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Overcomers Approach
“The Overcomers Approach” podcast showcases stories of resilience, where individuals transcend challenges to achieve personal and professional success. With a focus on spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, and financial growth, the podcast inspires listeners to embrace their potential and thrive in all areas of life. Join us to learn how overcoming adversity can lead to evolution, healing, and lasting success.
Overcomers Approach
Powerful conversation with bestselling author Marcy Axelrod on how we choose to show up changes everything around us.
We're all born with the innate capacity to connect, but somewhere along the way, many of us learned to hide instead. In this powerful conversation with bestselling author Marcy Axelrod, we explore the science behind authentic human connection and how the simple act of showing up transforms not just our own lives, but ripples outward in ways we never imagined.
Marcy shares her deeply personal journey from developing a severe stutter at age six to becoming an expert on human connection. This early trauma launched her on a lifelong quest to understand how humans navigate presence and authenticity. Drawing from neuroscience, psychology, evolutionary biology, and behavioral economics, she reveals a fascinating framework for understanding the three levels of showing up: barely there, just showing up, and truly showing up.
The most startling revelation? Your presence impacts far more people than you realize. Research shows the 20 people closest to you are 45% more likely to adopt your behaviors, with your influence extending to approximately 8,000 people you'll never meet. This interconnected web forms the foundation of Marci's three-dimensional model of human existence – we simultaneously operate as individualized selves, situation members co-creating each present moment, and societal members influencing the broader culture.
For those struggling with fear, disconnection, or the aftermath of trauma, Marcy offers practical guidance to move from "just showing up" to "truly showing up." Simple practices like conscious breathing and body awareness can regulate your nervous system, creating space for authentic connection. Perhaps most importantly, she emphasizes the healing power of acceptance – both accepting yourself and being willing to honestly share your struggles with others.
Ready to transform how you show up in life? Listen now and discover why Mel Robbins and leading experts from Harvard, Yale, and Stanford have endorsed Marci's groundbreaking work. Visit choosetoshowup.com to continue your journey toward authentic connection.
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Thank you for listening!
Hello, this is Nicole Ellis-McGregor, the founders of the Overcomers Approach podcast. This is a podcast where I meet with different people from different walks of life, different experiences and different journeys, but the overarching theme is that we all have the ability to overcome, no matter where we are in life, and I love the fact that I have Marci Axelrod here. She's a best-selling and award-winning author, TV contributor, two time TED Talk speaker, a management consultant. Her latest book, how we Choose to Show Up, is the number one bestseller and was recently awarded the Hiawatha, If I'm sorry if I'm not saying that right, Thank you.
Speaker 1:Marcy has been interviewed for Forbes magazine, Psychology Today and the Marketing Journal, among many others. Her approaches have been tested and proven through projects in some of the world's largest high-tech companies, Based 20 plus years of research. Marcy's later book, how we Choose to Show Up, presents in 3D nature's model how humans are designed to Up to Thrive. Showing Up integrates neuroscience, psychology, behavior, economics and evolutionary biology with top consulting strategies, leading businesses, practices to people, companies and societies to succeed. Marci, I'm so happy to have you here today. I'm sure you've done so much more than I said in that wonderful bio that I got through. Thank you, Tell me how did you get here today and how we choose to show up? I know you have a personal experience of that and you've reached out and you're impacting the worldwide. How did you end up in the space of how we choose to show up?
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, first of all, Nicole, thank you so, so much for having me here and thank you for all the great work that you've done, helping families in your community and around the world to get past very significant challenges that we're dealing with, Just to kind of teach people an approach to overcoming. So my story, you know, we moved when I was six years old and mom and dad had these new jobs. It kept them very busy and Marcy was kind of. You know, I always just did the right thing, so like no one was there for me At least that's how it was through the eyes of a six-year-old and I wasn't having my needs met. So you know I'm not one to act out. So I acted in and the you know, the great marriage of genetics and the environment led me to start to stutter, so I lost the ability to speak at age six.
Speaker 2:Okay the ability to speak at age six. Okay, and life became an unbelievable struggle. You know, in school the teacher would look for students to call on and my hand was up and the moment the teacher saw my hand and people saw my hand everyone in the class. It was like a collective, like oh no, the teachers would have to call on mercy and I just felt endlessly like I'm letting the world down just by wanting to contribute in first grade. The stress I remember feeling lightning bolts go from the earth through my body and exploding out my skull into the sky, like it was just unreal and it was too painful so I kind of shut it up.
Speaker 2:And the mirror of my experience. I call this the mirror of the self turned outward. I couldn't show up as I chose, so I started to study. How is everyone else showing up? That's right.
Speaker 2:And what I started to realize. Well, there's the bully over there and there's a scaredy cat over there, there's the teacher, the educator, and why are they throwing their show-up choices away? So then, at age 12, I was sent to a rehabilitation hospital of all places, where you know supposedly to learn how to speak and to try this new approach where you speak for eight hours into a metal machine and, if you did it right, the red light went on. It was horrific.
