.jpg)
Real Lives of Real Estate w/ Brendan Da Silva
Welcome to the Real Lives of Real Estate, a brand new real estate podcast unlike any other. Your host is the #1 Realtor in Newark, NJ, Brendan Da Silva, and every week he interviews real estate professionals about how working in the industry has affected their lives and stories.
Real Lives of Real Estate w/ Brendan Da Silva
Jamie O's Secrets to Real Estate and Relationship Success
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Growing up in a multi-generational home wasn't just about shared space — it was about shared lives. Join guest Jamie O, a real estate maestro from Hudson County, as she unravels the tapestry of her childhood within a Polish community and the unspoken riches of mortgage-free communal living. Our conversation, steeped in nostalgia and wisdom, sheds light on the familial bonds and daily interactions that define not only her upbringing but also echo the happiness found in the world's "blue zones."
Embark on a candid recount of my voyage from a fledgling at Microsoft to carving a niche in the bustling real estate markets with Keller Williams and eXp Realty. The sheer tenacity needed to navigate the turns of this industry is not just a story of career changes but of personal metamorphosis. The sacrifices made, the hustle required, and the discipline embraced all come into play as we uncover the realities behind the glitz of "Million Dollar Listing" and the grounded, gritty nature of property sales in New Jersey.
Let's untangle the intricate web of masculine and feminine energies in the dance of relationships and career. We delve into the world of alpha individuals, their quest for balance between assertive professional personas and the solace of their personal lives, and how emotional intelligence is the cornerstone of thriving partnerships. Our discussion transcends the boardroom, touching on the finer points of communication in marriage and the delicate art of nurturing a financial partnership, offering a lens into the lives of those who lead with both ambition and heart.
To get more insight on episodes and to apply to be on the show, visit www.BrendanDaSilva.com!
Follow Brendan on:
Instagram
Facebook
Linkedin
Visit The Da Silva Team online!
Real Lives of Real Estate
Speaker 1If we want to tell you something, we know how to tell you. You can't tell us how you feel about anything. Like it's really hard to get that out of you and then so you can't even handle your own emotions not you, and just in general. And it's a never-ending revolving door of male and female and masculine and feminine energy. So my one advice to men is don't be afraid to get in touch with your feelings.
Speaker 1Don't be, afraid to talk about stuff. Don't be afraid to get in touch with your feelings. Don't be afraid to talk about stuff, don't be afraid to hear me out and take accountability and maybe you were wrong.
Speaker 3Get ready for Real Lives of Real Estate, where the world of real estate meets the essence of your life. Buckle up as we unravel stories, homes and the heartbeat behind it all. Let's dive into another episode. I hope you share and are encouraged. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here with the one and only Jamie O, a realtor friend, and anytime I need something in Hudson County I always call her and ask her for help.
Speaker 1That's right.
Speaker 3Welcome to the show, Jamie.
Speaker 1Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. Well, no, it's good. All right, I'm going to ask you, my.
Speaker 3Let's dig deep a little bit here. First question I'd love to ask is Where'd you grow up? What'd you grow up in?
Speaker 1I grew up in Bayonne. I'm third generation from Bayonne.
Speaker 3Oh, is that real Yep On?
Speaker 1the east side of Bayonne, which is probably the most booming area now, but back then when my mom was growing up, nobody would cross that side of the tracks. It's a two family house. It's a standard Bayonne box house, three bed bath per floor. It was family occupied since it was built. So I lived on the first floor with my parents and my sister. I had my grandma and my uncle upstairs and then we just kept rotating.
Speaker 1And then my uncle and then my parents would live upstairs and then I lived downstairs with my brother-in-law and my sister and they got a house and I lived upstairs and it just kept going. But so that's why I have like a very uh soft spot for two families in hudson county. Oh my god, I know exactly how it works. I know exactly how to live and how to operate.
Speaker 3It's pretty cool what nationality are you, jamie? Polish, polish, wow. So you guys were like is that new? Wow, honestly, that's the first time I've ever heard. It's a beautiful thing. That sounds like an old school italian family, right like the grandmother, multi-generational living indian family right multi-generational but is that common in polish families?
Speaker 1absolutely. Yeah, well, bayonne back in the day was only irish, italian, polish, and that's how everybody was living they all lived one house, two, family house one most, most so, most of my friends that I grew up with in like grammar school. We all came from two family houses some had tenants, some were just totally family occupied, and then some people had single families.
Speaker 3Wow, okay, that's actually really interesting. This is my dream to be honest, no, I'm not kidding you. I told my in-laws the other day. I said how soon can you guys move to Jersey Because they live in New York? So I said how soon can you guys move to Jersey so we can actually have help with the kids? Because when you have kids it is like so overwhelming, and for you too. You probably grew up very close to your grandparents now absolutely wow are they still with us, or? Not so, unfortunately not.
Speaker 1Oh, heartbreaking but it's the memories that I do have. We're so tight-knit and we saw each other every day like we were, so everyone was so close and we missed that. So now we all live separately and every time my family and I are together we're like we miss it. We miss hearing the footsteps, we miss knocking on the door on the way in and saying bye on the way out and knowing exactly where everybody is.
Speaker 3It's chaos, but it's like wholesome chaos oh, I think personally I think that's one of the best ways to live, like um, funny enough, there's this thing called blue zones.
Speaker 3It's like where people live like past 100 most often in the world and one. They have like six things in common. Right, they're exercise, they're nutrition you know pescatarian based diets or mediterranean based diets, um, but one thing they have is actually a deep sense of purpose for the elderly. And why? It's because, like grandparents, if you look at america, right, once you get old, you're kind of like a burden, right. You're like, okay, throw them in a senior house, let them rot and die in the end. Right, it's kind of cruel. Um, but in like the japanese culture, they honor their elders so much so they have, like, the grandparents will live with the family, just like what you guys had, and it gives the grandparents a deep sense of belonging and purpose. So they live longer lives, they're in higher quality of life. Did you now? Did your grandparents when they wait? So your grandparents bought the house. Your parents lived in the house. Who was the? Was it your mom? That was your like which side?
Speaker 1My mom's side of the family. So your dad moved in. It's my mom's grandma.
Speaker 3Yes, oh my gosh, how was that? That must have been awkward, no.
Speaker 1No, I don't think no, they. My dad bought in on the house, so downstairs, we had the downstairs unit downstairs half the garage and the yard is yours and we're up top. And then they everything was paid off. So it was only utilities and taxes that we shared, like our my whole life.
Speaker 3There was never a mortgage how do you think that impacted you guys as a family?
Speaker 1I think that everybody it was like a very much so working together situation. So upstairs my grandma or my uncle had their portion. My dad, my sister and I always worked. Since the day we turned 16, we worked and we contributed to the house money wise, I think it was. I think it was cool. I think that's what makes us so close today, because we understand, like where we came from and it gave us work ethic my sister and I it was how did it?
Speaker 3when did it click in your mind that you guys owned the house? How did you know that you were a renter? Or did you say, no, we own this. When did that click?
Speaker 1I don't even think I understood the concept of tenants until high school, until college, I think.
Speaker 2Oh, wow.
Speaker 1Because you're raised in this little bubble of a house, then you're raised in this little bubble of Bayonne of a house, then you're raised in this little bubble of bayonne. You don't really see everyone kind of lives very similar and all the people, like all my friends, who did have two families again they were family occupied mostly wow and the tenant. That wasn't like our business, like I don't I. I don't think it affected me much.
