From Burnout To Belief After Chronic Illness

Your life can look “fine” on the outside while your body quietly waves red flags and then one day, it can’t hold the line anymore. I’m joined by Heidi Blackie, an occupational therapist, speaker, and creator of Unshakable Me, to share the real story behind her chronic illness, the grief that intensified everything, and the moment she stopped hunting for the perfect external fix and finally turned inward. What followed wasn’t a quick breakthrough. It was a vow to believe in herself and a slow rebuild of self-trust.

We talk about the pressure to perform, the way our identity gets tangled up in labels like career and productivity, and how stress and loss can flood the nervous system until you feel stuck in survival mode. Heidi explains how journaling helped her uncover the beliefs beneath the fear, why meditation felt impossible at first, and how movement had to be redefined from athletic training to gentle, realistic steps. If you’ve been living from the neck up, disconnected from your body, this conversation offers a grounded way back.

A big focus is acceptance, not as giving up, but as seeing reality clearly so you can move through it without adding a second layer of self-judgment. We also get practical: tiny rituals, celebrating small wins, and doing one kind thing for yourself each day, even if it’s just a breath with your hand on your heart. If this resonates, subscribe, share this with someone who needs hope, and if you are led, leave a review.

More on Heidi Blackie at https://www.unshakableme.com/

Thank you for listening!

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Good day, everyone. This is Nicole Ellis McGregor, the founder of the Overcomers Approach podcast, where I meet with different people from different walks of life, different experiences, and different journeys. But the overarching theme is that we have the ability to overcome no matter what we've experienced in life. And so I am grateful to have Heidi Blackie here. She's a speaker, consultant, and creator of the Unshakable Me, a science meets soul program helping women dismantle beliefs and reclaim their inner voice, their inner power. After a chronic illness brought her to rock bottom, she made a radical choice to believe in her body's ability to heal, a turning point to reshape her life inside and out. With 25 years as an occupational therapist and hard won and hard lived experience, she now guides others to meet adversity with clarity, connection, and self-trust. Her story is an invitation for anyone facing personal challenges, offering grounded hope, actionable tools, and a proper reminder that we are far more capable than what we think. Welcome, Heidi. I'm so happy to have you here on my podcast. And I know that was an amazing introduction. But how did you end up in exactly where you are today? I know you have experience in your life, but you hit a chronic illness at some point that I think may have changed how things were going. Uh, wherever you want to start, please share more of that story with us.

Life Before Illness And Overdrive

Loss Grief And Health Collapse

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Well, thank you so much for having me, Nicole. It really is a privilege to be able to share my story and to meet with you. I think the way I want to give you some context is how I was living before I got sick. And I was going a million miles an hour. I was working several jobs, I was a competitive athlete, I was active with my friends, I was traveling, I just bought a house. I had a bunch of house projects that I was taking on. And I just kind of treated myself like I had endless amounts of energy and capacity. And I thought I was kind of in the groove, you know, really living. And that partly was informed by my mom having bone having cancer and needing a bone marrow transplant. And it was that experience that kind of planted the seed to squeeze the marrow out of every day. And because you don't know what your life is going to be like, what twists and turns. And I ran with that for about 10 years. And then my body started falling apart. I started having chronic injuries from my training and racing. And I would patch myself up and keep on going. I'd get acupuncture and therapy and supplements. And gradually that turned into illnesses that would be a week to two weeks. And then I would be okay for a little bit and then it would come back. And that went on that that all started in 2011. And that kind of I I pared down. I quit some of my jobs uh in 2014. I stopped racing my bike and riding my bike. And I was sort of functional, but I always had limits. I always had limits about around my my energy, what I could do. I started staying closer to home, not really traveling very much. And then in 2016, I had a series of huge losses. I lost my dog of 10 years that was one of those just soulmate of a dog. I think I just heard your dog.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

And you just heard my dog. I'm so sorry, but go ahead.

