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Remix your Marriage Podcast
Sharing our dysfunctional story of relationship, young parenthood and a broken marriage that all started in 1989, to a new incredible marriage. In hopes to help other couples not make the same mistakes.
We will have open and honest conversations about our ups and downs, our bad decisions and how we learned to get through all the Messiness! Marriage is tough but it is also amazing if you do it right!
Hang in there and give us a chance to Remix Your Marriage!
Remix your Marriage Podcast
EP3 - A Teenage Love: Fights, break-ups and heartbreak, we brought all of that junk into our Marriage
As you learn more about our back story you will understand why we made so many bad decisions as teenagers that we carried into our marriage. In this episode we talk about the beginning of our relationship, the toxicity, drug use and an unexpected pregnancy.
How we broke up then jumped into marriage way to soon. No guidance, and no clue!
We were two kids trying to raise a kid and we were destined to fail.
Our goal with this podcast is to help you have a fun, exciting, loving, sexy marriage! To go over the mistakes we made and show you how to avoid them. To deeply understand each other, how to love each other and how to argue.
We have a passion for marriage! So please hang out with us every week. If you have questions or comments please send them to RemixYourMarriage@gmail.com
We love our 5 star reviewers!! Thank you so much!! Keep them coming ;)
Remixyourmarriage@gmail.com
Warning in this episode we do talk about drug use that may trigger some. Enjoy the show. Hello and thank you for joining us on Remix your Marriage. My name is Lyndon. And I'm Vanessa. And today we're going to talk about the rest of our story, but also talking about the importance of dating and flirting.
Speaker 3:I wanted to say that was a very deep episode last time for our episode two, and I think it's beautiful that we're doing this and I can't believe that we have over a hundred downloads, which may be little to some people.
Speaker 1:Yes, other podcatchers like we do that every two minutes and for us.
Speaker 3:I was just hoping ten people would look. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, this has been good.
Speaker 3:So I'm excited that we're doing this and that I think it's the first time we've been so transparent with even each other and talking about this. So it's been hard. So I also want to remind everyone as we go into the story we were 15.
Speaker 1:16, yes.
Speaker 3:And also Reinder. If you haven't heard episode one and two, please listen to that so you will understand that these are two broken kids that came together and tried to have a relationship.
Speaker 1:Alright, please don't judge me.
Speaker 3:No, you can judge.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I don't want them to judge. Well, they're going to judge. That's just kind of how the world works. I don't approve of that. But if they're judging you and they're like innocent and not guilty, I don't think that's possible.
Speaker 3:I just would rather people not judge me.
Speaker 1:So you guys can judge me, do not judge her. Thank you, deal. I feel better, okay, so when we left off in the last episode hopefully you've listened to the first two episodes we had Vanessa and I had finally met. I had met my dream girl and we were on the stairs and we talked and I was very interested in you, but I had a girlfriend.
Speaker 3:So and I had already pointed out my story, how I saw you and how it was like I need to scam on someone else. And then I saw you walk up the stairs and for me, even though I had already known you, I think you and your friends gave me and my friend to ride home, or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 3:From again. Magic Mountain was the only thing to do out here, and but I didn't like think anything of you.
Speaker 1:You're talking about after we met? Yeah, we met initially. Yeah, I remember you gave us both ride home and I actually thought you know, I love, I love that you said I didn't think anything of you. That's so sweet. No, but it's okay.
Speaker 3:I didn't think of you in that way. We weren't even. We were barely acquaintances.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I didn't know you. I just knew your name and I was like you know. I told you I was dramatic. I know how to crush on someone else and got my heart broken. Not really people. I was a very dramatic teenager. We had finally, you know, through friends this is we're making an extremely long story short Linden found out that I was interested in him, that I thought he was fine True that and I knew that he felt the same way about me. However, he had a girlfriend.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So going back to the whole girlfriend and my previous story of like being worried about being abandoned, right, so I had this girlfriend, very nice girl, but I was very interested in you. But because of my past I'm like I can't let go of this girlfriend because if I go for you and you're interested in all that, and then you decide I'm done with him, Now I'm alone, Now I have no one. So I didn't do the right thing and I should have gone and broken up with this girl, but I kept her on the side while I was dating you. You did not.
Speaker 3:I was the side, and when I say that it is because everybody knew they were both together. I was the secret and what was sad about me is to go back to my dad. My dad had had a. I think he had multiple affairs. I only knew of one but I did know that he gave that girlfriend or whoever he was with priority over my mom. So I believe that in kind of my sick, sad, broken mind that the mistresses were the more loved ones, they were the ones given the most attention to. So I actually liked that you had a girlfriend.
