Loving Yourself First Is How Real Weight Loss Starts

A single moment can rewrite your identity, and sometimes it starts with a secret you never asked to carry. Nichol Ellis-McGregor sits down with intuitive healer and transformational speaker Tara Wiskow, whose story runs from childhood abandonment wounds and people pleasing to emotional eating, major weight gain, and a relentless drive to feel safe in relationships. Tara shares how those early beliefs quietly shape the body, the choices we make, and the roles women feel forced to play.

We talk about grief and spiritual connection after Tara lost her sister Trisha to cancer, including the “penny signs” that helped her feel guided and supported. That loss sparked a bigger awakening: Tara had transformed the outside by losing 220 pounds naturally, but her inner world still needed deep healing. Together, we unpack women’s empowerment, confidence, and why so many of us dim our light to avoid judgment, plus how listening to your body can cut through the noise faster than overthinking ever will.

The conversation gets practical with Tara’s identity shift roadmap, rooted in NLP, energetic clearing, and embodiment: unravel old personas, upgrade your self-concept, then up level until the new version of you feels natural. We also go into generational trauma and womb imprints, what happens when you outgrow your environment, and the boundary that changes everything: “I’m not asking you to do what I’ve done, but I am expecting you to respect what I’ve done.” If you’re navigating weight loss, grief, self-care, reinvention, or that quiet question of who am I really, this one will meet you where you are and call you forward.

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More on Tara Wiskow at https://tara-wiskow.com/

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Transcript

Welcome And Tara’s Story Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, everyone. This is Nicole Ellis McGregor, the founder of the Overcomer's Approach podcast, where I meet with different people from different walks of life, different experiences, and different journeys. But the overarching theme is that we could have the ability to almost overcome anything we're presented with in life, dependent upon how we face it. I love the fact that I have Tara Wisco here with me today. She's an intuitive healer and transformational speaker. She helps women break free from internal blocks, energetic clutter, and outdated identities so that they can create the body and the life that they desire. After losing 220 pounds naturally and healing deep emotions, I'm trying to lose the 20. So I'm looking forward to hearing this story. I've been working on this for the last 10 years, but oh well. But we're gonna, I'm looking forward to the conversations. She guides others into transformational shifts using modalities like the NLP, EIT, and intuitive coaching. She specializes in helping women reclaim their power, release beliefs that no longer serve them, and embody their truest selves through aligned action and deep energetic clearing, releasing, and healing. Also, they can step into their authenticity and return home to themselves. Welcome to the Overcomer's Approach podcast today. I am so inspired by your story. Um, it is very empowering. It's something that I can relate to, and I'm sure many of my listeners can relate to as well. And I don't know where you want to start in your story. I have a number of questions, but we could just authentically let it flow. And I know you're you have a powerful, powerful story. But start and tell me kind of how did you get here?

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here with you and with your listeners. It's truly my honor.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

So I started

The Childhood Secret That Shaped Her

SPEAKER_01 1:56

here. What I think it's so important to go back to when I was eight years old. And on my birthday, the moment I found out that my dad was not my dad, and it was an accident. It was an eight, eight-year-long secret that'd been kept from me. And the moment of discovering it, the days that followed of finding out that my dad junior wasn't mine. And still to this day, I have to say, I am so blessed with a dad who's my stepdad, but he will forever be my dad. He's raised me and he's loved me. Nobody would know unless you look at us that he's not my dad. Wow. But in that moment at eight years old, finding out on accident that he wasn't mine.

unknown 2:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

As months followed, I started Nicole to see all these differences in me. They all, my mom, my dad junior, my two sisters had blonde hair and blue eyes. Well, if you can't see me, I got brown hair and brown eyes, right? And so those differences started to show up in how we looked, but I started to pinpoint them because I could not get past the knowing that my biological dad had said, I don't want anything to do with her. I don't, she's not mine, right? So I felt this true inner knowing in my eight-year-old mind that if I wasn't like everybody else in the house, if I wasn't perfect, if I wasn't the good girl, if I didn't shape shift myself into being who they liked and loved and accepted, there they were going to cast me aside as well. They were going to abandon me. So at eight, I started to shift myself into being whoever I needed to be in order to feel safe and secure that my relationships were safe. And it continued to move into my high school years. It it shifted all the way through and continued to grow and develop even stronger, embedded, embedded behaviors and beliefs within me as years passed. And eventually what happened is food became my best friend.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

