55: Emotional Awareness

Life as a missionary mom can feel overwhelming—balancing emotions, family, and the ever-present “what ifs.” In this episode, we dive into understanding and managing your nervous system, starting with mapping where you are emotionally and physically.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• How your nervous system operates and why it can’t tell the difference between burned toast and the house burning down.
• The importance of identifying your emotional “you are here” point and understanding your body’s cues.
• Simple questions to ask yourself daily to increase self-awareness and emotional regulation.
• How becoming grounded helps you show up better for your missionary, family, and yourself.
• Why observing emotions—yours and others’—is key to managing relationships and supporting growth.

Whether your missionary is thriving or struggling, understanding your nervous system equips you to offer calm, steady support without internalizing their challenges. Growth is messy, but with awareness and grace, you can navigate the chaos with confidence.

Mentioned in This Episode:

• Tips for staying grounded before a call with your missionary.
• Recognizing and respecting your missionary’s emotions without jumping in to fix them.
• Why it’s okay—and helpful—to allow struggle as part of growth.

Take a moment today to pause, breathe, and ask: Where am I emotionally, and how do I feel in my body? Small steps like these make all the difference.

Follow the podcast for more weekly episodes. See you next time! 💛

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Transcript

0:29

Hello and welcome to the podcast. We go through a lot of emotions when we have kids on missions or other things going on in our life. I know right now I'm sandwiched between my parents are starting to age and having health issues. And. You know, my, my children are growing up. I have to serving on missions. So at times there seems to be a lot of things going on and a lot of emotions coming up. And so I really wanted to give you guys some help. And figuring out like where your at specifically. So your nervous system is scanning the environment all the time. Looking for danger, trying to keep you alive, trying to keep you safe. And it sends signals to the brain, which creates thoughts. And thoughts create emotions, and then you take actions and these things happen really quick. The problem is that our nervous system's job is to keep you alive. So it doesn't know the difference between burn toast and the house burning down. But you can start to send signals. By getting to know where you are currently with your emotions and being a lot more intentional. As other things come up so that you can observe what's happening. So the best way to do this is to start out by mapping. Where you are currently. So it's kind of like when you go into the mall, And you're wanting to go to a store that you're not sure where you came in it in the mall. And you're not sure exactly where that store is located. So you find the little kiosk that says you are here. That's what we're doing. We want to know what your starting point is and where you are currently. So a couple of questions you can ask yourself. R, what are the top three emotions or feelings that you think that you are feeling on a daily basis? So, whatever those are, those are the we're not judging them. We are just writing those down as to what we feel like those are, or we think they are on a daily basis. And then we want to also write down. Why do you think those are the ones that you feel most often. So when I had little kids. I think that the feelings that I felt on the daily basis were different than what I feel now. So with little kids I felt sometimes I felt lonely because I didn't have any kind of adult conversation. I also felt. Frustrated, probably on a daily basis because you know how little kids like make messes everywhere they go. And you're constantly cleaning. Anyway. So those are some of the ones that, that I felt then now. More of the emotions that I feel are. I feel a lot more calm and content. I have a lot more peace in my life because I've been very intentional. And I don't have a lot of interactions with. My adult children on a daily, you know, everyday basis. So there's a lot, it just feels a lot different. Not that other, other emotions don't come up because they do for sure. But just, what do I feel on a daily basis? And then being able to close your eyes and being very keenly aware. Of what is happening in your body. And getting into those emotions on a really deep level, instead of trying to rush away from them. So one of the emotions that I have started to feel more often is loneliness because my last son is serving a mission. I'm an empty-nester. It's a transition I've been parenting for 28 years. All of a sudden I'm no longer parenting. So I've started to feel like this loneliness. And I noticed that when I feel lonely, I start to scroll like social media or I will get on and watch Netflix and especially in the evenings because I'm starting. You know, I'm starting to get tired. I'm not usually thinking with my prefrontal cortex at that point. I'm looking for some instant gratification. So I was able to like, pause all that and just lay down, close my eyes. Try and find where the loneliness shows up. Where, where do I feel it very keenly in my body. And sometimes if a motion is really big, it's hard to sit with. So even if you gave yourself like a time limit, when you start this. It's helpful, especially with like anxiety. If you can set a timer. And you can be very keenly aware. Of what is happening inside your body. So you do have to take some really deep breaths sometimes and be able to calm yourself down just enough. That you can observe. So an example, when I feel anxious. I have a lot of vibration. That's what it feels like is like a vibration in my quads or my thighs. And I've learned over the years of like OBS or you. You know, observing myself. That my quads or my thighs hold a lot of emotions for me. Some people that's their neck, their upper back. I also feel anxiety. In my jaw. I started to clinch my job. If I'm feeling excited. I can start to feel like kind of fluttering in my stomach. Or even around my heart. And everybody is different and none of this is wrong. It's just like when you bring home a newborn baby. You have to get to know that baby has totally, totally