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Overcomers Approach
“The Overcomers Approach” podcast showcases stories of resilience, where individuals transcend challenges to achieve personal and professional success. With a focus on spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, and financial growth, the podcast inspires listeners to embrace their potential and thrive in all areas of life. Join us to learn how overcoming adversity can lead to evolution, healing, and lasting success.
Overcomers Approach
Transformative conversation with Rhonda Britton on overcoming fear, embracing forgiveness, and discovering divine purpose through life's adversities
What if the most challenging moments of your life held the seeds of your destiny? Join me, Nichol Ellis-McGregor, as I sit down with the remarkable Rhonda Britton, Emmy Award winner, Author and Master Coach, for a heartfelt conversation about embracing life's adversities. Discover how a life-altering event at the age of 14 propelled Rhonda on a journey to help others find their divine purpose, and learn how her experiences on platforms like the Oprah show have amplified her mission to guide individuals from fear to fearless living.
Step into the powerful dialogue on the role of fear and forgiveness in shaping our lives. Rhonda and I navigate the complex landscape of fear, especially within cultures that discourage open emotional expression, and how turning fear into growth can open new pathways to healing and self-discovery. We delve into the profound process of forgiveness, shedding light on the misconceptions surrounding it and highlighting its crucial role in overcoming past traumas and embracing compassion and empathy.
Prepare to transform your mindset with practical strategies designed to rewire your neural pathways towards healing and hope. Rhonda introduces a range of exercises, from distinguishing between venting and complaining to transforming grievances into gratitude. We explore the concept of reframing fear into empowerment, offering resources like the "Stretch, Risk, or Die" framework to break down challenges into manageable steps. Embrace hope, divine guidance, and the courage to walk in love as Rhonda and I vision a future where everyone thrives in their unique purpose.
Thank you for listening and enjoy!
On Apple Podcasts and https://www.buzzsprout.com/2278962/episodes/16278934.
More on Fearless Living and Rhonda on her website https://fearlessliving.org/
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Thank you for listening!
This is Nicole Ellis McGregor, the founder of the Overcomers Approach podcast, where I meet with different people from different walks of life, different experiences, different journeys, but the overarching theme is that we have the ability to overcome and move fully in our purpose, fearlessly, boldly, with purpose and what we're divinely called to do. And so I'm so happy to have Rhonda Britton here today. She's an Emmy Award winner, she's been a guest on the Oprah show and Master Coach. She's authored several books and, no matter what the industry focus, every human being gets stopped by fear. She's coached eight figure businesses owners to corporate execs, looking for purpose, where folks want to find themselves even more meaningful relationships.
Speaker 1:Fear is fear for all of us, no matter if we're making eight figures, six figures, five figures, four it doesn't discriminate. But we all have a purpose and destiny, no matter what our journey is, what our occupation is, and we want to move into what we really call the do with boldness. So, rhonda, I am so happy to have you here today on my podcast and I just want to know what led you up to today being this author, life coach, being on these shows. How did you get here? How did you find your purpose?
Speaker 2:Well, that's a long answer, but you know I will say this. You know I went kicking and screaming.
Speaker 1:Okay, and.
Speaker 2:I and I think that people, I think too many people. You know I've been working with people for 30 years. I started changing lives in 1995 and and you know, I think people think that when they get their purpose, it's going to be this moment of like law and I'm going to just shine and I'm just going to start and. I'm going to call everybody tomorrow and make a million dollars within three months.
Speaker 2:Right, like people think that right, right, and really, most of us, when we get our purpose, most of us, when we, when we're really aligned and know what we're meant to do, it scares the bejeebers out of us. Yes, and you know, right, and we're really aligned and know what we're meant to do, it scares the bejeebers out of us. Yes, and you know, right, and we're like who am I to do that? Like right, because I do believe that the divine calls us to do things that we do not have all the skills and tools for and we do not have the confidence for right.
Speaker 2:Right. So if we're waiting for the confidence, that's going to be a long time coming, right. So if you know, if you've gotten the you know the tap on your shoulder, the whisper in your ear, you know the little nudge and you're freaking out, probably pretty spot on what you're supposed to be doing. I just know, right Am I?
Speaker 2:not right about that, nicole, yeah, yeah. So how did I get here? Was your question. That, nicole, right, yeah, yeah. So how did I get here? Was your question. And I'm going to tell you. Um, I'm going to tell you about the worst day of my life, because what I have really realized is the worst day of your life, or one of the worst days of your life, actually has the seed to your destiny in it, right, right. So we look at the worst days of our lives and go I wish I could have changed that, I wish I could change my right, but that that a moment, that that year, that month, that whatever is, actually got the seed of your destiny and that thing, you know, even though we don't want it to happen, right, what I'm about to tell you, I didn't want to happen, I would, I would give my life for it not to to happen.
