Real Lives of Real Estate w/ Brendan Da Silva
Welcome to the Real Lives of Real Estate, a brand new real estate podcast unlike any other. Your host is the #1 Realtor in Newark, NJ, Brendan Da Silva, and every week he interviews real estate professionals about how working in the industry has affected their lives and stories.
Real Lives of Real Estate w/ Brendan Da Silva
Gabriel Lopez's Approach to Nurturing Communities and Cultivating Success | Real Estate Mogul
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
When the vibrant heritage of Spanish cuisine meets the robust world of real estate, you get a story rich with tradition, triumph, and invaluable life lessons. My chat with Newark's Gabriel Lopez, a real estate developer, is an invitation to join a narrative that zigzags from the warm family environment of his childhood home to the commanding presence of his family's ventures. We pull back the curtain on how Gabriel's parents' dedication to their restaurant Don Pepe and their real estate empire laid a foundation not only for business success but for the cultivation of community spirit within the very walls of Gabriel's properties, a spirit I've been fortunate enough to witness personally.
Venture into the Lopez family ethos where the lines between affluence and humility blur, revealing the delicate act of instilling values in the next generation. Gabriel shares pearls of wisdom on how to provide your children with wings to soar while keeping their feet grounded. Our conversation weaves through tales of personal growth, the support of life partners like Gabriel's wife Sarah, and the inner battles we fight against imposter syndrome. Each story is an intricate thread in the fabric of our lives, illustrating the profound impact of those we cherish on our professional paths and personal development.
As we close this episode, I ponder the balancing act of a life well-lived. The 'three rocks' strategy emerges as a compass guiding us through daily productivity, while we acknowledge the unsung heroes in our lives who support us through the tumultuous seas of real estate. Listen to a chilling recollection of an abduction escape in Cairo before we return to Newark, where the conversation shifts to the evolution of safety, community, and urban development. The transformation of neighborhoods like South 14th Street mirrors the potential for change in all of us, epitomized by stories that connect us, challenge us, and chart a course for a future filled with hope and prosperity.
To get more insight on episodes and to apply to be on the show, visit www.BrendanDaSilva.com!
Follow Brendan on:
Instagram
Facebook
Linkedin
Visit The Da Silva Team online!
Real Estate and the Restaurant Business
Speaker 2So random like the most random thing.
Speaker 1I could do more randomly Come on, there's no more random to.
Speaker 2Beijing for years. I was kidnapped in Cairo Egypt. Kidnapped think we're on a time.
Speaker 1No, I think the time Wait get ready for real lives of real estate, where the world of real estate meets the essence of your life. Buckle up as we unravel stories, homes and the heartbeat behind it all. Let's dive into another episode. I hope you share and are encouraged. Okay, so I have the one and only Only, gabriel Lopez. Last name is Lopez, am I wrong?
Speaker 2No, it's Lopez. Okay, there we go. I just got nervous.
Speaker 1Here Lopez, a Newark native developer, friend and my landlord All true, very excited to have you on the podcast today. Thank you we are eager to have you, why don't you tell us, like I said, number one, most important fan favorite question what did the legend yourself? Right, because you are like a legend, right in a way. There's like a few legends in Newark. I consider you one of them, especially because I think your building is so cool. Maybe I'm like biased.
Speaker 2Like you have a good unit.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do, that's true. But even then, even my neighbors are coming over our apartment tonight, so even the community inside. I've made so many friends. I made a workout buddy. We've been going to the gym together in the mornings, in the building very cool yeah.
Speaker 1I love it. It's so cool and so many like young professionals in there. It's a good community. It's so good. I love it. It's like my favorite part about the building. Well, with that being said, what did you? You grew up in Newark, right, or you were born in Newark.
Speaker 2I was born in Newark. I'm not far from here, near the corner East Kenny and Jefferson Street Single family home when I was born. By the time I was born, my my dad owned the building and he owned the building. Yeah, the single family home.
Speaker 1Oh, you're on the house. Okay, yeah, exactly and I'm.
Speaker 2I was born there and they we moved to suburbs not long thereafter. But really I also raised in Newark because I spent so much time here, that, working in my parents businesses, I Went to Spanish school here Wednesdays and Saturdays on La Faire.
Speaker 1Street. What's your school?
Speaker 2Essentially school after school. So I went to high school and then an elementary school, normal like curriculum, and then would have to go to Spanish school in Newark just to learn Spanish, to make sure it was up to speed.
Speaker 1Oh, wow, okay, your parents are both Spanish or no?
Speaker 2parents are both Spanish immigrants.
Speaker 1Wow, they were they parent. Were your parents married in Spain or were they married in the States?
Speaker 2So they met in Spain, were married in Spain but my dad was ready in the United States when he technically my mom in Spain.
Speaker 1Oh yes, my dad came here was 13 and my dad's very much.
Speaker 2He wasn't born in North, he's an orc native. He went to East side, he went to La Faire Street.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2He's been here forever. This is where he launched himself.
Speaker 1Yeah, no, this is like the story for sure. I. I got asked, though, so, like growing up. So you were born in the single family here. Norak, boom, wonderful, did you ever? I always wonder this, because I grew up, I moved 13 times. By the time I was 10 or 11, right, we grew up blowing them, so we were constantly moving from apartment. We were terrible tenants. Well, my parents met, well, but did you? When? Did you come to realize, or did you ever like, was there a point that you like? Oh, my parents owned this? Did I ever? Or your dad just always assumed?
Speaker 2Well, it was too young for that realization at that point in my life, but I don't know how cognizant I was of my parents business Outside of the restaurant until much later like years because you know, growing up the real estate was Was definitely a part of our life. But In the restaurant was was my sister and I took. It was the first child.
Speaker 1Oh, wow.
Speaker 2So we grew up in the restaurant business restaurant. Dompepe. The real estate was kind of a side hustle in many ways, even what and it still is to my parents in many ways, even though you know, putting aside Important the portfolio is and what represents in the projects we have, it's still to them A side business. No, it's become my primary business, but it's the restaurant is their baby.
Speaker 1I don't know your parents portfolio. It's like totally fine. But just to give the listeners a framework, here You're talking about a very successful restaurant. Been around on Dompepe on Route 21,. Right, how long has it been around? 1982 okay, 1982, 40 years. You guys just celebrated 40 years, right, unbelievable the restaurant business.
