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Remix your Marriage Podcast
Sharing our dysfunctional story of relationship, young parenthood and a broken marriage that all started in 1989, to a new incredible marriage. In hopes to help other couples not make the same mistakes.
We will have open and honest conversations about our ups and downs, our bad decisions and how we learned to get through all the Messiness! Marriage is tough but it is also amazing if you do it right!
Hang in there and give us a chance to Remix Your Marriage!
Remix your Marriage Podcast
EP5 - The death of a marriage (part 1): Lyndan's horrible secret is found out by his Pastor. He is forced to tell Vanessa the truth.
As we, Lyndan and Vanessa, lay bare the rawest edges of our marriage, we confront the shadows of infidelity and the long, often bumpy road to healing. Our heartfelt discussion offers a glimpse into the emotional aftermath that followed my (Lyndan's) confession of an affair, and how it forced us to face the music, leaning heavily on our faith and the wisdom of our church pastor.
Marriage is not without its trials, and ours proved no exception as we grappled with the ramifications of broken trust and the sheer importance of communication. We walk you through the discovery, the confrontation, and the community support that surrounded us, spotlighting how our pastor's guidance and the strong bonds with friends helped us find our footing.
There is so much more! Stay with us and I promise you will learn some valuable lessons from our mistakes. Our goal for you two is to Remix the old and have a brand new, more excited, more loving marriage!
Please follow us on our instagram page, @RemixYourMarriagePod
Ask us questions there or at RemixYourMarriage@Gmail.com
Lastly, Please rate and review us! Those stars keep us going!
We appreciate you for listening!
Remixyourmarriage@gmail.com
Hello and thank you for joining us today, episode 5. My name is Lyndon I am Vanessa. And we are your host for Remix your Marriage. If you've been following along, we've kind of pumped up this episode 5 and in episode 4 we kind of left off, with my pastor taking me out. Are we just going?
Speaker 1:right into it.
Speaker 2:Well, I kind of just wanted to give them.
Speaker 1:Okay, because I wanted to say a little something.
Speaker 2:So today we're going to get into that what got me there, what got us there and where we are now, and what we've learned somewhat of what we've learned.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because the next episode will be my side. Yes, so yeah, this is part one.
Speaker 2:Part one If you have young ears, this may not be the time to have them listen to it, but I'm not going to tell you how to parent. If you think that's okay, let them listen. And number two, which is very important this happened about 16, 17 years ago. Can?
Speaker 1:you believe that. I know and we happened a whole teenager ago.
Speaker 2:You just want a teenager, yeah, the whole person that can drive. Oh, there we go.
Speaker 1:The whole person that could drive ago.
Speaker 2:And I'm glad you said a joke, because what I was going to say was that this is a very, very serious thing that happened in our relationship. However, we have to make light of it somewhat to get through it. So we may crack a few jokes, but that does not take away from the seriousness of the subject and what happened to us. But we have to laugh a little just to get through it all. So please don't take that as us not carrying or not taking what happened for real.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because, believe me, it was very real. However, we also want to protect our marriage and our mental health and to talk about things that like this in the past, that we haven't talked about at this level. We don't want it to bring any animosity towards us, or towards each other or anything.
Speaker 1:So we need to protect each other. But, yeah, please understand, I was saying today is such a big day because this whole podcast and how do I, how do I put it? This passion that I had in my heart or this calling? I shouldn't call it a passion, I'm a passion for marriage, but God had put this in my heart, I want to say, maybe a year ago or so, and I just kept nudging it away and what that? What that was was to start our podcast again, however, started with talking about the truth and talking about what really happened. It was very hard for me because I didn't want to bring it up to you, because it is your story to tell, and so I didn't know how I was going to do that. So I think I slowly started giving you hints and I wish you are very, very good at, and I do that.
Speaker 1:Which is the reason why we have a Peloton oh my God, I was just about to say that and a sleep number bed too.
Speaker 2:Yes, she yeah, little by little over the course of a couple years of me saying no, peloton too expensive. No, peloton to all right, how much of the payments?
Speaker 1:Okay, ladies, that will be another podcast. I'll tell you my all my secrets. I just knew this was something that I couldn't let go of. It was like God was always just pressing it on my heart. And then we were at church, maybe six months ago, and Pastor Joe, one of our pastors, had done a message of using your pain for a purpose, and we were sitting front row and there, and we were right, and we go to a pretty big church, so sitting front row is kind of a big deal and I just I felt as if he was speaking directly to our soul.
