A Stroke Forced Her To Stop And Finally Listen

Success can look flawless on the outside while life feels tight and fragile on the inside. Nichol Ellis-McGregor and transformation facilitator Heather Stewart unpack what “alignment” really means for high-functioning women who carry big roles, big expectations, and quiet burnout. Heather’s turning point is startling: after years in corporate leadership, then wellness work as a yoga teacher, personal trainer, massage therapist, and coach, she suffered multiple strokes during COVID. With no visitors and limited ability to distract herself on a phone, she was forced into stillness. That pause became a reset that sharpened her message on self-worth, sustainable change, and living from the inside out.

Heather reframes the stroke as a benefit because it interrupted autopilot and revealed a bigger purpose. Watching the emergency room’s nonstop stream of fear, stress, family pressure, and crisis gave her a wider lens: helping someone build a business is useful, but helping them build a life is essential. From that experience she expanded beyond business coaching into whole-life support and created frameworks rooted in clarity, self-trust, and practical steps. A key theme is that progress does not require a dramatic overhaul. Small moves are more sustainable than big moves, especially for anyone overwhelmed by long to-do lists, perfectionism, or the pressure to “keep it together.”

When people feel stuck, Heather points to fear and the false choice many of us make between safety and happiness. Familiar routines can feel safer than a pivot, even when we know we are unhappy. The answer is not reckless leaps or performing confidence; it is learning to be the “lighthouse, not the lifeboat” by lighting a path and taking one doable step. For listeners unsure what happiness even looks like, she offers gentle discovery tools: revisit what you loved as a child before societal expectations narrowed your options, and practice five minutes of daydreaming by staring out a window and letting your mind wander. This creates space for creativity, memories, and buried desires to surface without forcing an immediate solution.

The conversation also tackles the cost of pretending. Curated perfection, hustle culture, and gendered expectations can push women to mask stress until it leaks out as exhaustion, irritability, or collapse. Heather encourages real vulnerability with real people, not performative oversharing online, and highlights the power of women’s community and in-person connection as a protective factor against burnout. Finally, she challenges the idea of “work-life balance” as a rigid target and replaces it with harmony: a living system that keeps adjusting like steering a car or standing on a wobble board. The closing takeaway is freeing and actionable for any life transition: pivots do not have to produce a certain outcome. Follow curiosity, release the need to prove your worth, and let small aligned actions rebuild a life that feels like your own.

More on Heather Stewart at https://heatherstewart.coach/

Thank you for listening!

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Good day, everybody. This is Nicole Ellis McGregor, the founder of the Overcomers Approach Podcast, where I meet with different people from different walks of life, different experiences, and different expertise. But the overarching theme is that we have the ability to almost come overcome any situation that is set before us. I love the fact that we have Heather Stewart here. She's a Toronto-based author, speaker, and transformation facilitator who helps high-functioning women stop pretending that they're okay and start living in alignment with their true worth. She is the author of Illuminate Your Worth. Stop pretending you're okay. Start living like you mean it, and host, and she hosts a weekly podcast focusing on self-worth, clarity, and real life change. With a background that bridges corporate leadership and holistic well-being, Heather brings a rare mix of credibility, warmth, and practicality to stages, organizations, and communities. Her work supports women who are successful on the outside and exhausted or disconnected on the inside, helping them move from autopilot and to avoid burnout into self-trust, clarity, and sustainable alignment. Through her speaking membership community and growing digital platforms, Heather creates spaces where women can reconnect with themselves, make meaningful changes, and build lives that actually feels like their own. Heather, welcome to the Overcomers of Approach Podcast. I love, love, love your bio and everything that you have to offer. I know that myself and my listeners are interested in hearing more from you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Thanks, Nicole. That's that's quite an intro. Right? I'm like, wow, did I do all that? Wow.

