Remix your Marriage Podcast

EP6 - The death of a marriage (part 2): As Vanessa deals with the pain of infidelity and her own insecurities, she begins to seek validation from other men

• Lyndan and Vanessa Coleman

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In this episode Vanessa shares her feelings of being lost and feeling like she had nothing. Feeling like she was just a mom and Lyndan's wife. As she is trying to heal she begins to seek validation from other men. This only causes things to get worse in our marriage. 
As she spends time with her mentor learning to forgive and grow, she has one foot in a dangerous place allowing flirty conversations with men to happen at her job. 
Listen and learn how we were able to keep growing, and forgiving as we worked on mending our marriage.

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Speaker 1:

Hello and thank you for joining us for the death of a marriage, part two.

Speaker 2:

It's funny how you said that with a smile. And it's death of a marriage, part two.

Speaker 1:

And it's funny how you laughed. I know I'm Lyndon, I'm Vanessa and we are your hosts of Remix your Marriage, and we are excited to continue. Are we excited? We're excited for the potential to help other couples.

Speaker 2:

I shouldn't say that I'm sounding negative right now. You know what I was all for Lyndon talking about what he did, yeah, and everything, all of his failures and mistakes, because you know that that's easy. But now, today we're talking a little bit more about you Gonna touch on you a little bit.

Speaker 1:

So where we left off was we had started. We had decided to start counseling with our pastor, with Pastor Gary, after my mess that I had been hiding and praying to, god have had finally come to the surface Not the way that I wanted it to, but the way that it was meant to be and we decided to start counseling.

Speaker 2:

We got off social media completely.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Totally got off of social media. Do you know what's so funny? How long ago this was my space.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, wow.

Speaker 2:

You know what I remember? It's so weird how we'll put out our emotions on social media and not think about it, Like some people may look at that and go, oh, they're just trying to get attention. I almost think it's a way of reaching out and just I don't know, talking to people, because if you for those of you who remember my space every day you could put an emotion yeah, I thought I was like a coder too, because you could create your own wall and yes, your own background yes.

Speaker 2:

And I remember putting that I was depressed. That's why I remember there's my space. I remember like the couple of friends who knew were like reaching out through me, through my space.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

We were going to step back from serving at our church just so we could focus on each other. He also said he was going to give us a couple who was in the church. We knew, but we didn't know they had gone through this.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, the thing about this couple what to us seem like they had the perfect marriage, the perfect family, the perfect house, perfect house. And it's amazing how we see people from the outside and how social media it's only our highlight reel. It's not the reality of what's going on in your life. And when our pastor told us we have this couple, if you would have said name every couple in the church, they would have been the last couple. I would have expected that had gone through anything.

Speaker 2:

Had no idea.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yes and the wife ended up. We agreed on speaking every Friday. I remember it was 10 am every single Friday and in the beginning I didn't want to talk to her. I'm going to tell it be of course, I'm only going to be honest, but I had no desire to pray. I had no desire to talk to anybody. I had so many messages on my machine, vanessa, I'm here for you, vanessa. One of my favorite messages was I know you probably don't feel like praying, but I'm praying for you. I'm praying on your behalf. I thought that was so sweet. That's what friends do.

Speaker 2:

I was angry at God, even though it wasn't his fault. It was your choice. But I was just angry and I was going through all these emotions and this is not going to be popular to people and I'm going to be honest, I don't really care because it's our story. I think I've taken too much time caring what people think, caring I'm going to offend people, but this truly is how I was able to build this marriage.

