Discover Fresh Perspectives
A series of short conversations, sometimes with myself, usually with others, that provide an opportunity to see every day events through different perspectives. The intent is to open up new possibilities for personal and organizational growth!
Discover Fresh Perspectives
Unlocking Self Leadership with Liz Doyle Harmer: Building Vision, Compassion, and Inner Strength
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Welcome back to Discover Fresh Perspectives. Today, host David Gouthro sits down with special guest Liz Doyle Harmer for a compelling conversation about the often-overlooked art of self leadership. Drawing on wisdom from classic resources like Stephen Covey and real-world experiences as a coach, facilitator, and parent of four, Liz Doyle Harmer explores what it means to lead oneself in today's distraction-filled culture.
Together, they discuss the key differences between self-leadership and traditional leadership, the impact of inner critics, and how self compassion and high personal standards can shape both our own lives and the ways we influence others. Whether you're a parent, a team leader, or simply someone striving for personal growth, this episode offers actionable insights on creating an authentic vision for your life, increasing self-awareness, and building daily habits that empower you to lead yourself—and, ultimately, others—more effectively.
A Bit About Liz Doyle Harmer
Liz Doyle Harmer is a passionate advocate for self-leadership, emphasizing its critical importance in today's often distracting culture. Reflecting on Stephen Covey's timeless classic, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Liz points to the enduring value of the first three habits, all centred on leading oneself.
She believes that, despite society's increasing distractions and temptations to focus elsewhere, the foundational skills of self-leadership remain as relevant and challenging now as they were decades ago. Through her work and insights, Liz inspires others to cultivate meaningful practices that bring direction and fulfillment to their lives.
Liz Doyle Harmer's LinkedIn Profile
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Are you stuck in the same old routine at work? Do you find yourself hitting a creative wall, unable to see beyond your current perspective? It's time to break free and unlock the power of fresh perspectives. Welcome back to Discover Fresh Perspectives. David Guthrow here, and today I have the pleasure of having as my guest Liz Doyle Harmer. Welcome, Liz. Hi, David. Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to be here. So, and I'm excited to have you. It's nice when it works out that way. I'm all about win-win. So I've, you know, I've had a number of people on this podcast talking about leadership. But what I liked about what you had suggested and what your area of interest in is self-leadership. So maybe you could just tell us a little bit about what you mean by self-leadership.
SPEAKER_00I think self-leadership is a really underrated area of focus and skill in our culture today. I actually just reread the book, uh Stephen Cubby's Seven Habits. And he he talks all about the first three chapters or the first three habits are all about leading yourself. And um I was so surprised at how that book has just withstood the test of time. And how everything he said back then are still these practices and these habits that really can bring a lot of meaning to our life if we if we practice them today. And what what I think about self-leadership, I really think is this ability to be able to lead ourselves in a culture which has become even harder to lead ourselves in because of the distractability, because of the, you know, just look at this shiny object. Um, I think it's a skill that was challenged 40 years ago when Stephen Cumming wrote the book, and it's still a skill that's challenged today.
SPEAKER_02So, so just maybe to concretize this a bit if we can, I want you to think of uh two individuals, two, you know, archetypes or avatars, whatever. One person exercises self-leadership, the other does not. How might we recognize that in actual practice?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's a great question. Um so when I think of self-leadership, I think it's the ability to know what you care about, a meaningful future, a meaningful vision that you want to work towards, and then be able to lead yourself towards that. And really that means the ability to overcome internal distractions, our own emotions, our own fears, our own limiting beliefs, and external distractions, everything that the culture is giving us. And so if someone has gained some skillfulness in that area, there's somebody that um is waking up in the morning, you know, clear on what's meaningful for them to do today. There's somebody who has some self-awareness about themselves, their own limiting patterns, their own limiting beliefs, and is aware of when that shows up and is able to work through those uh in a helpful and productive way. It's somebody who's um not distracted by social media um or Netflix um or any of the other things or the shopping, you know. I walk into a grocery store and I have I'm here to get one thing, and I walk out with 30 things because of the way this is merchandised and buy this and get that. So somebody who's who's able to, you know, withstand that in a meaningful way. Um someone who's um uh I think it's increasingly someone who's leading themselves with a degree of self-kindness and self-compassion and self-care. Um, and I think when we are disconnected from self-leadership, we're we're busy, but we're not productive, right? We're doing a lot of stuff, but does it actually add up to what we want it to do? Who knows?