Speaker 1I felt like I lived in a single family house my whole life wow I felt like that one floor, that 1100 square feet, amongst four people and a dog, was a single family house and I thought that was like the perfect house in the world Wow 1,100 square feet. And now I look back and I walk through those same houses and. I sell them Like I think I sold six on the block that I used to live in no way.
Speaker 3Yeah, on the east side, do you bring it up Like literally? I used to live right here.
Speaker 1Yeah, absolutely, because that gives me a little credibility at that point. But you are like really bayonne, really honestly I know you are my blood's engraved somewhere in the streets wow, maybe you had a fight when you were younger.
Speaker 3You just you dropped a little bit of blood.
Speaker 2My dna, like my ancestors somewhere, you know, someone shed blood 100, yeah.
Speaker 1And now I look, I go, I walk through the floor plans and I'm like how the hell did we all do this? We? All shared this one bathroom we're big people. I'm a we're all five foot eight six yeah, uh, you are a full-size person. We are very Polish tall people.
Speaker 3Yeah, oh yes, I had a friend. I look I'm like what the?
Speaker 1hell, how did I do it?
Speaker 3yep uh, let me ask you a question. Do you think, looking back now, you know you, let's say, you saw our family, the whole nine? Could you see yourself being in that space that you grew up in, that 1100 square feet? No, no, how I wouldn't mind.
Speaker 1I wouldn't mind having a different like. I wouldn't mind right now living in a two-family house and in the future with with the kid. I'm so used to it, that's my comfort. I like to know people are close. I'm not a suburban person at all, but in the space that I grew up in specifically, hell, no, there's no way. It's such small quarters and right now that's like the most desirable style house in hudson county. Everybody wants that, and I look at them kind of like oh, how are you sure, and they all love it.
Speaker 3There's no other choice for them, like for the majority of people right because affordability right like it's so funny, like you're saying hey, I grew up in a two family but I didn't know what tenants were.
Speaker 3That's probably the first time I've ever heard that right because usually people you had such a cool upbringing, I love that. Actually, that's like my for my family I'll be my dream. I would love that, hopefully when my son is old and he thinks I'm cool enough to live with him. Um, you know, god won't. But with that said, when did you? It's funny because I'm thinking about like my clients, right, or like our clients for your real time, a realtor, uh, and they all want like the two family tenant life. They all want that.
Speaker 3But one of the things I hear when I'm trying to get someone who maybe can't really afford a single family and like, hey, you know, maybe you don't want to, you want to rent forever or you want to buy, then just start with the two or three family. They say I'm so worried about the person upstairs or downstairs. You know what if they are not nice people or whatever? I'm like huh, that's interesting because your experience now is so different. It's like well, the people upstairs are like family and I have a tenant. I have a client actually right now in Newark, his tenants. He got so close to this tenant, tenants of 20 years. They've been together in that building 20 years. They've been together in that building 20 years, he says, when the tenant was going through a hard time with work, he didn't charge the tenant rent.
Speaker 3When the tenant they lost their mother, he basically helped them restructure because the kids were 16 or 17, so he helped them legally or something I don't know, and he took such a role of involvement in his tenant's life who was 20 years old. So I'm like, yeah, usually not the case, but when you live in a multi-generational household, I don't think you guys would have been so close like currently your family, if you guys didn't have that experience 100%, I think.
Speaker 1I mean I'm so grateful for the way I'm brought up. It was a dead-end block full of two family houses, all very diverse. And everybody knew each other. Everyone was family, very diverse and everybody knew each other. Everyone was family and everyone's family lived in upstairs or downstairs and it was a really cool like a community right Based things. I think that brings into fruition today. And even tenants that I have in my properties, I go, I drop off Christmas presents.
Speaker 2I drop off.
Speaker 3I do I get like I do.
Speaker 1I do like a little fruit basket during the holidays. I say thank you for being awesome tenants like your family. We've had friends giving.
Speaker 3We do a tenant. Yeah, Okay, pause, pause, pause, pause. Okay. So right now, of course, you're a realtor, you invest. Why did you start A lot of people you investing? Because that was a crazy thing. I heard these gift baskets you don't give your tenants gift baskets? I don't know.
Speaker 1I get my tenants a whole vibe. It's a whole. It's like a family vibe in christmas.
Speaker 3You do this yeah every year every year what's in the gift basket?
Speaker 1it could be like a edible arrangement or a bottle, or a nice bottle 50 bucks, 100 bucks 100, yeah, 150 bucks call it a day. Call it little note saying like thanks for being awesome. Here's to 2024.
Speaker 3That's it, yeah, okay. And what does the tenant say to you?
Speaker 1Wow, it's like a really nice. It grows respect. It grows you know there's this different level of respect where it's not just hey, yeah, this is a business transaction, we have to keep it very, which I do. I do set that tone, but at the end of the day, we're all kind of working together here. You need help. I got you. Yeah, I need you to accommodate me and help and you know we signed and I need to trust you yeah, big team, yeah, big time.
Speaker 3And now do you have tenants not? Have you ever had a tenant go into eviction or not paying or no?
Speaker 1maybe it's working I think I have good vetting uh skills no that you keep your tenants fed hey, there we go yeah yeah, wow good no, that's huge.
Speaker 3What's okay? Wow, what got you into the murky waters of real estate? Wild west of like hudson county real estate right which is like so chaotic here in jersey.
Speaker 1What got you, I guess? Long story short. I went to school for bio. I was going to be a physical therapist, worked at kessler institute uh, yeah rehab hospital made no money. My friend got me a job working with microsoft you made no money as a physical therapist I was going to go into grad school until I realized debt to yeah, to max yeah income.
Speaker 3Why was money important to you in that decision?
Navigating Career Changes in Real Estate
Speaker 1I feel like that's the mindset when you're in college. You're like hey, let's strive to get a degree, to get a good job, to get as much money as possible. At that point I had no idea what I was doing.
Speaker 2It was kind of a whirlwind. Nobody knows what they're doing.
Speaker 3You're 20 years old. What the heck do you know? Nobody has an idea. I still don't know what I'm doing. I'm figuring it out Same land.
Speaker 1We're just happy with it. No, I'm trying to be yeah, but and then? So then I went to microsoft, I did corporate corporate training, everything like that. I traveled, I pitched um. I'm gonna get really nerdy on you. Tell me, we pitched deploying devices off the domain and instead from the cloud and big fortune 500 companies. So did you ever see big bang theory?
Speaker 3of course I was like the penny of the the group, like, so I worked with all the architects and then I flew around and I pitched what a humble brag. I'm the penny.
Speaker 1I stood up at the podium.
Speaker 3I'm this beautiful girl with all the nerds. I'm the hot blonde amongst the nerds.
Speaker 1That's basically what it was, and I traveled everywhere and then I just got my real estate license. I was making good money, got my and I was like, hey, all my friends are buying houses, my parents will sell a house something. They'll make an extra X amount.
Speaker 3I started doing it Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, go more detail. Okay so you're doing your thing. Big Bang Theory life.
Speaker 1Microsoft.
Speaker 3You're feeling yourself, you're doing well, yes or no? Like you felt like it was me, not for you, so you said I'm breaking free my young 20-year-old.
Speaker 1I like to go against the grain Always Went against the grain In everything I do.
Speaker 3And now who were your friends, what were your relationship with them that were in real estate, and what did you see that attracted you there?
Speaker 1I media I would see some of the people that I knew like doing really well in real estate. I'm like, oh dream and million dollar listing was my, was my shit oh, you were on it I was on that show.
Speaker 1I watched every episode okay and then you're listen, you're sitting at the desk for nine hours. Everyone's like clicking and like fine with their lives. I'm like get me the fuck out of here you couldn't do it. So I figured out what to do. I got my license and I was so good at it I had dual monitors. Left was work like it, left was like bullshit. And then the right was real estate.
