Real Lives of Real Estate w/ Brendan Da Silva

The Realities of Being Married to a Top Realtor

• Debora Da Silva • Season 1 • Episode 1

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The Realities of Being Married to a Top Realtor | Real Lives Of Real Estate Episode 001

Behind every successful realtor is a story untold.

Dive into the life of Debora, a former math teacher with a tale that intertwines love, family, and the high-energy world of real estate. In this episode, Debora opens up about her transformative journey from shaping young minds in the classroom to becoming the cornerstone of her family and an indispensable ally in her husband's thriving real estate career.

Married to the dynamic realtor, Brendan Da Silva, Debora offers listeners an authentic glimpse into the rollercoaster of emotions and experiences that come with being the spouse of a top real estate professional. Balancing her roles as a devoted wife, a nurturing mother to their son Maverick, and a self-proclaimed Junior Realtor, she brings to light the seldom-seen side of the real estate realm.

Today's "Real Lives of Real Estate" episode will be a blend of personal anecdotes, insights, and heartfelt stories, revealing the sacrifices and joys of supporting a partner through the loud and rewarding world of real estate. This podcast isn't just about properties and deals; it's about the resilience, love, and dedication that form the foundation of a successful partnership.

Whether you are part of the real estate industry, supporting a hard-working professional, or simply interested in the intersection of personal and professional lives, "Real Lives of Real Estate" promises a compelling and relatable narrative. Join Debora as she shares her life's journey, offering inspiration and a deeper understanding of the emotional backbone behind real estate success.

To get more insight on episodes and to apply to be on the show, visit www.BrendanDaSilva.com!

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Debora Da Silva:

I remember praying in the beginning of our marriage of like Lord, if this is going to change us. Please take it away. I do not want money, I don't want it.

Brendan Da Silva:

I don't want it Like just take it, I was praying very different prayers. I just want everyone to know. All right, welcome to one and only. I hear you are married to a great man, wonderful guy.

Debora Da Silva:

Oh, that I am yes.

Brendan Da Silva:

No, but for you guys who don't know, this is my lovely wife, Deborah, Actually Deborah De Silva, which is kind of crazy.

Debora Da Silva:

That's crazy, yeah, yeah.

Brendan Da Silva:

That's recently. Look at that. We've been married now four years and three months and I want to bring you on for many reasons. Of course one, you know, I wouldn't be where I'm at by any means without you like 0% chance. But more than that, I think you actually because the whole concept of the podcast right is like real lives of real states and I can't think of a gang any more real than bringing on your spouse Unfiltered, so like, and especially for you because you've been, we've been together just coming on almost seven years, like six and a half years. So you really have seen my entire journey in real estate, where I came from, where we're going, how's it looking, how's the head and the whole nine right. So for actually how long have we been together? Oh, six years.

Debora Da Silva:

Yeah, you had, yeah, but you had just started real estate. Yeah, okay, so about six years.

Brendan Da Silva:

The point is I thought it would be really wonderful to have you on because that you've been so faithfully and wonderfully supporting me, and only that you had the inside look. So this is going to you know you deserve. This is going to be a little bit different from a podcast, because I wanted to be more as both asking questions. What did you grow up in? Did you grow up in a house, an apartment, two family, four family each house mansion.

Debora Da Silva:

I mean, I can't remember what we lived in Brazil. Actually, we lived on a property in Brazil that was the church property and it was right across, so it was basically like a gated part and it was like the church building and right across was our house.

Brendan Da Silva:

In Brazil. Yeah, how'd you know that?

Debora Da Silva:

There's pictures I remember, like my mom, like when she shared stories of our childhood, like of like the gate being open and I was like three years old and just learned, or I was like still in diapers and I like left and I basically like, went on like a highway, like in my little diaper and my mom, like my older brother, the V, came out screaming like mom, like that was. I mean, beppa is like going up the highway, but anyways then we made off the highway.

Debora Da Silva:

Yes, I did. When we moved to Jersey, we lived in a two family, we lived on the top floor, and then, when we lived in Florida, we lived in an apartment, also on the top floor, and then when we moved to Hampton Bay, we lived in a house. And then my parents moved to Nyec. They lived in an apartment and now they're back in a house and we're in an apartment, so a little bit of everything really.

Brendan Da Silva:

So you went from Brazil to Jersey, from Jersey to Florida, from Florida to Hampton Bay. Okay, in Jersey, where, what did you live in?

Debora Da Silva:

You said house and a two family house on the top floor.

Brendan Da Silva:

And how old were you when you left that?

Debora Da Silva:

I was in fifth grade.

Brendan Da Silva:

Do you remember like? Did you ever come across your mind like oh, someone else is living next door, or no? Next door Because it's your family house or it was above you?

Debora Da Silva:

We didn't we didn't talk to our neighbors. We talked to our landlord that lived on the first floor.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh, that's what I meant. Oh, so it wasn't a side by side duplex, it was like our house.

Debora Da Silva:

Okay, all right. So we became very close to the landlord and you knew that he was the landlord.

Brendan Da Silva:

It was a she or she, sorry An older woman.

Debora Da Silva:

She had a, actually a doxin that had like the training wheels because it got paralyzed, and we lived there, for I don't remember the rent, nor do I like, but you knew that was like a rental.

Debora Da Silva:

I don't think that I knew that, but I did know. The only way that I knew was that I remember there was a time that, like we lived there for a certain amount of time I don't remember what happened but my dad raised our rent because he wanted to give her more money, because she had, like been so wonderful to us and like we were loud and it was three kids and like we use the backyard and I don't know what happened.

