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Remix your Marriage Podcast
Sharing our dysfunctional story of relationship, young parenthood and a broken marriage that all started in 1989, to a new incredible marriage. In hopes to help other couples not make the same mistakes.
We will have open and honest conversations about our ups and downs, our bad decisions and how we learned to get through all the Messiness! Marriage is tough but it is also amazing if you do it right!
Hang in there and give us a chance to Remix Your Marriage!
Remix your Marriage Podcast
EP7 - Joy and Pain: The steps we took to move forward. It was messy, we fought, loved, hated and learned how to reconnect
We really did not like each other a lot during this process. I (Lyndan) had no right to be angry or mean which made me just want to give up. I am not the victim and I was struggling not to be the coward and run away!
Vanessa struggled with feeling bad for me cause she knew I was sorry but also not liking me for betraying her trust. At times she wanted me by her side, laying next to her and other times she couldn't even look at me and questioned if staying together was worth it.
In this episode we touch on 5 of the steps we took to rebuild this marriage into something we didnt think possible. Like the houses we mentioned in the last episode that were burned to the ground and 3 months later were rebuilt bigger, stronger and more beautiful. God showed us our marriage. Burned to the ground so he could rebuild it from scratch to this beautiful union!!
Thank you so much for listening and if these episodes have been helpful please take the time and give us a 5 star review!! We need your help to keep going!
And to Remix Your Marriage!!
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Remixyourmarriage@gmail.com
Okay, I'm gonna put my headphones back on, so you can't hear me chewing, I'm not gonna.
Speaker 1:It's because you're trying to be, I can't.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna chew the gum.
Speaker 1:Take it out right now.
Speaker 2:Hey, you don't owe me food. Thank you, chicle is out. All right, you ready? Yeah, you ready to do this? Mm-hmm, all right, let's do this. I'm irritated. I know I can work with that. Welcome to you, mixed your Marriage. I am your host, lyndon.
Speaker 1:I am Vanessa and apparently to Lyndon, I don't have inflection on my voice. So he just gave me. Is that what you said? Is that what it's called Inflection's a wrong word? It is, it is. You said that when I talk in person, I talk very animated. Yes, I get it.
Speaker 1:You don't have to talk You're a fool. And then on the podcast I start to talk. Yeah, I think, because what we're talking about is like serious, I'm sorry, I'm going to try. I'm not saying sorry. This year is not the word of sorry for Vanessa. Sorry is out Inflection.
Speaker 2:So what happened was this was great, so I do the editing when we're done with this. And you started off very crystal clear on episode six, very crystal clear, and then throughout the episode you kind of like faded away, all right, and then if you listen, all of a sudden you will hear bam, your voice gets really loud again. So I realized what happened. Was we need better mics? No, but, thank you, there's that insult. I've been waiting for what was that it's an insult.
Speaker 1:You bought the mics, yes because I picked the mics. That's not an insult towards you, but no.
Speaker 2:So what happened was, during that episode six, I started yawning and in the middle of my Wait, wait, he was yawning. In the middle of my yawning I said oh crap, I'm yawning and she's looking right at me, but it was too late, I was already yawning. So when I was done yawning you Because how rude is it?
Speaker 1:I'm talking, I'm pouring out my feelings about the worst time in my life and I look over and Lyndon is yawning. It is yawning. So I said I'm sorry, am I boring you? And then we had to edit that part. I think you should have kept it in. I mean, listener, and I can't stand when things are all cliches and then all Too perfect, perfect. I don't like that. I feel like you can't get to know who the person is.
Speaker 2:We are not that.
Speaker 1:No, we are not that.
Speaker 2:So I realized that if I just make you a little bit mad at me with each episode, you will speak loudly and clearly. Okay, I was watching the news this morning and a stat that came up on the news it's called gray divorce. Have you ever heard of gray divorce? So apparently people that are over the age married couples that are 55 and 65 are divorcing more and more now. So this is researchers at Bowling Green State University. The divorce rate for 55 year olds from 1990 to now has doubled and for 65 year olds from 1990 to now have tripled.