Speaker 3I listened, I entered every phone call. Right was how do I get real seat?
Speaker 1correct. I got my life. I was going to the school in roselle park and oh yeah roselle or roselle park, whatever. And then I got my license and I started rocking and rolling. I was a yes girl. I said yes to everything.
Speaker 3I had no life I started making more no, no, no. So you get a license. Where would you? Where'd you hang your license at first? Keller williams you were with k wait. Are you still okay with?
Speaker 1from launch. Yeah, you're still in kw. No, no, you switched right over to exp. Yeah, exp.
Speaker 3Ah yes, I remember this I said you called me.
Speaker 1I was like ah, they got you.
Speaker 3Ah, yes, I remember this. I said you called me. I was like ah, they got you.
Speaker 1So okay, so you? So from launch you went to kw. Why kw um kw? So I knew steven benton kurth shout out to him uh, I reached out to him social media. He became like my sponsor at keller williams he pitched the he's a. He's a good recruiter yeah, that's very well, yeah, he went over to keller williams, awesome vibe. All top producers down there the the launch party. I loved it.
Speaker 3I like fell in love with the office, and what year was this?
Speaker 12017,.
Speaker 3I think oh, me and you got into real estate the same year.
Speaker 1Was it.
Speaker 3I got into real estate 2017.
Speaker 1I don't think I started really rocking and rolling until like 2019, though, yeah.
Life as a Realtor
Speaker 3I started in May of 2017. When you said you had no life, were you still working at Microsoft, while you were, like yo you dual career.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3Oh wow. So what was the transition?
Speaker 1like it was scary but it was like premeditated for a good year or two years and I worked 8 to like 3 pm. I worked at like international hours. I worked 8 to 3 pm. Came to downtown Jersey City, sat in that office until like 10 pm.
Speaker 2Oh, wow.
Speaker 1I reached out to everyone on Facebook my mom's friends, my sister's friends, instagram.
Speaker 3Oh, you were really doing this. Fear life.
Speaker 1Called. Yeah, I did everything I possibly could. Until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I went home and then I hosted two open houses per day per weekend, per day per weekend.
Speaker 3so I would do 11 to 1 and then 2 to 4 every saturday and sunday, and that's how I that's how I like built my book of business, and how did that impact your personal life?
Speaker 1I had zero personal life. I have no life. I was tunnel vision. You couldn't tell me nothing. Like I was, I was there, was no looking back and then, two years into it, I saved money. Rule of thumb, what was it? Six months of reserves or whatever. I got there and I remember I went to my dad, like once, after work. We all still live together at that point.
Speaker 2Wow.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I went after work I was like, hey, I'm going to give him my two weeks. June 1st 2019. I'm done, Wow, and I went in, I sat and then I catapulted from that day on.
Speaker 3Wow, upwards, I'm hoping right Upwards, Like as soon as I quit the very next month. It was like a game changer, yeah what was the change you think.
Speaker 1The time, the energy that I had, the availability.
Speaker 3So what did your friends say during that time?
Speaker 1I feel like a lot of people who go into real estate or a business. In that sense it gets like lonely.
Speaker 3Very lonely you definitely, definitely, get super distance from your friends, that's a fact, and were you able to like do any trips or any vacation or any self-care during that time?
Speaker 1Yeah, that's a passion of mine. So if I wasn't a realtor, I'd be a food blogger. And if I wasn't a food blogger, I'd be a travel blogger.
Speaker 1So I make a promise to myself once a quarter I go somewhere. You know what's really funny I went to high school with my best friend and around this time period I think it was even a little bit later she texts me I had a. We had a creative writing class together. She texts me a picture of this loose leaf paper that she found in her room and it's like where do you see yourself, I don't know, 15 years from now, 20 years from now, whatever, and it's me just writing like a little short page I said I want to be the top realtor in high school.
Speaker 3Stop, she was like proud of you and like I just got my license, like she was just being supportive, but I was like no, wow, yeah, so I think that was high school me that was what got you into high school I think it was million dollar listing you were really. This show put a lot of people on and now, okay for the fans back at home of jmo is it is your job, anything like million dollar listing?
Speaker 1oh my god no, I wish it was.
Speaker 3I wish it was the slightest bit close to it million dollar listing was the biggest. Uh, what's called bait and switch and they're gonna absolutely n-a-r sponsored it, get a bunch of real estate dudes.
Speaker 1And then they said, boom, tricked, you got got there's no chauffeurs, there's no five hundred thousand dollar commissions. There's no chauffeurs, there's no $500,000 commissions. There's no good life like that.
Speaker 3It is gritty, oh, it's gritty, especially in New Jersey. It is so gritty, like what's your average sales price? More or less $500,000, $600,000. Yeah, we're right there. I can't actually be crazy. Last year, our average sale price was $488,000.
Speaker 1No way, right one our average sales price is 581.
Speaker 3It went up a hundred thousand dollars on average our sale. I believe it give us a little bit of idea of like what is your like weekly life look like in terms of like, uh, personal like what is what does life actually look like for jamie?
Speaker 1it's gym work. Family dog one one good meal, one good restaurant meal a day, every week a week.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, like one good meal, one good restaurant meal a day every week or a week? Yeah, yeah, like one good like treat myself meal.
Speaker 1Okay, alright but I like to. I wake up, I like to work out.
Speaker 3I wake up early what time do you wake up? Don't be a liar now between 5.30 6.15 that was the most honest thing I love. Whenever someone tells me time their first number, I always add 30 minutes.
Speaker 1Because I feel like everyone just says I'm up at 6 am. The amount of times I say Alexa, snooze 10 minutes is it could be five, six times in one morning.
Speaker 3Oh Jesus, sometimes I'm up. Why wake up so early? 5.30?. That's enough of the most energy.
Speaker 1Come home, get ready, and then I hit the computer immediately.
Speaker 3And what do you do?
Speaker 1first thing, Emails answer every email, yeah.
Speaker 3Do you have, like it's actually?
Speaker 1really interesting. What time do you think you're done working for the day? Is it ever? Are we ever?
Speaker 3done working for the day. Man, it's so interesting. Every time I talk to realtor it's so like, realtor, what I've learned, like uh, it's very different talking to a realtor and an investor uh, podcast, because we have some like very large developers. We had a guy who's just starting into real estate. The people who actually like live very large, large lives, super big lives, are like really desirable for me, like holistically. They all have one thing structure.
Speaker 3They all have at one point they don't have it because they're building it right they're building but at a certain point there's like this catapult moment, right, kind of like what you did from the dual career to the realtor. They say I am going to have a structured life, I am not going to be in chaos.
Speaker 1That sounds incredible.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1That is, I feel like. That's like what we're all striving for in the real estate industry. It's hard. I feel like it's hard especially because work like I feel like a lot of my communications and my work and my action is done from like nine to like noon one o'clock. Then it's ghost town for like one to four.
Speaker 1Yeah, is done from like nine to like noon one o'clock, then it's ghost town for like one to four, yeah, and then once everyone's off of work and we're back talking again, it's five to eight pm you know what I? Mean like it's from five to eight pm. I'm.
Speaker 3I'm texting, I'm on the phone yeah, but then what time do you stop answering the phone? Nine nine if someone texts you at 9 20 like, hey, I really want to go see his property, would you text him back?
Speaker 1yeah, probably.
Speaker 3Okay, sweet, it depends like if I'm up at that point, like if it takes you at 10 o'clock, let's say 10 o'clock, they hit you up like hey, am I up or am?
