S7 Ep5: Why We React – The Psychology Behind Our Actions

Welcome back to Your Path to Career Success!

In this 19-minute episode, we dive into the fascinating world of human behaviour and unpack why we react the way we do — especially under pressure.

Understanding the psychology behind your responses can transform how you lead, communicate, and make decisions in your career. Whether you're navigating uncertainty, receiving tough feedback, or managing others, learning to respond (rather than react) is a skill every successful leader needs.

🗂 What You’ll Learn in This Episode
• The Science of Reaction – How your brain is wired to protect you, and why that can sometimes hold you back.
• The Role of the Amygdala – What’s really happening in your brain when emotions run high.
• Creating Space to Respond – Simple techniques to pause, reflect, and choose how you want to show up.
• The Link Between Emotion and Decision-Making – How unchecked reactions can derail your strategic thinking.
• Leading With Intent – Why self-awareness is the foundation for authentic, confident leadership.

What next?
A big thank you for tuning in to Your Path To Career Success – where your dreams and your career intertwine!
🦉 Book a free discovery call to explore how my Unlock Your Career Potential coaching programme can support your leadership goals.
🦉 If this episode resonated with you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone ready to lead with intention.
🦉 Interested in working with me 1-2-1? Book a slot here: https://calendly.com/thecareerowl.
🦉 You can also connect with me over on LinkedIn for more career strategy and leadership insights.

Stick around for more episodes that help you grow into the leader you were meant to be.

Useful Resources
🎧 Further Listening & Reading
•Book: Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman – A foundational read on the role of self-awareness and self-regulation in leadership.
•TED Talk: How to Stay Calm When You Know You'll Be Stressed – Daniel Levitin – A practical and engaging explanation of how to plan for emotional triggers.
•Article: The Neuroscience of Leadership – Harvard Business Review – Explores how brain science supports the shift from reactive to reflective leadership.

🛠 Practical Tools & Exercises
•Emotional Triggers Journal: Track what situations spark strong emotional reactions at work and how you responded. Reflect on patterns and identify areas for intentional improvement.
•The 90-Second Rule: Based on Jill Bolte Taylor’s theory – when you feel triggered, pause for 90 seconds to let the emotion pass before choosing how to respond.
•Box Breathing Technique: A simple yet effective breathing method used by Navy SEALs to calm the nervous system and regain control during high-stress moments.

🧠 Coaching Tools You Might Love
•My Unlock Your Career Potential Coaching Programme – Dive deeper into mindset and behavioural change with 1-2-1 support tailored to your leadership journey.

Transcript

 Season 7, Episode 5: Why We React: The Psychology Behind Our Actions

Welcome back to Your Path to Career Success, the podcast that helps you build the skills, confidence, and strategy to thrive in your career. 

I’m Kathryn, your host, and in this episode we are talking about Why We React: The Psychology Behind Our Actions

We all react — to people, pressure, praise, and pain.

But have you ever stopped to ask why?
Why does your heart race when a meeting goes off-script?
Why do you sometimes hold back — or lash out — when you feel under pressure?
And more importantly — how do you get better at understanding and mastering your own reactions?

💬 As Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

So in today’s episode, we’ll cover:
✔️ What triggers your emotional reactions — and why your brain sometimes hijacks your logic
✔️ How to decode your default responses under pressure, stress, and feedback
✔️ The influence of past experiences — how old environments still shape how you show up today
✔️ Practical tools to pause, process and choose better responses in real time
✔️ How emotional awareness builds leadership strength — and helps you lead yourself (and others) with intention

Along the way, I’ll share real examples that have come up again and again in my coaching sessions, in DMs, in conversations with friends… including some of my own — and we’ll reflect on how to go from reacting on autopilot… to responding with confidence and clarity.

💬 Viktor Frankl reminds us: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”

That space is where we grow. That’s where leadership starts.

And you don’t need a title to access it — just awareness, and the willingness to learn.

But before we jump in, I invite you to grab your favourite beverage, find a comfy spot, grab a notebook or just sit back and relax and keep listening for those lightbulb moments to map out your leadership path!

Segment 1: Why We React the Way We Do
Let’s start with what’s really going on under the surface — because reactions don’t come out of nowhere.

Our reactions are often automatic, shaped by the brain’s emotional centre — the amygdala. This tiny almond-shaped part of our brain has one big job: to keep us safe. It’s constantly scanning for threats, deciding in milliseconds whether we need to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn.

The tricky part? It doesn’t always know the difference between a genuine threat and a perceived one. So, someone questioning your idea in a meeting can trigger the same survival response as being chased by a wild animal — at least, as far as your nervous system is concerned.