Speaker 2:The reasons are emptiness syndrome, finance disagreements and desire for happier life. So this is what's crazy to me the emptiness syndrome and the desire for happier life. I feel like that goes together, because a lot of times when you're child-centered and you only focus on your children and you put your spouse second or third or fourth, when the children are gone, you're kind of living with a stranger because you haven't really invested in that person. So as a result of that, you're not happy. Your children are gone, they've moved and you're kind of like who is this stranger? I'm not happy. So you add finances to that, because you get old and now you're on retirement, so you're not making a lot of money. So that is a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it really breaks my heart. It's really so sad. And I read something and you guys probably have heard of it and it's so old and it's so outdated there's some, but I learned a lot of great things from it. It's called Baby Wise. One of the things I learned from that book that kind of blew my mind is that your newborn, when you bring your newborn home, they are not the center of your family, they are part of your family and that newborn needs to also adjust to. We had two little ones that were both in sports and that one needs and the newborn needs to start adjusting to your life. So they're a part of the life. They're not centered. And that was the first time I'd ever heard because, in my mind, if you have listened to the podcast before, my children were the world. I was centered completely around them and yeah, that's very dangerous to do because they will leave soon. Some day ours will leave.
Speaker 2:Yeah, at some point.
Speaker 1:But at some point and it is it's just me and you and I feel it too when they're gone, like, if you know they're, all three of them happen to be gone and I'm like, wow, this is what it's going to really feel like. You know what? I would just like to add we live in California, so I'd like to give our kids a break. They're trying to save, they're trying to do it as expensive. It is a different world we live in right now.
Speaker 1:Like we had said before, if this is your first time listening to the podcast, please do us a favor and listen to our back stories. Our podcast only like 30, 40 minutes, right? Yeah, listen to our back stories. Listen to episode five. We always talk about that. That's. The episode five is the reason that we wanted to start a podcast. So we've gotten some messages from people, which is like warming my heart. I'm so sad that you're going through this, but also I'm so happy that we can help you, yeah, so today, what we are going to talk about, I think, is probably my favorite part. That sounds weird for the trauma and everything that we went through, but it is, but it is. We are going to talk about the steps that we took to eventually rebuild our marriage, and I realized that on the last podcast.
Speaker 2:I was going to ask you, I know.
Speaker 1:I know that's why people have producers like people who do real podcasts. I mean, this is a real podcast, Dang.
Speaker 2:And I'm not a real producer apparently.
Speaker 1:No, because we do that a lot. We'll start a story and we don't end it, and if we do that, feel free to like call us out on that, yeah.
Speaker 1:Just yell it Anyways, and it's a very important time in my life and I'll never, ever forget it. So I had said in the last podcast, these houses were burned to the ground. I didn't even see a foundation on them and at that moment I felt and maybe some of you know, you can relate with me when I feel I can hear God speaking to me and into my heart. It's not like I audibly hear it, but I can feel, I just feel him and I felt he said that is your marriage right now, but I'm going to rebuild it. And I knew I don't.
Speaker 1:It was this peace. It was this overwhelming peace. After weeks or a month I don't know the timeline of not feeling anything, at that moment I felt just this peace and I felt hope. Looking at burned down houses, I felt hope and after you know it was I don't know we're really in fever timeline, but it doesn't really matter when we had finally rebuilt our marriage took years. I remember going up that same street and looking at these houses that were absolutely beautiful. They were more beautiful than before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they were bigger than before.
Speaker 1:I lost it. I'm just crying and I felt that moment. God's like, see, I told you, because I'm looking at those houses and I'm looking at what our marriage is now or then and thinking he's so faithful and that is so true. And so today, like we want to go over just the steps that we took, and this can go for anybody who's been through trauma. I know we had a couple of people ask us about emotional affairs and we'll do a podcast on emotional affairs because those are different. But still you still lose the trust. Still very dangerous, still very painful, still, you know, so awful, and so you can use this for that as well.
Speaker 1:But number one is trust the process. Right, I had to oh and, by the way, maybe I should clarify this is what? Because for Lyndon and I, I think it was different. I needed to get through this, my husband being unfaithful, losing all of my trust in him and not being the man I thought he was, like all of these emotions. So this is for you know, wives, wives who've been through this. And so for me, number one was trust the process.