Speaker 2I like dozing off you're doing your thing, it's a thursday it's a thursday, I probably answer, okay, if I'm up and I'm chilling on the couch I'm watching like tv or something.
Speaker 1And I have energy because I know, once you answer your client, it opens an entire conversation.
Speaker 2There's no client text where it's like a yes, b no, it's a and then you finish the whole rest of the alphabet. So you have to make sure you have energy, you have to make sure you're prepared, because you can't just abandon them in conversation now.
Speaker 3Oh my god, that's actually so true yeah, so you have to.
Speaker 1I I prep every time I, when I respond I'm like am I available at this? There's some. I'm sorry to some of my clients that I'm not. I'll try to answer and I'm like oh shit, nope. And then I have to pick it up tomorrow or something.
Speaker 3Oh, you're actually making a very strong argument.
Speaker 1I will.
Speaker 3I'd ask you a really great life tip, because I think you're right, because sometimes I'm like, oh you know, this person needs something real quick. They want all, they want support. Yeah, you have to.
Speaker 1They need at least five paragraphs from you. So if you're give a second, think about it for a second. Like am I available right now to have this? I think worst case, like I'm here for like a 10, 20 minute text convo. Those are text convos take a lot of energy that's probably where I put most of my energy and where, like sometimes, I'd just rather pick up the phone. But nobody wants to pick up the phone. They all want text. You don't do text Extremely rare.
Speaker 3While I do text, I always say, hey, when can we hop on a call? When can we hop on a call? Because I think text it's the same thing. Actually, when I was dating, when I started dating my wife, I learned this funny thing from real estate. But when I started dating my wife, there's always and my wife's like why are you calling? I remember one time we were dating she's like Brenna, do you know? You're the only guy who really calls I've ever spoken to and I'm like why would I text you? And she goes I don't know.
Speaker 3But then what happens is the phone call actually does two things. One, it takes away miscommunication because you can hear the tonality, but two, which is my favorite part, it actually helps build a more authentic connection with the person.
Speaker 1I agree Text is dry, but tell me if you are the same on this. You like to call people to communicate your message, but you don't like to be called to give a message. You're like dude that could have just been a text.
Speaker 2Conviction, yeah right, you get the same feeling, that's true, so I feel I'm a little torn.
Speaker 3Wow, yeah, so you know the person's calling. You're like can't talk Please just text me, yeah, and when people call me and they want to talk for like 20 minutes unless you're like a friend I really am not here for it. I'm not here for it.
Speaker 1So I feel a little bad when I want to call my clients and talk to them about a process that they really they'd be like. Oh, I wish they would just text me the info. So you got a little perspective shift here.
Speaker 3Yeah, actually I'm kind of. I kind of feel hypocritical, right, yeah.
Speaker 1So it comes full circle where I have to take a second and be like I know. If I was them, I'd want a good supportive text combo right now.
Speaker 3And if I can't give it to them, they have to wait till tomorrow. If it's too late, yeah, and if I do have it in me right now, let's go. Let's talk, okay, all right, switching gears from the day in the life of jamie o to uh pragmatic questions.
Navigating the Alpha Female Dynamic
Speaker 3You're a high producer real estate, right. You really do serve your clients well. You're building a property right now. You're managing tenants, giving them gift baskets, all of that going on. How do you find a guy who's up for like that life, right, I think I? I have a lot of love for you and a lot of respect for your course and cherish you. You're wonderful. But that said, my wife is like very, very different. Right, when my wife is like she's, why really I need it in her and I'm so grateful is I'm fire. I want the whole world, and my wife taught me like contentment. My wife taught world and my wife taught me contentment. My wife taught me water. My wife taught me stillness and slowness Of course.
Speaker 3So where you, I see your high energy right. So I'm like how do you find that kind of guy?
Speaker 1It's very complicated.
Speaker 3Yeah, please do share. We have all that.
Speaker 1It's very complicated. Well, okay, number one being like a very outgoing or independent or confident alpha woman comes natural. We don't wake up and be like I want to be this, it's inside of us and that's natural to us. So I guess it's like a two part answer and like number one. We are so independent, so confident that when we look for a partner us specifically we want our partner to be more alpha than us.
Speaker 1So that's that's already upping up the like, the, the line right, the baseline, the expectation. Now, who's to say that alpha man wants an alpha woman?
Speaker 2you know what I mean.
Speaker 1So that's usually not the case. And and let it be known that women in business, you know we run the day making decisions, being independent, being leaders with the high energy. We want nothing more than to come home and to release our masculine energy and to crumple that masculine energy and throw it in the garbage.
Speaker 1But it takes a certain person to understand how to be that rock for that person to now release their feminine. So those are the two biggest things. Number one you have to get somebody that's more alpha than you, because you can have a partner that is a little bit more submissive. Then it wouldn't work.
Speaker 3From wouldn't work from a female to male perspective no, no, it doesn't work in my, in my experience. No, no, straight up.
Speaker 1And then once you do find it, then you, they want to see your feminine energy. But it needs to be a perfect dynamic that allows for us alpha females to wow, unravel into that feminine energy. But we don't want to be masculine, we don't want that energy. We don't want to be masculine, we don't want that energy. We don't want to give off that energy at home. We want our partner to lead us. They got it. They got it covered. It's already done. Take my hand, trust me, I got you. And once we have that feeling of safety with a partner, it's a whole other side of us.
Speaker 3Us I feel like, wow, okay whoa so many questions. So good, you did it. Oh wow, could you describe to me what do you mean? Because you know these are like and there's a hot topic word, right, we're about to have every take come on over, but um, what do you mean by alpha? When you say alpha female right, what does that term alpha mean to you? Like would you mean like describe for me I feel like it's um.
Speaker 1I feel like quality isn't into what you need to own or run your own business oh, I agree you need to be a decision maker, you need to be assertive, you need to be confident, you need to be outgoing you, you need you know your own provider yeah, very independent in this industry, for sure, if you don't kill, you don't eat one thousand percent.
Navigating Masculine and Feminine Energies
Speaker 1So all day we're working, being the hunter and the, the provider for ourselves and for our business. We're used to it. It comes natural. I don't. I never feel like it's worked to me. I feel like it comes natural I see, but it's exhausting when you come home. You don't want to be that all, all day, you know, for the rest of your life. You want someone to bring out the soft side in you and to bring out the calm and the water, like, like your wife does right yeah we want to be that so bad.
Speaker 3But you want to be what you want to be the water and the calm, of course but you need the right environment to be the calm like where?
Speaker 3what kind of traits would you recommend to? Because I have have a woman on my team, two women on my team, uh, realtors, who are, like I would say, like, very ambitious women, super driven, have the masculine energy and are, like you know, one of them is engaged, one of them is, uh, I think, dating or single, and they both, though, say like very similar things, like hey, I have that feminine too. What would be an advice you give two part, first part, what advice would you give them when it comes to finding the alpha male? What should they be looking for? What have you like? Hey, I really effed up here. That didn't work out. That was a big mistake. I got what. What should they be looking for in that partner?
Speaker 1That's a good question. I feel like a big thing is is the ability to communicate, because once you have that dynamic and you have two alphas going head to head in a relationship trying to make it work, we need to have crystal clear communication of the expectation. So like he might want this and I need this in order for him to get that.
Speaker 3Okay, what is the this and the that and the that and the then and the this?