Why A Stroke Became A Gift

SPEAKER_02 1:47

I I love that. I love that because I I speak with other people and they're like, wow, I really did do all that. And yes, you did. And so I think that we ended. Yeah, yeah. And as you continue to trailblaze and walk on this journey to bring others along on some of your experiences. Um, my first question is why do you feel like having a stroke was a benefit to your life? I would love to hear more about that.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

People, when I when I tell people that I had a stroke, so I had a stroke in 2021. It was right in the middle of COVID. And um, people are always like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I was like, No, it was great. And then they think I'm crazy. And it was so fascinating because I had been doing all of the work that I talk about, right? Like I had left corporate 20 years before. I had done all of these things and I'd gone into wellness and I was working at the time my coaching practice. Actually, I was a massage therapist. So when I left briefly, when I left corporate, I went into wellness and I opened my own yoga studio and I started teaching yoga and I became a personal trainer because I'm like, well, they need to be strong as well. And and then I went back to school for two years and became a massage therapist because here where I live, it's government regulated, so you have to like take these big exams. So I was working as a massage therapist, I was doing all these things for wellness, and I had, I'm like, I got my life together, you know. So and and I was also coaching, I had started coaching because um one day one of the brand new massage therapists that was working with me said, I started telling her all these things to do to be successful, and she said, Heather, you should teach people this. Yeah, and I thought, wow, that's a really great idea. I have a lot of business background. So I started business coaching for health and wellness specifically because they're so good at what they do, but they struggle, struggle, struggle to be to feel successful. So I started business coaching and then COVID comes, and pretty much everything I do has to stop because I'm working with people right directly. I wasn't online at the time. And uh I, you know, I figured I can I can manage my way through this. You know, I've built my life really well, you know. I've I'm I'm okay. I'm okay. Then I get a stroke. I'm like, what? Yeah, what another thing you're gonna get me to work with. So but it was funny. So I had to do a a PSA, a public service post one day because when I had my stroke, it was a Friday night, it was Halloween, and I got double vision. And I mean, I knew what all of the symptoms of strokes I knew because you know I was a health professional. So I'm I can remember very clearly I'm standing in the kitchen talking to my husband, and I'm like, Well, I said out loud, I don't think it's a stroke. I'm not blurring, I'm not, you know, I'm not slurring, I don't have double vision, my strength is fine, my cognition is fine. I'm just gonna go to bed.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

So I went to bed and I woke up 12 uh, you know, I woke up the next morning and I'm like, oh, it's still here. So we have a service here where you can phone and talk to a nurse practitioner, and she said, I think you should go to the hospital. I said, Okay, where's the hospital? Because it's a big city, right? I didn't even know where where the closest hospital was. Uh, this that's how healthy I had been. Wow, I'd never been in the hospital. So my husband drove me down to the hospital and I walked in at like 9:30 in the morning. I'm like, yeah, I've got a little double vision going on. And I went into no one's allowed in unless you're sick because it's COVID, right? So no masks, no visitors, nothing. They take me in to shorten the story. It wasn't until 12 hours of being in the hospital that they realized I'd had a stroke because they I seemed fine, right? They tested everything at 10 o'clock at night. They say, Is your husband here? I'm like, Well, he's just outside bringing me a cup of tea, actually. Right. They said he's not allowed in. The doctor said he's not allowed in because I'm gonna bring him in. And he was so stressed out. The poor guy. I think they suffer more than we do. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

I have a husband, I could totally relate, vice versa. Yes, right.