Speaker 1:We knew that our pastor wanted to see us once a week and I knew I had to meet with a mentor every Friday, and there were many, many, many weeks, I mean probably almost every week. I did not want to go because it's just like you start to, it's weird what your body and mind do, right, you start to like live this life, you know, and you're like, okay, I'm just gonna go through my life and everything's good. And then the day comes where you have to, we have to meet with him, and I'm like I don't want to talk. Who wants to talk about pain, you know? So I think that was hard for me because it didn't feel like it was working.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think, on my side, trusting the process meant being patient with you and, as selfish as that sounds because I'm the one that did the thing I just got to a point where I had to ask myself, like, is this really worth me getting beat up every day and talk to a certain way? And even though I deserve it, I still don't want it. And I had to tell myself I have to get through this process to get to the other side. I have to trust that she's gonna get past this and we're gonna rebuild. But there were so many times that I just wanted to leave, just wanted to take that coward role, that coward role, and dip out.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute, though. When you say how long am I gonna take this, I wanna tell you what I remember, and I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I remember that our pastor said okay, vanessa, I think he said a week. He gave me a timeline like week or two weeks. You can ask him any questions you want. You can get mad, you can scream, cry, whatever.
Speaker 1:The one decision that we did mutually make together was that we would not scream and yell each other in front of the kids.
Speaker 1:That was one thing we would not do and or I wouldn't do, cause you were just taking it.
Speaker 1:And he said you ask all the questions and that your job was you had to answer them, and it is very it's so odd that when your spouse has an affair, the kind of questions you ask and I look back at it and I'm not gonna lie, some of the things I wish I didn't know, because they're forever imprinted in my head. So I think that the reason that he said you need to answer him because it's rebuilding trust but I'm here to tell wives or husbands be careful with the questions you ask Do maybe really think about it, do you really want to know? And for some reason, we want specifics, we want to know everything, and I don't think I needed to, but I wanted to, and that was the way that we started I can't even say it started rebuilding trust. I don't even know what that was, but that was awful, but anyways, that was it, though, and he even gave us like okay, vanessa, now we need to move forward, because if you keep asking questions, we're still living in it. We're still living in the past, right?
Speaker 2:Right, but that's not even what I was talking about. Oh, I was just talking about like I was living under the bed, like I was tired of being ashamed and oh, I get it Of being told certain things and you who had all the reason to say whatever you wanted to me. After a while it just started to beat me down and the stuff that I had to explain to you. Of course, I didn't want to do that, but it was everything after that that I dealt with and telling myself I deserve this. Like you can't be mad at her because she's saying these things to you and you can't be mad at her because she's treating you a certain way. So me telling myself I wasn't allowed to be mad at you is what made me get frustrated and just want to leave. Like how long do I have to take this? I know what I did, but how long do I have to keep taking this and is it worth it? What if, a year from now, we're still right here? Is it worth it?
Speaker 1:to me that was the hard part, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I just had to hang on to trusting in the process.
Speaker 1:Yeah, to get through it. So the second part, the second part and the second thing would be consistency, which is kind of similar to trust process. But consistency for me was to and I highly suggest this First and foremost, the therapy. Obviously, the days we didn't want to go, go anyways, force yourself to go, it doesn't feel good. I wish it was like you know how you don't feel, like calling to the gym but then out you could tell yourself well, afterwards I always feel good about going to the gym. Yeah, therapy after something like this does not feel good, but you just have to trust that each step is just a tiny step forward.
Speaker 1:I was given a mentor, who I have explained Martha I forgot what we named her who absolutely changed my life and helped me with things like exactly what I was talking about was asking Lenin. All of these, they were in depth, they were sexual questions. I just needed to know. I feel like I needed to know every single disgusting detail, and I think that's part of a control. I think that's part of trying to control the situation, trying to understand why, what like. Is this something that I should be doing? And I would go to her about these things because, in all honesty, a still law pastor didn't really want to talk to my pastor about these things, but I felt so safe talking with her about it.
Speaker 2:Martha.
Speaker 1:So if you, if I suggest anybody, if there's a friend, someone who's been through something similar, it's just so helpful that once a week to speak to them, she was just such a God sent. And then also sidebar. We were told not to. I shouldn't say we were told, we were advised. Nobody ever told us or made us do anything. We were advised not to have sex.
Speaker 1:Something happened to me where I felt like I had to prove what, like who he almost lost. So I just everything heightened for me when it normally did not, and we went through like I don't know, a couple weeks where I was just like let's go, let's go, like it was almost like I'm taking you back, this is my man. My high school energy came back and I thought I would be absolutely disgusted. But let me be totally honest with you. It was too soon because emotionally it was painful every single time. But I think that that was just me trying to prove to myself. Basically, I still got it. I look good. This is what you're missing, you know yeah, just that you still had value.