Speaker 2:

To get counseling, to have a mentor was because of my kids. I looked at them. I remember looking at them and they were a lot littler at the time. They were all sitting on the couch together and they had no idea what was going on. They were just like laughing and I'm like how can I not try for them? They don't deserve this. They don't deserve their home being wrecked and everybody's story is completely different. Some people have to get out of their marriage to save their kids and I get that because I lived in a house that you guys already know if you've listened to the episodes. But I'm going to be honest I wish my parents maybe would have separated because there would have been more peace. But for me and you, if we were to follow what we were supposed to do, that was not yelling or fighting in front of them, arguing was okay.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Obviously not taking it out on them and then just doing the best we can to rebuild, but also give them a happy home. You know, make a, give them their regular routines every single day. Do the best we can for them. Maybe they were my why.

Speaker 1:

Maybe this will give you a little piece that we did hear from someone. If you are not offending someone, then you're not being completely honest right. Because your truth truth is going to be something that somebody disagrees with, no matter what.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's true. So this is everybody's. You know, been through it differently and not all families are the same, not all church. Also, you do have spouses that have had affairs and when they get therapy, only one spouse is doing all the work and the other spouse isn't doing anything. It's not going to work that way. Even though it was Lyndon's mistake, it was what Lyndon had done. That doesn't mean I sit and I wait for Lyndon to do all the work and I don't do anything. You know I had work to do on myself as well and so, yes, our kids were our. Why I? Just because he wasn't. I had a hard time even looking at him. I had a hard time. He did everything he could to make me happy.

Speaker 2:

Obviously he was like washing the dishes, like doing things around the house and like I all like to think all I could think of was but you cheated on me, but you cheated on me, so of course, I was getting to know God really well during that time.

Speaker 1:

I was praying like crazy.

Speaker 2:

I had never seen you like that.

Speaker 2:

Keen on my knees, because I was praying so much, because I just wanted you to feel better, I wanted it to be better, I wanted us to be better, I wanted the time to hurry up and pass so we could be better, because everybody kept saying time or accounts, and I think one of the things, too, is that I was so desperate not to be in pain anymore that it was like, if my pastor said to do this, if my mentor was like do that, I'm like okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I think we'll get into like the intimacy part of it. Maybe that's another episode, because that's a whole other episode. Yeah, my mentor helped so much because she was the only one I knew that had truly been through what I had been through.

Speaker 1:

You know what? Can we just call her Kelly, so you don't have to keep saying my mentor.

Speaker 2:

I don't want the name Kelly, because we know people named Kelly.

Speaker 1:

Okay, how about Jumanji? I mean, just give her a name, just give her a name.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so we'll use names. We'll call her Martha and her husband Mel.

Speaker 1:

Martha and Mel.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, okay, there we go. She was an older woman and I think that helped a lot too. She had a lot of wisdom behind her. Every Friday we spoke. I mean, in the very beginning it was so hard I think I could barely say two words and one of the. I mean, she gave me so much good advice, but one of the things she told me was the best thing I could do is to lean on Jesus and to pray, even when I don't feel like praying, and she goes the times you feel alone, instead of reaching out to linen.

Speaker 2:

Because this was my issue, my biggest problem, when I moved out of the house. I moved out with linen. I didn't work. The only thing I did was teach in this class, but that wasn't enough to support us. Obviously, I depended on linen for everything, for everything, for money, for I mean protection, for just life. He was everything.

Speaker 2:

So I felt like it was almost like somebody picked me up and dropped me off of a cliff. I just didn't know who I was. I just didn't. I didn't know who I was anymore. If I wasn't Linden's wife, then who was I? And I know that may sound sad to some people, but that's who I was at the time.

Speaker 2:

So I think one of the good things that came out of it is I needed to get my act together. I needed to get my life together. I needed to know that my husband does not complete me, that I needed to find who I was again, and she helped me so much with that weekly, and that was, if there's any, if there's more advice I can give you, find someone who has been through what you have been through. Find that person. Find that friend that you can talk to, because I don't know where I'd be without her. And one of the things she told me was I told her I go, I feel like I'm not even myself, like I'm not a big, I'm not a potty mouse, because when I was in high school I used to cuss. So bad right, hun, you'd get like actually irritated with you yes.