The Hospital Moment That Redirected

SPEAKER_00 6:30

When there's something wrong with us, we're we've got, we're like, we've got this. They're like, Oh my god, my life, my life. So they said, We're admitting you, and you've had two strokes. And I thought, do you have the right chart? You know, because I was like, This is they're talking crazy over here, right? But I kind of went, okay, so what does this mean? So they admitted me, but there was no rooms in the hospital, there's no beds, so I had to stay in the emergency room. So I stayed in the emergency room. I say it's a gift because I stayed in the emergency room for three days, not really knowing what was going on, except that they said I'd had a stroke and no one was allowed to visit me. And because of the stroke had affected my vision, I could my the double vision had cleared, but if I wore my glasses, I was nauseous because something was going on with the alignment in my eyes. Right. So I couldn't do what people do, which is go into their phone when they don't want to face something, right? So I'm laying there watching life outside my little emergency room cubicle because people are coming and going. It's a very busy weekend, downtown hospital, and it's Halloween, so there's a lot of craziness going on. And I'm thinking, okay, so you've parked me here for a reason. So then I just switched, like I didn't spend very long in the oh my god, what's gonna happen to me spiral. I kind of went into the what's why why am I here? What's this all about? So I started to just pay attention and listen, and I realized that there were so many aspects going on for people outside of the room that I was in. Like um, adults were bringing in their elderly parents, and they're you could tell their elderly parents were scared and worried, and they were people were bringing in their children, and then there was the drunk partiers coming in. Yes, wow, there's a lot of life going on. There was policemen who had brought people in, and I had the curtains of my cubicle closed, so people didn't realize that I could hear conversations. I'm listening to conversations, I'm like, this is life, yes, and what came to me was you know, the universe is basically saying, Heather, we need you to expand what you do. Yeah, help people with their business, but that's such a small piece of their life. This is life outside this cubicle. Yeah, this is what you need to help people with. And I was like, Oh, okay. So when I got out of the hospital, because I had been doing a business podcast called Build a Better Business, yes. Um, I switched over and I created a podcast called Back to Me, where I interviewed over 200 people, kind of like where you are now. I was like, I just gotta talk to people. So I interviewed over 200 people who were trying to help people change them, like get back to taking care of themselves. Like it was so, and that's where my whole program came from. Actually, I have a program called the Thriving Life Method, and it came from that time in the hospital because I realized when I was laying there, I'm like, okay, physically I'm actually okay, like I'm really healthy. The neurologist told me you'd had by the end of it, I'd had three strokes. He goes, But you're so healthy, you know, your brain's fine. I'm like, well, okay. I okay, I got a really bad headache right now, but right, and I was feeling really good emotionally, like I felt positive. My community, one of my friends found out that I was in the hospital and knew that I couldn't read messages, so she messaged everybody, and everybody was sending me voice messages to listen to. So I'm like, I have a really supportive community. My patients and my clients are were all sending me messages saying, Take care of yourself, we love you, don't worry about us. You know, financially I was fine, and I felt like the universe just needed me to stay still for five minutes so it could tell me what it needed me to do. It's like we got to stop this girl for just five minutes so that we just tweak her direction. So I was like, okay, so all these pieces of my life, not everybody has all their pieces in like working really well for them. So let me expand what I do, look at their whole life, not just their business, and help them just like I don't make decisions for people. I say, well, I just help them like look at all the parts, like a Rubik's Cube, right? Look at all the parts. Okay, which part needs to just be moved a little bit that's gonna bring it into alignment. Yeah, sometimes it's bigger moves, but we do small moves. Small moves are more sustainable than the big moves. My goodness. Wow, I never tell people to do the crazy things I do.

Small Moves That Beat Overwhelm

SPEAKER_02 11:26

I like the small moves. I'm I'm I'm a small move type person myself, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

I start for a while. I was calling myself a real life coach because um the changes have to fit your real life.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

I had been talking to this client, I was helping him. He wanted to set up a cafe.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

And he said, I and he had worked with a coach before, and I'm like, well, why? Like I was curious, like, why did you stop working with that coach? So she gave me this huge list of things to do, and I just gave up. I'm like, okay, right. Note you this is not how to get something done. A to-do list makes me run the other way. I used to do a um a talk called Ditch Your To-do list. Yeah. It just makes people freeze. It's like one thing, maybe I could let you have two things to do, but one thing, like it's you can only take one step at a time.

SPEAKER_03 12:20

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Those New Year's Eve resolutions. I'm gonna go to the gym every day. No, you're not. Right. Let's just figure out how to make this work for you in the way that you're living your life right now.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

Right. I love that. I love I love the fact that um you speak to that. I think uh a lot of people, or at least I can relate to uh those big to-do lists can be overwhelming. Um, some people thrive off those to-do lists. I have, you know, connected as well, and and I like to take that in and see what I can learn from it because I believe there's something to learn from it as well. And you know, speaking to you having a stroke, how you had to maybe like you said, it was the universe telling you you need to be quiet for that moment because you have more and other things to do in a game.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Well, yeah, and I do have a giant to-do list, yes, but I it took me, oh, it took me many years to figure out how to have a to-do list and not feel overwhelmed. Yes, yes, so I had to create my own way to have one and manage one, yes, but not feel like I was failing because I had stuff on my to-do list, right? Yeah, right, yes, it's different, it's very different, yeah.