Speaker 1It's probably like okay, hey, I want a more nurturing, calm, supportive. An alpha man wants a more submissive, a more calm, nurturing who, who is capable of taking feedback or or or criticism or understanding the needs. If, if I express, hey, I need this in order for you to get that side of me and really understand it and really soak that in, because many, many women say and many business women, alpha women say that that's what they're looking for. They want a guy who says they got it, Don't worry, they lead. I got you, it's already done, I'll take care of it. Handle things, get things done, make decisions. Don't put any mental load on me. Don't put any physical load on me. You know what I mean. Like, take that into your own hands and let me be soft and and let me have the mental capacity and the mental space to be this for you. That's really hard. That's really hard, especially because they see you working in everyday life. They understand that I don't really need to give you much because you give yourself everything. You make your own money.
Speaker 1You if you want something, you go and get it. I don't need to give it to you.
Speaker 3Monetarily, physical needs are all met. What you're looking for from the alpha like basically the boss babe right, the alpha male, alpha female it's like what you're looking for as the woman, it sounds like or is the emotional needs. Absolutely, that's the strength you need in a man, absolutely, the strength that I actually really agree. I was talking to a family member or a family friend, family member, and they were saying it's like I can never date a woman who made more than me. I can never date a woman who made more than me, in fear they would grow to resent the individual. And when he said this I was like brother, this is very, very like it's not a brother but it's a friend of mine. But I said, dude, this is like very, very, very, very insecure energy.
Speaker 1Yes, the woman is like okay, talk. Insecurity if an alpha woman or a business woman. I hate to say alpha because that puts everyone in such a small box.
Speaker 3Okay.
Speaker 1But if it's a leader of a business, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3I'm just going to say alpha no, I know what I mean. I'm just going to say alpha no, I know what you mean. They may not know what you mean so explain.
Speaker 1But the second that we feel an ounce of insecurity. It's almost and I don't mean to be so harsh it's almost like we don't have time for that. It's either.
Speaker 3You're going to be confident with me and assertive and let's go, or this is not going to work, kind of thing. Yes, now you'll be insecure as a I'm sure every person has their insecurities, right? So the guy's like you know what I really feel like I'm not doing enough for you, but he actually is doing enough for you, right? You're like okay, yeah, I understand, like everyone has insecurities, you mean like insecurity as it relates to you.
Speaker 1Correct In comparison between us and hey she's, she works just as hard, she makes great money, she knows so many people, she talks to so many people. Any insecurity in regards to how that woman runs her business? She, she does not like that she does not see that as a strength. She does not find that sexy. She does not. She wants a person that is strong, confident, yes, that that's my woman.
Speaker 2I support her and whatever she needs to do I love that and it needs to be like her rock in that sense as opposed to her.
Speaker 1Now, on top of all the things that she has to worry about, she has to also worry about making you feel secure when she's just doing her job. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3Oh yeah, oh my, I think you're like I don't know how you learned all this, but you're really so on it. I watch a lot of TikTok. Yeah, tiktok University, that was my master's degree.
Speaker 1No, but it's so true because there's such little women in the real estate industry. You know, top producers.
Speaker 3No, there's a lot of women in real estate industry. The top producers is the challenge.
Speaker 1Correct. So once you get to that and now the top producers is where your life changes, that's your lifestyle change. You don't necessarily have a life. You're a little bit more of a boss, you're a little bit more of a, you're a little bit more straight to business. It's not just all about fun and networking anymore. As a realtor, you mean business now. So now you get to that, that top tier, you're talking to other women and other women have the same issue like it's always like a headbutt yeah um between partners.
Speaker 1I just feel like if one side, the man, just understands, hey, be a little bit more emotionally available. I feel like that's the solution to all the problems. Don't be so hot. It doesn't need to be two firecrackers. If one wants to be a firecracker, at that point the other person should understand and be the calm the calm.
Speaker 3Yeah, I think it's like really it's so interesting because I think, uh, I'm actually like very, very pro into like uh, masculine energy, feminine energy, the binary nature of it all I don't really play the masculine energy.
Speaker 3Feminine energy not binary, that's not, the energy is not binary at all. The one of my best books I recommend uh to men is actually a book right here called wilder heart. Another book is, uh, the way of the superior man, excellent, excellent, excellent book. And then, if you're raising a someone, if you're raising a son, right, I'm a father, right, he's the intentional father and it all talks about like masculinity defined as like pickup trucks. Being a tough guy, getting in a fight, making a lot of money is to me, I think, the worst version of masculinity. It's like very weak, superficial, because how many men do you know?
Speaker 1that are fighters. Drive big pickup trucks and, you know, make a ton of money.
Speaker 3But are such small men right? They're like boys who just happen to have the most insecure real men like truly. They lead right. They lead courageously with this one. And it's so interesting I grew up in the brazilian culture. We really didn't emphasize how important to be a man is, and a lot of it is just like can't wear tight jeans.
Speaker 3Uh, you know, you don't wear these colors and that makes you a man it's like such like a fraudulent version of masculinity, whereas and that's in real estate I see that all the time where it's like, oh, I'm a tough guy, I'm tough, tough, tough. I'm like you're not tough, you're not scary like you are. You are tough, you are scary, great, but you really just feel like insecure. So it's like that mask. And in real estate I've seen it all the time when these guys are so big. I had this guy recently. Um, he called like three years ago. This guy was a big bully to me online. I'm not kidding you, he was like dm me. He's like he goes oh, you're a puny. I asked him for help. He's like, oh, you're a puny, you got to work out more. He's a realtor, right, this guy does like good units, I said and it was actually the month. It was insane, I can't believe it but, um long story short, the guy that month.
Speaker 3The month prior, I got 27 listings in one month. It was best month of my career. 26 listings, that's incredible yeah, it was really. It was like really insane, honestly. Like it was like I was on liquor drugs, like I was just running and I said, brother, I know disrespect. I got like 25, 26, 27 listings last month like you're not like that much better than me.
Speaker 3He goes my, my office will outperform me. I can make 10 of you. I said, brother, there's no way you make 10 realtors, you make 25 listings in one month. Come on now. This isn't even. I didn't believe I did it I think I'm lying still. And long story short, he was like a big jerk, uh. But wow, whatever I'm like, oh, what kind of negative energy. But I'm secure in my way. So I say, okay, I don't really care. God bless you, you're tough because you have muscles Cool, okay, cool, big. And I saw the same thing. I don't know if you know, I went to jail for six months Like, oh, you don't know this story.
Speaker 2I went to jail.
Speaker 3Yeah, I went to jail right before I got into real estate Long story but I did six months of jail. In jail I learned that, too, people are tough, but they have to be tough because they aren't safe. So I said, whatever, it's this guy. Boom, the guy lived rent free in my head. At the end of the year I sent him his, his numbers versus my numbers. I said dot dot dot. He's like good job bro. But in reality he won right, because he lived in my head for like seven months and he was like when I, when I beat him, I felt this like when I beat him, I didn't beat him, I just did well myself. I who cares? Anyways, this was three years ago, 2020, 2021. And I got a call from him like three weeks ago. If you see this guy, you would think this guy's an alpha male, alpha male, alpha male, everything. A woman who's like a boss, babe, alpha, what?
Speaker 3business woman we're on this guy's. The guy Called me said something so beautiful and this is the moment I saw him as a man. Before I didn't see him as a man. I saw him as a strong boy. Now I see him as a man. He said called me out of the blue. I have no relationship with him. He said hey, I want to apologize.
Speaker 3I'm not sure if you remember, a few years ago I treated you really really poorly and you deserve better than that I have a lot wow, I really just want to acknowledge that I really faulted you, and the last thing I want to do is, uh, disrespect another man and I said, oh bro, I was like touched, I was like yeah, I've done those calls too.