Speaker 2:But, now that it happened right now that it happened. What am I going to do with it? Right, that's either going to take me down or take me up, and for a long time it took me down. So let me. Let me get to the story. So I'll tell you about the worst day of my life. So I was 14 years old and I grew up in a little tiny, tiny town in upper Michigan. 365 inches of snow a year, nicole, like lots of snow.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we had, we had, we had nothing going on. We had two restaurants, no fast food, okay, we had the Douglas house buffet hotel and big boy, that's it, okay. And my parents had recently separated and my father was coming over to take us to Father's Day brunch, okay, which I don't know how you grew up, nicole, but I grew up. Three kids, two adults, five people. We don't go out because that's a lot of money, right, yes, right, it was a lot of money. That's five people, okay.
Speaker 2:That's five people, five people. So my father was coming to take us out it was a big deal because you know going out to eat and my mother made me a brand new dress, white cotton, and she made me a scarf to go along with it white cotton with black polka dots, and I wrapped it around my neck like Barbra Streisand for younger people, beyonce or Taylor Swift. And so I'm in my mother's room. She's putting on a blue eyeshadow, she's puffing up her Behab hairdo.
Speaker 2:My dad comes in the back. On, come on, come on, because that's what dads do. My two sisters are fighting it out. In our one little bathroom we had about an 850 square foot house and, um, as my dad and my mom and I uh start walking out, my sister's still in the bathroom fighting it out yes it starts sprinkling and my dad goes. I got to get my coat from the car yeah now this coat. Nicole was a tan naga hide leisure suit coat. Now in the day that was really hot.
Speaker 2:So my dad looked you know what I'm saying. They look good. So my dad gets his key, he goes to his truck, me and my mom are starting to walk out the door and I noticed at the corner of my eye that my father did not grab his coat, but he grabbed a gun and he starts yelling at my mother you made me do this, you made me do this and he fires.
Speaker 1:Now.
Speaker 2:I'm yelling, dad, what are you doing, dad? What are you doing? Stop, stop, dad, what are you doing? And he talks the gun a second time, points it at me. I blink, he blinks, I blink, he blinks. You know he breathes, I breathe, and my mother, with her last breath, sees what is happening, the gun in my face, and yells out no, don't? My father, realizing in that moment my mother is still alive, takes that gun intended for me and shoots my mother a second time.
Speaker 2:And that second bullet goes through my mother's abdomen, out her back. It lands in the car horn and for the next 20 minutes all I hear is eh. And then my father cocks the gun for a third time, puts the barrel to his head and fires. So in a matter of two minutes, nicole, I was the sole witness of watching my father murder my mother and commit suicide in front of me. Now I don't know how most people would react, but this is what I did. I blamed myself, right, I blamed myself. I did nothing heroic, right. I didn't jump in front of the gun, I didn't protect my mother, I didn't kick my father in the shins, I didn't wrestle him to the ground, right, I just stood frozen. You know, that's all I did. And I blamed myself because my mother should not be dead and I'm the only one that could have physically done anything about it. So for the next 20 years, I lived two lives On the outside. I was fine, I was fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Speaker 2:I was still a straight A student. I got a ride to college, a scholarship to college. I'm fine.
Speaker 2:But on the inside not so fine, not so fine. And so I lived these double lives. On the outside, like I said, I pretended everything was fine, but on the inside I had a lot of self-hatred, a lot of low self-worth, a low self-esteem. I didn't think I had a right to anything. And you don't get to be happy after your father kills your mother, you don't do anything. And I knew that I was quote, unquote, not good enough, right, that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I really believed that.
Speaker 2:I believed fundamentally I had a flaw, that was unavoidable and that would always trip me up the rest of my life. I believed that trip me up the rest of my life. I believe that. So for 20 years in this double life, I went to therapy. I, you know, went to shaman work. I did inner child work. I read books. I was a workshop junkie. I did everything to try to heal myself from this event. I tried to heal myself from how I felt about myself.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But at the same time I was drinking became an alcoholic, got three DUIs and tried to kill myself three times. Wow, and it was that third suicide attempt. Nicole, by the way, when you try to kill yourself three times, I do put you in a psychiatric ward for evaluation. So I'm in the psychiatric ward Right. And they not crazy, let me go Okay.