Speaker 2:

And then you know, things change and I just I didn't speak that way. All of a sudden I am saying like of this, us, this and all those things are changing about me. And she gave me this pamphlet on grieving and it was literally like when you're grieving the loss of someone, and every single step I had gone through and it is, it was just like death.

Speaker 1:

And what do you mean? Every single step.

Speaker 2:

So the first step was anger, and one of the things under the anchor was you're going to start cussing, you're going to start acting like someone. You're not. You're going to want to fight, you're going to all these things. That's what I was going through, right, so weird. The next and then the next one was, uh like denial, or is it yeah?

Speaker 2:

there was a no, no, no, no Was there. I can't remember, but I just remember that was one of the ones. And then mourning, of course, and so I'd gone through all the steps. The most important thing was to not brush it under the rug, not pretend when I felt something, to feel it. So another thing she had told me to do that I still do till this day I told her I feel like I cannot stop crying. So Martha had given me another great piece of advice. I'm going to keep saying that. I'm just going to tell you.

Speaker 2:

She gave me hundreds of pieces of advice. I told her that I I couldn't get through the day without crying, like it was making me crazy. I just felt weak. I felt like how does a per one person have so many tears? I and still life is going on. I had to take, you know, my girls to dance. I had to pick my son up from basketball. It's like things were still life is still life, and I am crying while I'm doing all this stuff.

Speaker 2:

And she said that's I'm mourning, I'm, I'm going to be crying, and then that's okay. But to give myself and this is also an unpopular thought, because I've heard this on TikTok and Instagram, but it worked for me. She said give your time, self time, throughout the day. Give yourself from, let's say, nine to nine, 15. I am going to cry, I'm going to scream into my pillow, I'm going to do it, obviously, you know, do it on your own in your room and tell yourself, okay, nine, 15, I'm done. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to do that, let me. I just want you to know, you guys, I was desperate. I just want to feel better. I will do whatever anybody tells me right now.

Speaker 2:

So I started to do that and it was weird because I'd actually passed the time and I'd still be crying, because the time it would go off and I'm still crying, I can hold it. But it was very interesting the fact that I allowed myself permission to cry. I gave myself the nine o'clock to nine 15, the eight o'clock to eight 15 during the day, or whatever. And I knew it was that time. I'm like, okay, at eight o'clock, I get to cry, at eight o'clock, I get to cry. And then there was a time where I'm like, oh, I'm okay, I don't need to cry, okay.

Speaker 1:

It's nine o'clock.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's nine o'clock and I'm actually okay, I don't need to, but I'm going to give myself permission if I feel like it. You know, and that was really, really helpful.

Speaker 1:

In the meantime, I'm still going to work. There was a couple of people that I worked with at the time that knew it was going on, so they were extra patient with me and let me walk out to check on you and make calls because, like you said, life goes on and when you're guilty of something you know, you start to feel like everybody knows.

Speaker 1:

You know, I knew only two people my work knew, but I felt like every single person was giving me dirty looks and how could you? And you just scum and I just felt horrible all the time and I was in sales at the time. So sales is a transfer from motion. So my sales dropped to nothing.

Speaker 2:

And also not everyone knows. So the mistake I did mistake number 5452, that I did during this time is I told too many people because I assumed that everyone knew. I assumed that because I was sad all the time because I wish I didn't do that. I lost acquaintances, people I thought that were friends, because a lot of people, believe it or not, I felt that people were more forgiving towards you than they were for me for staying with you and I was judged a lot and for me I'm like, hey, it's a lot harder to stay in this marriage than it is to leave. You know, I know there's two difficult choices to make, but I'm not making the easy choice. This is really difficult and I learned a lot about friendship and I also thought you get to the point of acceptance where you're like, okay, this happened, it's no big deal, it happens to everyone, I'm fine, I'm fine. And then I felt like I could just tell people I'm like, yeah, it's no big deal, because I thought that if I said that that I'd heal faster, I just wanted me and you both wanted to heal faster, and it doesn't happen that way.