Fear, Safety, And Getting Unstuck

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Some people get stuck, you know, um, when they they know they want to move to that next step. Um, they may be extremely successful, but they know that they there's there needs to be a pivot or there needs to be a change or a shift, but just sometimes there's an overwhelmingness of doing that, and people get stuck. What do you think is one of the biggest reasons for people getting stuck?

SPEAKER_00 14:04

They're afraid, anyway, right? They're scared, which I totally get. I mean, uh, when so when I because I was a CPA, right? I was a corporate executive, I had stock options, I had all the things you're supposed to have. Right. And I quit. People thought I was crazy. One of my friends took me for lunch because he needed to look me in the eye.

unknown 14:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Because he said, if I thought you were crazy, I was taking you down to the mental health facility.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Because I like that's why I tell you, don't do what I did. Like, I was just like, whoop, done, jumped. Yes, and trusted that I was gonna fall in the right place. But I was I was I was probably I probably have some strange aspects of my life where I'm fearless. Yeah, and that's one of them. But if you tell people that, they immediately go, no, no, no, no, no, and they back up. And um it's safer to stay where you are, right? Because you know what's what's expected of you here, you know what's gonna happen, you know if you do this, I do this. Like it's all laid out, it's all there. And I don't know if I've done this podcast yet, but um, one of the episodes of my current podcast is called Illuminate Your Worth. Right all about illuminating, right? Turn it on the lights. Um, there's an episode which I don't think I've recorded yet, called Happiness versus Safety. So people choose to stay safe, yes, versus move towards what they know will make them happier. Yeah, and I get it, like I totally understand it, and especially doing it alone, because I did it pretty much alone, like all of the crazy things I've done in my life. I'm like, see you later. Um I'm just my mom saying you're just this very pig-headed stubborn woman, Heather. Like, maybe I am right, but I think that for people who know that they're not happy, yeah. Right, some people will stay in that place their whole lives and get to the end and say, Well, maybe next time, you know. But I find that so sad, like that's so heartbreaking to see someone who's unhappy, and I can see what will what shift needs to happen. Yeah, I can't I can't tell them. Yeah, they gotta find it themselves. But having someone beside you to reassure you on the days that you're feeling like, oh, I'm I don't know, I don't know, this is kind of crazy, or who can kind of light up the path forward. And when I was in massage school, my anatomy teacher saw me because I was constantly, I was I was an older, like I turned 40 in massage school, right? And so a lot of the kids were there, were you know fresh out of high school. So I'm like I was shepherding, mothering all these little kids. And uh he my massage teacher one day said to me, Heather, be the lighthouse, not the lifeboat. So he's like, they gotta find their own way, but you can shine the way forward if they choose. So that's kind of it was so interesting that that stayed with me all this time, like 20 years later. I'm still like lighting, lighting. Yes, so having someone who can light up a potential for you, yeah, of something different to help you see what is potentially available to you if you can unstick yourself a little bit, even if that's why I say small, even a little unsticking. Yes, I'm doing a um in April, I'm doing this thing called the 30-day alignment lab. Okay, where yes, we just do little things like for one week we practice saying no, just practice, no pressure, we're just practicing.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

Yes, yes, no is is so important and it's not a bad word.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

Yeah, no, but we it's like from two years, two years old, like, oh my god, the terrible twos. Yes, I think that from two years forward the word no is somehow a bad thing.

Finding Joy When You Feel Lost

SPEAKER_02 18:28

That's right. What do you think for some people? Like, I love the fact that you said people know what's going to make them happy, like they know where that happy place, they could feel it like in their soul, in their spirit, their conscience. Oh, yes. Um, and they know what that is, but some people don't even know for whatever reason. I there's some blockages there, they don't even know what their happy is or where that happiness resides. What what do you think can be an opening or an opportunity for people to find that out for those who just don't know? And it could be the blockages could be for so many different reasons.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

Right. It's so funny because I had a client once who she she messaged me and she said, I need you to come. I don't care, I'll buy the wine. I'm like, Yes. And it was it was a four-hour drive for me to go to where she was. And she wanted me to stay the weekend because she's when I got there, she said, I don't, she said, I'm unhappy. And I said, Well, what makes you happy? She said, I don't know. And I'm like, What? It was the first time I'd heard someone say it. No wonder I had to stay the weekend. Now it doesn't take me that long anymore to help people on take it.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