Speaker 2:You're real, like your, like your pastor spy on you, like they have somebody like hiding in your closet watching your life and they're like I'm talking to him or I'm talking to her on Sunday because it's a lot of times that I felt like he knew, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Getting to what happened. So my pastor had asked me and said you know, I don't believe that this is true, but I have to ask you Are you having an affair? And I said yes. So a big part of me was relieved. I was so relieved because I was so into church and gaining this relationship with Jesus and really feeling like I was there. But having this burden that I was carrying with me that I told no one about and I mean no one, like when you have a best friend that you told everything to and you don't tell them something, then you already know that you're doing something wrong. And I didn't even tell my best friend. So when, when? No one, no one no one.
Speaker 2:I have been praying like crazy, like God, help me get out of this. God, I don't want to be here anymore. I want my marriage, I want my wife, like we're becoming that couple that I dreamed of and that couple that I thought about when I was a kid, and it's all coming together. But I have this, this secret, and I just need you to help me. Just help me get out of this. So when I met with my pastor and he said he asked me the question, I was like, thank God, thank you, okay, so this is my guy. He's going to help me get out of this.
Speaker 1:So got my back. Yeah, like you were thinking old school days, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was thinking like like, yeah, like my boy Ray would. So. So I'm like, yeah, so what are we going to do? And he is like well, you have to tell your wife. And I was like no, no, no, no, I've admitted to you what I've done and now I need you to get me out of this. So what can I do? And he goes, you have to tell Vanessa. And I said I cannot tell Vanessa because we've talked about this and we had decided, if either one of us ever did, this divorce is on the table. And I said so I can't tell her. And he goes well, today's Monday, I'll give you till Wednesday to tell her.
Speaker 1:I remember that.
Speaker 2:If you don't, then I'm going to have to. I'm thinking like this is God, like I was pretty specific in my prayer, like I don't want her to have to know, I ended up leaving there and I could spend three hours going over every emotion and the guilt and everything that I felt with that 10-minute drive.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile I'm home with the kids. We're probably in our worst financial state ever in our entire life. I'm cooking dinner. I knew you were with the pastor. I thought he was going to like step you up into more leadership and do something big. That's what I thought, and I think I'd mentioned before that I knew something big was about to happen to us. I did, but I didn't, because I felt that we were being prepared for something. I know that sounds weird to maybe some of you out there, but when you're spending daily time with God and praying, it's like he's always. God is always there, always, always there. It's up to us whether we are going to spend time with him to get to know him better and once you get to know him better, you could hear his voice clearer or we stay away. I was drawing in, so I felt I just was. It was almost like I was excited that something, so I thought it was good. So I am just not even thinking. I got three little kids at the time and I'm just cooking them dinner.
Speaker 2:Driving home thinking of the best way to say it, and there really is no best way. And I get home and I just text you without thought and just said we need to talk. And you got in the car and you sit next to me and I remember thinking how is this going to go? Like what is she going to hit me? Is she going to leave me? Is she going to kick me out of the car and drive Like I didn't know? And then I looked at you and you looked at me and then I just started crying, just started bawling, like you're covering your face Uncontrollably and I can't imagine how terrifying that is for you, not knowing anything.
Speaker 2:I just thought somebody died. Yeah, I just thought somebody died. So I'm trying so hard to get a hold of myself and get a hold of my emotions, my emotions, but at the same time I'm thinking, as soon as these words come out, everything changes, just like I am right now. I was at a loss. So you ended up calling. He called you. No, oh, I did so. You called our other pastor and he knew, being that I was so involved in the church, it was important for the two pastors to know, and so so you get counsel and help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you called him.
Speaker 2:And yeah, you called him and I'm just crying like a baby.
Speaker 1:And Because you're still not telling me, yeah. And so I'm like, who am I going to get to tell for him to tell me, because it's not talking to me and I'm just sitting there staring at him and I'm crying now because I'm like, because you don't know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So you? So you get a hold of him, you're talking to him. He asked you to put me on the phone, so I got on the phone and I'm just slobbering, spitting, you know. And he goes Lyndon, I need you to be a godly man and I need you to tell her what you did. And I'm just crying, I'm not saying anything. He's like get a hold of yourself. I need you to tell her exactly what you did. And I didn't say anything. And he goes do you understand me? He's like, I need you to tell me you understand me. And I said. I said, yeah, I understand.