Brendan Da Silva:

So you're saying your dad is a Brazilian immigrant. He comes to America, pours dirt right, figuring himself out. He's a pat. Is he a pastor when he came to America already? Yeah, he's a pastor when he came to America making no money and your dad is renting. You guys get along the ladies downstairs, first floor, and your dad, the tenant, goes to the landlord and says, hey, I want to pay you more money.

Debora Da Silva:

Yeah, he was have to ask my dad the exact reason why. But I remember, like maybe later on, hearing that and realizing like, oh, we don't own this. I don't know. I don't think I ever thought that we owned it, maybe.

Brendan Da Silva:

Okay, I actually have spoken to your dad about this and his questions like oh no, it seemed like the right thing to do. I might have like that's so interesting, because every time it like our story is always like the land the tenants want pay as little as possible, as possible, as possible. But I guess, hey, there's some tenants out there who are my parents are wonderful tenants.

Brendan Da Silva:

No, okay, I think that's probably the only tenant that's ever done that. I don't think there's another example of paying your landlord more money even though they didn't ask. With that being said, okay, so when you went to Florida, you were. That was a house, though.

Debora Da Silva:

No, that was an apartment. Oh, so that was when did the house oh?

Brendan Da Silva:

house came in Hampton base. So okay, now in Florida. Did you know yeah?

Debora Da Silva:

because it was like a condominium.

Brendan Da Silva:

And you knew like we have the management company.

Debora Da Silva:

Yeah, there was like a pool.

Brendan Da Silva:

We live by like a lake or like a pond and there was like all the apartments around it and then when you went to Florida Hamptons, that was your first time in a house. Yeah, what were the differences for you to like growing up in a house? Like like having a house and having a apartment? Where are some differences you and your family had? I?

Debora Da Silva:

remember being a big deal that I could paint my room when we moved to Hampton Bay. My parents asked like what color? And it was my first actually no, I always had my own room. But I remember my parents asking, like what color do you want your room? And I think I said purple. I don't even like purple, I don't know why I said it, but and I remember my mom was able to paint like the kitchen and the living room and that was kind of like a big deal for her.

Brendan Da Silva:

Wow, and that's how you knew like oh, this is really like ours, yeah.

Debora Da Silva:

And it was like homey the home. Of course home is homey.

Brendan Da Silva:

And now were there any other differences that you had like, consciously, you think, from the two family condo live in or apartment live in to the single family house in the Hampton Bay?

Debora Da Silva:

So much more private, because when we lived in the two family, we had our landlord downstairs and we lived in the apartment. There was everyone around us. Right, there was a bunch of apartments. We're on the second floor, so there was neighbors across us and below us. But then we had our house or we rented it.

Brendan Da Silva:

We didn't own it, the church owned it, but it was the church owned the house Really, but it wasn't connected to the church.

Debora Da Silva:

Sorry, one of the members of the church owned the house. But it was like the church had paid for the rent.

Brendan Da Silva:

It was like taken out of your salary.

Debora Da Silva:

Your dad had a stipend he had a living stipend, okay, so they paid for his housing. So like after my dad left, the new pastor lived in that house.

Brendan Da Silva:

And the church member was just always renting it out.

Debora Da Silva:

I guess yeah.

Brendan Da Silva:

Wow, look at that. Investment properties helping the church Beautiful, oh, that's actually nice. I didn't know that. Okay, this is good, all right. Now, I guess, fast forward. When we started dating, you were always a hard worker. You did your thing, even when you went to, like Onyata, you had your own place with the roommates right, always doing your own. I didn't really realize this and tell them on the podcast right now it's actually you are the most real point of view. So why don't you tell the listeners here what exactly I was like when we first started dating? What did it? What did real estate? Obviously, I was a wonderful man. You were madly in love. Yada, yada, yada captured my heart captured the heart.

Brendan Da Silva:

great, you know, strong, ridiculously in shape at the time. We are in a steady decline there since then. But what were some differences of dating me at that season when I just was getting into real estate I was in real estate about five months when we started dating versus like a traditional non real estate or non like entrepreneurial individual?

Debora Da Silva:

I'm gonna start to say, because we were also in such different like seasons Like I had only dated in college and now this is like the real world, right? Like I said, started my career, you were starting your career how?

Brendan Da Silva:

about like, in comparison to your friends now who are single and are dating, what would you say? Some differences are.

Debora Da Silva:

I would say that the biggest difference is that, like you don't clock out, like there's no end, like your phone is always ringing, you're always thinking, or like reading about how to improve or what to change. So I think it's like a mindset of like this isn't just a job, this is like your every minute, maybe not every minute, I'm exaggerating.

Brendan Da Silva:

But I will. Yeah, it's like consuming.

Debora Da Silva:

Yeah, but I will say that when you first started like asking this question, that you're like thinking about when we first started dating and what it was like, I thought you were gonna ask a completely different question.

Brendan Da Silva:

So answer that one instead.

Debora Da Silva:

About what you were like when we first started dating and you first started your career. I just I have this like picture in my head of you at your mom's house at the dining table with this like big chair that you had just recently purchased because you were like tired of sitting in a regular chair and that was a lazy boy and I remember it was $220 or $109, $229.

Brendan Da Silva:

And I called Carlos. I said, man, oh, it was like 250. I like cars. You think I should buy a chair? It's $230 for a chair. This is crazy. He was buy the chair. What's wrong with you? I'm like, oh, my god, okay, and I bought myself, like a lazy boy, chair was so cool.