Speaker 2:I'm in my little apartment and um I realized, nicole, that I am not good at killing myself, not skilled at it, and regardless of all the work I've done on myself, all the therapy, all the shaman work, all the inner child work, all the workshops, all the books Again, I read my first self-help book when I was 12. I still fundamentally felt that there was something wrong with me. Now I gained tools and skills, like I had more knowledge.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I think this is the crux for many people. They're doing a lot of work on themselves and they have a lot of knowledge. And I had a lot of knowledge, but fundamentally, in the dark of the night, my opinion of myself didn't change. And how?
Speaker 2:I felt about myself in the dark of the night, right when my back's against the wall. I still felt there was something fundamentally flawed with me, and so I said to myself that day, when they let me out of psychiatric ward and I'm leaning against the wall in my apartment, I slid down. I remember it so vividly. I was standing against it and I, kind of like, slid down the wall you know, on my back, kind of in exasperation and defeated. You know feeling defeated.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and.
Speaker 2:I really remember thinking to myself I got to go back to kindergarten, I got to start over, and what do kindergartners do? Right Well well, kindergartners put stars on a calendar. So I went to the store, got a calendar and gold stars and every day for the next 30 days yes I gave myself credit for anything I did. Well, anything positive, anything, any movement forward. And I'm talking I'm not talking about evolution being involved here, I'm talking about drinking and not getting drunk right I'm talking about angry and not breaking anything that's the level I was at right.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Like I wasn't like, oh, I prayed, no, no, I you know I was trying to stay alive yes, and at the end of 30 days with those little like get angry, don't, break anything changes. At the end of 30 days with those little like get angry, don't break anything changes.
Speaker 2:At the end of 30 days, I had a star, a calendar filled with gold stars, and I realized that I had hope. I had hope and I was worth saving, and so that began the journey that ended up with me being here, on your show as a life coach. Now I didn't go from that awakening that aware it took me many years, but began, it began.
Speaker 2:I said I guess the second right second layer because the first layer had already been doing all that work. But the second layer was the first layer had already been doing all that work, but the second layer was the willingness to be wrong about everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:The willingness to realize that you know what, Rhonda, you are worth saving.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:But you know what there's, this thing called fear, because, nicole, I grew up in Upper Michigan, remember, and I'm Finnish, okay, from Finland, and so if you know anything about Finnish people, we don't feel right. We don't feel at all yes. So I never said my entire life that I was scared or afraid. So, the fact that I work with fear is such a it's so hysterical, right, like me, afraid, scared, a fear what?
Speaker 2:And I literally, nicole, never said I'm scared or afraid ever in my entire life, even after my parents died. I'm sure I was afraid, but I never admitted it, I never allowed myself to even think it. I'll be fine, remember, I'll be fine.
Speaker 1:I'll be fine.
Speaker 2:I'll be fine so when I had this moment of realization with my gold stars and calendar, that is when fear, the conversation and the topic of fear started coming into play and. I had to face the fact that fear was playing a bigger part of my life than I had ever seen, known, admitted, experienced, aware of, and that began. The deep work that got me where I am today, again years later, took me many years years to actually say like, oh, I now can support people.
Speaker 2:And, by the way, when I got that message, I ran, I ran. I'm like I can't help anybody. Don't you remember the three suicide attempts, three DUIs and the alcoholism? I got to do that. God tapped me on the show and said oh, by the way, you got to help people, You've got the wrong person. But I had made enough changes in my life and I had enough tools in my life. But I had, more importantly, the awakening that fear is a tool that we can use for our benefit and knew how to work with it in a different way. So I was able to eventually, eventually take the leap into taking the action to do what I do today eventually take the leap into taking the action to do what I do today.
Speaker 1:Well, first of all, wow, that's all I can say. Wow, you are here as just a testament of what you went through, and you're here empowering other people. I've met so many people in different walks of life, who didn't make the journey, who had similar backgrounds. My background is similar but yet different, and I had to fight to be here, you know as well, and fear dominated my life for many, many, many years. And so, and just to know that you had to go back to that child, like go back to kindergarten, is just, and have that sense of curiosity, and to reward yourself for the wins, no matter how big or small they were, um is just amazing. And then, um, I'm from minnesota, so it's oh I grew up.
Speaker 2:I was born in minnesota. Yeah, I was born in minnesota and I grew up in minnesota and michigan. Oh, my parents died in Michigan, but I was born in Minnesota.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh where in Minnesota?
Speaker 2:Where in Minnesota?
Speaker 1:So I was born in St Paul Minnesota, so yeah, I was born in Two Harbors, Minnesota, north of Duluth. Okay and I know exactly where that's at. So when you talked about the snow and going out and the culture of like no emotions and not being able to speak, because you know you adapt to the culture you are in yeah, that's right they are, you know, express your emotions, or even to say that I'm scared.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, um, I just totally, totally relate to that and it really resonated with me, um, but it got you to where you are here today, which is just amazing um, well, this is.
