This transcript was generated automatically and reviewed by Harper McDonald. Its accuracy may vary.
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Kit Hoover:
Welcome to the Coop with Kit. My name is Kit Hoover and I have been lucky enough in my 30 years in this business to interview some of the most iconic badass women out there. We all know that girlfriends give the best advice and they're all coming to the coop. We're talking career, marriage, kids, sex, aging, all of it. I truly believe we are just hitting our stride. Alright, my chickens, let's get into it.
Today we have a special summer treat for you. Our first author, Elin Hilderbrand. She's the queen of the beach read and the brilliant creative mind behind 30 bestselling novels all beautifully based in Nantucket. You may know her for the summer of 69 or the Nantucket Hotel, but now her well-known thriller, the perfect couple is finally being adapted for TV. For the first time with Nicole Kidman, we Cannot wait. This incredible woman conquered breast cancer, navigated divorce, faced many disappointments in her career and continues to rise to the top. She's a new empty nester or bird launcher as I like to call 'em, full of light hope, discipline, and on the cusp of her next chapter. Please welcome to the Coop Nantucket mama, Elin Hildebrand.
Hi Elin.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Hi Kit.
Kit Hoover:
First of all, I can't believe you're in your house. I feel like you're in a Nancy Meyers movie. Do you get that all the time?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Kind of, yeah.
Kit Hoover:
I was coming in blaring glory days. I know you love the boss.
Elin Hilderbrand:
I do.
Kit Hoover:
I feel like we're in our glory days. First of all, what is it that you love about the boss so much?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Well, so I grew up, I mean I'm 54 years old. I grew up outside Philadelphia and that was like boss adjacent, right? My growing up was very middle class suburban and it just felt like parts of it in high school just felt like it was plucked right out of a Bruce Springsteen song. But the great story about how I came to love him, my very first car date when I was a sophomore in high school, I got asked out by a senior and he had a car and he wanted to take me on a date and I was so excited. But I had a babysitting job that very same night and he said, what time will we be done babysitting? And I said, I don't know. Let me ask. So the guy that I was babysitting for was a single dad and he was going downtown to Philadelphia to the Spectrum to see for Springsteen. He was, I think at seven. I go, do you think you might be home before 10? And he was like, no chance sweetie.
Kit Hoover:
Not a chance in Hell
Elin Hilderbrand:
Yea. The boss played for three and a half hours. He got home at one in the morning and when he got home he was so amped up. He played on the turntable, born in the USA. It was a very romantic time in my life. I was just embarking in my first sort of boyfriend relationship and Bruce was tied into it. And so I always think of that story.
Kit Hoover:
Well, I guess two quick questions on that. Where's the senior that you had the date with and what happened to the cute dad playing the boss music?
Elin Hilderbrand:
I don't know. I lost track of the single dad, which is probably a good thing. And my boyfriend, I just went on tour for my book a couple of weeks ago and I was in Minneapolis and he came to my signing and he was in line with 300 women and he was like, yes, I am Elin's boyfriend from high school.
Kit:
That's so cool.
Elin Hilderbrand:
And everybody was laughing, but I said, it's true.
Kit Hoover:
I love that you're still friends with your friends from high school. I'm the same way with that. And what do your friends make of your success, Elin?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Yeah, I'm in touch with so many people from my past. Most importantly, I think my teacher's from elementary school where you
Kit Hoover:
Won the award, that's how you got your start writing,
Elin Hilderbrand:
Right? And all of my teachers from elementary school at one time or another, I think every single one has come and seen me sign and seen me speak. And so I've gotten to thank them, especially Lydia Buckwalter. She gave me the top author award in second grade and it was so poignant for me to be able to say to her I was seven. I don't think I was particularly talented, but you noticed that I had an enthusiasm for making up stories and you encouraged me and you gave me the top author award and it set me on my path. And that is the power of teachers.
