And he's like you gotta be kidding me. And all of a sudden I hear from the way off in the dark park like he's running in his sneakers. They weren't even tied and he just scooped me up into his arms and just kissed me and it was like something out of a Lifetime movie. Everybody tells me you know your love story is like a Lifetime movie and it was like I can't like.

Speaker 2: 50:01

It still makes my heart flutter. And we spent those few days together me, his two kids, his mother, who was like a mother to me back in the day in the 90s and they went to the wedding. They're like you should have brought her. I'm like, well, you know I wasn't invited, so what you know. They went to the wedding and they had a great time and I stayed in the hotel and I said I don't want you to leave. He said I'm going to stay an extra few days. So he told his job, I'm going to stay in Jersey a few more days and when I had to leave to come home, I said I can't do this Like this. I need to be with you.

Speaker 2: 50:38

I never my kids would tell him stories that when I was married that I would say to their father. John would never do that to me. John would never treat me that way because my ex-husband was so jealous of John because they knew each other yeah, so you could get back at him, but you really meant it, though he yeah, oh, I for sure meant it.

Speaker 2: 50:59

Yeah, sure meant it. Just to dig at him because I knew that, like that was the way to hurt him. So, um, they were like so this is the notorious John. They knew who he was and so three weeks later I flew down here. I said I miss you so much, I can't take it. I took some PTO from work. At that time I was, you know, I was a certified medical assistant. I was working in dermatology back in New York. I said I'm taking some PTO and I'm flying down here. And I flew down and I said this is where I need to be. So we made the plan of getting me out of there.

Speaker 2: 51:35

John arranged for me to have one of those U-Haul pods packed up all my stuff. And the crazy thing was, as I can remember, we had the ring doorbell at the time while I was still living with my ex-boyfriend and my daughter he's like my son-in-law, because he's the father of my grandson and she called me at work. She's like you've got to come home. I said what do you mean? She's like f*** off. I said what do you mean? She said he turned off the wifi so we couldn't see what he was doing in the ring doorbell and he cleared house and left. I said you've got to be kidding. He took all your stuff. No, he took his stuff, but this what he did was.

Speaker 2: 52:16

I have photo albums like this you know I'm an eighties and nineties kid and photo albums you know I'm an 80s and 90s kid and photo albums. This, yeah, me too. This, this idiot took out photo albums from when I was like 14, 15 and 16 years old, lined them all up on the bed and said it wasn't even pictures of John. It wasn't even John. It was like a boy that I dated in like eighth and ninth grade and said oh my.

Speaker 1: 52:44

God enjoy your new relationship.

Speaker 2: 52:46

You know I'll always love you, La la la. And packed up his stuff and left and I was like, well, he made it easier for me.

Speaker 1: 52:53

Hell yeah, he did.

Speaker 2: 52:55

Yep.

Speaker 1: 52:55

And then your eighth grade boyfriend too, apparently made it easier for you.

Speaker 2: 52:59

I know what the hell Such an idiot, such an idiot, such an idiot. What Yep. John flew up to get me and we drove back down together and I've been here now two years, this past January, reunited after almost 30 years.

Speaker 1: 53:13

Yeah, reunited, and it feels so good, and that's exactly the TikTok video that I made.

Speaker 2: 53:20

because when we got married, I made a TikTok video of photos from when we were kids and then I played, reunited behind it, to where we are now. Because when I got cancer, I said if something's going to happen to me, I want you to be able to make the decisions, because I don't know what's going to happen.

Speaker 1: 53:40

We're about to get really heavy. You can take a pause and come back and film part two. It's up to you. I'm I'm game, I do it at my house, so I don't care. Whatever you feel like doing.

Speaker 2: 53:52

I could do it now. I came, I came prepared. So then my life changed.

Speaker 1: 54:02

When did you find out you had breast cancer?