Debora Da Silva:

But I remember you sitting at this table with this big whiteboard on the wall and I could tell it was like your mom's handwriting for the most part. There were some of your handwriting too, and it was your like where each deal was and like where in the contract or what not. And I remember like, maybe a little bit after that, you would say, like my business, my business. And I had the thought of like, oh, sweet honey, like it's just you like that much of a business. But. And then you had like your first assistant. And then you had like another teammate or, I guess, co-worker that worked on your team, and then you started saying my business, my business. And you kept saying that and I'm like, okay, like he has an assistant now, like I could see it growing. And to now you say like my business. And I'm like, oh no, this is legit, this is, this is real now, like you actually like huge business.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, in a way I spoke before I existed. In a way I just kept saying out loud and tricked myself into like what it became. No, I do. I definitely do remember that. I remember like at first we started eating it was a small whiteboard and then I grew I like I don't even remember this like I leveled up into a large whiteboard.

Debora Da Silva:

I just remember. I remember the big one, like your mom's wall.

Brendan Da Silva:

There was a small one. It was black and had like eight listings max, or is our eight contracts. And then the big one is when I've crossed like the 12 at a time or something, I got a big one. I said, oh, I'm a baller Like this is just insane. What did you think? Because when we were dating, I was sharing a bed with my mom at her house.

Debora Da Silva:

Did that ever come weird?

Brendan Da Silva:

Well, I just, obviously, you know we were like, oh, something, beautifully, you know a very traditional marriage here. But with that being said, like you got, you didn't know, I shared about my mom, like, literally, my mom didn't spend every night at home, granted, Right. But like, did you ever think of that? Like, that's a little strange.

Debora Da Silva:

I thought it was weird, but I knew that it like she wasn't there very. Not that she wasn't there often, but while I was grown right.

Brendan Da Silva:

I'm like 22 years old, 23.

Debora Da Silva:

And I feel like it was just like a place to sleep Like, but I did. I remember us having this conversation of like you not having your room and how like big of an impact that was to me, are you saying that? Yeah, you would see that to me.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh really, I don't remember that.

Debora Da Silva:

Oh, my goodness honey, I remember like so vividly like a phone call. So I was in my room on the floor and sitting in my room like this cozy place that. I had like just created my little safe haven and I remembered you were just really frustrated because you didn't have your own space. And I would say that's an ongoing theme.

Brendan Da Silva:

No since then, I've never had my own space.

Debora Da Silva:

I'm not having your own space.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, it's funny enough. I was just telling Bruce's girlfriend, kay, if you're listening, shout out to you very nice having you over. But I saw Bruce's girlfriend. I was like since I've gotten married I haven't had my own space. When you realize when you get married, real estate-wise you actually just live in your wife's home is what I've determined to be the case.

Debora Da Silva:

That's not true.

Brendan Da Silva:

I think it is true, Because in our house now I still do not have my own space and we've got more square footage.

Debora Da Silva:

And I have made it very clear. You can have the space.

Brendan Da Silva:

You've got to do it. No, she gave me the most bootlegged little room.

Debora Da Silva:

No, we said you could buy the nice chair that you want to put in your room. But whatever you want to do, I would go.

Brendan Da Silva:

no, hey the point of the story is so I don't remember complaining, but maybe I did. I can't imagine I didn't, it was very uncomfortable and the bed was always broken. My mom, I remember I had to put, like this, wooden beams underneath my mom's bed to support it. I remember hot pink sheets though. Hot pink sheets, hot pink sheets, I remember those as well.

Debora Da Silva:

And you had like your little section in the closet.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, I have my own section, that's true, ok, well, that said, how else was I?

Debora Da Silva:

I think that maybe I didn't fully understand how hard you had worked, because you were so intentional when it was like quality time that you would turn off your phone. And now I see like wait, that's like a huge deal to turn off your phone for like three hours and just like not even pay any attention to like what else, what is going on and like with work.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, the day nights were critical. What I would do is I would turn off the phone. I would literally turn off my phone when I went to pick you up yeah in the car and I would use your phone as the Spotify. Because I was like, oh, I'm just going to use her phone and play music, because my phone would not. Especially back then, my phone rang more often than not Because I was more direct to the customer.

Debora Da Silva:

And now, when you do that, I'm like, oh, that's like a huge deal.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, yeah, I think maybe that's something I should get back more and more in the practice of, because when it's happening in, like real lives and real estate right, you end up being in a place where the moment you get that text that says like the deal's dying, or that email or whatever it is, it just throws up your whole night, crashes the night.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, so you can't rebound off of it. Right? I said that with you, with Maverick, right, when we were going on dates and Maverick was home and he would wake up at night with a babysitter, you'd be like, oh my gosh, what's going on?

Debora Da Silva:

Yeah, your brain is just off track.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, it goes 100 miles per hour the other direction, so it really is better just to let the deal die and then, like in three hours when you pick the phone, no one's dead, everyone's OK, all right. What else would you say from the early days that you remember? Did you have any Like? Did your parents would see me work a lot? Did they ever say something? Your parents are these super amazing, like my allies are truly amazing people, like very kind, like truly unbelievable people, and they welcome me in with like the most godly arms ever. With that being said, did you have any experiences with them growing up I'm sorry with them while we were dating about like my work, because that would work so much.

Debora Da Silva:

I think my dad was interested in what you were doing Because I feel like he would ask questions or like, even if he couldn't follow along with everything that you were saying, because some stories are just like what the deal, the contract.

