Overcomers Approach

From Wounds To Power

• Nichol Ellis-McGregor • Season 8 • Episode 3

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What if the loudest voice in your head isn’t truth, but a hurt mind replaying an old script? Nichol from Overcomers Approach Podcast sits down with Hilary Momberger Powers, voice of Sally from the Peanuts specials and a mentor with 40 years in recovery, to trace how trauma, family dynamics, and early fame shaped a life she later rebuilt from the inside out. The conversation moves from survival roles like people-pleasing, isolation, and control to the practices that actually restore safety: stabilizing your senses, telling the truth, setting boundaries, and building a daily relationship with a higher power.

Hilary breaks down the cycle that keeps so many of us stuck: thoughts from a wounded place create feelings, feelings drive actions, and actions repeated become character. To change character, you have to change the root beliefs. She shares the moment a bottom became a beginning, how mentorship and 12-step guided her, and why joy outlasts the ego’s constant chase for more. One of the most powerful sections centers on forgiveness: a letter to her mother, grief transformed into empathy, and a spray-painted message beneath a tunnel that reframed her past—“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

This episode is for anyone tired of leading with their wound, ready to trade shame for responsibility, and hungry for tools that actually work. We cover alcoholism and family systems, healing trauma without glamorizing it, making peace with the past, and choosing service over self-obsession. Hilary’s journey from child star to script supervisor to coach illustrates how to reinvent with purpose, build real self-worth, and leave a legacy others can carry forward.

If the old story has been steering your life, press play. Then share this with someone who needs a crack of light.

Hilary has over four decades of diverse experience, she dedicated her life to inspire audiences as a Motivational Speaker and create captivating performances in the Women Empowering space. She is available for Keynote speaking, seminar presentation and small groups. Her unique perspective has equipped her in helping women overcome adversity, help heal trauma wounds, assist in using their scars to thrive, advocate for themselves, create a renewed passion and romance for life, and experience a mindset shift towards achieving life goals.

More on Hilary at https://www.hilarymombergerpowers.com/

Thanky you for listening!

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Thank you for listening!

SPEAKER_01:

Good day, everyone. This is Nicole Lis McGregor, the founder of Overcomers Approach Podcast. This is the podcast where I meet with people different from different walks of life, different experiences, different journeys. But the overarching theme is that we have the ability to almost overcome anything that we're faced in life and turn our victimhood or our experiences or our challenges into victories, into very empowering situations. And it's really all about leaving a legacy after we transition from here so that people could just pick up the baton and the and and move forward in life and run this race. Um, and so I am so happy to have Hilary Maumberger Powers here. She is a mentor, a coach, a public speaker, a writer. She's been in recovery for 40 years. Congratulations. In the early 90s, she worked as a program manager for the first sober living for women alcoholics in the United States. That is empowering because my mother is in recovery and my mother went into recovery in the 80s. And so I don't even think my mom would be here today if she didn't take that journey and that experience in her life. And she's definitely a role model for me in my life. And so I appreciate that there need to be places for women to heal and recover, specifically, that's based in what with for focused on women. We need the men too. But I think there's so many dynamics that play into womanhood and our experiences in our life and some other things that go on in our lives. It's very specific. So I'm very grateful for that. Um, and as a child, she was a well-known actress. Voice, she's a voice character for Sally of the many Charlie Brown cartoons, one of my favorite cartoons. Blessed have worked with Charles Schultz and Bill Menderson. Her passion is discussing alcoholism, family dynamics, mindset changes, egos, and ways of changing one's character, healing trauma wounds, and using scars to thrive and not just to survive. She provides guidance towards love, freedom from and binding up that emotional procrastination that I've dealt with personally. Toxic relationships. I've had my experience with that as well. Limiting beliefs, yes, helping people to avoid sitting in your shit. And so here I have the amazing Hilary Momberger Powers here today on my podcast. I'm so happy to have you here, Hilary. Wow, that's a lot. You've done a lot. And I know we had a brief conversation before we started, and you have a wealth of knowledge and information that I think would impact so many people. Tell me, how did you get on this journey of mentor, public speaker, healing trauma, and all the things that come with that? Where did the pivot come?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh gosh, it's like what a loaded question. You have to have your house decimated by a huge, you know, category six. Right. Oh my god, I need to build a new foundation.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

On it on the rock instead of on my dreams and wishes and fantasies and pain and hurt and rage and anger and sadness. And you know, the that's the greatest thing. If you guys on, you know, the women on your show are saying, Man, I'm I'm hitting bottom. I'm like, awesome, that's fantastic. I'm like that, I'm the cheerleader you hate, but okay. You know, it's it's so funny. We we we like to hold on to pain.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I I remember for so many years I held my victimism. It was a badge of honor. It was mine, I owned it. You know, it's like it's my feelings, it's my pain. Well, whatever you think about, you bring about. That's and I didn't know how powerful I was. I remember my first therapist when I was working underneath John Bradshaw in the 80s. Um, and I'll give you a little like two-minute because I'm like on the story, but blah, blah, blah. You know, because I'm on the other side. But you know, I remember my therapist saying to me, gosh, Hilary, you have no idea how powerful you are.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

And I was 20, 22 years old when I first got sober, and I was like, powerful. No, I'm not. Because I was I was married to my pain, I was married to my wound. It was my wound, it was my hurt, it was my anger, it was my disappointment, and I didn't want to give it up for anything because it was who I am. Yes, or I was who I was.