Speaker 3I've done those calls many times. I've messed up. A lot of times in my life I go oh bro, I'm really honored. Thank you so much because I'm realizing in my life today I need to be, I need to really love myself and be kind to myself. In that place I was in dark space. I was drinking heavily. Thankfully, I'm a year sober. I'm about to come on a year sober and I just want to let you know, um, you know I'd have place 11 for myself. That's great, but it's not right off. Everything I've done I need to, which is number two. So lead courageously is number one for a man. Accept responsibility for what I've done in my life and I reject passivity. I've put off this call so many times. I can't't. I'm going to take action here. So when I hear this, I'm like that's a man, right.
Speaker 1Absolutely.
Speaker 3And isn't that attract you as a woman, a man who's so secure? He's like, hey, I effed up.
Speaker 1Absolutely 1,000%.
Speaker 3That's what it sounds like you want 1,000%. So when my family friend said hey, I don't think this is what the girl wants, dude, the girl wants you to be her rock absolutely so what would you say? To those men who are like hey, you date a guy, you meet a guy like a bar, he makes less money to you but he's rock solid. Maybe he feels insecure about that definitely not the guy for you. It sounds like what would you wish these guys knew these guys, I feel like, don't love themselves.
Speaker 1First, they're counting on the woman to give him status, and if she shows off status that she makes more money, he just loses all credibility himself. But they want a trophy wife that's submissive, that's nurturer, and when he comes around and says, hey, this is what I have, but she ends up actually being makes twice as much as him three times as much yeah, it doesn't look. It makes him look bad. So it's all a reflection on how he looks at the end of the day wow, oh my god, I I wish I could get deep, oh man because it's so true and yeah it's listen.
Men and Emotional Intelligence
Speaker 1All of us women know it. Men, deep down, unfortunately, I feel bad for most men because you, you know that you weren't raised showing emotions no wearing your heart on your sleeve. You weren't some conversations, emotions, wearing your heart on your sleeve? You weren't some conversations that I have with my girlfriends? I've had my partner go. Damn.
Speaker 3I wish I could text my boy and have one of those convos.
Speaker 1You know. So we're so used to expressing ourselves and we think we got that down pat. If we want to tell you something, we know how to tell you, and we can tell you like assholes, or we can tell you really nicely we know how to tell you and we can tell you like assholes or we can tell you really nicely.
Speaker 1You can't tell us how you feel about anything Like. It's really hard to get that out of you and then so you can't even handle your own emotions, not you. And just in general, how do we expect you to handle our emotions? And it's a never ending revolving door of male and female and masculine and feminine energy. So my one advice to men is just because you know you're an adult now, don't be afraid to get in touch with your feelings. Don't be afraid to talk about stuff. Don't be afraid to hear me out and take accountability. And maybe you were wrong. Don't be afraid.
Speaker 3And it's okay. I tell it's so crazy. You said that in relation to the person with the income, because I had a conversation with that person. I that in relation to the person with the income, because I had a conversation. That person, I said you know what? I got an argument with them one day and I said you know what I feel like I really understand what's happening here. There's no need to argue with you.
Speaker 2No, no, we can work it out I said no, there's no need he goes.
Speaker 3Why I go? Because you don't love yourself. Fundamentally you don't love yourself, and it's a heartbreaking say that because a male like. There's a really good book called love and respect. It says if a man were to hear from his spouse, um, or his partner, right hey, I don't respect you at all it would kill him. I don't respect you as a man. I love you so much my heart, but I don't respect you as a man.
Speaker 3It would like it would dagger my wife told me that like hey, I lost all respect for you for what you did, I think, whereas for the woman, the feminine energy right outside the feminine energy here is look, I respect you so much. You're an amazing businesswoman, you're really, really smart, you're on it. I just do not love you at all. I have no love for you. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1I just don't.
Speaker 3It would kill her, whereas my wife told me, she doesn't have love for me, but she still respects me. I'm like not only do you not love yourself, you don't have respect for yourself. That's like to my this to my friend. I was like dude, there's got to be the way. Like you don't, not only do you not have that love, you don't respect yourself, my friend. So what do you do now? With that said, I think so good, honestly, because that's really what comes out, and the reason why it's powerful is because you know we talk about.
Speaker 3You know how real estate impacts our lives. I grew up in a very low-income family, displaced, evicted multiple times, etc. And I um, coming out of jail, I had such low, low, low, low, low self-worth, right like I was zeroed out. And I got into real estate uh, because I had no other choice for a job. But what ended up happening was I decided because I felt such rejection and such low self-worth that I was going to become so valuable. People didn't need to want me, they were going to need me because, I'm so value, I'm such a high value male right, like that concept.
Speaker 3I did very well financially. I did very well in like social settings, church environments. I healed, the Lord did a work in my life and through that process of the Lord working in me, counseling, et cetera, I came to the conclusion that I found so much of my identity in what I produced. It's like what I did was directly determining who I was. So when I talked to now it's funny, right, because the person with lower income than their spouse right, or the male with lower income than his partner right the female, he's like oh well, I'm less because she makes more money. The reality is me as a person who makes a lot, you know, a lot more than my spouse right. My spouse works at the church, right, she makes like very humble living. Right, she works at the church. You know she has her thing. Before that she would stay home mom right.
Speaker 3We'll see what happens. I think you can have the same insecurity. So I think what people would I would say these men is like love yourself, but, but truly like, whether your first day in real estate or your last day in real estate, no matter how much you sell, no matter how many units you own, no matter how many units you develop, you know it doesn't change how much you're worth like fundamentally so, even if your spouse makes much less than you, the same insecurity plays itself out. It played out in my role, in being a workaholic. So you say like, oh, it would be nice to have boundaries right. Like, boom, I had a client text me at 720 last night. I'm not texting that client back, no way, no way. Next week I'm on vacation. My calls are being forwarded to my assistant, that's it. What are you going to do? Get mad, but do you think that?
Speaker 3changed after you got married and had a kid. Being married was the best thing I ever did in my life. That was unbelievable Thank God.
Speaker 1I feel like it's an eye opener to what's really important in life. Like where you should the most important.
Speaker 3I get so excited, I'm sorry. The second was getting married. The third was getting into real estate. Those are like my top. Actually. Now I guess I have a kid. So I love talking to you about this, because I talk to men about this all the time, but it's very rare that I find a woman that I would love to hear a man's perspective on this. Man.
Speaker 1Just that. Your typical man who really is not in tune with his emotions. You know what's really important. You know where you're from, you know how you're raised you know, how your experiences have shaped you. Most men don't care. They don't care, they don't see any implications towards it. All they care about is who they are right now. They don't want to talk about. So it's not. It's not.
Speaker 3it's so they don't want to talk about it, but not because they don't want to, because they don't know how to. So they have the desire, the desire man. This is funny. I've read so many books about masculinity. I, like I, I've written, I've helped so many. I'm very I'm trying to be humble here I really have helped men enter into masculine energy and I can list names of many, many people.
Speaker 3One of my friends right now he's going through a difficult separation, et cetera. He basically was because of his partner said hey, you're not. Fundamentally what it was is he was not operating out of his masculine. That's what was happening fundamentally. She's a woman like you. Actually, very interesting enough, what ended up happening is that she felt like someone was missing and we ended up, after a few phone calls, getting deep into it. It was there.
Speaker 3What did that guy need to do? Very simple he needs a deep dive into masculinity, the way to spear man, wow the heart and finding the Lord. Right, god, why? Because masculinity, here's a big challenge, right? My dad? I love my father with all my heart, but my dad and my mom had a horrible marriage. My dad left when I was about 12, 13. And my mother.