You feel that punch of adrenaline, your breathing changes, your shoulders tense… and suddenly, the rational, calm part of your brain — the prefrontal cortex — gets pushed to the side. You might lash out, shut down, over-explain, or over-apologise. Not because you’re weak or irrational — but because your brain’s doing what it thinks it must to protect you.

🧠 It’s biology. Not a character flaw.

And I’ve felt this firsthand too. I remember once getting a short, sharp email that just said:
“Can we talk?”

No context. No emoji. No clue.

And my brain ran with it. I thought, What have I done wrong? Am I about to be called out? Have I missed something big?

I felt my heart race and a knot form in my stomach before I even replied. And here’s the kicker — when we finally spoke, it had absolutely nothing to do with me. It was just a casual check-in.

But the reaction? That told me a lot more about my own internal state than the external reality.

This is also exactly the kind of feeling so many of my clients describe during job interviews — particularly at the start, when they’re asked, “Tell me about yourself.” That question can feel like a curveball, even when they’ve prepared for it. I’ve heard people say their mind just goes blank, or they start talking and can’t quite remember what they’re saying, because their nervous system has kicked into overdrive.

It also shows up during competency-based questions — those “Give me an example of a time when…” moments that can make people freeze, even if they know they have good stories to tell.

💬 It’s in these moments that Viktor Frankl’s words ring especially true:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”

That space? It’s often just a few seconds long. But inside it is your opportunity to pause, reflect, and respond — instead of just react.

And the more you practise noticing that space — the more power you give yourself to choose a different way.

Over time, this is how we build what I call response agility — the ability to hold back just long enough 
to ask:
What’s really going on here?
What’s this emotion trying to tell me?
Is this reaction serving me — or sabotaging me?

And if you’ve never had that kind of pause before, don’t worry — it’s a skill, and like any skill, it grows with intention.
So as we continue through this episode, I invite you to think of a recent moment when you reacted in a way you didn’t love. No judgement — just curiosity.

What might have been going on beneath the surface?

Because the way we react isn’t random — it’s rooted. And once we understand those roots, we can change the way we grow.

Segment 2: Strategic Thinking Starts With Self-Awareness
So now that we’ve unpacked why we react the way we do, let’s talk about how to start shifting from that knee-jerk reaction to something more intentional — the kind of thinking that senior leaders are known for: strategic, calm under pressure, able to zoom out and see the bigger picture.

And here’s the thing: strategic thinking doesn’t start with strategy. It starts with self-awareness.

You can’t change the way you show up if you don’t know how you’re showing up in the first place.

That internal shift — from being in the reaction to being aware of the reaction — is the first powerful step.

This is something I explore a lot with clients who are moving into leadership roles or applying for more senior positions. They’ll often say things like:
"I want to sound more confident," or "I need to come across like a leader."

But when we dig a little deeper, what’s really happening is they’re still stuck in a reactive mindset — second-guessing themselves, over-preparing, replaying past mistakes, or waiting for external validation to feel safe.

And I get it — especially if you’ve ever been in environments where you had to prove yourself constantly. That hyper-vigilance becomes a habit. But strategic thinking needs space. It needs quiet. 

And most of all, it needs trust — in yourself, and in your ability to course-correct if needed.

🧩 One practical shift you can make is moving from “What does this mean about me?” to “What’s really needed here?”

Let’s say you’re in an interview, and you’re asked a question you didn’t expect. Your amygdala kicks in — you panic, your mind blanks. But what if, just for a second, you paused and thought:
"What’s the question behind the question?"
"What are they really trying to understand about me?"

That simple reframe moves you out of fear and into purpose.

That’s the foundation of strategic thinking — being able to pause, process, and respond with clarity.

💬 One of my favourite questions to offer clients in high-pressure moments is:
“If I were already in the role, how would I answer this?”

It helps them shift into ownership, into that future vision of themselves — the one who is already belonging in the room.
Because here's the truth: when you're reacting, you're usually trying to survive. But when you're thinking strategically, you're leading. You're making decisions not just for now, but for what's next.

And that doesn't just help you in an interview — it transforms the way you handle difficult conversations, navigate team dynamics, and even respond to ambiguity.

🧠 Self-awareness is the gateway. Strategic thinking is the result.

💬 Brené Brown said it best: “People are hard to hate close up. Move in.” That includes yourself. Get closer to your reactions. Understand where they come from. It’s not about blame — it’s about compassion.

So if you want to think like a leader — start by noticing when you're reacting like someone who's still 
trying to prove they deserve to be there. That awareness alone opens up a new level of power.