SPEAKER_02:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

And so, you know, in order for you to have a new experience, you have to give up your old experience.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

And when that is your your your you know, your badge. Yes, my name's Hillary, I'm a victim. So my life sucks. And I'll tell you why. If you give me five minutes, let me throw up on your lap. And I don't understand why everyone's going, oh Hillary, um, here she comes again. Oh my god. You know, that phone call, you're like, oh shit, it's her again. You know, I'm sure I was that woman.

SPEAKER_01:

I know that woman at times, am I right? Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

The wonderful thing because I can't, if my desire for happiness has got to be equal to my desire to stay stuck.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

And I, you know, in order for me to gain, I have to have super, super lack.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

And I was so in the lack department. Like I said, it was my identity.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Who else to be? You know, I thought I was supposed to be like this. So, my keynote, what I talk a lot about is I talk about no longer leading with my wound. Now, what does that mean? Yeah, you know, I'm not wounded. Oh, yeah, you are. I mean, I hate to say it, we all are. Yeah, world that's so unbelievably fractured, yes, and my mind interpreted my interpretation of my events, it put it up here. Now, my mind is hurt.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

So I have a hurt mind that's making all my decisions, it's picking all my men, it's picking my jobs, it's picking my friends, it's picking my conversations with my family, it's picking uh it's picking my conversations I have with a woman who doesn't put the cart back. Yes, or the woman in line who's got more than 10 items. Right, right. So this wound, this original wound, it's my wound. It's like a little kid that's going, no, no, do you want help with your tie in your shoes? No, I can do it. That's the that's the image. That's my that's my core person that's making all my life decisions. And I don't I don't even know it. All I know is I'm just I'm trying to survive. I gotta do it, I gotta do it, I gotta do it. Yes, I feel like I have this like steamroller saying you gotta figure it out, hurry up, you're 20, you're 30, you're 40, you're 50, you're in your 60s, what's wrong with you? It's too late. Lie.

SPEAKER_01:

Lie.

unknown:

Lie.

SPEAKER_00:

Because where am I processing that thought in my hurt mind?

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

So everything is going to be funneled through this mind that's so pained. I've got so many sad memories, I've got so many hurts. I have so many things deep down in the basement. I don't want anyone to know. Because I'm hoping, like I did, Santa Claus is coming. Right. I'm hoping it'll just go away if I say, doesn't hurt, I'm good, I got this. Oh, he's an asshole. I'm gonna get a new partner. Oh, yeah. But then I go out and I pick the same person over and over and over. And I'm like, what's wrong with me? Because I'm not taking responsibility for everything in my life. Oh my God, that was so hard. So I grew up in a um in a large alcoholic narcissistic mother family. There's your underlining, yeah, where whatever you do, it's never enough. You're not smart enough, pretty enough, you know, anything enough, no matter what you do. It never because I'm trying to please my mother. We don't want to please our parents, right? And when our parents are fractured, fractured doesn't mean throwaway.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, it's fractured can be mended, and that wound and that scar is gonna be stronger than ever if you allow it to heal right. And what we do is we keep retaining it's not there, it's not there, it's not there. It'll go away. I'll get a new one, I'll get a new car, I'll get a new husband, I'll have a couple more kids, I'll get a you know, a darker version, a lighter version. Uh, you know, I'll get a red version, I'll go to a blue version, I'll go to a whoa, duality. Right, but little do I know that this is all trauma responses. So it's like the jour of the day, it's like the narcissist is the jure or my truth. Oh my god, right, my truth, my truth is fractured, right? You know, my principles I call principles are your truths you live by. Most of all my principles are not even mine. You know, my mom when my mom, so I grew up in this family where my mother was an overachiever, she was in the 40s, she couldn't be a famous model because her dad didn't allow it. It was back in the days when you're okay, I guess. And now we have a culture where we push our kids to be famous, and the kids are just going, I just want to they just want a normal life, and that's and that's all I wanted as a kid, that's really what I wanted. So she pushed all us kids in the film industry, and you know, you call it luck. I don't call it luck, I just call it a part of my story because looking back on it, it's not really lucky to be put in front of the world and to put a face on and smile and look cute and at all costs don't show your emotion because you won't get the job, right? So I learned how to do that at a very young age. And so at five and six years, five, I got my first job as Sally and Charlie Brown Peanuts. And I did a lot of commercials, I did over 40 commercials, you know, nationals, big money, never saw a dime FYI. But so her, because of my mother's alcoholism and narcissism, her egos never satisfied, so she had to spend, buy more, more, more, and more, filling her void of God-sized whole.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So I grew up in this family, and I'm, you know, all of a sudden I feel the pressure of taking care of my seven six at the time. There were four and they're got seven children because my mother said your father's not, he's a you know, he'll never make enough, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

She called him some very, you know, ugly, you know, with the F the F word that meant you weren't very masculine, and I'm like six, going, what does that mean? You know, he's not good enough. He'll never be able to, you know, your brothers and sisters are gonna starve. You better make this job.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So trauma, if you think of the word uh tremor, yeah, when you have a tremor, you're like, you get jolted, you're no longer in your space, right? You've been jolted into another experience. There's your parallel life.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

You start living this other life, and you're now in a state of it's almost like uh, it's I would call it a kind of like that old like live or die, that that that that primitive kind of like, oh my god, am I gonna live or die? Am I gonna eat or am I gonna that's where the fight or flight comes in? The reptilian brain kicks in and just likes, oh my god, I've gotta survive. I'm not this little girl Hillary, I've now abandoned her. I've left her, it's not my mom's fault.