different ways of soothing, different ways of. You know, cues that it's, you know, this baby sends you. Then your other children, because they're all so different. And all our nervous systems are a little bit different. So there's no judgment in any of this. It's just a matter of like, where am I? Currently. And then being able to ask yourself, is this burn toast or is this the house burning down now, your brain is going to think. That the house is burning down. Initially every time. That is where I started. If there was like a conflict, I felt like I was going to die on every hill. And everything felt like the house was burning down. But when you slow down and you become an observer of what's happening in your body with your emotions and like what's going on, it also helps you cue to your nervous system. That you're safe and that you're not in immediate danger and this is very, very helpful. To give you start to give you some awareness. And these shifts happen slowly and they happen. Over time. And it's a, it's a process. And it's we've, we've never like really given ourselves the credit that we need. In order to like, get to know ourselves. But if you can do that, then you can really be supportive of yourself and your nervous system. You can be supportive. Of your missionary. And the way that you're showing up. Isn't a more grounded, supportive state. And it's also help helpful with dealing with younger kids. Older kids, adult kids your spouse. Your friends. Church callings and. Coworkers, anybody else that you interact with? The other thing that's helpful is if you start to observe it in you, then you can start to really see it in other people. So you can see when your missionary calls and they're in an activated state. Because when they are in an activated state with their nervous system, something's going wrong or something happened that week or something, or the companion, whatever it is. Then we have mirror neurons in our brain. And we start to mirror those emotions. So then we start getting anxious as well. But if you have started to observe and you know where you're at and you can be an observer of them. And then you don't have to get into the middle of their emotions. Or try to manage them in any way, because they're entitled to their own emotions. So I've recently been talking to some friends. And one of the things that I've heard is they've said things like, I don't want my missionaries to struggle. I just want my kids. To have a regular normal life. And I was like, kind of fascinated and we kind of chuckled about it. Cause I was like, I mean, what's normal. And why would we alleviate the struggle? So there's going to be times that they do. Struggle. Our younger kids are going to come home from school sometimes upset. They're going to be crying. We don't have to be upset and crying with them. We can start to observe like how we want to show up. Is this the hill that we want to die on? Is this something that we need to interfere with or is this burn toast? And can we start to regulate ourselves better? So that we show up better. And that really helps model for our missionaries, our younger kids, even our adult children, that being calm and being able to. Be aware of what's happening, that models, that behavior for them. So I feel like when my older kids were younger. I was. I have very reactionary and I started to get a lot of headway on this as I became more and more aware, and I started practicing these. And so consequently, my younger kids got a very. A different version of me. And so now our relationship is a lot more grounded. But sometimes when they call me and I can see that they're activated and I will ask, is there. Do you have, like, are you open to me asking you some questions? And they will immediately shut me down. Absolutely not. I just need you to hear me. That is totally okay. Nothing's gone wrong. Normally what's happening is if we are trying to fix things, it's because we are uncomfortable with our own discomfort. About whatever it is that they are struggling with. So just be aware of where you're at, be aware of where they're at. Notice are they activated? Are they not? And when, when I say activated there's team hyper, there's also team hypo. If they're in a constant state of depression or, you know confusion. Then that, you know, that's also a state in your nervous system. Being aware so that you're kind of mapping where they're at. When my son first got to Zimbabwe a few of our phone calls, I could tell he was very activated because he was talking louder than he normally does. And talking very fast. And. So that just gave me an opportunity to just listen and to be present for him and let him. I have the opportunity to really process through some of those emotions that he was feeling. And I didn't have to go in and solve them. But it's hard to do that if you're not aware of your own emotions. So that's why it's so critical and so important for you to be very aware of what's happening for you. And your starting point. And then where you want to go and how you want to show up. And I always think it's helpful. Right before. One of my. Kids. Calls. I try to say a prayer that morning with a lot of intention. I also try to be very aware of where I'm at that morning. Like if I haven't slept or if I have so that I can tend to myself a little bit so that I can be very grounded when they call. So then I'm in a better position. To help them. And it is messy. Growth is messy. And so missions, consequently are messy. And so just be aware that that's okay and that we don't have to change any of that. So you can just have that. Awareness of you and that grace, and then also the awareness for them and grace. And you'll be able to start to see on them. What's happening. And also on your other kids. So, this is all very helpful information. So I hope that you take time to like slow it down and ask yourself these questions. And start to get to know yourself. And even if you just, once a day are able to stop for a minute or two. And like, what am I feeling right now? And where is it in my body? And. And I just do a full body scan. So that you can start to really create that awareness. All right. You guys thank you so much for joining me. I really appreciate all of you and the listeners that have. Followed me. So make sure you keep me in the follow button so that you get every week. And we will see you next week. Bye bye.