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Remix your Marriage Podcast
Sharing our dysfunctional story of relationship, young parenthood and a broken marriage that all started in 1989, to a new incredible marriage. In hopes to help other couples not make the same mistakes.
We will have open and honest conversations about our ups and downs, our bad decisions and how we learned to get through all the Messiness! Marriage is tough but it is also amazing if you do it right!
Hang in there and give us a chance to Remix Your Marriage!
Remix your Marriage Podcast
EP16 - Its a Girl! (Part 2): How one life-altering discovery almost destroyed what we worked so hard to rebuild
In this episode we talk about finding out how close Brittany was to us throughout her childhood and teenage years. And we crossed paths with her mother numerous times and she never said a thing.
Brittanys immediate family was not happy that she reached out to us! Thankfully we have gotten to know the rest of her family, Her Grandma and Grandpa, her Uncle and Aunts and a handful of others. They are all amazing!
Remixyourmarriage@gmail.com
Yeah.
Speaker 2:Are you being serious?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:We can't talk about that on here, huh.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Families.
Speaker 1:Families. Hey, welcome to the show. My name is Lyndon and I'm your host.
Speaker 2:Hi, this is Vanessa and, oh hon, you ruined it. That's where you say Lyndon.
Speaker 1:Because I've already said the Lyndon part.
Speaker 2:No, because you're supposed to edit All right. Well, this is a podcast, basically about our story. We met at I was 15, Linden was 16, and we are still married. Not only are we still married, we are happily married Since 19. Oh, I don't know when we got married, yeah, since 1996.
Speaker 2:Oh really, we got married in the 90s. Yes, it's been a while and we just like to share our story and everything we've been through, from infidelity to life and trauma and houses being taken away and cars being taken. Only one house was taken away from us, anyways. We share that story in hopes to help all of you.
Speaker 1:That's the goal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that sounded like we are one big mess, but aren't we all?
Speaker 1:Yes, we are and we are not therapists. Yeah, we are not. We're not therapists. We just share our stories and we are hoping that our story can help better change and remix your marriage.
Speaker 2:Yes, and we try to be as authentic as we can be.
Speaker 1:We are not try.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, we're not trying, we just start. But anyways, part one how much incredible feedback did we get.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a lot happened.
Speaker 2:I'm laughing because I feel that we have friends out there that hurt this, that are very hurt that they didn't know this story and I felt like we told everyone. But I guess you know it's just part of who we are. Now I didn't feel I don't know, I forget to tell people, I guess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I think that's. Yeah. We just assume people know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But we've told so many people that we don't know the people that we didn't tell. But yes they're learning about it now.
Speaker 2:I know, which is really great, and if you are Sorry, go back, don't listen to this right now. Go back, listen to part one and then come back to us.
Speaker 1:So here we go, part two, it's. A girl.
Speaker 2:It's a girl. I don't. I don't like that title, I know Okay.
Speaker 1:But it's what comes after the title that you'll like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true. Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1:So we left off.
Speaker 2:I need to interrupt because I want everybody to know that. Brittany listened to this and she is just I want to give her a shout out on how amazing of a young woman she is and how much I love her, because she basically just said go for it. Yeah, tell the story, tell all that she has nothing to hide and I think it's so beautiful.
Speaker 1:She said we were being too kind.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:One of the things you said was you wrote her that really strong letter wanting to be close to her, wanting to love her and all these things, but you didn't really mean it at the time.
Speaker 2:Yes, I love her now and have nothing but joy when I see her and the kids and her husband, but at the time it was, I felt that I needed to write it, even though I didn't feel it to go through the action of it and knowing that this was a step towards healing and that I would eventually feel that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't know if that makes sense or if anybody has felt that in their life where they're like I'm just going to go through the action of this and hopefully it'll work and hopefully I will feel this way about the situation. But that's kind of where I was at. I wanted to love her immediately. I wanted to love the kids. I wanted her to be my daughter and have these kids be my grandkids and have a son-in-law and have all of that. I wanted her to be my daughter and have these kids be my grandkids and have a son-in-law and have all of that. I wanted that. But if I'm being completely transparent, in that moment I wasn't feeling that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was premature, but I really appreciated that because I was so concerned about pleasing you and still making you happy, knowing I've just drugged this woman through more mud, like we finally got over something huge and here I am again dragging her through the mud. So it was so touching for me that you did write her that letter, even though I knew you weren't completely ready. It meant a lot that you did that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Thank you. So as we were finishing the other episode, I was talking about her and I were texting like crazy, going back and forth all day, every day, just trying to learn as much about each other as we can, and me trying to make up for for lost time and having so much guilt. We were following each other on Facebook. But I was thinking once her family finds out that she's reached out to me, they're going to reach out to me, they're going to apologize. Her mom's going to say I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wish I would have told you sooner. The rest of her family is going to come on board and I was going to be the bigger man and I was going to forgive everybody for hurting me, for hurting my family. My mom never got to meet Brittany in person.