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

I want to blame everybody, yeah, because I don't want to take responsibility. If I take responsibility, I don't know how to do it. Right. My ego's in charge, and I don't want to be wrong. Oh, these little catchphrases, you're like, oh my god, that makes so much sense. So here I am as a little girl, always in fear. I've got blisters on my fingers, I'm biting my fingernails, but I know I got to put a mask on. We do that today. Yeah, we do it great, great, yes, but I have ovarian cancer and I have to get my breasts removed because I'm not honoring the woman I am. Deny, deny, deny. Fry, fry, fry.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So I go ahead and I'm, you know, I start living in this life all in my childhood, afraid it gotta be perfect, gotta people please. I'm doing all these commercials, you know. I'm going to school, or they they say, Are you oh, are you on that commercial? No, no, no, because I want to be, I want to be a part of a good tribe, but now I'm set aside, I'm put on a different level, and I don't want to be there.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So, you know, I'm hurting inside, I'm lonely, I'm scared, all these emotions. And when you're in trauma, there are four different personalities you take on. I talk about three because they really are the go-to.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm a people pleaser, yes, because that keeps me what safe.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you love me now? Do you oh okay, okay, yeah, yeah. I'll do anything you want. You become a loner, yeah. The kid sits on the phone 24 hours a day, or sits his head in a book, or hides, or disappears, or just goes away.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

It's safe, it's his safety or her safety. And then there's the controller. We call that a bully in school. Or the one, the girl that's like, No, I gotta have it like this, it's gotta be like this, mom. I need that. I I have to just trying to keep my life in order. Yeah, because why?

unknown:

I can feel safe.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, that's an illusion. That's being in the jungle, that's being primitive. I'm in Tranosaurus Rex, I gotta kill that person, I gotta keep that, I gotta do that. So you grow up in this in this energy frequency that becomes your life, right? Start building a character based around it. Yes, I'm a people pleaser, I'm do everything you want. I'm at kid when I'm a kid, I almost get raped, and I tell my mother, and she says it's my fault. So I take on, oh, everything's my fault.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

My fault. Now my mother is sick. Okay, child, I can't see sickness, I see good, bad, love, hate.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00:

The duality because that's trauma, either or there's no gray zone, no gray zone, none. Because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just trying to survive in the damn end. So I do all this acting, do all this stuff, find out 12 years old. I'm no longer Sally. My mother says, Okay, we can start doing porn, and I'm like, no way. Burns bad, at least I had enough sense.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

Later on, I just gave it away and gave it away and that's a different story because I'm in trauma still. That's right, that's right. Whatever. You know what? I've made peace. I always say, you know, people are like, you talk about that stuff. And I'm like, dude, you can't kill that girl, she is so dead. That's as much as you want about me. It doesn't hurt. I love that because I'm not that woman, I'm the woman that God made me. That's right. I got powerful. I tapped into the real source, not this my heart line. Yes, where God lives. So, anyway, so at 12 years old, girl, good girl turns bad. I'm no one, I become the loner, I start disappearing, I start running away. There's my other side, yeah. And I start controlling my life on the outside, and I decided you know, my mother hits me because she was a beater, she used to beat us kids. You know, what parent, you know, everyone's got that story. Yeah, okay, and what? Okay, so great, great. You're not sugar ray, trust me. Right. And how's that working out for you? As you're on food stamps, all right, and taking government assistance because I'm a victim. Fuck I always say, fuck that girl, take your power back.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what I'm take your power back. That's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_00:

Man, so anyway, so here I am, good girl times bad. I hit my mother, get tired of being hit. She arrests me, which means juvenile hall. I go to juvenile hall, I get transported into a foster home. There's sexual abuse going on. Yes, it was normal to me because I had been raped already a few times, so that I had been desensitized. Right. And then I saw my stepfather sleeping with my sister. And I thought, I don't want to live like that. So I ran away from that house. And then I lived in the streets and Compton. I lived out of a trap, you know, I'm like in a warehouse, and I kept thinking, I'm doing it. Because now I'm on the other part of my tri my my uh trauma. I'm in control, nobody's gonna hurt me. And if they hurt me, well, it's okay because I'll get through it. Yeah, I don't care if my life falls down because I'm gonna rise above the ashes. I can't stay above the ashes because I I have no tools. All I know is run, let go, be a victim. Run, let go, be a victim. And I'm exhausted. By the time I'm 21, you know, I lied. I went to nine high school or seven high schools, ninth grade. You know, I thought I don't need an education, I need the streets. Now, meanwhile, my whole childhood fame, right? I shut down because I'm so ashamed. I'm so ashamed of who I am. Yeah, maybe my mom was right, maybe I'm a piece of shit, maybe she shouldn't have had me, maybe I should kill myself. So I start going in the slitting the wrist and overdosing because my mind is hurt. Yes, my mind speaks to me with authority because I am my God.

