Hello, and welcome back to cultivating growth. We want to thank you all for joining us this week. Our topic for the week is growing as a husband. Jeremy and I are going to be discussing the importance that we as men bear to grow in our role as a husband, to love our wives, to love our children and to lead our family.

So with that, let's get to it. 

Alright, John, there is a a reality that we have as followers of God that even when it comes to things like the family and understanding that God and his wisdom and really care for us has still give us, kind of give us boundaries to follow when it comes, you know, to the family. And we've talked about some of these things in the past, but, you know, it's important to kind of, you know, hit it again here that, you know, In these boundaries that he sets in place for the family, which he does for the husband, which we'll talk about today, for the wife, even for parents, for mothers and fathers, which we'll talk about next week a little bit, that he has established these boundaries, but at the same time to really have that understanding that each and every one of these boundaries is for the betterment.

It is what makes the best for a husband and a wife. and his wife. It is what makes the best for the wife and her husband, for the children and the parents. It is what is best for the family. And when we can kind of go at it that way and have an understanding like that, I think it helps  whenever we open up God's Word and we begin to see what God has to say specifically to husbands.

It does. And I think what you just said is really important to realize when we study the roles that God has given to husbands, to wives, to children, he has given us those roles so that the family unit can thrive. And can reach its full potential. And so as husbands, we have a responsibility to look into God's word and to see what it really has.

He instructed me to be what type of a leader in my home. Has he instructed me to be, how has he instructed me to live with my wife and to parent my children? And when I really begin to dig into that and I lean into the Those responsibilities that God's placed on my shoulders, I begin to thrive in my role as a husband, my wife can thrive in her role as a wife, we can thrive in our role as parents.

All of this elevates the family and it elevates each member of the family when we allow God to show us how each of us are supposed to thrive within that role. And I think so many times we have seen example after example in the world around us.  When people try to define those roles for themselves, and even maybe going a step further to push back on God's design of the family and establish their own design, what that has constantly led to, unfortunately, is the breakdown of the family unit.

And we, as husbands, you and I, as husbands to our wives, we have a responsibility to allow God to teach us. What is that role supposed to look like? How am I supposed to live with my wife? How am I supposed to treat her? And I do all of that because I want our relationship to thrive and be all that it can be.

And God has been gracious enough to leave for us.  of how we can go about doing that. Yeah, I mean, there's no question about that. I'm sure we're going to spend some time talking about what Paul has to say specifically in, you know, Ephesians chapter five and in talking about the role that the husband plays and even his responsibility.

in the family and in that relationship as the head of the wife. And so we'll talk about some of those things, but sometimes we get so quick to jump to those kinds of things, and certainly we'll talk about it, but I think it's important to really also take note from the very, very outset, you know, especially in Genesis chapter two, when God is kind of creating this relationship.

He has created Adam.  And Adam is there, kind of in creation, you know, seemingly on his own for a moment. And and God kind of presents him with some tasks of  making note of the animals and pieces of creation. And, you know, there is a moment where, you know, man has kind of an epiphany that he's not whole, there is something missing, that there is a need.

And ultimately God fills that need. And it's interesting that the way he fills that need is not just to create for him a mother or create for him a father, or even to create for him friends or children even, he creates for him a wife. That's what he gives to man to fill that need. And so I think when we think about Genesis chapter 2, and the teaching specifically about the husband and wife relationship, and that's what you have.

Even in making mention of there in creation, there is a mention of verse 24, specifically of chapter 2, that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will be one flesh. Now, that is specifically teaching about marriage. I mean, we've made, Adam didn't even have a mother or father, you know, at that moment.

So God is looking ahead, and he's making points about this relationship between the two. that he has just formed. And so for a husband to understand that God created this woman,  a wife, to fulfill a need, something that was missing, a helper even, in the text that is given to us, I think that foundation really goes a long way, even before we open passages like Ephesians chapter 5.