Speaker 1:Oh, probably traumatizing.
Speaker 2:Right and I'm thinking what am I doing with my time?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And then during the breaks, you would walk around and there's people in their 70s and 80s elders learning to do very basic things sit, stand, take a step, hold a fork, feed themselves and by their sides were experts.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:They were flipping these pages well-made plans and I said, look at that. Right. People with a lifetime of experience and wisdom, with experts by their side. And these expert plans they still can't show up as they choose. So I said to myself wait a minute, there has to be a blueprint. Where's the roadmap forward? I was 12 years old. I devoured every bit of psychology and neuroscience and evolutionary biology and behavioral economics and everything I could get my hands on to try to figure out what's the model of how humans are designed by nature. Right.
Speaker 2:So that is what this is. It's probably why it became a number one bestseller on Amazon. It's probably why it became a number one bestseller on Amazon. It's probably why Mel Robbins herself. Thank you, mel.
Speaker 1:I love Mel Robbins.
Speaker 2:yes, she wrote the quote. It's right here on the cover.
Speaker 1:Oh wow that is amazing yeah.
Speaker 2:I also have endorsements from Mark Brackett, who's the head of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. I mean many, many, many others Professors at Harvard, cornell, stanford have endorsed the book anyway. So that's my story, I mean that's my overcomer story and it's. You know. There's more there. That's in the book. In chapter one you may hear the stutter.
Speaker 1:Just be prepared, it's not gone you may hear the stutter, just be prepared, it's not gone. I could so relate, I could, you know, I could relate on a number of things. I was extremely shy as a child, um, introverted, and so sometimes showing up in spaces, uh, where you know that that's different, that was different for the spaces that I existed in, you know, within my family sometimes, and it it was just like, oh, you're so quiet, what's wrong? And nothing was wrong with me, you know, and, and I, and, and I begin to, just like you said, I, I turned that internally.
Speaker 2:Like I just. I was self. Mirror outward and observe what's really going on.
Speaker 1:Start to look at others Exactly, and that's what I started to do, but then I became more into self-acceptance. Is that? You know, it's okay for me to exist in spaces and maybe be a little bit more quiet. There's nothing wrong with that, there's nothing wrong with me. But what it did do it allowed me to challenge myself more, to share my thoughts and share some of my gifts and share my lived experience. And the more I begin to stretch myself, the more connected I was to people who are meant to be connected to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know I'm taking these notes so avidly. The more connected to myself was, the more I was able to to what To connect with others, to connect with others.
Speaker 1:Because initially I had a fear of showing up because I knew already so many people were like you're so shy, you're so quiet, and it was almost like what are you up to? Are you sneaky? Yeah, or it was like what's wrong with you? You know you're not supposed to be quiet.
Speaker 1:And I was just like and so then I already went in there with, like this defeatist mindset, the label of the shy girl, the introverted girl, and then the assumptions that come out of that is that you might be up to something sneaky or that you're fake or you're not being authentic. But then I had to stretch myself and be like you know, let me just share a little bit more about myself in those spaces. And then I was able to connect with other people and I was able to make really genuine connections. So maybe the whole room is not meant for you, but maybe there's a few people that you have that divine connection with. And then I was able to grow and network more and just live freely in who I was. And if someone thought that shy was a wrong thing or being introverted was wrong, that was no longer my issue, because I now had come into the space and presented myself and made that brief introduction and shared something about myself. So I and I continue to grow through this in the spaces that I am.
Speaker 1:This is like a work in progress and that's okay, but I continue to challenge myself to stretch myself, because, the more that I am, this is like a work in progress and that's okay, but I continue to challenge myself to stretch myself, because the more I do that and this is why podcasting has been so enriching for me because I'm meeting with so many different people, I'm having so many different conversations. I'm talking about my experiences. People are sharing their experiences and their expertise, and if I would not have stepped out of that comfort zone, I wouldn't be here talking to you. You know someone who's done the great work that you've done.
Speaker 2:So I would love to cast that through a show up lens, because people don't know what showing up really means. Nicole, I want to put a word out there that you have not said Okay, and I think it is really the crucible of your shyness experience. The word is fear.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's huge and I didn't say that, but that was the overarching theme. Yes, so yeah.
Speaker 2:And then acceptance was your freedom and the book I even. So, if it's okay, can I through the show up lens? Very simply, I put three levels on showing up and then I'm going to explain all the depth that's underneath it. You know, quality levels are inherent in nature, right? Level one is barely there, right, I'm not going to find them right now. Let me just explain the high level. Level two, which is what 80% of us do, 80% of the time, is just show up. This is like you just walk into a room, you wing it yeah, I'm, I'm good. This is what we do almost all day long. Right, the alarm goes off, you turn it off, you get up, you just start to do, do, do, do yes and you aren't really being um, so that's just showing up.