Speaker 1:You accepted that.
Speaker 3:I was fine with that. It wasn't like a big deal, which is so sad. Our relationship started as a lie.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:Being a secret was interesting because I think, deep down inside, it did hurt. I didn't feel good enough. I didn't feel that you truly wanted to be with me because you would not. I think that there was something going on with us where it was like every week you're like, I'm going to tell her. This time I'm going to tell her, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And in my head there was nothing going on with you too. You didn't like her. You were just afraid, right. And even though you know me and my friends because there was a group of my closest friends that didn't know that me and you were together it almost felt kind of on the other side, kind of like I was a badass too, so sick. I know you guys, but I kind of felt that way as well, and at this time the circle of friends that I was with, for a majority were already sexually active. So I was the late bloomer, believe it or not.
Speaker 1:At 15. At 15. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yes, at 15. And we in everybody else's eyes at that time, and let me let you understand the music we were listening to.
Speaker 1:I mentioned that in the last episode and I do want to address the way you felt, the way I felt too, as a young boy at 16 years old, dating two girls and my friends patting me on the back and like you are the man and all that stuff. Thank you. Even though on the outside I acted like I loved what we were doing, I hated it, I hated, I felt horrible. Every day, before you know, I'd wake up feeling guilty and knowing I need to make a decision here. I can't treat these girls like their objects, so to speak. You know, and I just I felt bad all the time. So when I was telling you, like I promised you, next week I'm gonna tell her, we're done, I really meant that, and then I would see her and I couldn't tell her. So instead I would tell her oh yeah, you know the Vanessa thing, where it's not happening.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and again, because, just because I was number one, I was being a coward and number two I didn't want to be alone, mm-hmm, you know. And then you bring into the music that we're listening to and talking about multiple girls and all this, yeah take my body for your pleasure.
Speaker 3:Yes, tonight. You know, you know yeah but it's very strange about it is the reason that I really felt for you was because you were so Kind and I know that sounds so weird, because you had a girlfriend.
Speaker 3:Yeah but you were the first boy I was with that was so respectful towards me, even though, like even when, you know, we'd kiss and Our first kiss you were so respectful. But you, you were so sweet about everything, even to our first date. Even you, you treated me with such respect and you were so kind. Another thing that was so unique about you you didn't cuss Till this day. Yeah my husband does not cuss at all. Even at your worst, you didn't cuss. Yeah and I back then talked like a sailor.
Speaker 3:Yes, you did a truck driver? Was it the same thing?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's the same thing, yeah.
Speaker 3:I did and you hated it. I did yes and I think that's what I I really loved about you, or started falling. You know, my crush just intensified with you because you were so sweet to me and you, you saw. You saw things in me that I didn't see in myself. I was a horrible, horrible student and it was. It wasn't because I wasn't smart enough is because I didn't show up. I did it was. It was a talent, it was an art. The way I did classes. I taught other people how to ditch.
Speaker 1:Yes, and always the entrepreneur, always, always yes.
Speaker 3:I should have built a business.
Speaker 3:Oh no, that's so bad, it's not too late and and when it would call me out on that, he would be like why aren't you, you know, why don't you just go to school, why don't you just try? And every semester I would want to do better. And I remember one time going okay, this semester I'm gonna do my best, I'm gonna show up to school, I'm gonna get better grades. I'm gonna do it. And I think it's because linen was the first and, I have to say, the only person in my life at that time that believed in me and I got a progress report and it's so sad, but it was such a joyous moment for me. I didn't get one F, it was all D's.
Speaker 1:There you go.
Speaker 3:He was the first person I was so excited to run to and tell and you were I cannot believe I'm gonna cry about this. I haven't talked about this in so long, but you were so proud of me and you were so excited and that's what I needed and I think that's why I truly felt for you and even though, knowing you had a girlfriend, I knew what we had was real. Yeah, I knew what we had was real and I and I really believed you that it was hard for you to tell her and I Knew that you loved me, or we're falling in love with her whatever it is.
Speaker 3:Yeah anyways going into, we decided, made it. It was actually big decision. It didn't happen, just like we're talking about. We decided to have sex. Oh, okay 15 and you were 16. Yes, and we became sexually active and stupid true and I think that it was the end of the year, you decided to tell the girlfriend or no. She found out she found out. Yeah, she found out. Was it your senior year that everyone knew? I can't remember. Yeah, okay. Yeah then we started our relationship. Our relationship was public and it was public.
Speaker 1:Like we, our assistants and our publicists, and everyone kept it a secret. And finally we got permission from our in our and our publishers.