Speaker 2:This is the cool thing, nicole, that you and I have then and I think most people have it if they're willing to see it. But because you and I ran from it so much and you and I were so afraid, and we can see it now because of the trauma, drama, refusal to feel that we had for decades. You know, you and I can see it in others, right, because we used to be that person. We used to be that person right.
Speaker 2:And I know for me I have so much more. I have so much compassion for people who are on this journey, that are fighting within themselves to give themselves permission right Like they want to. They want to, they want to right, they want to do it they're worried about what their family thinks, or their husband thinks, or their parents think, or their partner thinks, or their or their society thinks, or the church thinks, or or who am I who will I be if I don't stay in this exactly the same way?
Speaker 1:And that was, and being from Minnesota, yes, no wonder I like you so much and to you know, to see the fear. You know, because I've been really and I'm sure you have too. I've been blessed to be in different rooms, in different spaces and places, different spaces and places, and it doesn't even matter how successful someone appears to be or you know it could. Different walks of life, and just being able to acknowledge that and have that intuitive knowledge, to see it and to feel that and to have empathy and compassion and to really want to empower people, which is what I feel like you're doing, so I just feel that's so amazing.
Speaker 1:How did you forgive the it might've felt unforgivable with your dad, and how did you even get through that piece, or what did that look like?
Speaker 2:That's such a great question and I actually taught a class yesterday just on forgiveness, because I think that we, I know, for me, I minimized forgiveness, you know, I, you know, when I was, when they died, at 14, I was planning on being a minister, so when they died, I told myself, oh yeah, I forgive my dad, I forgive my dad, right, and I think that's what many of us do. We, we, we placate, we want to believe that we forgave. I mean.
Speaker 2:I wanted to believe that I forgave him but, as over the course of my life, also how I behaved and how I reacted. The world proved I had not that's right. So I, god, gave me this great assignment that.
Speaker 2:I will give to you and I give to my clients. And what this exercise does is it basically changes the neural pathways in your brain. So so one of the things that where we get stuck is our neural pathways go right. They go one way to go here, and the way we need to create a new neural pathway or to shift the neural pathway is to live in the paradox, be able to live in both.
Speaker 2:And that is not easy to do. It's not easy to do. So I made, I made up a little exercise. God gave it to me and I did this when I still have the first time I did it in my Bible, wrote it down and put it in my Bible. So I still have the first time I ever did it.
Speaker 2:So, you're going to grab a piece of paper, everybody Grab and put a line down the middle. If you're in a safe place to do it, obviously. If you're driving, don't do it and you know, save this podcast in case you want to do it later. But you're going to put the name of the person or the organization or the system that you want to forgive. So I would put my dad's name. Okay, then on the right hand side, on the top, you're going to write I'm willing to forgive you.
Speaker 1:That's what you're going to write Now this is how the exercise goes.
Speaker 2:Left hand side you're going to write one sentence, and one sentence only, and not a big ass long sentence. Okay, don't be using those commas, like right. Instead just use one sentence, like I can't believe you did this, dad, or screw you dad, or I hate you for taking mom, or again, whatever the thing is right. So I probably started off with like I can't believe you did this to us, right, and then I go to the right side I write I'm willing to forgive you yeah well, that pisses me off.
Speaker 2:So now I'm like, yeah, no, I'm not, I'm not gonna forgive. Go to the right side. All right, I'm willing to forgive you. Yeah, well, that pisses me off. So now I'm like, yeah, no, I'm not, I'm not going to forgive you. Right, the right hand side, I'm willing to forgive you over my dead body. I'm willing to forgive you. You don't deserve it. You've done nothing good for me. You abandoned us. You gave us nothing. I'm willing to forgive you, right. So you're basically allowing your left hand, the left hand column, you're allowing yourself to vent, to spew, to have a safe place to think all those things that you think, that you're afraid to think, you're afraid to admit, because you don't want to be a bad person, you don't want to have these thoughts.
Speaker 2:You think them, you think them, so you're going to do them on the left-hand side and one by one. And on the right-hand side, you're going to say I'm willing to forgive you Now, if you want to throw up when you're writing down, I'm willing to forgive you you can write I'm willing to be willing to one day forgive you when hell freezes over. So all we're looking for is a willingness to forgive someday.
Speaker 2:You don't have to forgive today, don't forgive today, but I'm willing, to be willing to forgive you now what happens with this, nicole, is first of all, I want you to do it until you're emotionally exhausted so we're talking about five pages, eight pages, three pages. We're talking about longhand. Don't be doing this on the computer okay, you know we're doing longhand right and and you are going to get emotionally exhausted. What happens is your brain, because you're living in the paradox. You're living in how you feel. How dare you.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:You're training yourself that you can also have the desire to forgive, at the same time that you are having that overwhelming feeling. You are training your brain to live in and in both right. You're training your brain, and so what happens is, when you learn how to do that, when your brain is able to do that, you can.