SPEAKER_02We're so let's look at that from what let's so let's say we're now watching a movie of someone who has zero self-leadership. What are we seeing in that movie? And you you started to to address that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So, you know, I picture somebody waking up sort of low energy, right? Dragging themselves out of bed. And you know, what's to do today? First thing, maybe looking at the phone and then reacting to whatever showed up on their phone rather than waking up with their own agenda of this is what's meaningful today, this is what I'm gonna work towards. So they're already starting in a place of reactivity rather than uh creation, rather than creation. And so waking up, what's the phone say? Right away, feeling like I'm behind the eight ball, all this stuff is coming at me. I gotta deal with all this stuff. Um, and then going through their day, responding to things, getting things done. They're super busy and productive necessarily, but not feeling like it's actually adding up to that future vision that they care about. Um, I'd say we also what I see a lot of is um kind of leading ourselves with this inner critical voice, this inner critical voice, which I think is not a helpful way of leading ourselves. And I see a lot of that.
SPEAKER_02So, you know, just a moment of reflection for those that are listening. So you've just heard those those two. So some of the demonstrate self-leadership, someone that does not. And so if you had to put yourself at one end of that spectrum or another, where would you put yourself? First question, as you're thinking about that. Second question, if you're at the self-leadership stage, you know, how do you ensure you don't take that for granted and stay there? If you're happy with the not being in the self-leadership, you're comfortable with that, that's cool. But if you want to actually move the other direction towards self-leadership, pay close attention to what we chat about next, because there might be some thoughts on how to go go about doing that. So before we get into that conversation, sorry, I should pause for people to think about that. Okay, hands on the steering wheel. Okay. So, Liz, tell me a little bit about your uh your practice, what you do, and how you came to the focus on self-leadership of one of the perspectives that you hold on to and feel is important. How did you get to be here and get to be you?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So my um, I've always been one of those annoying kids that kind of ask deep questions right from the beginning, right? Like I would go to my mom and and just ask her, like, what's the purpose of life? Why are we here? You know. Um I I always wanted to know that. Um, and my mom is a wonderful, wonderful woman, but um the answers she gave me were informed by the religion we followed, which was Catholicism. And so um the answer was we're here just to um sort of get through this life so that we can get to heaven after. You know, that's the purpose. And uh that didn't really sit the best with me because I was like, we have this whole life here. Like, really, we're just kind of waiting until we get into heaven after. And if I do things okay here now, then maybe the rewards will come later in this afterlife. And um, I didn't, I didn't really love those quests, the answer that I that I got there. So I started, we were talking about uh Stephen Covey earlier. At a very early age, I started reading like Stephen Covey books, Tony Robbins books, like just starting to understand different ways of leading and guiding ourselves. I got really interested in in yoga, which is actually a path of self-leadership, and the way we teach it here in North America, it's all about shaping the body, but there's more to it. Um and um and then I I eventually landed in my current career, which is coaching and facilitating and facilitating leadership journeys. And what I've learned is that the way we lead ourselves impacts our ability to um one, have success and joy and fulfillment in our own life, but also impacts how we lead others, surprisingly. Um and so even something like an inner critic, if we have an inner critic and we're leading ourselves with this really harsh, you're not good enough, what's wrong with you voice, people a lot of times people think, well, that's just me. It just affects me. It's not a big deal. It doesn't affect the way I lead the team. But I actually see it does affect the way you lead the team.
SPEAKER_02So, okay, so I've I've got a whole pile of different questions. So I'm gonna go all over the place here. So if this is a structured interview, I'd be embarrassed, but but it's not, so I'm not. So, you know, you're a parent, you have four kids, I believe. That's that's a full load. So when you think about self-leadership, is that something that a parent can start to instill in their children? And if so, how do you do that? And at what's what stage, if if it's even possible to be intentional about that and curious?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think so. I I think it I think it's you know, I am I I um I'm always interested at how the um everything that is good about parenting, like the best style of parenting actually overlaps almost perfectly with the best style of leadership. Like the principles are almost exactly the same. Um and you know, so it as a parent, there's kind of two things that come to mind for me. So one is um parenting your child in a way that's gonna support their peak potential, right? So then it's basically two things. It's basically two things. Okay, did you have a question?