The Kitchen Reckoning And New Vow

SPEAKER_00 3:57

No, I'm like, she's a dog person. I love it. Right. And I and then a couple months later, I lost my sister to suicide. And then my wedding was six weeks after that. And and then a year later, I lost my mom to cancer, and I spent the last three months living with my parents in California. And I had more things happen after that. But basically, I had my body was doing all it could to tamp down what was going on, these infections, these bugs. And the stress of those losses was just like a five-alarm fire that ignited everything. I had inflammation in every system of my body. And I got to a point where I couldn't work at all. I was in bed pretty much most of the time. And now we're at 2020, 2021. And and I'm I have no doctor, I have no diagnosis, I have no treatment plan, I have nothing looking forward. I had genetic testing, I'm very high risk for cancer. And I was terrified of this trajectory, which was I I was getting worse. And I would try a doctor and they would do a treatment, and then I would get way worse, and then I'd try another doctor, and they would do their treatment, and I'd get way worse. And and I just remember being in my kitchen one morning in a January Seattle dark, rainy morning, and just sitting there with myself feeling this sense of despair and aloneness that I had never felt. And I said, I'm it. What am I believing? I had the lens outside myself this whole time, trying to find, and I tried tons of other things, things I'd taught patients, you know, for nervous system and somatics and brain retraining and all of those things, which are helpful, but you have to you have to go inward. And that was the first time that I turned the question inward to ask myself what I'm believing about my ability to heal. And I actually through this morning that I was sitting there came to the conclusion that I didn't believe that I would heal and that I would get cancer and that I would not live very long and it would I would continue to go downhill. And I thought, oh my God, it doesn't matter who I find for a doctor. And I also thought I wouldn't find a doctor. Um, but if I'm not believing I can heal, it doesn't matter what I do, I'm not gonna heal. So that was a that was kind of a reckoning, and then it was a turning point. I had a journal, I'd never been in a journaler before, and I just thought, all right, right now, right here, I am going to make a vow to believe in myself. And I have no idea what that looks like because I've never really believed in myself my whole life. There are a couple little situations, instances where I did and I took that leap, but for the most part, I was more of a I have to prove it to myself and to other people that I'm enough and that I can do hard things, even though I was doing a lot of hard things. Such a funny psychology we have. But but that was really the the turning point that started me on this journey to who I am today, which is a completely different person than I was before all of this happened to me, or I went through this experience. I was part of it, it wasn't all happening to me, it was it was the way I was interpreting it.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Yes. I love the fact that you said that you had to go inward, you know, there's some inside to be done. And I believe that, you know, that book, The Body Keeps Score, you know, as you keep going and racing, moving and managing, navigating life, you know, and all those responsibilities that come with it, your it your body begins to be impacted with it sounds like yours was. And then the fact that you kind of got in your head in a minute and and was like, I'm probably not gonna be here, you know. Yeah. And I can understand how that may feel and how that may resonate. I've I've had those moments in my life as well. Um, and I understand how um the hopelessness that you may feel, you know, like just not being able to get to the right person or having the right answer, and then just continuing to get worse and worse and worse and worse. And and how you had to do some of that inside work and journaling and and and and making that pivot to to to the change. So as you reflected on the internal work, and my apologies, my dog is gonna be part of the podcast. This all right, the pool guy is outside and he just gets riled up um when he sees the pool guy, and he's out, he must be taking a little longer than normal, but his name is here. So he'll be he's gonna be my guest, partial speaker. So welcome to this here, everybody.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

But uh he's on the job, he's doing he's working right now. He's like you're working, I'm working.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

Right, I'm protecting the family. So we have three dogs, my husband's walking one of them, and our chihuahua's quiet right now. I'm not sure why she is, but I'm happy at least she's quiet. Yeah, but she she's usually the loudest as well. But I want to kind of talk about how did the pivot to like journaling and making this change, and then your mindset seems like something clicked. What after that point? Like, what what what did you shift and what where where did you start making those incremental changes, or what did that look like?