Speaker 2:Also, you can go in the world now and be really upset at somebody, but not act out yes you can be really hurt by somebody and put a boundary up, because now you can live in both worlds and you've got to train your brain to do that. But if you want to evolve from a spiritual place, if you want to evolve as a human being, yeah living in the paradox, living in both worlds, is really critical, so that this exercise is actually gonna train your brain yes and and now you're gonna do it more than once.
Speaker 2:probably I don't know how many times I did it, but you're going to do it more than once. But again, do it till you're exhausted.
Speaker 1:You're exhausted is the key.
Speaker 2:Like, oh my God, I can't do one more thing. And you also are through with the bitterness, Like the first level of anger has shaved off. Yes, and now maybe you're talking about. I can't believe I had to be alone. You know, nobody helped me growing up. I'm willing to forgive you, right? You left us with no money and I had to work by the. You know, when I was 14, I had to pay for all my clothes, right?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Right, my clothes right, yeah, right. So you're just allowing yourself to have a clear voice and permission to say what you need to say to this person, with the intention that you know your real. What you really want is to forgive yes, I love that.
Speaker 1:Retraining the brain, retraining the brain physically I think there's something to be said for physically motion. Writing it down.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Fear, exhausted repetition, I believe, rewire our brain. Yeah, living in both and worlds, like you said, and even if you're not willing, you know having the willingness and the hope to forgive them one day, because you said something earlier that I really resonated when you could say you forgave somebody. But it's going to come out in different ways, whether that's, you know, a speeding ticket, a DUI ticket or whatever that is, or, you know, consuming Inability to love inability to open your heart to somebody, inability to trust anyone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when you don't forgive, you have a tendency not to trust people, or trust certain people. You have a tendency to close off your heart, you have a tendency to want to protect yourself, you have a tendency to run, because if you haven't forgiven, it's very difficult to trust. So that's how you know you need to forgive is the result. And, by the way, I'll tell you another quick story about forgiveness. Yes, speaking of those eight-figure people. So I was at a mastermind, a speaker at a mastermind, and this guy makes you know lots of money.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And he sat there going in the room and he said I am sick of making millions of dollars, losing it all, making millions of dollars and losing dollars, losing it all, making millions of dollars and losing it all, millions of dollars losing. I'm sick of that pattern. I said okay, yeah, and so what?
Speaker 2:I asked him a few questions and he confessed that his grandfather and father did the same thing wow, okay and I said, because now he wanted me to give him a business strategy, like okay, well, this is what you do right. Or he wanted to get. He wanted me to give him like business strategy, like okay, well, this is what you do right. Or he wanted to get, he wanted me to give him like a magic phrase, right or he wanted me to right. I said to him have you forgiven them? Yes and he's like what yeah have you forgiven your grandfather and your father to hand because they handed you down this legacy?
Speaker 2:they did and you, in order to stay connected to them. Need to repeat it in order to feel one with them. So have you forgiven them, and I mean he looked at me like I was from outer space, like he was like what?
Speaker 2:I said yeah, the problem you're having with money is a forgiveness issue, wow, and. And so most people want to think it's something else. Right, they want to. Oh, I need a new model, I need a new offer, I need to do whatever I need to bet. I can't tell you how many coaches say I need a better clientele. It's like, really, you're not aware you need a better clientele. I gotta tell you, I'm worried about your coaching skills, right, right, it's not the client, it's you, honey, right, so. So so here's this guy who's confessing right, why am I losing all my money? Then I make it, I make it again.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because you need to forgive. So forgiveness is more impactful in our lives than we have been taught, than we have been trained, than we acknowledge that we understand. So if you keep repeating a pattern, if you keep having resentment, if you keep shutting down, if you keep closing your heart, that's all forgiveness work.
Speaker 1:Yes, powerful. Like you said, I don't think we understand the weight of forgiveness and how impactful it is in our life and how much weight, uh, in human capital that we may even invest in on it, in on that. So, like you said, even with the, the eight-figure person that you were talking when he was looking for this big like strategy, and it's right right forgiveness, forgiving his well, yes you know, and I was talking to a really good friend of mine and she is a minister's wife.