Food never disappoints us.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

No, it's not.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

It doesn't abandon us, it never abandons us. And I always knew how it was gonna smell, how it was gonna taste. I always knew where I could find it, and I always knew that it was going to tap into those emotions and numb those emotions that were really deeply and loudly being known. And so food became my best friend, and that led to me gaining a lot of weight and getting to the point of 338 pounds and morbidly obese.

unknown 4:34

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

I, you know, I love the story of, and I could totally identify with, you know, talking about your father, your stepfather, and that sense of just not belonging and that connection and kind of shape shifting and people pleasing to please everybody and kind of losing myself in the midst of all that and my identity. Um, and I love the fact that you know, you're so transparent and so authentic about it, and how you know our relationship with food can be very impactful. And this is a whole nother subject. Just what's in our food now is could be very addictive and kind of poisonous some sometimes. And so I think it's so empowering that you took your story and and you you shifted it to something very great and very empowering. I also know that uh as I read your bio, you talked about your sister.

Grief Signs And The Penny Messages

SPEAKER_00 5:26

There was a shift when you lost your sister to cancer. How did that awakening happen?

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Yeah, so Trisha was diagnosed and in Christmas of 2022 and June of 2023, very short stint, which I'm so grateful for that it was a short experience for her. She was gone. We as a family had to make that decision to let her go. And when she left us that very day as I walked out of the hospital, I found a penny on the ground. And when I picked up pennies, I always said, Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm a money magnet because I read that in a book. And so I did it. And this time when I picked it up, I didn't want to say that. I heard in my head, in my own voice, look at the date. And I looked at the date, and the date was 1984. That was the year that Trisha was born. And so I thought it was really ironic that I would find a penny shortly, I mean, less than an hour after she had passed, that had her date of birth on it or her year of birth. And so we continued on, and my husband was urging me to go eat. So we went out to a restaurant. I was just picking through a salad and getting up to leave on the floor right by our table, a penny that was not there the entire time. It was right next to me. I stood up and I looked down and I told my husband Trent, I said, Oh my gosh, there's a penny right there. It wasn't there before. And I stood up, and the year was the year I was born, 1979.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Two more times getting into the hotel, walking in, the year was the year Trisha was diagnosed with a bone disease when she was three years old, 1987. And the last penny I found was 2016. That was the year Trisha and I, the only time we'd ever flown together, we went to Georgia. These four years were very significant. And I knew without a doubt, Trisha was saying, I'm okay. You're okay. This is how you know I'm with you. And those pennies continued to show up and show up and show up. And eventually she became very pronounced in her messages of connecting with me to the point of giving me full sentences. And I knew it was her. And the final thing that really connected is I was sitting outside and we'd it was five days after the burial service, and I was listening to music, doing anything I could to try to get through the grief that I was feeling, and the anger and the loss and the despair. And the big question that kept coming up for me was Did Trisha leave this earth with regrets for the life she lived? Like, was she happy? Did she feel like she lived a fulfilling life? I was so worried and consumed about that as I sat there. And all of a sudden, I heard this voice, my voice, with this message that says, You're so dang worried about Trisha, but what about the life you're living? And I still right now I get such goosebumps because I stopped swinging on the swing. I just stopped dead right there and thought, Oh my gosh, about my life. And I knew, like, you're still here, Tara. You are still on this earth, you still have the chance to start making some changes. And while I'd lost 220 pounds, on the outside, my body looks amazing. But at that time, my inner world was a complete chaotic mess. And as a saying goes, your external world is a reflection of your internal world. So my body, full control of my body, that was one thing I had control of, but everything else was chaos. And so I started to see the words identity shift over and over. People would say it, it would be on social media, I would hear it, and I realized that was what I was being pushed to do. So Trisha was who brought me into connecting with the calling of being an intuitive healer that I've always meant to be. I've just never stepped into it.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Yes. You know, I think that's so powerful. I don't think I think that everything happens for a divine reason. And so I always call it divine orchestration. And I love the fact that you know that um we are only here temporarily when however long we're physically here in this space. Um, and the fact that there's definitely a higher spiritual world that's even bigger than I can even imagine. But I love the fact that you felt that connection still to her, and that the fact that you went and allowed it to propel you into like your purpose. Uh, and you know, and you have this awareness and you're picking up messages in the environment around you too, like that is big. Some people get are very numb to that and they just block it out for whatever reason. Um, but the fact that you listened and you it motivated something in you to move forward and and to do the work that you're doing today.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Thank you.