What Acceptance Really Means

SPEAKER_00 10:25

It's interesting because I look back now and I and I had no idea what kind of what I was doing. I'm a huge nerd, I love research. So I started reading The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton. I read a lot of Tara Brock's books on acceptance, and I also started doing meditation and started with her. She was the one who she had Wednesday live meditation and reflections, and she still does. And I started doing those, and I would go to her site and and just listen to some of the meditations, and I'd never been able to meditate before because I was always doing, doing, doing, and and and I also had this kind of if you sit, you're lazy in upbringing kind of a thing. So I started to meditate, and movement was another thing that was a big piece, and it was in a very different way than I had ever moved before because it was more and and it was hard, it was really hard to look at the the walks that I was doing that was a huge deal, and it was something that I never thought about before. I would do it after a three-hour, you know, but brisk bike ride. I'd go for a walk with my dog for an hour and a half, and this was maybe around a block or a couple blocks. It was very little, but it was really hard. And it was these little things, along with the research of and journaling pages and pages and pages. So it was more just setting up these rituals, these small rituals that I did every day, without looking at a bigger picture and being consistent with those and showing up for myself. And one of the biggest pieces, if not the biggest piece, which was acceptance. And I had held my illnesses at arm's length for years because I had patients who had lost everything to the same things that I have and that I feared that I had, and I thought, no, that's not me. And I was in this denial that I'm not I'm not losing that much. And then I'd look at what I couldn't do, or what I could do, which wasn't very much, and I'd say, Who are you kidding? The reality is you are bedbound, homebound. You can't drive, you can't, you're leaving the stove on, you can't think, your words salad when you do talk. And so it was this acceptance of okay, this is what's here now, and really understanding the impermanence of every moment. Yes, and learning to accept all the layers, really peeling back the layers around my illnesses and the stories, as well as my whole life, after I kind of flushed out the story narratives and the beliefs that underlied those stories. Yes, and and giving myself acceptance for all the times that I rejected myself or I didn't feel enough through my life. And that I think acceptance is a really confusing concept for people. I think people don't understand the gravity of it, the importance of it, and and the incredible benefits that come for every part of your life when you accept yourself. And it's years later, looking back, that this person, this unshakable me inside me emerged. Yeah. That I then think, oh, okay, this is what was happening all along, that I was building this foundation, but it wasn't, it was never a destination. Yes, it was just kind of a byproduct of just the small, consistent steps every day.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Yeah. And I love the fact that you talked about acceptance and do we really know what that is? And so how I can relate to that is um in my own life. There's two pieces of my life that I think acceptance, one for me was just kind of in my life. I for whatever reason, and this could be childhood stuff, this could be a whole book for another podcast, but really coming to accept who I was and how my presence was valued and how I was um how I was perceived. And so I think I think for me, um, my grandparents raised me. So my bioparents didn't raise me, but I always felt uh either a sense of abandonment, um, even though I had two loving grandparents where my parents loved me, but I kind of manifested that into relationships until I became into an awareness of what I needed to shift and what I needed to do when it came to abandonment and issues that surrounded that. And uh once I truly began to accept my story and my lived experience, even my parents not being ready and my grandparents taking on the beautiful task of loving me and raising me until they transitioned, um, there was some shame to that. But once I accepted that and released the shame, I was able to show up in a totally different way. And so I love the fact that you said acceptance. And then two, my husband recently had a stroke. And my husband's a very accomplished man in the field that he's in, done it for 35 years, was talking about, you know, uh retiring like in five years, but just really loving what the space he was in. And, you know, being a multitasker, being busy, managing everything, kind of being that rack for the family. Um, that came to a screeching halt with the with the stroke. And so, and life as we know it has changed. And yeah, yeah, he had to accept it. And I think I also had to accept uh what my role was. Uh yeah, as caregiver wife, you know, those are those those are two roles, you know, that I that I am. Um, but then uh there are space times I don't, you know, I have to be an advocate as well. But I think I I had a discomfort, like it put me in more like a leadership position in our marriage in some aspects, which made me a bit uncomfortable. But I'm embracing that now and I'm accepting it. And I think he's accepting the new person that he's becoming as well. And those are tough spaces to be in. It's it's it could be uncomfortable. And so tell me a little bit more, like you said, how what is fully acceptance? Because I don't, like you said, I don't think people really know, and I'm figuring that out myself as well. But tell me more, how do you think people can really come into the fullness of that or understand it more?