Speaker 2:

Unfortunately, when I had realized, you know, I had put everything into linen as far as I put too much weight on him, Not one. Your spouse shouldn't. First of all, like I said, your spouse shouldn't complete you, but they shouldn't have the responsibility of making you happy and and doing all the things that you want your spouse to do. For that was me at the time. So I'm like, okay, I need to build my own life as well. You know, I decided since I was already in the fitness industry one I go and become certified to be a personal trainer, got a job at the gym and finally I was doing something that was my own, that was my own thing, and lost weight, gotten really good shape, became then online fitness trainer. We started our own boot camp. You know just, I started to build and this is, let me tell you, these are years of healing.

Speaker 2:

It takes a long time. I'm going to say the first two years we always say two years was hell. It was tough. It was doing the work, it was going on the date nights even though we didn't feel like it, and then we had our moments where we were happy again, and then you, I'd get those triggers where my stomach would just get sick at the thought, and it was just a constant. It was work. So in the process I'm thinking, okay, we're healing. I'm feeling I feel like I can do this, I'm starting to feel happy in this marriage again. And then there were things in my life that I didn't deal with. And because I had lost weight and gotten better shape, I was getting attention from men, lots of flirting from men going on. I started to enjoy that and not realize how much I liked that.

Speaker 1:

How, how much time had passed when this was happening.

Speaker 2:

Okay, about a year, lin-yin is doing everything he can. I think one of the the greatest things you did was you really worked on yourself.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So during that time of you being a trainer and getting this attention, I knew it was happening, I knew you were getting the attention and I felt like I was in no place to say anything ever to you. So I let a lot of things go that I shouldn't have let go. Right after what happened. When we started our counseling with Pastor Gary, first thing he told me was there's I need to read, there's a couple books I need to read, outside of the Bible, of course, and the very first book I read was If Only he Knew, and I'm going to say that again.

Speaker 2:

Game changer If only our marriage.

Speaker 1:

If only he knew. By Gary Smalley Great book it is. It talks a lot about women's intuition and how it's scientifically proven that it's real and all the things that I thought my wife was crazy about are in this book and basically debunking all the craziness that I thought she was Let me tell you what was really confusing.

Speaker 2:

I am so angry with him, I am so hurt by the hymn, but at the same time I'm watching him pray, I'm watching him read. Lin-yin doesn't read. That sounds really bad, but it's a joke. You don't. You're not a big reader. I remember knocking on the bathroom because you were in the bathroom for so long you had like the music on and and I remember knocking on the door and his eyes are bright, red and he's like you're sweating. I'm like what is going on here?

Speaker 1:

Boy, that sounds bad.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

The shower's on. There's slow music. It's lame. I didn't say there was no and you're sweating.

Speaker 2:

You were. What were you doing? You were, oh, you were praying. You said more, but it was just. I could see that you were, you were working on yourself. You weren't. You weren't doing things to just make me happy. Let me just you know, you weren't going through the motions, you were literally, you were doing the work, you were meeting with the pastor, and so I believe I took advantage of that and there are so many women out there that are probably like, well, you should have, well, you could do this, but then that slows down the process of us rebuilding this marriage and that reminds me we were going up this road and every time I talk, I have said the story so many times to so many people and I still get emotional when I think about it. And we, our city, had dealt with like a huge fire at the time. It was one of like the biggest fires. I think Santa Cree did.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it was coming from both sides of Santa Cree yeah.

Speaker 2:

And after the fire was gone we went to go see that road because I, like, grew up, we grew up walking that street, a street called Camp Plenty.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I remember looking at those houses and they were to the ground.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

You couldn't even see the foundation. Sometimes you could see the foundation of a group. You couldn't even see it, and I knew at that moment that God spoke to me and said that is your marriage, but I will rebuild it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I remember looking at that and going that's exactly how it feels it feels like it's it felt unrepairable because the worst had been time.