I'd try try to find a few approaches for her. Yeah, but it's so it's interesting. Like if you I have a few things that I suggest for people. So sometimes I'll say, What did you like to do when you were little? Right? Because when we're little, we don't have the societal expectations on us, right? Of what we're supposed to do. There's this song that I love called Daydream. Yeah. And this the lines are, I don't know if you know, and it's like, don't give up on your daydream. You know, she talks about when you're kids and you're pretending to be astronauts and rock stars, they don't tell you you can't do that.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

And then you get to your, she says, you know, then you have to plan do your plan B and be get a career basically. So I say, and I just say, Well, what did you like when you were little? And that those because your life will leave you clues. That's right. So when I was little, I wanted to be an artist, yeah, and I wanted to be a veterinarian.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

So I'm and I'm actually an artist now. Like I do have a professional art practice talking about side hustles. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

But I know multiple hustles happening. Right? Multifaceted and multi-gifted. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Yeah. Um, I'm a I'm a I can't remember what they call it. It's not a solo printer, I'm a multi-printer. But so I do practice art. And for me, art just makes me happy. Like, yeah, it doesn't have to have a purpose, but there's people who want to buy my art. I'm like, okay, sure, no problem. And um, veterinarian was very early clue to my desire about wellness and well-being, and taking care of people and things like taking care of animals was my first step into this caring aspect I have of myself. And I and it has even expanded. So my mom said when I was six, I came home from school one day, and my sister's two and a half years younger than me. So she wasn't in school yet.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

And I had just learned to write my name. I'm like, I'm So I sat down to teach my sister how to write her name.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

And she said, you just every time you learn something, you want to teach it to someone.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

So I have this like built-in kind of gathering my little ducklings and teaching them how to swim thing inside of me that's seems to be unstoppable. So all of these things, and the other thing I get people to do besides talk to them about what they want to be when they're little, is ask them if they remember how to daydream. Yes. And they'll think I'm crazy. I'm like, well, okay, this is this is one of the small things I get people to do. Set your timer for five minutes, stare out the window, and don't think about anything.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

Because that gives our so our that gives our subconscious and our creative brain. So they've been talking about whether the left brain, right brain thing is actually correct, but there is a part of your brain that likes to be creative.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

And it's when you're not actively trying to solve a task or a problem that it's allowed to play. So if you just stare at the window and think of nothing, your creative brain goes, Yeah. And it'll just burble things around and don't put demands on it to come up with something immediately. But if you just do it every day for five, all I say is five minutes because people I know are busy and like just take five minutes.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

And stare at and I like I have a tree. I'm looking over here because I have a tree outside my window. I'm on the fourth floor of my building, and there's this tree that's like seven stories tall. So I can stare at this tree and contemplate the tree while my brain does other things. And it's amazing the things that will come to you, like things that you haven't thought about in years.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Now not all of them might be happy thoughts, but that's okay. It might be a thought that has to like come up, it's like bubbles, and then and then they let it go out, right?

Stop Pretending And Drop Perfection

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Yeah. That's good. Which leads me to my next question. I'm gonna pivot a little because there's I know a lot of high-functioning women, you know, who are doing it all, have everything, multipreneurs. Um, and they say they are okay, but they may not really be. And I've actually observed where they might take a hit, you know, whether that's you know, physically, mentally, emotionally, and there's like a crash.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

And but I'm look, I'm looking at them observing like they look okay, you know. And I have been one of those persons in my life as well, um, where you know, I masked it for a while, but it comes, it seeps out in some way, whether I'm not my most functional or my best, or my communication may not be the most effective, or I just feel burnt out, you know, and I know like we know our purpose, we know what we're called to, you know, and we're needed in those spaces. But I think, you know, people can, and it's part of like the hustle culture too. Like, I got it all, I got it together, you know, I'm doing this. And they might maybe the there may be this other pressure. Maybe they're the first in their families to do that, or maybe they like yourself, maybe they pivoted out of corporate and now they have a successful business, but they they're I gotta be successful here too.

SPEAKER_00 25:20

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Right, you know, and so there's a lot of things going on, and um they're saying they're okay, but they're not. Um, what does it mean to stop pretending?

