Top Five Jesus Bit - Proper 13A (August 2, 2026)

Josh Rittenour (@ritkeepstalking) and Seth Queen (@sethqueen_comedy) are back on the couch for the Feeding of the 5,000 — and the question nobody's brave enough to ask in Bible study: was Jesus nervous? This week we treat the greatest miracle in the Gospels like a top-five stand-up bit, complete with pre-show jitters, hecklers, and a hometown crowd that literally tried to throw the headliner off a cliff.

Along the way:

• Ineffective church recruitment tactics (open gyms, basement PowerPoints, and one deeply confusing party)
• The poop-emoji-vs-pudding-emoji theory of why Bible study is hard
• Jesus's "failed takes" — the two-part blind-man healing and the disciples who came back saying the miracle "didn't work"
• Compassion after grief: Jesus gets the worst news of his life and the crowd still won't leave him alone
• Eric's read on the actual miracle — that the crowd stopped hoarding and started sharing (or, as Josh puts it, that it beats "clown car bread")

"Whether he zapped the bread or whether he zapped their hearts like the Grinch — there is this miracle there, and it was just enough."

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Matthew 14:13–21 (NRSVue)

[13] Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. [14] When he went ashore, he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion for them and cured their sick. [15] When it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a deserted place, and the hour is now late; send the crowds away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” [16] Jesus said to them, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” [17] They replied, “We have nothing here but five loaves and two fish.” [18] And he said, “Bring them here to me.” [19] Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and blessed and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. [20] And all ate and were filled, and they took up what was left over of the broken pieces, twelve baskets full. [21] And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.