Speaker 2:And then level three I call truly showing up, and there's a continuum that shows this. I'm going to give you these slides. I'm also going to make sure that on my website barely there, just showing up and truly showing up, and what it extends from is a circle that looks like a peace sign. There's a rainbow around it, because red, yellow, green, all those colors are very meaningful. Bad right is the red you get to green of truly showing up. But the point is we don't show up in one role, we're not just an individualized self, which surely is the point. If you look at anything, at a tree outside your window it's an individualized tree.
Speaker 2:It's an individualized tree, like a self. It's separate. It's an individualized tree. It's an individualized tree like a self. Yes, it's separate. It's separate from the other trees. Well, okay, but what else is going on? Maybe it's in someone's yard, like it's part of a situation. Maybe it gets watered, maybe it doesn't. It's receiving the sun. The only reason it's growing straight up is because stress wood was formed by storms and by strong winds. The tree exists because of the situation that it's in. We are situation members at every moment, right here. The fact that you're smiling, the fact that you fix yourself up so beautifully, the fact that you're in front of a screen, the fact that you're listening to me, how your body feels as you listen, the fact that you're standing up straight everything is because of the situation that we are in. Think about that. Yes.
Speaker 2:What you think, feel and do is because of what's going on right here right now. That's our situation. Member role. Yes, go ahead, Literally, literally. What I'm saying and doing is taking up inhabitants in your body your, your cortisol, the stress hormones going down as I look in your eyes and show care, your oxytocin's going up, dopamine. Anyway, our situation member role is massive. But then there's another role that we're in. So that tree over there and all of us, so the roots underneath, are interconnected with all the other trees around. And we actually know and I cite the research in my book about this that you know that when radiation was given to one tree in the forest, it was transmitted through the fungi in the roots to trees way, way, way, way, way far away on the other side of this huge forest.
Speaker 1:That's powerful yeah.
Speaker 2:We as humans, and we are all leaves on the same tree, so we as humans are part of something beyond ourselves. Call it a family, call it a race, call it a religion, call it a company, a sports team, a community of interest around golfing. Whatever it is, we are part of something beyond ourselves, and both of my TED talks actually cite the statistics of Nicholas Christakis, a physician at Yale, head of the behavioral, the human behavior lab.
Speaker 2:He shows how the 20 people around us are actually 45 percent more likely to do what we do.
Speaker 1:That is wow. That's amazing. Yes.
Speaker 2:But it doesn't stop there.
Speaker 1:Ok, yes, but it doesn't stop there, okay.
Speaker 2:Because the 20, the 20 people around each of those 20. So so we, we all like, tend to have a bubble of more or less 20. Yes, we're with them the most. So the first 20, or was another set of 20, each 20 times 20, that's 400 people. Now they are 25% more likely to do what we do. And then it goes further. So your spouse's, best friend's daughter, who you may never meet right, is 10% more likely to do what you do. And it may be how you stand. It may be the fact that there are certain words that you like, it may be that you're you're interested in Zumba.
Speaker 2:Yes it may be that that you only eat very healthy food. Whatever it may be People passing by you on the street who you have never met, maybe the ones in that group of 8,000, 20 times 20 times 20, who are impacted by how you're showing up, and this is going on every minute of every day of your entire life. So think about that. So we're in three roles. We are individualized selves, yes, but what we think do and set, and how we think act and and um feel yes results from what's going on around us.
Speaker 2:That's our situational role. And then and then it spreads like, like the ripples in the pond, out to our culture, all of society yeah and well, what does that have to do with the continuum right Of how we show up? Yes. So the way that you move from just showing up into truly showing up is you turn the mirror outwards, so you're not just in your self goal. You recognize that you're impacting people right now, at every moment, right here, right now, it's going to change how you show up.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:And then it ripples through society. Isn't that going to change how you show up? Yes. So I'm trying to find the specific chart here and I'm spending my time flipping in this book You're fine and I love the visuals.
Speaker 1:I love the visuals because, especially for people who are visual people, which I'm one of those I love charts and colors because it really allows me to really interpret it and really take it in. So I love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes.
Speaker 2:So what's actually going on? What's actually going on? Once we are deep, so in the self role, you start to be in the moment. Once you're in your situation, member role, you're also of the moment. That's where you recognize you're co-creating me, right here, right now. And when you start to do that, you start to notice, wow, marcy's really passionate about this. And then you start to do that. You start to notice, wow, marcy's really passionate about this.
Speaker 2:And then you tune in. It pulls on you like an induction process From noticing you start to tune in. Yes, you know, let me really hear the words that she chooses to use. And what's going on here? Once you tune in, what happens, you go from your head to your heart. You start to care, you start to feel with and then, once you're feeling with what happens, you start to enact care. So now I've moved from a talking head, from an object on the other side of the screen, into a human being. And that is how you go from barely there, through just showing up, into truly human being. And that is how you go from barely there, through just showing up, into truly showing up. And I'll tell you a brief story.
Speaker 1:And then I'll you know. Oh no, go ahead, Take your time Get into questions.