Why Women Learn To Play Small

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Yeah, what do you think every woman needs to know today? What do you think is the key thing? I think so many women are doing it all, or they don't feel like enough, or they social media is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I think you could see the highlights of social media, and they may feel like they're never gonna make it. Um, what would you say to that woman who's walking this journey today, whether she's in corporate America or she's a mom at home with her kids? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

I think the biggest thing that women need to understand is that we have been created in this version of ourselves of belief of who we have to be based on past, like hundreds and hundreds of years ago, that it's not safe to be confident. It's not safe to show that you're happy. It's it's not safe to walk into a room and and look like you've got it all together because you will be judged and you will be ridiculed. And so we've got this inner programming that says we have to dim our light, we have to numb ourselves, we have to quiet down in order to stay under the radar so that we stay safe.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

And that essentially is us playing small. We're playing small in order to not be a target. And what I would say to women is that is programming from the past. And it is time for us to realize that that is a conditioned belief that has been placed upon us. And it's not true. There's no truth in it. There in the past, was there truth? Yes. Is there now? Absolutely not. There is no truth. And we have to start rising. We have to start going and going in and using our voice, listening inward rather than going externally and asking for permission to be happy or asking for permission to speak our voice, or if we sound smart enough, or if we are smart enough, we need to go inward and just really sit with ourselves and ask ourselves what is it that I feel? What is it that I know? Who is it that I want to be? In my keynote, I say that the number one question that we women, most women live their entire lives without ever asking themselves, and I was guilty of this is who am I really?

SPEAKER_02 12:38

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

We have lived being who society, the world has told us we have to be, that we have forgotten that we have the power within us to say, who am I really?

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

And begin becoming that woman as she is in the future, right now, so that we can create that future for ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Yes, yes. That is so good because I think you're speaking to some women live in that expired identity, like it's old, it's outdated, it's it's it's it's a gone. Um, but people, you know, the familiar I think allows people to be comfortable because it's kind of scary, like to know that am I that powerful? Am I really the light? Is it okay for me to walk in confidence? And then you begin to hear some of the messaging, like a confident woman, you know, a confident man and a confident woman in a boardroom or CEO, you know, there's still disparities in, you know, that upper corporate part. But I know what I love these days is that women are creating their own worlds and entrepreneurship. And that's a lot part of my listeners. Like, I don't want to be in this that world, but I'm gonna create my own. So I think that is beautiful as well. But I think some women uh trying to like overcome, okay, once they begin to walk in that and realize their true identity, you know, they can be hit with like some of the messaging or the stereotypes. How do they how do what how do they walk through that? Or what would your suggestion, or what are your thoughts on that?

Outgrowing Old Rooms And Body Cues

unknown 14:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Well, you know, I had a great example or experience of this just this last weekend. I was trying to fit into a room that I thought I was supposed to fit into. And I felt the heaviness in my body for six hours. First of all, I thought it was a two-hour event. I find out it's six hours. I didn't drive myself. I was devastated. I felt so heavy, so out of sorts. I left there questioning like, is this who I'm supposed to be? Do I have to be this? And what I connected with is I was trying to fit in a room with women that are amazing women, absolutely amazing, beautiful in so many ways. However, they're not versions of me that I want to be. And Nicole, they were old versions of me. They were old versions of me. And I was trying to put myself back into an old, outdated version of myself because I believe that meant that I was then good enough and I would be accepted. Because, as you said, it's it's uncomfortable, it's scary. So when I'm pulling myself out of that outdated version and I'm putting myself out there, I am feeling seen. I'm feeling scared, I'm feeling uncomfortable. So it's natural for us to want to go back into that old and let ourselves be safe and be comfortable. But that comfort, when we're there, we're not living our best life. And I think as Jim Rohn says, that if you're not growing, you're dying. And that can right, that continues to like peg me every time when I just want to be comfortable, when I just want to give up. I can't tell you the number of times I've said, you know what, I just want to go back to being 338 pounds. I'm done. I'm so sick of this journey, right? And I'm like, Tara, you just want to go back there because it's comfortable. And remember, Jim says, if you're comfortable and you're not growing, you're dying. Is that really where you want to go? We need to start going inward and really question the things that we're saying and the beliefs. Are those truly our beliefs, or are they beliefs that we think that we have to think? And when we start asking ourselves that and we really get deep into our own body, we take ourselves out of the logical way of thinking and we really start asking ourselves in that divine feminine. Is that really what I think? Is that really what I feel? Let your body speak to you. Because as soon as I say that, Nicole, when I'm really like, do I really want to go back to being 338 pounds? You know what I feel in my body? My whole chakra system is just going, and my whole body feels like it wants to cry and it's screaming. Our body tells us so much. And that's that's what I want to say to the women is that listen to your body, you'll know, you'll know the direction you need to go. You'll get received the message using you need to receive from yourself in those situations that will propel you forward. We can propel ourselves forward. I had Trisha that propelled me forward, and ever since that moment that she has propelled me into stepping into this calling, I've been able to propel myself forward by listening to myself, letting my body speak to me and guide me.