SPEAKER_02No, I was just pausing for a moment to think, okay, I'm ready. Number one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's basically two things. So one is um um setting my standards, and two is unconditional love. It's it's the same two things, right? So as a parent, if I want to introduce my child to them leading themselves, there's there's kind of two things we want to be aware of. One, how am I relating to my child? And two, how can I support them in leading themselves? So if I think about how am I relating to my child, I want to one have high standards and two, love them unconditionally. That is that is my role. That is my role as a parent. And the research tell tells us that when we can balance those two things well as a parent, and it's not easy, but when we can balance those two things as well, as um well as a parent, that is the best way to parent your child. When I think about how do we help our child actually lead themselves, right? Because in the beginning of parenting, we're pretty heavy-handed, right? We're do this, do that, that's it.
SPEAKER_01It's about survival.
SPEAKER_00Yes, exactly. We have to keep them safe and alive. We have to be providing that prefrontal cortex for them so that we can make decisions for them, telling them what to do. And then eventually over time, ideally, we're we're taking more of a back roll. Um, and they're taking more of a front role. And I got that wrong with my first child. Let me say that. I tried to, I was heavy-handed for a bit too long, and she definitely told me, hey, mom, it's time to back off. Um, but then I think it's really, you know, um, how do we help them start to clarify for themselves what is actually meaningful for them? Right. What are the things that they actually care about? What are the things that um what's their unique path in this lifetime, right? That they might want to walk on for themselves. And what are the limiting fears that they might have that get in their way?
SPEAKER_02So I think so much of this, like so much of this I was totally unaware of. I'm I, you know, I'm I'm not embarrassed to admit it, but with with like our daughter's 26 now. And like every time I hear this, I kind of go, oh, didn't do that, didn't do that, didn't do that, didn't do that. But we move on. So the things you described that you do as a challenge. So how how do those two pieces convert and and get uh enabled or enacted as a leader working in an organization?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and just so I'm clear, which two pieces did you mean?
SPEAKER_02The Well, there's the unconditional love, right? With right.
SPEAKER_00So Yeah, great question. Uh and so first of all, I really I I want to celebrate you and the way you acknowledged things you didn't do as well in the past. I have that as well with my first girl, who's 20. And I can't tell you the amount of times I'm like, oh geez, if only I could have done it this way in the past, right?
SPEAKER_02And I think it's a- and giving some advice to our parents, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I want to appreciate you the way you did that, but it was it wasn't because I know for me, when I recognize a mistake I made in the past, I can very quickly go down a rabbit hole of shame and regret and guilt and oh my goodness, why you know, and that doesn't help anybody. It really doesn't, right? Learn the lesson and how can I carry it forward? And even with a daughter who's 26, and I would say even with a daughter of mine who's 20, I was still thinking about how she's still got a lot of life to live. I still have a lot of life to live. Neither one of us have it figured out. So how can I support her going forward? Right? How can I support her going forward? Um, and for me, one of the things I'm thinking about as a parent is um seeing the future vision of them, like the highest potential version of them that I imagine for them. Um and actually parenting to that version of them, like what's actually their highest potential. Uh, and I think that actually corresponds almost exactly with what we see in team leadership and management. As a manager, your role is to see the highest potential of your teammates. That's really what you should be doing, is seeing not the person they are now, but the person they're capable of growing into. That's your role. That's how you're gonna get the best of the team, right? We all need that.
SPEAKER_02So uh and you know, coming back to self-love now, is that not the objective as well for us? Like when I get up in the morning, well, what is what does you know unconditional love look like when I'm reflecting on myself and thinking about self-leadership? How does that play itself out without it seeming, you know, arrogant or detached from reality or or whatever?
