Fellas.  If your  woman. If your children, if your business is the main focal point of your life. Well then no wonder why you feel. Unfulfilled you feel misaligned, you feel ambiguous, you feel lost in your life. 

What's up. My name is Cletus Coffey and thank you for joining this episode of Be The Torch podcast.  And yes. We're talking about. This age old conversation that men have had with their families with one another in society. That to be a man means you take care of your woman. You take care of your kids, you take care of your money. 

You take care of your responsibilities. Cause that's what a man does.  And I'm telling you if that's your focal point. Then good luck to you, dude. I mean, you're setting yourself up for true pain. True.  

Unfulfillment and really putting yourself in a position where you really are going to miss out on serving and supporting the people that you most care about.  Now.  I as a ma obviously as a, as an entrepreneur, as a single father, as someone who's been in relationships that have been very challenging based on how I showed up. And then being in relationships, being in a relationship now where I have shown up as someone completely different.  As someone capable. Of having a purpose and a mission and a core in my life that I am locked in. And focused on following.  



I know I'm not alone. 

I know there's someone out there listening to this right now. You.  That is saying. Oh man. I am completely wrapped up in my family or my relationship or my business. And look, man, it's, it's super common and.  You've got to know that most of society pushes us towards that. And that's why that's one of the contributing reasons why so many men are struggling. Right now in this day and age.  And so.  I want to give you just a couple simple steps that can allow you to.  Disconnect from that being your focal point yet still being able to serve.  Those that you are responsible for meeting your responsibilities. And living a life that is giving your gifts to those that you are responsible for. 

So,  Let me start from the beginning.  

So many of us. Let me just tell you from, from my story, like, I was so locked in on my business, so I, you know, get married. I started having kids and. I got my first taste of entrepreneurship and I'm like, woo. Like that was a drug for me. That was where I wanted to be. That's where I was called to be.  The problem was, I didn't know anything about entrepreneurship. 

I didn't know anything about being an entrepreneur. I know nothing about running a business. I was really, I was a really shitty business person.  And so in lieu of being, because it wasn't successful.  Meaning I wasn't producing a business that was generating revenue that could be able to support the growth and the scale of the company, let alone supporting my family.  I started gravitating for something else that could allow me to. Fuel like a man. 

So I started, so I pour into my relationship and my relationship at the time, like I had moved for, for our relationship.  To where she was living. And I just kind of made her life. My life, her friends became my friends. Her activity became my activities. I just poured myself. Into her life. And she became the focal point. Now it's very difficult. 

Especially being someone as a former athlete where.  I had been used to. The light being shined on me and I was shining a light on someone else and my light had.  My mind had had dimmed. And so.  Then we, we started having kids and then I started putting my energy towards the kids and less on business, less on my partner and into the kids. 

Cause that's what I thought I had to do when I was supposed to, as a man take care of cows, tired of hearing the story about men will take care of the kids. Men aren't supportive and seeing  thin guys I was around who were so focused on their work and not taking care of much of the kids and women were complaining about that. 

And I just, in my misunderstanding. And lack of knowledge and lack of experience. I just thought, well, I'm not going to be that. I'm the guy that just I'm there for my kids. Not realizing that I made them, then the focal point.  And. Oh, through, through all of those examples.  What wasn't the focal point was my purpose.  My core.  And as a man, you are a mission driven being.  

And far too many of us.  Make our relationships, the mission make our parenting, the mission, our business, the mission, they aren't the mission.  They're part of the living experiences that you have, that you can bring your gifts to. And to be able to support.  So really the first suggestion that I have for you is to become aware of where, what you are making your focal point. Is it your, is it your relationship? Is it your parenting? 

Maybe it's your business? A lot of men that's generally what it is. They're putting all, all towards the business. So.  

Where is your, where is your focal point at. And the sooner that we can get you to take her focal point off of it. I'm not saying that you do not. Support and take care of that, which you're responsible for, but here's the danger. Here's where you're cheating. This is where you're cheating.  You're cheating in your relationship. 

You're cheating as a parent, you're cheating in your business.  Because you are not showing up as your, as a master of your true, authentic, highest self.  

