53: Navigating Cultural Differences

In this episode, we explore the challenges of cultural shock and differences your missionary might face, whether serving in a foreign country or a different part of the U.S. As moms, our role isn’t to shield them from the unfamiliar but to be a safe, nonjudgmental space as they navigate these experiences.

Learn what happens in the brain when encountering something new, how curiosity can replace judgment, and why discomfort is a natural part of growth. You’ll also discover practical tips for responding empathetically and helping your missionary (and yourself) embrace cultural differences with an open heart.

Highlights:

• What happens in the brain when facing something unfamiliar.
• Tools for staying curious instead of judgmental.
• How to validate your missionary’s feelings and encourage growth.
• Managing your own cultural shock as a parent.

Takeaways:
Cultural differences aren’t about right or wrong—they’re just different. By modeling curiosity and validation, you can help your missionary feel supported as they adapt and grow.

Share your missionary stories where you agree to allow me to share them:
michellesevans.coach@gmail.com

Missionary Mom Journal: https://www.amazon.com/Missionary-Mom-Chronicles-Michelle-Evans/dp/B0CFZ9GZS8/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2FMSPY3SBZMDG&keywords=missionary+mom+journal&qid=1704483351&sprefix=missionary+mom+journa%2Caps%2C181&sr=8-4

Meet with me for additional mission support. Book your free call: https://calendly.com/michellesevans-coach/consult-call

Follow me on social media:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/michelle_evans.life/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100082926154445