Speaker 2:So there was a gentleman who I met and he said to me you know, marcy, I've never been truly present. And he said you know, I've heard what you say. Would you help me? So, to condense the story, we meet at a cafe and he's telling me how he grew up. There was no emotional safety in his home. His parents argued all the time.
Speaker 2:He started. He was the oldest, so he started to protect his brothers, his younger brothers, and he was always. You know, if mom and dad were in a fight, let's go out and play ball. Let me help you with your score. He was always taking care of others to protect them, and as he grew up, he, his entire life, is designed by this. He, you know, he married someone who needed to be cared for, who was kind of a bit of a dependent person. They had five kids, so of course, he's always going to be needed. He has a job with 500 people reporting to him, with a lot of safety issues. Everything is he needs to be needed and the moment something's copacetic. Wow, for right now, look around, look around, everything's good, and then what's next? But what's next? I've got to be on top of what's next. So that's why he did it. It was such a beautiful reason. But he can't be prison because it's not safe. Why? Because something might come up and he might not be prepared to protect everybody. Yes.
Speaker 2:He's on top of the job. So I told him and this is what I want your listeners to practice- yes.
Speaker 2:I told him. I said look at the man over there. It was just a man sitting at a table near us and his first was at the way that he showed up immediately to me was a barely there response. What is that guy doing? It's 11 o'clock on a Tuesday. He should be at work. What a slacker. And then he looks back at me like that's it. That's his frame Very narrow, very small, very judging, very miserable. Yes.
Speaker 2:So I said he look so what does he do? It takes a breath, steps back a little bit and then he sees, he sees. You know, the man doesn't look very happy right wow, maybe there's something wrong. What's starting to happen? This is this the self lens is starting to noticing and then tuning in what's starting to happen. Wow, this man doesn't look happy. And then tuning in what's starting to happen. Wow, this man doesn't look happy. And then he looks at me like is this sufficient? He's done now. And I say keep looking.
Speaker 2:Oh wow, look, he's with this woman and she's you know what. She might be his daughter. She might be his daughter, but look, they aren't really paying. They're both on their phones.
Speaker 2:They're justesus why he's not paying attention to his daughter right goodness and he's sad, and now I'm starting to feel bad, I'm trying to feel sad for him, and he literally got a tear in his eye. He put a tear in his eye. You know, I almost feel like I want to go up for offering him a hug. Is that okay? Can you talk about noticing tuning in feeling with enacting care? Literally, it's exactly the model that's in the book that I just showed, and I'm going to give you this, this slide, okay, he went from his head to his heart and then he looked at me and he said, oh my God, I'm in the moment, I'm here.
Speaker 2:Yes. I'm here, this 55-year-old man who's always protected and taken care of and run the teams, and he's the COO of a big firm. I said, oh my God, marcy, I've never felt this before. I said keep practicing. Every day, every day. I want you to look across the parking lot, across the office, and just look. Don't stop with the first impression. But notice, does it start with a judgment? You know, how quickly are you now learning to get to your care, to switch your care circuits on? How quickly is it going to happen?
Speaker 2:Because the more you practice this, yes you're going to go from just showing up to truly showing up, and you can do it any day, no matter how many times, the entire thing with him yes was three minutes yeah you practice, you can. You can do this in 30 seconds and but stay in your heart mode and care. Yes. Because when everything about you will change, what you do next will be different.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that. I love the story and I love the fact that you went and talked about his childhood experiences and his lived experience, because I think that really impacts how we show up, like it impacted him.
Speaker 2:It creates everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:My entire life was designed by that, my entire life was designed by the fact that I couldn't speak. All of us, everyone, you see you like, every one of us made it is who we are, based on our past experience right, we are experiential beings yes just just like the the tree. If there's a lightning strike, it's going to show that and there's no way for it not to show.
Speaker 1:Exactly. And then I like the fact that he got out of himself, because you know, we have to get out of ourselves to make that connection and just to really be centered and really focus on that person and how that connection was happening.
Speaker 1:And how that connection was happening, you know, even before he had a desire to feel like empathy or give a hug or right, and I do believe that you can get that information without even talking to people at first, just like the example you provided with the tree as well. I love the tree. I love analogies that connect to nature, because we are energetic beings. We're part of all this ecosystem. We're all connected. I like the fact that our can connect people that we may not even know.
Speaker 2:So we are nature. Yes, it's not that we're on the earth and the environment and we're here. No, nicole, you are my environment right now. We are each other's environment. Nicole you are my environment right now. We are each other's environment, yes, and we are of the earth, so I want to give you some quick words that are very helpful for people. Yes.
Speaker 2:So what is showing up? Showing up is being able to be deeply presencing within the moment. Yes, deeply presencing within the moment, yes, while being of the moment meaning noticing. You're co-creating, you're designing the situation with everybody now. So in it, while being of it and being above it yes being able to step back, as if you're going up the mountain and you're looking down, and now you're seeing the whole system and you're like oh yes that's what's really going on yes, and I love that.