SPEAKER_00 25:33

You know, we gotta get real, yes, gotta get real and messy, right? And that scares the bejesus out of people. It does because look how curated we are. Yeah, look at social media. Yes, people we have trained ourselves so well on how to outwardly appear like you are fine. Yeah, I did a podcast on Wednesday. Oh, it's March now, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 26:05

Yeah, it's it's coming the time is fine. Yeah, it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

Um I just did a podcast recently called Breaking Up with Perfection. Yeah, so perfection, we have the we have made this idea of what perfect is. It's an invention, right? And we have put this pressure on ourselves, especially as women, that we have to we have to have a clean house, we have to have perfect children, we have to have the ultimate job and the ultimate husband, and we have to be successful in everything and then snap, right? And why do we do that to ourselves? Who are we trying to prove it to? Right. Are we trying to prove it to ourselves because you're already worth uh everything just by being born? So stop trying to prove it to yourself, yeah, and the people outside of you don't matter, right? It doesn't matter if they approve of you. I always remember Dr. Seuss, those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter. That's good, yes, see, and so and perfection, this perfection that we're always working towards is a moving target, yeah. You know, when will you actually reach it? That's okay. Okay, wouldn't it be way better just to go a big old exhale and show up like um I call it Krabby pants? Some days I'm crabby, yeah. So I'll say to my husband, honey, I got my Krabby pants on today. I apologize in advance. I will try to restrain the crabbiness today. I mean, it doesn't happen as much really now that I have moved a lot of my pieces. I'll never be done moving my pieces, right? Because life keeps happening. And like you said, you know, you can have everything together. Yeah, but one little bump is gonna destabilize and everything will crash. I have this very good friend who used to be a chiropractor, and one day I went into his office and I he was saying he was such a nice man. She says, How's everything going? I told him all the stuff I was doing. He said, You got too many balls to your juggle in there, Heather. If I throw you one more, it's all coming down.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Oh my god, you're right.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

I gotta put some stuff down, right? And and being brave enough to show up and be honest about what's really happening for you, that makes you vulnerable, and that's really scary. Yeah, yeah, right. And if you've ever listened to Brene Brown, oh I love Brene. Oh my gosh, right? Like being able to be vulnerable, it doesn't mean you have to go and like outpour your all of your crap onto the table for people, but being vulnerable enough to be seen in whatever is going on for you, being able to receive support if someone feels like it's like they're called in to support you, or being able to just go, yeah, this isn't working for me today, is that takes some bravery. Yes, but once you do it and you didn't die, yes, you know, and you didn't get kicked off the island, right? People are understanding you're like that strengthens your ability to trust that it's okay. And it's funny, like it's a weird comparison, but I remember, you know, people are always afraid of to do public speaking, they'd rather, you know, die than public speak. But when you practice, and I this was a talk that I gave once when you practice speaking and you finish and you're like, Whoa, I didn't die. I'm actually feel okay. Then you can practice it again and again and again. So practice those little moments of being seen. Yes, I love that curated, doesn't mean you have to post it on your social media. That's right, yeah. Talk to real people, right? Connect with people. I've just joined this networking group where we meet in real life, yes, it's so nice, and it's it's all women, yeah. So we're we know what's going on, right? It's going on for you, it's going on for them too, and or it has gone there in the past. So you're like, Yeah, I know, let's talk about it, right? Right. So it's so good.

SPEAKER_02 30:31

I love that, and and too, it's just a confirmation of how important personal connection, live human connection is, it's still very, very for women.

Women, Community, And Real Connection

SPEAKER_00 30:40

I for women, like all humans need social and that in-person connection, yes. But if you look at the way that women operate in the world, yeah, I just wrote a chapter on this. So um I'm in this book collaboration called The Values of Women.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

And I just wrote a chapter on community and how for women, when we are in the when we try to fit into the the male version of life, which is a dominant male, and then you know, figuring out how to climb up, we don't we don't operate well that way. We operate really well collaborating together and supporting each other, and that's how we've always worked. Yeah, and it's fitting into this different mold that's really messing with us, yes. And if we can go back to joining together, yes, in a little, you know, I don't I never liked the whole kumbaya thing, but it's like just join together, have a conversation, have a coffee. I'd like circles of women are very powerful, very much, and that's how we operate the best, yes, that's how we operate the best.

