Real Lives of Real Estate w/ Brendan Da Silva
Welcome to the Real Lives of Real Estate, a brand new real estate podcast unlike any other. Your host is the #1 Realtor in Newark, NJ, Brendan Da Silva, and every week he interviews real estate professionals about how working in the industry has affected their lives and stories.
Real Lives of Real Estate w/ Brendan Da Silva
7 Ways Real Estate Changed Me | The Impact of Real Estate on My Life
I never imagined that a career in real estate could be such a rollercoaster ride, yet here I am, Newark's leading realtor and living proof of the transformative power this industry holds. The journey hasn't been without its breakdowns and breakthroughs, and in this candid narrative, I peel back the curtain on the personal toll and triumphs of my profession. From grappling with immense pressure to mastering stress management, I've pivoted from a scarcity mindset to embracing abundance, discovering financial freedom, and redefining success.
This episode isn't just about closing deals; it's a deep dive into the life lessons that real estate has etched into my soul. I lay bare the emotional rollercoaster of my foray into the stock market with AMC and GameStop, and how those experiences have honed my instincts. The stories of trust built and broken, the fine line between personal and professional boundaries, and the weight of financial responsibility for my team paint a raw picture of the many hats a realtor wears. My evolution from a naive investor to a street-smart businessperson has been nothing short of a whirlwind.
Join us as we celebrate seven years of growth, not just in square footage, but in wisdom and life experience. You'll hear how the real estate realm has not only improved my family's fortunes but also instilled a profound sense of detachment and personal growth within me. And if that's not enough, tune in next week when we'll welcome a special guest whose insights into the real estate world are bound to enrich our conversation even further. Whether you're a realtor looking to scale new heights or simply in search of life lessons from the property trenches, this is one episode you won't want to miss.
To get more insight on episodes and to apply to be on the show, visit www.BrendanDaSilva.com!
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Here are seven ways that real estate business right being the number one realtor in Newark, new Jersey, four years in running has drastically changed my life. Get ready for Real Lives of Real Estate, where the world of real estate meets the essence of your life. Buckle up as we unravel stories, homes and the heartbeat behind it all. Let's dive into another episode. I hope you share and are encouraged. Welcome to the show Real Lives of Real Estate. Today I am riding solo, like Jason Derulo. I'm riding solo, solo, right, no? But in actuality, I am grateful because I have the opportunity to be able to share with you exactly how real estate has impacted my life. I find that often I'm always asking questions, so I was able to be asked the question how has real estate changed your life? And it's interesting because real estate as a whole has formed my life right. Growing up in America, real estate's a commodity right, like oil or gas or whatever it is it trades. So, growing up, as prices went up, my family couldn't afford it and we were displaced. That had a drastic, drastic, drastic shaping of my life and impact on my life. But that's not what we're going to talk about today. We're not going to talk about city landscapes and really how infrastructure kind of facilitates our upbringing in a way and kind of forms us right. Whether you live in a city real estate environment or you live in the woods, here are seven ways that real estate business right. Whether you live in a city real estate environment or you know you live in the woods, here are seven ways that real estate business right. Being the number one realtor in Newark, new Jersey four years in running has drastically changed my life. And, funny enough, the first one is actually stress. You're going to think it's a Rolex. No, it's stress. Not only you know, it's naive to think people when they get to real estate, they want real estate. Oftentimes when I'm interviewing agents they'll say like, oh you know, I really want the time freedom, I want to be able to work from home. I don't want anyone bossing me around. Well, I always tell them you know, you left one boss for like 20 other bosses. Each client is, in a way, your boss Right, and the amount of stress that real estate has brought me truly is absurd.
Speaker 1:I've had three nervous breakdowns, really unbelievable episodes of stress coming on just two and a half years since I had put myself in a place where I just really wasn't taking care of myself. When it comes to real estate, the amount of stress is unquestionable if you allow it to grow to that extent and you don't manage it. With that said, one of the best things that have happened to me because of real estate is the things that cause a lot of stress to others, whether it be like interpersonal conflict, financial loss, illness of a loved one right, they don't cause me as much stress, or perhaps I better manage the stress that I'm under right, because I've just gone through so many stressful situations high stakes 11 pm I'm at the office, 12 o'clock I'm at the office, I'm just getting home and I lost money somehow, right. So because of that, I've had an employee stole from me. I've gone through that. So my stress level has been through the roof at times and with that, I will say, my body has literally taken the toll. So that's a guaranteed way that real estate has had an impact on me and it's not like woe is me. I'm very grateful, but it's important to see when you are building a business, just understand that the degree of stress is coming, especially when you're acting as a real estate broker.