Speaker 2: 54:04

So I moved down here January of 2022. June of 2022, I had to have a hysterectomy and they said, because of my family history, they didn't want to put me on hormones. Let's see how you do. Some people react well and they don't get hot flashes and they don't get mood swings and they don't get all the things that come along with it. I said, okay.

Speaker 2: 54:29

So I had my hysterectomy and about a week later I was laying in bed and I remember feeling like I was lit on fire from my toenails to the top of my head. It was the most excruciating pain that I've ever felt. I didn't know what was happening. My skin felt like I was being burned and John wasn't home at the time and my mother-in-law was staying with us and I said I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening. My heart is racing. I called the doctor and she said to me in her sweet little flubbing accent oh honey, that's your first hot flash. And I said I'm in pain. I'm in pain like this hurts really bad. It hurts really bad. I feel like I'm yeah. So she said we need to get you in here. Okay, so the next day I went in and I loved my doctor, but unfortunately he was retiring.

Speaker 2: 55:19

So he drew John and I a diagram and said if I put you on hormones? So which was progesterone and estrogen? He said if I put you on hormones it's kind of like feeding the fire that's been put out. I said okay. He said you're running a risk. The risk is pretty low, since nobody else in your family had breast cancer. Let's just try it and see what happens. We'll put you on very low dose. I said okay, and within a few days I was like oh my God. But then the insomnia kicked in and I was staring at the ceiling every night, crying I can't sleep, I can't sleep, I can't sleep. So they had to play with my meds and then I was on hormones and it was great. The hot flashes were were minimal at best, but the insomnia was just terrible and the mood swings were just out of control. But I had to learn to deal with it.

Speaker 1: 56:20

Were you taking anything for the insomnia? Were you using anything that you found at the store?

Speaker 2: 56:26

So, being a medical assistant, I was working for my own doctor and I said can you please help me? So we tried Ambien and for me I had what's called the paradoxical effect, meaning my brain had the opposite reaction to what it was supposed to do. The Ambien made me hyper and made me like bounce off the walls. It's the same thing Like if I was to take NyQuil. I can't take NyQuil. I'm not like the commercial where you see people drooling and they're, like you know, having the best sleep ever. So I tried Ambien. It didn't do anything for me.

Speaker 2: 57:00

So then I just started living on Benadryl. Not good, benadryl has so many bad things Like they think it leads to dementia and all these things. I'm like I don't care, I'm desperate to sleep. So then we tried um uh, trazodone. Didn't do anything. Then we tried temazepam, which was great, but my body built up a tolerance to temazepam and it wasn't working anymore. So now I take cleonazepam and sometimes it helps me sleep, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I'll take a Benadryl on top of it. I shouldn't, but I do and I go to sleep. But with menopause came really bad brain fog and stuff and the weight. Just I just ballooned from the weight From the medicine?

Speaker 1: 57:42

Did the medicine cause the weight gain From menop medicine?

Speaker 2: 57:44

cause from menopause, the weight menopause from menopause Okay.

Speaker 1: 57:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 2: 57:49

So, um, all of a sudden, I was getting like this belly fat that I never had before. So before I had kids, you know I had made a video yesterday about it on my tech talk. Actually, um, before I had kids, I w you know I'm only five foot three. So before I had kids, I was 127 pounds. When I had my first one, I was 215 pounds. So the doctor's like you are gaining like too much weight. I'm like that's fine, I'm skinny, it's going to come off. It's fine, it's fine. Three kids later, three C-sections later, the weight never came off. I was always stuck with the belly. So then in 2008, I had a botched tummy tuck Worst mistake I ever made, because it just All right, wait, wait.

Speaker 1: 58:29

I want to hear about this. I want to hear about this. Well, hold on. The reason I want to hear about it is because I've always been a thicker person. That's just me. I always wanted to do a tummy tuck. I never have, but I always wanted to. And so you what? How old were you? I had a botched.

Speaker 2: 58:46

I was God. How old was I in 2008? Somewhere in my 40s? I can't, don't ask me to math.