Speaker 1:My mom never got to meet her great grandkids there were so many people who were infected on my side of the family, so I just thought, once she's made this step, that her family's gonna be like dang okay. Well, here we go, and it wasn't even close to how things happen.
Speaker 2:I have to say too, just on my part, that not that this is about me, just me. That was very difficult for me. It was such a confusing feeling to have you text someone that.
Speaker 2:I didn't know that I wasn't in the text and and it was such a weird feeling and I felt jealous. And then I felt bad because I felt jealous and then I'd get mad. I'm like, well, shouldn't I be a part of this? Shouldn't this be a group text? It was a very weird feeling and I have to tell you that's where the importance of my friends came in and my relationship with God, because I wanted, like I said, I wanted to love her, I wanted to be happy about the situation, I wanted to have joy about it and I mean, who do you go to if you want to know how to love someone and want to forgive? And that is the center of love and forgiveness and that's Jesus. And that's who I had to seek for it. And that's the only way I can explain.
Speaker 2:Like day by day, it was tough and I'm like, okay, he's not texting another girl, he's texting his daughter. And what's crazy is it's not like it was overnight, but all of a sudden I grew this different type of love, like even more love for you, because I saw you. First of all, I thought it was very beautiful, but painful, I know, for you, because that's what you were trying to do. You're like trying to make up for life. I mean, and I think in all honesty, I would have looked at you so differently if you didn't really care, if you didn't keep in contact with her. That's not the man that I knew.
Speaker 2:But, I saw this other side of you of just wanting to be her dad. I truly give credit, obviously, to myself for seeking God on that, but credit to God for just showing that side of you. If that makes sense. I don't know if I'm making sense, but it's like I just started to grow this intense love for you because of just this man that you were in, this father you were, and how much you truly cared about her, and I think that helped me so much with the healing. And it was just like all of a sudden I'm like, oh, I actually love seeing him text her. I'm not jealous, I'm not angry. It is a very weird and very specific situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was just something that wasn't in our vows. Yeah, we had to kind of figure that out. So, moving forward, we're texting all the time and I'm getting to know her and, you know, sending things to her on Facebook, but I know she has me Um, I don't know what the setting is, but basically, you know, her family can't see what I'm putting on her page and you know like life goes on. I have these big plans for us to get together, for her to come out and all this stuff. And then one day I go on Facebook and I go to send her something and she's not there and I was like, huh, that's weird.
Speaker 1:So the last thing I was thinking was that she unfriended me. I was just kind of looking around. I'm like what is going on? Why can't I find her name? And then, yeah, I typed her name in and then just said add friend. So she had unfriended me. So I was like, huh, that's odd, this is really out of the blue. So then I text her and I said, hey, did you? You know, da, da, da and nothing. And then I text her again and again and again, and just complete silence. Prior to this happening, we had talked over the phone and she told me that the people who had raised her were very, very upset that she reached out to me, that they were giving her a really, really hard time and there was just a lot going on inside of her and with them. And she was just going through it. And then she told me and I'm pregnant. So she just found out she was pregnant with her third child. So she had a lot going on. So we moved forward and we just kept talking and chatting.
Speaker 2:It just breaks my heart because none of this is her, but she was made to feel like she was the bad person. It just blows my mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we're going to cause her and I talked about that and I can't get ahold of her. I'm texting her like crazy. So then, just like you said a minute ago, like who do I run to? You know what I mean Like I know you don't have the answers. And so I just prayed and I'm like God, I don't know what's going on, but she reached out to me for a reason. You had her reach out to me at that specific time for a reason. So what do I do? She's not responding and God said he said it to me a lot better than I can verbalize it. But basically he says she's pulling away, but she doesn't want to.
Speaker 1:So the only way to keep her is to send her my word, because she's not listening to me.
Speaker 2:Wow hon, I didn't know it was that yeah.
Speaker 1:So she's not going to listen to my words, so to send his word. So every single Sunday I sent her a Bible verse, and it wasn't a random Bible verse. I would go through verse after verse until I felt like this is the one. And I would send it and no response. Every Sunday I'm sending no response.
Speaker 2:I remember that.
Speaker 1:And I'm sending notes for that. And, um, I'm tormented, you know. It's because I'm like I don't, I don't, god, I don't understand, like, why did you do this? Why did you have her come to me and then leave me? Like, what is you know, why am I being punished? You know, and I really did start making it about me, you know, I because I'm like I want to be there for her. So I just kept doing that, I kept sending and sending. And then, um, I want to say and Brittany probably knows more than I do, but I want to say it was a good seven or eight months and we were at a friend's house and we were just about to watch.
Speaker 2:Seven or eight months, and you never stopped sending her those texts on Sunday that I remember yeah.