Speaker 2:Yes, and she's been a minister's wife for whatever 40 years.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I. She is a coach with me now. She trained as a to become a certified Peerless Living Coach and she said the reason she did is and she taught Bible and she taught all the classes at this big giant church that her husband was a minister at pastor at. And she said I heard about forgiveness. We just talked about this yesterday. She goes I heard about forgiveness my whole life.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:But nobody told me how to do it.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:Because we have to apply it. Yeah, we have to apply it. So she said that how she was taught about forgiveness is the shame that you didn't forgive. Well, why aren't you forgiving them? Why aren't you forgiving them? Why aren't you forgiving them? Why aren't you forgiving them? Shame on you for not forgiving them. You better forgive them. You haven't forgiven them, you know. So it's all about shaming and blaming Like you didn't forgive. That's why your life screwed up.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:They were never told how.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And I find that is the number one thing that drove me is, you know, I wanted to be minister. I was 12, you know, by the time I was 12, 13,. And then my human reality, and that spiritual truth and human reality. When I would read spiritual books or personal development books, and they would just be like love yourself or whatever. How do you do that, Right, how do you do that? And nobody actually about the little like literally like how to do these things, and so that's what I've devoted my life to is cause. I know what it is that desire to love yourself, that desire to give your life over to God, the desire to be in the dance with the divine, that desire, but how? How?
Speaker 1:how you hit the nail on the head, I mean, and sometimes through the journey of self-love, when you're going through so much trauma or you're trying to heal or forgive. Sometimes you can't even articulate it and some people look at you and say this is easy, it's just as simple as this, and for some people it's not. It's not. We really need to know the how, and sometimes it needs to be broken down and explained literally on how we can apply it to our lives. So I appreciate that. I want to go into the next question. Two questions and then I'll wrap it up. How do we function in life? Because a lot of complainers are fear-driven. So that may be, that could be at our place of worship, that could be a friend, that could be the place where we're employed, some people we may do business with, and it could be a downer sometimes. How do we continually press in to live a fearless life when you could be impacted by some complainer, fear-driven people? How do we create that boundary?
Speaker 2:So I'm going to say two things real quick. One is there's a difference in my world between complaining and venting. So complaining is a mindless, endless conversation about what's wrong, with no desire for a solution. Like if you gave them a solution they'd be like well, I need to complain more than solution. Right, like they're caught up in the complaining because it gives them power. Right, gives them a false sense of superiority, sainthood, etc. So you as an individual, me as an individual, I do need to vent, ie get my feelings out, have a safe place to share exactly how I'm feeling.
Speaker 2:Now. It might sound the same, but they're different intentions. Complaining again doesn't have a desire for resolution. Complaining doesn't have a desire for resolution. Complaining doesn't have a desire to, you know, move past it. But venting is.
Speaker 2:I'm awake. I know that I have all these feelings, all these feelings stuffed inside, all these thoughts, all these feelings, and I have to get them out in order for me to clear, to get clear again. So I'm going to call a good friend and you know I'm going to be like, hey, or I'm going to put in my journal. I'm going to be like, hey, do you have five minutes? I need to vent and then I'm going to train that person, because while I'm venting, they cannot go.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, or really, oh my god, that's horrible, right, there's no, no, none of that. You're just giving me a safe place to say whatever I need to say and then at the end of it, um, I say, you know, know, I'm complete. And then the person the other person who's my venting partner either says changes the subject, right, because we're not. It's not about working through it, unless, I request, will you help me find a solution? So, if you're not ready to find a solution but you have all these feelings, you just need to go and find a venting partner and all of that is discussed in in fearless living. And I think that's really important. The difference, because I don't want people to to stuff their feelings. I want you to have a safe place. So it's a notebook, it's a friend, but you're not there to talk your friend into you being right.
Speaker 2:You're not, you're right, you're not there to go like, don't you agree with me? That's not venting, that's complaining.
Speaker 2:So, that's the first thing to get really clear when you're listening to these quote unquote complainers are they really looking for a solution or are they just looking to feel sorry for themselves? The other thing that you could do. So that's one distinction. The second thing is is let's say, you have a good friend who just keeps complaining about the same thing and you want to learn the skill of how to redirect right, how do I shift them? So you could say something like you know, sally, I've heard you talk about this a few times and I'm wondering if you want to find a solution for it, right, right, and you don't have no judgment.
Speaker 2:You're like I'm just wondering if you want to find a solution for it. I wonder if you want to work through and figure out how to get on the other side. I just want to support you as best I can Now. That person will most likely look at you like what, what are you talking? You're not a very good friend. What are you asking? Well, I've just heard you talk about this many times and I love you and I just want to know if you're ready to move to the other side of it or if you want me to work with you and be with you while we work to get to the other side.