SPEAKER_01:

I pray wow, that's impactful.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow, I pray to God, but my God is Santa Claus. God, if you're there, give me a new house, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me daddy, gig, gig, gig. I don't ask God what you want me to do or who you want me to be, or can you show me the way, or could you give me courage? Can you give me strength? Over the years, I've learned that dialogue. Yes, but in the beginning, I'm a I'm a really infantile little girl that just I want love. Yes, I find it with boys. I call it the seven-minute love. They hold me for seven minutes, they tell me I'm beautiful, and I go, and then they toss me aside and I go back to my wounded state. Because oh, it's just the pendulum swings, right? And it's exhausting, but nobody knows because hi, how you doing? Great, how you doing? Oh, everything's great. I mean, how many women do you know like that?

SPEAKER_01:

Many. I've lived in that space at times in my life as well, so I'm sure I have ever.

SPEAKER_00:

Empathy.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

I got no judgment. You know, I can't. Who am I to judge? I mean, you can't. If you live in a class house, girl, don't throw those stones.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. Don't throw them. Don't throw them.

SPEAKER_00:

You idiot. Okay. How's that working out, dipshit? That's what I would say. It was like, oopsie, I shouldn't have done that. Thank God. Bring it on. So anyway, so I I by 21, I I went in, I overdosed and went into a grandma's seizure. And you know, I had I looked up and I said, if there is a God, please stop this. I don't want to die. See, now all of a sudden I'm put to the fire. Do you really want to die?

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I just want to feel better, but I don't know how to get there.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean well and I can't do well. I don't know how to get there. I'm so defiant because I'm so terrified that I can't hear anybody to help me. So that jolt, I would love to say, and then I walked on water with Jesus and it was so good. But I didn't. But what did happen is a little light cracked into my hard head. And my head's not hard because I'm a you know a pain in the ass, even though my mother said that over and over and over and over. It was because it was the only way I could protect myself.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

And even though my pain in my mind was hurting me, it was my pain.

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

And I needed to hold on to something of my own. I didn't want to let that go. I was so hurting.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

I got that first glimpse of light. I got hungry for more. And so I got a little thirsty for that. And I found Alcoholics Anonymous, and I no longer was thirsty.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So I took that little sliver of hope. You know, God gives you angels and they give you fairies all day long. You're just so busy in your head thinking about me, me, me, I, I, I, I, I, I, we can't even see them.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

But then that bottom happens.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what I said.

SPEAKER_00:

If you're on a bottom, praise God, girl.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

That means when we say the word, I'm enlightened, I don't just get light shined on me, my load gets lightened.

SPEAKER_02:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

Enlightened. Yes. All of a sudden I got a little in I got a little lighter for the day.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

And I emerged into this other world where I started treating my trauma. Didn't even notice. Didn't you said trauma back then in the 80s? It was like, you know, I knew, you know, John Branshaw and his, you know, taking care of the inner child. I got introduced to my therapist who was his good friend. And, you know, he was my child. I was with him for 20 years. So I've done a lot of work, which sounds exhausting, but in order for me to be fed and taken care of and you know, comforted and safe, I need to put to work in.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

But I gotta give up my victim role. That was the best, that was the best role I played being an actor. We all got that role.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, for sure. I I I was I lived in victim land for many years. Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's so uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01:

It is.

SPEAKER_00:

There, and and you're like, I want my power. Well, start giving up your power. It's like I was having a conversation with a girlfriend and I'll jumping around a little bit.

SPEAKER_01:

No, you're good.

SPEAKER_00:

Stay with me, girls. I'm with you. So so we were talking about God and the devil.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Good, bad, black, white. There's a duality in life. Yes. Now the devil says you can have everything, right?

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

On the desires of your heart. Right? But in the end, you get nothing.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, there's a price to pay for that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because your ego is never satisfied. You want more and more and more and more and more. Now God says, I'm gonna remove everything from the earth, and you're gonna you're gonna find joy, not happiness, joy is forever. Happiness is fleeting. Yes, that's the that's the ticket, you know. The dark side gives you happiness, yeah. It's never sustainable and it's never satisfying.

SPEAKER_01:

No, it's insatiable, and so you can't that appetite is never satisfied.

SPEAKER_00:

It's not because I'm going to my ego, not to my God. So God says, I'm gonna take everything away and I'm gonna give you things that are gonna make you feel fed. Yes, but when you're in fear, you want to see your happiness, you don't want to feel it because you don't trust feelings.

SPEAKER_01:

So true.

SPEAKER_00:

Feelings are not facts. News, yeah. I go to my feelings, I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna go there. I'm not gonna pray. Oh my god, no way. If I can't see that, if I can't see that car slip, you know, the pink slip to my car, it is not real. I'm like, just thank them for it, babe. And I got I have to the I the when I work work with people, I give them stuff they're like, oh my god. I'm like, whatever, I don't want to, I don't care about your feelings. They're gonna change as soon as you like have a piece of chocolate, right? They're gonna change as soon as you like go to the bathroom because you're so tightened up that your body like it's gonna change as soon as you go outside and get some sun on your face. Yes, you inhale some breath, fresh air, and you drink a glass of water, your ch feelings change. Yes, facts don't the fact is God loves us.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

Gave me life. There's a fact. There's a fact. That's a fact, yes, stone cold fact. So anyway, I ended up getting into recovery, and you know, I got I surrounded. God put so many great mentors in my life. I have a litany of them, we all do. Yes, you know, if we kind of sit back and go, yeah, I remember that woman said to me, Hillary, you have such a great brain. Why don't you use it? Right. When I was selling pots and pans on the 91 Freeway, I was like, I have a brain, but my mind is so hurt it tells me I'm nothing and I'm a piece of shit. I should kill I'm throwing up 10 times a day because I'm stuffing myself with feelings and I'm throwing them up because I'm enraged over stuffing them. So I'm in this like cycle of like hate. I look in the mirror and I say things like I fucking hate you, Hillary. I don't hate Hillary, I hate the pain that I have and I don't know how to get rid of it.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't I keep stuffing more things, people, places, things, situations, hoping it'll smash it down like a trash compactor. Right. But it's that if I tr smash it down like a trash compactor, yeah, is my foundation. The body is my foundation, girl.