Debora Da Silva:

Like people that don't know real estate. They don't, and we my parents had never bought a house, so I think that they didn't fully understand. But I think that when you would talk and like share things that were like you were experiencing with like a contract or something, I think that, like my dad, was genuinely interested.

Brendan Da Silva:

He was interested, I agree, my mom not so much.

Debora Da Silva:

I don't think she like cared that much, I think, as long as, like you know, you were OK. But I think my dad was kind of more interested to hear what the process is like to buy a house.

Brendan Da Silva:

OK, question for, as you're supposed to be asking me questions, but I have a question for you. Ok, go ahead. What's up? Just ramble.

Debora Da Silva:

So you recently posted.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh wow, you've shared. Fast forward so much yeah that.

Debora Da Silva:

Yeah, I really am fast forwarding that. The most watched video, your viral video, was the one of Maverick. When I was away.

Brendan Da Silva:

Hopefully this podcast beats that video, but yes.

Debora Da Silva:

So how was it for you, in terms of like work, with being with Maverick?

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah. So Deb is referencing this time that I was alone with Maverick for three nights. Our son Maverick, one year old, and I will tell you this what I've learned Big shout out to the single parents out there Because it's like a sensory overload that takes place. So I was always thinking like, hey, he's only up for three and a half hours, he goes to bed for two hours like that nap. So I'm like, just get your stuff done during the two hours, toughen up right. But what happens is during the three and a half hours it really is sensory overload and my phone is ringing so I'm trying to answer that call and it's very overwhelming experience.

Brendan Da Silva:

Honestly, you can't seem to do anything right, but my decisions I make aren't like dollar decisions, they're like $10,000 decisions and, frankly, lately I just made a $48,000 decision right and today I'm making a $200,000 decision. So because I'm making large decisions, there's a lot of pressure with each decision that I make and one day I was able to make a $1 million decision. With that being said, with Maverick in that weekend it was my decision making ability decreased and that was the reality. Like I couldn't make as good decisions because my brain was so focused on Maverick, I couldn't think about the business, so I think that was a big thing for sure.

Debora Da Silva:

Did you expect that?

Brendan Da Silva:

I did not expect that.

Debora Da Silva:

I thought I would be able to compartmentalize more, like when he's sleeping now, like in the two hours, like you can't like make him work.

Brendan Da Silva:

I could work and my stuff done, yeah, but it did not happen. Even when, at night, when he go to bed, I didn't.

Debora Da Silva:

I think you just like want to not do anything.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, I just want to chill. So I do think, though, if I let's say God forbid, you passed away right, I was devastated and I had to take care of Maverick Thank you, honey, but that did happen I would. Without a doubt I would have to hire a full-time caregiver. There's no way I would have to hire a living nanny. Or there would be no shop, Because there's no way I could do what I do now and like drop him off, pick him up, Like they just know it's, physically it would not.

Brendan Da Silva:

I don't know how people do it. I'm still trying to figure it out, especially, especially seeing because now he's an infant Imagine when he's like seven and he really work he doesn't take that two two hour naps or two an hour and a half.

Debora Da Silva:

I think about Teresa. Oh no, teresa. God bless her. God bless Teresa. The girls don't nap. I mean Sophia naps every once in a while.

Brendan Da Silva:

But here's the good news. So, like with Teresa and with you, you guys. Well, now you got a job at the church, right, but you guys are full-time at home. This is imperative, because, even being full-time at home, you still guilt yourself. You shame yourself for taking time to yourself, right? You're so exhausted, depleted. It's horrible, really is.

Debora Da Silva:

I'm thankful that you, you, you, did that for me.

Brendan Da Silva:

Well, cheers to Brandon. I agree with that said question for you, my love. Backward. Now we went fast forward.

Debora Da Silva:

Backward. Sorry, that was just what was in my brain.

Brendan Da Silva:

Well, romney will edit it, He'll make all sound good. Can you tell the viewers or the listeners here? When I we came across a deal as a four family in Fairview in Jersey, it was for $420,000. Right now the property is worth a 50. Okay, I brought it to Deb. I said Deb, you should buy it, we should buy this house together. I was going to use because I didn't. I didn't have two years of income, so I was going to use Deb's income to qualify for the house and I said you add me on later when you know things work out and that's how you know.

Debora Da Silva:

You didn't start the story by we were dating.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh, yes, of course. How long so we were dating? I would say about a year, probably a year, just under a year.

Debora Da Silva:

Probably like six months.

Brendan Da Silva:

No, it was probably eight months, Basically eight months into our relationship.

Debora Da Silva:

I asked Deb hey, I have an unbelievable opportunity If we want to buy a house together.

Brendan Da Silva:

Buy a house. It was like nine months into the relationship and I said, hey, let's be JV on a deal. And what'd you say? Tell these, tell, tell, come clean, come clean.

Debora Da Silva:

I think I need a ring first.

Brendan Da Silva:

No, it's not. Oh, that's not what you said.

Debora Da Silva:

No, I didn't say that, but I was like, um, I don't. First of all, I didn't understand what it meant to buy a house as an investment. I always think or thought, like you buy a house, that's your home. So, like the idea of buying a house and it not even being a house that we live in or that we plan on living in or that we were going to fix to live in, to me I was like what the heck, why would we do this?

Debora Da Silva:

And it was a huge commitment for people that had been dating for, even if it was nine months yeah that's a huge commitment, like we're legally binding ourselves together in this house in this purchase, and we're not engaged and we're not married clearly, and to me it was like this is like a huge step.

Brendan Da Silva:

It's like a good move, it's moving in, but I didn't even get. Hey, this doesn't work out. Here's how it was like.