Speaker 1:I heard. I heard him say hang up the phone now and tell your wife and talk to your wife.
Speaker 2:That's what I heard, and then I said the words to you. I cheated on you and then you explode it Meanwhile our kids, which we did not know, we're looking out the window. Yes they saw me crying, which I didn't do back then.
Speaker 1:Maybe I do a little bit more now that I'm older, and that's a whole nother, whole, nother thing that I'm trying to control, but anyhow, you have released your emotions. You're no longer afraid of showing emotions.
Speaker 2:I'm still afraid. Anyway, my kids see me cry was a big deal because I didn't, but we didn't know that they were watching us.
Speaker 1:We just found this out when we talked about this again a couple months ago, that they were watching us from the window.
Speaker 2:We knew that, we knew that day and this is why we knew. This is why we knew, because they called your mom.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't know that they were watching. I didn't get upset over the window. I didn't specifically knew that. I knew that we had been outside for a while and they were concerned.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but they wouldn't call your mom because we're outside.
Speaker 1:I don't know who else I was thinking about.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So they got scared because they saw both of us crying, so they called your mom, which, of course, was exactly what I wanted for your mom to come over.
Speaker 1:Let's set the scene again. So when you say explode, I specifically remember getting out of the car immediately, yeah, and I called my best friend and I felt as if I was in a fog. I can't explain it's and people use this term all the time but it felt as if somebody had literally pulled the rug from underneath me, Like my knees got weak. I felt like I was going to pass out. I almost felt like I was dreaming and, because I really want you to understand, I had absolutely no clue at all. I had no idea. It was not even something I expected. Like, oh okay, so you confirmed it now. Now I know for sure. No, this was like, I had absolutely no idea.
Speaker 1:So I just was so devastated because financially we were just a mess and all I kept doing was like during that time saying, thank God, I have a great marriage. Thank God, I have healthy kids, I have a great marriage. I had so much pride in my marriage. You know I'm like, wow, I don't even have that. I don't even have that. So I called my best friend and I told her can you please come over here, because I am trying to find a bat or a rock or something so I can kill my husband, not literally, but I wanted to hurt him. You wanted to hurt me and she didn't even ask.
Speaker 2:She just says I'm coming over now and her and her husband, which is your best friend, so before that so that's the OG in them but prior to that, if you remember, you came back to the car where I was still sitting crying and you said you need to call her right now and tell her it's over.
Speaker 1:Oh God, I don't even remember, really, I just don't remember that.
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah so, and I hadn't talked to her in a while and I called her and said my wife knows everything and I can never see you again.
Speaker 1:I remember that happening after everyone had come to the house and he went outside in the little alleyway and you put her on speakerphone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it was right away. Ok, he was right away. Ok, our friends came over.
Speaker 1:One of the pastor that you had called, or that I had called, came over with his wife, my mom and my stepdad come over. That was, and they are. What is going on? Is everything OK? I I'm going to tell you guys. It happened so long ago so I don't remember a lot of details. I just remember them taking my kids and I was sitting in a car with my friend and I was just like I said I, I I remember crying and then just daydreaming, crying and then daydreaming.
Speaker 2:You know, so I remember my father-in-law and my friend Ray Ask him why. Like why did you do this? What happened, why? And I remember Ray was like you didn't even tell me Like what? How did he find out my stepdad?
Speaker 1:Because the kids called your mom. I know.
Speaker 2:But how did he find out why?
Speaker 1:and what you did, because when they got there, they asked what happened.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you told them, no, you told them, I told them yeah.
Speaker 1:OK, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, at the time he got to me and I was really hoping.
Speaker 2:Anyway, by the time he got to me he already knew. So he was so angry Like I saw him coming towards me, like with this mad look on his face, and then, when he saw me crying, he like softened up and he was like what? You know what the hell, what happened? So I didn't even talk. I don't remember what I said. I just remember crying and not being able to breathe and thinking divorce and thinking you know, I did everything in my power to avoid being my dad.
