54: The Power of a Thought Audit

In this episode, we explore the transformative tool of a Thought Audit—a simple yet powerful way to identify and challenge the thoughts shaping your life.

What You’ll Learn

• Lessons from Wrestling: How pre-match thoughts like “I’m so tired” impact performance—and life.
• What Is a Thought Audit?: A step-by-step process to uncover hidden beliefs, challenge them, and rewrite your story.
• Real-Life Examples:
  • I share some of my thought audits and how they helped me transform how I was showing up
  • Reframing thoughts so you can let go of struggles 
  • Catching subconscious thoughts, even in everyday moments.
• Why It Matters: Your brain is wired to protect you, but it can also hold you back. A Thought Audit helps you break free and create intentional outcomes.

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Transcript

0:29

Hello and welcome to the podcast. So I probably haven't mentioned this, but I coach girls wrestling and it's. New to our school. So this is my first season. And so we've been going to tournaments. And. Right before the girls go out on the mat. You know, we're kind of talking and going over a few things. And I noticed. A common thread. Some of them would say things like. I hope this ends soon. Or. I'm not very good at this. Or. I'm so tired. And it was really interesting as I was observing them because when. We think something, then our brain is very diligent at going out and creating the results that we're thinking. And so we need to be aware of what's going on in our brain and what we're allowing our brain to think. And this is some, this is a tool that I have used for myself. And it's a tool that I've used with my clients. And it's called a thought audit. So one of the reasons that this is so helpful is because we have so many thoughts running and some of them are subconscious than some of them are conscious. And unless we sit down and we're very. Intentional about getting a handle on what's going on, then they're just running without. Without our notice or without our kind of interference and also without us. Putting in some input. And we're not trying to just find a thought and change it. We're trying to find a thought and challenge it. Because then we can change the outcome. So let's use the girls wrestling example. So one of the girls who said, like, I'm so tired. We had wrestled the day before. So the fact that she was tired, that is probably true. Right? She probably was a little bit more tired than what she normally is. So when, when I was actually talking to her about this. And I was like, well, what can you think of instead? And she said, well, I, I guess I could think. I'm not as fresh as I was yesterday, but that's okay because I'm going to be. I'm going on the mat anyway. And I was like, right. So then we, we are more proactive and we're not just cause our brain's job is to keep us alive. Keep us safe. And the best way to do that is to keep us on the couch. Eating chips, doing nothing. Never leaving so that there's not any issues. Out there in the big, bad world, kind of like the movie, the. The crudes. So. Anyway, one of the things that's really important here is a thought audit now. I have refined this process over the years. And how I utilize it. So I'm going to give you kind of a high, higher view, but just like super helpful so that you guys can use this as well. This tool as well. So you sit down and you're going to write about one topic. Now, when I say one topic, I don't mean something very broad. You don't want to write about. All the thoughts that you have about. Your kids mission. That's it's too broad. If you want to write about your kid's mission, right. About the thoughts that maybe will be troubling you. So let's just talk about like difficult companions or there's something happening with a companion that's been typical. We want to write all of our thoughts about that specific subject. So then we're, we're dialing it in and we're, we're going to try and unearth some of those subconscious thoughts. And what comes up and you, and when you're doing this, you do not want to filter. So if you see a thought. That's coming up. And you're like, oh, I shouldn't be thinking that. And you don't write it down. Then it, you don't have the opportunity to challenge it. So we want this unfiltered. We want to know all the things that we're thinking. We want to get very clear about what's happening in the background. That will allow us to be able to challenge those, but if we're constantly. Filtering those, then we can't. So I, let me give you an example of something that happened to me. Oh, Probably three or four years ago. So I live in a small town and we moved here with our family in 2011. And I was working in a job in our local government. And I had quit. I decided to quit that job and work someplace else. And. I ran into some people from our community at a store. And the husband said to me, Basically, you're just a moot. He said. I'm getting as close as I can to quoting without quoting. Cause it was three or four years ago. He said. Well, you're a move in. And I remember that stinging. And I couldn't. And I remember thinking like I can't believe he called me that. I've lived here for, I mean, at that time I'd lived here about 12 years. But basically we'd raised most of our kids here. And so