Speaker 3:Go public yes, and then I got in the horrible Hobbit. I Would tell linen Okay, I think we should break up for a little bit. And it was because it was spring break and I was 16, maybe 17.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's rewind. Let's rewind, all right, I'm gonna take you guys back. Hello Hi, hey, how you doing.
Speaker 3:That is not what you would say. Hey, how you doing.
Speaker 1:Anyways, go ahead, I'm good, but we need to talk. Oh, it's just that I feel like I just need some time alone, and I just think that we should just Break up for a little while.
Speaker 3:Okay, as a teenager and if you look back now at least, I was not cheating on you.
Speaker 1:I know I was honest.
Speaker 3:I was being honest. Yes, it was wrong, but I was being honest and I wanted to have fun with my friends and I didn't want to feel bad about it. It was all about me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think.
Speaker 3:I don't want to feel guilty. No, it was, it still sucked, but I was also so young. Yeah, you know now I look back at it, I'm like that was a lot to expect out of it is it's.
Speaker 1:It's not impossible, but for us at the time it just, it's just what it was, and I was, you know, obviously devastated and everything that it wasn't that Devastated people everything that I was afraid of happening with us breaking up happened and he dated right away. I retaliated.
Speaker 3:You did not retaliate. Don't act like that. He acted as if it was it was my fault that he ended up being with someone else. So my problem was is alright. I did not have Jesus at the time and I have a very bad temper.
Speaker 1:Anyway, a brother retaliated, that's all I'm saying.
Speaker 3:and you did not, though, you liked this person, and that's okay. That's okay. You were young. I broke up with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so just admit that well. Don't admit it right now, because it'll still irritate me.
Speaker 1:Yeah a hundred and seven years later, but that's okay.
Speaker 3:So Again, that added to my insecurities of us Breaking up and then this is very, very important going into later on in our life, I so then even how did it make you feel that I broke up with you all the time?
Speaker 1:abandoned, like, like I didn't have worth or value, like you, going To do other things was more important than it's not sleeping around. I would like to clear, yeah but you going out to to parties and all that stuff and Breaking up with me so you could have more fun made me feel like, okay, so she doesn't have fun when she, when she's with me. She's only gonna have fun if we're not together and she can do whatever she wants. So that just added to my insecurities.
Speaker 3:Yeah and I get that, and for me it wasn't even about you. I Was started, I drank a lot, started at 14, and Then started getting involved, started doing weed, maybe at 15, 16 and then More stronger drugs back then, and I didn't. I hid it from you because, linden, I don't even think love. Did you ever do anything? You smoked weed Maybe one time in your entire life.
Speaker 1:I did try smoking weed twice.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think I was there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the second time and I didn't like it.
Speaker 3:I don't like seeing you like that.
Speaker 1:I remember I drove Two miles and it took five minutes and I swore took 45 minutes and everyone thought that was so funny and I was like, well, I'm never doing this again, that I don't know on anyway, so go ahead.
Speaker 3:Man was God watching over us. This is very bad stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and.
Speaker 3:And he I knew he wouldn't approve of that and it's almost like I had two different Personalities or two different lifestyles, and one was parting, doing drugs, going to raves, doing all these things with friends, but then, when I wanted to be linens girlfriend that's why I wanted to be good, but then they ended up intertwining, because I ended up I I truly know I was getting addicted and and I remember dating you and still like hiding it, you know, and I think it just had to do with me being a person, a teenager, that was hurting so much, still from so much I was going on a month, do you think that's that's why you started doing the drugs?
Speaker 3:I Started doing drugs I'm gonna be honest just because Everybody was doing it. It didn't seem like a big deal and nothing, nothing that I that. I look back out now and go, my god, I can't believe I was doing that back then. It's like, okay, at 13 you have a boyfriend and you have your first kiss. At 14 you start drinking like I wanted to hit all those milestones.
Speaker 3:Yeah and then I saw everyone you know Doing drugs and I was like, oh okay, I'm gonna do that now too. There was I. There was no thought process through it, you know, and no one peer pressured me. If anything I peer, I was the peer pressure and I can.
Speaker 1:I can say Something about my siblings growing up my, my two older sisters and my brother. I don't even know if they remember this, but every single time we were in a store and we saw somebody who was beat up Linden they did drugs. Same thing we hold our kids. We would see someone who was laying in a puddle behind a store when and they did drugs. I would see somebody missing teeth on a magazine that looked all jacked up linen they did drugs.