SPEAKER_01:

That's good.

SPEAKER_00:

That's good down, right? Right to extract it, I need to pull it out, and I need to look at who the person I think I am. Because that's where my thoughts are, my hurt mind, my fraction hurt mind. It's so sad, my mind hurts. And I don't want to say I'm sad because then I'm vulnerable.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

So I push it to I don't need anybody, screw him, screw her. Oh, I all of a sudden I'm large and in charge, right? I'm untouchable, I'm defiant. People are like, oh god, she's so angry. I remember this girl said to me I was in my 20s, and she said, You know, Hillary, you're the angriest woman I've ever met. I'm like, what are you talking about? Right, I couldn't see it. She saw it because I'm a I'm in frequency. Yes, I'm a dark low vibration. I don't even know it. Why am I low? Where's my foundation? That shit. I have compacted deep, deep, deep down in my basement. There's my foundation, that's where I live on. Yes, so I gotta really kind of take it out and look at it, examine it. Sometimes not alone because I can't go down there alone because myself can't reveal itself to myself because I'm protecting it. Yes, that's good. That's why it's good to have a mentor or spark or therapist or somebody that's gonna guide you out of it, not to become your guru. Right, you know, when I work with people, I do not allow them to attack attack, they can't get their claws in me. I don't want you to rely on me. I want to show you how to rely on you and God. I want you to feel your power, I don't want to be your power. Yes, I'm not because you know what I always say. That it's not about the money because God makes the trees, God makes the dollar bills, I don't make it, you don't make it. I go to my source, not I don't go to people, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And he's the resource, so yeah, duh.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm here, yes, yes, that's here to have an experience, yes, we're here to go help me. I every parent wants their child to say, please, I need help. We're like, Oh my god, that's amazing! They need me, right? That's what God does. He said, God, I need help. Can you please show me? He's like, Absolutely, my child. Yes, you life. I want to show you how to enjoy the life I gave you. That's right. So over the years, you know, I ended up going back to high school. I got my diploma, I went to nursing school, I went to art school, and I wanted to re-emerge in the film industry because I had like my first 12 years were really that was my world, and those are my formative years of like how I meet people. So I learned how to say to meet people immediately. So there's kind of different things I got out of it, and a lot of pain and a lot of old hurts that I stored. So and so when I got back at 23, I was working at a um, I got a job at Promises, which was the first rehab. I had a already go had a crash and burn marriage by 21.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm like, are you my daddy? We stayed married for a year, and he's like one of my closest friends still, you know, he's like runs Tony Rog Robin's company, you know, business management. So he's a he's a high hitter and a really girl, you know, just gargaceous man. He's just really full of life. But um, and we laugh about it. Say, oh my god, I picked you from my wound. I'm like, so did I. He's like, Will you make me look good? Yeah, and I said, and will you be my daddy? So it was a great fit at the time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, at the time, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

And so I got this job at Promises, which was the first woman's um um rehab, not the re it was it was the first woman's halfway house, and I was the house mother, I was a project manager of this halfway house. I'm 23 years old, and I'm telling 60 year olds to make their bed and sign up, and I'm going, I'm scared. Right. My mentor said, Hillary, God put you in this position because he wants you to stretch. That's right, and it's you know, it's painful when you stretch, it is painful, but it's worse. Total, total. So, and then I ended up going and they opened up this the promises, and they opened up two other rehabs, and it became the outline of everyone in America. So Richie Rogg and Andy, Andy, um, what was the last name? Oh my god, I had a brain part. Annie, she was she's you know, they they they created this world of helping people.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And at the time it wasn't about the money, it was about really getting people back to self and getting to God and and seeing that they are no longer their wounds and they don't have to, but it's a little different dynamic today. It's definitely changed just okay. So, anyway, so I you know I started on that journey and I was I went to art school at the same time, and I would double job because I'm a worker, right? Mom taught me how to show up, right? So, as much as I hated this woman 25 years ago, I took a risk and I forgave her. And you know, I can that's a real that'll be my end. I'll I'll book, I'll end that with that. But so I ended up going to art school and I was working on a movie board, and I had already been me too'd, I had auditioned, and they said, Hey, pretend like you're giving me a blowjob. I'm like, Okay, but I'm so that wounded girl. I get it. I'm a people pleaser, yes, and I'm afraid of making you mad at me. Yeah, and then I do it and I cause myself more pain. Did I not indeed do it? So I started looking at this stuff like I'm the one who placed myself in that position. Yes, and people say, Well, you know, how can you say it was your fault you got raped? I'm taking responsibility, yeah. In a bathing suit and tight clothes and being seductive. Yeah, man, we live in an animal world. That dude took advantage of me. Did I not start it? Yeah, I gotta take responsibility. I'm 50% part of that whole equation.