Speaker 3Basically, in that phase of a man, I was not a man, I was a boy. So you ask the modern midday man hey, when did you become a man? He can't tell you anything. You ask a Jewish guy when did you become a man? Well, at my bat mitzvah.
Speaker 3You look at all the traditions of all societies, going back from the dawn of mankind. What do you find? There are traditions to make boys men. One of the traditions they would do is when people in the Greeks whatever it was or Romans. What they would do is basically, after a boy went out, they would go out for a hunting trip with their father and when he killed an animal, he would come back and they would reintroduce the boy to his mother, because the boy is no longer a boy, he's now a man. Another tradition that my wife and I are reading from a book is when my son comes of age 13, 12, my wife's going to go to him, take him out, and she's going to say to him I'm no longer your primary caregiver, I'm no longer like your plug, I'm no longer your source of safety, your primary caregiver, I'm no longer like your plug, I'm no longer your source of safety.
Speaker 3Now in your life, you need your father more than you need me, and that's the truth. So these boys, they never became men. That's the truth. Why? Because no one ever told them they were initiated as men.
Speaker 3Masculinity can't be bestowed from a femininity. Only a man can make a man. I became a man in Florida. Funny enough, that's where I'm going on vacation to visit my old mentor, this guy. What happened was he gave me this book. Wild at Heart, it talks all about masculinity. This book helped me get into, made me very wealthy in real estate because it gave me what you're saying the alpha male energy.
Speaker 3In real estate. I have a lot of guys who aren't alpha males in real estate and guess what happens? They don't want to pray. At 6 am, I'm 22 years old, 23. And he hears my story about jail, everything. He's really close to me. He goes come down, we do this thing. I want to take you fishing, boom. He goes, I'll buy you up early. So I say, holy crap. Well, I'm falling asleep during this like men's breakfast. I go to the bathroom, I come back, they put on Braveheart.
Speaker 2And Braveheart, you know, mel Gibson freedom.
Speaker 3And he shows that clip and then he goes hey, brandon, would you mind standing up? And I stand up. He goes there's a and you look at this story of William Wallace. He's a man who fights for the freedom of others and over the past three years of me knowing you, this is what I have seen. You do Not only fight for your own freedom but for the freedom of the men around you. So we, as a man now, these guys are like there's a lot of business owners, there's like a guy who just sobered up wide variety of older men, but you can all tell these men have been tested and they're strong and they're proven.
Speaker 3These are not boys with trucks, these are men with scars and battles and weapons of mass destruction.
Speaker 3And he says would you mind standing up? He goes back, he picks up a sword, the sword that William Wallace used at Claymore Huge Literally a five foot sword, four foot sword and he says we want to give you this and we want to pray for you Today. You are a man and I walked out of that room in Florida. I'm telling you I literally was a man. So you ask the majority of guys when did you become a man? They'll say when I made my first hundred grand, when I slept with that girl, when I got that fight and I won. You see what I'm saying? These are all artificial BS. So when you see the woman who's making more than you, well, I became a man when I made 100.
Speaker 1So she's making 200.
Speaker 2I can't be a man.
Speaker 3No, no, no, Come down. He'll rather you make less, just so he can make more than you because you're so insecure. So that's the thing, and I find that really important with the faith, because ultimately for me, like Christian, I find it so incredibly important for a man, unconditionally.
Speaker 1Okay. So how would your reaction be if tomorrow, you wake up? Your wife just got a huge break. She got an offer. Now she starts making double the amount you're making.
Masculinity and Femininity in Relationships
Speaker 3Oh, I would be super thrilled. I would love it with all my heart. Yeah, I. Since day one, I've been saying this to people. This is why Because, before I even started dating my wife and this is why honestly. I locked my wife in I'll be honest Because my masculine energy was right, my security was there and I had this guy put me on being a man. I told my wife day one please make money. If she was making more money I would still work just like I do. I wouldn't change a thing.
Speaker 1Because I'm financially set. That doesn't. It doesn't affect you at all.
Speaker 3At all. I would be happy, thank the Lord, jesus Christ. As long as my wife didn't get an ego, she's good. But, even my wife. If I say my money, my wife gets upset. I'm not allowed to say that term.
Speaker 3I have to say our money, our like. We had a meeting today with our bookkeeper. We review our money because it's not me my money, it's our money. So we look to every expense. My wife has complete access. We have a rule that's like if you spend more than like $300, we have to ask one another and that's it or $300 or $500. I think for her it's both ways. For a non business related expense, it's like $300 or $500. We have to ask each other.
Speaker 2If it's a business, I can spend like $100,000.
Speaker 3She doesn't care, yeah but anyways, that's a long I rambled you want to hear a man's opinion. That's my view of masculinity. I don't know if that helps.
Speaker 1That's an incredible insight yeah, but most men don't feel it, you're right and then so the people who never became men, the grown men who never became men what do you do with them?
Speaker 3now let me ask you a question, those men who never became men. What kind of boys do the same kind Worse. Yeah, it gets worse Generation, generation, generation, generation. And then you see women and women like well, where are all the men at? At the same time we take the bed with like hey, you got to be like nice guys.
Speaker 2Do you?
Speaker 3want to marry a nice guy.
Speaker 2Do you want?
Speaker 3to marry Fred Rogers. Do you want to raise a family with this guy in a sweater vest?
Speaker 1Hell, no right, absolutely.
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 1No, you're 1000% correct.
Speaker 3Another move, so I got very passionate about it. I don't know if you saw the passion come out.
Speaker 1You got to the edge of your seat.
Speaker 3I was really there.
Speaker 2You didn't unlock eye contact with me and you were into it. And I was into the story too.
Speaker 1I felt like I was there in Florida with you. But yeah no it's huge and I love that you had that moment in your life.
Speaker 3I have one question for you, because this is actually a big one of my friends right now very, very successful business owner, incredibly like powerhouse of a woman she has challenged where she brings it in and she's aware of it. Right. She's like I bring the masculine energy into my home life and I don't want to do this. What advice would you give to women who are powerhouses in real estate like you are, who actually do great business, who are like multi channel, like you're powerhouses in real estate like you are, who actually do great business, who are like multi-channel, like you're not just selling real estate, you're investing and you're giving gift baskets to your tenants. What advice do you give them to switch it off? How can you do that?
Speaker 1It's not their job, it's their partner's job. Oh, wow or do you mean if they're by themselves?
Speaker 3No, no, If they're just single. Oh, that's a good question. Actually, let's say okay, huh.
Speaker 1If you're in a relationship and you come home. That's not your job. You are keeping the masculine energy on because you have to.
Speaker 3Wow. So you're saying, just want to make sure I hear you Masculine energy at workplace Needed. I agree with you 100%. You cannot survive with place will not work in our industry, I'm sorry to tell you. You can cancel me with. That said, you bring the masculine uh home and while you bring it home it, almost like the other masculine, becomes bigger. So your energy kind of correct correct itself.
Speaker 1I should be seeing the masculine energy and home in my safe space and my rock from a mile away on my way home. I should be knowing that that's where I'm walking into and that I can be my soft, vulnerable, emotional self there and I'm safe. But that's not my job. To create that space for me, that's my partner's job.
Speaker 3Amazing. Now let's say, if you're a single woman, you don't have the partner you're dating. What advice would you give?
Speaker 1And you're out in the dating world just trying to find a man which I honestly, I feel bad for everybody in the dating world.
Speaker 3It's tough from what I hear. It's very tough listen.
