Everything Outside Isn't Thieves - Easter 4A (April 26, 2026)

CPTB is a conversational, funny, and thoughtful take on this week's Bible readings — for preachers, church leaders, deconstructors, and curious listeners who still love scripture, even when they're not sure what to do with it. We explore the text with humor and theological depth, without certainty, outrage, or easy answers.

Jesus says he's the sheep gate. Then he says he's the shepherd. Confused yet?

Comedians Teresa Roberts Logan (@laughingredhead) and Zach Funk (@zachfunkyeah) join Bob and Eric to work through John 10:1–10, and the question that won't go away is: who decided the church gets to decide who's a thief? Teresa brings her full ex-vangelical energy to the table — the damage being done in Jesus' name, the easily-offended fortress-church culture she walked away from, and Van Gogh's sermon on being a stranger on the earth. Zach wonders whether everything outside the gate might just be different flocks. Bob makes the case that the sheepfold was never meant to be a bunker. Eric offers a sermon nobody asked for but everyone needed: the real danger isn't the thief outside — it's becoming one yourself.

Also: the mechanics of nailing your tongue to the roof of your mouth, a very small hammer, the disastrous children's sermon about recognizing your child's voice, and why you should never schedule bring-your-pet night right before dollar hot dog night.

"What if everything outside the gate isn't thieves? What if it's just different flocks?" — Zach Funk

John 10:1–10 (NRSVue) 

"Very truly I tell you, anyone who does not enter the sheepfold by the gate but climbs in by another way is a thief and a bandit. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep hear his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice. They will not follow a stranger, but they will run from him because they do not know the voice of strangers." Jesus used this figure of speech with them, but they did not understand what he was saying to them. So again Jesus said to them, "Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. All who came before me are thieves and bandits, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the gate. Whoever enters by me will be saved and will come in and go out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.