Speaker 1:Oh, I just love it because it also allows us to get out of our heads. Yep. Connection to the heart. Yeah, and I like the fact that, especially when we are, you know, leading a team or being part of innovative change, or even functioning within our families or just being in community, our connections can be even much greater than they are. I love that. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, and there's so much here. The show of Continuum is a permission system, and you said it much here. The show of continuum is a permission system, and you said it, nicole. You said, as I saw, that I didn't need to live in my fear and my shyness because maybe I don't belong here, right, maybe I can't speak up. You said I started to accept. Right, this is a word that you use and I wrote it down. Self-acceptance led to a belief. You said there's nothing wrong with me. The show continuum is an acceptance system. This continuum from right. It's an acceptance system Because everyone's on it at every moment, and you know what? There's no way not to be, everything is on it.
Speaker 2:Every tree, every. You know what. There's no way not to be. That's right. And everything is on it Every tree, every blade of grass, every book, every social justice norm yeah, every judgment, every decision about our educational system, every vote yes, everything shows up. Yes, right, and we have no choice but to accept how everyone and everything shows up. Yes, and right. And we have no choice but to accept how everyone and everything shows up. The choice that we have is for us to be in it, to be of it and to be above it. So, all right, so that's how you get choice. Oh, yeah, I don't need to use that, but that's how we get the choice. They say.
Speaker 2:I was asked what are we choosing? We're choosing how we get the choice. They say I was asked what are we choosing? We're choosing how we show up, the way that you do it. You recognize what, what deep presencing is, and I explain that you're in it, but you're in it as a self. That's right. You've got to be of it, meaning recognizing this, this reverberative process between us, our energy, our, our thoughts, our actions. I am creating what you do. That nod, that was because of me. My nod, my encouragement, it's because of you right. That's of it. And then the above it looking down, is like I'm changing the world right now because society, we have a societal role. Everything else is going out 8,000 people deep every moment.
Speaker 2:We have a societal role, everything else is going out 8,000 people deep every moment. Yes, in of above Right. Those are the three roles and the way that I label them in the book. You're a self. You're a situation member. You're a societal member.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know, I like that because I think about you, know experience that I've had at work and in my life. I think you know too. I think, as we move into spaces or whatever that looks like, those barriers, sometimes they have effective communication. Those barriers of judgment, you know, they have to, or you know, or, or for you to be educated or have more awareness, to even make that connection with somebody, you have to be present.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah Well, you can't be in fear. Let's talk about that, Right, right. And you said this. I love it. You had such wisdom, you said. You said once I was outside of my fear. Yes.
Speaker 2:Connecting with myself all of a sudden. Wow, now I'm open to connect with everything else. That is not just the people, but everything else, the wonder, the beauty. Yeah, you will not feel wonder or awe right, you will kind of quietly quit and life won't have meaning. And all of this, if you're in this get it done mode, this just show up. Why? Yeah, because the nervous system was alerted you were living in fear. Yeah, you don't know what else you were doing. Yes. We're showing up as a threat to others. Yes.
Speaker 2:Your fear led them to show up as a threat to you, and I talk about Dr Suzanne. To copy, oh, I believe, in chapter three, exactly this Even, even friendly faces, yes, yes. Perceived as a threat by the person who's feeling fear or threat themselves, be it because of shyness, imposter syndrome or any version of these four things. Boy or girl, when you hear these four things, any version of I'm lesser than, which is kind of how you felt I'm better than. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I deserve yeah, or here's a biggie I need to be seen as yes if you're in any of those four things, you will not be what. What those things do is they? They alert your body. There's a nervousness and a version of anxiety that goes with it, and because of that, you're not in touch with your real sensing. You aren't open, you're shut down. Your self-role is like this, in that you're only seeing and feeling yourself.
Speaker 2:So, everything else is going to show up, reinforcing that anxiety that you have. If I can get into neuroscience for just a minute, I love it Go ahead. Yes, so what's really going on is that we have two hemispheres. One is what one enabled us to feed ourselves control over kill the rabbit, zero in to feed ourselves and the other wow enabled us to not be fed to something else. Yes. Narrow, broad. Yes.
Speaker 2:One of them turns people and everything into objects, because it's living in the map, not the real territory of life. It's an abstraction, and that's how you can kind of get pissed at people.
Speaker 2:And like I can't believe you did that. When you see something like I can't believe you did that, that's not a human being you're talking about. It's the people over there pissing you off. So the only way to feel connected within yourself and others is to be in the broader attention. This is the only one that enables you to feel, yes, someone else is feeling. It's the only one that's picking up. Did you notice? All of a sudden I shifted yes, shifted from you know, I'm so passionate about this. I'm excited to get it out there in words. That's a cognitive, behavioral thing. I shifted to God like I really care and I really hope people can feel this, if you're able to feel that difference.