SPEAKER_00I love that question, David. I think it's such a good question. Um so uh for me, I'm actually actively practicing every day a self-love guided meditation for myself. So I have a very deeply ingrained inner critic. So the way I've been leading myself for the first half of my life is with a harsh inner critic. What's wrong with you? That's not good enough. You didn't do that right, you know, you're you you should feel really badly, like this harsh inner critic. And the the belief in there was I need to be hard on myself in order to do better. Right? That's that's pretty much at the heart of most people's inner critics is this belief of if I'm hard on myself, then I'll do better. And um so what I would say is if you recognize this for yourself, that you have an inner critic, first of all, just actually get curious about that. Is your inner critic helping you do better? Is it helping you do better? And uh so just notice for yourself whether it's actually working. And what I would offer is that um Kristen Neff's research on self-compassion, what she has found is that people who are actually self-kind to themselves, self-compassionate to themselves, they actually go further. And the reason for that is because when you have this Hersh inner critic, you actually avoid doing the really big and scary and challenging things because if you can't do it, you know you're gonna get an inner beater beating later on. So that you just you actually avoid doing these things. And her research, what it says is that people who have actually practiced this self-kindness, self-love, self-worthiness, um, they actually go further because they're like, hey, I know that I'm gonna be there for myself. I'm gonna have this unconditional love for myself. I'm still gonna have the high standard, right? I still want to go after this, but I'm gonna also have this unconditional love for myself. Even if I fail, I'm there for me.
SPEAKER_02So that triggers a whole pile of other questions that I'm I'm reflecting on now. And I'm just thinking, you know, and going back to the relationship between uh self-leadership and leading others, the question just occurred to me is how does the way I feel about myself influence how I treat others? And is that effective? And, you know, because I think I think it'd be pretty easy to say, well, I think it's really important to uh, you know, to treat others with respect to all those other kinds of things. I personally I don't think I deserve it. And it seems to me that that could create a lot of inner inner conflict, right? That incongruity, that lack of alignment.
SPEAKER_00I love that. That's exactly what it is. It's it's incongruous, right? And we we sense that we notice it. And and I would also say it's ineffective. And and what I would say is that um so Tasha Yurik is a positive psychologist. She says 95% of us think we're self-aware, only 10 to 15% of us are. So a lot of times the ways we think we are, we think it's working, you know, double check that because it might not actually be working. And so one pattern I've seen around this, the inner critic, because I because I it seems, I think it's quite common. So we lead ourselves with this harsh inner critical voice, right? And we think we're being kind to others, or we're definitely trying to be kind to others, and we think it's not a big deal if I'm hard on myself, right? Because I figured out a way to be kind to everybody else. And so, first of all, what I would say is just check yourself. 95% of us think we're self-aware, only 10, 15, 15% of us are. And what I've noticed instead is when we have this like harsh inner way of leading ourselves, when it comes to leading others, two things happen. We either bring that criticism out on them, right? Like I'm hard on myself, I'm gonna be hard on you, right? That happens, or we have this coddling response for others. I'm hard on me. I don't want that for you. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna coddle you. I'm gonna be like, I'm not gonna expect too much of you. I'm gonna be overly kind to you. I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not gonna demand too much. So I I see that in in leaders as well, doing too much for them, not expecting them, coddling their team. And I I believe it comes down to they haven't reconciled this way of leading themselves. And if they did that, they'd lead their team more effectively.
SPEAKER_02I have a hunch, and again, I may be projecting here, that the way that people treat others as a reflection of themselves is largely unconscious. They're not even aware of it. Right. And so as long as they remain unaware, there's nothing they can do about it and still keep, you know, tripping over the same thing every time. So I guess my my question would be if you wanted to be on a path of self-leadership, what are some starting points? And are are there some natural steps? And just thinking of people that are listening, thinking, oh, you know, yeah, I do that. What I really want to get better, but I don't know where to start. So if you have any suggestions around that, that would be very helpful.
SPEAKER_00So I I think it's helpful to have a vision for your life, right? And it doesn't even have to be like your whole life, but for the next five to 10 years, to have some vision that inspires you, that excites you, that maybe even terrifies you a little bit. And for that vision to be internally sourced. So coming from you, not from your parents, not from what culture told you or society expects of you, but actually an internally sourced vision that feels authentic and meaningful to you, that you care about. I think that's a helpful step one. And and just even to ask yourself like, do I do I have that for myself? Right? Is there a meaningful future that I want to work towards in my my health, my family, my relationships, my career? Is that clear to me? Right. And and that's the first step is to spend some time clarifying that for yourself.
SPEAKER_02Okay, that's one. I'm looking for 15 steps here, Liz.