Speaker 2I mean, that is. It's unbelievable, it's incredible. It's like Spanish immigrants die, like every year, every day.
Speaker 1It's like every six minutes a restaurant dies.
Speaker 2It's true, yeah.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, so from there, your parents and you, you guys amass like a large real estate portfolio. I got imagine like several hundred units, if not more, maybe a thousand years, to this point, who knows. And your parents feel like that's a side Because he just so passionate about the restaurant.
Speaker 2Yeah, and it occupies so much of their time and attention and, frankly, it's their passion, it's what they love. Think the real estate Havent me something they were good at as well Actually my dad but Growing up always felt kind of like it was annoyance to him, like an Indistraction almost. And the restaurant is where he wants to be. He's there every night, he's there seven days a week.
Speaker 1Is he still there now, right every day? No way, so yeah, yeah, you're telling me lunch and dinner seven days a week.
Speaker 2You can see him he's busing table sari nights yeah, he's there's no way.
Speaker 1That's true. Is that a thousand percent sure? Oh my god.
Speaker 2I'll say it's all you know. I died. He's the hardest working person, I've ever met Both my parents.
Speaker 1What do you think the difference is? You know now, obviously, like we're like a little bit different, I don't gave how old are you, I don't know how old you are 39 39.
Speaker 1Okay, I'm 29, right, so we're 10 year apart. We're one decade with different generation. I find that the narrative around my generation is that we're very in like even Gen Z, like very Lazy, right, like unbelievable. But I consistently find people like my father is the hardest working man ever have met my life right. I I can still find people in the like the 50 and above who are working to be the hardest, most disciplined, unbelievable, committed, like just do not know, almost feel, almost like they don't have a battery. It's just like they are endless, like the energized buddy. What do you think the difference is? How do they get this? Like? What gets your dad going seven days a week at this age, at this point of his career, busing tables?
Speaker 2I don't know if he knows an alternative universe. I think he, they my parents came from humble beginnings, from poverty, and they had to work hard. He loved America, he loves Newark and he loved that he could work hard and succeed and then there was a path there.
Speaker 2He, I don't think he ever he didn't grow up with the ability to enjoy, you know, free time. He didn't have like a social life. So in his case he, I think he's just the way he's programmed to condition. At this point he doesn't really know anything else but to work and it's really his passion. He also did. He also just loves it, like he loves being there.
Speaker 1My father is by no means like. My father is successful in many ways as a father right, it's a business owner. He's always tried, struggled to try it and he's shown me what it means like never give up. His endurance, his commitment, his grit is profound and I talked to my dad once and I said, dad, why don't you? Because his health was in decline. Said dad, why don't you come? You can live with me. He said I just retire. Like just come live with me. We have extra room. We got have an Airbnb. I can put you in your own apartment, just like relax.
Speaker 1He said, brian, when I stopped working and he told me this like four years ago. He's like when the day I stopped working is a day I die, hmm, that's the beginning of my death. And I didn't understand. I was very hurt by it at the time. I said, oh my gosh, my dad's not understanding. Like this is really important, right, like gosh. And then I realized something talks to my mother. Him and my mother are divorced and I shared this with her. I said what are you? How do I help a man who doesn't want to be helped? And my mom said this. He said my mom said that, she said it, who is your father? If he doesn't work, if he doesn't have something to do, if he doesn't have problems to solve, who is he? And when she said that to me, I realized like his, like you're right, it's like conditioning, it's like they're so programmed. My father literally lacks the ability to have, like, enjoy free time. Yeah, he lacks it.
Speaker 1He doesn't know physically, he doesn't know how does it.
Speaker 2I mean it looks like you know someone almost with 80d or something like. You put my dad alone in a room like he's just starts pacing and that's my father just wants to Do something else.
Speaker 1That's my dad. I told my dad, my dad, you are the poster child for a DD, the child, a DD and OCD. Because you be like, oh, it's not right, oh, that's not right, oh, that's not right.
Speaker 2I mean, there's it's. He's a workaholic, for sure. Yeah, he also actually.
Speaker 1He, frankly, really does enjoy it at a point, though, like you can't really be upset with him for it. Right, like I feel like the way my dad now. I'm like even though, like I don't agree and I think he's working himself too hard right, I'm like, oh, you need to take better care of your health, you need to relax more. Just, you know, calm, enjoy. He really does like, and if you ask my dad you enjoying your life about, I love my life. He like loves it. So it doesn't feel like when he talks about work, it's actually more joyful than like certain people in our industry. Right, the real estate agent space here in Newark they talk about like a drag, like it's like a burden. My father talks about like it's a biggest joy, literally probably one of the biggest joys in his life.
Speaker 2Yeah, no, I mean, it's very similar. And to answer your question, you know I didn't grow up poor. Yeah, my parents paved the way, so I I unlike him had, you know, a social life and had nicer things. You could enjoy the so I could. You know I enjoyed them and it's it just makes you a different person. I work hard, but I don't work as hard, nearly as hard as my parents do so there's like said that expression right Like, the first generation will make it, makes it.
Speaker 1The second iteration will bring it forward. The third generation Will like, waste it. The fourth generation will blame the, the fourth will blame the third. Right like, but like that kind of thing? Do you feel like you are working at a higher? Not, maybe not compare like, given like that you had the ability to educate your spike at a high? You know, here in America, right, I'm assuming you're? Did your dad go to college?
Speaker 2No, another appearance. What's a college?
Speaker 1Oh my god, this is so beautiful, it's so crazy. So you were able to get college education, you were able to get firsthand mentorship from your father, and you were able to really like, build down, pave your own way too, like, which is beautiful here. Do you feel, though Maybe you don't work as hard, you still are getting. It seems like you're getting a lot done.
Speaker 2I mean. So my sister and I were the first ones go to college, and our family my sister went to Harvard, so set the bar very very high and my parents stressed us growing up that Education's everything regardless of what you do. You're gonna have a hell of an education and you're gonna work hard and make sure you get that education and to this day they still believe in continue education. You know if I say I want to go to school tomorrow. They'll support me.