I was, I was. Kind of annoyed and. A little bit resentful, maybe. And so I sat down and I did a thought audit. And some of the things that came up was. I'll never belong. I'm I'm never going to be part. A, I didn't grow up. With roots. In the town that we're living. Let's see, what were some of the other ones? Aye. I'll always be an outsider. Do you see how that's very victim like, and so I had this very victim Energy going on. And I decided like, okay, let's just look at the reality. So I had all these thoughts downloaded and there was a lot more, but I, but I had written all these thoughts down and all of these things that had come up for me. And I was like, let's start to challenge some of these. First of all, am I moving? Yes. So that was the first thing. And I was like, Okay. So what's the problem with me being a move in. And then I had all these other things, you know, like, oh, I'm going to always be an outsider. And it was really interesting because as I looked at those, I was like, only if I choose that I will be an outsider only if I choose that. And if somebody calls me a move in that doesn't necessarily have to have a negative connotation. Because it is true. And so I was able to really died, digest and separate out. Like this is okay. So another example is I really struggled with my older son's mission president. He said to me, I sent him an email and he said to me this mission is none of your business. And I had a lot of thoughts, a lot of thoughts. And. After going through like a lot of therapy and stuff. And like working on some of the stuff. Cause I had a lot of trauma around his mission. And able to get really clear. I wanted to let go of some of these nagging. Resentments that I had towards him. And so I knew that in order to do that, I was going to have to look at my own thoughts because I can't control somebody else. I can only control me. So I started out and I started, you know, writing down all my thoughts. They were very judgmental. He's a big fat jerk. He should be nicer. Doesn't he understand how hard it is to have a missionary out. Like I'm his mother. And so it was, it was a very, I had some very judgemental thoughts and ideas about. How he should be interacting with me and how he could be nicer and kinder and, you know, I wasn't nicer kind, but I certainly thought I deserved it. But it was really good and very helpful for me to look at those thoughts. So that I could start to let them go. And I could start to challenge him. And one, one other thing that I do, especially if I have something that's running really deep. And I'm having a really, really hard time letting it go. That's when I take it to prayer. And I'm like, okay, I can see that I am in a reactionary state here. I can see that I am feeling very. Victimized by something somebody said, or I'm feeling very. Angry by, you know, this mission president who told me that my sons, basically my son's mission, wasn't named my business. I'm feeling very angry about this, and I want to let it go and I don't know how, but I want to want to let it go. Because for awhile, I didn't even want to let it go. I just wanted to be angry. But when I got to the point that I was like, okay, I think I'm ready. And I was like, help me want to, want to let it go. And then I was like, and then help me be able to clean up like the emotions and the thoughts around. This mission president. And so over time that happened for me and it happened very subtly. And it was like kind of like when you have a wound that's healing, you can't see it. It's not visible to the eye. But you overtime, right? Like you S you. You scrape your knee. Over time, it heals and you're like, oh, oh, it's all gone. And that's what's happened with me, but, but I had to put in some effort and some work to it and. Beyond to myself about what I'm thinking and what I'm letting run. It's also helpful. When. You get off the phone with your missionary. And they've had a particularly, you know, maybe a challenging week. It's very helpful to be on to yourself about some of the thoughts that your brain starts to feed you. So remember, your brain's job is to keep you alive. And. It's also wired to keep your kids alive, right? Because we want our species to exist and to go on and to not become extinct. And so we are wired naturally to be very protective. Of our children. And so when things happen to them, we want. We want to extinguish the negative or the bad things. And so sometimes we have this need that we want to like contact the mission president and tell him like, This. This companion is not doing what he's supposed to be doing or whatever, you know, whatever it is. But before we do any of those things, which I'm not saying not to, if you feel so inclined, you know, that's definitely your prerogative. What I'm saying is just being onto yourself about why. And so just being very, very clear on your thoughts. And what's driving the action. And sometimes we don't have time to slow down and evaluate those and we can evaluate them later. And that's okay, but just be on to like what you've got going. So this is, this is another example. I. Gosh, years and years ago, probably an early 2000. I started watching law and order, and I was, I loved the show. And so, and this is before you could stream. And so it was like once a week. And I started watching it. And