Speaker 1:You still had value. Thank you yeah.
Speaker 2:The consistency side for me was really simple. It was just even though in the last episode you said that I don't read, I do know how to read and say you don't read. No, you're like. I saw you reading books and you don't read.
Speaker 1:Be honest. The proof is right there, you podcast and you, I'm trying to get you on audibles.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're going back to the not reading. I was going to let it slide. Anyhow, the consistency for me was reading. I read everything that I could get my hands on. Oh, that goes for the next one the next step. I read like crazy.
Speaker 1:Okay, and that is a good segue for number three. So number three was personal growth. By the way, these are not in any particular order. I think that I may do personal growth as number one If I was to do that. Work on yourself, work on loving yourself, whatever it is, whether you need to read podcasts or read podcasts, read books about what you're going through, read, find whatever interest it is that you have.
Speaker 1:For me it was fitness. You need to do things for yourself. Do not put all the weight on your partner to fulfill you, for your partner to make you happy, for your partner to fix you or whatever it is. That was. My problem is that Lyndon. I felt Lyndon needed to complete me. So once I just drowned myself in books power, I think at the time the big book too for married couples is power for praying a wife and all of these books and that just started to feed my self-esteem. It reminded me of who I am, that I am or something that this was not my fault. You would hear a lot of opinions from different people feeling like, well, he did this because she was never around it and it starts to. You're just so sensitive to all those topics, so you're very sensitive to what you're hearing at the time you consume it.
Speaker 1:You consume it. So to consume all things, I mean listen to your favorite music, like whatever, create an incredible playlist, but fill yourself. Oh my gosh, I have to say a story about that too. Go ahead, what are you going to say?
Speaker 2:I was going to say what's funny as far as consuming, what did I go to when all this was happening? I went to Christian music. That's all I was listening to.
Speaker 1:So that's all I was consuming, and it did not that you only have to listen to him, but at the time for you at the time for me.
Speaker 2:it wasn't really good for me to listen to Tupac you know what I'm saying. Like you wonder why they call you. You wonder why they call you Like that wasn't a good album to listen to at the time. But so listening to Christian music? Like you needed to do it soft in my heart, it changed my mindset and it was really what I needed at that time. Now I can go back to listening of a variety of music, but at that time that's why, I need it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it was. It is now forever Our family song. I call it our family song. There was this time I was taking one of the kids to dance. All three of them were with me. I think I just happened to turn the radio on and I want you to understand there had been no laughter from me, no emotion, nothing, just numbness. Right, and I'll debarge. Comes on, and it was. What's the title of the song?
Speaker 2:I've been thinking about you.
Speaker 1:What's the title of the song?
Speaker 2:Oh my God, you're on my mind every day and every night. Mom, have you had a little tongue?
Speaker 1:Okay, that song. Why don't? Why aren't we naming the song? Because you don't know it either. I like it, I like it, I like it. No, wait, hold on. Oh, the bars, I like it, I'm going to find it, I'm going to find it.
Speaker 2:I like the way you come here and I like those styles close to you.
Speaker 1:I like it Okay.
Speaker 2:I was so I was, so I said I like it's actually I like it Okay.
Speaker 1:It comes on the radio and oh, fyi, if you're young, if you're too young, there used to be radio stations where you would just randomly hear music and you didn't put it on and on your iPhone or anything or iTunes, it would just come on and the beat and something about it, it like struck to my core and I was so uplifted. I truly believe God can use anything to just bring you joy and in that moment I needed that joy. There's a song by Maverick City too, or from I said Maverick City anyways, it doesn't matter and in there it says I still, I still got joy in the chaos, I've got peace. That makes no sense. And every single time I hear that lyric, my like lip shakes and I just because I know what that means, and at that moment I was in.
Speaker 1:Nothing had changed in my situation, but I had this immense joy. And it's not always worship music, not always Christian music. I love all of that music, but at that time it was that song. And so now, when the five of us are in the car, I always put that song, because it's rare when five of us are in the car. I always put that song on, because that is now our song.
Speaker 2:And we all sing it at the top of our lungs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, so we have trust the process. Consistency, personal growth. Number four is surround yourself with the couples you'd like to be like. I mean, how would you explain that?