Speaker 2:And here I am, ready to leave, ready to run, like he did, because I backed it. I put myself in this corner. I did this to myself and I didn't want to face it. I wanted to run. So what I wanted to do you know, one of the things I wanted to talk about to anyone is how I got here, how I got there, and it was just a bunch of bad little decisions.
Speaker 2:I didn't wake up in the morning and say you know what, today I think I'm going to cheat on my wife. It was contrary. That was one of the things I promised myself when I was seven. That was one of the things I promised myself when I was 10 years old and I knew I was going to be a good father, that I was never going to cheat Maybe on my girlfriend, you know, who knows you know, but on a wife never, yeah, so what happened was I was very unhappy, as you know, and I didn't talk to anyone about it and I started letting people that I worked with get in my head. So after work. So there's some days where I got off at one in the morning. There's some days I got off at 11 at night and I knew you didn't know the difference. I knew you knew Car business, car business. So I knew once midnight hit, you weren't going to know what time I got home.
Speaker 1:Also to let everyone know too. When I found out this had happened, this began two years prior. Yeah, two years prior to me finding out.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, and it wasn't just one time.
Speaker 2:No, okay, this person started coming into my work and I thought nothing of it. I'm like I'm not going to do anything, didn't think anything of it and I allowed her to come to my work whenever she wanted and we would just talk about stuff and really nothing, you know. And then, after a couple of months of that, I'm like, hey, all the guys are going out, we're going to the bar down here, do you want to? You know, come hang out with us, yeah, yeah. And again, no thought there and this has just continued. Bad decisions. And then she started hanging out with us at the bar and still me being naive and stupid and thinking, you know, like I'm superhuman, I kept inviting her to stuff and she kept hanging around with us. And you know, after so long, then it happened.
Speaker 2:And then I couldn't believe it. I mean, I felt like the biggest piece of crap, you know, I felt so horrible about it and it continued. So what I did was, after making this slew of bad decisions, they ended up in the ultimate betrayal. In order to numb that, I started drinking a lot and I'm not a big drinker, and there have been but I was trying to drown the guilt. And on top of drowning the guilt I was going back to. Well, we don't have sex anyway and we don't do it. So I'm trying to find, I'm trying to hold on to something they kind of let me yeah they make me feel like I'm still human, because I felt like I didn't.
Speaker 2:I didn't feel like a human, I just felt like a disgusting being, you know. So I'm like clinging to anything that will make me feel OK about what I've done. And so I was drinking a lot and driving stupidly and you know, I think God every day that I'd never hurt anybody. You know, and this goes back to one of the things that you and I talk about. We always talk about people that have a work wife or a work husband and how harmless that can be. And I can tell you from experience this wasn't even considered a work wife. This was not. This was barely just a friend. But because I didn't put a wall up and I didn't block anything, I just let things happen and happen and happen. And then you know we're human beings and you know we have feelings, we have emotions that we just kind of let things happen. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And also I think you know, maybe I got that question a lot Like how did you not know this was happening? How did you, how was this such a shock to you? How was it so surprising? And then, when you start to look back and you start to, there was a couple of text messages that I had seen that he had gotten and they were kind of audacious and odd. But I had so much trust in him Like it wasn't even in my, it wasn't even my thought that he would do that. And he said that he had a friend that is just kind of weird with him and just says weird things to a male friend.
Speaker 1:And then I'm like, ok, even though there was one that was really really specific about like being in bed or something like that. And then he's like I don't know, he's just weird, he's just a fool. But what is so weird and I know many people, women, would probably think how did you not know? Ok, you've got the text messages, because when you have this trust, this undying trust for someone, then you believe them. Yeah, you believe, and that's what I had. I had a complete trust in him. When I think back to the days, because I want you telling me about the drinking and driving and drinking I this is more things that came out later that I didn't know about. At that time we didn't I mean, we never even had alcohol in the house. We have alcohol, forget, but it was none of that was in our home at all.
Speaker 2:It was odd that that was one of the first things that Pastor Gary asked me once, once we started counseling was during this time where you're drinking a lot. I'm like how in the world would you know that? And that is just a sign of you know if someone just suddenly starts drinking a lot, it's a sign of a cry for help. A lot of times.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't like we didn't, it wasn't like it was a bad thing or anything like that, but at that time, no.