Speaker 2: 58:51

I said okay, I'm going to have a tummy tuck. So you know, I did a lot of research and you know I had like just this, this belly that hung because of the tummy tuck. So I found a doctor and he said, oh yeah, we'll make you look great, we'll remove all this weight. And I said, okay, great. When I woke up I said, oh my God, all the fat is gone. So I had drains and it was awful and it's one of the most excruciating surgeries that you can have. So, yeah, because all like the nerves and tendons and muscles and everything gets cut and removed. And so they went removing seven pounds of fat from my belly. But he left me with these chunky side handles. So I remember going to his office and saying why are these here? He's like all those are just called dog ears, they'll go away. They never went away.

Speaker 2: 59:42

So he like tortured me in his office and like would lipo with just a syringe. It was awful. He would numb me with like, like lidocaine or something. Yeah, like I, like I had actually written to the show botched. I said I want to get on your show. They never replied. He, he was supposed to go in and like corset the top of my belly to pull in all those muscles, but he didn't. So I was always left with like this hard beer belly kind of Like you could punch me in the belly, and it was just hard. He never removed like that internal fat and I had signed a waiver saying that I won't come after him. I won't sue him. So yeah, wow.

Speaker 1: 1:00:26

Is this guy still practicing? Is he still out there? Yeah, he's still out there.

Speaker 2: 1:00:32

He's still out there, but I signed a waiver so I was always very self conscious about it. So I tend to gain weights in my belly and in my butt and I always liked my butt so it was okay, but the belly I always hated. So with my ex leaving came depression and anxiety and panic attacks and I would eat my way through everything. I was a very like emotional eater. I was a closet eater, I was a secret eater and I started gaining weight. But the heaviest that I ever got was probably maybe 160 pounds.

Speaker 2: 1:01:09

But 160 pounds and five foot three is obese and I would always hide behind sweatshirts and stuff and my sister would say it's 90 degrees outside and you're in a hoodie, I'm like you mind your business, I'm fine. Yeah, stay over there, I'm good. Yeah, I'm good, just don't in a hoodie, I'm like you mind your business, I'm fine. Yeah, stay over there, I'm good. Yeah, I'm good, just don't worry about it, I'm fine, I'm dying and melting in the air. But so when I went into menopause the weight just ballooned. My cheeks got out to here. And you know I've said so many times on my TikTok that I've lost 72 pounds and nobody's asked me how, but I lost it on Manjaro Um and.

Speaker 1: 1:01:46

Oh, oh, that's what I'm on right now. I'm on that because of diabetes it was.

Speaker 2: 1:01:51

it was because of that it was brought on. So my mother had diabetic complications. So she had, like her whole family had, um, had diabetic disease. So when I had gone for blood tests, my doctor who I, the wife that I worked for, said your A1C is through the roof. And this is when Monjuro and Ozempic and Magovi and all of these things came onto the market and he said we're going to put you on this because, um, you're going to you're pre-diabetic.

Speaker 2: 1:02:19

So I wasn't doing it for weight loss that was part of it, but it was because I didn't want to drop dead. I didn't want to have to, like, rely on insulin. It was from October to January and I had lost like 30 something pounds and it was great. And then my insurance changes said no, you can't have it anymore, you have to go in Ozempic. And Ozempic didn't do anything for me. Manjaro turns off that craving, turns off that desire in your brain. Where Ozempic didn't do that for me. Manjaro turns off that craving, turns off that desire in your brain. Where Ozempic didn't do that for me, I would still say I could eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Ozempic never made me feel like I had enough and push the plate away where Manjaro did. I think I'm reversed.

Speaker 1: 1:02:58

Really I'm reversed. I am reversed, yeah, because Ozempic worked well for me. I'm reversed. I am reversed, yeah, cause Ozempic worked well for me, but I couldn't get it anymore. It was like back ordered.

