In this episode, let's talk about something we all do but might not realize – buffering. You know, when we try to dodge our feelings by munching on some chips or mindlessly scrolling through social media. Sure, it feels like a quick fix, but trust me, it's like putting a Band-Aid on a broken arm.
I'm also putting the spotlight on the crazy expectations society has about keeping our emotions under lock and key, especially for the guys out there. It's time to shake things up and get real about how we handle our feelings.
I'll share some of my tales and give you the lowdown on how to get in tune with your body to manage those emotions. We're talking about the power of deep breaths and finding your groove with rhythmic activities.
In this episode, let's talk about something we all do but might not realize – buffering. You know, when we try to dodge our feelings by munching on some chips or mindlessly scrolling through social media. Sure, it feels like a quick fix, but trust me, it's like putting a Band-Aid on a broken arm.
I'm also putting the spotlight on the crazy expectations society has about keeping our emotions under lock and key, especially for the guys out there. It's time to shake things up and get real about how we handle our feelings.
I'll share some of my tales and give you the lowdown on how to get in tune with your body to manage those emotions. We're talking about the power of deep breaths and finding your groove with rhythmic activities.
Welcome to the podcast. First of all, do you guys just love PDs? I love PDs. I love that I get to video chat with my missionary. And actually get a beat on what's happening with him. And I, my first missionary I sent out. You know, it was just that. Two calls a year and. He feels very slighted he's he always says. The, my current missionary that serving he's soft, he doesn't get the full experience. But I'll tell you what. I am so grateful that the church did that, that, that has been one of the best things for me. With the different missionaries that I've sent out. That was the best. And I look forward to those days and those conversations. And then I just also want to share that, you know, Right before they're leaving, we're trying to hurry and cram all bunch of things in for them, like, don't forget about this. Or, you know, remember this. And while they're serving a mission, they are like wide open. And it doesn't mean that it, we want to like lecture and fill that space, but there's some really, really good teaching moments. And I was talking to my son and he was telling me about some of the frustrations. That he had an. And I was just able to point out a few things. That he could consider and he could maybe Maybe question some of his own thoughts. Because just because we think it doesn't make a true. And, but sometimes we like really want to hold on to those. And we create some of our own misery when we do that. And so it's been so eyeopening because it was really funny right before he left. He's like, I want to talk to my mom. I don't want to talk to the coach. I was like, okay. And, but now. That he's on the mission. He actually really loves to talk to the coach at times. And. Just being able to ask him questions, like, what do you want to do about that? It's just really, really beneficial for him to try and figure out his own mind. And no, you know, his own self. And so it's just such a great opportunity. That we get as parents. But that's not actually what we're going to talk about today. Today. We're gonna talk about buffering. This is a concept that I learned when I was going to the life coach school. And it has just completely changed my life. So buffering is what we, when we have like emotions. Instead of going through and like feeling the emotions we buffer away from them. And because, you know, the emotions are uncomfortable. And so these are some of the things that I've seen people use. There's others. But most of the people that I coach these are kind of their go-to. Food. Mainly sugar or salt. Is a huge buffer scrolling, social media, like mindlessly scrolling. Online shopping. Alcohol drugs. Tobacco and even pornography. All of those can be buffers away from emotions. And all, and most people kind of have their buffer that they use their buffer of choice. And mine is definitely food, sugar. My weight fluctuates with, depending on what I'm dealing with. And so it's like when they say like, oh, they carry their emotions on their sleeve. I carry my emotions on my body because I buffer with food is that's normally what I do. And that's what I've done in the past, but it can be anything. And it's being able to identify like what it is and. It's numbing away from the discomfort of the emotions and what it does is it drops a little bit of these other things. They drop a little bit of dopamine to our system. And after a few times of doing that, what we've done is we've created a neural pathway in our brain, just like Pavlo, salivating dogs. That. Oh, I feel discomfort. I'll have an ice cream. Oh, I'll just say like, I'm feeling really sad. So I'll sit here and scroll or, or binge nip, Netflix. Those are buffers instead of like actually getting into the emotion and feeling it, which can feel really scary at times. But what's really interesting about buffering is that like the motion doesn't go away. It's where they're temporarily numbed. And so it's kind of like holding a beach ball under water. And when you finally let it go, it shows up somewhere else. So an example of this is. Like one of my boys rides, saddle broncs in rodeos. And he's been kicked a few times or tramped trampled on by horses. And instead of me just feeling kind of that terror, cause it's like kind of a terrifying feeling of watching him. W the way that I usually it shows up in other ways is I usually start yelling at my other kids. And so instead of just like sitting with the terror and that emotion. I have. Held it down in some other way. And then, you know, it shows up. You know, by yelling at my kids or whatever. And so there's, there's a lot of ways that we do this and the deal is none of us have been taught. About how to deal with emotions in our life. We've been told things, like, suck it up. Stop crying. Don't be a baby. You know, just things like that. And I'm going to be honest. Guys have it way worse than women, because as a society, men are taught that emotions make them weak. And how tragic is that? Because in my imagination and, we came to earth to experience like having a body and all the things. And one of the things about having a body is emotions. And we don't really know. You know what to do with them. So. It's like being able to consider that part of the discomfort of emotions. And how to embrace them and move through them. That could be part of why. We're having this early experience. So what