one thing that I found that was really interesting is that my brain, because I was thinking about the shows so much, my brain started coming up with ways of getting away with crimes. And it was like, Ooh, if we did this and, and I, and I caught it one day, I caught the thought. And I was like, why am I thinking this? Like, I'm not actually going to go do a crime. So why is my brain. Entertaining that. And so it's like that piece of awareness and I caught it right out of the blue and it had been running for a while. And so when I did, I decided this is not something I want to put in my brain anymore. So I actually quit watching law and order, which is like, I'm not dogging in any way on law and order. I'm just saying I, it was very fascinating what was going on inside of me. And so I was able to catch it. When my son that is coming home this summer. When he was getting ready to leave, I was still working through a lot of mission trauma. And I was really struggling with letting him go. And one. Day. I went to get in my truck and I realized the thought that was running was I can't do this again. And I caught it. It's like, almost like. It was running. So subconsciously it's almost like I caught it in the peripheral vision. Right. So it's not like actually in my vision, but, but that's what it felt like. Like I saw this like glimpse. And I realized that's the thought that I was, was running with was I can't do this again. And as soon as I caught it, I was able to go wait a minute. Hold on. I'm totally doing this. Like he put in his mission papers, he got a call. He is leaving. And so I was like, I'm doing this. So I just started to re repeat that over and over in my mind, like we're doing this, I'm doing this. Instead of, I can't do this. This is too hard, right? And so it's being able to be really, really aware of what's going on inside of you. The other thing you want to consider is that we really want to be right. Our brains want to be right. Kind of almost at. Any cost. And so when you do a thought audit and you're challenging your thoughts. Just be aware that sometimes your thoughts are not accurate. And so you have to be willing to look at them objectively and be able to have a way of seeing through a lens of. We're not trying to prove that we're right. We're trying to examine our thoughts. And see if that's actually something that's true. And if it's something that we really want to keep in it serving us. Because if it's not serving us, we don't want to keep it. So it wasn't serving me to be thinking about like how picked on I was, because I was a move in. When the reality is like we chose to move to a small town. And we love a small town vibe and there's other things that come with moving to a small town. But I will always be a move in. I have. My, my ancestors did not grow up here. And so being able to see that this I'll always be an outsider. And that, that wasn't, that's not true. I will only an outsider, as long as I believe I am. And so I challenged that and made sure that like that actually isn't going to happen. I'm going to be part and I'll be part where I decide, I want to show up. And so it's very, very helpful tool. But like I mentioned before, you want to get very clear on what you're talking about, because if it's too broad, there'll be too many things and then you'll get kind of overwhelmed. So be very, very clear about what it is you're talking about or what it is you're trying to audit and what you're trying to see. And the other thing is you want to do this when you're in a more regulated state I've talked about in the nervous system a lot. If you're activated. It is, you're not accessing your prefrontal cortex. And so it's very hard to be objective. You can do it and it can help you ground. But if you're challenging too many things, then it won't because then your nervous system will start to feel like it's dangerous. That your, that you're in danger in somehow. And so just be a Berry aware that you want to do this. After the fact, when you're back into your regular thought patterns and you're like, okay, I'm ready to take a look at this. When I sat down and wrote out my thoughts about my son leaving on his mission. Like I caught the thought when I was getting in my truck one day, I can't do this and I sat. And then later on that day, cause I was actually going somewhere. I sat down and wrote out. Like any other thoughts? Like what are my thoughts about my son leaving on a mission, going to the specific mission, the dates, whatever. Like, what are my thoughts about him actually going. And I wrote them all out, but the main one. That was causing me so much struggle. I was, I can't do this and I was creating the struggle. And so I was able to let that go and it wasn't, it wasn't serving me because we were doing this. And so a lot of times we create our own struggle. By the thoughts that were entertaining. And some of them, like I mentioned, are not running consciously. And so being able to bring those subconscious ones up to the surface so that you can have a look at them. All right, you guys. That's what I have for you today. Thought audits. Very, very helpful. You can do them on just about anything. And they have been very effective for me, and I hope that they are effective for you. So go out and put some goodness into the world this week. Bye bye now.