Speaker 2:I want to tell you it was a bad thing because I wasn't. I wasn't drinking responsibly, I was drinking to get completely drunk, so I would forget you would forget, so it was all. Yeah, so I abused it. It was. It was a very bad thing for me.
Speaker 1:So when you would come home because of the hours he wouldn't come home till two or three in the morning because at times I was the car business hour it still is Still is it's still like that.
Speaker 1:So I didn't know he was coming home drunk. I would just, you know, sometimes get up in the middle of night and see it he was sleeping on the couch, but he's exhausted. He had like 12, 15 hour days and none of that. And then again I trusted him. You know, I had no idea. I did know deep in my soul that, you know, we weren't the happiest in our marriage, but it wasn't like we were fighting all the time. It wasn't anything like that. We were actually. We got along great, but again we were more roommates than actually lovers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and you know I say it a million times it's this was all a lack of communication on my part and, you know, trying to avoid a fight. So I don't want to talk about the fact that you left your car unlocked, because that's going to cause an argument that's not necessary, so I'm just not going to say anything. And then, every single time I check your car, your car is unlocked and it's building and building. And then one day I'm like why in the world? And it becomes this fight that it doesn't have to be, when I could have just said it at the first time and we could have talked about it and you could have been irritated with me. But then we fix it and that's the way this should have been. I should have taught you about it instead. I should have taught you about it instead.
Speaker 2:I don't think I can live like this. I feel like roommates and I'm thinking that this isn't working out between us and we need to get some type of help. That would have been the mature thing to do, but instead, based on my past and not talking anything, I just held it in and this is the result. And I say that to men and women it's worth the small fight that you're going to have to avoid the big giant fight and the lashing out that's going to happen if it's not taken care of. When it's a small fire, it's good. A match can burn down a whole city, right? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so back to the night that I found out, we I eventually got out of the car. I was sitting in a car with my friend and my pastor's wife and we walked into the house and we had our friends there and our close friends, which, again, I'm going to add the power of the people that you surround yourself with. I don't know where I'd be or what I would have done without them by my side, and we needed them there, because I think I ran at Lyndon like I was going to beat him up a couple times because I have a very bad temper.
Speaker 2:You would never know.
Speaker 1:I don't know how to talk about how I used to fight. I just didn't understand and I was crying, I was devastated and I remember my pastor saying I remember him saying and I just felt like this was bad timing. But you know what? I never forgot it he goes. One day, Vanessa, one day you're going to look back at this and you're going to be thankful this happened. Am I seriously? I'm like really.
Speaker 2:Read the room. Even I bawled him. I was like fool. Now's not the time.
Speaker 1:He is absolutely right. I look back at that night and one of the things I don't mean to backtrack a little bit, but, like I had said, that we had just shared this with our daughters and when Lyndon sat down by the way, just a reminder in case you didn't listen to the other episodes our daughters are in their 20s and our son is 30 and Lyndon was so nervous telling them what had happened and both of them pretty much knew specifically the 26 year old because she remembers that night the most. Our daughter watched every like, looked at us outside the window, which I didn't know. She knew something that she knew. She had to call her grandma and grandpa. I'm just so impressed by that.
Speaker 1:But we had to meet with our pastor. Our lead pastor wanted to meet with us the next day and what you know for those of you who don't, who don't attend church and don't make, this may sound confusing, like I'm thinking. Some people are like why are they all up in your business? Yes, this was. This was what saved our marriage. This saved us from each other.
Speaker 2:This saved me from making a rash decision out of anger.
Speaker 1:So we met him the next day and devastated no sleep.
Speaker 2:How did Pastor Gary find out?
Speaker 1:Are we going to say that, oh yeah because I'd want to know.
Speaker 2:It's my pastor, like you're right, You're right. What's the connection? How in the world, how would that happen? So, as I mentioned, I prayed like crazy to get out of the situation. So the fact that my pastor found out is absolutely amazing. She told her coworker. Her coworker told a friend that happened to be your friend. That friend went to our church and instead of telling you which I would think a friend would do she decided to tell the pastor. So I have to believe that it happened exactly the way that it should have happened.