Speaker 2:

And I don't I'm gonna be honest, I don't think I believed God at that moment. I knew I had to do the work and I may have done the work, but my heart wasn't completely into it. When I look back, I think I had a lot of anger still and I'm like, well, he did this, so what I'm doing is nothing. And that was smiling when men would say something to me. That was maybe having having a crush and thinking, oh well, that's a crush, that crush is okay.

Speaker 2:

And do you know why I started thinking that? Because I started surrounding myself with the wrong people, with, you know, women that believed it was okay to have work husbands, gym husbands and people that are like it's not a big deal to have a crush, it's okay to do this, it's okay to do that, and actually that's very dangerous. And although I never acted on anything, I never went there and I'm not saying that it couldn't have somehow eventually, if I didn't come to you or if you didn't notice things that were happening to me, and when it did, he started noticing and I had to confess things to him that the way that I was acting, the things that I was doing and it was heartbreaking to him because women were more emotional, you know, and so that, so that in that hurt him. But I think there was a part of me that was maybe I wanted to, maybe I wanted to hurt him somehow.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, rewinding a little bit. So you got the job as a trainer. You had lost a lot of weight unhealthy. You lost a lot of weight On top of that. You were dressing different, so you were wearing more form, fitting clothes, things like that.

Speaker 2:

Prior to that, you did not love the way that was like a fight, an argument.

Speaker 1:

It was it was.

Speaker 2:

I always wanted me to tie a sweatshirt around my waist. You always wanted me to like cover myself at the gym, Because I took advantage and I was like we cannot say one thing.

Speaker 1:

As a result of that, of all of that, and then, of course, you being more flirtatious and things like that, you're getting all this extra attention. In the meantime, like you said, I'm working on myself, I'm trying to do better, I'm trying to be better, and it's funny how you had Martha in your life while you're at church or when you went out to lunch, but you were surrounding yourself by people who are bad influences on your decision making and looking at them and thinking you know what, well, I'm not doing as bad as they are. And that's the exact situation that I was in when I was in the car business and making my bad decisions. I was thinking, well, I'm not going to do anything with this and I'm not doing as much as they are.

Speaker 1:

I gave you this analogy when we were on our walk yesterday. So I said have you ever decided to stick your toe in the pool? And you're like the pool is freezing, but I'm just going to stick my feet in, and then your feet kind of get used to it. So you go in a little more and you're now you're at your waist and you're freezing, but then your waist gets used to it. So then, before you know it, you're completely emerged in the pool because you took baby steps and that's exactly what happens. So you were on a path to possibly destruction, making bad decisions, and because of the people that we were around in our church, we were able to put a hold to that and kind of snuck you out of it.

Speaker 2:

I think that that's like the time in our life where we had our church friends and our regular friends.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

We think that's funny, because there's no such thing as that, by the way.

Speaker 1:

Friends could be friends.

Speaker 2:

Friends are friends. You should be the same with all of your friends. Yes, and I was like, okay, I'll play this part at church and I'll play this part at the gym. And you know, being a trainer too, being an instructor, you're looked up at. You know, people look at you. As you know, they look up to you kind of like I'm not bragging, but it's the truth you sometimes feel like a little bit of a celebrity and I owned, you know, my own boot camp.

Speaker 1:

It's a flex.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I felt like you know, the year prior. I felt like nothing, I felt worthless. I felt like I'm just this mom and wife and not that there's that sounds so bad. But I didn't feel like a whole person, I didn't feel like a mean yeah, and then all of a sudden I am looked up at and all these things are happening to me.

Speaker 1:

You really felt seen.

Speaker 2:

I felt seen, but that also was not healthy. That's not a healthy way to feel seen. And then we went through that and we came to you know, we came to our pastor about that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, let's not, let's not just skip over. We went through that.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Okay, we really started arguing again about it and you were in denial for a while about this whole thing, and I remember a specific pair of shorts of yours that I hated so much they used to wear that I finally had to just throw them away without telling you. Did you know that?