Speaker 2:Now, there are going to be things that people vent about for years, ie a divorce, a death, right. They're not looking necessarily to get to the other side in the first month or six months, right? So you, as a good friend, may honor their need to vent, but you also can redirect, okay. The other thing is is that if you are a complainer and you know you are if you're a complainer, then one of the one of the things that we teach in fearless living is every time you say a complaint, you need to turn it into a gratitude Now, that is not an easy skill into a gratitude. Now, that is not an easy skill because if you're complaining, it may be difficult to find any good thing about it, that's right but that right, but that's the practice.
Speaker 2:That's the practice is again, I'm not taking away your anger or righteousness about something. I mean. Bad things happen to us. We have things to complain about, right, and be upset about. But then when you are able, when you have vented to you know, release that right.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And you then move into gratitude even and it's not gratitude Like I'm so glad they're alive. That might not be it, Right. It might be. The gratitude might be like oh, I am really grateful that I have opened my heart enough to see how difficult it is to move through this life. You know, I'm so grateful that I can see through their anger that they're just a little girl in need of love, right? I'm so grateful that I can see the difference now between ABC, right?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So so it's not about being grateful for their bad behavior. It's not about being grateful for their bad attitude or their attack on you. That's not what we're grateful for.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:We're grateful for what's. What's a gift, what's the gift it's giving us.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:Maybe right. Maybe it's the awareness for us to finally shift and take responsibility and own our crap.
Speaker 1:Yes, I like that. Own that self-awareness, own your stuff, own that crap. Like having that self-awareness. That's key, that's part of the journey, that's part of growth.
Speaker 2:And I love that you're saying that because there's a double edged sword with awareness. Yeah Right, we can't. We can't change without awareness, when awareness is the number one thing we need. But in that awareness we also feel and we also remember. And we also look at our own lives, but again, this is the good news. So a lot of people start becoming more aware and they start having feelings and they are afraid of those feelings, so they shut down their awareness.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:Right. Instead, what you want to do is go oh my gosh, I'm becoming aware. Yay me, Yay me, and. And now it's just showing me how I have no little relationship with my feelings.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:This is my next area of transformation, my next area of empowerment. I'm going to figure out how to be with feelings, because feelings, in the world of fearless living, is just energy. So if you stuff your feelings, you're taking away your confidence, your energy, your drive, your ambition, right?
Speaker 1:That is powerful. Ooh, that was a nugget for me and me, you know, and me working with people, and people that might be close to me, but for me as well, I think, when people are working through conflict or they're going through therapy. You know, I have a close friend who went through therapy and once they started hitting that self-awareness piece, she quit and I'm just like, oh, because?
Speaker 2:because they don't know what to do.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right, and maybe the therapist didn't. You know, maybe they didn't prep them, or maybe the therapist wasn't aware, or you know whatever happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But that's why, when you start working with somebody, you've got to lay the groundwork right away so that, as they're moving through the different stages of evolution and development and awareness in the world of fearless living, I give people tools right away so that when they're starting to move through things, they already have tools and they already have awareness. So now, even though it's scary, it's still scary. It is Holy crap. I remembered when I did that, because that's the other thing. You get really humbled, because you're like, oh, remembered when I did that, cause that's the other thing, you get really humbled because you're like, oh, crap, I did that. Now I'm remembering when I did that to somebody. Oh my God, I remember when I thought that.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I remember when.
Speaker 2:I right. So it's very humbling and and that is where freedom lies, that is where your true destiny lies. We need skills, we need skills and we need tools. So that's the human reality part In human reality. We need skills and tools. But from the spiritual truth part, we need to have a foundation of what we're committed to and what our intention is and who we really know ourselves to be and who we want to express. And those two things together then give us the courage, the willingness, the fortitude IEB, you know, abcd to keep going when we're hitting that place of like holy crap, holy crap is the good news, holy crap is the good news. I need to write, I need to do a post about that. Holy crap is the good news.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute. Write it down right now. Yes, that's a status update. My last question is you have shown us and myself and listeners what fearless living looks like, and you know from Minnesota, from your parents, you know this journey, the hospital, how you ended up in this space today. It's just amazing, it's a miracle, literally. And I what does living fearless mean to you in your own personal life and how you pour that out and you see people walking that out. What does that mean to you?
Speaker 2:Our motto at Fearless Living is live the life your soul intended.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And I think that is still as true today as it was 30 years ago. You know my mother, you know people ask me like what drives you or what's your? You know, what do you think? You know, and I go well from a psychological point of view, if you wanted to psychoanalyze me, right, my mother died as she left my father, as she was just about to step out to live the life her soul intended, right. So you know, I believe, and this is my edge. All the time it's like am I following divine? Am I following the nudges? Am I doing what I am being guided to do?