Speaker 1:So my whole, you know, youth, I thought I will never do drugs because people that do drugs get jacked up and that's why, as I got older, my friends started, you know, smoking weed and I know Speed was a big thing at the time. I didn't mess with any of that because it was ingrained in my brain that I was gonna be having, I was gonna have missing teeth and I was gonna have black eyes and you know, be ashy, you know you can't be black and ashy and never around yeah, so never. That's a huge reason why I stay away from drugs. I really have to give my sister's and brother credit for For ingraining that in my brain.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because it's not like you weren't surrounded by it. Yeah and one thing you have to know about Linden, too, is that he was very popular with everyone. Everyone liked him. Teachers liked him. There were the jocks that liked him. There were I don't know all the people, but we had some. As the people. It's well, we had like jocks, we had I don't know. We had like different types of people.
Speaker 1:I don't there. It is different types of people. There's a people, there we go. I loved everybody and you did.
Speaker 3:You were the one that broke up fights. And then here comes me, his girlfriend, and I'm the opposite. I started fights. I got in a couple fights Over him, which was ridiculous. That wasn't his fault. It was me again, wanting attention and wanting to be the center of attention, wanting to know, everyone to know oh, don't touch my man, even though I broke up with him once a month, you know. And so, yeah, it was just. I was hurting, very broken. I was very about the moment. I wanted that the next high, I wanted to just have fun. There was no thought of the future. So in going in this crazy life together, linden, you ended up having to go after you graduated high school. You had to go back to Riverside. Yes, we kept kind of a long distance relationship.
Speaker 1:Yes, so I ended up moving back to Riverside after I graduated and my brother and I were Responsible for taking care of my mom. So, as I mentioned in the previous episode, my mom had gotten to a horrible accident and the only way we could communicate with her at first was by her blinking. Later on, we were able to communicate through sign language, which was just letters. Just how God works. We had this sign language book in my house when I was a kid and Whatever, for whatever reason, all of us just decided to learn the alphabet.
Speaker 3:That's so cool.
Speaker 1:And we, just, you know, to this day, we did your mom already know it.
Speaker 1:I think she learned it when she got that book as well. So when my mom came out of her coma and she wasn't able to talk to us, she would sign to us and just spell words. And my brother and I were taking care of my mom and she was completely paralyzed. She couldn't do anything on her own. So that's why I went back to Riverside right after I graduated. I was there for about a year and, because of my bad decision-making, my mom told me you Follow my rules in this house or you have to move out. Keep in mind, I'm 19 years old. I don't want to follow her rules because I don't think they're fair. So I end up moving out and going back to Santa crita with no place to stay no place to stay.
Speaker 3:I mean, you literally slept in slept in public bathrooms.
Speaker 1:Public bathroom I did the whole couch surfing thing from friend to friend. I had no car at the time so you slept in my closet slept in your closet. Yes, Yep and all of that was really to be closer to you oh. It was yeah.
Speaker 3:Didn't know. Yes, I thought, because Santa crita was a home to you, so it was.
Speaker 1:I'd say, like the friends that I had, there were benefits, but it was really to get close to you. I mean, if you had moved to Ventura I would end up, you know, yeah, I'm listening to her.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's true, but you did build a life for yourself and I was so impressed with that because you ended up Getting your own room in a house and it was on your own. You got a great job at that to age. It was a great job and I remember yeah, I remember your room. Your room was Immaculate. You had, like, your own comforter, your own. It was just like you really had your life together and I did not. Yes, my goal was to be a go-go dancer in Hollywood. I wanted to move to Hollywood and dance on top of those podiums. I thought that was so glamorous.
Speaker 1:That is where my brain was and my brain was I want to be a businessman like Philip drummin, and I'm on my way to being. I want to be the father like Bill Cosby, like Cliff Huxdale, so which you know, bill Cosby played on the Cosby show. So I'm right now I'm mapping out my life to have this job and to have my own place, so I can start setting myself up To eventually be that father that my ten year old self knew I was gonna be. So that that was my focus. Yeah, of course, having you and loving on you and hoping that we worked was all there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I was starting to really focus on getting my life together and I really had a feeling like we've even talked to, we haven't talked about it like a couple months ago. I felt like he was dating someone else at the time and I think that I was always accusing him of that and I Just had such an insecurity about our relationship and I think it's because I saw him that he was starting to make something of himself and I was still in the same place. I was still in high school, I Still trying to graduate from high school, and they had suggested that I go to a different school continuation school because I just had too many, too many missing credits and I was by this time at my worst on drugs and Doing it so much that it was actually not part of the parking part, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:You said you knew it was bad when you did it On Christmas.