Segment 3: Recognising Your Decision-Making Habits
So now that we’ve talked about self-awareness and strategic thinking, let’s move into something that’s often underestimated but absolutely crucial: your decision-making habits.

Because here’s the truth: most of us think we’re making conscious decisions…

But we’re often just running old scripts.

We make decisions based on comfort, past experiences, fear of getting it wrong, or what we think we “should” do — not what actually serves us in the moment.

And that makes sense — we’re human. The brain is designed to conserve energy, so it loves to rely on patterns. But leadership — and career growth — require us to break free from those autopilot responses.

So the question becomes:
🔍 What’s driving your decisions?
Are they values-led — or fear-led?
Are you deciding from a place of clarity — or from pressure?

I’ll give you an example. A client of mine was offered a promotion into a leadership role but kept delaying giving a firm yes. On paper, it was everything she’d been working toward — but she found herself procrastinating, overthinking, even hoping they’d take the offer back.

When we unpacked it, she realised she wasn’t questioning the role — she was questioning her readiness. Her decision-making wasn’t about facts — it was about fear.

Once we named that, she was able to re-evaluate from a more empowered place.

🧠 Here’s a useful tip: if you notice that your default response is “Let me think about it”, ask yourself:
Am I thinking — or am I hesitating because I’m afraid to decide?

There’s a big difference between reflection and avoidance.

Leaders don’t have all the answers — but they know how to move forward without needing perfection.
This also comes up a lot during interviews, particularly in competency-based questions where you’re asked to talk about how you handled a situation.

I always tell my clients: how you tell the story reveals how you think.

Do you blame others? Do you downplay your contribution? Do you own the decision — or distance yourself from it?

💬 As Brene Brown says, “Clarity is kindness.”
And that includes the clarity you bring to your own choices.

So if you want to make smarter, faster calls — especially under pressure — start by spotting the patterns.
Do you tend to delay decisions because you're trying to keep all your options open?
Do you rush in just to “get it over with”?
Do you crowdsource every decision, because you don’t trust your own gut?

None of these are bad — they’re just information. And the more aware you are of your default, the more you can start asking:

“What would a confident, strategic version of me do here?”
That version of you doesn’t rush or freeze. They pause. They assess. And then they act — even if it’s imperfect.

💬 Maya Angelou once said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Because leadership isn't about always being right.

It’s about moving with purpose — and owning your path as you go.

Our actions create ripple effects. And when we understand what drives us — and what drives others — we become not just better professionals, but better humans.

Segment 4: Building Executive Presence and Communicating with Confidence
Let’s talk about something that comes up all the time in leadership coaching, interviews, and career transitions:

👉 Executive presence.
That elusive quality people say you either have or you don’t.

But here’s the truth: executive presence isn’t about wearing a power suit or speaking in boardroom jargon.

It’s about how people experience you.

And more importantly, how you experience yourself.
Do you speak with clarity, or are you constantly checking the room to see if you’re being taken seriously?
Do you hold your posture with quiet authority, or are you shrinking yourself to avoid being “too much”?
Do you say what you really mean — or do you soften your message to keep the peace?
🧠 Executive presence begins with internal congruence — when what you think, feel, and say are in alignment.

And when there’s that kind of alignment, people feel it.

They may not always agree with you, but they’ll trust you. Because you’re not performing — you’re leading from your centre.

💬 I love what Sylvia Ann Hewlett says in her book Executive Presence:
“Gravitas, communication and appearance — these are the three pillars. But gravitas is the core. It’s how you show you’re ready for serious responsibility.”

And gravitas isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room.

It’s about being grounded. Thoughtful. Able to hold your nerve when others are losing theirs.

This is something I hear from clients all the time, especially when they’re preparing for high-stakes moments like salary negotiations, board meetings, or final interviews.

They know their stuff — but the moment they have to speak about it confidently, they freeze.
It’s not about skill — it’s about self-permission.

🗣️ Here’s a quick technique I share with them:
Before you speak — especially in moments where you feel nervous — take a pause and ask yourself:
“If I believed I belonged here, how would I say this?”

It’s a powerful reframe. Because often, the confidence comes after the action — not before.

And let’s be real: some of us didn’t grow up being told our voice mattered. So communicating with confidence isn’t just a skill — it’s a personal reclaiming.

Especially in interviews, clients often tell me they feel a surge of nerves during that classic opener: “Tell me about yourself.”

It feels like you’re under a spotlight, and the amygdala kicks in, just like we talked about earlier. You start rushing, rambling, or giving a biography instead of a narrative.