Speaker 2:You shifted to Nicole and all the listeners from your left hemisphere into your right this is the only one that's going to sway with the music and it's the only one that, when you look into a friend or a parent or a child's eyes, is going to lead that person felt by you. Yes, this is where your parenting shows up this is where your parenting shows up. This is where your leadership shows up. This is where people want to show up and do a good job for you. This is where you're the manager, leader and person you want to be. Yes.
Speaker 2:It's when you can turn on the right hemisphere and you've got to get out of need to be seen as deserve. You know I deserve lesser than better than shyness imposter. Lesser than better than shyness imposters, whatever it is you got to? Get out of that. The way to do it is to recognize how showing up works. Yes, because it gives you permission and it gives everyone permission, and all of a sudden the fear dissipates because it's like my God. Yes. We're all just kind of in this on the continuum, bouncing around all day long.
Speaker 1:You know. I love that. I love the fact that you said you know we have to stretch ourselves and go into the other hemisphere. We have to get out of being stuck, you know there, whether it's imposter syndrome, shyness, fear, whatever that is because we're not really going to go to the next level in our lives and you know we're not going to ourselves, to growth, you know to. You know to whatever it's destined for us. We're going to just stay stuck.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, not only yes. We're going to stay stuck. If it's okay, let me take this a few steps further, because it gets really bad.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:We aren't just going to stay stuck. When you can't turn on, when you can't get out of the fear and the sympathetic nervous system, which is the one that kind of keeps us in a very narrow, get it done. Attention. Yes, life becomes meaningless. That's right. We have a meaning crisis in this country. I call it a just show up crisis. Yes, when you're like what the hell, am I doing Nothing? Matters. My work doesn't matter, my relationships feel superficial, there's no meaning in life. That's right, I mean, that's so sad, that's so sad.
Speaker 2:Very sad, yes, and that's when we make bad choices. Very much so. That's when we drink more. That's when we seek thrill-seeking things. That's when we say what the fuck, I don't care Right. That's when we blow people off. That's when we have no energy. Yeah.
Speaker 2:We do our best, because who cares? So it's really bad. Hell, who cares? So it's really bad. You don't want to spin around and just in level two, just show it. It pushes you into level one, yeah there, and then everything goes south. That's when you gain weight and that's what's better. The bank account goes down and everything goes to go south.
Speaker 1:Yes, and then I, and then too, like then the people that you, you do have connection with or you engage with, it impacts what. What's going on with you, whatever that relationship is, whether that's a coworker or your marriage or your relationship or your kids then it begins to impact them. It has like a trickle effect.
Speaker 2:Yes, Well, right, this is your societal role. You are creating how all the people around you show up to you at every moment. Remember the world shows up for you the way you show up to the world.
Speaker 1:Yes, that is empowering. I mean, I feel like that's very empowering. It also takes us out of a victim mindset as well. Yes, yes. Love what you just said, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, it really does, and I have been guilty of this in my life at some point. You know where I was. I was victim, victim, victim. And then you're kind of projecting I hate to, you know, I don't know how else to say this and each space you show up in you're, you know, you begin to realize, if I don't resolve this, it's just going to be at the next space that I show up at, it's going to be in the next relationship absolutely, you carry with you.
Speaker 2:Carry it with you. Yeah, I have. I have all sorts of examples in the in the book about this. How you show up is with you at all times. Yes, okay, and so what? What you need to do is really understand. How is it that we show up in our self-roll in the moment of the moment, recognizing we're creating everything, we're impacted by everything? Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then, above the moment, seeing the bigger picture of like. Now I see why this is meaningful. Now I see the system around me. Now I see it across time, across space. I see how I got here. Right, you're up on the mountain load, looking down in of and above. That talks about self-rule, our situation, member role and our societal role as right, something more, something impacting the world. Right, this is just the truth. This is how nature designed everything to show up. Apply it to any river, apply it to any house. Like, apply it to anything.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, I love that, and I know we're coming down to the last few minutes and I wanted to ask a couple of questions. I also love the fact that you mentioned the nervous system, because people can become very dysregulated and you spoke a little bit on anxiety. You know how that could be impacted and so for those people who may be, you know, dysregulated, they may be angry, there may be some anxiousness, anxiety going on when they move into this space where they have to come out of self, because you know, once your nervous system starts sending you messages, that's a strong like indicator of you. You know, kind of where you're going with things. What do you think helps people? Um, helps them get centered, to be in the presence, like what? What tips would you recommend and I'm sure you have those in the book and we're going to recommend purchasing the book as well.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm going to give you two answers, because you need a right now answer and then you need a long term here right first of all, you show up differently based on what you believe. So this is the long-term answer. The long-term answer is really understand the truth about showing up and you will show up differently, um, and you will get um stuck in your nervous system. Less. The short-term answer that what you can do right now, in any moment, before you walk in to talk to someone before a meeting, is breathe. Yes.
Speaker 2:It might sound simple. The moment you do four slow in breaths, four slow out breaths, you will feel the difference. Yes, you can do it for a minute, two minutes, three minutes. It's better if you can close your eyes, just you have to get used to sensing your body.