Speaker 2They're like this is great, that's the best password for them you like. There's, they say they know that's like the ingredients to success.
Speaker 1Wow.
Speaker 2I have a chip in my shoulder, you know, partly because you know I was given so much. And when you're born on third base and home base, like I want to feel, like I want to prove to others that I belong you know here. So I I work hard with that chip my shoulder.
Speaker 1Okay, so you work okay. So it's interesting, your parents, you would say, worked, and it is really interesting how real estate shaped you. Because if you were, if you were just born to like, let's say, born in a different, more like average ambition, average life, you may be not even, you would never even think about these things, right? But because it's, and for me I got to see, I still see it honestly.
Parental Concerns in Real Estate Ethics
Speaker 2It's the example like grew up with, and I mean I work with my parents every day and see it. So the worry I have now for my kids is that they're not going to see it as the way I see it, because I go home and I you know what's that?
Speaker 1Can you stick them in the restaurant? Well, absolutely, oh, you will, for real, yeah, for sure. Oh, I love that, of course, yeah.
Speaker 2But you don't want to raise, you know, assholes Like you want kids that are humble and want to work hard, and it's seeing that connection between hard work success. You know it's important.
Speaker 1I would say incredible, incredible, incredible truth. I would probably you probably shouldn't put your kids in the non-peppy restaurant, though you should probably put them in a different restaurant, like a family friend restaurant.
Speaker 2But you have more for my dad? Oh, it's not, it's actually more brutal. Oh yeah, 100 percent. There's no nepotism, oh OK.
Speaker 1That's probably. That's probably a tough pill to swallow, right, but it's good because we're on like two different sides of fence. I am like I find so much identity and so much like I think maybe similar to your dad to a degree. I love that I have the opportunity to make something like if I work I can actually produce like its meritocracy right.
Speaker 1And I saw my parents they really struggled so much finances and I saw the toll that took on them and I just like at 13 years old I was door knocking for like household chores in Rutherford. I was like, hey, can I help you with any chores Groceries bring? Like I was in the 60s or something. Or like shoveling right before school. They was just no, I would still shovel even if the school was just the late opening because you can make 100 bucks. You know what I mean. So it was like I always had that as a kid and I would. Then I sold lollipops. I got arrested for selling a lot and I rested. I got suspended for selling lollipops in school. I got arrested for selling weed in school. I was always selling something.
Speaker 2You got the entrepreneurial bug, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1But I think it came from like my dad. Growing up he I would always see him sell and then I would always see him help people and even like one of my favorite stories about my father and kind of like the opposite of the real estate. Right, because like, how real estate happened is we were going through a tough time at a property, one place we're renting and, like my dad took so, just, it was like a lot, it was very, very small house. So when you have a small house and you have four kids and you're broke, a lot of conflict can happen, right, because you can give yourself your own corner to calm down. So my dad takes me and my brother out one day.
Speaker 1We go to Penn Station. We're in Penn Station and there was a man who was homeless and he's, like you know, asking for money and he gets into McDonald's where you McDonald's in Penn Station in Newark, and the manager kicked the guy out, saying how are you doing here? But it wasn't like a normal kick out, it was like aggressive. And my dad stands up and says, hey, hey, hey, he's eating with us. What are you doing, man, don't worry. Oh no, sir, it's a miss. He wasn't mad at the guy. He didn't combat the manager. He almost apologized to the manager as if it was a misunderstanding on him. He's like I'm so sorry, I didn't realize.
Speaker 1My friend, here this guy always gets come on over, john, and like we're like nine years old Me, I'm nine, my brother probably seven or eight and six and we're having this meal with this random man. So, seeing that I like, and I saw how my dad, I would see how hard he worked, we didn't have anything, but then he had this man sit down with us and like share a meal. So I'm seeing that I'm like this is crazy. And I saw when he bought it the guy was so grateful. I'm like whoa and I could see the exchange of money happening. The guy got food, he sat down with us, we all got to eat out McDonald's and everyone was so happy.
Speaker 1So, from those early memories, I realized I was like money is so important and it is so critical. Do you feel, though, with like, you have like a different approach when it comes to like real estate, as opposed like the previous generation, as like as Newark has evolved so much? Oh yeah.
Speaker 2I mean we. It's a different business. My dad, I think, would call himself more a real estate investor, in the sense that it's not his core, primary function, and this is crazy.
Speaker 1I'm sorry.
Speaker 2Yeah, to me it's a business that I'm focused on, namely, like the development business, growing it, building it out, hiring people doing projects of a certain size. It's a different business. Yes, a lot of the real estate is inherited right, but where we're going now it's a different line of business.
Intersecting Lives and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
Speaker 1Oh for sure, Even keep. I'm going to be honest. I'm just realizing right now, during this podcast, how much you and I have intersected without intersecting, because every when I grew up, we would go to CCP. We always drive route 21, we always eat on Pepe. You're probably there a lot of the nights because we would go to Sunday night service and you probably would bus and table.
Speaker 2Yeah right.
Speaker 1And then I remember when you guys bought the lot across the street from my church CCP.
Speaker 2I remember when you bought 55 Union and you guys tore down the gray bar electric building warehouse and then you guys tore down to me. I remember that whole parking lot.
Speaker 1Yes, jnl, jnl. What's a JNL parking? Yeah, jnl parking. I remember this whole thing vividly, vividly. Meanwhile, I had no idea that in a decade later, or 15 years later, 10 years, five years later, whatever I would be moving in to the building.
Speaker 2That would go up. It's incredible.
Speaker 1And then I would have a new friend across the way, With this said, moving into more of like the personal life, if you will. How does it look like your wife? I met her on this past Monday. Oh, by the way, good job at the summit.
Speaker 2Thank you, that was good. I usually don't like doing those things.
Speaker 1I mean.
Speaker 2I don't like public speaking, but it's one of those things where I want to keep doing it because I want it to practice. But you have to embrace it kind of in a leadership position.
Speaker 1Yeah, how do you stay humble in on a crowd like an added platform at that level?
Speaker 2You got like thousands of units on the way. I see myself as the same as any human. Yeah, it is interesting.
Speaker 1I'm working on that too.