Speaker 1:Number two the abundance mindset. So for those who know me, you know that I moved about 13 times since I was 10, or 10 times since I was 13. I always forget how it goes, but the point is growing up. I was poor, so I remember the biggest change in real estate for me at the time was growing up, when we were order, like you know, we would go out to eat, let's say, like once on a blue moon. They would order, like you know, I want a bacon cheeseburger. But I would never order the bacon because I knew the bacon was like an extra $1.75 or $2.25. And I'm like, no, that's a lot of money, I can't be doing that. So, funny enough, one of the biggest ways that real estate has changed for me is where I was like, man, I can't spend that money because I don't have it. Now I order appetizers, right, and it is interesting because I don't worry as much about money. Um, partially, yes, because I have it. Uh, to a small degree, but honestly, in large part, real estate has shaped me because I now understand that there is like an abundance of opportunity and an abundance of money. So many times have I had a great deal come my way and I look, look at the deal. I'm like, oh man, I got to buy this, I got to buy this, I got to buy this and I don't, for whatever reason. And there's probably a day or two where I beat myself up I can't believe I missed that out. But then guess what happens a week or two later, a month later, another opportunity. So really, real estate has formed in me an abundance mindset, understanding that there is so much opportunity out there.
Speaker 1:When I first got into real estate, my broker, louie Noguera, asked me hey, what's the most amount of money you want to make this year? I want to hear your biggest number. So I'm mustering up the courage, I'm dotting my I's, crossing my T's and what is it? I say $60,000. He looked at me. He said okay, because my mindset it was only the wealth, like the most intelligent, brilliant, well-connected neurosurgeons that could make a hundred thousand or more. But I didn't really even understand that there is such an opportunity out here, especially in America, especially in Newark, and I didn't really comprehend what I was getting myself into. Fast forward, there have been months where I make $100,000 net in one month and it's like holy moly. Granted, I don't make that every month. Some months I lose money. But the point is, my framework and really how I measure money is completely changed. Where I used to think in like $1,000 or $10,000, I now think like, honestly, I'm really just beginning to think about like several hundred thousand and or millions, like that's the metric. I'm really trying to make decisions out of.
Speaker 1:Number three cynicism towards people. It's pretty much like cynicism towards life. I just I, you know, I took this assessment when I first got into real estate and on a scale of 110, my level of optimism was like a nine and a half. I was just super optimistic. I always thought things would just work out, that people have your best interests at heart, that kind of mindset. Throughout the years I've actually been transformed where I now almost want to say I'm a skeptic, I'm just a cynic.
Speaker 1:Whether it's like a relationship with a new friend or an organization, a nonprofit or a for-profit organization reaches out, I don't trust. I'm very slow, super slow, super slow. So a lot of people they'll think that I'm like their best friend, like, hey, brendan, oh yeah, me and him are close. We're not close, we're not close and I love you, I care for you, I truly, truly, truly do appreciate you. What I've learned is just you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, like measure twice, cut once. So I may be close to you two years into our friendship, but it's going to take two years and that's a slowness. And it's not even just that. It's opportunities, right.
Speaker 1:I remember I lost like $14,000 or $12,000 on Amazon drop shipping, right. So I'm all pissed off. I'm like, oh man, I lost that money. I'm kind of upset what happens? I realize now that would never happen again, because I got sold on a dream. It's like, hey, you put up 15,000, you'll get the money back and you'll get paid dividends for the rest of your life. It sounded too good to be true. I was optimistic, but that's not how life works.
Speaker 1:Round number two I went to this opportunity in, you know, this whole GameStop, right, gamestop stocks. I got into AMC. I'm like I'm going to make all this money. I'm going to make all this money, optimistic. It obviously did not work out for me. I lost like $15,000, $20,000. But it wasn't enough. I said, well, I can make it back, I can make it back, I can make it back. I started to try trade stocks day trader. I would make $2,000 one day, lose $3,000 the next. All in all, I lost $50,000. And I honestly probably almost lost my wife's respect. I'll never forget it. My wife said to me she goes.