Transcript

0:29

Hello, and welcome to podcast today. One thing that has been coming up for me and my missionaries is there's been a lot of cultural differences and cultural things that we. Are encountering that are new. And so I thought this was a great opportunity to talk about this for anybody else that might be going through. Some cultural shock if you will. So let's talk about what happens in our brain. When we were our missionary starting, countering something really unfamiliar. Our brains job is to keep us safe. So when we come across something new or unexpected, it can feel kind of like a threat. Even if it's not, and that's the amygdala. Mignola. McDilla kicking in saying, Hey, watch out. This is really different. Like this could be dangerous. This is why your missionary might feel anxious or unsettled, or even kind of defensive when they experience cultural differences. And it's why you might feel a little thrown off as well when they share those experiences with you. So, first of all, when you notice your brain starting to react strongly. Maybe feeling. A little judgmental, defensive, or worried. Take a moment to pause and breathe and remind yourself this isn't necessarily a bad situation. Is just your brain adjusting to something new. So an example of this is. My son is serving a mission in Zimbabwe. And he called me with some of the things that they were eating. And one of the dishes had small fish in it. And the fish were like intact. So they had eyes. And he was, and he was really disturbed about these eyeballs. And so we just kind of talked about them and how. Showing gratitude and being grateful for the kindness that somebody's made. You know, some food for them. As opposed to being more judgmental and. Having. An opinion about it. So just being more able to observe it. The, the second thing is we want to talk about is curiosity. So when we're curious that really calms our brain down. So the, the best way. To quiet that initial reaction. Is to get super curious. So curiosity engages. The thinking part of your brain, the prefrontal cortex. Which really helps calm the emotional response. Because the emotional response comes from your nervous system, which happens. With subconsciously without any assistance. So, for example, if your missionary says. They had something totally weird here. Instead of reacting, like, Ooh, I can't believe you had to eat that. You could try. That sounds so different. What is it like? How do they prepare it? So then you're modeling a mindset that helps them feel safe, exploring. Differences instead of judging it. So, do you see how. Immediately, we go kind of into judgment mode. And we do this too. I recently went out to dinner and. My. I ordered something that I hadn't eaten before. And I was like, oh, this is sweet. And then my husband was like, why is this so bitter? And I was like, this is really interesting because we're both having very different experiences and. We're very, we are both judging what we're consuming. But instead of, we can just be curious about that. And we start to really facilitate that within ourselves. And that helps us be able to facilitate it. In. Our children. So there's also this thing called cognitive dissidents, em, and using that as a growth opportunity. So cognitive dissonance is when a missionary encounters. Like cultural practices or attitudes. The challenge where they're used to, and they can feel really uncomfortable, comfortable, and that's cognitive dissidents at work. And when we X one. What we're expecting. Doesn't match what we're experience. That's cognitive dissidence and this discomfort is actually a sign that we're growing. And we're learning how to adapt and expand. Our worldview, also our kids worldview. Even if it feels tricky in the moment. So you can help by validating their. Feelings, for example, that sounds really different from what you're used to. I can see how that would feel strange. And then remind them it's okay to be uncomfortable. That's how we grow. One example I have of cognitive dissidents that happened to me is when my older son. I've talked about this quite a few times on the podcast. Had him had a mission companion. That. Would stand over prior mission companions and he was planning. He was planning their demise basically. And how he was going to kill him and what he was going to do with their bodies. And I experienced severe cognitive dissonance because it was, I expected him to run into some dangerous situations in the country, but I didn't expect it from a companion. So I had massive cognitive dissidents, which ended up causing some trauma. So it's really, really important to be open. To evaluating your own expectations so that you can help. Calm those things down. And then hopefully it doesn't turn into something more traumatic. Another thing is just trying to normalize it. There's cultural differences. And even though we can't prepare them for everything. Because. The chances are, we don't know some of the specifics. But just normalize that there's going to be cultural differences and they're not just about food or language. They can show up in how people express emotions, how they solve problems, how they perceive time. They might come across as rude. Not saying things like, thank you. It could be completely normal and another cultural it's not about right or wrong. It's just different. So being able to differentiate that so that we don't. Fall into that trap of judgment. So one of the things that my son mentioned to me was. I'm just so surprised at the lack of manners. And so when he said that it was like an opportunity for me to normalize that and. Just asking him some question, like. W, what do you mean by that? Like how do you, how do you see that as different. And why is that a problem? Because we taught one way and then another place in the world, they have a completely different way. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing. So when your missionary shares a cultural experience, avoid comparing it. To your own way of doing things. Instead ask how does that work for them? Or what do you think is the reason behind that? And that helps both of you stay at a place of curiosity and learning. The last one is just managing. Your own cultural shock. Sometimes it's mom, we pace our own version of culture shock. When we hear about what our missionaries are experiencing. Maybe their living conditions are something that we can't imagine. Or they've adopted habits that feel very foreign to us, like the way they talk. And it's it's okay to feel a little unsettled at first. But you also have to be able to take a deep breath and not act surprised because they're living a completely different way. So when you feel yourself kind of being reactive, you want to take a moment to breathe and remind yourself this is their experience. This is not mine. My job is. To support them not to solve this. And trust that they're capable. Totally capable of navigating these differences and growing from them and even encouraging them. And asking them how they're going to do it. And then turning discomfort into growth. It's important to remember that both you and your missionary. Are wired for growth. And the initial discomfort of encountering. Something totally unfamiliar is temporary. The more that you practice it. And practice approaching differences with curiosity and openness, the easier it becomes to navigate them. So whenever you feel discomfort or judgment, creeping in, just say to yourself, this is an opportunity for growth for them. And for me, And over time, you'll both develop resilience and a greater appreciation. Of the diversity in the world. So a number of years ago, we moved to a little town and it had this little grocery store. And it was kind of run down a little unkept. In, in my normal opinion. And I remember going in and being like the scare, this store is so scary. But then over time, it wasn't scary. It was no big deal. It was just the local grocery store. And so that became normal. Whereas before it was a little bit shocking. And so these are really opportunities culturally for our kids to grow and appreciate differences. And be able to appreciate also where they came from. And it's also an opportunity for you to be able to. You know, calm and ground, your nervous system. Even when some thing that they might be describing does sound. A lot different than what you're used to or what they're used to. And just being able to be very curious, And be able to allow them that space to grow, because if you jump into judgment as well, then it really helps restrict their growth. Or are you guys, that's what I have for you today. I hope that you had wonderful holidays and that you're ready for 2025. For all the growth that's coming your year. Coming your way this year. And I will see you next week. Bye bye.