Speaker 3:On Christmas by yourself and I know by myself and I even, like in my head, I'm like, oh, this is really bad. But I kind of laughed at myself, you know, and it was something I wanted all the time. Alcohol wasn't something I wanted all the time, even, you know, I mean, I was, I smoked cigarettes and, yeah, I was addicted to cigarettes as well, but that was something that made me feel good. I also was obsessed about my weight and the way I looked, even though I was so, so skinny. I never thought I was skinny enough. I had body dysmorphia. I just had so many things going on. But what's scary is I had no idea that anything was wrong. That is terrifying, yeah. So we find out I am pregnant, and the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was so happy.
Speaker 2:And why would I be happy? I was a mess. I was a mess of a person and I think it's because I knew this child was gonna save my life and I remember being so excited to tell you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And what I expected was you to be so excited too, because in my crazy brain I thought it was normal. Like, how many friends did we already know that we're pregnant?
Speaker 1:and-. And how old are you at this time?
Speaker 3:18. 18, yeah, and I went to your work to tell you, or maybe I told you over the phone, but when I went, I remember going to your work, like driving to your work and expecting you to see me and be so excited, but he had the most scared look on your face, which scared me and like he is not happy about this. He is not. How can he not be? And I was almost angry with him, which is so crazy to think, because of course he's there, he's just getting his life together and now his girlfriend is like we're gonna have a baby, let's be happy. Like as if we have this normal, like as if we're married and everything's normal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I remember him in Boys in the Hood, which she mentioned. What if I get pregnant? And he basically said, well, I don't wanna have to deal with that in some form. And she's like, oh, so you're ready to make the baby, but you're not ready to take care of one, or something like that In my thought when you told me that that's what I was thinking like I can't be upset that you're pregnant because I had no problem with the act. So how can I be upset about the baby? But what went through my head in that moment was like I knew it. God told me I was gonna be a father. So now I have this new responsibility that I've been telling myself since I was 10 years old, that I'm gonna handle my child and take care and be the father that I never had. So all that was going through my brain all at once told me that Wow.
Speaker 3:And let's remember, lyndon did not share emotion. He did not talk to me about his feelings at all at this time. So I never knew how Lyndon was feeling, never. He was very good at when he did not want to, when you I should be talking to you when you did not want to talk about something. There was a time where there were two of us who confronted you yeah, and we won't go into detail, we got a lot of story, guys and you literally would put a hood over your head because you're like I'm just not gonna.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna get into this wall. It was you and another girl that you talked to me.
Speaker 3:Yes, About some bad decisions I had made Bad decisions, lots of bad decisions, and so all I saw was your expression, and you looked terrified and you looked scared, which terrified me, and I'm like should I be scared? I didn't know to be scared, as silly as it is, I didn't, no, I'm like well, so-and-so is pregnant, she has a baby, and I know.
Speaker 3:I can do it, you know. And then having to tell my mom that was one of the most hardest things I've ever done in my life. And when I told her she had planned on going to Missouri with my stepdad, they were going to possibly move there. I think they were just gonna go there for the summer. And then, as soon as I found she found out I was pregnant, she's like debating on whether she should stay Until this day. I always say the most loving thing my mom did was when she found out she left. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:And I was forced to figure this all out on my own. I was forced to finally grow up, to finally think about somebody else other than myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And think about this child and how I was gonna raise him, and it was finally, I had like a future and I had a plan.
Speaker 1:You had a why.
Speaker 3:I had a why and I and so he was like. Overnight my phone used to ring off the hook. It was like the minute people found out I was pregnant. Do-do-do.
Speaker 1:It was silent, silent, yeah. And I remember when I told my mom, which it just tracks with my family, and my mom was the most loving, beautiful person in the world. The most perfect person. And I said, mom, I just wanted to tell you that Vanessa's pregnant, and she mouthed the words okay, how do you feel about that? That's how she was. And I said I'm okay, I'm gonna take care of this kid and I'm okay with it. And then she goes, okay, and then my sister punched me in the shoulder.
Speaker 3:Hard. You told me, yeah, and I was like a bruise or something.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, black people don't really bruise a son.
Speaker 3:We were gonna say that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a little tender but it didn't bruise, but yeah, so that was the reaction from my mom and my sister at the time, very different than your family.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly Very different. And my brother was very angry, didn't speak with me. So me and my brother lived in a house together, didn't talk.
Speaker 1:So how did you, during that time of your pregnancy, how did you feel about yourself? Did you stop the drugs? Did you stop smoking during that time? Like, what was your thought during that time?