SPEAKER_02 31:55

Yeah, and I have a comment on that, and then I know we're closing down to the last couple of minutes as went by so quick. Yeah, right. Um, I I you know, I I I think the power of collaboration and partnership, and I think how we our naturally how we function as women is really in that space and how we naturally biologically are as well, and a lot gets done in collaboration and partnership. I think it's critical at such a time as this because the way things are kind of moving, it's just so needed. Um, and and for us to move in partnership and collaboration. Yes, yes. And I and I you made note of sometimes when women want to take on the characteristics how men move, that's okay. They're men and they they serve a purpose and they're there. I have a husband, I have boys, I have some husband, he's amazing. Yeah, I love my husband and my kids, you know, like so it's no knock on that.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

We need it all, yes, and we don't need to be it all.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

That's right. And I think when women move in into that space and and really move it can it can get really it can get a little scary and toxic because we're not even moving into we're not really functioning how we're naturally supposed to function. And so I love it.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

Think about your experience, could have been mean girls in high school, right? Yeah, like I wasn't into the whole yeah, I didn't like being in groups of women for a long time because I'm like mean girls. Same here, same here.

Balance Is A Myth, Try Harmony

SPEAKER_02 33:25

I was just like, no, I'm I I'm good with one, and um and I love being a woman, and you you know, you evolve and grow and you learn and and and from that whole experience, but yeah, mean girls can transition out of school into other spaces as well, and so I think the more we're vulnerable and brave and who we naturally are, we can bring those silos down. So I love definitely said that. Um, my next question is as we wrap this up, how do when people hit a bump, um, anything, a child who who gets sick or has behaviors, or even a spouse or even ourselves, that bump will throw us off, and that balance is not there. And then we're constantly evolving and growing. Do we really is that balance a real thing, or is it more sustainability? Like, how could you speak to that?

SPEAKER_00 34:17

Yeah, yeah, there's no such thing as balance, sorry. And I read pretty much every self-help book in the self-help aisle, and it came to me one day, it might have been when I was doing yoga, so balance, like we balance is like this spot, it's one spot where you can hold it all together. And if somebody nudges you, it's gone, right? Right. So instead, I started using the word harmony, yeah. So harmony is how your body works. So if you get too hot, your body has ways to shift things around. If you get hungry, like so your body is always moving towards harmony, harmonizing, knowing that everything's gonna keep changing, and we know life keeps changing, so balance is that it's that perfection spot, it's like that perfection spot, but then the perfection spot moves. So instead of balancing, trying to find this perfect balance of everything, can you find a way to harmonize with life that's happening? So something happened. I got a message yesterday. This is an example, and my balanced self went, Oh my god, oh my god, everything's gonna fall apart. Right. And then I went, Hold on a second, Heather, everything's fine. Yeah, the reason this is happening, you just don't know what it is yet. That's right. And maybe there's something else that's gonna come out of this. So is it the world ending? No, it's not okay. So what can we do right now? And my choice right then was just gonna sit back and breathe. Right, let us sit on the shelf for till tomorrow. Yes, because no one's gonna die.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

And the way I woke up and I went, Oh, that's a good idea. Okay, you know, so I just gave it some space. So when stuff when you when you're holding so tightly, it is gonna throw you off. So instead, can you let go of the holding and just learn to kind of like shift and navigate with it? It's like standing on a wobble board. Yeah, it keeps wobbling. Yeah, there is actually no standing still spot on a wobble board. You keep shifting, you keep shifting, you keep shifting. It's like when you're driving a car, you don't just point in the direction you want and hold on to the steering wheel. Yeah, you have to keep that subtle adjustment all the time, right? Yes, it sounds I feel like it sounds too easy, but um, it just takes a little bit of practice to not be so rigid against what's happening, yeah, be more soft. Yes, and maybe that's why women are good at navigating things. We're just like we're good, we're better at navigating life generally, but right no, I love the fact that you said that like sometimes it seems too easy, and but you said with practice we can get better, and the way you describe it, I feel are we people sometimes people ask me what am I doing if things kind of get chaotic?