Debora Da Silva:

Yeah, you know, you know, you know. Yeah, yeah, you did say if it doesn't work out you get to keep the house.

Brendan Da Silva:

And I'm like, because I was so confident, I was so confident, oh, so I was. A great deal, great deal, and that happened like three times, by the way, but multiple good deals.

Debora Da Silva:

But we did go to to counsel.

Brendan Da Silva:

We have mentors and they agreed with your decision.

Debora Da Silva:

They agree that maybe this is too soon for you guys to be doing this.

Brendan Da Silva:

It was too soon. We did miss out on almost half a million dollars to us cashflow and it was totally devs fault. But I'm okay with it. Yeah, I'm still bitter.

Debora Da Silva:

I think we got enough now right.

Brendan Da Silva:

No, we're, that being said, just want everyone. I just wanted you to have an opportunity here to confess well speaking of, yeah, robin Sue. And when we were like Robin Sue are pastors and mentors.

Debora Da Silva:

Yeah, during our dating season that we had been going to them for our whole relationship and then like pre-marital and I remember when we were in like the pre-marital, talking about like hey, where do you guys see yourselves in five years, ten years and whatnot. So I can't remember like our answers, but if you look back to when we were there, do you think that this is where we saw ourselves in in five years? Because we're approaching five years now.

Brendan Da Silva:

I would say yeah, I think like my vision for our marriage definitely is what it is. The only thing I think differently I thought we would travel more often.

Brendan Da Silva:

I think we travel in comparison to no, I thought we would travel a lot more and I think I thought we would live somewhere tropical. Because I always tell myself that I'm like, every three years I'm gonna like, all right, three years from now I'm gonna be out, I'm gonna be out. So I keep telling myself, like the three-year lie that I've learned is just like it's not true about like, hey, in three years I'm gonna work hard, for three years I'm gonna have a beach. And I realize, like I don't want the beach. I actually do enjoy the like the game, but yeah, no, that is.

Debora Da Silva:

I would say you think that this is where you thought you would be, we would be. I.

Brendan Da Silva:

Probably thought I'd be further ahead. Really, career wise for sure, for sure. Career wise for sure.

Debora Da Silva:

I think that we're much further ahead than I expected really Not sure, marriage wise, I think we're really like we're doing really well.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, I love that we're part. I really like big shout out to Rapunzel. If you do not have, you know, relationship mentors, your beat like people who are above and way ahead of you.

Brendan Da Silva:

And then you have like authority, right, like they tell you like you can't do this and you have to shut up and listen, like that it's like authority. Oh, question for you Tell the story of we're getting married and I tell you I'm like, hey, you know, we had like 130 grand in the bank at the time, at the time, and what did I do? So I had 145 in the bank. I had 145 and I bought the house right 125. I think was 130.

Debora Da Silva:

So we are maybe, like Maybe a few weeks before our wedding.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh yeah, mind you like max.

Debora Da Silva:

Brennan paid for a majority, if not all of the wedding. I did pay for all the wedding. I don't know what major who else?

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh no, your parents.

Debora Da Silva:

Yes, right for things.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh, I completely forgot they chipped in. Yeah, oh, you're parents are the best. Oh, we said like there's no need for them to pin, but they chip in. Yeah, great people, great people, oh, yes.

Debora Da Silva:

So it was like a few weeks before our wedding and like we had been going back and forth wedding planning of like you know what to do, what not to do, and you know you were obviously like providing or paying for the whole wedding. And Then it was a few weeks before and you're like, hey, deb, we're gonna have zero money in like like a week. And like what do you mean zero money? You're like I'm gonna take all of the money that I have and like we didn't have a joint bank accounts or anything.

Debora Da Silva:

So it was like already talking about like our money, but it was in your account. I'm gonna take all of it. I'm gonna maybe leave like what, like $2,000.

Brendan Da Silva:

It was something like that. Yeah, I'm gonna be like 5k or something for like two, only for like two weeks, but yes.

Debora Da Silva:

But yes, I'm gonna take all of it and I'm gonna buy a house, and I was like, what? Like I don't. That just doesn't sound wise to me and my whole thing is like, okay, it might be a great deal, but is it wise to be doing this, like right at this time?

Brendan Da Silva:

This could be a great deal, but not a great time for it.

Debora Da Silva:

That was a constant.

Brendan Da Silva:

It's still my my thing, yeah, I do agree honestly, even with the billboards now, but with that said no. And then the funny part is you were right because I ended up losing like 7,000 on that deal. It was my first investment property and I ended up losing several months. And I remember at our honeymoon you were in bed asleep and I was like it because we went to our honeymoon. It's in New Nisha, so it was like 12-hour time difference. I remember looking at emails and I got an email saying there's an oil leak on your property and I was like and I was talking about this house on our honeymoon like this house that took all of our money.

Debora Da Silva:

That I don't even know what like, what it's for like, why we did this.

Brendan Da Silva:

That was bro, I should think about that. Going into marriage like that was brutal, brutal.

Debora Da Silva:

But it was so stressful but Think about the way that I handled it as well.

Brendan Da Silva:

How'd you handle?

Debora Da Silva:

it. I Spoke what I believed right, that it wasn't the right deal or it might have been the right deal, wrong time. Yeah, I remember that, but I also Followed your lead and said hey, this is you, obviously your field of expertise. I don't agree with it. I don't. I don't understand what's going on. It sounds like a like ridiculously dumb idea to do right now I but if you think so, okay.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, I actually. You're totally right. You didn't handle it very well, very, very well, and you're you're even at the honeymoon. You didn't panic. I was panicked, I remember like you were asleep.