Speaker 1:The way that it happened, the way that it ended up to. I think it ended up being told to the best person that could have happened. He was your mentor, he was your friend, he meant means so much to us and I think if it was going to happen, that was the best way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if someone had to. If you really think about the whole big picture, like the fact that our pastor found out, like it just amazes me and and it tells me that that God answers prayers honestly, I just like reliving it and thinking about it.
Speaker 1:How true, like how much God loves us and just like, even With something so awful and so horrible and he knew how devastated I would be he took care of us the whole way, with people, because God uses people to speak to you, to comfort you, and he used our pastor. Use it because I'm thinking if I would have found out, say like I found out at the Target, I don't know, yeah, more silly, I would have lost my mind, I wouldn't have had the protection of this community around me and protecting me and protecting my heart, and and just the way it was done Was just so perfect.
Speaker 2:The next day we go to his office and so we agree that we're gonna go to counseling Like we just maybe we hadn't agreed yet. We were meeting him for one day.
Speaker 1:Yes, we're me. We're just here to talk about it. I am Devastated and I'm sure there's many women that are listening that could understand how I felt maybe some day and some men, sorry. I Felt as if someone had died the most devastating, just hardest thing I've ever gone through in my entire life till this day. And I remember telling my pastor that he's like. He just looked at me and then that's what I said he goes, yeah, he goes. The death of a marriage. He's like this is what you're feeling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and.
Speaker 1:Then he asked Lyndon to he's like I'm gonna need you to leave the office for him and I just want to talk to Vanessa one-on-one. And I said, and I just looked at him like I was, I just not, I can't even imagine what I look like, you know yeah no sleep.
Speaker 1:No sleep, I ain't all night, I'm all night. And I just like shook my head, like can you believe this? And he goes okay, I need to ask you one thing before we can move forward. And I said yeah. And he said do you want to save your marriage, do you want to work on your marriage? And I promise you guys, my head, I was saying no, I was saying no, but I nodded my head yes, but in my brain I'm like no. And then I just said yes. And when I said yes, my pastor's reaction was and he wasn't an emotional pastor he got a little like choked up and he goes. You have no idea how happy I am to hear that I can help you, I can work with this. Then and then I said, okay, let's do this. And and then you came back in the office and that's when he agreed.
Speaker 1:Yeah or we agreed to him and so it began our counseling.
Speaker 2:As we wrap up this episode, I just wanted to remind you, husbands and wives out there, the importance of communication. Whenever people ask us what is your secret, you guys have been married for almost 30 years. What is your secret? And for me, the secret is communication. The more I talk, the more I express how I feel, the better we've gotten. Yeah, and that's the best advice I can give anybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah as to is to talk, to talk about everything, to get therapy, to, whether it's you know, we had no money then.
Speaker 1:Nothing we could have had that as an excuse, but thank God, we had a pastor that was willing to spend that time with us once a week and we also were given I was given an Incredible mentor that had through the same exact thing I had went through and just having people around. I would say that one of the most important things is look at the couples that you're surrounded by. Look at the people you're surrounded by what. What kind of is that the, the spouse you want to be? Is that? Is that the marriage you Want?
Speaker 2:and you know what I can say about that. The people that stood by us during that time are still with us today. Mm-hmm, there's a reason for that, yeah, so watch the people who are cheering for you and watch the people who sit quietly. Always go for the cheerleaders.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true. I that's very, very true. So we'll continue on, because obviously it wasn't like oh, we got help and everything.
Speaker 2:Oh no, I mean, even to this day, we still got on each other's nerves, we still have our little arguments and things like that.
Speaker 1:I get on your nerves.
Speaker 2:Oh, you wouldn't even know, girl, it's rare, seriously.
Speaker 1:I get on your nerves.
Speaker 2:Oh no, it's rare OK.
Speaker 1:You get on my nerves though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's. That is a proven fact. I get on your nerves so much that you ask me if I do it on purpose. Literally right before we video this, I mean before we did this episode you asked me seriously, do you do that on purpose? And the answer is yes, sometimes I do. It's entertaining.
Speaker 1:Because sometimes it's so specifically gets to a certain nerve of mine and he knows it. So I don't understand. So that's why I have to ask are you, are you doing this on purpose? I don't get it. Anyways, it was many years I we will talk about it more I went through my own stuff. I am not misinnocent, I don't. I don't have an affair to talk about, but I have other things to talk about.