Speaker 3:So I instantly it was overnight and I thank God for that. I thank my mom's prayers, my grandma's prayers, because there's no reason that I should have just been able to stop because I was doing it so much, mm-hmm, and I had no desire to have a cigarette, I had no desire to have a drink and I had no desire to do drugs, no desire to party at all. I remember I was sitting on the couch and TBN was on and it's Trinity Broadcasting. I don't even know if it's still in the air. Network.
Speaker 3:Yeah, network. And there was a preacher and he basically said I don't remember exactly what he said, does it Maya Angelou says? I don't remember what they said, but I remember how they made me feel. Yes, and I remember how it made me feel and I just instantly started crying and I gave my life over to Jesus in that moment, on that couch, and I said I am yours, I want my child to know you, I want to be the best mom I can be. And I came back to God because I grew up in the church and so I came back to God that night or that day, whatever. And then I started going to remember. We went to a small church.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:They all welcomed me, they all knew me since I was little.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you were still little. I know, I was still little. You were 19. You were 19.
Speaker 3:I was 19 one night in October and then we had him January. Yes, yeah and so yeah. I just decided to turn my life around, went to dental assisting school. Everything changed and we January 11th 1994, am I getting emotional? No, we had little one dude.
Speaker 1:Yes, and we had him in Northridge in 1994. On January 17th was the Northridge earthquake that flattened the city. It's crazy, my son was due on the 17th. He came six days early.
Speaker 3:And if he, I mean, I can't even imagine, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah so.
Speaker 3:But I walked every day. I ate all over. I wouldn't even take an aspirin because I'm like. God forbid anything happened to this child. I want to know that I did everything I could and so I mean I was a transformed person. Because it became, and that doesn't happen. I truly understand. Yeah. That does not happen to everyone, but that happened to me and I know Jesus used him to save my life, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then we did not. Everybody wanted us to get married.
Speaker 1:Yes, it was a beautiful like that whole time of you being pregnant and giving birth and that was just such a beautiful thing, so happy that I have my son. I thought for sure he's going to be a girl, but now I have my son, so now he knew he was going to be a girl and his name was Jasmine.
Speaker 3:We do not have a Jasmine, by the way.
Speaker 1:But now I have my son. So now I'm in my father's position. I have a son. I'm 20 years old and now I know that there is nothing in this world that's going to separate me from my son. There is no one holding a gun to my head. There is no one doing anything to me that's going to make me walk away from myself.
Speaker 3:I have to say Lyndon, I said a lot of me, me, me, no you. Oh, oh, you thought you know I wasn't talking about. You were there for me every minute of my pregnancy. You stayed with me at my mom's house.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:You made sure I was eating. You were there when I went. I mean every minute. He worked. He got two jobs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got a second job.
Speaker 3:A second job. Never, ever left my side till this day.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You never left my side, so I think it is so beautiful. How did you know to do? I mean, now you're explaining.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But it's like you really you know what's crazy is. You made that commitment to yourself, yeah, that you were going to do that. Yeah. And you did drop off a video while I was in labor.
Speaker 1:So just real quick side story. She was in labor.
Speaker 3:But we're so young we didn't know I was in labor so I took a bath because I'm like I have really bad backache, so I'm just going to take a bath at three in the morning. You're not supposed to take a bath when you're in labor. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so at that time we rented videos from a video store, and if you were late returning them, they charge you like $2 a day.
Speaker 3:No, things changed people.
Speaker 1:So on the way to the hospital, I was like it's not like late fees. Yes, I was like what if we're in the hospital for like three or four days? This video is going to cost me like 10 bucks. So let me just stop real quick and drop the video off.
Speaker 3:I am in labor and this man is at Mr. Was it called Mr Video?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Anyways, that was funny. But there the whole time and I remember you looking at little linen went oh my goodness, when he was born, it was so real. And it's weird to think I was 19 and you were 20. Yeah, and we were having this baby and we just knew we could do it. We knew it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:After we had our baby. That is when everything changed Everything. And I have to say in all honesty, it changed for the worse.
Speaker 3:Yes, it really did, as far as our marriage, as far as our relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we weren't married.
Speaker 3:We weren't married, although I was planning a wedding. For I was planning a wedding and Linden had never proposed to me. So I asked my friends to be bridesmaid. We had the bridesmaid dresses picked out, went to get my dress made. All of this, you talk to my mom. My mom, you know it's like I'll, you know I'll pay for your dress and I'll do it because my mom didn't have a lot and we're like no, we're going to make it simple Talked about my uncle that he was going to marry, and then, lyndon, you got to working a lot of hours. You were hardly home.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got into the car business.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you got in the car business. You were hardly home Back then. He had a pager. I would page him all hours of the night. Here I am with the baby. He would not call me back. I would look out the window waiting for him to come home. We had roommates. We had our best friends. They were our roommates at the time and I just would vent to them and tell them I cannot live like this. He's not coming home at night. He's not answering. Every single time he didn't answer me. I thought he was dead, I thought he had a car accident and it was just so unfair and it just kept building up and building up and I'm like I cannot raise a child this way. Meanwhile I'm in Denil's, about to go into Denil's Sistine School, I'm about to make a life of myself and this man can't get it together.