SPEAKER_01:

That's some real true self-awareness that I don't want to be the victim.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, because then I'm gonna put out that energy and it's gonna happen over and over. Yes, yes, and I got to hit bottom on that, and I got to see, wow, man, my life is a result of what I feel. I I think the think is from a hurt place, becomes a feeling. I feel like I'm not worth anything, it becomes an action. I choose things that reflect the way I feel, yes, and then it becomes my character. You know, she's always, oh my god, she's always losing things, she can't keep things, she can't finish things, she can't accomplish anything, she's a hot mess, you know, she's so drama. That's me. You know, and I don't know how to change my character, but I gotta go back to the beginning. Yes, the roots of all this stuff. So I get this job working on movie boards, you know, posters, and I said I think I want to go back in the film industry. So, but I want to use my brain because someone said I was smart.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So I went to UCLA Film School and I became a script supervisor. And over the years I've worked over 300 projects. You know, I'm old, so I retired a couple, you know, a couple years ago from the from doing continuity, and now I'm doing what I'm doing as my love. Now I'm doing my passion, right? Has become my purpose and my passion. So I um I ended up doing all this stuff, and throughout the years, it was a perfect place for a runner. It's the surface you go from job to job. So I never had to get really intensely people didn't have after a couple months like they're so great because you never got to see that side of me.

SPEAKER_01:

That that that used to be me. You're speaking to the player, I get it.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, you're getting to know me, one in doubt, run. Yeah. Right. I'm out of here. I'm out of here.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So, anyhow, so over the years, and you know, it's been I've had a lot of hurt and and stuff happen. My father killed himself. And I, you know, that's grief, that's deep grief, but I got to look at it from a different perspective. Like my dad made a choice. Why? And I've made choices. I can't be mad at him. I'm sad, I miss him, but I don't know what was going on between him and God. I don't know, not my business. Right. I gotta stay right with my maker.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

When my brother died of AIDS, and he was one of my biggest ads, oh my god, he was like, he taught me how to read. He used to say me, Hillary, you have no idea how loving you are. I'm like, no, I'm not. And he goes, You are pure love, and one day you're gonna give it away. And you know what? He was right, you know, and my sister died of an overdose, and you know, I've had a lot of strife, and then my mother finally just died of um alcoholism.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So I got to, I put her into eight and we put her into promises and all these places, you know, with my connections and got kicked out because she, you know, they're mean, they hate me. Victim, victim, victim. And I got to see my mother from the outside because I slowly I learned to detach with love.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

But I no longer was, mommy, do you love me now? Do you love me now? I got to step back and see that my mother hated herself. My mother was suffering from narcissism. It's a painful, painful, self-centered because of hate, hate, hate. And my mother was an alcoholic. And so I was I was struggling in my, you know, 20, 25 plus years ago, and you know, on my journey, and you think, oh, you're supposed to be good after so says who? You know, I've got this big cauldrum of my soup, I call it past, my teenage, my childhood, the good things, the bad things. Those are all my ingredients, and they gotta cook.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

If I make a chicken soup, I don't stick chicken in and go, it's here, enjoy, have your salmon, have a nice right. It's gotta cook, and I don't know how long it's gonna take. That's not my business, that's God's business.

SPEAKER_01:

That amen.

SPEAKER_00:

So over the years, my my mentor used to say, Do you pray? And I'm like, Are you kidding? No, I'm purgatory because of God. I don't know what I did. Like that was my thoughts. I was Catholics, so that was my dialogue. Yes, and she said, Why don't you start building a relationship with God? If you had a friend, wouldn't you call your friend occasionally? Yeah, would you what would you say? Hey, how are you doing? What's going on? You tell a little bit about yourself, and wouldn't you listen a little bit about them? I'd be like, Yeah, okay, why don't you start having conversations with this power you don't know? You don't understand that created you in the first place. So I started building a started to build a relationship with this power greater than me. Yes, now I have a name, it's God. I thank you, Jesus, thank you, Lord, thank you. You know, thank you, power, thank you, thank you. And then I started saying, Thank you. Yes, I say, you know what? Thank you, God, for all the crap I went through. Well, I'm actually I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for all that stuff. And I started to see the pony in the horseshed. Yes, I started to see that there was good in all that crap I was going through, and I started taking. More and more responsibility for my life so I could have it over my life. And so I started building this friendship with this God of my. And then when my mother passed away, the rage came up. Stuffed and stuffed. Because I use my energy of, you know, mom. Yeah. Right? I'm gonna get a job. I'm gonna show you. And I'm it's not my job. I'm doing it for her to show her that I'm better than she said I was.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

But I never felt good about myself because I would never did anything for me. It was always getting back at the world. At you, getting back at the guy and get a better guy. But then when it didn't work out, I'd lie about it and say, I broke up with him. Or I left. Why'd you leave? Oh, he was just not my type. No, I left because I was terrified of you finding out who I thought I was and leaving me because I don't want to be left again. So I ended up, um, you know, my my my mentor, he said to me, he said, you know, until you forgive your mother, because when she died, I was pissed.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

The the morgue called my brother, and I thought, oh great. I put her in eight places. Here's the here's the victim. I put her in all these hospitals. He called him. That's not right. You know, poor, poor, poor me.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

I ended up, um, he said to me, he said, you know, until you make peace and see your mother from right size, you're never gonna heal. You're never gonna have a happy, joyous life. So leaning on your wound of how bad your life was. Keep making your pastor present over and over and over. So she was my biggest nemesis, she was the biggest thorn in my life. I I had looked at all my old relationships, but it all goes back to the beginning.