unknown 17:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Does that answer your question?

SPEAKER_00 17:08

It does, and it definitely does. And I believe our bodies, we are our own greatest resource. We don't really really realize how powerful and resourceful our bodies are and our intellect are, and just you know, what what the light that shines within us. I and I when you talk about the weight, like having that comfort, and I love Jim Roan as well. Like, you know, comfortable things and comfortable spaces, it not a lot of great things happen in those spaces, so you really gotta stretch yourself. Um yes, and overcome the fear. The the weight, you know, when I think about the weight, as much weight as you lost, that was almost like another person.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

I know that's this is probably like way longer, but how did you um how did that process go? Because I know it probably took years to get it on. So how did how how did

Losing 220 Pounds Through Self Love

SPEAKER_00 17:59

that work? How did you work that out, or what what steps did you take?

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Yeah, yeah, man, it took years to get on, but if I'm honest with you, I think it took less years to get it on than it did to take it off, which is always right. Right, right. Nobody wants to hear that. I'm I am the weight loss coach that is very honest. I'm not going to lie to you, right? Like I can help you gain an incredible amount of weight in three months. I mean, we can do it. That's gonna take us probably nine months to get that off. So that's right. So what really happened is I had I had become suicidal. I was, I'd went through a divorce and I became a single mom of three boys, and I just kept looking at the mom that I was, and we I'd go to the park often with the boys to let them play, and all the other moms were running around, and they were, you know, they were the moms I wanted to be. You know, they were these energizer bunnies and they could fit on the equipment. I couldn't, I was 300 and some pounds. Me on the equipment with those kids, I was not safe. Right. So I would sit on the park bench. And I just got to that point of being so disgusted because that's not the mom that I thought I was going to be. I was so devastated at how much I'd let myself go. And I there was a park, it's a long story, but a park incident where my young youngest son hit me on the swing and it ended up knocking him out and it cracked his head open. And so that moment absolutely put me into a very, very dark, dark place. I I did that. Yeah, it was an accident, but I did that. And all I could see is how dangerous I was, how pathetic I was, how how much of a mom that I was letting letting my boys down and they deserve better. And so I made the decision that I was going to end my life. My middle son, he saved my life by asking me the question, Are you going to die?

unknown 19:59

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

And I realized in that moment I had a choice. Up until this moment, Nicole, I never knew I had a choice. And this is another thing that I work to help women understand. I believed God, whoever you speak to, God, the universe, the higher power, I speak to all of them. I believe God made these women that were pretty, smart, confident, lucky, had everything together, and then he made me. And I didn't fit in the corral with the other women. And I didn't understand why I couldn't find the gate to open right. And in that moment, when Trey asked me, Are you gonna die, mama? He was asking me to give him an answer. And I was like, Tara, you have a choice, and I had this epiphany moment of you got yourself in this situation, you can get yourself out.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