Speaker 1:When I dreamt about marriage, I didn't dream about the type of marriage where there's basically gambling in my house. When my wife said that that's the last day I gambled, I don't want to be that man. So I realized holistically where I do, of course, believe there's so much opportunity out there. I just am much more of a skeptic and a cynic. Thanks to real estate, thanks to getting burned by.
Speaker 1:You know, I had a partner a while back. You know I trusted this man. We were close. Our wives hung out, the whole nine right went over his house. The guy stole countless amount of data, business proprietary business tactics, et cetera. All these things, these data, all this stuff and I'm making like 100 something grand. It pissed me off. I was going to go to war.
Speaker 1:But those are the kind of things I've realized along the way that you just have to be a skeptic. You don't have the luxury to just believe it's all going to work out, because reality is there's real life consequences to our you know, our actions. So I would recommend always, like measure twice, cut once, rather than you being, you know, pissing your pants when things go south, right. So now, if I look at a real estate, you know, renovation project, if it says 120, I say okay, can I do this for 200? No, no, it's only going to cost 120. I'm like, okay, okay, do I have 200 though? Because I've been in that situation where that's what happened, right. I've been in that situation where one project turns into three other projects. So I'm a big skeptic right now in my life.
Speaker 1:I'm a big cynic. I trust very little. I'm very slow to trust, extremely slow to trust, extremely slow. Actually, to be honest with you, it's even actually affected me in my faith Because even my faith when I work with some clients and they're like, oh, I don't feel like God's telling me to do this, I'm like, no, god's not telling. Come on now, I love the Lord, maybe he is telling. What else is he telling you? Right, because you're living reckless 99% of the time. This is the one moment God said something to you. Well, that's convenient, rather than the person just taking ownership over their own decisions. Because I do believe God speaks, I do believe he rocks with us daily and he's inviting us into his presence. But I'm just, I think I just even then it's been challenging my faith because I feel as though sometimes people just throw the God card up and just completely abandon their responsibility from making a sound choice. So it's upsetting. It's upsetting.
Speaker 1:Number four, about the boundaries Quick story. I had a one of my I'm sure probably fine to say, but we'll see, hopefully I don't get in trouble. But basically, my one of my employees her name was Nicole. She no longer is with us. Love Nicole, god bless her.
Speaker 1:Nicole, she was my employee for a while. She ended up dating via office party one of my friends, sam Brito, and I could see my personal. He's the best man at my wedding. He's like literally like a brother to me and I could see the personal overlapping with the professional and I did not like it. I did not like it. So I'm like, oh man, this may not be good. I tried to stop it. It didn't work out Well. Congratulations to them. They got married. But the crazy part was this I am not a perfect person. I must. Of course I'm upset Nicole over the years. She was with me for several years and when she ended up quitting it wasn't on the world's best terms, which made things pretty uncomfortable for the friendship, right. You can imagine, your wife, all these things. So what happened? Thankfully, nicole, I, sam, we're all good friends, yada, yada yada.
Speaker 1:But the point of the story is this I now have very clear boundaries. In my workplace I try to avoid hiring friends or family and if you are a friend of mine in the workplace, I set very, extremely clear, crystal clear boundaries. This is at work and this is personal, and not only that. That's just like relational boundaries, right In terms of overlapping personal and professional. Even more so In my personal life there will be times where I say, hey, I really don't want to talk about real estate when we're together, I just want to talk about life and having that skill of setting a boundary with a friend, it's huge.
Speaker 1:Real estate taught me that if you don't have boundaries, you literally would just get overrun with other people's issues and you'd just be so spread thin you'll be the worst version of yourself. So real estate has really taught me genuinely to slow down, to develop clear boundaries of what's appropriate, what's not appropriate and even, honestly, consequences when you have an employee let's say, one of my employees, you know, makes pretty good money and has a family, et cetera, all these things. They're counting on you for that level of income. So you can feel like, okay, whoa, this is a lot of pressure. That's a unhealthy boundary, because reality is I am not responsible for your income at all. I am responsible for what I can control and the opportunity I provide.