But if you approach it with presence — with the mindset of “I know who I am, and this is my story” — everything shifts.

🧭 Confidence doesn’t mean you don’t feel fear.  It means fear doesn’t get to drive the conversation.

So if you’re working on your executive presence, remember: it’s not something you need to earn by doing more.

It’s something you uncover by showing up more fully as yourself — and letting that be enough.

Segment 5: Leading with Influence and Shifting to an Ownership Mindset
So now that we’ve explored how you react, make decisions, and communicate — let’s talk about how you lead.

Not just when you’re in charge.

But how you show up — consistently, confidently, and with intention — even when you don’t have the title or authority.

This is where influence becomes so powerful.

Leadership today isn’t just about hierarchy — it’s about trust.

And people don’t follow titles; they follow energy. 

They follow the people who bring clarity in uncertainty.

The ones who listen, who offer perspective, who challenge respectfully, and who own their part without passing the buck.

🧠 Influence is built in the small moments — in how you follow up after meetings, how you frame feedback, how you advocate for others when they’re not in the room.

And this links closely with something I coach on so often: the ownership mindset.
It’s the shift from thinking “That’s not my problem” to “How can I contribute to a solution?”
From “I’m waiting for permission” to “I’ve got an idea — here’s how I think we could move forward.”

You can see this shift in action during career transitions, too.

One of my clients once told me, “I’m just an assistant — I don’t make the decisions.”
But when we looked at how she showed up — how she organised the leadership team’s priorities, protected their time, and influenced the flow of information — it was clear she was already leading.
She just hadn’t claimed it yet.

💬 As John Maxwell says: “Leadership is not about titles, positions or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another.”

So what does this mean for you?
If you want to accelerate your growth, start by asking: 

Where am I holding back because I’m waiting to be asked?
Where could I lead with more intent, even if no one’s handed me the mic?

The moment you step into that ownership — of your reactions, your decisions, your communication, your impact — you stop being reactive… and start becoming undeniably influential.

You become someone others trust. Someone who moves things forward.

Someone who doesn’t just respond to the environment — but shapes it.

And that, right there, is what takes you from being good at your job to being seen as a leader — no matter your role or title.



Final recap
Thank you so much for joining me on this reflective episode of Your Path to Career Success.

Let’s quickly recap everything we’ve covered:
✔️ What triggers your emotional reactions — and why your brain sometimes hijacks your logic
Our emotional reactions aren’t always about what’s happening in the moment. Often, it’s the amygdala at work — the part of your brain designed to protect you from perceived threats. But sometimes, it gets it wrong, mistaking feedback or high-pressure situations as a danger. Understanding this gives you the awareness to separate instinct from logic.

✔️ How to decode your default responses under pressure, stress, and feedback
When we’re stressed or facing tough feedback, we often default to familiar, automatic reactions. Whether it's getting defensive, shutting down, or feeling overwhelmed, recognising these default responses allows you to gain control and choose a more effective way to react.

✔️ The influence of past experiences — how old environments still shape how you show up today
Past experiences, especially from childhood or early careers, leave a mark on how we react today. Sometimes, old environments — like a past job or a toxic situation — shape how we approach current challenges. Being aware of these influences helps you break free from outdated patterns and respond with more clarity and intention.

✔️ Practical tools to pause, process, and choose better responses in real time
Reactivity can be a default, but it doesn’t have to rule us. By learning to pause before we react, we create space to process the situation and choose a response aligned with our goals. Practising deep breaths, asking clarifying questions, or taking a moment to step back can drastically change how you respond — especially under pressure.

✔️ How emotional awareness builds leadership strength — and helps you lead yourself (and others) with intention
Emotional awareness isn’t just for managing your own reactions — it’s key to effective leadership. When you understand your emotions, you can lead with more intention, build stronger relationships, and guide your team with empathy. By being aware of how you show up, you become a more grounded and influential leader.

If this sparked something in you — if you had a lightbulb moment or want to explore this more — send me a message, or share this episode with someone who’d appreciate it.

And as always, the show notes are full of resources to help you dive deeper — including tools for emotional intelligence, resilience, and response regulation.

If you found today’s episode valuable, hit that subscribe button, leave a review, and share it with your network. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn—just search Kathryn Hall, The Career Owl.

Next time you react in a way that surprises you — pause. Don’t judge it. Get curious. What was the story your brain was telling you in that moment? And is it still true?

Because understanding your own reactions is one of the most powerful leadership tools you can develop. And remember: you don’t need to get it perfect. You just need to get better at noticing.

💬 I’ll leave you with this quote from Carl Jung: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”