But I also knew that I had tried everything that was damaging, everything to hurt myself. I didn't call myself Tara in the mirror, I called myself Heifer Hannah. And I'm sorry to any Hannah out there, but that's what I called myself. I degraded myself, I was mean, I starved myself, I struggled with an eating disorder for a year and a half, and I really truly damaged my self-esteem and my belief in myself. And I started to love myself. I I for the longest time when people would say, How'd you do it? I didn't know how to say how I did it. I really didn't. But it was learning to love myself. I would look at myself, I started looking at my feet in the mirror and I would say, I love you. And then it continued to come up till I could look in the eyes and I could say my name.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

And I realized that the woman that was looking back at me, I had to love every bit of her, regardless of whether I liked how she looked. I had to love her so much that she would be committed to the journey.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

And I say this to my women when they come into my program. I'm like, if your child was at the bottom of a hole, you would do anything and everything. There would be no, there'd be nothing that was. Going to block you, stop you. It didn't matter how overweight you were, you would get your child out, you would find a way. Oh, that's right. Right? You got to love yourself as much as you love that child at the bottom of that hole. That is how you lose the weight you want to lose. And that's what I did is I loved myself.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

That is so good. First of all, I'm a mom as well, so I could totally identify and a loving myself. I could totally relate to as well. I think to you know, out of the there, our children teach us as well, you know. And so um, out of the mouths of babes can be so powerful. I know my son, I had my oldest son when I was 15. I didn't have another child to like 12 years later until I was married. I was totally not ready. I, you know, I did the best I could as a mom. I didn't put him in danger, but he got to see how I mothered his brother differently, you know, and he was like, I don't get that. Like, you know, I was at daycares all day, you know, like you was always working, and you know, in my mind, I was like, Oh, I'm so mad I sacrificed my life for you. And then one day I just was like, you know what, I'm sorry. You know, I am sorry. And so what I learned from that is that, you know, it it's you know, it's bigger than me, you know, and it's not all about me at the same time, but it is, you know, it's kind of a contradiction, you know, and so um it really changed my life in such a way that the way I begin to see myself communicate with other people, um, just really grow and evolve as a person. Um, life changed in so many ways, and that was just the gift that my son gave me. And it didn't feel good, right? I feel like I was saving him because I was in a way, and I was saving myself in a way as well. And so um I love the way you made the analogy, you're gonna do anything to get your child, you know, and that's the mother in us, that's just innately in us, and I love the fact that there was like no big formula, you know, it started with loving yourself right where you were at, and I think that's something that so many people should identify with or could, you know, whether they've been impacted by a divorce, um, a weight issue, children, whatever it is, you really have to know your true identity, and you really have to love yourself right where you're at. That is so good. Another question I have, I know we're going like I got like six, seven, maybe a little bit plus

Generational Imprints And Womb Beliefs

SPEAKER_00 24:21

more minutes. I got a couple few more questions to get in. What role do you think generational imprints play on our current bodies and life struggles?

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. In my neurolinguistic programming, it would rock your world. They impact so very much, so very much. For instance, I had a woman, I I have permission to share the story, I won't share names, but the story itself, she struggled with believing that she was lovable. Every relationship she stepped into, she sabotaged it. She was consistently sabotaging it over and over and over. And we went in and it and it went into her body. Like she had a similar journey as I did in food and unhealthy relationships. So we go into release work and we uncover a limiting belief that she lived with is I do not deserve to be loved. And I remember asking her, what's the energetic charge of this? And usually it's like 10 is the highest. She said, Can I say 25? And she was just sobbing, sobbing. I said it 25, it is. And we go above her timeline into the past, and I'm connecting with her unconscious mind, her eyes are closed, I'm speaking to her unconscious mind. I intuitively can see it and feel it. Yeah, just such a blessing that I have that other practitioners don't have. And so as we went in, we went down. I said, if you were to know, was it before, during, or after your birth? And she said, before. I said, in the womb or before. And she said, in the womb.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

And I said, if you were to know to know how many months in the womb, she said, four months. And we went down into the womb, and you could see that it was imprinted by her mom because her mom felt like she was not deserving of love. Yeah, and that imprinted into my client, and she'd lived with that for 40 some years, and that's why she sabotaged her life, she sabotaged her body, she didn't love herself. So the generational imprints are absolutely hugely affecting us women, our bodies, our lives, our relationships, our careers in so many ways.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