Speaker 1:If the individual has a bad attitude, they don't show up to work, they're not coachable. They actually fail to follow through on their 30, 60, 90, we agree upon certain metrics. They're not doing it. They're not hitting the metrics. I'm sorry, the boundary is very clear in the beginning. If you don't do your job, you're going to be let go. It doesn't matter if you have a wife, kids doesn't matter, husband doesn't matter. You have to set clear boundaries. And how are these boundaries set? You have to repeat them, repeat them, repeat them, repeat them. And when someone crosses a boundary, you need to immediately address it. So that kind of when I used to be, I think, a little bit more conflict avoidance a little bit more. Now I'm much more like. I'm very like.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I dive right into conflict resolution because I don't ever want boundaries to get blurry and then bitterness to grow. I want for the person, my employee or my team member or my client to feel respected. And I want to feel respected as well, because it's a two way street, right, and I really do care about my team, I care about my clients, I care about my community. But we got to have boundaries or it just does not work out well at all. Oh, here's a fun one. This is actually a great way real estate has blessed me. It's called choice. So I was not. I never flew on a plane until I was 19. I flew to Florida. Oh no, I flew to Brazil with my family.
Speaker 1:Now that I'm in real estate, I have like really, it's how money has impacted me I have a lot of freedom of choice. A ton of choice, freedom, a ton. If I want to go to work on Tuesday, wednesday, thursday, I can go. If I want to go on vacation, I can go. I'm my own boss. So along with that comes a lot of freedom. Now there's a lot of responsibilities as well, but abundantly there's freedom of choice. For example, that cheeseburger that I could never get the bacon on, I now always get the bacon and the appetizers and the milkshake. So having that choice is a wonderful thing.
Speaker 1:Even where I want to live, I can choose to live in Newark, or I can choose to live in Warren County, or I can choose to live in Alpine. I can choose to live where I want. It doesn't really matter. I'm not financially constrained. For the most part, I can live almost wherever I'd want to and be pretty financially comfortable, which is a huge, huge thing. And that means not just my geographical my house looks like, but what school my child will attend, what doctors will have right, what friends my child will you know Maverick will grow up with. These are a bunch of choices that having money has provided me, and it's honestly a big luxury. It's a freedom of choice. Do I want to fly 8 am? Well, I know that 11,. I want to sleep in. I know the 11 o'clock flight is a little bit more expensive, but it doesn't really matter the extra 200 bucks. That's a freedom of choice. It is a big blessing and one of the most underrated aspects of real estate is your choice. You don't really realize, but you're pretty limited in the choices you can make, so it's interesting to see that way. We actually have way more choices depending on the financial bracket that we're in, and I've been fortunate enough to experience that over the past few years, for sure, a lot more choice.
Speaker 1:The sixth way that real estate has impacted my life it has given me a deep sense of purpose. There's a concept called ikigai. It's a Japanese concept. Basically it goes like this what do you love, what can you be paid for, what are you good at and what the world needs? Right, a lot of people they have, like, you know, okay, I know what the world needs and I know what I can be paid for. Well, that's just a vocation, that's not really like, that's just a job.
Speaker 1:But then a lot of people they find, okay, I love doing sales, or I love real estate and I'm good at real estate, well, great, that's passion. But if you're not getting paid, all you got is passion. You don't got no profit to get profit and passion. And then what if? Okay, well, I have something I love and the world really needs this. Okay, well, great, now you have a mission. But once again, if you aren't really good at it, it's not that good of a mission. And at the same time, let's say you're really good at something and let's say you can get paid for it. Well, now you have a profession. Right, you're professional at this. So the point is, you want to get all of it. So in real estate, that's what I found. I found something I'm really good at, I found something I love. I found something the world needs right Housing and I found something that I could be paid for and paid for well, so that's called ikigai.