SPEAKER_0015 steps. The next one I would offer is to start to observe yourself. So going back to what I said about the low self-awareness that most of us have, um start to observe yourself. So, what are the ways in which I might be getting in my own way? So we tend, you know, going back to Steve and Covey, we tend to overfocus on what's happening outside us and under focus on what's happening inside us, what's within our control. And if we just spend more of our time focusing on how we are getting in our own way, you can change a lot just by focusing on that. And so there's a couple of ways you might do that. One is okay, once I've clarified my vision, well, how might I begin? Getting in my own way with regards to that vision. So, you know, even a simple example. I really care about um having um uh deep, meaningful connection in my relationships with my children. And I'm working till 9 p.m. every night, not making time for them.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yes, there's demands of your workplace, but what's within your control around that? How are you getting in your own way? You're the one working till 9 p.m., right? You're the one making that choice. Um, so that's one thing, is just in relationship to your vision, how are you getting in your own way? And then I would also say is any kind of pattern like imposter syndrome, self-doubt, inner criticism, perfectionism, people pleasing. You know, I've had all of them. So you've got them, no judgment. This is not your most effective self-leadership.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00It just is not. And so you need to figure out a way to work with this pattern. You will lead yourself more effectively once you're past this.
SPEAKER_02So we've got have a sense uh of of your internal vision. Yeah, observe yourself to me, which is about mindfulness, where are you getting in your own way? Where's the gap between what you say is important to you and what you actually do? Like if you looked at your calendar, how do you actually spend your time, like the nine o'clock still working? Uh, you know, one of the uh the groups that I that I host is on stoicism.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Or professional speakers. And one of the key principles is that is you know, be clear in what you could do, something about what you can't, and don't spend a lot of time on on the other two. That's that's pretty significant. And sort of recognizing the patterns and acknowledging those that support and and those that don't. And you know, another thing occurred to me is that the overlap between the courses where we teach people how to effectively lead others, if you were to turn it inwards, have tremendous value as well. Like many years ago, uh Kuzes and Poster wrote a book called The Leadership Challenge. And part of a consulting group was that we developed that into a leadership program for uh for IBM, Canada and Corporate, and for one of the banks. And what, you know, the five practices, I'm just thinking about them now, apply to self-leadership. So someone's modeling the way. So that's kind of like does my behavior match up with what I say is important to me? Second one was inspiring a shared vision, which you just articulated as the first one. How do I do that for myself? Challenging the process. So, what are the processes? How do I go about living my life? And what are the things that need to be challenged there? Enabling others to act. So, what are the supports that I need to put in place for myself for my family? And encouraging the heart, like not waiting for perfection, but as you know, as you're making steps. And those apply equally well, it seems, to self-leadership as they would to leading others. And I think one of the points that I think you're making is that it's really hard to do an effective job of leading others if you're not aware of and conscious of and focused on leading yourself.
SPEAKER_00I think so. And and you also thought about you you talked about stoicism, right? Which is really that's a that's a methodology for self-leadership, right? You're reflecting on yourself, you're using virtues to guide yourself. That that is a methodology for self-leadership. And I I think that might be why we're seeing um more of a return to stoicism in our culture right now. I think people are wanting that. I think religion in a way offered us a way of leading ourselves, but there were some flaws. I'll speak about the religion I was raised in, um, with you know, some of the structures that were happening. Um and people kind of turned away from it. But I think we've thrown the baby with the out with the bathwater. We've lost that that the moral compass and that that internal reflection and that self-observation and a deeper questioning of how do I want to be in this world. Um, and I think these are important things to return to.