It does, and, you know, there is a  I don't know what the right word is. A concerning trend, perhaps, in our world today  that teaches young people an over importance, an over indexing on independence.  And there, don't get me wrong, there is a lot of value in teaching our children to be independent. That's something that is needed in this world. 

But if we go too far with that, then what we end up missing, or what they end up lacking, is a recognition that God did create man with a need. And that need, as you pointed out in Genesis chapter 2, was filled with a wife. And we need to make sure that as we teach our children, Now you can, you can live a godly life and a happy life as a single person.

That can be done. I don't, I don't want anybody to misunderstand what I'm saying,  but let's also not miss the fact that from the very beginning, when God created man and he put man in the garden, there was something missing.  And the only thing that could fulfill that need within that man's life was the woman that God made for him. 

We need to teach our children about God's perfect design and that a recognition of that need. is important and that that need can and should be filled only in the marriage relationship. And so as, as a husband today, raising three daughters of my own,  I want to teach them as they grow up that they are God's creation.

That hopefully one day, prayerfully, they will be able to fill that role for their future husbands. And that is a crucial role for, for them to fill. And, and men need that in their lives. I need my wife in my life. I would, I would be lost without her. She fulfills that need for me. And it's important for me as her husband to recognize that and then to respond in a loving manner.

And that's what much of the teaching in the New Testament around the role of a husband centers around is that sacrificial and selfless love for our wives. And I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are responding to them, fulfilling a need within our lives. And we are responding in selfless, sacrificial love, being forever grateful that they have fulfilled that need for us.

Yeah, I mean, that really kind of gives us a good segue into Ephesians chapter 5. You know, it is a passage,  almost the entire back half of that chapter, in talking about different roles that, you know, different pieces of the family can have. And even though there's a lot of, given to us in that passage, especially from verses 22, really into chapter 6 and verse 4.

Even though there was a lot there, and we can spend a long time talking about a lot of those things, it isn't a complicated passage. I mean, when you begin to look at it, it is really one thing that wives need to be you know, thinking about, one thing that husbands need to be considering, one thing that parents and children need to be, you know, considering.

But all of that is set up in Ephesians 5, verse 23. We made mention of this already. But Paul will reiterate that the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church. And what that should do for the husband  is to give us, as husbands, that sense of responsibility, not a sense of ego or a sense of, you know, selfishness  or a sense of lording over, if you will, but really a sense of responsibility that here is someone that God has given to me and said that I am responsible for this person.

And so the way I think that we can carry that responsibility is through then the love that's given to us here in this passage. And so you have specifically the very end of that chapter in verse 33, kind of a summary, if you will, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself. And he kind of then gives us a picture of what that love is, and we haven't done this a lot, but I thought it'd be helpful today.

I'd like to read 25 through 29, and then we'll kind of, you know, talk about the love, and specifically the love that the husband is to have for his wife. It's a telling piece, you know, given to us here in this passage. So Ephesians 5 and verse 25 Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church, gave himself for it.

He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. He might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but  nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the Church. And so, John, I'll kind of throw it back over to you. When it comes to, let each one of you love his own wife, in verse 33,  what is it from 25 through 29 that stands out in particular about the kind of love that God is calling every husband to have for his wife?

It's the standard in which our love is to be measured.  I think it reminds me of What Jesus says in, in the gospel of John, when he's talking about loving each other and he says you're to love each other the way that I have loved you. That's the standard that we're held to when it comes to our love for one another.

Well, as husbands, the standard for my love that I'm showing my wife, is Christ in the church. And there is no greater love that's ever been shown. He gave himself for the church in every way imaginable. He died for the church. He loved it. It is his It is his crown jewel. And that is the standard that I am to be held to when it comes to my love for my wife.

And that is a daunting standard, if I'm being honest with you. There is no higher standard to be held to. But I think that's the point. Our love for our wife is to be so sacrificial, so selfless, so extreme. And it's almost overwhelming to think about as part of the Lord's church. When I think about what Christ has done for me, it is overwhelming to consider.