Debora Da Silva:

I was like because I wouldn't even know how to help you. My anxiety was so high. I said, you know, and I'm there googling what is an oil leak and at that time and also.

Brendan Da Silva:

I learned so much from that investment opportunity. But I think it was actually a good way to go into marriage shoe because it did set like the tone of like Our marriage was just like we just I keep doubling down, doubling down, doubling down, doubling down. Eventually, a god, I'm very sad to say, I'm sure I'm gonna hit, like I'm gonna miss right, and it's gonna be like I'm gonna bet everything on red and it's gonna go black. But is what?

Debora Da Silva:

it is Sadly enough, but that is the case, I do trust that you are always um being mindful that, like, hey, this is your responsibility, and if it doesn't work, oh, it's my consequence. Yeah on you. Yeah, it's not much.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, there's no shared consequence, like the responsibility financially. He's definitely on me for sure With that.

Debora Da Silva:

I would say there's a shared consequence. I would feel it. But yeah, shared consequence, but the responsibility is on me to fix it, that's you.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah. Yeah, it's like you know we're both sinking, but I'm the one who needs like patch the hole paddle us up, paddles up. It was so, with that said, pre enough, we do not have one. Oh gosh, what do you think? Has anyone ever asked you that when I'm not like a rich, rich man, right, I'm not like. But I think, whenever I ask you, come on, do you have this prenup?

Debora Da Silva:

I have a feeling like that. Maybe in the middle of a conversation like the, the topic of prenup came up and I don't know if someone had asked me or said would you or do you? I understand why someone would do it, yeah, but I just think you're setting yourself up to say, hey, I can protect myself in case this doesn't work, which I understand why someone would want to I agree.

Debora Da Silva:

But if you were to get divorce right and there were children involved, I would think wouldn't you want to be able to give them half of what you have, because they are your family and they are. You're looking at me like yeah.

Brendan Da Silva:

No, no, no, no. I think this is my view on Prina. For us, we're Christian, oh Well, go ahead.

Debora Da Silva:

Sorry, no, I remember when this topic came up a while ago and you said what would you do if I told you now that I had tricked you because, I mean, I've signed? A lot of documents that I tricked you into signing a prenup.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh my god.

Debora Da Silva:

Do you remember what I said?

Brendan Da Silva:

I have such funny jokes Go ahead.

Debora Da Silva:

I said I would divorce you right now, just so you could know that I would never want the money.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh, I don't remember that from you Really. Oh, that was in our apartment in Newark. That was recent, no.

Debora Da Silva:

I don't remember, but. I remember being like if you tricked me into doing that, I would show you that I don't care, I don't want any of that Look wholeheartedly.

Brendan Da Silva:

this is my view.

Debora Da Silva:

I would never divorce you. I need to just buy you, come on.

Brendan Da Silva:

But with that being said, we are Christians and we're devout, so for us, I always tell people I'm not married to you because of you. You're not like the X factor in our marriage. You're performing as an X factor For me. I view as like I'm on a mission right From the Lord Himself. Boom, I'm rocking this way. You were on a mission, same direction. When we got together. We just went on the same mission together and we literally on our ring engraved right and same on yours. I think you got engraved too.

Brendan Da Silva:

No, OK, it says his love, not ours. I tell about God's love, not our love, because my love for you is very fickle. Today I'm madly in love with you. Tomorrow I'm like, oh my god, I can't stand up, right, and it happens all the time up down, up down. So if I was every day, no, it's OK. But if I were to make decisions based off my emotions or based off my logic of well, you know, this is not advantageous for me, then divorce is a no-brainer right. It's very common sense. But when you think to yourself like no, there's a higher purpose to my marriage than my own personal happiness and satisfaction, then like we're all in. So with that mindset, the prenup not for me. Now you can be a little bit more personal and direct about me. How do you feel like real estate has impacted my life as a whole? But what are some?

Debora Da Silva:

things that people may not see. Oh my gosh, what a loaded question.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, Well, you have like five minutes to ramble.

Debora Da Silva:

It has brought out a side of you that I don't know that you've had before. I mean, I don't really know you besides me, we were teenagers of like pre-real estate Brendan. But when you start something, it's very clear that you put all your thought and mind into it, and so I can't imagine you finding something else that you would be able to channel that energy and that passion to the same way. If you were working at I don't know, the first thing I thought was like car dealership, like it's still sales, but if you were to be doing that, I feel like you would still be itching to do more, do more.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, whereas.

Debora Da Silva:

I feel like, with real estate, it fulfills this side of you that you can channel all of your passion and your tenacity and the way that you're driven into yeah, yeah, for sure, definitely needed a limitless opportunity. Yeah, that's a good word, limitless yeah because there's just no cap.

Brendan Da Silva:

OK, what else would you say?

Debora Da Silva:

It's also brought out this side of you in terms of leadership, that it's given you the opportunity to be a leader and to learn to be a leader, because I don't know that you've had a role model in real estate that you've worked for, that you're like. I want to be like that.

Brendan Da Silva:

I have a lot Like Carlos, for example, or Lender Keypoint. Morgan shout out.

Debora Da Silva:

He's role model to me and I'm leading so much, yeah, but role model in terms of specific real estate agent yeah like lead it.

Brendan Da Silva:

No, I would say Robert Kiansky, but I have never seen his leadership style.

Debora Da Silva:

Robert worked for him.

Brendan Da Silva:

I never worked for him, but I would honestly right now go work for Rob, like if he hit me up. I think I would go take a break from the silver team for like three months just to learn from him. I would understand, without doubt. I wouldn't even think twice.