Speaker 2:The best way to explain it is when I was in track and I wanted to be the fastest guy on the track team, I didn't race the guys that were slower than me. I always challenged the guys that were faster than me, because the faster they ran, the more they pushed me to run faster. So whether I caught them or not, I was getting better and I was getting faster.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I noticed personally when we started hanging out with couples that were even more successful, even making more money. We had limits on our life that I didn't know about. So, hanging out with those couples that were making more money, doing more things, having like seven streams we'd never even heard of seven streams of income, you know. Even to that point we're like, oh, that is possible. So the bar started raising, we started pushing for excellence, we started pushing for more and that is so, so powerful. Okay, and then number five do life together. I have to say my mom and my stepdad have had, you know, their issues and their problems and a lot of broken things have happened with them. But I feel like right now, in their late 70s and 80s and you guys don't want to wait that long they're finally getting it. And the biggest thing that changed with them, I remember my mom telling me she was like, yeah, I'm gonna say me hot, because that's what she calls me. She's like I'm so, I was so used to living a life alone, even though I was married. She goes, I went to the gym alone, I went to my Bible studies alone, I went to. I did not realize how much I was ignoring my husband, and then it wasn't until they started to. They are. They've been sober for over 30 million years. They've been sober a long time, but AA is their, is their community. That's their life. They love to go to Denny's on Wednesdays. They have this thing and they didn't do this before. I think this is the longest we have seen them happy. Yeah, it is so beautiful and it's because now they're doing life together.
Speaker 1:One of the challenging things while we were going through this was doing life together, because I remember calling my best friend and just telling her I'm like I can't even look at him right now. I'm, I'm just, I don't. I cannot see this getting better because I'm so angry with him. But then it's like your feelings are so up and down, it's a complete roller coaster. But then, because I love you so much, I felt so bad that you were going through so much pain. It's such a confusing emotion. You know. I just felt so sad for you. I'm like I know he's sorry, I know he feels bad, but then there's that part of me that's like, well, yeah, he should feel bad and he's going to have to go through this.
Speaker 2:And you're absolutely right. It's okay to have your hobbies separate from each other, but as a married couple, you guys should find something in common. Whether that's just going on a walk, you and I have decided that we're going to eventually play pickleball. We got the pickleball set about seven months ago, so any day.
Speaker 1:No, the day we got the pickle pickleball is. Why do we want to say pickleball, pickleball set where, like we are doing this, we're going to go fine and I think I reach out to people. Yeah, that was seven months ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, any day we will start playing pickleball together, but aside from that we get to go to the gym together. We get to go on walks together. Then we have our separate things me doing jiu-jitsu and getting started back up in Brisbane jiu-jitsu and then you will go to the gym by yourself sometimes and do your own thing yes, upstairs in the ladies area, yes and then we can come back together and do life together. So it's very important to have your individual hobbies, but it's also important to find something that you and your spouse can do together.
Speaker 1:Kind of reminds me. I have a little story. I had vertigo. I go to the doctors he was an ENT and he says to me he does the whole exercises, he makes me spin, it was awful. And he goes to me. He goes look at me, he goes. You do have severe vertigo. And he goes. There's a procedure I can do right now. And he's like you are going to fill eight minutes of hell. That's what he said. He goes eight minutes. I'm going to even set the timer and he goes. I will do everything to distract you, I will do my best and he goes, but it is going to be hell. But when you're done you're going to feel like yourself again and he goes. In a couple days you're going to feel even better and then I go. Okay, I trust you at that point. And he laid me back.
Speaker 1:It was this machine, if you know what a thorough gun is. It looked like a thorough gun, but it wasn't, and so, if you know what vertigo is, it's basically crystals that have gone loose in your ear canal and it's awful, anyway. So he has to use this machine to push them back into place where they belong. And it was horrible. It was like all the vertigo I had in one session. It was awful. I was crying he was trying to distract me, it was and then I had to do the other side. Oh, I forgot it was 16 minutes because I had to do the other side. And then I got up and I'm like, okay, and he goes. In. The next couple days you're going to feel amazing.
Speaker 1:And I remember out of the hospital I didn't feel that good, but within the next two days he was absolutely right. I just trusted him and I hadn't been without vertigo in so long. I forgot how good life could be, how good you could feel, how I could just do a squat without getting dizzy, how I could do. It was amazing. But I had to trust the process. This reminds me of that.