Speaker 2For the opposite, like I went to the If anything I have, I feel like imposter syndrome, I mean we all do a certain degree, yeah, but like you said I was, I'm always battling internally to be like you know I belong here for you know, a good reason?
Speaker 1What would be the reason you feel as though you do belong?
Speaker 2What would be the reason?
Speaker 1Yes, Like that's a how would you fight the imposter syndrome, or how would you encourage someone to fight the imposter syndrome? Because I feel that too, for sure.
Speaker 2Affirmations, proof. You know I love seeing evidence. I'm a lawyer, so I think I've responded well when I see like just the proof and the pudding and say you know, I did that. Or, you know, just talk to yourself internally, be like whatever you think may be true, you know, come at it. Be like you know. I know actually it's not true.
Speaker 1And when you say it's not true, do you give proof to that?
Speaker 2Yeah, absolutely Okay, so it's really like an inward dialogue 100%.
Speaker 1Yeah, do you do that, Like, for instance, right before you get, like saying example we gave on Monday. Right before you get on stage, or even leading up to when you hear that doubt, you're like wait, that's actually. You know, I actually did do something amazing.
Speaker 2I do it all the time. Oh right, I even do it at home with my wife. I mean, I, I, yeah, all the time.
Speaker 1Oh, I met your wife, by the way. That was wonderful. How, how, where did you meet your wife and what's your name? Again, remind me.
Speaker 2Sarah's Sarah. So I met Sarah in New York. I just graduated from law school, studying for the bar in 2012. And I ran into her at a bar, at a birthday party a mutual best friend and made a beelender.
Speaker 1And she's the deal.
Speaker 2Seriously yeah.
Speaker 1And how soon thereafter were you guys married.
Speaker 2Uh, 2003 years later, oh so pretty, that's pretty.
Speaker 1I would say, that's pretty fast.
Speaker 2Yeah, pretty, fast, yeah Pretty normal.
Speaker 1Yeah, Pretty sorry, pretty fast. Yeah, I had a friend recently. They waited six years before he gang engaged. So what are you? What are you thinking? Six years, you, what are you doing? And they said, no, no, no, we want to take our time.
Speaker 2I said big decision.
Speaker 1I said big decision, but six years Come on. Either you know, you don't at that point, because you probably waited two or years or so to get proposed right.
Speaker 2Uh, I proposed uh, yeah, a year.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, a year than two year engagement, or you, you went to four seasons. You saw, I probably would have proposed within the first month.
Speaker 2It was actually acceptable. Stop what gave you such confidence. Um, just felt good, felt right.
Speaker 1And clearly it was a decade later. Paid off yeah Right, so you can't read.
Speaker 2Two kids. The proof is in the pudding.
Speaker 1Okay, and would she come from a real estate background or?
Speaker 2no, sarah is an art advisor. She's in the art world. Um, I know it's, it's. She's got, I always say, the most interesting job and the best job in the world, but she's got her own clients, she own business.
Speaker 1What does she do?
Speaker 2She helps her clients collect art, find art, buy art, sell art.
Speaker 1Oh, so she's very knowledgeable in the art space. Yeah, what kind of art?
Speaker 2Yeah, she was a um art history major and went uh, got our masters in art and worked for some impressive galleries and advisors.
Speaker 1Oh, wonderful and wow.
Speaker 2Contemporary.
Speaker 1How does okay, contemporary art gotcha when? How does your real estate development business, your career path, the family dynamic, you know the ambition that you have, that kind of like inward drive, like I will. I'm grateful I acknowledge I live in that place by reject imposter syndrome. I'm pressing forward. How has uh Sarah played a role in that? How has that impacted her?
Speaker 2Sarah is very different in the sense that she has a ton of inward confidence and affirmations. It's a great thing for me, a great compliment, cause I'm always self-dating or questioning or cynical. She's not an optimist Like internally, like just perpetually like optimistic and I'm like jaded and always questioning people. And um so like weary yeah, and you get that a lot in real estate.
Speaker 1I would say I feel the same.
Speaker 2Often, I always complain to her, especially in development so much of your job. You're constantly put in an adversarial position, whether it's like inherent situation or people just assume your adversarial because um you're a developer or a landlord and um, it's tough, it's straining, right it's your constantly painful because you have this all true, especially you.
Speaker 1I've seen like you have uh, you have such an all like you value altruism, so much you really care for the good, even like you gave this story about. Uh, airbnb wants like ran off floor right Of your ability. And you were like no, and I'm like thinking, I'm like it would have been the best tenant possible.
Speaker 2Airbnb offered to rent a half the building, I think, or maybe it was more than half the building before we opened up it's a 403 unit building.
Speaker 1So Airbnb offered to rent over 200 units of your building and you said no, we said no.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's not a short term rental building. These are long term rentals. But Airbnb sub-leasing that business model. I don't pretend to know all the different companies in the space, but there's trade-offs and, putting aside any judgment about Airbnb, it's a successful business. It's not really compatible with the way we manage a long term building like 55 Union. We value high retention. Knowing your neighbors is great, being able, from a managed perspective, to know who's living in the building, to be able to correspond with them on a regular basis in an event of emergency. There's also security and access control issues if you don't know who's in the building. But overall I would say the community suffers if there's that kind of turnover.
Speaker 2And the staff too, because the team has to prepare the units right, that's true, it's a huge amount of turnover, but it's not really compatible with what we're trying to achieve.
Speaker 1Truly a man who values altruism, because he would have made you so much money so quickly, so easily. You wouldn't have to deal with leasing.
Speaker 2Maybe in the short term. I don't think long term it's a good move.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay, you have with Sarah, I think, such a dynamic similar to Deb and I right You're saying with a real estate. It's so wonderful that with my wife she supports me and I have grown very cynical. I tell my wife the other day I think I just determined that every person I have to be cautious at every single interaction I have with any human being For any purpose, especially me, because I grew up in a more low income community, right, so even my friends, family, et cetera. I think stuff like I'm not a rich guy, I'm just a little bit further ahead, it just gets messy.
Speaker 1And then when it comes to our team. We're a small team. I get very close to our employees and our team members right and very, very close. So when a team member leaves, or when a team member betrays or acts in a way that it's directly and it's inconsistent with something.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's painful, and even when you see, hey, I just need to give this person an actual push, but this is actually not my job. I care for them, I want them to win, I'm just going to go. It's like okay, respecting that boundary, deb's like so your peers are very important. Very important.