Speaker 2: 1:03:13

So my doctor's like you need to get on something and we're not able to get you on this, because everybody's buying it. So they flipped me and put me on Manjaro. I don't think it.

Speaker 1: 1:03:18

I don't think it works as well for me.

Speaker 2: 1:03:20

Yeah, push me back, it works as well for me, yeah, so what dose do you want? Push me back.

Speaker 2: 1:03:25

Yeah, I think I'm at like yeah, I was on two, I was at 2.5 on Ozempic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was so. So when my insurance started over again that January and they said no more Manjaro, I said what they said, but you can have Ozempic. I'm like I'll try it. So I went on the Ozempic and I had to stay on it for a year and I probably only lost like maybe 20 pounds in a year. I was so frustrated. Then, when I married John when I, yeah, when I married John, his insurance said, okay, you could have Monjaro. I'm like, yes, so now I went from. I went from 215 and I now weight 142.

Speaker 2: 1:04:00

I went from 215 and I now weight 142. So I saw my doctor last week and I said I just want to lose a few more pounds. I need to lose some of this belly fat that won't go away. It's called visceral belly fat from menopause. I said I want to lose some of the belly fat. John thinks I'm too skinny, but I said I want to lose a few more pounds and then I'll go down to 2.5, just as maintenance. The pharmacies know they'll give it to the people that really need it first, before the people that are just on it for weight loss. So that's why, you know, eli Lilly came out with Zepound, so to help them, because that's just written for weight loss alone. Wegovi is the same thing as it was epic, just meant for weight loss. So, yeah, the Manjaro has has worked for me. So I had started taking the Manjaro and I had lost, probably at that time, 35 pounds.

Speaker 2: 1:04:53

I was in the shower and, um, I happened to just, you know, just be washing, and you know I have hair extensions and I'm moving my extensions out of the way and I'm washing and I said what is that? Oh, probably nothing. I find it myself because every year. Since my thirties I've gone from mammograms because of my grandmother dying of breast cancer and I was always told you're clear, but it's dense, cystic breasts, dense cystic breasts, dense cystic breasts. So whenever I would get a period, I would feel the cyst in my breasts and it didn't click to me like, well, you don't have your period right now, so why would you be feeling anything? And I thought nothing of it. A couple of weeks go by, I'm in the shower again and I said it's getting bigger. And it was literally like right here in the axilla. And I called my husband and I said John, come in the bathroom. And he said what I said do you feel that? And he said, yeah, what is that? I said I don't know, but that's not supposed to be there, john, he's like you, sure I'm like.

Speaker 2: 1:05:55

Well, they used to tell me that I had dense cystic breasts that doesn't feel like a cyst that's getting bigger, called my gynecologist and they said you need to get in here now because you're on hormones oh my God. So they said we need to send you for a diagnostic mammogram. That's different than a regular mammogram and I said so. A regular mammogram is just to check you, make sure there's nothing there. I went to the doctor. They felt something and now when you go for a diagnostic, they need to see what is there. They need to diagnose something that was found. And I said, oh my god. And they said I'm going to have you have an ultrasound. I said okay.

Speaker 2: 1:06:43

So they got me in right away, um did the mammogram and then I had to go to the next room and have the ultrasound tech do the ultrasound. And you know they're not allowed to tell you anything. And I kept. I kept squirming every time she hit it and I said I remember laying there and just crying. You know the machine is turned, you can't see. And I said I know you can't tell me anything. And she said no, I'm so sorry. And I said can you look at me? And she just looked at me and she closed her eyes and she said we'll send a report to your doctor. And I knew I said, oh my God, I've got cancer.

Speaker 2: 1:07:31

And John was waiting for me and I walked out to the car and I said I know they're going to tell me. He's like maybe it's nothing, maybe it's nothing. And I said John, I've got cancer, maybe it's nothing. And I said, john, I've got cancer. And then it was just a just a snowball effect rolling down the hill of rush, rush, rush.