Speaker 1:It was horrible, it was painful. There were moments of relief, there were moments of I kind of forgot what had happened. It kind of was pushed in my head and there was moments of light where I'm like everything is going to be OK. And then, once you think it's one of the hardest parts is is like oh my gosh, everything's going to be OK, we're going to be OK. And then two days later I'd get a trigger and all of a sudden I have these horrible images in my head and then I'd be back from where I started Even at that point. Keep going, keep going, because every podcast I have to cry. But I honestly am so grateful that not only that I didn't give up, that Lyndon didn't give up, and that is the only way this can happen. That is probably one of the hardest things about this. It is the two of us, and a lot of times I was at 5% and he had to be at 95% for me, and sometimes it was just we had to give it our all.
Speaker 2:And we've had the privilege of counseling other couples and sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes one spouse is all in and the other one isn't, and when that happens we have to cut ties. We have to say then we're not doctors, we're not therapists, and if you both aren't in it, then we're not the people for you. So if you're in a situation right now, I promise you that if you both are in it, it can get better. These dark days can be light again. There is that light at the end of the tunnel, and everything that we went through has made us who we are today and that's why, when our pastor said in the moment, some day you're going to think how did he say to you?
Speaker 1:He said you're going to thank God for this moment.
Speaker 2:Someday you're going to thank God for this moment, and you wanted to hurt him pretty bad, and I wanted to hurt him pretty bad, and he was absolutely right. That time of our life has made us who we are today, and this is a marriage that I never thought possible. Even when I thought about the best marriage I could have, it still pills into comparison to where we are now. So that is our mission and our goal for you is to get there. So hang on and hold on, because it's there. I promise you it's there.
Speaker 1:Yes, it all depends on just the five steps really quick. Trust the process. Consistency. Find a friend, mentor that you will see consistently for a week, once a week. Personal growth, work on yourself, books, hey, podcasts.
Speaker 2:I think podcast is supposed to be number one.
Speaker 1:Oh, podcast is number one you guys and so you don't feel.
Speaker 1:Also, it's important to kind of research what you're going through and because you don't feel alone at the, you know you can feel very alone like this, like you're the only one going through it. It helps so much to know that there are other couples who have been through what you're going through. Number four surround yourself with the couples you'd like to be like. But I'd like you to step it up. Be surround yourself with the couples that are doing better than you. Number five do life together. I cannot believe we didn't add like the most important thing and that's in church. Like I know that some, because some partners, some one spouse goes to church and the others yeah, you know, and we touched on that, we touched on that, okay.
Speaker 1:Including church pray together, do fun things together. Prayer together can be awkward. Linden has said that to me before. I love praying. I love praying for people. I love praying. Sometimes it can feel weird and awkward. Praying doesn't have to be okay. Let's hold hands and bow our heads. You could even like when you go on walks, just talk to God, pray together, whatever it is, but I feel that that's something I need to say, that that is so important. There's an intimacy that comes when a when a husband and wife come together with God, and it is absolutely beautiful.
Speaker 2:How do people find the couples who they want to be like? How do they find those people and hang out with them?
Speaker 1:That's a good question. We had met Shalene Johnson and that was I had never I think you had done Tony Robbins when they were cassette tapes. I had personally never, ever done personal development. So, shalene, she introduced me to that. I was able to meet her and talk with her and she really mentored the both of us. She had no idea what we were going through, nothing, okay, and then hold on really quick, I'm explaining. And then she introduced us to like a community of people and couples who were just killing it financially, killing it in their marriage, just doing amazing things and I don't know. Find an interest, I guess. Like, if you love pickleball, go to pickleball courts and there's couples there. And church Church is a big one. Sometimes you do want to be careful, because my mom always says it's a hospital and there's a lot of sick people that go to church because they're trying to get better. But going to couples nights and things like that.
Speaker 2:No churches with pineapples.
Speaker 1:I can't believe. You just said that.
Speaker 2:I don't know what it means. I don't know either. Anyhow, yes, yes. So for me, who is more of an introvert, that was a question that I had like how do you connect with those people? But that's absolutely right. Some of my closest friends I met in Jujitsu, because they're doing what I like to do.
Speaker 1:So you're absolutely correct on that, but we're talking about couples.