Speaker 2:

No, oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

I just had to throw them away. They were just, they were too much.

Speaker 2:

I don't even wear shorts.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, you wore these and you look really good in shorts.

Speaker 2:

The reason why, yeah, why shorts were they?

Speaker 1:

Oh, I'll tell you off air. You don't want to know Anyhow. He's nervous, laughing right now yeah, and your face is like angry.

Speaker 2:

No, it's not that.

Speaker 1:

It's an angry smile.

Speaker 2:

It's OK.

Speaker 1:

But I remember our car conversations where we would pull up in our driveway and we would argue for 10, 15 minutes and then go into the house where the kids were. So that whole part of that two years of healing had a lot of ups and downs. It wasn't like I did what I did, you did what you did, we got together and everything's good.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I learned how to communicate with you as far as your appearance and things like that, without being controlling, because prior to all this, yes, I was very controlling. I didn't want you showing anything with your form fitting leggings or anything like that so I had to compromise my feelings on how you were dressing and things like that. And then you made some compromises on how you interact with men.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and you're right, I was absolutely in denial and I think that one of the biggest lessons learned in all looking back, because during I didn't see it is defensiveness. I was defensive about everything. Well, first of all, because it was the truth, and the truth is hard to look at. It's hard to look at myself and the way that I was acting. And, yeah, we could sit here and say all day well, you were justified and you were hurting, but if you're trying to fix it.

Speaker 2:

If I'm trying to better my marriage and I'm trying to better myself, then all I'm doing is causing more harm than good and also I'm deciding to stay in the marriage. So if I'm deciding to stay in the marriage, then I need to do my part and work on. Yes, the working on myself was important, the working on. There was nothing wrong with me getting certified and working at the gym and building a boot camp, but the attention that I was trying to seek, that was trying to fill like. It was almost like I was trying to tell myself look at, look what I can get, look what I can do. He did this, but I can get. You know, I don't know what the word is for that, but Retaliation.

Speaker 2:

No, no, but it was so inner, it was within myself. It wasn't even about you, it wasn't even about making you. It's like I had to prove to myself.

Speaker 1:

That you still.

Speaker 2:

That I still had it that I still and I'm going to take this back to just having daddy issues. I mean, this goes back. I learned a lot about myself and and here's some more transparency I still battled with it about getting a position again of power and and finding myself wanting that attention, finding myself thinking, oh, I kind of have this question, that's okay, and I'm going to just see what happens here if I do this and do that. And I'm thinking to myself, man, am I ever going to get through this? Am I ever going to just accept myself it is? Am I ever just going to get to a point where accepting myself for exactly who I am and loving myself for who I am is enough? Like, when is this going to stop? And I truly learned so much about we said yellow flags, not red flags. Yeah, cause yellow flags. What were you calling them? Like you need a slow down.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you got to slow down.

Speaker 2:

Cause we all have our things. We all are human.

Speaker 1:

There's we all have insecurities.

Speaker 2:

I'll have insecurities. We all have temptations, we all. It's recognizing it and I act different. Now I do that. I don't need attention from anyone to fill complete and whole, because I know not only who I am, but I I'm reminded by what, who God says I am, and that is something that took years and years, I'm telling you, for about four years ago, five years ago is where I finally got to a point and I just love myself, no matter 30 pounds overweight, and who I am. I also know that I am Linden's wife and I am Linden and Bella and so Fiend's mom, and I'm proud of that.