Speaker 1:And there was a huge fight that was coming on. It was a Sunday, it was a huge fight that was coming on. We were at a friend's house, we were about to get getting ready to watch this fight and I get a text and it says Brittany. So there's a part in Mulan, the movie that I talk about all the time, and you know the story of Mulan, where she is like the female and her dad has to go to war, but instead she cuts her hair to look like a boy so she can go to war for her dad and she fights and she beats the Hun and she gets his necklace and his sword and like she is the conqueror of that country.
Speaker 1:She is like she comes home to her dad with with the enemy's sword. She had the prize possession, yes, the thing that everybody was after to show that everything was going to be okay. And she walked up to her dad to hand it to him and he threw it to the floor and he hugged her because that's all he cared about. He didn't care, care about all the things, and that's that's how I felt in that moment, like I saw her face and the fight was just about to start and I. I saw her, not her face. I saw her name up on my phone and, like in that moment, nothing else mattered.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And again, because it's been 10 or 11 years. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it had to do with what she was going through with that part of her family, that she was pregnant, that at one time she was rushed to the hospital because of stress and she just didn't want to continue talking to me because it was causing too much stress on the other side of her family that was affecting her. We picked up where we left off, but it was different because she had been so hurt by that side of her family.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And one thing I realize about people is when, let's say, you work for a company and your boss is just cruel and horrible and not someone you can talk to, and then you quit and then you go work for another company and you're so used to being treated that way by your other boss that when you have a new boss, you assume that boss is going to be the same. It that way by your other boss that when you have a new boss, you assume that boss is going to be the same. So, that being said, when she was out of my life for so long, when she came back to me, she expected a firestorm.
Speaker 2:She expected Wow, I didn't think about that yeah. I keep saying wow, I didn't think about that. Because I felt like I'm hearing this story for the first time from you, because and I think I explained this to other people but it's not like me and you sit down together and talk about something we went through.
Speaker 2:So hearing your background, because I remember the fight, I remember you getting the text, but I don't remember you never told me how you felt of what was going on. So that's why I keep. I'm just like in awe right now.
Speaker 1:And I didn't want to be a burden on you. I was already. I felt like I had already burdened you so much and I didn't want to add to that. So I was trying to handle this between me and God and Brittany.
Speaker 1:When I spoke to her, I'm like no, I'm not angry with you, like this isn't. None of this is your fault and no one has taught you how to respond. And I know you're used to a certain way of people reacting to you. But that's not who I am and I'm not going to respond to you in anger and I'm not going to respond to you with name calling or anything.
Speaker 2:I'm going to respond to you as a person, as my daughter as someone that I love, you know, and that was a big adjustment for her, based on what she was used to, and I think that's so beautiful, because you taught her what it's like when a loving family maybe has an argument or a disagreement or they. You actually taught her. No, this is, this is okay. I still love you, I'm still here for you, I think, and I can't speak for her, but I think she probably thought if I just stop reaching out or I unfriend him, he'll forget about me anyways, because she didn't. I don't believe she saw her value. She didn't see her value, but she didn't see how much we valued her as well and how much, no, you're. I remember how angry I did get during this time, and I got angry at her because I'm like how are you going to come into our life? Show us like your, your family we had met in person, yet Show us all these things, get us, start to get us excited and then you just disappear.
Speaker 1:That is so unfair to all of us, you know, and I think, when I did speak to her, one of the things she did say was she thought that I was going to eventually just go away, and she told me on several occasions that she looks so forward to getting those verses and so many times they were exactly what she needed to hear in that moment, which was just proof to me that God has had his hand in this the whole time. Why did I not just randomly pick out a verse and send it to her? I always kept going until I felt like this is the one. So, yeah, god's hand was in this. And we ended up having a conversation where she was just down on herself, down on being born, like she was a mistake and she goes I was an accident, I was a mistake, I shouldn't be here. And I said you know, god doesn't make mistakes and I can honestly say you weren't on purpose. And I said neither was my son, like it was God's timing.
Speaker 1:You're here because God wanted you here and I said, but neither was my son, like it was God's timing. You're here because God wanted you here and there was no mistakes made and your life has a value. Your brother's life has value. Our sons being born changed your life, vanessa. He changed your life. You were going down a bad path and we didn't get pregnant on purpose, but he changed your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And Brittany being born is the same thing. She has come into our life and she has changed everything about our family. She has made us so much better. So there is no mistake, and it doesn't matter what she's been told Otherwise. She's not a mistake and these conversations that I'm having with her were were heartbreaking, and I'm sorry if, if I'm jumping around a little bit, my brain is going crazy with all of this, all these memories and everything. So I'm just going to go back to learning where she grew up.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so there was a time, when Brittany was about 10 years old, that I was at Stater Brothers and I ran into her mom.
Speaker 2:I was there too. I was with you, you were. Yes, because I remember it. It almost feels like a dream, because we didn't. It was like running into some old person from high school. We didn't put any thought into it and I knew nothing about you two. So why would I even think about it?