Speaker 2:Oh, he's a little jab, but it's OK, Just like when you're like. But you lost your job out of nowhere.
Speaker 1:I'm so sorry, but I'm not as bad as him. No, I'm just kidding. We have our things that we work through.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:Thank you, guys, so much for hanging out with us.
Speaker 1:I think with laughter. This is good Love. Yes, we have to. We're doing a good job.
Speaker 2:There is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter what you are going through. If you both are willing, there is a light. If you feel like you're stale, if you feel like it was a mistake or you're going nowhere I mean, everyone's story is different but if you both are willing to try, there is light.
Speaker 1:You know what that reminds me of?
Speaker 2:Dang, I was getting so deep and you just cut a bit off.
Speaker 1:But I got a visual because I'm such a visual person. There's this documentary that we watched and it's called the Children and the oh, Chacha Chala. Chacha Chala the Chacha. Children of Chacha Chala. Oh, my goodness, that documentary it's. It's a bit, it can be dark, it's dark, but it's so good Anyway it's not murder dark.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no. No, it's not murder, dark, but it's like a crime story type of thing. Yeah, anyways, there is a point in the story and the dramatization was so realistic, yeah when the kids are trying to get out and trying to get out, and he's about to give up, and he's about to get up and then all of a sudden, that's I started crying. Yeah, they see this light and it reminds me of our marriage. Yeah it was just like we were fighting, and there are times I did not see to give nowhere I even saw light to give context, they were buried.
Speaker 2:These people were buried underground kids.
Speaker 1:Children were buried underground.
Speaker 2:A trailer that was buried underground, yeah, and we're not going to give too much weight, but they were buried underground in a trailer and I started a lot away. Yeah, and they just started. We're not going to say what happened, but they just started digging and digging and, like you said, yeah, digging from the bottom up, yeah, and just when they're about to give up and the guy with the kid was exhausted, exhausted.
Speaker 2:They saw that tiny bit of light and it's amazing how light can give you so much hope. I know, and he pushed and pushed and I'm not going to tell you what happened, but how it chilled.
Speaker 1:And it just reminded, it just gave me that visual right now of our marriage. It's just, there was just so much. It was not easy, it was the hardest thing till this day after everything losing cars, losing houses, losing people in our lives, losing that still those two years, two and a half years. I don't know why we say two years, I really don't know how long it was, but fighting for our marriage was so difficult and then. But who knew this was on the other side.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was a rough, rough two years.
Speaker 1:If you have any questions for us, please feel free to email us. What's our email?
Speaker 2:We mixyourmarriagecom. You can also leave us a five star review or whatever review you think is worthy.
Speaker 1:No, if it's not five stars, I knew that was coming. If it's not five star, we don't want it.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:Fun. I think if it's not five star, then we're not your cup of tea, then you could just we're not doing our job. I would never leave somebody a one star to that. Who does that Like I wouldn't? Oh, there's people. Well, I wouldn't do that, okay, um, so please don't do that. Also, follow us on Instagram. We do a lot, we try to do a lot more on our Instagram and share Instagram. We uh, february 14th, valentine's Day we want to kick off a fun If you're into challenges and games.
Speaker 2:A little couples challenge.
Speaker 1:Fun. We've had great like reviews from it. When we did it years and years ago Just brought couples closer.
Speaker 2:Remix your marriage pod is our handle on Instagram yes, remix your marriage pod. Yes, please follow us, that's all. All right, love you guys. Thanks for hanging out with us. Remix your marriage. Love hard, be real. I can't Communicate Proud of you. I'm proud of you. You know what. I'm very proud of you for taking us and listening to those.
Speaker 1:You make me cry, crying all.
Speaker 2:I know you made it, but I am very proud of you for this too. Of course, you keep telling me, but you're the one that had to really walk through this again, so I love you for that.
Speaker 1:We're talking about two different people.
Speaker 2:That's true. Yeah, that's very true.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:They don't want to listen to our conversation.
Speaker 1:Remember that when I have to talk about my stuff.
Speaker 2:I think I'm just going to leave the room.
Speaker 1:All right, love you guys.
Speaker 2:Bye, bye, bye and just like that, episode 5. We did it, peace it's all bad, what is it?
Speaker 1:No, bye, bye.