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Yeah, I think that you you brought up a good point in terms of the acceptance of a situation. This happened.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

And so often we have this ideal that we want our lives to look like. Yes. And it's hard to let that go. Yes. Especially when something just very abrupt happens, like to your husband, where you're not prepared, right? And you're kind of trying to get your footing. Yes, and and and you add emotion. Oh, let's sprinkle some emotion into that, makes it even more difficult for you to find your way.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

Yes.

Identity Labels And Becoming Yourself

SPEAKER_00 18:37

And so I think there's there's in my mind, there's two aspects of it where it's the situation, and it's this is a situation, this is what's real right now, and this is what we have to go on, and we can decide how we want to make meaning out of it, and that can change and evolve as you grow, and as things change, everything's always changing. I agree. Yes, we are the world, is every day that goes by, there will never be a moment right now like this. Yeah, there will be another moment, it'll be different, it'll be new. So it's that acceptance of this is what's this is what I'm looking at. I I'm not I don't have a career right now, I don't have this, I don't have that. It's up to me to decide do I want to look at all the things that I don't have, yeah, or do I want to focus on the things that I do? And it doesn't mean the spiritual bypass of everything's fine, it's there's room for all of it, and that's that's a huge piece that was missing for so long for me was that the the negative was was screaming so loud I couldn't see the positive that was there. But when you accept the whole of the experience, the good, the bad, the neutral, or however you want to assign meaning to it, it enables you to hold it all of it and move through it. When we resist what's happening, it makes it magnifies it, and it magnifies it in our nervous system, and that's what the research shows. Yes, the second part of acceptance is me, yeah, and that piece is I think harder because of all the the download of this is how you need to be for society, for family, for community, for friends, for employers. We learn our whole lives how to be for other people, how to grow up in the world, yes, and so the tiny voices inside us that may run counter to those expected you know norms that we're supposed to conform to get shoved down, yes, and we learn how to perform and how to be enough for other people. We never learn how to be ourselves, that's right, how to embrace ourselves, yes. And I I had that story of not enough from when I was a child, and I I had I knew that was a story that was there, it was a very dominant one throughout my life, and I did things to try and prove myself, but ultimately it has to be this acceptance inside, and the body does keep the score, yeah, and mine was taking notes, yes, so it's It's this acceptance that okay, there's a part of me that feels shame about this. There's a part of me that I I've never felt enough. And I'm the one who has to give myself that love and that enoughness.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

And these parts that I don't like, the procrastinator, the child, the you know, we could talk archetypes and a whole nother thing. Yes. And and to say, here's everything that's here. I focused so much on like a single grain on a beach. And I am the whole beach.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

But we seem to focus on the least common denominator as the whole of who we are. Yes. And identify with that or try to cover it up. Yes. And when I was stripped of the labels because I lost my career and so many other parts of my independence, I really had to look at who's here. That's right. And give love to who's here and go back to that five-year-old and give her love.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

It's not a permission slip that says if I'm mean to other people, that's just who I am. And I accept that. I think there's a you know, letting yourself off the hook kind of narrative around acceptance. And it's to accept that we're human, that we're gonna make mistakes. Yes, and knowing it's not okay to be mean to that person. I accept the struggles that I'm feeling inside.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

And I know better. I know how to be better to other people. And so it's this, it's this giving yourself compassion and also saying you also know what's right and how to treat people right and and to follow through on that. There's a there's a Buddhist saying that there's a there are two arrows, and the first arrow is the thing that that initial incident or feeling, I feel shame. The second arrow is the judgment you have on that first arrow. Yeah, so it's assigning that judgment of why do I feel shame? That's terrible, I shouldn't feel that, or or I'm I'm a loser, or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