Yes, that is so good, and I truly believe that as well. I believe that I, you know, we I'm kind of a nerd in a way, I don't commit a lot of time to it, but I believe something to epigenetics. So that's where generationally things could be impacted spiritually, psychologically, energetically through generations. And until we really address it and go handle that, it's still really going to impact us. And if we think about our children, if we really want to really be empowered even bigger than ourselves, I think that's something that we really need to address. And so I love the fact that you said that that's something that you did because I truly believe we can go as far back as that to address the issue so that we really can get healed and empowered and move into the true identity and the success that is, you know, God has for us. So you know, I love the fact that you brought that up. And I think you know, we're just touching the surface in some areas. Yeah, we're just kind of touching it. And I'm like, oh, it's much deeper than that. It's much deeper than that. And so I kind of have that discernment as well. I'm not a practitioner, I work in human services, but you know, I can definitely pick up on things like that. And so you love the fact that you are addressing it and really hitting it because that's it's and I don't think things could fully get to where it needs to be until we address those issues. So I love the fact that you incorporate that into your modality and helping women, you know, reach their fullest potential. How can women, or what do you think, what it means to truly reinvent your life from the inside out when you maybe hit some challenges? And it's just, you know, I believe in reinvention, uh, kind of resetting yourselves, whatever we need to do. Um, what do you think it what do you truly mean by that? Or what do you what do we what is the true thought of that of reinvention? Because I think when, especially when when you hit like divorce and the weight loss, I'm sure you had to go, you had to reinvent yourself in some capacity. And I think certain people are in different paths of reinvention or resetting themselves. What insider suggestions do you have regarding that?

Unravel Upgrade Up Level Identity Work

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Yeah, I have a three-phase roadmap. It's called the Bitchin' Way, and Bitchin' is B T C H Y N for be the change you need. And it's I take women through the roadmap, it's the exact roadmap I went through. And so just to what you're saying, that reinvention, the identities outdated versions. We need to unravel from being who we've always been. We need to unbecome. So the first phase is unravel because you show up as who you've always been, because this is who you believe you have to be, the limiting beliefs that are telling you who you have to be, what you can and what you can't do, what you shouldn't do. And so you're living behind that persona, that identity. The very next phase is our upgrade. This is once we've released out the beliefs that are blocking us, then we can upgrade our identities. We need to start stepping into who it is that we were created to be. Otherwise, if we don't do those first two steps, we keep recreating the same patterns, the same cycles, because that's who we are. That's all we know. So we have to clear out the slate. We have to clean the window, get all the prints off of it, and then we need to start putting the new window clings up that we want that really are in alignment who with who we desire to be. And then we go into up level, which is the very last phase. This is embodiment.

SPEAKER_02 29:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

This is where we begin to embody her as though she truly already exists. We begin to act like her. When I was stepping into being an intuitive healer, it was so difficult for me because I felt like everybody was against me. I felt judged. I was so scared to be a healer. And I sat down one day and I said, if you were a woman who was a healer that knew her worth, spoke her truth, and didn't care what anybody said or thought about her, how would you show up every single day? And I started writing and writing, and I cried and I cried and I wrote and I wrote. And then I started to do the work. I started to be as though I was her every single day. I would pick up things, like carefully pick things up, and I would do things, and I shifted my my identity and reinvented who I was. And one day it was just natural. I woke up and I was her. I didn't have to think about it.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

Yes, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:56

That neuroplasticity of the brain, I had started to create new neural pathways, and I'd closed out the old ones that weren't serving me anymore.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

That's right. Yeah. That is so good. You said closed off the ones that weren't serving you anymore, and you started creating new neural pathways, new ways of thinking, new ways of being, till you ultimately became her. Yeah. And I and I love that. And and I think that that's something that people struggle with. Like, because the imposter syndrome, like when you start getting that messaging, like, oh, I that's I know who who who she is. I know I'm supposed to be her. But then it's just like you're caught in those old patterns. And so it's just, and then when you kind of start to move into that, you still have that other side, but I like the fact that you close them off. Like, ooh, that is powerful. Like, you know, because I think there does have to be a closure to that to fully move into who you're we were created to be. So I definitely love that. Um, I got two last questions, and then we'll wind down and I'll give let you give you an opportunity to leave your web link uh where people can reach out to you if they want to um uh see what you have to offer, your services and whatnot.