Speaker 2:And sometimes I don't do it as fast as I'd like or I don't do it with the same enthusiasm as maybe I once did, right. I don't do it with the same enthusiasm as maybe I once did Right. I'm like, really, god, really, what Right? Because I, because you never, you never get rid of fear. You only build a different relationship with it. Wow. So you know, I've been given the grace of knowing that. One, there's nothing wrong with me, and if that's one message I'd like to transmute is there's nothing wrong with me. And if that's one message I'd like to transmute is there's nothing wrong with you, it's just fear. So everything you think your problems are are just fear related, yes. And two, we're all here, I believe, to live the life our soul intended.
Speaker 2:That's right, and and I believe the only thing standing in your way is fear.
Speaker 1:Fear Right, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:So you know, I too have my edges, I too have the places of growing, I too have the things that are calling me that are sitting on my desk and I'm going yeah, I mean, I literally started doing something yesterday I'm petrified to do and I started doing it, and then I had a meeting, and then I had all these things happening and then I didn't get back to it. And so now today, I'm like Rhonda, are you going to go back to it, right, right, or something else going to be really important.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So. So I too, you know, have to dive in with my throat you know my lump in my throat.
Speaker 1:Well, Rhonda, I think one example that you showed us is that we all have fear. We have to reframe what that fear is in our life and how can we use it to be empowered. And it's still a journey, but it could really elevate us to the next level and we could live fearlessly, you know, and as we hit a different chapter or a different part of our journey, you know, have those tools to help us work through that and do the both.
Speaker 2:And yes, and I would love to give a tool, so I would love to gift your audience with your listeners. Fearlesslivingorg forward slash risk R-I-S-K. So a while back we talked about how everything had to be broken down in little chunks. You mentioned right, yeah. Well, this course is called Stretch, risk or Die. Yeah, it's three 15-minute videos, easy as pie. It's got worksheets, it's got a workbook. It's super simple, but it is going to show you how to break down things. But, more importantly, it's going to show you how, what happens when you don't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you're also at the end of the third video. I talk about the wheel of fear. So, I'm going to be sharing with you my model of how to master fear. So go over to fearless livingorg O-R-G forward, slash R-I-S-K risk and grab that free gift.
Speaker 1:Awesome Free gift. That's a blessing. I'm very grateful for that. I will make sure that I put that in the description of the podcast so that everyone has access to that. If anyone wants to purchase your books or get in touch with you for coaching, what is your website link that they can reach out to? Is that the same one or is it different?
Speaker 2:Fearlesslivingorg. You just go to fearlesslivingorg and you can find me there. You can find my courses. Fearless Living Transformation Program. I'm actually going to be teaching it live soon, so check that out. And so, yeah, so you can go there and find out way too much about me.
Speaker 1:Awesome, awesome, I love it, I love it. One last question. I know I said the other one's last, but what gives you hope? What gives you hope in the world? We've got a lot coming at us right now. Yeah, that's a really good question, but what gives you hope?
Speaker 2:Yes, you know I'm going to go into the spiritual right now, because I do believe that there is, and you know whether this is true or not. Yes, I don't care, because it works for me. That's right. I need to believe that there is a divine plan, right? There's a divine mastery, that we are creating this world together.
Speaker 2:By the way, yeah, you know, we're all creating this world together and if we want to shift the direction of the world, each one of us has the power to make a difference, right? So, and again, it's a cliche, but it's true. Yes, you know, I always say cliches are cliches, because they're true.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So what gives me hope is I do believe in the omniscience of spirit, I do believe in the you know, I believe that there is a greater plan and I need to believe that that's right, To give me the courage to take action. That's right. So you know, and we've gone through difficult things before, you know, if you look at the world, you know the fall of the Roman Empire, right Like we've gone through horrible, horrible things before.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And somehow we crawled through it.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Right, and I think there are people, different people waking up that were asleep Right, like different, and there's going to be a lot of people waking up in the next year to two years, I suspect. And you know, as we wake up, we cannot fall back in fear.
Speaker 2:That's right, right, so we got a lot of work to do, nicole, right, we got a lot of work to do because, there needs to be a place for all these people who are having these awakenings to not feel judged or to be ostracized right, but to be loved.
Speaker 1:That's right To be loved. That is key. With that, rhonda, I just want to say thank you. I am so grateful that you graced us with your presence today, just with the fearlessness that you've in your story and just the miracle of you existing, and to pour it out into other people that they can live fearlessly too, and then the awakenings that's going to occur to have a space for people to come to, we need to really walk in love and apply it and to be ready for those people. We each have a unique vine purpose and journey, but we got to work through the fear first and make it our friend. So thank you, rhonda. I so appreciate it. Thank you again. It's been a wonderful conversation. Thank you, thank you.