Speaker 2So professionally and personally.
Speaker 1What does that look like to you professionally and personally?
Speaker 2I think professionally it's something, it's a lesson I've learned over and over again because, like you, I value employees.
Speaker 2I get really emotionally involved in their growth and I want them to do well and I think what it looks like is one realizing that as much as we are a family business, it is a family business. Employees are not your family and we don't. I don't want to ever represent that because at the end of the day, they're getting paid to do a job and they may lose their job and it's not fair to them to be like your family because they could lose a job. Right and the boundary looks like clear kind of communication.
Speaker 2You can be kind and nice but, also make sure that a job gets done, that people don't take advantage, and being very clear I think that's essential in business with your employees is a boundary is just that it's saying this is what I need, this is what I want, this is what's expected of you. Very intentionally behavior. There's a culture of kindness at J&L but, it doesn't come at the expense of not doing your job.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's a culture of kindness with accountability, and I think actually you are being very kind by setting. I agree. Yeah, I think there's no other way around it and I have really struggled with that. I used to do a compliment sandwich Like, hey, you're doing a really good job. I just see this that all your projects that you were supposed to get done are all behind tasks.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1If you could just really take a look at that, because that's not really not an alignment.
Speaker 2what we value here, and that's good. If you can do that, you're miles ahead than those people, because it's. Brother, but you got to flex that muscle, you got to develop that muscle.
Speaker 1Here's what I learned though I would give them the happy, the crap and the happy, guess what? All they would hear is the happy. They would not ever change the crap. So now what I do is I say Practice, yeah, I go. I'm much more like hey, I'm really worried about this behavior that I see. Can you help me understand? Is something going on? And then I just go, okay, they talk a little bit and you can immediately see if it's like a victim mentality or like, oh well, you know what, this will happen and that happened. Then it's like victim, very hard to coach. But if it's like well, actually, yeah, there were these macro factors, but ultimately I could have done this and this better, okay, how would you recommend doing like personal boundaries, in terms of like real estate world, like, because you are real estate, I'm sure over the time someone's probably actually like hey, listen, I'm in this situation, can you give me an apartment or something?
Prioritizing Family and Simplifying Life
Speaker 2Oh, my God, happens all the time. That's a no, I think, personal, I have built boundaries just around my life, I think I constantly, daily, strive to simplify my life. I don't say yes often I said yes to those podcasts, for example but my priorities are my family, certain hobbies, some friends and that's it. I think the boundary is knowing that and. I don't want to overcomplicate it. It's simplifying the things in my life but then deepening those things that are in my life.
Speaker 1Wow, I think what you said there, like even you saying yes to the podcast, it does come at like a big cost. Yeah, I mean it comes in professionally personally. I'm choosing to be here.
Speaker 2I'm not sure, but I wanted to cheer you on. I'm a big fan of yours. Yeah, I'm a big fan of yours. I think your energy is wonderful. It's exactly what Newark needs more of.
Speaker 1Oh my gosh, we don't. We don't make a clip of that. We got the game sponsorship right there, but I'm sick of approval. I do appreciate that and it is honor because I know by you saying yes to this event, to the podcast, you're saying notes of many other things.
Speaker 2And likewise you inviting me you can say you can be inviting others.
Speaker 1Correct and you shared something with me once. You probably don't remember. It was at the last event, 55 Union. If you're looking for an apartment, come through. It was the last event they do you guys do like monthly. It's almost monthly by monthly. I think you guys do events there.
Speaker 2Community events. Community events we aim to do quarterly.
Speaker 1Quarterly, it feels like monthly. Maybe time's flying, I don't know.
Speaker 2Like the terms of the social stuff, quarterly. We're going to also be doing more community related events, so it may feel like more than quarterly.
Speaker 1I have one recommendation I would love a monthly yoga session.
Speaker 2We're working on it, ok. Yes, I heard someone. I did the trainer in the mix.
Speaker 1Yeah, I heard a developer in the summit saying they do yoga sessions for their building. I said, oh, I got to get. This guy gave to get some yoga, I got to get flexible limber Done. But last time we were there you said I was like oh, what is your work life like? My goal is to be home every day for dinner, gabe. When you told me that you don't understand, that impacted me profoundly.
Speaker 2How so.
Speaker 1Because for me that was, that was about three months ago, two months ago, and I was going through just personally. I was going through a lot with Deb and I was trying to fit in time to have dinner with Deb, my wife and my son, maverick right, and my mother and my brother. They all my brother, my sister and my brother and I all get together every Thursday night for dinner and so often I find myself making choosing work over that family dinner meal.
Speaker 1And it's like seven people. You know it's within my two nieces. It's very sacred. So I said, ok, there's no way in the world I have more responsibility than Gabe. There's no way, there's no way in the world I'm working in terms of like, value creation more than Gabe is Like, very like money is value, right and opportunities that you build as value. So I'm not creating as much value as you are. That's fact objective. How is Gabe prioritizing this dinner with his family more than I prioritize my dinner? And when that happened, I said I got to be home for dinner a lot more often and it was just like a. It just was like a non-negotiable.
Speaker 2It's a choice, it's a priority right.
Speaker 1And what did you? And I thought to myself afterwards. I thought about this for weeks, honestly, I even talked to a few people about it. I said this guy told me something I don't know, I can't believe it's true. Logically, I just played out like in my head I said what is he saying no to, in order for him to be like at dinner so often? And then you told me something else. You said once a week I drop off my son at school, right? Or once a week, or once every other week I tried to.
Speaker 2yeah, probably less. I mean once every few weeks. Okay, once every few weeks.
Speaker 1But even then I said the intentionality, I said I have to be a father like this, I have to be present.
Speaker 2Here's the key part is that, yes, you have to be present, and that is, as you know, so so hard. I don't care who you are, yeah it's tough. Being present is strangely and stupidly difficult.
Speaker 1Isn't it?
Speaker 2But you have to design your life to have those priorities Take place.
Speaker 1What do you mean by that? Design your life.