Speaker 1:And I remember running into her mom and Brittany, and then there was, I think at the time there was two other kids, two or three other kids Everyone is Caucasian, but Brittany looked mixed. And it's so crazy that my mind didn't even for a second think oh, I wonder if that's my daughter. My mind went to oh, I didn't know her mom had been with the black guy. Yeah, so I was wondering, like I wonder who's she is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um and I didn't think about it because she was the oldest she was older he looked the oldest but but she also has a brother that looked about her age who's Caucasian.
Speaker 2:Did you ever ask Brittany about that? If she remembered that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, she did oh okay, yeah. That was a crazy thing. Thinking back to that, yeah, and then thinking about to how many times over the years we ran into her mom.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, okay, we ran into her mom, okay, and, yeah, okay. And because my kids all your parents know that have kids that go to kindergarten, they have to get all of their shots and immunizations, so they have to go to their physical, their five-year physical. And so I had I had I think it was little in it and Bella and maybe Sophia was a baby, but I think it was little in it and Bella and maybe Sophia was a baby, but I think I was taking, I was taking little Linden and she was the medical assistant.
Speaker 2:The mom was our medical the medical assistant and you know they check you in and they do the weigh in and we had to man great actress because I didn't feel. But you know what's weird? Why do I remember it? Why do I remember that? I'm telling you I have the worst memory, but I remember that.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm going to tell you why, but I do remember.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you, though, I do remember her asking me a lot of questions about Lennon's health.
Speaker 1:Junior.
Speaker 2:Junior. I remember her asking me that and then we were just talking super sweet. The thing is I've always gotten along with her Fun fact that has nothing to do with anything. She came up with a nickname for me in seventh grade. It's just like it's just no clue at all. That is just so. It honestly gives me like a sick feeling in my stomach.
Speaker 1:So she was our kid's medical assistant. So we took our kids to the doctor. She got the chart. She wrote everything Gosh, that's so scary. She already Thinking about it. She knew, she knew, yeah, see her at the college when there was football games.
Speaker 2:No, she knew. Lyndon's graduation she was there.
Speaker 1:My son's graduation. Yes, she was there.
Speaker 2:That's when I had said to her I'm like, oh my gosh, I was just thinking about you, because at that tree over there is when you and so-and-so gave me my nickname and I remember her being a little off, like a little weird. Then, anyways, go on. This is so weird to me because literally you are looking at your child Like what on earth was she thinking? And right now, because I have grown so much, forgiveness, it actually makes me so sad for her.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It really does Like how terrifying that must have been for her when she saw you at Cedar Brothers.
Speaker 1:Every time she ran into us.
Speaker 2:She must have seen my name on that appointment with Lyndon Jr On there, knowing I was coming in Her daughters. And just like her feeling like she had to deal with that alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Gosh, it's so sad, it's so sad.
Speaker 1:It is sad.
Speaker 2:It really like makes me sad now.
Speaker 1:So we started thinking about that when we found out wait a second, it wasn't like she didn't have an opportunity to tell us. She just decided not to. And then, as I got to know Brittany, I said what high school did you go to? Oh, you went to the same high school as your brother, my son Lyndon Jr. My goodness, what year did you graduate? Oh, you graduated two years before he did, so. You guys were at the same high school for two years. Well, where did you grow up? Where did you live during this time? Because you were obviously in the same district. Oh, you lived on the same street as us, five houses away, on the other side of the fence.
Speaker 2:Crazy, and her and Lyndon even talked about Lyndon Jr. I think people know I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 2:Marnie, why would I say anyways, lyndon Jr. Okay, I feel like everyone knows. So her and Lyndon Jr. I don't even call him Lyndon Jr, I call him baby Lyndon, or no, my mom calls him that. Oh my gosh, I'm off topic. Okay, so her and Lyndon talked about how there was a certain fight at school.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And they were both at that fight.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And they both remember that this is I mean, we are also the bootcamp.
Speaker 1:I was going to get there.
Speaker 2:Go ahead, oh, where we had bootcamp.
Speaker 1:Going back to our bootcamp days. Where we had bootcamp is where her husband's mom lived.
Speaker 2:Lived across the street, but also they got married at that park and they got married. Brittany got married at that park to her husband still husband Charlie.
Speaker 1:Where we did boot camp.
Speaker 2:Yeah, where we did boot camp.
Speaker 1:There were so many crossovers.
Speaker 2:It's just crazy, yeah, it's so crazy yeah.
Speaker 1:And not to get too deep, but there was even a woman that went to our church who was best friend with. Brittany's husband's mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, her mother-in-law.
Speaker 1:And that's how they found out more about the kind of people we were.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because they had talked to her and she's like no, they're like the best people Talk to them, you need to tell them, they need to know. And then she came to church seeing us, knowing this, and didn't say anything because she's a good BFF. So she kept her mouth shut, didn't say anything because she knew it wasn't her plate, which was just so sweet. It was just it's crazy. Also, I don't know if we discussed this in part one, but the fact that I think I was talking to my friend about this, the fact that Brittany waited four years, which hurts my heart.