Speaker 1:So my thought at the time was I have two jobs. I'm working all these hours. I'm hanging around with guys that are like you deserve to go out after work. If you go home right now at midnight, she's already asleep, your baby's asleep. So what do you do? Just watch TV. So come out with us and a couple of my friends. So that's just became the thing to do. We'd go out, we'd go to clubs, we'd just be out all night. I was, by this time, 21 now. So I was legal and just being stupid. So I'm having the time of my life and my brain. I'm like she has my baby, so she's not gonna do that whole thing where she breaks up with me for the summer Like she's my baby mama, so she's ride or die. So I'm good. And one night I get home at four o'clock in the morning and all my stuff in my apartment is on my balcony and she has me locked out. You're saying mm-hmm, like you didn't know.
Speaker 3:Because I barely. It's so weird, my memory is so bad. I barely remember doing that, but I do.
Speaker 3:I know why I did it because it's a significant moment in our relationship and I just remember being absolutely fed up. I was done and I knew that I was capable of having a life without you. And I had been. Even though I had broken up with you so many times and all that it happened, I was still very dependent on you, dependent on you for everything, for just emotional support, just being there. And then I think I had this epiphany going wait, I graduated dental assistive school. I'm making my own money now. I found a way to get health insurance. I found a way. I'm doing this all without my mom and without I could I don't need him. Yes, I can do this. And I cannot take another night of not knowing whether you're dead or alive, like I can't take that. So, yeah, I kicked you out and I was done. What is insane is that I was really done. Like there was not one part of me that had a desire to be with you anymore at that time. Not a desire.
Speaker 1:Well, I moved out. So I moved in with a friend of mine. Where were you? How far were you? I? Was about 200 feet in a different apartment with a friend of mine.
Speaker 3:We had friends we all lived like in the same apartment complex. He lived across the street, so we lived with him.
Speaker 1:It was inconvenient and we were apart for a little while.
Speaker 3:His stuff was no longer in the room. Okay, we were really broke, we were really broken up, and he would come and get Lyndon Jr, take him for the day, and then I would be. You know, by myself. I remember going with friends to movies and still.
Speaker 1:And to Venice.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that was. It was awful. I felt awful inside, you know, knowing that I was gonna do this by myself, but I knew I was gonna do it. Lyndon made me mix tapes called LC, seductive Love Jams, which makes no sense because Great mark, yeah, whatever. He would drop them off at the door, he would write me letters. He would, I mean, consistently call me, try.
Speaker 1:My sister had called me and she, out of the blue, and she's like so how are you in, vanessa? And I'm like, oh, we broke up. And she was like why? And I go, oh, because she's tripping, because I'm working too much and she just doesn't want to have to deal with this. And you know, I kind of fabricated a little bit and she's like I'm telling mom, so she tells my mom, my mom. So now my mom is slowly progressing, so now she has a little bit of a voice. So my mom calls me and she's asking me what's going on. And I told her and I honestly believe that my mom did not want my son to go through what I went through without a father, and I think she felt like I was going in that direction, where I was gonna be like him. So she just wanted to talk to you, yeah.
Speaker 3:And I have to say that Lyndon's mom is like she is an angel in my life. She has done nothing and I'm not even exaggerating. She has done nothing wrong. She has always been so respectful, I think mostly cause she was always on my side. Yes, she truly loved me like if I was her own child and I had the utmost, biggest respect for her, more than anyone in my life. And when she called me and she can barely speak on the phone, it's really difficult for her to speak on the phone All she said was hi, how are you? And I said I'm okay. And she said would you just do me a favor? Could you and Lyndon just come over here and just come talk to me? I just wanna talk to you. And I said yes, cause I can't say no to her.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then I remember hanging up the phone and you go, can I have a hug? I'm like no, I am just talking to your mom out of respect. And then on the entire ride there we talked about everything.
Speaker 1:We drove to.
Speaker 3:Victorville, it was about an hour and a half drive yeah, hour and a half drive. We spoke the whole way and then cleared up a lot of things. I don't remember what it was. I'm kind of just going over through it fast because, knowing what I know now, we still were not ready to be married. However, I talked with her and then again, I don't remember what she said.