Because.  We are not wired that way.  We're not wired to make others the focal point of our, of our life. We are wired to have our focal point as our, as our purpose, that which we're here to do to drive towards.  

And to compete. To be the best version in that, but instead we settle.  

We settle for.  Taking care of, you know, Having to going to get a job. At which nothing wrong. Get a job. Making some money. And not only making money. And going home and. Being in a nice, comfortable mediocre relationship. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.  If you are here at this podcast, watching this video. That's not what you're interested in. And so, you know, there's more to be had, you know, that there's, you want more in this lifetime?  And you're just, you're struggling with how to get it. 

Maybe you're making some money, but your relationships have been challenging. Maybe your relationships are amazing and just can't figure out how to make any money.  I mean all the while. You're trying to figure how to be a present. And affectionate and. Aligned the father with your children. Maybe you're trying to figure out how to get your health. In the mix there.  So.  Once you become aware, which is step number one. Step number two is to be able to change your habits and change your patterns. 

And we.  What we do first and foremost as we've stopped making everyone else to focal point and we make us. We make our purpose. The focal point. That's where we want to drive towards  once we do that, that's how we unlock. The fulfillment, the freedom. In our lives. That's where we unlock the alignment.  To our true, authentic selves. 

And then say, look, I.  Organizations called Be The Torch. So once we.  Become the torch. Once we light that fire.  And it's supported in truth. And responsibility. Ownership.  Once we own that. That personal power is just on it's on fire. And now we bring those true gifts that we have to our intimate relationship. Now we're bringing those two gifts into parenting. 

We bring them into our business.  It's not driven by ego by our insecurities, by our past traumas.  

By our unwillingness to be open and vulnerable and our lives. Is it's driven by purpose. And when you see a man that's purpose-driven. When you become a man.  That is.  Driving locked in has got that north star.  

Focused on that core on that purpose. Well then.  You become a man. That is. Free.  

From a man that is fulfilled.  The man that can give the, the amazingness the highest, most true, real, authentic version of himself to those that he loves.  

Versus showing up as a fraction of that man. Which is what you're doing today by making them the focal point.  

Let's shine that light on you.  And that's not being selfish.  At all.  That's in your self-interest. That is in your family. Self-interest. For you to be solid for you to be whole.  For you to not.  Be triggered by the.  You know, the minute things in your life.  For you to not waiver from your core. Cause that's what they need to see is you locked in and solid. 

Your kids need to see that.  You are an example, a possibility of a man. So whether it's, if you have sons that they are watching you.  And being able to absorb how you are. You love them. You take care of them.  But what is your focal point is your purpose and your mission? So they can do the same thing. If you have daughters. You were being an example of a future man that she is going to be in relationship with.  

To be an example, a possibility is a man's greatest gift. But we can't do that. When we are not our true authentic cells. So we want to bring awareness to it, which takes effort.  Where is my focal point right now, sit down in. What do you got to meditate on that? You've got a journal on that you have to just. Talk it out with someone where become aware on it. Then the second phase to that is when you start to.  Take action. On it.  And then the third phase two that th th the third.  Portion of. Taking action. Is being able to have the courage and the awareness. Two. 

Have the courage.  

Have the courage to not waver. To not be distracted.  Because.  Society out there and traditional. You know, your friends relationships, your parents' relationships. Are going to potentially look different.  And there's going to be distractions.  And the doing this, like, for example, when I was starting, when I was in business.  For a lot of my time in business. I was so like, I would, I.  I would come home with, you know, tasks done. 

Like I worked my butt off all day long.  But come home with. No money. That would make any sales, but I was busy. I was working my butt off, so don't, don't get confused by.  Man I'm I cooked dinner for my family. I, I we're the. I'm the Uber driver, her dad taking the kids to school on two practices and I'm serving my business every day, taking care of my employees. Serving my customers.  And you're forgetting about you.  You're you're distracted by busy-ness by doing things versus being.  And, and locked in on purpose. 

What are you here to do? What does that mission? And stick to that core. Cause then we do a sweep from that core. Then we align our relationship. Or realign it.  Then we aligned who we are as a parent. Then we align how we want to show up in business. But it starts with you. You are the center, you are the core then on the peripheral.  Are your kids and your relationship and your business, your customers, your employees there on the peripheral.  But most men. Probably you. 