Speaker 2:But I was given an example of an individual.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:Also, are we closing up? We are closing up. Okay, it's been two hours. If you have any questions, please feel free to email us at.
Speaker 2:Remixyourmarriageatgmailcom.
Speaker 1:Follow us on Instagram Instagram.
Speaker 2:Remixyourmarriagepod.
Speaker 1:Thank you, I know none of this. Yes, and we are going to have a link for our marriage challenge that we want everyone to join. We'll do a podcast on what it is. It's 14 days of just it's fun stuff, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's going to bring you. It shouldn't be called a challenge.
Speaker 1:I know, but it's because we started it a long time ago, because we were doing fitness challenges every month, so we call it a marriage challenge. It is challenging. Some of the things are challenging if you're not used to. It Doesn't mean that challenging and like A bad way?
Speaker 2:Yeah, a bad way. It's fun challenges.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's challenging because we like. One of them, for example, is you have to kiss goodbye and when you say hello and goodbye you need to kiss, but for at least five seconds. Seven second kiss, Seven second kiss, and usually it's so quick, it's like a little bye, love you, bye, love you.
Speaker 2:You know so that she got a little bit of a hold on Seven seconds of a nya, nya, nya nya.
Speaker 1:It's not nya nya, but we did a new thing which I kind of like Speak on it. Should I speak on it? Speak on it. So you guys, I am like so into sex and to sex therapist. Well, I am to sex with you, but sex therapist I love. I just love learning, I love learning more about it. And there is, oh, my gosh, where is her name? I'm gonna find it right now. Hold on, oh, you're never gonna believe what her name is and I forgot it.
Speaker 2:Vanessa.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yes, right.
Speaker 1:I'm scared for my brain. I'm scared.
Speaker 2:It's okay.
Speaker 1:It's Vanessa Marin and she I found her on Instagram and her husband are on there.
Speaker 2:She's a sex therapist.
Speaker 1:She's a sex therapist. She also has something called pillow talk. I haven't really gotten into that one yet, but she said her and her husband. We are gonna do a whole podcast on this, by the way, I'm just gonna touch on it, touch on it barely. But she said that they make out every so, like before they go to bed, like right when they go to bed, their kiss, goodbye or good night is a make out.
Speaker 2:A make out session, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's super, and it doesn't have to go into sex. It doesn't have to. It's just this like beautiful thing that they do. So I hope we're giving you a teaser as to what we will be talking about more of and the importance of it. And we need to just, we need to couple, just talking. Stop making it such a big deal or such a little deal. Who are we really talking about? It shouldn't be a little deal.
Speaker 1:Hopefully we will get to your podcast where we can talk about sex and my husband will not have his dad jokes and his snickers, his snickers and my snickers, I know.
Speaker 1:I don't know why I said snickers. I don't know where that came from, anyways, and I thought that was really cool. So our marriage challenge is gonna have like little things like that for 14 days in a row, something to do, and we've done it before and we've gotten such great feedback on it that it's brought their couples closer and I think it's a perfect kickoff to Valentine's Day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're gonna get back to the fun. We're gonna get you to back to fun. Fun Marriage should be fun when you first met and the whole chase and all that stuff. We're gonna get back there to the fun. Yes, all right, you guys. Thank you so much for hanging out with us. We love you guys. I hear the music, oh yeah. Well, actually you do, oh, and thank you for our five star reviews and the comments. Oh, my gosh.
Speaker 1:Our DMs, our messages. We're so excited.
Speaker 2:So if you haven't already, please do yes. Give us a five star review and a little verbiage behind it. We really appreciate it.
Speaker 1:That would be the greatest gift Rate and review. Please rate and review. Also another great gift. Share this with couples that you love. Yes, all right, are we out?
Speaker 2:Got anything else.
Speaker 1:No, here comes your dad joke. I can feel it, I can see it on your face.
Speaker 2:So what did the? No, there's no dad joke.
Speaker 1:Dad joke is not. What did they? Dad joke are your cheesy jokes.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're so sweet.
Speaker 1:I said you do them.
Speaker 2:You're so sweet. I think they're funny I think the mom jokes are just insults to the dad.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, that's so true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, love you guys, love you guys, love hard, remix your marriage and we'll see you on the next one. Bye, bye, and this was I Need. To Love Girl, that's how you like it. That's how you like it.