Speaker 1:Waited four years? For what?
Speaker 2:To tell us she found you on Facebook and then she waited four years to tell you if she wouldn't have waited it. That four years prior was our worst. That was when we were I mean, we were just barely, barely surviving, barely making it as a couple, because we were just getting through the infidelity, not even getting through it, just starting our therapy with that. So the fact that I don't know what would have happened if she would have told us at that time and it was like the four years were almost perfect I don't know if that sounds very insensitive, but it like gave us enough time to like strengthen our marriage, because even if we would have known prior to that, I don't know where we would be right now. So I think that we also need, because listening to you right now, love, listening to you saying I had to seek God on this and that God had told you just, she's not going to listen to your word, but she'll listen to my word. See, I was doing good, and then I heard that she's going to listen to my word.
Speaker 2:That man that said that to her you were not that man four years prior. You were that man because you were trying to become better, a better husband. You were seeking my forgiveness. You were doing all the work, all the hard work. So in the meanwhile, it was like God was refining you and building you up into this man that could handle the situation with Brittany.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's just as much as it pains me that she hasn't been in our life her whole life. It's just God.
Speaker 1:God's divine timing, because I wasn't ready. You're right.
Speaker 2:You weren't ready.
Speaker 1:I'm waiting for the phone call. So I told my family, I told my mom, I told my sisters Brittany had added me back on Facebook. I sent a message to my cousins and my siblings. Everybody instantly friend requested her. Like everybody is virtually open arms. You know what I mean. Like your family, you're my cousin, you're my niece, so beautiful. Everybody took her in. Thank God for Facebook, because before my mom passed away they got to connect and Brittany and my mother look so much alike. It's crazy.
Speaker 2:Their mannerism.
Speaker 1:Yes, their demeanor, everything. So like I am so thankful for that part of it and I had to I had to accept and let go that I have no control of what happened up until she reached out to me.
Speaker 1:It's a very hard thing to do so now I'm waiting for a phone, for a phone call from her mom, for a phone call from her mom, because she's told her mom. Her mom has said nope, I don't accept this. He is not your family, those are not your. Your children's grandparents like no, and I'm waiting now, keep it in mind. I've known, I've known her mom since we were in junior high. I know her pretty well and I was waiting for this phone call and she finally called me. And I love how God likes to show me how wrong I am when I believe that I know better how things are going to go. So the conversation that I expected was hey, lyndon, I am so sorry that I didn't tell you about your daughter. I am so sorry about all the years that she lost. I'm so sorry your family didn't get to meet her. This is on me, I apologize. That's what I was expecting. What I got was hey, I probably should have told you, but this is really affecting our family. So can you please stop talking to her.
Speaker 2:And my response to her was I actually think you laughed a little bit, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And my response to her was name.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:You know what kind of man I am? She goes yeah, and I said so what kind of man would I be if I walked away?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And she goes. I know and I said so there's no way I'm going anywhere, mm-hmm. And she goes. Yeah, I figured that. And she goes. Yeah, I figured that. I just thought that when we were in our 70s I would run into you somewhere and I would tell you Really, that was it.
Speaker 2:You told me that.
Speaker 1:That's because you were outside pacing back and forth with steam. I wanted to fight Steam coming out of your ears because you knew I was talking to her, because you knew I was talking to her. So I knew that I am not dealing with people that have the same sanity as I do, and I am not the person that's going to say that somebody is right, somebody is wrong, somebody should feel a certain way, because you and I know throughout our lives and relationships that we had that choices we would have made people make other choices, and that's you vote one way, I vote a different way. Okay, so in this circumstance, I do want to say that everything about that conversation and every decision she made in regards to my daughter was wrong, but that is not my place to say. That is how I feel.
Speaker 2:Why isn't that your place to say?
Speaker 1:Because she handled things differently than the way I would handle things.
Speaker 2:Okay, right, yeah, the right way. No, yeah, you're still being too. You can be kind, but you also have to be real and be honest. We don't have to have. We know that now we both have forgiven her and she doesn't need to apologize for us to forgive because we have forgiven her. We've let that go. However, yes, you deserve an apology. Oh, yeah, you deserve. Brittany deserves an apology. Brittany deserves the right to have that relationship with you, to have that relationship with us. She did nothing wrong. She did absolutely nothing wrong, and I'm so grateful that she knows that now. I'm so grateful that she knows what a loving family looks like. I'm also grateful she knows what it is to have a relationship with Jesus. That's what we both have a hard time saying. We're Christians, because we feel like that word has just been used by people who don't have the greatest characteristics, and so she now knows what that looks like, what love looks like, what forgiveness looks like. She knows that through you.
Speaker 2:I'm going on a tangent.