Speaker 1:Real estate has given me ikigai in my life. It's given me a sense of fulfillment and really, truly. I believe I went to school to be a pastor. So when I first got into real estate I felt like I was a sellout. I felt like I was a less dead Christian. I had a lot of shame and a lot of guilt for not going through the vocational ministry route right as a minister or at least some degree of a clergy I don't know right or missionary. I felt like I was a sellout. It was something I really deeply was ashamed about. And now I look at this I say well, no, not at all. I have fulfillment in my work. God, literally, is using my business as a ministry. I've seen people come to the Lord. I've seen people truly transform, old become new. I've seen grace God loving on people and them changing the way they view themselves. So I have seen that. So real estate has truly impacted me and given me a sense of ikigai, a sense of purpose, a sense of fulfillment in my life and, frankly, that's why I don't think I can ever stop. It's not. It's no longer like a shame-driven workaholism, it's true like a purpose-driven effort, a purpose-driven life through my work. So it's really cool. Honestly, I have a high degree of fulfillment and, finally, detachment. This is a big one. This is a lesson that real estate has taught me. This is a way it's impacted me that I highly, highly, highly encourage you to adopt.
Speaker 1:There's a prayer out there. It's a serenity prayer, very popular in AA. Well, let's read that prayer. It says God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. One more time God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Why does that matter?
Speaker 1:In real estate, there's so much that's outside of your control. You want that offer to get accepted. It might not. You want that. Hire that. You made an incredible, profound opportunity. You gave them an amazing opportunity to join your company. They don't. You spend three hours editing a perfect video just like this for you to have 20, 30, 100,000 views and 200,000 followers. It doesn't go through.
Speaker 1:Real estate has beaten me over the head. I've gotten crushed so many times where I truly have just become detached. I've become detached. Detached from what? Two things One the outcome. How things play out, I can't control. I can influence it to a limited extent, but I can only control my decisions. So I've detached myself from the outcome. I really have just been obsessed with the input. What am I doing? Number two I detached myself from people when I got into real estate. I'm a very relational person. I'm a very expressive person. I love people dearly. I love, love people.
Speaker 1:But what ended up happening, I realized, was it actually became unhealthy, kind of what I spoke about earlier with the boundaries? I would have an employee and this employee I felt like a personal level of responsibility for their well-being, like I was their savior, but I'm not their savior, I'm their boss. So I had to detach myself and create healthy level of boundary from individuals, even with clients. I would see myself. You know, my mother was a single mother. My father and her split when I was about 12 or 13. And whenever I have a single mother or a single father as a client, I'm willing to work for free, I'm willing to push all boundaries and I become so deeply attached to the outcome I actually lose my ability to help them.
Speaker 1:So I've learned over time I must be detached. I cannot control the things I simply cannot control, and that takes serenity, that takes a degree of surrender. So that's really how real estate has changed my life. It's much more than having a few billboards, being the number one realtor here in Newark four years in a row, having an amazing team with amazing realtors, with even more amazing support staff, and just it's unbelievable the life I live. But truly, I would love to say that I'm the same guy I was. I haven't changed, but, man, I'm a different person. I think the person that I was seven years ago would not recognize the person I am today. And, crazy enough, this is actually my seventh year in real estate this month, and seven years ago I almost didn't even get licensed because the board of realtors almost didn't accept my license. So I look at my path, where I was, where I couldn't get a job, and now I look where I am, where I'm giving jobs, I'm offering jobs. I'm looking for people.
Speaker 1:If you're a realtor, you want to grow your business, please DM me, call me. I need help. I have too many clients. We can't service all of our clients. Please help us. It's a trip.
Speaker 1:How much things have changed. Right, my mom? We helped her start her own cleaning business. Right, my mom has a legitimate cleaning business operation where she makes a good living. My brother-in-law he's managing our Airbnbs. He's making money monthly. My sister and my brother-in-law have a house, in large part due to us.
Speaker 1:My aunt came to me the other day and asked me for real estate advice. It's just a whole different world. So when I look at how real estate has changed my life, it's changing for the better, without a doubt. With that said, there's some things I wish I could have done differently. For sure I probably would have managed my stress a little bit better on a better earlier on. But here we are 2024. I'm 29 years old, about to turn 30, seven years in real estate have a whole world ahead of me and I'm excited to live it. If you're looking for more information about how you can work with myself or our company here, the Silva Team in Newark, please feel free to DM me or email me. We're looking forward to our next guest, so tune in. We're gonna have a really, really special guest next week. It's gonna be amazing.