Speaker 2:Yes we are sensing systems. This, the skin, is a permeable membrane. Yeah, we'll feel the heat of the sun, it will feel water, it will feel pressure. We feel each other right through our skin, right through our skulls. So what we have to do is not shut that off the way society has taught us. Society has basically said shut that off right. Just think we need a rational brain Totally. Then you become a human doing and you try to meet your unmet needs by having stuff instead of being who you want to be that's right alert here, flashing red lights.
Speaker 2:You will not meet. You're having me, you're, you're being needs by having stuff, by consuming. Society lies to us about all these things. I won't get get into it, but I think I I hope people are kind of getting the big picture, the more you can just stop and practice sensing your body yeah going through the muscles.
Speaker 2:John john cabot is in, who is one of the kind of founders of the whole mindfulness movement back in the 60s and 70s, has a lot of great stuff. It's very easy to find meditation apps, but just breathing is literally how we are designed to take the environment into us, yes, and then to give back out into the air. We are constantly the waves on the shore, up to the shore, back to the ocean. We are, that is, the earth breathing that we are the earth breathing as well.
Speaker 2:So it just it puts us back into nature.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, I love that. And then my last question, and then I will close out with a closing question, and then we'll give you an opportunity to let my listeners know where they can purchase your book If they want to reach out to you on your Web site to see all the amazing things you've done as well. I think this is incredible when people need to kind of recalibrate. Let's say, they're doing the work, you know, they're showing up and then something hits them. Either that's a life challenge, a death, a job loss, and they have become dysregulated and they need to go back in, you know, go to do the work again. Some people, you know they hit that fall and it hits them hard and it takes literally the air out of them In terms of resetting themselves. What do you think and I know breathing is definitely like you said, breathe that's critical, but sometimes people can get stuck in their heads and what do you think could help them come out of that, or what suggestions would you recommend?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I have once again two answers the short term and the longer term. I'm going to start once again with the bigger picture longer term. Once again with with the bigger picture longer term. Yes, which is that? So it's okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, be barely there when you when you are grieving when there's a life change, when you are deathly concerned about an elder, a family member, a child, you know you've lost your job and the bank account's just not going to work anymore. That's right. You need to let yourself feel, because if you shut off feeling, you will not be able to feel anybody else. That is good, so acceptance is first. And if you want to, you can say okay, I'm going to give myself 10 minutes to cry.
Speaker 2:I'm going to give myself an hour to cry. I'm going to give myself an hour to journal. Journaling is excellent. I'm going to give myself a month. A month I'm going to take off from work. I'm giving myself a month to really experience this, because this is massive.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:Give yourself that time and whatever that looks like maybe it means you don't go to work, maybe it means you do go to work, but yeah right, but but you, you enter, you give yourself permission, yeah, whatever it is, that's huge and share it with others. Don't keep yes, feel it yourself journal, but make sure you communicate it with others. The difference between a big t trauma and a small T can simply be being able to share it with. So share it, so that's. That's kind of a big picture.
Speaker 1:I love that. That is great. Allow ourselves to feel that that it is OK. Give ourselves the time that we may need to process that grief or whatever. Has you know, taken us off and you know and we need to kind of just reset and that's okay. I love that. Give ourselves permission and if you, don't.
Speaker 2:If you bottle it up, you let yourself compartmentalize. If you keep saying, shut it off, move on, shut it off, it will never let you go. It will never let you go. You will be reliving that unprocessed emotion forever.
Speaker 1:Forever, that is good.
Speaker 2:So, and it's just because it loves you so much, you love yourself so much, it will prick you and it will hurt you forever. I have this great quote in the book about that Until you look at the pain, that's right and say, okay, let's sit down to tea Right here. Right, Come in. I welcome you. Yes.
Speaker 2:Let's feel each other and let's interact with each other, and you can do it with a pencil and paper, you can do it just alone with yourself, but you have to do it the short term. What are you doing when something really knocks yourself off? Yeah, yeah. Is so beyond the acceptance. I mean recognize that there's a lot of support out there.
Speaker 1:That's right. Yes.
Speaker 2:Don't get help. Ask for help there. That's right. Yes, get help, ask for help. Know that every moment the world is going up for you because there's never a moment where it can't, the world will go up for you. Ask for the help you need. Talk to people. Hey, look, I'm in a bad place right now. I just had to move my mother into an elder care center. Her dementia got to a point where she doesn't recognize me and I'm dealing with this yes you know and be real with people, because guess what we're all dealing with?
