Nobody Prepares You for This

One hospital visit changed the questions I thought I'd be asking twenty years from now.

After my dad's major back surgery, I found myself thinking about something I wasn't ready for: what happens when the people who always took care of us suddenly need us?

This episode isn't really about politics.

It's about aging parents, caregiving, Social Security, Medicare, home health care, technology, independence, and the impossible decisions so many families are quietly making every day.

At what point do policy debates stop being political...

...and start becoming personal?

Join me for one of the most honest conversations I've had on Sassy Politics.

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Because these conversations aren't really political.

They're human.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

So, I was at the hospital last week. Uh, you know, one of those places that you never really want to be. I mean, unless you're there to welcome a new baby. Um, other than that, hospitals usually mean something has gone wrong. My dad was having major back surgery. The kind of surgery where they literally move your organs out of the way just to get to your spine. Terrifying. Yeah. Thankfully, everything went well. Uh I stayed at the hospital for a couple of days, and then my daughter and I picked him up along with my stepmom. I drove them home and stayed through the rest of the week. So I did pick him up, got him settled, and then I came home. But mentally, I never really left. Sitting in that waiting room gave me way too much time to think. Isn't that what hospitals do? They make you think about all the things you weren't planning on thinking about. They make you grateful for the time you had. Of course, I started thinking about my dad. And then I started thinking about my stepmom. Then I started thinking about myself. And of course, my kids. Because somewhere along the way, you realize all those conversations you thought were twenty years away. They aren't they're here. Your parents are getting older. And whether you're ready or not, so are you. You start asking questions you've never had to ask before. Who's going to help them if they need it? How long can they stay in their own home? Can they still drive safely? What happens if one of them can't take care of the other one anymore? And then the question gets a little more uncomfortable. What do I want my own kids to do with me one day? I always thought those conversations were so far away, so far into the future. And then you wake up one day and here we are. It's tomorrow. I'm Christy Chanel, and this is Sassy Politics. Because the headlines are about us. I used to hear people talking about Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, home health care, long-term care, prescription drug costs. I heard the words, I just never really listened to them. I was in my 20s and 30s. It wasn't my life yet. Now it is. One of the first questions that I asked before we could leave, what's this going to cost to have a physical therapist come to the house a few times a week? And then thankfully, they told me his home health care visits in physical therapy would be covered. I cannot explain the relief I felt that they could have somebody come there and help him get moving again. Because I knew I couldn't. I can come there sometimes, but I can't be there all the time. I'm so glad that he qualified for that. Healthcare isn't just about whether treatment exists. Most of the time it does. The bigger question is whether regular people can actually afford to receive it after working their entire lives. My dad and stepmom are retired and they worked their entire lives. Like millions of Americans, they depend on social security. They're not unique or special. Every election season, we hear debates about Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, budgets, and spending. When I was younger, those conversations felt super far away. And as I just said, they're here. I picture my dad, I picture my stepmom, I picture families trying to figure out how they're supposed to make this work. Because my reality, I live an hour away. I work full-time. I have my own life. I can't magically be there every time something happens, even though I want to be. And I know I'm not the only one dealing with this today. Gen X, we are dealing with this right now. Then my oldest son and I had a conversation about something I never really thought about, and it was kind of cool. We were talking about my dad driving. He's still sharp and very capable, but you start to notice little things as people get older. Those reaction times, they're not as fast as they used to be. Driving at night becomes really difficult. And then heavy traffic just is stress all on its own. My son looked at me and said, What about a self-driving car? Now, if you've watched this show for any amount of time, you already know where I stand politically. So you know, Elon? Mm-hmm, mm-mm. Not my favorite. You also know, um, I'm not, I don't like Teslas. But that changed. I don't like Elon and I don't like Teslas. But the thought of having my older family members be able to have independence, uh I can get over it. Because just for a second, I stopped thinking about Elon and I started thinking about my dad. Is there anything affordable on the market that can be a self-driving car that can help him keep his independence? At least for five more years. Is there? I don't know. That's that's that is a research area that I need to go deep into. And if I can't avoid a Tesla, I will. What if it meant he could still go to the grocery store if I got a Tesla? Just he doesn't have to depend on everybody. That made me realize um sometimes technology isn't about convenience, sometimes it's about dignity. Maybe the future of aging isn't just better medicine. Maybe it's a smarter home, smarter car, safer car. Technology that helps people stay independent just a little bit longer. Because eventually every family has this conversation that nobody wants to have. What happens when mom or dad can't stay home anymore? I've told my kids since they were little, uh, don't ever put me in a nursing home. Like I think I made them sign something. I definitely made them promise. This week made me realize, um, that promise might not be as simple as I thought. Sometimes people aren't choosing between a good option and a bad option. Sometimes they're choosing between two absolutely heartbreaking choices. One person simply can't do everything. You know, I never really paid attention before, but I heard something the other day that I think is relevant to this episode. Some states still have what's called filial responsibility laws. I know, I have never used that word before in my entire life. Um, so I hope I'm actually pronouncing it right. They're not commonly enforced, but in certain situations, adult children can potentially be held financially responsible for parts of their parents' care. I had no idea. So now I'm curious. Did you ever hear about that? Did you know about that? Am I like, am I the last to find this out? I'm like, well, what if you don't talk to your parent anymore? How are you you have to now pay for them? That is crazy talk. Like, I never, like, what? Uh yeah. So I have to know, did you know about it? Does it affect you in the state that you live in? And if you're not sure and you want to know, put your state in the comments and I will respond and let you know how this may impact you. Every single one of us is headed in this direction. This isn't somebody else's story, it's ours. I mean, we have to ask ourselves these questions. Should we be doing more to help people age with dignity? Should we be doing more to support family caregivers or encourage technology that helps people stay independent longer? Shouldn't we make it possible for families to take care of the older generation in their family? Because I mean they they once took care of us. It's our turn. I don't I don't have all the answers, and every situation is absolutely different than the next. But after last week, I probably have more questions than I did the week before. And I guess that's okay. Because sometimes the most important conversations don't start with certainty. Sometimes you just have to sit with it for a little while and figure out where you're at in the whole thing. Sometimes those questions start in a hospital room, watching someone you've always thought was invincible. And then you realize one day someone may be watching over you too. That's why these conversations matter. They're not political, they're human. And maybe that's where the best politics begins. For humans. Alright, so I guess I'll go think about this a little longer, and as I learn things, I will share them with you. Oh gosh, getting old sucks sometimes. But at least we're doing it together. Okay, see you next Tuesday.