So it's it's stopping yourself from that second arrow, looking at what's here, accepting that you're human. That's right, yes, and also that you are, you know, to to be compassionate to others as well. So I think it's very it's confusing and can be muddy, but it's it's I think it's what's missing in our world, Nicole, is that we're living from the neck up. We are so disconnected from ourselves and we're playing our crap out on other people.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

I think that's what it what it if we connect to the all the parts of us, the the really vulnerable parts, and give that love and care and compassion, it's so much there's no way you can be anything but that, yes, the outer world.

Myths About Reinventing Yourself

SPEAKER_01 25:38

That's right. Well, that you gave so much good information. And and I think you know, what I kept hearing, you know, in my head as you were talking is was our identity is so tied up with labels, titles, how we we appear to the world, you know, if something shakes us up where we lose our our you know, our our career, whatever that may look like, it can really shake who we are. And then we question who who am I and do we really know who we are? Yeah. And I like the fact that being able to um really take a moment and slow down, you know, as you were talking, just sometimes we just have to slow down, yeah, and listen and be in the present to really get in touch with who we are. And like you said, we're not just the the grain of sand on the beach, we are the beach, you know, or or however you worded that that is powerful. That um that is something that's so impactful. Um, I I think to me and and and to and to the listeners, and that just shows our greatness, and and as you talk about unshakeable me, you know, what that really encompasses. And I think uh you your your journey back to that um is so key. And I know um it's our conversation is so good, and I know we're closing in, and I want to get a few more things in. When people come to that point, you know, where they're making that transition, what do you think the biggest misconception are when people are starting to, you know, find out who they are or personal growth or reinvent their selves? What are some myths or misconceptions that they may have to go against or or or reset their mind to just not hear it? Or what what do you feel like works? And I know you touched on meditation, I think that's key and extremely important as well. Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

I think thinking they have to become a different person, yeah, and that it's that's magnanimous. I mean it's huge, yes, and it's it's really peeling back the layers to find who you are, it's already there, you're already there, that's right. It's just kind of okay, let's let's start to peel back some of the layers that have accumulated over your life to protect yourself, to support yourself, to survive. Yes, and it's not it's not inventing this new person, you do become someone different, yes, but that's you, you become yourself, yes, and there's something that's so it's such a treasure, yes, when you're when you know yourself and when you're living from that part of you, yes, and and it's almost like this little secret with myself. It's funny because so few people are living from this, and I look around and I feel so different, yes, and I love it because I feel like I've got the keys to the castle and I want everybody to have the keys. Here you go. You got here are the keys.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

I think it's this it's this I've gotta become this, yes, and and it's all about awareness and tiny, tiny steps and consistent and celebrating the wins. That's right, celebrating every win. Like yesterday, I've had on my list of things to do is what giving my dog a bath. I've had that on the list for a couple months, and yesterday I finally did it, right? Up there washing her, and I and I was like, Good job, Heidi. You took her, you're finally washing your dog. So it's that it's like, yeah, all right, you didn't want to do this today, yeah. Is too small.

Building The Unshakable Me Program

SPEAKER_01 29:41

That's right. Let's celebrate those small wins and and and give ourselves grace, you know, through the process. And I and when you talk about um uh when you talk about uh when people reinvent or heal whatever and this, and I like the fact that you said you're really already there, you're you're in there, you're evolving. And so, and I think some people have fear of speaking to myself, because I think I'm in this journey myself. I just had a fear of I knew who Nicole genuinely was, but sometimes I would just hold back for whatever reason and act of my experiences that and I that secured that holding back. And and so I no longer could take ownership because now I was being my own prison for myself versus anybody imprisoning me or titling me or any of that. So once you start walking through that, it's so freeing and liberating to know that this is genuinely authentically who you are. And like you said, you have the keys to the castle and helping everybody get their their keys and so they can live there to their fullest potential. Well, I want to wrap down, I got two last questions. One is um as you rediscover, people rediscover themselves, and as you rediscovered yourself through your unshakable me, your program, what did this process look like as you started to develop this program? Like uh did you just kind of leapfrog into it? Did it just happen, or did how did that go? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