When Friends Resist Your Growth

SPEAKER_00 32:12

And so, and anymore. So this has been so great. Um it has been. My last my next to last question is when people start, when you start to move and become her, now that you're creating those new neural pathways, the environment that you were in, or maybe the friends that you had, or the workspace that you're in, you don't fit in there anymore.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Oh, oh yeah, yeah, Nicole, you're you're hitting my life struggles.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

You don't fit there, and it takes courage. Just like you said, you're at that place, you're like, wait a minute, these are beautiful people. I you know, I respect them, but this is not my space, you know, used to be me. So I think when people start walking in that revelation, it does take courage because it could be a little scary, and you might not you might have to go into new unfamiliar territories, environments, and spaces, or maybe you do it alone. It takes courage to do that. Like, where do you dig deep for that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

My my keynote is she rises, courage to choose yourself. So, yes, yes, it's the courage behind it, right? However, it is absolutely going in and knowing who it is that you are when you connect with that authenticity, when you absolutely are deeply embedded and knowing that this is who you are, this is who you're created to be, this is who you desire to be. That courage comes so much easier because everything feels right. It's natural to show up as her because you're not fighting against being someone that's not right. How many times have we walked into a room and we instantly shifted ourselves so that we'd be accepted? I can't tell you the number of times, Nicole, I stood in that room and I've been like this and been pretending like I was somebody else and smiling when I didn't want to smile and speaking baloney out my mouth. That was so exhausting because I was lying. I really wasn't lying, but I was lying because I was being who I thought everybody else preferred me to be. And so when we start to shift and we make these changes, other people in our life do not care for it. And the reason why is you're different. And now they start to feel a shift about you. And here's some of the things that happened. One, they think that you're not going to accept them anymore and love them or want them because they are not wanting to make the changes that you did. And so they're afraid of losing you. They're also being pelted with their own insecurities because now they're seeing that you are glowing and you're happier and you're living this life. Their insecurities are starting to raise. And so people naturally don't want to feel that discomfort. And the last one that I think is probably the hardest is they don't like that you've changed because you're not doing for them what you used to do, and they get very angry and they love hang on. So they degrade you, they cut you down. And how I see it is they you're up here, they want you to come down here. That's her gonna do whatever they can to get you down here because they're not ready to rise.

SPEAKER_02 35:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

Most important thing that we can do, this is a statement that I give to my women that I have said over and over and over to my friends, family, my own husband, is I'm not asking you to do what I've done, but I am expecting you to respect what I've done.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

That is so powerful because now you're telling them, I'm not asking you to do this. You don't need to be a bodybuilder, you don't need to run three miles every day, you don't need to eat this, this, this, but I'm expecting you to respect my choices and my decisions.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

It's so powerful, and when we do that, we are telling ourselves, yeah, I am not settling and I'm not negotiating anything on this contract of me choosing myself.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

That's very powerful.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

That is so good. So good.

Reframing Loss Without Dismissing Pain

SPEAKER_00 36:17

My last question is um, you experience some losses in your life, and so you know, I speak to a lot of people, vicarious losses, you know, your father, uh, your your sister, losing weight, you know, all these things are some losses that come with that. And when I meet some people that I in the work that I do, you know, sometimes they have those suicide ideations due to loss, really don't want to die, but they're experiencing some type of traumatic loss that they can't seem to overcome in the moment. Um, what could you say in terms of how you reframe loss in your life? And what do you how can people kind of reframe that to make that shift and that energy to it's not necessarily you're not dismissing it, but how can it be an empowering thing for you to shift it? How could they make that shift?

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Yeah, I think loss is hard, and I love that you point out also the weight loss, right? There's grieving because that is that's a loss of your own self. For me, what I found is sitting in gratitude for the time that I've gotten and knowing that they're still with me. That has been really important for me is that even though I don't get to physically have them in my life, I know they're still with me. And I know that at any moment that I am just needing to have a conversation with them, I get to have a conversation with them at any second. I don't, I don't have to wait for them to get off work. I don't have to wait for anything. I don't think I have to wait for them to get out of the shower. I get to have a conversation with them whenever I want to. And that has been a big help for me with my sister Trisha is knowing that at any moment I can have a conversation. But I think the biggest thing that I need to say here is that we allow ourselves to have that conversation and we allow ourselves to sit down and just converse and ask the questions and say, I'm really missing you today and I need a sign. I need a sign to know. And those signs will come if you're open to receive them and allow them. And I so I feel like reframing it in that way is so hugely important. For me, with my weight loss, I believe that I was meant to be the weight I was because if I wasn't, I wouldn't have married the man that I married, I wouldn't have had the boys that I had. And I believe for whatever reason, I was meant to be the mom that I was meant to be in order to raise these three amazing young men that are empowered and strong and do so much amazing. I'm so blessed to get to call them mine. Some days I just can't believe it. Yeah, I believe that my journey to losing that weight was for the purpose of the mom I was through the journey of raising them. Yeah, that gives me peace.