Speaker 2:

But I also am a woman who has gone through so much as a child and I'm still in that same body. I'm in the same body I was when my dad died, when, you know, I watched my mom go through the worst pain of her life, and I'm still in the same body of of a woman that you know who's has been cheated on her. But I've made it through that and because I fought through that and I and when I say fought, I mean I dug deep my fighting was praying, my fighting was reading my Bible, my fighting was surrounding myself with the right friends, and my fighting was also loving my husband unconditionally, and I truly, truly love you. I truly do. And I look at you now and I'm just like I have. I'm so grateful that I'm still with you, because you are absolutely my best friend and I feel that I love you more. Once I learned how to love myself, you know, that's when I really was able to fully love you was when I loved myself, you know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you're not gonna get me, I'm not gonna. So, in saying all that, I guess the biggest lesson to get out of this part of our lives is to make sure that we always communicate with each other, to make sure that we surround ourselves with good people. We surround ourselves with people who are where we want to be, people who are where we want to go or people who are striving to be better. We pray together, we go to church together and we date like crazy.

Speaker 2:

We also gave each other. Sorry, we also gave each other. Should we call them yellow flags? I told Lyndon I go if you do not see me reading my Bible in the morning, praying. If you do not see me doing that, then I'm running from something I've given him that like that's what you have to know about me. It's like I mean my quiet, whether for you know for other people, maybe your meditation and maybe why are you laughing? Why are you laughing?

Speaker 1:

And sex. Okay, I knew I had to finish this. No, that is, that is really important.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and we will talk about that. I mean, all I'm thinking of all of these different things like that could be a podcast, like because, also, this isn't. It wasn't fair to you, too, to like you're working so hard on fixing yourself. You know, a lot of things that I did were unfair. If I could take anything back, it would be going back and communicating more, talking more with them. Yes, yeah, being more open. A lot of times we think we're protecting our kids. We're actually. We're actually making it worse, because it's like because they know something's wrong and their imagination.

Speaker 1:

A lot of times it's much worse than what's really happening.

Speaker 2:

Our son felt that it was his fault.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And we'll, yeah, we'll go, that'll be another podcast, but I really wanted to get to that point.

Speaker 1:

I do have a before we wrap up and we are wrapping up here shortly I do have a word for somebody, and that is it's been on your mind for a while now and it's something that you need to talk about. You're worried about the outcome of what's going to happen, but take that step and talk to them about it and that's that's it. That's for you.

Speaker 2:

Are you talking to somebody else, isn't it?

Speaker 1:

I just felt it. So take a chance and talk to them about it. I promise you they need to hear it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it gets so ugly before it gets better. Yeah, that's not very inspirational.

Speaker 1:

It's just like me in the morning. I get so ugly in the morning but by noon I am gorgeous For ugly All right.

Speaker 2:

Wrap it up the date night at the gym, the date day going to the gym. That does it for me. That's all I'm saying. We need to have more gym dates. Linden gets all quiet and focused on like the workout and he kind of just points and tells me what weight to do. I'm like I kind of like this, linden Stop but keep going.

Speaker 1:

All right, we'll continue this when I call cut. Thank you guys for hanging in with us.

Speaker 2:

Can you guys do us a favor, Share, share, share Our friend Shannon hold, she's like the third. The motor are.

Speaker 1:

She's our Don King.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, she's our amazing friend. We don't King it. Shannon King. Shannon King, we love you, shannon. We're giving you a shout out because we just need we need to get this podcast out there. We know our story is important and we know we can help many marriages out there, so share it. Share it Instagram. We'd love for you guys to follow us on Instagram Instagram handle. We do have some questions. I think that'll be a separate podcast. It'll be like a Q and A. We'll answer the questions on Instagram at remix your marriage pod.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and I said I said I said the email wrong last time is remixedyourmarriageatgmailcom, not justcom. All right, yeah, did you say that? I just said remixyourmarriagecom and nobody corrected me. It's okay, are you guys? Thank you so much.

Speaker 2:

Share. We love you guys.

Speaker 1:

Love hard, oh God, you're that. Remix your marriage. Great job, I got something for you. When I call cut Love, you guys, you're a fool. Peace, oh 90s, peace, peace.