Speaker 1:I don't even know where I got, but it just makes me angry because you're being super kind, so I'm going to bring it back in, okay, and I and I know and I can't help. You have to understand. The only reason I am not going ghetto hood is because of her, even though she said I could, I just can't because of her.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:So we beat.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:We get to meet.
Speaker 2:Okay, yes, this is a very exciting day, my best friend. It's been a year. Yes, my best friend, I said you have to be there and I want you to video. Where is that video? Maybe I should ask her.
Speaker 1:It's in the cloud.
Speaker 2:I have no idea where that video. Anyways, I asked if she would video. We got toys for the kids and then we decided we were going to meet at her husband's yeah, at her mom's In-law Lives across the street from our boot camp.
Speaker 1:In-law.
Speaker 2:We're going to meet at her house, and it was not what I pictured, so I'm going to so this is what's funny. I was excited. I was nervous, but I was more so excited.
Speaker 1:So I want to say that Brittany is very much like me.
Speaker 2:And how long had it been?
Speaker 1:A year, okay, it had been a year it had been a year that we had been talking and that we had gone through our ups and downs and tears and tears and tears and talks in the middle of the night and we'd come a long way but we hadn't met in person. So we finally meet in person, regardless of what my family tells you. I am an introvert. I don't care what they tell you. I force myself to talk to people, but I'm an introvert. Brittany is very, very much like me. So it was. We all get together, we get to house, and I remember uh, sylvia and her family were with us too, uh, we had no, they weren't no full oh, that's for the barbecue yeah, you're all going ahead.
Speaker 1:It was only, it was, yeah so, being that britney and I are are both alike, it was very funny that we get there, we meet everybody, and then they shoved me and britney in a room by ourselves oh, that's right. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It was done so wrong. So we are sitting there and I'm like Let me just say, if we would have done it nowadays, it would have been so different.
Speaker 1:It would have been it was so awkward.
Speaker 1:So her and I are sitting there and I'm like, oh yeah, she's just like me, so neither one of us are going to say anything. So I just looked at her and I said, hey, and she goes, yeah, and I go. So you want to go back in there with everybody else? She goes, yeah, and I go, me too. So we just went in and we talked and we all hung out and it was just that feeling of family, even with with her mother-in-law. It's like we all felt like family. It had nothing to do with our nationality, you know, our race, or it was just we were all connected. And how did you feel in that moment?
Speaker 2:Well, it felt very awkward because I am the opposite of them and I am someone who thought it would be we're going to run like I had pictured her and Lennon, like when they saw each other hugging and sobbing like all over each other and then me hugging her and sobbing all over me and the kids would be just so excited to meet us, and like I just I really did envision that, I really did create the story. So that was not it at all. It was awkward at first, just at first, and and then I'm going to be honest, I don't think it got comfortable until we did the barbecue and then later we had a barbecue Her mom had a barbecue with and said to invite her mom. Oh my gosh, sorry.
Speaker 1:Definitely not her mom.
Speaker 2:Mother-in-law had a barbecue and beautiful, beautiful house, beautiful pool and backyard and she was like invite all of your friends. So of course our friends were super excited to meet them and that's when it just like sunk in. It was just it felt like it felt like a puzzle piece. Like it felt like a puzzle piece that just kind of fit in perfectly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I do want to say, because this is one of the unsung heroes is her husband, charlie, who, without going into too much of this side of the story because it doesn't really have to do with marriage- yeah but, um, she was told that she was caucasian her whole life. Uh, her husband's african-american, the husband's mom meets Brittany.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, I thought we talked about that. We say that all the time because it's crazy. It is so absurd to me and so sad that Brittany did not know she was Black most of her life.
Speaker 1:Yes. So she said most of her life. People when she was a kid other kids would tell her she's like no, both my parents are white. So when she met her husband's mom, her husband's mom said oh, you brought a black girl home.
Speaker 2:Joking around because dated white girl yeah.
Speaker 1:And he goes mom, she's not black, she's white, he's white. And then his mom said well, then somebody jumped over the fence because that girl is black.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank God for Charlie's mom.
Speaker 1:That started the journey of her saying wait a second, like too many people are saying this. And, charlie, her husband was like you need to do whatever you need to do to find out the truth. And when she found out about me he was on her like, reach out to him, reach out to him. He was. He was on her side the whole time and husbands can ruin a lot of things. He could have said just forget about it, move on. But he was a champion for her, which which is why I love him.
Speaker 2:Husbands can ruin a lot of things. That goes yes.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:That's.
Speaker 1:Yes. I don't know if we're not going to go there, but whatever, but so I just props to her husband for being in her corner this whole time and just being a good man.
Speaker 2:I'm so glad you mentioned that because, yes, charlie, we're so grateful for him. We're so grateful for his support and what. I think it's so beautiful. That is everything that she has went through and all the things that she went through in her childhood, that she chose such a great husband, and we have loved him from the beginning.