of having a kid serving a mission is. An opportunity for us. Two. Feel. The full emotion and really embrace because we're going to feel a variety of things that go through. So not just the positive, Yemi like, oh, he's doing, they're doing amazing. Everything's great. But what if we're able to embrace the other ones as well and not use a buffer? And what if that's part of them serving a mission that really helps us grow and that we learn how to do that part better. And emotions are like waves. They ebb and flow. But they always pass. And when my first missionary left, I thought that I would break my heart was going to break. With sadness and worry. And anxiety and just missing him so so much. I think I ate my way through enough Oreos. That I should have probably bought stock in the company. I gained weight. I felt terrible. And then I layered all of those emotions instead of sitting with the sadness and the worry I ate, I ate them. And then I added a lovely amount of judgment. And I would give myself a good talking to of guilt and shame. And. It sounds very simple to lean into the emotions and soften and allow it. So I wanted to talk about it today and like what I've learned and how I've kind of incorporated it into my life. And it's a work in progress. And maybe help give you guys some tips. And this is also just some of the things that I work on with my clients. Is. What if I'm going to give you three. So number one, Ask yourself for the next 30 seconds. What sensations do I feel in my body? So when you're feeling like I start feeling like an urge and I have very anxious. And then I want to eat. You know, Oreos or whatever. I put my hand on my heart. Put a hand on my hip or on my belly. And I close my eyes and I'm like, I'm just going to soften into this emotion, whatever it is. And I'm just going. For 30 seconds, I'm just going to allow it. And I'm just going to sit with and see where in my body, where is it showing up? And my body and like, okay. Where does this show up? They anxiety. Is it a show? Is it in my chest? Is it in my belly, is it in my thighs? Like where is it? And I just soften into whatever that is. So that's the first one. The second one that you can try is taking deep breaths. So we've heard about, we've heard this like take a deep breath. The reason that we hear that is because they've done so much research on it. And that helps calm the nervous system. It helps us start to regulate again, and it really does work. As far as like giving us this calming effect, it doesn't take the emotion away, but it helps us calm and settle into it. So that we can actually feel it. And really be aware of what's happening. Okay. And the third one is, you know, when you're at church and a baby starts crying and every lady around starts rocking. This is because it's rocking is rhythmic in nature. And it soothes babies. And so when somebody is rocking a baby. They are teaching them how to regulate. And so doing something rhythmic helps also Sue those emotions. So you have to experiment because everybody is different. Everybody's having their own lived experience. So you have to experiment with it and give yourself a lot of room. To see what it is that helps you get back and regulation that helps you calm down, helps your nervous system calm down and like settle into those emotion. So some examples of some rhythmic things that I do. And there's a lot of others, so it's being able to experiment, but like what I like to do. I like walking. If I get a call and my, my missionary is really struggling. Sometimes I'm like, okay. I get off the call. I'm like, I'm just going to go on a walk. And that helps me. D. Compress and really soften into that emotion. And drumming. I love to drum. Drumming real that just that drumming. Rudman rhythm. Sometimes that really helps music. And sometimes music is amazing and sometimes I'm like, I just need everything turned off. But when I'm feeling scared or terrified still to this day, Being rocked. Or just rocking. Really really helps me regulate. One of the most beautiful moments that I've had in my marriage. Is, I can't even remember what it was like, what was happening. I just remember I was bawling about something. And I was feeling all the feels. And my husband said, come here. Just come sit on my lap. I'm just going to rock you. And I curled up on his lap and he just rocked me and it's immediately started to shift. So it's a matter of getting to know you. It's like when you have a new baby and every single one of our kids are different. Getting to know their likes. That is part of our life's work is getting to know ourself. And so giving yourself the opportunity to get to know. What it is that helps you. And so just being really patient with yourself as you try and experiment these. And remembering that our emotions are not the enemy. And I hear a lot of clients tell me. I shouldn't feel this way, or I don't want to feel this way. And the reason that we say that is because it is. Uncomfortable. And My missionary has said that he has said. I don't want to feel this way. And so I do this, just being able to question, like, what if there's nothing a matter with you? And what if it's okay. And what if that's part of being here? And so it's just like, what's normalized that our emotions are just part of this journey that we're on. And. Some of one of the other things that I've done with some clients. So this might be something that you'd be interested in doing. Is I have made an Excel spreadsheet of emotions. And we've started mapping them. And so. We have a list. So let's just say I'm embarrassed. So embarrassed. And then they just write, like when it comes up, what was happening, what it felt like, and they got very clear, they've gotten very clear. And when you do that. It shifts so much faster and you start practicing that and then you don't need these outside. Buffers. And we don't need the extra dopamine. We don't need the Oreos. We don't need social media. You know, mindlessly scrolling. We. We. don't need those things. this is a concept that when I became aware, it's like you have subconsciously do these things, but when you consciously are aware of them, also, it really helps to be. Able to start to shift and move through. Some of these emotions. And so I would just like to like end this today with just consider what buffers you use. Most people have some, I mean, it could even be sleep. What are they and what are you trying to get away from? And then. Go back and listen to those three things and see if you can figure out how you can help yourself so that you don't have to buffer. All right, everybody. That's what I've got for you this week. I hope you and your missionary have a great week. And if not, Hopefully you're not, buffering. All right, we'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.