Debora Da Silva:

Really.

Brendan Da Silva:

I would literally wouldn't think twice For three months. I would go at least a month. I would commit to like and just give everything to Scott and Chris to run. I'd be there for a month, two months, three months wherever he is, I don't care. I tell you, hey, send me pictures of Maverick and you and I'm gone.

Debora Da Silva:

Thanks, I would have.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh honey, I would, I would beg, I would hope that you would give me a pound of back. So I'll come with you, brandon, but we're going. Yeah, that guy's a legend, legend. Oh, talk about the stress aspect, and remember, my counselor said you need to choose a profession that is low stress. High stress is not going to be for you. And I look at this man, I say I'm in real estate. What are you saying, are you? I'm like, yeah, I'm like I'm flabbergasted.

Debora Da Silva:

I think that I've seen different seasons of real estate, like in terms of market, in terms of your business, but I think that one thing that is consistent is the stress no matter kind of where you are, and I don't know if it's because you are so like engulfed in, like doing well and like succeeding, that you do bring a new level of stress, because I'm sure not every realtor has this level of stress Like that doesn't seem normal.

Brendan Da Silva:

No.

Debora Da Silva:

But I think that you've been able to say recently, like manage a little bit better, and know that like hey, I am at like my max, I need to take a break, like your Portugal trip right Months before you were like I mean, there was a lot of other things that were going on, like personal wise, but I think that you're able to now see that there's a crash coming. I need to stop it before it comes, whereas I think earlier on you would just kept crashing and it was just like a constant crash.

Debora Da Silva:

Yeah and it was like a cycle of like after you crash, then you take a break. But I think recently you've been able to say, like my stress level is so high that I need to stop before I crash.

Brendan Da Silva:

I definitely I did something a lot people won't won't do. I don't have the tenacity for the grit is I like crashed into crashes, into crashes, pushing myself really? I think truly like I sacrificed about like five years. That's why I did about four and a half years. I just went all in blood thirsty then, like four and a half to six years in industry, I've really four and a half to five years. I fit. I went like okay, I had literally a nervous breakdown in November 2021, right, and then, like all of 2022, I kind of chilled.

Brendan Da Silva:

I was like yeah, I was kind of chill. I said, okay, I need to chill out. And then 2023 this year I've gone into a much more healthy pace where I'm like in stride.

Debora Da Silva:

If you do look at the um at our year, a lot of the crashes do happen towards September, october, november and then. December it's like okay, it's family time, it's holidays.

Brendan Da Silva:

So like.

Debora Da Silva:

I'm gonna take a step back.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, recoup, and then the charge good, good to know though. Yeah, no, really good. And the fall, and the worst part is the seasons are changing. The fall is my fall usually, and the seasons are changing.

Debora Da Silva:

I, I've experienced your stress, right, I've seen it. But if someone were from the outside looking in, like what is it? If you had to pick? Like three things that actually make you stressed. Because you could say like, yeah, real estate is really stressful, but what makes it stressful?

Brendan Da Silva:

It's not a real estate, inherently real estate. Yes, I guess it is inherently stressful for me it's that I have such a I've tied so much. There's two things that make it so make it stressful for me. One I've tied so much of my self worth to it for so long, so I'm so tight. No, it's very annoying, but it's very, it's very productive. If you want to be successful, it's very helpful. So by tying my self worth to it for so long, my financial status that it's like, well, this isn't work. Like what am I? And now that's a healthy we're. On the second level, it's well, if this isn't work, we're because we have, like our overhead is huge, right, we're not running at like a 40 000 a month overhead, like we have serious overhead. So for us that that second part is like, hey, this needs to work because the pressure of the overhead, whereas I'm sure if I had no overhead and I was running at like 70% profit margin, I'd be like, ah, it didn't work so good.

Debora Da Silva:

Well, but even in the beginning of your real estate, like I would say that you were still stressed, even when it was just that was because it was the first step, right, and then so it's like the first thing, my identity is tied in it.

Brendan Da Silva:

The second is literally like actual financial Challenge. And then the third is like the healthy, which is like the competitive nature, like I love to win, love to win. I, I live to win more than I love the price. I like really don't care about the prize, the trophy, I just care about beating and like winning. And it's not even adversarial against another individual, it's always internally right, it's always a competition, it's just like. It's like puzzle when you are like it's like playing chess against a robot. Right, yeah, I don't really care about beating the other guy in the robot and chess, I just care about winning the game of chess, right, okay, who I'm playing against, just by me, even play myself, it wouldn't make a difference, okay, what else can I say here for my lovely wife, as I hear, maverick?

Debora Da Silva:

downstairs.

Brendan Da Silva:

Because you grew up low income, I grew up low income. We now are like, definitely at the top, like 1%. How does that impacted you as a person in your interpersonal relationship and the way that you view yourself, the way you view money, right? Because I remember one time a quick story is I got dev like these hoop earrings, right, and they were like these $500 or $600 hoop earrings, whatever it was, and I give them to you and you're like I love these are golden hoops. And I'm like, and then like, and then like, two days later you still had to warn them. I was like what's going on with these? And I'm like do you not like the hoops? Because I got the hoops and you haven't worn the hoops and you said like oh, I feel uncomfortable because, like, my parents right now are like they're working every day to make rent and I'm over here wearing, wearing $600 or $500 hoops, so it's like I just feel like it's uncomfortable, so and then we ended up getting.