SPEAKER_02Now I'm taking a wild guess here that perhaps you work with people to help them develop your own self-leadership. So we'll make sure your contact information is in the program notes. But Liz, if if I was your client, if I came to you and said, okay, uh Liz, I, you know, I really I don't think I'm being as effective a leader as as I could be. How would you work with me? You know, just as a as just to give people a sense of what that looks like when someone wants to develop your own self-leadership.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So I've got a free diagnostic on my website, which can be a good place to start. Um, so just to assess your own self-leadership, I think there's 10 or 12 metrics on there. Um, and so we'd start with taking a look at that and see what are the growth areas. Um, I find for most people it starts with vision, right? So what is what is the vision? Um, the way I approach vision, it's not with our thinking mind. Uh a vision. So that sitting down and you know, pen to paper and just like getting into tunnel vision mode of what's my vision? What's my purpose? Why am I here? That's you're not gonna get any good answers from there. Believe me. I know it, I've tried it. Um we actually need to first shift our state. Let's get you into a grounded and resourceful state. Let's get you into a state of imagination and possibility and creation and connect you with the most grounded and resourceful version of you. And when we do that, then we ask, what's possible for you? Um so the first that's where I would start first is getting you into a state of grounded and resourcefulness. And let's ask that version of you what your vision is. That's the one I want to speak to, and clarifying our vision from there. And then um starting to look at well, what are the internal patterns, right? The old, the outdated limiting beliefs, the old stories about your identity and who you are and the rules you should be following that get in the way of this authentically sourced vision that we just came up with, right? That's what, and so we want to resolve that tension between the future you and where you're going and the past historical you that's running on past outdated programs. We want to, yeah, exactly. We want to resolve that tension between those two parts of you.
SPEAKER_02Um, now I'm gonna I'm gonna guess that there's some people that would say, yeah, this self-leadership is all really good, but I'm too busy leading other people. So what if you had to make the hard pragmatic business case, what's the return on investment for stepping back and and well, like Cavi would say, sharpen the saw. So what's what's in it for a person to just kind of take a hard look and say, you know what, this has been an excuse I've been using forever. What's the return on investment for them in any sense for developing a stronger sense of self-leadership?
SPEAKER_00Oh, I I love it. I'll give you a quick answer and then a more deeper example. So the quick answer I would give is it's it's kind of like meditation, where you know, people are like, I'm too busy to meditate, and then they're like, well, you need to take a day then, right? If you're too busy for 10 minutes, you need a day. Like it's it's kind of like that. If you're too busy for self-leadership, you know, if you don't have a couple minutes, then you you likely need longer. Um, but I'll give you an example of just the inner critic and how even this is an ineffective way of using your limited time, mental, and emotional energy. So, because what I've seen with the inner critic pattern is that so these people who have an a harsh inner critic, they'll spend their part of their day in this, like, come on, what's wrong with you, drive, go, push mode. And then what happens at the end of the day is because this is too much, they ping pong to almost this like I talked about the inner clock coddler with the team, but they almost go into this like inner coddling themselves, right? Where at the end of the day, we're all into um the distractions, the the Instagram reels, the the snack eating, you know, of sugary snacks that aren't healthy for us, the um, you know, binge watching of Netflix, right? We can't, if when we're at an extreme of a polarity, and I would say inner criticism is an extreme of a polarity, then we're gonna go all the way to the other end, which is this like coggling, you need a break, you need to take it easy, right? And what I would say is from a time management perspective, these this is an ineffective use of time, right? When we're too hard on ourselves and then we need hours to binge out at the end of the night, this is an ineffective use of time. And if we can actually find the middle path, which again, I I would say is this I'm compassionate to myself and I have high standards for myself, that's the middle path between these these these two polarities. This is a more effective use of time. You have less extremes, less ping pong, less I'm high energy, and here I'm burning out and I'm crashing at the end of the night, and more sustainable progression. So I would say that's the payoff.
SPEAKER_02So uh just to set an expectation for people that are that are listening, I'm pretty sure that you don't listen to this podcast and go self-leadership, I'm for that. Flip the switch, I'm now gonna be, you know, uh leader myself. What's sort of the a realistic range of of time? And I realize there's lots of variables still, for a person to work on their self-leadership, because it's not a flip the switch, maybe a lifetime, but just to give people a sense, you know, if you really want to develop self-leadership, here's some things you can think about in terms of time complexity, things like that.