I know it was me as well. The core center was all of our responsibilities.  And then we were on the peripheral. So then if we had some extra time, Some extra energy. I'll get a quick workout in.  Or I'll get Sundays. I get my Sundays. How many times I hear guys go, man, I just need to escape on a Sunday or go play some golf.  And I just need five hours to myself. 

No, no, that's not the way we do it. That is a recipe for resentment and being chained to a life that doesn't serve you.  And you, you know, you can say, well, am I, you know, my wife doesn't let me go out, except for on, on Sundays, go play golf. Or I got to take their, I'm doing all the kids' stuff on Saturday. 

Yes. And.  Yes. And.  This is your life.  And I'm not suggesting you can't do all of those things and you gotta take care of those things.  But it starts with you.  And. It, you know, what is, what matters most to you at your core, your purpose? You start with there, then you align and layer in the responsibilities in your life. 

So that you're showing up as at your child's game, not on your phone, texting him because it's five 30 and trying to get a few more texts in or a few emails in from the game. No, no, you're at the game. Locked in, present watching, cheering. Being a dad.  Or.  You know, it's Saturday and you're going out on date night and you're not worried about what's going on with the game or not worried about this business deal. You're thinking about for Monday. It's just.  Or having to be able to escape the family, to go get a quick game of golf in it. 

That's not the way we want to do it. You are at the center, you are at the core. Your purpose is at the core.  And then from there, you're able to give all these amazing people in your life.  Your true, authentic.  Masterful self in all the gifts that come with that. So I hope this resonated with you. And it's, it's.  I know it's counterintuitive.  Because this old addeds that men needed. Be responsible and then got to take care of their family and their, and their woman and their kids and their business. 

And.  Oh, man, that's a lot of weight to put on your shoulders, brother. You are not strong enough.  To carry all that. I don't care. I don't care how much money you make. I don't care how. Strong and fit you are, you are not strong enough to carry that load.  Without caring for yourself first, at some point, if it hasn't happened, you were going to break. 

There's going to be some, some catastrophic destruction. And if it hasn't happened already, it's on its way. It's common.  So let's avoid that. If you've already gone through the suffering and the pain and the apocalyptic destruction, divorce, and the residential schedules, the kids are losing your business or having to split your money up with, with a former spouse. If you've had to go through all that, I'm sorry.  However.  It's time for you to start a new chapter by burning that old.  Process, the old you to the ground and restarting how we do that is for community of men. 

Just like you. So if you go to Be The Torch dot com forward slash academy waitlist.  I would be honored to have you jump on our wait list and to be the first notified when we open up the doors to the next cohort that comes through of men, just like you.  Who are seeking more freedom. Purpose. Flexibility personal power in their life so that they can grow and scale their business, make more money. 

They can have more intimacy and connection and communication and sex with their intimate partners, or if they only have one, how to become the person capable of attracting that soulmate. That gives you the love that you desire. The physical attention, the sex, the intimacy, the.  Whatever it is that you desire in a relationship to be the present. And affectionate and available father for your children.  

And to get your health right.  Your mental and your physical health. Tip top shape, whatever that looks like to you.  

If that's what you're seeking. Then the Be The Torch academy is a great place for you to start to get involved in our community. Because we're going to take you through a process. It is a 12 week process. Where we kick off the, we, we burn the old, new YouTube to the ground. Now there's some lessons that we can learn to, to, and some, some keys from the old you, but we are creating.  

A new man. Man, that is as a foundation, not of insecurities and ego. But have truth and ownership responsibility.  And from there we will. Basically you are going to build yourself up through our guidance, through our trainings, our community, and through our. Men holding you accountable to become a master of your true, authentic self. 

If that turns you on, if that's something you want to be a part of, if you're ready to, whatever you want to call it, the new modern man or the. Just the new you, we are here to help you support that. Be The Torch dot com forward slash academy waitlist. I would love to see you at some point in the future in one of our core Hodes cohorts.  I would love to see you in the future in one of our cohorts and help you become a torch bearer of your own life.