SPEAKER_01:

It does.

SPEAKER_00:

That original. And so when you when you stabilize your seeing, tasting, touching, hearing, smelling, you calm everything down. I'm not drinking, I'm getting sleep at night, I'm drinking water, I'm surrounding myself with people of my likeness. I'm not, you know, staying out at clubs all night where it's like, ooh, the me my ears, every all my senses are stabilized. I now have joined a community where I feel safe, I feel wanted, I feel accepted. You're not in that one, you're out, you know, in hate all day long. And then I start getting some self-worth and self-esteem. So now I can get a job and I feel like I'm contributing to the world. And now I'm at a place where I'm like, I have nothing to give because I'm still trying to get.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So I my mom was living in Santa, I I was living in Santa Monica. It means nothing if you don't live in that part of the world in California. And in order to get to the beach, you have to go underneath the highway.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I'm living in Santa Monica, so I take my mother's ashes and I throw them on the ocean right next to my house. And I always say, so I can keep my enemies close. But you know, I put them on the ocean, and so I write out a long three-page letter about all the things she did to me, and then I got to look at the character I built in reaction to her. Yes, she hit me, so I hit her back. She lied to me, I lied to her back. She was neglected me, I neglected me. So I started seeing all these like, whoa, she's my mirror. Like, oh shit. And so when my mother I broke my arm, I just tell the story, it's like it's out in the open, and she wouldn't take me to the hospital and said I was too expensive. And so in the back of my mind, I didn't take care of myself physically because I'm too expensive.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

And when I got mad at her and I broke her arm because I snapped her arm and it broke.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

What do you think I said to her? We're not taking you to the hospital, mom. You're too expensive. It'll heal. So now I become the perpetrator. I become was the victim. Now I'm the perpetrator. Yes. Hurt people, hurt people. So true. So this energy I'm giving to everybody in my life. I don't even know I'm doing this.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

So I make peace with my mom, and I go down, I go underneath the highway, and I sit down and I read her this letter, and I say, Mom, I did these things. I'm no different than you. Right. You know that I don't think you chose to hurt me and starve me and take my money and send me to juvenile and foster homes and homeless. And you were reacting out of your pain that you never dealt with. So all of a sudden, I have empathy for my mom.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So now here I am, here she is. Now we're like this. Now I can see my mother eye to die. And I can see her as a human being, not as the evil Satan, all the names I used to call her, you know, the killer, the, you know, you know, hillside strangler. I mean, we called her everything. But all of a sudden I saw her as a very sick woman who never had an opportunity to start healing like I did. My poor mom. God, she went. And then I start looking at all the wonderful gifts she gave me. I'm strong. I have her looks, I have her sense of humor. I have a wicked sense of humor. I have her brains. I have her uh she she because she left me out there, I'm resilient, I'm strong, I have empathy for other human beings because I know what it feels like to have nothing. And to build up and and do whatever it takes to heal.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

All of a sudden I'm right size.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

And I sit down there for about an hour and a half, and then I I feel, you know, I'm with God. I'm like, God, can you believe be with me now? I'm gonna have a conversation with mom. Don't let me, you know, don't let me beat the crap out of her, you know, help me back down when I need to. Help me see what you want me to see. Help me feel the way you want me to heal. And in that time that I that I did that, I turned around and I went back to the tunnel, and someone had written in gold spray paint on this brick wall or this wall that's going back in the tunnel. Yeah, it's it's new late, it's never too late to have a happy childhood.

SPEAKER_01:

That is that is good.

SPEAKER_00:

And I looked at that and I thought, oh, thanks, God.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Now from that moment on, I had a different perception of my childhood. I see it from a different place. Like, yeah, this should happen to me, but thank you, God. Thank you, mom. Thank you. If these things didn't happen, I wouldn't be sitting here, Nicole, with you. Right. I wouldn't have been able to help. I I can't even tell how many people I've been of service to over the last, you know, since the 80s, and and you know, and I still have so much life to give.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

So I'm no longer leading with my wound, I'm not living in my feelings because I know I'm gonna have them. Yeah, they're gonna pass just like gas.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I love that. Just like gas, quick. They're gonna feelings are gonna pass. They're gonna pass. That's it.

SPEAKER_00:

And then all of a sudden, you know, so now I have power over my life because I tap into a power greater and other than me. Then I go, God, help me be a really good person today. Help me be the best woman that you intended me to be. Help me be kind, help me be loving, help me be a great wife, help me be a good friend. I don't go to this because those stuff are still in there.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and that's God, yeah. Tell you the wrong information, or yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I ask God when I'm in my head. I'm like, God, please protect me from my thoughts.

SPEAKER_02:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

They're hurting me today. Can you help me, God? Can you please? And so all of a sudden I have this relationship I don't understand, but I'm in love with you know, that I can't see it, taste it, touch it, hear it, smell it. But there's something that happens when I tap into it. Yes, things just move, things happen like that. Yeah, life is not all of a sudden, yes, just a lot, a lot of stuff until it's done. It's not all of a sudden, it's done. So, you know, it's allowed me to reinvent myself because I know I'm not gonna go to Hillary, I'm gonna go to God.