Speaker 1It's 2024 women right now are everyone works? Yeah, they're not. They're not staying home and they're kind of even if you're not an alpha female, you're kind of forced to go out there and make your money and get your car and commute yourself and handle your own stuff. Whatever you want to do, you want to go shopping, you want to get your hair done, it's on you, you're paying for it. Most women are like that. So if you're an alpha female and you're doing that, that just comes naturally. It's now if you're looking for a partner. It's difficult, it's complex, it's complicated for sure. I think there's a lot of open conversations I need to have and you know, explaining yourself and how you work in life and see if your potential partner is interested in that or you know how he reacts if there's any red flags, but that's a different story.
Speaker 1That I feel, like you'll be fine. But like what if you're just in a new relationship and you're trying to get it to groove perfectly?
Speaker 1it takes both. It takes a lot of effort from both ends. It takes a lot of patience from the alpha females end and a lot of understanding, because your partner wants to be that person for you. They just don't know how, or they don't know how to carry it out or what exactly to do, or if they're capable, if they're comfortable expressing themselves or if they're comfortable taking shit from you. You know what I mean, because there's sometimes women just want to say what they feel, not there's one event not as a dispute, but just for a hug.
Speaker 1You know what I mean. Everything doesn't have to be dispute. Yeah, so if the guy understands everything's not an attack or dispute yeah and you're just my rock. You're my safe place and I you for.
Speaker 3Emotional safety.
Speaker 1All the stuff I've pent up all day because I don't. I don't show anyone my vulnerable side.
Speaker 3Your feminine energy is being robbed. Yeah, because it can't survive.
Speaker 1And if I come, home and I want to let that out on you. I'm trusting you like with my with my heart, with, like, my vulnerable side, and if you can't handle it, then that's when it gets messy.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, I it's, I guess you're alpha woman. You're alpha woman right Until alpha female, until you end up with an alpha male, and then you become basically the beta. This is what you're saying, yeah.
Speaker 1And you're okay with being the beta, because you have such, we're all okay being the beta. There's not one alpha female that does all want to be there, but you need to help us get there. We're not getting there on our own.
Speaker 3Well, I love it. And just like the male, there's like the crap version of masculinity. There's also the crap version of femininity, where it's like, okay, the feminine energy is actually you have to be a great cook, you have to be a great house cleaner. It's like, no, that's actually a maid and that's actually a chef, correct, okay, great, you definitely want to have the nurturing with the children. That's without a doubt. If you want to have children, even that, I say, is up to you. But if you want to have children, yes, that motherly nature for sure.
Speaker 3Fatherly nature, for sure, both critical roles in the upbringing of a child. But the idea of, like the man has to make the money, those general roles, crap version of masculinity and femininity. Crap version Crap Crap Very.
Speaker 1BS. It's very toxic.
Speaker 3They're actually toxic. You're right, it's literally toxic because it robs people of the actual masculine energy which is beyond just the income producer and the house cleaner. It's a deep sense of emotional security. It's a profound sense of emotional protection. Absolutely, it's a deep sense of intentionality, of intimacy, of connection, of uh spurring each other on.
Speaker 1Those words are correct, those words you couldn't have said any adjectives better than the words that you just said wow and listen. At the end of the day, we're working. You, you also do know how to know when to not be in work mode that's all that's important, but that's for everyone, that's for that's everyone and it's a learning process on.
Speaker 3That's the man and the female.
Speaker 1So you can't handle your entire life like you're the boss.
Speaker 3No, no, no no Ever.
Speaker 1A relationship is a partnership.
Speaker 3Exactly.
Speaker 1There's inputs, opinions, needs, expectations on both ends, oh for sure. So you can't have such a big ego as you have all day in your workplace. You can't have that same ego. Leave both, both people, leave your egos at the door and be willing to listen. To listen, you know the other person's not talking, so you can. You're on a debate team. The other person's talking cause they're just trying to express themselves and sometimes they may not say it, you may not take it how they're trying to express it and sometimes you, you know they may not express it correctly at all. Yeah, you have to sit there and understand. Really, okay, you said this, but where's it coming from?
Speaker 3doesn't that happen with clients, though, all the time?
Speaker 1absolutely one thousand percent.
Speaker 3My wife tells me like my wife. Uh, she said while we were dating, she always be like brendan because I was always into it, right, I'm like well, what did you mean by that? Well, okay, well, it sounds like. Yeah, I was using those are great questions.
Speaker 1Yes, every man asked those questions. What do you? What do you mean when you said that I heard you say that.
Speaker 3Would you mind clarifying for me? Correct, rather than well, no, that's not fair, correct? Well, she didn't even mean what you thought she meant. It's the same exact thing you had to do with clients. Clients told me oh, like recently, it's like um, look, why is this? Why, they said in the quote, they text me well, why are you charging five percent commission? It was five percent of the deal, right. So I I thought in my mind that way, I heard it in the texas well, why are you? Why you charge me five percent commission? When they got on the phone with them, they said well, we know we have to pay the buyer's broker two and a half percent, so it's gonna be seven and a half total. And, brother, we can't afford seven and a half. Just let me gang on the phone and clarifying with them what was your intent in that huge opening. Because I said oh, I'm so sorry, the 5% is total.
Speaker 1I said oh wow, it's great.
Speaker 3Yeah, actually I should have charged six right, 1,000%.
Speaker 1I mean they're towards the last week of every deal. We know it gets tense. The last week, especially on buyers, ends they all the good work we put in for like two months. That last week just gets real tense and they'll say stuff. They'll say you know, what? I don't even know if I want the house, you know what?
Speaker 1um, if I don't close this day, yeah, I'm not closing at all, so you have to sit there and instead of going right back at them and be like first of all, the two months was fantastic. If you don't close this day it's not that you're not going to say that You're going to know where it's coming from is that they're frustrated. The scheduling is a little off. They need to request off PTO work. You need to call them and be their little therapist and understand like, hey, I know this sucks. I was in your place, I see where you're coming from.
Speaker 3Do you know what he told me the number one cause of divorce was? I thought it would be like money, that's what I thought money usually, or illness, I don't know, maybe some. He said actually communication, communication is the number one cause of divorce, of separation, of failed marriages. Communication, failure to communicate, a failure to properly communicate and understand my wife and I dated, she literally said she was pregnant.
Teaching Communication in Relationships
Speaker 3I've never talked this. My wife was very different. She wasn't very highly expressive, she wasn't highly emotional. I had to pull that out and literally I I would even say I taught my wife how to communicate. I literally did. I taught because I was so different, as, like a majority of men and I still am very different, but highly, highly, highly asking questions. I would say, deb, it sounds like you're assuming instead of assuming I would. I noticed that you this way, I men and I still am very different, but highly, highly, highly asking questions. I would say, deb, it sounds like you're assuming instead of assuming I would. I noticed that you, this is what I would teach her literary language. I would say, I noticed that you assumed when you saw me say that I would prefer, if you asked me for clarification Of course, or my wife would say to me hey, I noticed you didn't wash the dishes.
Speaker 3And you saw that I was really stressed. I would prefer if you gave me a hand without me having to ask. So you didn't say, go wash your dishes. You said, hey, I notice and I prefer. Well, hey, you don't want to do it, it's okay. But you now know where I'm coming from and that's boom. And my wife told me she goes sometimes. I'm looking for a helpful hand and sometimes I'm looking for a listening ear, but when you hear me, bring up a problem.
Speaker 3I don't want you to fix it, just listen. And so now it's okay. Are you looking for a listening ear or a helpful hand? And I so desperately want to fix her freaking problems because I so like my mom, I'm like I know that solution.
Speaker 1You're a problem solver right. That's why we make money. We solve people's problems.
Speaker 3And she's like no, no, I just want you to listen.
Speaker 2Yeah, that.