Speaker 2:we're all on the continuum for a reason and the more we hide it, the more we take away permission for other people. Yes. To say, you know, oh my God, you know I'm dealing with something that's not too different. Can I tell you about it? Like I meant so much that you entrusted me with this. Can I share? With you too. Yes. With me. So that's what to do. That's inauthentic.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that. Don't hide things. That's not being authentic. And the universe is going to show up for you and then we have to come. We have to ask for help. Someone's going to show up to help, whatever it looks like, whatever that help may look like.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I love that being authentic for just a second, because I just did so. The research on showing up started in 1999. My most recent survey on showing up was about three weeks ago, maybe a month ago now. Female executives and authenticity came up endlessly. They're afraid to be authentic at work. The point is an inability to be authentic is living in needs to be seen as, is living in needs to be seen as that. It is living in fear.
Speaker 2:you will not be able to notice, tune in, feel with and enact care you will be stuck in just showing up and remember your moments lack meaning when that's happening because you're not really there, you're not really in it, you're definitely not of it and you're not above it, so like, really, you're bouncing off it. That's what just just showing up. It's kind of hitting reality yeah, and then bouncing off. Why? Because the left hemisphere, which is what you're in when you're living in this like performative, inauthentic mode yes the left hemisphere cannot perceive of what's actually going on. All it does is it represents the past in your right now.
Speaker 2:That's good, I'm going to stop there. There's more in the book. This is the work of Dr Ian McGilchrist. Has written thousands and thousands of pages about this. It is massive.
Speaker 1:Yes, that is incredible. I love it, Marcy. You have given so many jewels and nuggets of it.
Speaker 1:I mean got to get the book because, wow, all I can say is wow, this is a game changer for so many people. No matter where you're at in life, what chapter you're in, whether you're 18, just graduating, whether you're 55, retiring, whether you're doing a second career, whatever this looks like, there's something in here for everybody, because we're all interconnected and we're all living this life and we're all going to be challenged at some point or time, and so we have to show up authentically for us to eat, for even more, even greatness to take place. Marcy, I want to give an opportunity for you to give you a web link, but if I had to go back and ask little Marcy, back when you stuttered and had to go through that kind of traumatizing experience, what would you say to her right now, where you're at? Because you're making a huge impact and I'm so glad that out of that experience, you came up with some solutions.
Speaker 2:But what would you tell her today? Yes, I've never been asked that. I don't know if anybody can see, but I have tears in my eyes. She's right here. She's right here and she's right here. I love you. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Yes, wow, just that simple. I love you and thank you because little Marcy has showed up and she's here and she's doing the work and she's doing some incredible things in the world. If people want to purchase your book or reach out for any services or connect with you, what is your web link or where can people Little Marcy needs to hear Okay, yes, we all need to tell ourselves.
Speaker 2:Needs to hear You're okay. Yes, we all need to tell ourselves, our younger selves you're okay, I got you.
Speaker 1:That's right. Oh, wow, I love that, and I love that vulnerable moment, because if I could think back to little Nicole as the reason why I was shy and we only have, like you know, a couple minutes left If I even deeper it just had to do with, you know, my parents were teen parents. I had to go and live with my grandparents. I moved in with aunts and uncles who are more like my siblings. I showed up at an inconvenient time and so I I felt like I just didn't have a voice, and so that that went on into why I was shy, why I put the walls up, because I felt like, at that present time, I was not wanted. Now was I supposed to be in the family that I was in.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm so grateful because it that's the reason why I'm here today and I had to do the work to get to this space. So I I don't take away from that, but but that's why, you know, I didn't want to talk. I didn't, I wanted to somewhat just disappear, and so, and and I love the fact that your book gives so many nuggets, whether whether that's someone who had my experience or some somebody else's experience but until we get that issue resolved. It's just going to keep showing up, but until we get that issue, resolved.
Speaker 2:It's just going to keep showing up. That's right, yeah, so choosetoshowupcom is the website Very easy to find, the link to the book, amazon, choosetoshowupcom. I'm very easy to find. I love it when people reach out. I want to know what impacted you with anything. I want to know what you want to hear more from, to know you know what you want to hear more from.
Speaker 2:Um, um, I've got a a um you know you can sign up for the newsletter I write like very infrequently I'm going to search and maybe do it once a month. I don't spend a lot of time with social media of any kind, even yes, no, I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that, and I haven't showed up, uh, as heavily as I want to in social media, too. I am stretching myself because I'm so busy living this life and starting to authentically show up. I'm trying to find what the balance is with all that and I will find that out, but me connecting with you is part of the journey.
Speaker 2:Yes, Listen, jettison the word balance. There's no balance. There's choices. There's choices in how you live each moment.
Speaker 1:I love that. Thank you, I needed to hear that there's choices, Marcy. It has been an incredible coming up on 50 Minutes, but this was well. This is well deserved and much needed. I appreciate your time, your book and the work that you are doing, and it is it's rippling out this conversation and I just want to thank you, and I know my listeners thank you as well, and it is it's rippling out this conversation and I just want to thank you, and I know my listeners thank you as well. I greatly appreciate you. Thank you for taking a space of me today.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, Nicole, thank you for being you, I mean what a high quality human being. You know helping investing every moment you have helping others. Thank you. That is what we're on this planet to do.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you.