Speaker 3:I just remember how she made me feel and I knew I wanted to be a part of this family. I knew I wanted to be a part of her family and we looked at each other and we're like there's no reason for us to be together for not going to get married. And a week later he comes to my work, gets down on one knee, proposes in front of everyone, makes the big splash, which is very sweet. Then, a week later, or actually the next day, we told everyone we're going to Vegas, we're getting married and people were mad because we got married on a Wednesday. But you know what? We broke, and Wednesday was a lot cheaper than getting married on a Friday and Saturday.
Speaker 1:We saved like 30 bucks.
Speaker 3:Yes, how much did we pay for license, minister chapel? Like $200?.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that was tough for us. That's a good time.
Speaker 3:That was really hard and my mom still got me my dress. Yes, megan was there, or friend Megan, who still is my BFF, yeah, she was there, he was there and my mom and my stepdad, but some people couldn't make it because they were pregnant. I don't want to ask, because they were pregnant, so she couldn't make it because she was nine months pregnant.
Speaker 1:So I was going to say that there were a handful or other people that would have been there, but it was really really short notice.
Speaker 3:It was short notice we held nothing against anyone. We knew this was about us. It wasn't about the big wedding or anything. We just wanted to get married.
Speaker 1:What was the name of?
Speaker 3:the chapel Silverbell.
Speaker 1:Silverbell.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's next to the.
Speaker 1:Little white chapel.
Speaker 3:Little white chapel yeah.
Speaker 1:And then next to that's the little black chapel. If not, okay.
Speaker 3:And we spent a week in Vegas. Our son was two years old, and then we were married and we lived happily ever after. Blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:Yes, so this is it. So that is your story, my story Background, Our story of coming together and now we get into the marriage stuff and we are going to share with you so many tips and things you can do to have a better, stronger, more passionate.
Speaker 3:I would like to add a tip to this one.
Speaker 1:How not to interrupt. Okay, I don't know, go ahead.
Speaker 3:But I would. I would like to add this because in the turmoil and dysfunction of our relationship and I know we were very young one thing that I think it's important to do when you're married and when you've been married maybe a couple of years, it starts to for some people it starts to feel a little boring. You're like what is going on? Is this it to marriage? Go back to what you did when you were dating. Like think about the things that made you so happy and gave you butterflies in your stomach when you were dating. And one of the things that I loved that you did was you wrote me letters. No, he didn't text me, he physically wrote me letters.
Speaker 3:And Lennon is an artist and he used to draw pictures of, like, all my favorite characters At the time. I loved Roger Rabbit and he would draw Roger Rabbit with hard eyes and with a beautiful poem, and Lennon is a beautiful writer as well, thank you. And he would write me all these things and I think that's so important. Just to add that to your week, or add that to like a surprise, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, let's do this. Okay, so we'll get more into that on another episode, but I think your assignment, if you will accept, is to send your spouse a sweet, sexy flirty text, a few throughout the day, just surprise them.
Speaker 3:I know you know your love language is physical touch and that doesn't mean that it needs to be. If you don't know five love languages, get it right now. Stop pause, buy it right now. But most people do know five love languages. And physical touch is Lennon. It doesn't necessarily mean sexual, it doesn't mean that actually. It means like holding hands or what he just he loves that. So I know that if I do that, that's where he feels most loved.
Speaker 1:So I would think work on that. I'd say yours is active service. Acts of service.
Speaker 3:You know, I feel like it's changed a little bit yeah.
Speaker 1:So she would love to see me work and cutting the grass.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh. Yes, that's my favorite washing dishes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so basically her employee, but it's okay.
Speaker 3:So next week we get one step closer to episode five, but we'll talk about the beginning of our marriage. Yes. Yeah, and give some tips then and some things to avoid Also. Yes, things to avoid people Also. Please, if you can because we're new rate, but not only rate this podcast can you also write us a nice review, and it would help us out a lot. It would so much. We appreciate you guys that are listening. Oh my God, it means so much to us.
Speaker 1:We make so much and we make your marriage at gmailcom. Any questions or comments? We love them.
Speaker 3:Yes, if you've got a specific topic, we can do that. So remix your marriage at gmailcom.
Speaker 1:Thank you guys, all right, thank you Go next time.
Speaker 3:That's gonna be your sign off.
Speaker 1:So I think I like Love Heart. I do too. Love Heart, remix your marriage and we out Peace, yeah. So you know what. I know we're done. I need some help. We'll be out in a minute. Whatever you're cooking, I don't know, I'm out for it. Oh, thank you, I'm out for it.