SPEAKER_00I I love that question. And I would say I think it is a practice for life, right? We're always emerging and evolving. And the way I figure it, if I'm still on this planet, there's still more for me to learn, right? I haven't hit nirvana yet. I'm still here, still learning and growth. So I I think about just win the day, right? And so what I mean by that is in the morning, set really just take a moment. How do I want to lead myself today? Right? What is what is it I want to? And so that can be um an intention you want to set, that can be a value you want to orient towards, that can be, you know what, I'm clear on my vision, I want to make this happen today. Just set for set set your um design your day in the morning. What would success look like for me today? And then at the end of the day, so it's it's a bookending practice, something in the morning, and then at the end of the day, reflect. How did I do? Where did I get distracted? And also where, you know, what are some patterns that I'm noticing about myself that I might be curious about? Right? Like I I said I was going to um um make time for my child today and I I didn't again. Wow, that's curious. What's that about? Right? Or um I said I was going to um work on that really, you know, important project at work that I'm a little bit scared about that I know could have a good, a big payoff, but I don't quite know how to do it, and I avoided it again. Huh. Interesting. Now, what's that about? Just start to observe that. You'll start to see themes and patterns. And over time, you can you'll be increasing your self-awareness. So the the goal is not to set your intention and do everything perfectly. The goal is to set your intention, start practicing this idea of you know getting clear around what's meaningful and important for you today, and also observe yourself and start to see your own patterns. That's the goal.
SPEAKER_02So that's something that any one person can do. I also assume that because you're a coach, if people wanted to, they could get coach and to help some someone guide them through that. Is that fair?
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah. And yes. And they also have um I call it a daily design habit where it's a three audio that you can get from my website as well. And so it's a guided practice to help get you into a state of resourcefulness and grounding, plan your day from there, and then end of the day check in.
SPEAKER_02So this has been great, Liz. And I'll I'll tell you just just a little bit anecdotal. My something I'm gonna do when I get off this uh this recording of this this conversation. And uh I'm what I'm gonna do is put a little piece of tape on my mirror with this question. Um, how do I commit to leading myself today? Right. And it's about today and it's about about commitment. And then I'll probably have another one probably on the on the kitchen table or wherever I eat. Your second question, how did I do at leading myself today for that constant reflection and where that idea came from? And my my daughter uh ribs me mercilessly about this. I, you know, at one point I I had uh a sticker on all the mirrors in the house. Uh feel more alive at 185, right? Which is a target weight I was shooting for. And she just she laughed at that, but I really found it helpful every morning to look at it and and to pay attention to it. So I think, um, how do I commit to leading myself today? That's maybe something that people anyone that's listening could put on a posted note, just try it out and see what see what the result is. And it's uh, you know, as you said, it's a practice, something that can be lifelong doing these kinds of things.
SPEAKER_00David, I I love that idea. And uh I'll offer just even for myself this morning. I I'm you know, in in terms of noticing our own inner patterns, right? Um at my best, I am I imagine myself empowering and inspiring others. And I noticed that when I go to the gym, I don't always do that. I get into my own little world. I'm not, you know, paying attention to others. I'm just kind of and so there's a part of me that is introverted that is worried about rejected rejection, you know. And so again, these two parts of ourselves, right? The the version that I'm capable of being, and then my old habits that get in the way. And so even, you know, I was like at the gym, I was like, you know what? If I'm committed to empowering and inspiring others, that means I, you know, I cheer other people on. That means, you know, I make sure I high five everybody at the end, you know, just simple things like that. Um, is and it feels very um, it's a one way to practice leading yourself in more moments of your life. And as you do that, you recognize, hey, this is actually fulfilling for me to be living my values in this way.
SPEAKER_02So I think uh you know, part of this is certainly to have that intention is a good start. And and some of us, looking at myself in the mirror, need reminders of of this. And and so I've got a little wooden coin on one side, it says, I can work with this. And as a reminder, no matter what happens, what surprised me, I start from a position of agency, I can work with this. And then, and then on the flip side, it says, I will work with this, different emphasis. So, you know, I'm not at the effect of the things that happen to me. I know that I can, I don't know if I want to, but I start from I can. Same sort of thing of having this on the mirror as a reminder, because I'm visually oriented. So if I don't see it, I forget about it. If I need to remember to bring something, you know, to the office or whatever, I have to put it in the middle of the floor so I trip over it. Otherwise, I forget about it. So for each person out there, you know, to know yourself what you need to do to commit to something and then to help you remain accountable to it. So this has been a great conversation, Liz. It's so nice to have had this time together. Thank you so much for being a guest.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for exploring this perspective and bringing your beautiful curiosity to this call today, David.
SPEAKER_02So, David Guthrow, Discover Fresh Perspectives. Um, the only guarantees that I can uh offer that next week I'll have a different guest with a different perspective on something. Come on back and explore with me. Subscribe now because on Fresh Perspectives, every episode is an opportunity to explore new horizons and redefine what's achievable.