I never set out to create anything, and what's funny is that I was I was gaining momentum in in terms of this this inner life force power in me that is just been this amazing way to live. And I want this for everybody because it it has changed everything about my life, and and I and I just want to shout it from the mountaintops. But I didn't know what that would look like. And I was out at the park, this park that I go to all the time and and run, and it just it came to me, unshakeable me, build a program, and it's based on really the seven main pillars that supported me the most in my healing journey and transformation ultimately. So I took all the things and then just distilled it down to the things that were most instrumental as well as supported by research too.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

Awesome. I love it. I love the fact that you took those experiences and made it into something impactful and something that can empower others. Uh, my last question is as people walk this journey and they may want to reach out to you, but they feel like, and and you and I work in human services, it can happen at any age. Some people I meet youth that are 20 and they think that it's over, or for whatever reason, or I meet someone that's 60 and like I'm too old, like I don't want to put in the energy. What could you say to give them hope to know that um really peeling away the layers to be who they are and to live in their purpose and getting connected, not living from the head up, but living holistically well. What what do you think are maybe three words you could say that that you think could give them hope or any it doesn't even have to be three, but anything that you think could give give them hope. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

I think the smallest, most tangible step would be doing something kind for yourself every day. Yeah, because you can when you build that and not look at it like oh, I've got to peel back all these layers. It's not easy. I mean, it is it is time, it is work, it is emotional, but it is the most rewarding thing that I think you you could do for yourself, yes, and not to look at it like this daunting thing, but you've got to be at a place where you're ready. I wasn't ready for years. I had a little voice that said, You have the power inside of you to heal that started in 2011, and I didn't listen to it, and I let doubt overrule. So I think awareness, awareness just of what you're believing about yourself, and curiosity of where does that come from? And is it really true? Right, real, but is it true? And do something kind for yourself. It could be just a breath with your hand on your heart. Yes, this is hard, this is so hard. I feel like I I don't even know where to start. A hand on your heart, and just breathing and acknowledging this is really hard right now, yeah. And and I want to I want things to be different, yes, and maybe you take one teeny teeny teeny step, yes, every day, but that could be getting up and making your bed, right? That's it, yeah. So it's it's looking at it just tiniest, you know, the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

I love your advice, and that's for any listener out there for any age, and that is something kind for yourself because you deserve it, an awareness of you know what the situation is, and is it really true? Because sometimes our brains don't tell us it tricks us sometimes, sometimes it's no close enough, yeah. Um, and tiny steps, whatever that is. I like the fact that it may just be making your bed, you know, it may be walking the dog. These are impactful wins that lead up to even more wins. So uh Heidi, I thank you for the information you gave today. If people want to find out more about your program, Unshakable Me, uh any more about you or connect with any podcasts, other podcasts that you've been on, what is your website?

SPEAKER_00 36:07

My website is unshakableme.com. And then I've also got Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and LinkedIn. So the all the links are on the website as well as uh ways to contact me.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

Thank you, Heidi. I'll make sure that it's in the description of my podcast when I complete editing it and everything. So our listeners will have a way to get in touch with you. I think we gave so much impactful, important information that only not only impacted me, but I know my listeners. And if you want to inquire more, please connect with our website. Heidi, it has been a pleasure meeting with you today. I honor this experience and I appreciate the time you gave today to the podcast of Overcomer's Approach. You have shown us that you can overcome. And it may have to start with a breath, it may have to step with one small win, but that leads to even more rewards and overcoming. Thank you, Heidi.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

Thanks so much for having me, Nicole.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

Thank you.