Speaker 1:I don't remember where the switch was, but there was a time where she she was always honest with them and she would tell them yeah, I'm talking to Lyndon and Vanessa, and you know it was never easy.
Speaker 2:It was never easy for her, never easy for her to have to tell them.
Speaker 1:But one day she said to me you know what? I no longer care. I don't care and for so long I felt like we were. We were like the second fiddle, we were. I can't talk about you guys, I can't post about you guys, I can't be proud of you guys. I have to love you in secret and that was hurtful, that was it really was hurtful, especially seeing the other side of her family, her posting. You know things about the other side of her family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I just I, I'll take what I can get you know like here and then one day she just decided that she didn't care anymore and that's when everything changed and she started posting antagonists and stuff.
Speaker 1:And there was one thing that she said to me that I will never, ever forget as time has gone on and she's been to our home for Christmas and during the summer we got to go visit them in Texas. She said that sometimes, when she's well, she apologized, of course, because she is such a kind person, but she said I'm sorry if I'm quiet, sometimes she goes, but it is just so beautiful to watch you and your family just be a family and have fun, smile and knowing that. She's a part of that now and she still has a hard time because she's expecting for me to judge her at some point, she's expecting for you to say something mean to her, bad to her, and she fights through that. But she's so happy when she's with us and gets to hang out with us and sit in the backyard and we have coffee and we just talk and that's just not something that she's used to.
Speaker 2:And I think it's also beautiful on your part that you just said I'll take what I can get. So, instead of putting more stress on her, like her other side of her family was and you didn't put any stress on her you're like I'm just, I want to love her, I want to be there for her. We wanted to be there. This is her choice. We waited for her to figure this out on her own instead of forcing it, instead of giving her ultimatums, instead of doing you know, we're just like, we're going to meet you where you're at and then look what happens. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'll tell this last story. We went to Texas, me and you, bella and Sophia, decided to Uber to go to Fourth of July, to Brittany's house on Fourth of July, fourth of July in Texas. In Texas it was very hot, it was a little bit hot. So we get dropped off in this neighborhood and we're like out front, uber leaves and like we're knocking on the door and like no, I text her and I was like hey, we're out front. And she goes, oh, I don't see you. And I go, yeah, I go, we're, we're right in the driveway. And she goes, I'm in the driveway. And I go oh, I go, is your address? Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot dot. She's like, um, no, that's my old address, I'll just come pick you up, click. And I was like, oh, okay. So we were waiting out front of this house and we're dripping with sweat.
Speaker 2:It is so hot and ugly so 12 minutes went by.
Speaker 1:It felt like it felt like an hour. But 12 minutes went by and Brittany rolled up and she's like hey guys, hop in.
Speaker 2:She's like get in now.
Speaker 1:She was so sweet yeah, so we get in. She took us back to her house and I noticed that it took us a little more than 20 minutes to get back to her house. So I was like, hey, were you home when we called you? And she was like, yeah, and I go, how the heck did you, how did you get there so fast? And she was like, oh well, my parents live down the street from that house. Yeah, and they drive around and walk around the neighborhood.
Speaker 2:Of course it's their neighborhood. We accidentally went to her old address, yes, and the only person to blame for that is Lyndon, not Lyndon Jr Lyndon that I'm talking to right now, because he had you had her old address, so you didn't ask her. So you just gave it to the Uber. So we were in their neighborhood. Just imagine if they would have seen us Did we not make it clear that they do not like us and don't want any part of us? So if they would have seen cause they know what we all look like and if they would have seen us. So thank you God, but it was hilarious, because Brittany stayed calm the whole time, but she must have flew, because it took us 20 minutes to get back and, yeah, it was crazy. It was funny, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I love her for that because she didn't panic, she was just like I'll be right there, no worries, and she didn't tell us so we didn't know.
Speaker 2:We're just like standing there, we still nervous, being in a unknown neighborhood in Texas.
Speaker 1:But so that is a story of us finding out that we had another daughter, a blessing, and I am so grateful and thankful for my daughter, for my I almost said grandkids, I almost said my godson, for my son-in-law and for my grandkids.
Speaker 2:And also I just watched Elf last night and it, yeah, and it made me tear up at that same part that she's like this is wonderful, you have a child. I just love that part and it probably other people probably don't notice it, but maybe you'll notice it now.
Speaker 1:They'll notice it. Yeah, other people probably don't notice it, but maybe you'll notice it now They'll notice it and I just I just want to say like I'm going to you know, as a man, if you listen to part one, like my instinct was to hide this from you. My instinct was to believe that you couldn't handle it and to think that I had to take control of the situation and leave you out of it and that would have messed all of this up. So I just want to remind the husbands out there that you got to trust your wife. She can handle a lot more than what you think.
Speaker 1:And when you lie about stuff, when you keep stuff away, it only gets worse. And I can't even imagine where we would have ended up if I would have handled this differently, If I didn't put it in the hands of God and trust God in guiding me through all of this, where we would have ended up. So I am so grateful for that. So I just say that to any husbands when you think your wife is going to be upset, she probably is going to be upset, but then you walk through it. It only gets worse if you don't say anything and she finds out and she will find out.