Work-Life Balance and Supportive Partnerships
Speaker 2I mean I can work all night. I have enough to do at my desk where I could be working until midnight every night. For the rest of my life. Real. But what I'm saying is, if I'm gonna go home and leave the office by certain times, knowing that there's traffic and I have to, you know I want to start my time with my kids I have to actively design that, literally create that time block to leave the office.
Speaker 2To get there. It's not just okay, no matter what, I'm dropping the pencil, I'm doing that, but I have to make sure that I do ABC and D that day, so that my professional life is actually still effective and I can still run my organization the way it should, so it's if I'm not in the office at that time. My point is that that day has to be designed deliberately to allow myself to leave at that time.
Speaker 1Wow, so it's a lot of forward planning in order to have that, so even a higher degree of intentionality.
Speaker 2Every. The first thing I do when I come in the office in the morning is before I turn on my computer, because I know that's dangerous once I send emails is about five 10 minutes of a notepad. I will lay out the three things that I have to do that day to be successful. No matter what like these three things, I have to honor them and they have to move.
Speaker 1Well, no matter. These are the three rocks of my day.
Speaker 2I have to be and those three things this is the hard part is figuring out what is actually moving the needle, because I can easily input something that is easy, or a checklist item, or something that isn't actually gonna make a difference. But whether it's an HR issue, whether it's a report, whether it's a lease, whether it's a design, it doesn't matter. I have to be true to myself, like these three things matter for the business and I have to do it. No one else can do it, Because if someone else can do it, I probably shouldn't have a list.
Speaker 1Well, if someone else yeah, I think I'm getting to that place too. I read a book. It was called Buy Back your Time right or the Buy Back Principle, and basically it had you like. It said let's say I make 200,000 a year, right, and there's about 2,000 working hours a year, average like 2,080, it's like 40 hour workbook, whatever. Maybe you're working 50, but they say go off that. So you divide the 200,000, I'm gonna do my math, I'm gonna do my math right. So let's say they do 200,000. So it said you're making $100 an hour. Let's just use easy math. Oh, that was simple math actually. So it's 100,000 an hour.
Speaker 1They said any task that you can delegate for 20, like a fourth of the time, a fourth, a fraction, right, fourth of the hourly wage, let's say $100, $25, you cannot do. He said, because every time you do you do two things One, you are losing $75 of higher produced activities and two, you're actually this is the unique part, because I've heard that so many times leverage, delegate, right. But a second was like you're actually robbing someone else of an opportunity to have like gainful employment. So you're actually being very selfish, you're lowering the business's top line and you're hurting people's opportunity to have a real job.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's really a stuff. Now, okay, I gotta go back to Sarah. So, because I think the marriage is so underrated, because people in real estate like Sarah was not on stage with you, right, but Sarah was on the crowd, she was cheering you on. So much Do you feel like, because in real estate development it's not all rainbows and sunshine, right, it's high stress.
Speaker 2High stress, high stakes.
Speaker 1High. It's like you're a poker player, almost right. How does that impact Sarah? Do you tell her about these things? Do you not tell her about them? Do you kind of keep it to yourself?
Speaker 2No, I do tell her I share, and Sarah has helped me create a safe space at home where, with time, I've learned not to bring that to the forefront when I arrived. Doesn't mean I won't bring it up with her when I'm at some point, but we've been able to create two very separate worlds. When I come home Doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it, but I'm not leading with it. I'm home to see my kids and enjoy my family.
Speaker 1Do you feel, as she absorbs the stress as well, or is she more of a oh my God? Incredibly well, it's not stressful to her.
Speaker 2I mean it's stressful if it's preoccupying me and it's affecting our family life, but she can give very quick and definitive responses. And the best part, honestly, of this situation is that her advice is spot on, which I mean. I don't take that for granted.
Speaker 1Your wife's advice. Who's an art guru?
Speaker 2I'm gonna call her, so I could do anything. Though she's incredibly smart, she's a business woman too, like she.
Speaker 1Wow, and she's able to give you advice on real estate development even though she's not in real estate.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, yeah. The great thing is that she's in design, though which? Is prevalent in real estate.
Speaker 1That's true.
Speaker 2So to share that passion with her and to be able to use her as a soundboard is awesome.
Speaker 1Yeah, I would have contrasting my marriage right With Deb. She I'm very manic and it's like immaturity, right, Like my reactivity, my pulsivity, and even with serving clients. It's so funny because when I work with a homeowner, right, and you know, here in Newark, I say, hey, let's sell your property, super calm, right, I feel like I'm a different person. My whole forward is, okay, let's be like, not just real estate agents, let's be a real estate planner. So whenever I speak to somebody who's looking to sell their house, I always say, okay, where are you looking to go?
Speaker 1It's the first question, because everyone wants to sell their house, make money. Okay, do you know where you're moving? You don't even know where you're moving. Or the second I say, okay, let's say it's investment property, like, oh, the price is what now? But I'm only making 4,500 a month in rent, I'm gonna sell this, I'm gonna walk away with 300 grand. I say that's so awesome, great, so excited for you. You know there's tax implications with that earning, right. So what are you planning to do with that money? So, really understanding the real estate planning world, right, boom, that's a different side of me, right Of like calm. But when I'm running the business, I can feel very like oh, young and fiery and hot headed. So when I go to Deb, deb doesn't really give me like insight too much in terms of like do we buy this property or not buy this property? Right?
Speaker 1She's like she's not running like un-writing.
Speaker 1No, it's not there's another Right, she's not running un-writing there, she's just like if you think it's good, I think it's good. But what Deb helps me with profoundly is are the people in my business and how I relate to them and how I lead them, cause she'll like I'll pick oh my gosh, this person's. I can't take this person, I gotta fire them, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then that would be like oh, I'm so sorry I feel that way about. Can you tell me more about that?
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1And like and as I'm talking, deb, I somehow at the end I realized wait, I'm the one who's unreasonable, not the other person.
Speaker 2I've been there so many times. Yeah, sarah provides something similar, with the added benefit that she's able to review stone and brick and real estate materials and help me.
Speaker 1Yeah, well, maybe one day I'm a developer, then I'll have to get Deb to go to some classes and help with design. But no, yeah, that's really. I think the women in our lives who you marry must be the most important decision in terms of like your life, Like a stable home, is very important.