SPEAKER_01:

Show me, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

I go to the things that when I'm upset, I don't sit and think about it over and over and over. And I go, Oh my god, I turn the other cheek, I look somewhere else. I say, Hey, how are you doing? And then I I've learned to listen.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

So then I can hear you say, I'm having a bad day. And my captain, I would say Captain Sabah ho goes, how can I help you? Because I'm tapped into God who wants to right. Oh service. So it's been a really incredible, bumpy ride. I was unseat belted for a long time. Now I'm buckled up. So I know that when I get to those heights in life, it's not so I can go, I have arrived. It's so I can look down and go, okay, there's more shit down there. That's right. Snow, I'm gonna go back in. I'm going in.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow. Well, Hillary, that is an amazing, amazing testimony story. Uh, it is so impactful because I think, like you said, there's a lot of wounded people walking around here on this earth.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And um that, and when you have been in a victim, you can manifest that and recreate it in many different forms, relationships, jobs. And what people are really looking for is a safe of safety and protection in that. And they will come out in characters, people pleaser, bully, you know, the loner. And those are all coping mechanisms to help them. They think it's healthy, but it's it's really not. And so I love the fact that you are just taking this batana and and leaving this legacy for others to be inspired by because I think the world that we live in, you said something that really resonated with me is that you know, now we're pushing kids to be like these influencers, these movie stars, and what they really desire is just a place to call home, a place to call normal, a place of peace, a place of belonging. Yes, a place of connection. Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

I want to be in the herd. There's nothing wrong with being in a herd.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, and um, there's still a a child within many people um that we need to sometimes that needs to heal. And I love that what you've seen out of the tunnel, it's never too late. What was it to recreate your childhood or it's never too late to have a happy childhood?

SPEAKER_00:

Man, girl, that spray paint was wet when I say I get God is my witness, man. Like I get the goosebumps. I'm like, wow, is that odd or God, girl? You don't, right?

SPEAKER_01:

That is God, and then you're a reminder that God is our source, and so the stories, the experiences, and I can relate to in some of those instances um with my own mother and in my own life, and just um, you know, I had a brother that overdosed, I had a family member that died of AIDS, and all these are crazy, right? All these things would bring shame to me back, you know, back way back when because I didn't want to share, because I thought that now I had to go with this scarlet letter, the spaces that I was in, it was kind of like a scar. If you had someone kill themselves or, you know, in my head, in my head, boom, yeah, and it's so refreshing for you to walk in your authenticity, your realness, your rawness. You know, there are many girls, young women that are giving it away. That's a whole nother story. Honey, I sold that shit, and um you never bet your worth, darling. Just news flash, boom, right there. Exclamation point. And I think so many people can relate to so many things that you've said. No matter what walk of life they come from, I meet so many people in the space that I'm in. It doesn't matter who they are, where they are, whatever. It just we're really more alike than we're different.

SPEAKER_00:

And so we have that it we have that invisible thread, yes, and this earth suit shit, yes, which is guarding our soul and our needs love.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right, needs love, and that like you said, that and and that space within us, that that's that wound, that is something that I feel like can only be God, can only help.

SPEAKER_00:

Guide, he's not gonna say, He's not gonna go like this, right? Or you know, he's gonna say, I'm I'll give you strength, but you gotta do it. I want to see you do it. It's like a parent.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, we gotta take action.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, our parents, our parents they want to give us everything, yes, then they hate themselves for doing it because then they rob the kid the journey of feeling good about themselves, exactly and building up some resilience and some and self-love, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, well, Hilary, if people want to get in touch with you um for to be a keynote speaker or for some coaching or mentorship or to uh inquire more about your services, what is your website that they can go to to connect with you?

SPEAKER_00:

They can go to Hilary Momberger, M-O-M-B-E-R-G-E-R powers dot com. You can email me at infinfo at Hillary Momberger Powers. Yes. Um, yeah, and if you I'm on LinkedIn, I'm on Instagram, I'm starting that thing. I'm like, oh, do what the kids do. I know I'm gonna pretend I'm not 63. Hey.

SPEAKER_01:

Um that are 100 that are doing the thing, so there's doing some, hey.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm like grandma, grandma, right, right. You're awesome. Right. Um, yeah, I am available and I do offer, I do a lot of, like I said, keynote, it's you know, seminars, retreats, um, colleges. I love doing working, um sharing at colleges because that's like the time when you're just like either you're gonna go right, you're gonna go up critical time right there. Yes, yeah, yeah. And then you know, I also do coaching, six to twelve week coachings, but I don't I don't have a big curriculum, I don't do a lot. I work with a certain amount because I want to give you my time. That's right. Like I said, I I get you through it so you can become you dependent and God dependent, not independent.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. I love that. Well, Hilary, I'll make sure that I have your contact information in the description when I edit uh my podcast. It has been a pleasure. You are amazing. You are definitely we are too.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that we're from the same core. It's like yes, can't judge a book by its cover, ladies.

SPEAKER_01:

No, you cannot. No, you definitely cannot. Yeah, um, and with that, Hilary, thank you, thank you, thank you. It has been a pleasure and it's been an awesome experience. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks for inviting me. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, thank you. You as well.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, cool.