Speaker 2:And I also like to say something to any wife that's like you're trying to rebuild right now and you're trying to uh, it's very interesting when you ask your spouse to. Maybe you're overcoming infidelity or some kind of mistrust doesn't even have to be an infidelity, any kind of mistrust and you are asking your husband to always be honest with you. If you're asking for him to always be honest with you, be prepared for that. And the only way you can be prepared for that is by spending that time with God, spending that time with him. The more you spend time with him, the more you understand his voice, you understand his character, the more that character seeps into your soul and you become that honest and forgiving and loving human being.
Speaker 2:Yes, we're not perfect and I'm not saying that I'm perfect, but I couldn't have handled all of this without my relationship with God. I don't think I would have had the. I know I've always had the capacity, but I don't think I would have had the. I know I've always had the capacity, but I don't think I would have even attempted or tried to love her and to love the family if I didn't trust in my heavenly father, if I didn't trust him to know he was going to hold my hand the whole way and he did. And now I can truly say there isn't one single jealous bone in my body. There isn't one. I have no anger. I joke around, but I don't even have anger towards the family that raised her. All I do is have love for her and for Charlie and oh, do I love those kids. And it's just amazing what God can do in and through you and all you got to do is just spend a little time with Him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and remember that your kids are watching and I think that you set a really good example to our kids because you said in the part one how Bella's your protector and Bella was watching to see how you were going to respond. So Bella's your protector and Bella was watching to see how you were going to respond. And I think, based on the way you responded, is the reason why Bella has been so open to this whole thing and so the adapting of Brittany. You know, our kids have different personalities and Sophia is open arms. I love you, I don't care who you are or where you come from. I love you. Bella is like I kind of love you, but I need to really get to know who you are first.
Speaker 1:I don't even know if she kind of loves in the beginning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I was trying to be nice, and I think that her guard was up at first until she saw how you were responding.
Speaker 2:I do want to say something on that, because all three of our kids probably have something different to share about the situation, but I do know that out of all three of them, it was the hardest for Bella, and she did hide a lot from us because she, bella has always been that child and I don't know if it's a middle child, oldest daughter, I don't know what it is, but she's always been like that protector, wanting to protect both me and you. And so I knew she knew that we were going through so much. She was like I'm not going to add onto this, because if they know that I'm sad about it, then they're going to worry about me and they have other things. And I do know that, that she was going through that and that she did talk with her best friend about it during the time. But it was a real battle for her um that she had to overcome as well. And you know, I don't I don't want it to seem like our kids were just like all wonderful, everything was easy.
Speaker 1:That's why. That's why I wanted to bring that up. I just wanted to just to point out that they that they are watching, yeah, and they're seeing how we're going to respond to things.
Speaker 2:And also talk to your kids. Your kids you said, your wife can handle more. Your kids can handle more than you think. It's just how you deliver the message, how we react to it, how we I just communication is is everything, everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then last thing. So I talked about Bella. My son is grown, he's in and out when he sees her, he loves her, but you know, sometimes boys don't communicate much. And then there's Sophia, who is like her little twin, and they have so much in common.
Speaker 2:It's so cute. They're like the same person they really are.
Speaker 1:It's just been a blessing. I'm just. I'm so happy that she reached out and that car accident that she got into, where she thought if I die, he'll never know about me. Talk about bad circumstances that force you to do the things you know you need to do. She had to do and here we are because of it. So yeah.
Speaker 1:I love her. I love you, brittany. Thank you for your permission, thank you for your support and letting us tell your story, and if you ever want to hop on here and talk, you're more than welcome. But I love you. I love you, charlie.
Speaker 2:Kids who cannot hear this until they're in their 50s. That's not truthful.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:All right, wow, we got through it. We did it. Let us know if you have any questions about the story, any questions for us, any topics you would like us to hit. We'd love to you know, we, we want to know what you want to know and we want to give you a I also. I also want to be that podcast where you, like you're not just like listening to our stories and then moving on with your life, like it's something that you can take into practice, into your own marriage and relationship. I'm hoping that we're providing that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so feel free to reach out to us. Remix your Marriage pod on Instagram. We're Remix your Marriage on Facebook and then also RemixYourMarriage at gmailcom, if you want to email us.
Speaker 2:Or if you want to give us a review and rate us.
Speaker 1:Yes, give us a review on Apple iTunes Spotify. We're on YouTube.
Speaker 2:Apple iTunes are the same thing.
Speaker 1:They know what I meant.
Speaker 2:All right Till next time.
Speaker 1:Yes, clean your front yard and love hard. I don't know what that means.
Speaker 2:This is so weird.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:Okay, peace out.
Speaker 1:Happy holidays. Merry Christmas, all right, okay, peace out. Happy holidays.