Speaker 2It can't cause that's really like your piece right. It gives you a lot of energy, it's.
Speaker 1I have a friend who, him and his wife, have been going back. They're also in real estate space. With a shift in the market, you know that took place with interest rates rising, finally coming down a little bit, but his income he was expanding quicker than he should have. Finances were not aligned, a lot stressed there and it kind of revealed some marital flaws and his house has been literally a place of Stress for him, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1So it's like Brandon, it is brutal for me because I'm going home and my marriage is not well and at the same time, I have real people who need me a show for them at work. And for the first time I have like this clear path. It seems like either I'm gonna choose the business or I'm gonna choose my wife. Yeah, and I said well, you got to choose your wife. Yeah, there's not like there's not, there's no one else. Like the business, these people will leave you and you may love them. You may feel God gave them to you for you to lead great. Literally, though, this is like your first and most priority commitment. But he was having difficult time. It's like I built this up over 10 years. I'm like you can always rebuild this marriage, is you cannot. It's very tough once it goes down.
Speaker 2You don't want to pour from an empty cup, right?
Speaker 1Even you. You're tired of the office. You come home You're having the chaos right. Imagine having his wife. We really got very upset with him. Overall. He was very absent in the kids life and she was like Barred him verbally.
Speaker 1He's like when I don't want to go home, every time I go home we're gonna fight. I said okay, then maybe you should stay home and just like, not go to the office for a while, get some marriage counseling, work on this, because you real estate. It can give you a freedom in your life. You can go on vacations nice, you can provide stability wonderful. But if you ends up giving you so much stress that you're unable to be home when you're home, yeah, totally yeah.
Speaker 1I'm serious. And then I had a friend who just got divorced game and I saw the divorce it destroyed, his business Destroyed, and I said, okay, you wash your wife, you wash your kids and you wash your money, was it?
Speaker 2how do you have so much energy?
Speaker 1For me, severe ADHD. No, honestly, my energy. I do have a lot of energy. I work out, which is a big blessing, I think, working as one. Oh, you play soccer in college club? Yeah, this was, that was amazing.
Speaker 2You love the gym at 55, you know I love the gym at 55.
Speaker 1The gym at 55. He's gonna be back in shape, but no it's a good gym.
Speaker 2I designed that gym.
Speaker 1I know you did because it's like such a. It's honestly. I'm functional gym I brought my friend who's a personal trainer in New York City. He like treat, no, he licenses people in New York City like they have one of the top schools there and like a Brooklyn I had they have two schools, whatever, it is Casey Hogan, very nice guy. I was showing him and he was like, oh, this gym has literally everything you could possibly need, thank you. He's like he has an assault bike right this is like.
Speaker 1So very, very they see this in gyms and buildings. So, oh yeah, great boom anyways. My energy, though, comes from severe ADHD and Passion but not a night.
Speaker 2You're able to shut it down.
Speaker 1Yeah, good question. My wife would tell you. This is how I am. I'm so energetic and I'm I will like Honestly Moan to my wife. I'm like she, she wanted to go back like 10 o'clock, 10, 30. I'm like can we just stay up and play? Right like a child and she like, let's just like lay in bed for five minutes In ten minutes and then if you're still like awake, yeah, let's talk.
Speaker 2But every time.
Speaker 1I go to bed in five minutes. I'm always passed out. So I think I feel like I have energy, but in reality my body is actually tired. Like there's a disconnect between like what I think and what I, my body actually wants. Like today, I don't think I should have worked today. I think my body's tell me like that a wedding yesterday. I got home at 1 am.
Speaker 1So this birthday, yeah, yeah, I was like I gotta go to sleep. And then I woke up, though I had like, oh, I have things to do. Well, my body's like no, you should really just like go get massage. Okay, what do you think you would be doing right now if you weren't?
Speaker 2in real estate because I do think that even despite the family business, I probably would be in real estate.
Speaker 1But Um so.
Speaker 2I probably doing something with international work. I've always had a. I lived in China for four years. I don't know if I knew that what you do in. China. I worked in the hybrid job between the US embassy in the US Chamber of Commerce in Beijing, so I studied abroad in Beijing in college, spent a couple summers and semester there.
Speaker 1Did you learn?
Speaker 2Beijing for three and a half years.
Speaker 1Did you learn Mandarin yeah?
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, study Chinese for four years, wait. So before I got went to law school, I've worked in Beijing for a few years, worked in DC on China, went to law school, worked at a law firm. My first year law firm was focused on international arbitration. So I had this Wow, china, travel international bug. And To my parents credit, because I've always been interested in real estate. But they let me, you know, pursue that. They said, go to China. If this is what you want to do, do it. Eventually I came back to real estate but, um, I probably doing. I imagine something like that.
Speaker 1Can I? How was China Incredible?
Speaker 2amazing. I was there in the lead up to the Olympics.
Speaker 1Wow.
Speaker 2It is exciting time to be there. Tons of Real estate development, tons of development, a lot of amazing energy like people like you flying around just wow, excited, excited to be there nice. I mean, I thought I was infinitely interested. I got to travel to like 30 provinces in China, travel a lot in Asia amazing. I had a really great experience.
Speaker 1Wow, cities that probably. How do you think that's impacted you and your real estate career, now that like such a unique experience?
Speaker 2to see development at that scale and to see it happen like an entire population mobilize first for an event like the Olympics, for example, and to see so many projects going at once to process that, to see that it's. I don't even know how that's affected me, but I have a place like Newark, which has some activity but it doesn't. It pales in comparison like that right. And what was cool to see how Decisive trees all mobilized towards like one goal.
Speaker 1Wow, that's incredible.
Unexpected and Dangerous Experiences Abroad
Speaker 2Like, everyone wanted the same thing.
Speaker 1Do you ever play the game to troops in a lie? You could use that as a true back. Yeah, I actually. I lived in Beijing for four years. So random, like the most random thing.
Speaker 2I could do more randomly.
Speaker 1Well, come on, there's no more random than Beijing.
Speaker 2For years I was kidnapped in Cairo, Egypt.
Speaker 1Can't nap.