And I want my wife to feel that way when it comes to the love that I showed her, that that love is overwhelming and that love is intended to lift her up and to elevate her Purify her and to exalt her again. That's what Christ's love for the church looks like. And so that's what really stands out to me is, is the standard that I'm being held to as a husband and, and it should make all husbands kind of sit up and take notice because that is very high standard.

But that's what God is calling us to. Yeah. And I think that is definitely what stands out. I mean, it would have been easy for, you know, to Paul to write here to the brethren in Ephesus and just make the point that, listen, husbands, you need to really love your wife. Right. I mean, he could have used, you know, whatever, You know, whatever word, you know, really, really, you know, he could have used multiple reallys.

But yeah, he does. He establishes this standard. And so when you begin to think about what Christ has done for the church, and not just giving himself for it, but the care then that he has provided, you start to understand, you know, verse 29. Nourishing and cherishing it just as the Lord does his church.

And so I think as a husband, one way, in a practical way, that we can really start to kind of think about and meditate the kind of love that we need to have for our wife is to then think about Jesus in the church, you know, consider those kinds of things. And I love the point that you make.  That it's easy for me to see, as part of the Lord's Church, all that Christ has done for me, that should be what my wife should be able to do easily.

Now, I don't have to search, in my mind,  for all of the good things that Jesus has done for me. done for, you know, for me as a part of his church. I don't have to strain to begin to think about what some of those things are. And that's what your wife should be. My wife should not have to strain to think about, you know, the kind of love that I have for her.

And it is that standard. It is the responsibility that is laid heavily upon the husband, and it is certainly one not to be taken lightly. And then I think the next question then becomes, well, okay, practically, what does that look like? It's one thing to talk about this kind of in theory,  but practically, what does that look like?

And, you know, there's an example of this in Deuteronomy 24, and we're not being held to this, This is part of the old law. We're not being held to this in any way, but as part of the old law in Deuteronomy 24 in verse five, one of the directives that was given to newly married husbands is that they were not to go into battle or to hold any type of official office or anything like that for one year after being married so that they could stay home and be with their wives.

And I, that, that's a, again, that that's something that was a part of the old law. That's not something that we are being held to today, but I think it does give us. Kind of a inside look at just how important time with our wives is. And that is one of the practical things that I think this world today in our culture today challenges us in as husbands, we can get very busy very quickly.

We're being pulled a lot of different directions. We have a lot of things vying for our attention.  One of the most important things we can do is spend time with our wives. And it sounds simple, but, but I think all of us could take inventory of times in our lives.  We've been spending a whole lot more time with other people, with other things, doing other things, involved in other things.

And time with our wives gets pushed to the back burner. And especially when children come into the picture, they demand a lot of our time and attention. And sometimes the time with just the husband and the wife is not enough. Can become almost non existent. And that passage in Deuteronomy 24 is a good reminder to us, I think, that God sees the value in time spent together.

And so we need to make sure that as husbands, we are protecting some time with our wives. That we are giving her our full attention and making sure that she feels that attention and that love from us. And we can only do that by being together. And so that's something we have to prioritize and protect.

And I mean, those are things that she needs. I mean, you know, we've talked about Genesis chapter 2. We've talked about Ephesians chapter 5. And in a lot of ways, that's what stands out, right? I mean, you had that in Genesis chapter 2 where God sees that man has a need and he fills that with the The wife, the wife is filling that need.

Well, a lot of it, of what Ephesians chapter 5 is, is alerting us as husbands to the needs of our wives and, you know, us being aware of that and fulfilling those needs. And that's what, this relationship is about in all the, in every way. And so we've got to be cognizant as husbands to all of those things about the needs of our wife and fulfilling those kinds of things.

Our motivation always under check. Our attitudes always under check. And so we'll close with this in Colossians chapter three. In Colossians chapter three, there's kind of a parallel passage to what we have in Ephesians chapter five. It still comes across very simple, very easy, and you have in Colossians chapter three in verse 19.

Teen husbands, love your wives, and motivator, be thinking, do not be bitter towards them.