Speaker 2: 1:07:53

So then they said, um, I needed to see a surgeon. So, like he's taking a deep breath in the next room because he's reliving it, yeah, and um, um. So I went to our local surgeon and he said this is too big for me, you need to go. Um. So we live in a small town and we don't really have a lot of doctors here. Um, most of the doctors are in the bigger cities. He said you need to go to, um, the doctors are in the bigger cities. He said you need to go to the cancer center in Rome, georgia, you need to have a biopsy. And I said, oh, my God, okay. So I made my appointment and I remember it was.

Speaker 2: 1:08:37

So you know, it's always the nurses and the medical assistants and the care team that are so like the caring ones, the handholding the ones, the ones like it's, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, supportive, yeah, right, and that's how I am and that's why I got into into the medical field, because I wanted to be there to help people.

Speaker 2: 1:09:01

Um, the lady said to me, explained to me everything that was going to happen and I was having a sheer, I was, I was having a panic attack and she, just so you get on this table and like there's two holes and you lay your breasts in the holes and you turn your head and she said I'm going to be here with you the whole time and she just rubbed my back the whole time.

Speaker 2: 1:09:23

The doctor came in, didn't even, didn't even like come around and say you know, like hi, I'm Dr So-and-so it's going to be okay. Like this is what I'm going to do. Like didn't even introduce himself, just came in and said, all right, you know whoever, you know her name is, and said, okay, and they shot me up with some Novocaine and that was terrifying and for me, I need to see, I need to know, I need to be a part of whatever it is that's happening, to have to keep my head turned while he's on my side and I have no idea and stay still. So it's called a stereotactic biopsy. So they go in and out and they take pieces of whatever they find and um, I just remember you're awake.

Speaker 2: 1:10:16

I think that things that are done to women are barbaric, barbaric. I remember. I remember having an IUD put in and said and said why are women not put in for this? This is barbaric. So she's like just rubbing my back. It's okay, honey, it's okay. I'm like this hurts. It hurts. He's like it's almost over. He was, he was very nice, but I couldn't see what was happening. I didn't know when it was coming.

Speaker 2: 1:10:42

And then they leave a little clip in your breast. So when you have a mammogram done, they know that you had a biopsy done in that spot in case it left scar tissue. And I went into the next room. Then they needed to make sure that the clip was in place. They checked everything and they said okay, you're good to go, we'll have the surgeon or the radiologist look it over and we'll give you a call. It probably won't take that long. And it was like holding my breath for days.

Speaker 2: 1:11:15

So my phone rings on April 3rd, a year ago, this past April, and it was the doctor there, april, and it was the doctor there and, um, I called John in the room and, um, she said you know, hi, um, this is Dr. You know, I can't remember their names. This is Dr So-and-so Um. Can you talk? And I was like, oh my God. I said yeah, I can talk. And she said, um. I said yeah, I can talk and she said so, we got your results and I'm so sorry to tell you you have breast cancer. And I just remember, oh my God, I'm going to die, I'm going die.

Speaker 2: 1:12:05

So she said it's what's called ductal cell carcinoma in situ. So when something is in, it's in S-I-T-U in situ, meaning early stage, I said what does that mean? And so she said it's in your ductal, it's in your breast ducts. So we need to get you out to UAB Hospital, university of Birmingham, and we need you to meet with a cancer surgeon and an oncologist. Right now it's stage zero. And I was like, it felt like when you seen the movies of like people, like their thoughts, of like their life, literally like spinning and images and flashing of like and John's crying and I'm crying and my God, my heart is pounding right now and he's like it's going to be okay, like no matter what it is. We've, you've got this and I'm crying and, my God, my heart is pounding right now and he's like it's going to be okay, like, no matter what it is, you've got this and I'm like John, I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I can't die. I just got here, I can't die.

Speaker 1: 1:13:22

Thank you.