Speaker 2I think we're out of time. No, I think the time Drops, a mic leaves. So, 2009 the summer, I had a backpacking trip through the Middle East before law school I had organized and by myself and spent a few weeks going through Egypt, jordan, syria, lebanon, western Iraq.
Speaker 1Wow.
Speaker 2And my very first day on the trip was I landed in Cairo and it was around midnight and I had one of these like lost in translation moments. I get on the airport and there's no taxi queue. I'm like scratching my head on this international airport like how do I get to downtown Cairo? And I had a friend at this portion of the trip meeting me in Cairo and I was going to meet him at the hotel. And I get there to the airport looking for a taxi cab. Don't see any. There's a line of black taxis. You know what a black taxi is. So live overseas, especially like in China, these are common. They're they're not licensed taxis, they're guys with just you know yeah Uber before.
Speaker 2Uber exactly, and so I get one of these. I, you know he doesn't speak English, I don't speak Arabic, he I show him where I'm going in downtown Cairo. He agrees. I get in the back with my backpack and we go off. Hour goes by and I know that we're not going the direction of the city and I don't have service. This is like one in the morning and I'm starting to panic a bit. Now I'm like what do I do? I've tried to like converse with the guy in the backseat. I've tried to fake conversations on myself when to make him nervous as if, like you know, it doesn't respond to me. The only thing that is giving me some inner peace is that the the gentleman driving is tiny. He's just like he's not even five foot, like very small individual. So I said, worse comes worse, like I'll just, you know, fight him and my god keep. But I was nervous about he was taking me somewhere with other people there and this is the Middle East is my first strip. But I'm thinking like, what am I doing?
Speaker 2why do I have a situation he takes me to a junkyard, eventually drives off the highway into a junkyard and soon as the car stops I sprint out with my backpack and run like a hundred yards from the guy and the guy kind of gets out of his cab, his car, smokes a cigarette, gets in the phone don't know what he's saying, I'm just like far waiting, nowhere to go gets in his car, drives away. I kind of waited out. It's the point. We're like two, three in the morning. I start walking back to the.
Speaker 2Oh, my god, to the highway and he comes right back. I get and sprint out. At one point, like I get close to him, I start screaming at him in English to like, leave me alone. And what does he want? He gets in his car, drives away. I go in the highway hitchhike back to downtown Cairo, call authorities and report the whole thing and you're afraid of public speaking. Oh, my god Gabe that is insane, yeah that was my first trip.
Speaker 2I thought about canceling the entire trip, it was your first night first night sorry and I fortunately completed the trip, because other than that, it was a beautiful, amazing trip.
Speaker 1I don't even know what is. You have me like lost, lost words. I'm glad you're alive. It's yeah, yeah, that's. You didn't tell the parents about that when you waited till you got back to let them know.
Speaker 2I don't know. It's even like my parents know half that story.
Speaker 1Well, I'm glad you shared here what I honestly I mean I lost. That is the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 2Wow, definitely more and I went to. I mean, I went to Syria before ISIS happened in Syria and perfectly safe, amazing for the highlight of my trip. But really the highlight of your trip yeah, I thought Syria was just beautiful and spiritual and I just wow, felt so moved. But back to real estate, I don't know if that's at an impact, then I think that just made you the street cred through the roof like I'm not worried at all about Newark.
Speaker 1I got connected Cairo, you know.
Speaker 2Yeah, we'll look at the project, wow we all been marked in Newark at some point. Yeah, that's true. What can you?
Speaker 1do, even in the past. I've been now in business in Newark for seven years. Even in the past seven years the level of safety overall, I feel like, has really increased, really increased a lot in the past seven years, not just in the eastward, but even more so for me, I think, in the central ward, because six, seven years ago last time I'll share here but a little tidbit I once showed a house at like 11 am this is on like south 14th street in Newark, so really you know one of the more rough areas for sure, and I show that. I show that house right to clients and then when we're walking out of the house, there was a house center right because it was a renovated house. Back then you always had to get a house that every house that was renovated in the central ward, the investor would pay for someone to live in the house who was usually homeless, and that would be like they would go from house to house staying for not for free, but it was kind of like, you know, I mean just in case someone try break in. So I go to the house and I'm telling the clients I'm like you know, yeah, it's not the best area, but you know it's areas developing, which it is, and ultimately you know you should check it out if you're interested.
Speaker 1The house that ends up going in saying listen, I don't know what you guys are doing here, you should not buy. This house totally botches the sale. I said no worries, very honest about, but he was going a little crazy that you want, you want drugs. That person sells drugs. I was like, oh my god, so I'm like, okay, I think the guy was a little bit crazy. There's no way validating people on the district are literally selling drugs. That's a little crazy.
Speaker 1So then I get my car and I drive around the corner. When I drive around the corner, my car is pulled over and I've never been pulled over. It's my life. I was pulled. I had Tinson I pulled over to no sooner than my I'm my hand get off the steering wheel, gave these two uh, uh plane clothes officers got out of the car hands like this, ran up to my car on their uh, on their weapon and like low the window. I was on my low, my hands are outside the window.
Decrease in Crimes and House-Sitters
Speaker 1I'm terrified where. I'm like what the heck said? What were you doing at the house? They thought I was buying drugs. When I told them I was a real student of the cops told me said who would buy a house on south 14th and I was like all right, but since then there's no more. Rarely do I find house-sitters on the streets like on the renovated houses anymore. It's very rare. I had one client. They did not listen to the wisdom but they ended up their house. They get broken into and they were on south 18th and they had a house that are bad was the first house that I've seen in like two years, like very even that has been like much better violent crimes.
Speaker 2Definitely dropped off. Dropped off so much it's been even yeah still do better.
Speaker 1Oh, we have a long way to go. Yeah, a long way, but these things are working out for sure. Well, listen, gate, I'm honored that you come in thank you invitation oh, I wish I could have you on. I'm sure I'll have you on again.
Speaker 1Uh, very grateful season two season two check-in suit but no, but if you guys are looking support gate by checking out 55 union street in Newark a beautiful, beautiful development. I lived there, you'd be my neighbor. You come over for dinner, you can hang out in maverick and with deb and uh you can have these awesome quarterly hangouts because, we have an ugly christmas sweater party next week, that's right that you could be attending if you tune on it okay. Thank you, gate, appreciate you thank you.