Brendan Da Silva:

That was actually point. I was like, oh, I got a marriage girl. The $500 hoops now are like $5,000 plane tickets right. So it's like like talked about like money and how it's impacted our lives as people.

Debora Da Silva:

Growing up, I'm like we didn't have a lot of money, but my parents like instilled like a work ethic in us that like whatever we wanted me to work for, and so I think that when you did give me the like the earrings, I was like I didn't work for them. I don't know what I did to deserve them Right, and they're just like just way too expensive for me to be wearing. Like it just didn't make sense in my brain that like I should be wearing those because I think that I Might have had like an unhealthy relationship with Money, because I just saw it as, like you have money that's bad. Like you shouldn't have A lot of money. Like I was a Christian. Like you like should be giving away money that you have like to to support others, to like Feed like people and just always be using your money for for other people and not you like that was my like thing um, and it was actually we had already gotten married and now it's like your money became our money.

Debora Da Silva:

And I remember like I was still wrestling with the fact that, like I have a lot more money now than I ever thought that I would in the beginning of our marriage and I was like really struggling to think that it was also mine, even because I hadn't also worked for it. And I remember calling my dad and being like I have more money now and I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to think. Like I don't know how to like how to use it. He was he's so sweet, um, he was basically saying like I've already seen you and Brendan, and like the way that you use your money is to help others.

Debora Da Silva:

Having money is not a bad thing. God doesn't say like hey, if you have money, like you're sinning, like it's not a bad thing to have Money. It's actually a good thing, it's a blessing that the Lord has provided and has given you, so don't see it as like of Something that's wrong. And I remember him saying, like I've already seen the way that you and Brendan like the way that you view money and the way that you're so quick to give to others and to like help others, and that's something that, like, you should just always have in your heart. I think hearing from my dad like someone that I obviously like really looked up to and that I trusted and like has Just taught me so much and for him to say, like hey, it's okay that you have money now, like it's a good thing.

Debora Da Silva:

It's a blessing. It's not something that you should see as a burden. But just don't let it change your heart. Don't think that because you have money now, like that, you can go after and get everything that you want and that'll fulfill you.

Brendan Da Silva:

Yeah, the same goes. Like it's good to have money, it's horrible for money to have you right, right, don't let money have you, yeah. I think for you I've definitely seen that too like even how we're spending, like do we really need that? Like it's more is need-based and Like it's your view is more need. And then, but you still have come around to like I think you think your relationship with money Was unhealthy, right? Like, oh, that's not nice, that's.

Debora Da Silva:

I was scared of it. I'm scared to have money, because I just felt like if you have money then you're gonna just like love money and then it's gonna mess up your, your life, yeah, I remember praying in the beginning of your marriage of like Lord, if this is going to change us. Please take it away. Yeah, I do not want money. I don't want it. I don't want it like just take it.

Brendan Da Silva:

I was praying very different prayers.

Debora Da Silva:

I was praying.

Brendan Da Silva:

Trust your trust, your steward, brendan, I was like try give me the double, but no 100% I'm. I think it's a great place to end off because I real estate, thus the way that real estate impacts our lives, is very real. It's monumental, it's galactic and it's Just unavoidable through our being the industry. And your relationship with money is something you have to unlike, really Deconstruct and reconstruct, because everyone has a relationship with money. Just some people have a healthier and unhealthy relationship, and your relationship with money isn't determined by how much money you have, but how much money you have is a consequence of your relationship with money. You see, I'm saying so, you give a lot of money and still have a unhealthy relationship, but if you have a very healthy relationship, money, you will get more money, facts, and then, with that money, you can do it the way you will. Right, I do see, like money has definitely changed, not just now, who you are as people. Right, because money is not like doesn't change you, like reveals you.

Brendan Da Silva:

I think money for us has revealed a lot, a lot of good things. Like we are generous, I would say we do love, like we do love sharing what we have with others, and I do think. For me it's shared, it's revealed that I'm undisciplined or I'm not detail-oriented with money, but now you could just hire out like I hired a bookkeeper to help me with that right. I am fortunate to have you, though, as like a constant, like a check and balance, almost, like you know. I mean, plus and minus is like, well, this is good, but kind of thing, no. So I'm grateful, yeah, and I'm grateful that my real estate journey has been marked with you, because, especially, that we got together before I made any money right, so it's like you know, it's true love.

Brendan Da Silva:

Oh, I think that is how you know it's true love, but it really like we were able to build together. So, when I look at what I have, I'm like, oh, I don't have this. It's like we have this and that was a big thing, my terminology, right. So it's we have this relationship, we have this life, we have our family, we have the rental properties, we have the business, we have the money, and the roles and responsibilities are very clearly divided. However, like the value we both bring is like equal and like you need, like unified, and that's why we like able to level up and, frankly, I do truly believe if I would did not get in a relationship With the right person who's phenomenal that's you, by the way my, my financial chances would have been, my success chances would have been plummeted.

Brendan Da Silva:

Why? Because if you're 24 years old and you're dating around you're 27, 29, 30, whatever you're dating around like new girl, new girl, new girl, new girl you can't focus on building everything. So unstable, you keep worrying about texting that girl back and you like can't focus on your business with you. You were so stable, right, whereas me I was so volatile my mental health, my emotional health, whatever you were overall very stable. So you were like a refugee of stability in a volatile, chaotic industry with a volatile chaotic individual. So you were like very, very like. Just you were the metronome right. Well, my love, thank you for coming on the podcast.

Brendan Da Silva:

Thank you for having me you, I would say follow dab, but she doesn't really post and that's it alright. Adios, guys. I

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