SPEAKER_00 39:01

Yes, I love that. I love the fact that you said you you have the freedom to have that conversation whenever you don't have to wait. And, you know, I love the fact that you used um, you know, I had trials in my life as well, and I reflect back and I'd be like, you know what? I wouldn't change a thing. You know, that made me who I am, and that gave me the empathetic lens, and it gave me the power to serve in the capacity that I that I do. And so um, I I don't think they they I don't think anything was that was misused. It wasn't it didn't go for none, you know, it went for purpose. And so I love the fact that you said

Journaling Boundaries And Nonnegotiable Self Care

SPEAKER_00 39:38

that. And my last question, and then I'll give you an opportunity to give your web link, is what in terms of self-care practices for you, like what has worked for you? And it doesn't have to be all of them, but just something I think people kind of get so used to being in certain roles that they forget to care for themselves, yeah. Uh, and and I think of just a daily practice that you use that you found, or a practice or whatever that is that you found to be helpful for you.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Yeah. Oh my gosh. This is uh actually a very weak spot for me, which is very surprising. However, I've gotten much better at it. One of the biggest things most recently, and when I say most recently, the last like honest eight months that I have been doing committedly is I do soul aligned journaling every day. And it's just writing what I want to write. I used to not journal because I thought I had to journal about all the negative stuff. Like you'd read those journals from the 1800s and they'd recount their day. Like I don't want to talk about churning butter. And so I realized I could journal about whatever I wanted, and so I write about what I want in my future, and I just let my dreams go. And I'm like, I'm so grateful that I could confidently collaborate with other impactful leaders in the world, and together we are leading women to change their lives. And that is something for the last eight months. I call it soul aligned journaling. I incorporate it into my program, She Rises, and it just has really opened me up to start seeing that whatever I want is possible for me, and it just gives me that ability to dream. The other thing I would say, water. I drink water every day and I go to the gym five to six days a week, and that's me time. That is me time, and I love that I get to have that time. I don't let anybody make me feel guilty. There is no negotiation. The people in my life know Tara gets up at five in the morning, she goes to the gym. Don't even bother asking her to do anything during that time because it's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02 41:36

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 41:37

It took time for me to get my family to know that, to understand it. And now they don't even bother. If they want to talk to me, they come to me when I'm at my gym and I'm working out, they talk to me while I'm working out. That is how it rolls. Yeah, that's a big self-care. And so it doesn't have to be working out. Yes, it can be what it is you want, but you have to set the standards. Yeah, and one way, like I have my women put a sign up when we're on our group coaching call. I tell them you put your sign up that says, I'm busy, I am available for you at 7:30 p.m. Central Standard Time.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 42:11

But like set that people can't learn to treat you differently if you don't teach them to treat you differently.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

Right. And I love that you set the boundary. And boundaries not only protect us, it protects other people. I love it. So with that, Tara, uh, where can people find you if they're interested in one of your women's groups or uh as you uh consulting with you or having you as a speaker? What web link? And I'll make sure that's in the narrative description when I'm done editing my podcast. Where can people find you? Reach out to you. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

So I have my website, which is www.tara-like in a telephone number, Wisco.com. Okay.com. You can also find me on Apple or Spotify and my podcast, Be the Change You Need. That is where I am as well.

SPEAKER_00 42:59

Awesome. Tara, it has been an awesome conversation. You hit on so many great components in this short brief time. I honor and thank the time that we connected today. I think it was a definite, authentic, really open conversation. And I know my listeners are will appreciate it as well. Thank you. It has really been an honor.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

You are so welcome. Thank you, Nicole. I've loved my time with you.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

Thank you as well.