SPEAKER_02 37:21

And I'm like, I'm just riding the wave, I'm just riding the wave, I'm floating right now.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

And you heard like the first thing that popped into my head was the old messaging, right? The first thing, but you don't have to follow that one. Like, we've got free, we've got our caught, we got our big brains here. It came in and went, Oh my god. And then I went, Okay, it's okay, honey. You know, that's right. Grab say, come on, sit down, let's have a little breath. What would you do with a little kid who was having a little freak out? Come on, sit down, let's have a little glass of water.

Pivots In Midlife And Curiosity

SPEAKER_02 37:52

That's right. Well, last question, and then I'll give you an opportunity to uh provide your web link that I'll provide in a narrative of the podcast. I love when you referenced you went back, you know, you went to massage school and you were 40. I can identify with that because I went back to school to get uh my master's degree when I was in my 40s, and I was the bonus person in there, and um, I have a lot of lived experience. Um, how do you feel about the time, especially for women out there that are pivoting or they're they're into a new chapter? Um, and you question yourselves a lot. You know, I was in class, like, oh, I'm too old. Why am I doing this now? Do I need it? All these questions. Um, and I was just really going just because it was a desire, I'm a lifelong learner. Um, I was really that was my primary reason. It wasn't that they get the best job or anything like that. It was just like something in me wanted to learn more. Um, but there's some women that second guess themselves, they think they're too old, I don't need to do this. And and and or I, you know, let me just go back to what's comfortable. Do you feel like that time you had and the things that you learned and being in corporate and your shift in your pivot and people question, you know, your sanity at the time, you know. For women that are in that spot, uh, what do you feel like uh they could really learn or be okay with the shift and the pivot no matter what chapter of life they're in?

SPEAKER_00 39:09

Yeah, not every shift or pivot you do has to be for producing something, yes, right? Um maybe like because I do know people who love being a corporate. I'm like, yeah, you go, have a life outside of it, right? If you know that you want to do something different, yes, don't put that pressure of it has to be a certain way, yeah, or give it some kind of reason besides I want to.

SPEAKER_03 39:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 39:40

I mean, you want to do your master's because you wanted to, yay, do it. Like, why does it have to be yeah, why does it have to have that pressure of produce something? Like that's why I say my art, I paint because I like to, and people like to buy it. I don't, I'm not painting going, Oh, I hope this is good enough that someone can buy well, want to buy it because that that changes the energy behind any decision you make. Yeah, so if you decide that you want to go and do something different, and you say, Well, I'm doing this because I have to make I hate the ten thousand dollar a month coaches because you have to go out and make ten thousand dollars a month. I'm like, No, I don't, I can just do it because I want to put on your two-year-old self. I'm doing it because I want to.

SPEAKER_02 40:29

That's I like that, and that's okay, and we don't have to produce anything for you know, we don't there's nothing to prove, you know. We're we showed up, we're live, we're worthy.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

And I really recommend you read a book called Big Magic.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

Really? Big Magic.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Okay now it's the same lady who wrote Eat Pray Love, which I never read, yeah, surprisingly, because that was actually the story of my life, right? But um, Big Magic, she's she talks about writing and she talks about being creative, yeah and doing things because you're curious, right? And don't put an expectation on it, just follow it to see where it goes. Yeah, because it's leading you in a your curiosity is leading you in a direction that you can't possibly have the imagin big enough imagination to see where it's gonna take you. That's I never would have said that I was this was where I was gonna end up at 59. In a million years, I never would have said that. Right. So stay curious, that's all you gotta do.

How To Find Heather

SPEAKER_02 41:28

Stay curious and see where it leads you. That is so good, Heather. If my listeners want to get in touch with you for your services or to your podcasts and other things that you have to offer, what is your web link or where can they find that at?

SPEAKER_00 41:42

I am at Heatherstewart.coach, and it's all there. You can go find the podcast, you can find all the all the alls.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

Awesome. Heather, this has been a wonderful time. It went so fast, it was so engaging. I love the the the little nuggets of information and just you know things that we could take away from this conversation in the podcast and just go and be curious. We don't have to produce. It's okay to be a woman, it's okay to connect. Not everyone are mean girls. There's just so many things I got from this. Go back to your childhood. What brought you? Where was your happy? Where was your joy? If you can't find it, yes, Heather, thank you. It it has been so wonderful meeting with you this morning. Thank you, Nicole. Thank you.