48: Grace in the Holiday Season

This holiday season, are you feeling the pull of comparison? Join us as we explore why comparison feels so tempting, why it doesn’t serve you, and how to quiet your inner critic. Discover simple strategies to let go of the “shoulds,” reclaim joy, and focus on what truly matters to you and your family.

In This Episode:

• Why comparison is natural but not the full story
• How to recognize and reframe your inner critic
• Letting go of unrealistic “shoulds”
• Finding connection and joy by embracing your unique holiday season

Takeaways:

• Pause, notice, and reframe comparison.
• Celebrate your small wins every day.
• Focus on what feels meaningful for you and your family.

Let this season be about grace, joy, and connection—not perfection.

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Transcript

0:30

Hello and welcome to the podcast. Today, we're going to be talking about something that feels expecially relevant during the holiday season comparison. It's that little voice in your head whispering that you're not doing enough. You're not decorating enough. You're not baking enough or maybe you're not even parenting well enough. And you know what? It can really be exhausting. So let's take some time to talk about why comparison feels so tempting. Y it's not serving you. And how you can quiet that inner critic and embrace the holidays with joy and connection. And let's just give ourselves some grace. Trust me. There's a way to let go of what other moms are doing and focus on what matters to you and your family. So I wanted to talk about this because when my older son was serving a mission, He was in Argentina. And it was really difficult to get packages to him. So I opted instead. Of sending him something just to put additional funds in his account so that he and his companion could go and do something or go and buy some food. Or buy some things they needed or whatever. And I thought that that was being very generous and. And just having like some awareness of him. And when he came home, I remember him saying, yeah, it was really hard. We had a mission Christmas party and everybody got gifts. Except a few of us. And I was like, What. And I totally made it about me. And that I wasn't enough. So comparison is totally natural. It's part of being human. And our brains are wired to notice differences, making judgements. It's one of the ways that we really have survived as a species. But what helped us. Decide which berries were safe to eat and which path was less dangerous. And how. And how to make safe decisions to survive. Is turned into kind of a full blown habit of measuring ourselves against everybody else. So when you see another mom, who's got her Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving. Or a missionary, his mom who writes glowing uplifting letters that are posted on social media. Your brain loves to chime in with you should be doing more. But here's what I want you to know comparison. Doesn't tell the full story. You're only seeing a highlight of someone else's life, not behind the scenes messiness, which exists. In every human life. And the worst part is comparison can leave us feeling really inadequate. Where. We're already doing just fine. So it really robs us of the chance to enjoy our own success and appreciate the beautiful things that we are doing. I see quite often on some. Mission. Missionary mom groups that I'm part of. Moms that are putting together very elaborate gifts and packages and. To send their missionaries. And. I posted last year, something kind of funny, just saying. Hey for anybody, who's not one of those moms. It's okay. And then I posted in the comments. Yeah, it's me. Because I was trying to give space to those of us who are not that in, into some of. That a very elaborate stuff. Now, if you are, that's amazing. But for if you're not that's okay too. We also have other things that were. Amazing at. So we want to start recognizing kind of that inner critic and lesbian, honest. It's loud. Especially during the holidays. And sometimes it says things like this. Other moms make it look so easy. Why can't I. Get it together. You're feeling you're failing as. A mom. To your missionary. If you don't send the perfect package. Or you should be doing more to make this season more magical for your family. So first off, let's just take a deep breath right there. And I know these thoughts feel real. But they're just stories. That your inner radio is telling you. And it's not a truth teller. It's a storyteller. So like all stories, you get to decide whether or not you believe them. So here's a trick. When your inner voice starts complaining or comparing you to someone else, pause and say, thank you. For trying to protect me. But I don't need your help right now. I'm okay. I just like, I am. Because that's all it's really doing is trying to keep you safe from judgment of other people or possible failure. But you are more than you give yourself credit for. And then another one that I hear. Is a big source of comparison is the list of sheds that we carry around in our shit in our heads. I should. Decorate the house. I should have sent a Christmas card this year. I should feel happier about this season. Notice how FA. Heavy, those kinds of thoughts can feel and should don't inspire us. They don't inspire us to be better. They weigh us down. And when we hold ourselves to a standard that we think other people are doing. We're living somebody else's life instead of our own, and we're not here to live their life. We're here to live ours. So let's reframe some of this. I should. And try asking ourselves. What would feel good to me right now? Or what. What really matters to my family this year. Maybe it's keeping things simple. Maybe it's choosing one or two traditions that really bring joy instead of just trying to do all the busy-ness. Maybe it's giving yourself permission to let some things go. And there's times to let old traditions go that no longer serve you. So comparison can keep us looking outward. At the things going on around us, but joy comes from looking inward. What brings you and your family joy? Maybe it's not about a Pinterest perfect Christmas. Or the brochure family of 5.25 kids. Perfection. But about snuggling on the couch. With your kids, your spouse. Reading emails, writing letters. Singing or in my case, maybe humming. Your favorite Christmas? Songs and the truth is that your missionary doesn't care how perfect your house looks. Or what the packages you have. Scent that you send them, they care that you love them. They care about your encouragement, your prayers. And. Your other kids remember? They'll. Make their way through the season. And it doesn't have to be perfection because they enjoy. This season. No matter what. And I think that it's also very helpful to notice if you know your missionary. And you kind of think about. The way they give and get gift and give gifts is normally an indicator of their love language. And so I have some of my boys that are definitely words of affirmation and so a very thoughtful. Well thought out letter, they absolutely adore. Some of my boys are definitely. Gifts. And so what small ways can you do that without creating some inner criticism or even burden, but maybe more of a creative way of looking at things? And when you let go of the pressure to measure up, you start really creating space for connection. And you can notice, like the little moments. The good times, the laughter during a family dinner, the excitement of unwrapping some. You know, a small gift. Or even. Quiet peace. In quiet time. And those moments are really what matter. And being able to really bring Christ into the mix. So here's a little homework for you this week. When you catch yourself comparing, let's do these three things. Pause and notice. Say to yourself. Oh, there's my brain comparing again. I'm just noticing that you're doing that. And that's very powerful. And it creates space between you and the thought. And it kind of gives you like. You can actually kind of chuckle because you'll catch yourself. Make sure you reframe the story instead of thinking she's better than me. She's the better mom. Ask yourself. What is this showing me? About what I value. If you admire someone else's kindness or creativity. Use that as an inspiration, rather than a reason to feel less than. And then you can add your own twist of creativity and kindness and how you want to show up. And then write down three things that you're doing well every day. And this is especially helpful during the holidays. And they don't have to be big. Maybe you sent a thoughtful text. To somebody, or you folded a basket of laundry for one of your kids that normally folds their own. Or you got through the day and. Went to the store and smiled at somebody at the grocery store. Just celebrate those small wins because those matter. I remember that this holiday season is a time for grace for yourself and for others. So release the need to do it all and to do it perfectly. And just trust that you're doing what you are doing is already enough. And remember that you're exactly the mom that your missionary in your family need. They don't need a different mom. So, what would it look like to let go of comparison the season? What could you gain if you stopped worrying about what others are doing? And focus on what feels meaningful to you. I promise when you let go of comparison. You make room for connection, joy, peace. And really deep enjoyment of the season. All right, you've got this mama. Let's make this holiday season one to remember. Not because it's perfect, but because it's yours and it's full of grace for you and everybody around you. All right. you. guys, that's what I have for you. This. Episode, and I hope that you push the follow button so that you never miss one, and I will see you next week. Bye bye now.