Kit Hoover:
Elin, we always start the coop. One word to describe where you are in your life right now.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Let me think about the answer to this question. Where I am in my life right now is on the cusp, I hope, on the cusp of relaxation, which is not one word, but I'm on the cusp. But let's just use that word, right? I'm on the cusp of the next chapter. So whatever that is, I finished with the Nantucket summer books, so happy to be done. And the reason kit is because it was so much pressure to continue to put out a book that was a very high quality beach book year after year on a tiny island like this. And I was so happy to be done. So I'm on the cusp of something new tomorrow morning, the trailer for my Netflix show, the Perfect Couple will come out
Kit Hoover:
With Nicole Kidman and Liev Shriver,
Elin Hilderbrand:
Nicole Kidman and Liev and Dakota Fanning and Megan Fahe and e Houston, and so many more people. I mean, the cast is so amazing. I've waited 24 years to have one of my books made into something on TV or the movies. My very first book got optioned by Aaron Spelling, but then nothing happens because that happened in my first book. I thought, oh, this is what always happens. And then nothing happened for years and years and years. And the road that the perfect couple took was so windy and twisty and that if you'd told me even in 2018 you have to wait another six years till you see something on the screen, I would've been like, are you kidding me? But I'm so happy because the moment has...
Kit Hoover:
But it’s here and it's a right time. Thinking back to your career, I like the slow burn. And when you talked about your first books came out, first of all, getting published is a huge deal, but you talk about not hitting till later. Take me about that time. For anybody that's listening, that's maybe starting something up. I'm impatient, I want everything now, but I think it allowed you that growth and each of your books just kept topping the next. You never Mailed in a Lemon, my friend.
Elin Hilderbrand:
And that was really important to me too. My first five books were with my first publisher, who I will not name. They were with my first publisher and none of them did. Well, they sold in the mid four figures, numbers of copies, and yet they kept giving me contracts. Well, I was a mid-list author. They didn't really put any money behind me. And then after my fifth book, my literary agent, who I've been with now for 25 years, moved me to Little Brown and Little Brown believed in me and they took a chance and they put a lot of money in the marketing, but their growth pattern was slow and steady and it was book by book, summer by summer, year by year, a little bit better every, and I climbed that bestseller list between 2006. I did not hit number one until 2019. It took 13 years for me at Little Brown to get from point A to point B. But I got to the top and every book has debuted at number one since then. And I knew
Kit Hoover:
Because everybody thinks, I think when they know you or they see you, they just think, oh my gosh, this beautiful woman on Nantucket writes these bestsellers. And I don't think people ever realized the struggle back in the day early on, did you ever think about quitting?
Elin Hilderbrand:
God no.
Kit Hoover:
Love that.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Absolutely not. It was in my blood, it was my job, it was what I did. I did not have delusions of grander. I was happy that I was publishing books. I was happy even with my first five when they weren't doing well. I was frustrated. I felt like I wanted more readers, but I didn't know how to get them and my publisher wasn't helping me. So I was frustrated by that. But I never considered quitting. I never considered quitting. And I just kept at it and Nantucket was really working and I'm like, okay, I'm going to keep going. And I was raising my children and living my life and everything was copy as Nora Efron said. So I was just sort of living my life and every new restaurant and every new experience and every story that people told me, it all sort of went into my satellite dish. And then I had no problem for years and years coming up with ideas. And then in the recent years, I just thought, I've already done that. I've already done that, I've already done that. And so that's when I decided I had to put an end to the Nantucket books as I had been producing them.
Kit Hoover:
You and I are the same age. There's something so wonderful about the trajectory of the evolution. I was talking to my producer before we went on, I was like, oh, I love Elin's doing the Art of the Pivot. And she's like, no, she's not pivoting. You keep evolving. Yours is such a fluid path. And going back to the beginning, John Irving came to speak with you at your school and he said to the whole class, if you can do anything other than writing, do it. So why do you write? Take me on the inside. As a non-writer.
Elin Hilderbrand:
I mean, I can't do anything else. I have no other skills, but it's just in my blood and I have the bug and I'm always going to be writing whether or not I get published. And that I think is what he meant. I think he meant if you can be fulfilled personally any other way than by writing, do it. Because writing is so hard and so many people fail and even published writers fail, and even writers who are super successful and get to number one, it took me 24 years to get to Hollywood. I mean, I could not get it. I could not get anything made and why. I just thought, why? Why? But I kept going and every new project sort of brought me closer to what I wanted to do.
Kit Hoover:
What's the beauty about a beach read?
Elin Hilderbrand:
I think the beauty of my books is that it really allows people to escape. I've had women write to me and tell me how they're in the chemo chair and they're reading my books. Or I had a woman just on tour who miscarried at 30 weeks, had a stillborn at 30 weeks, and she held my hands and she said, the only way I got through it was with your books. And it is so humbling to me to hear people say things like that. I had a woman say that her mother was dying. She was in hospice, and she read her mind novel, the Identicals as she passed. And I thought, okay, the last thing that woman heard on this earth was about the twins, Harper and Tabitha and the Vineyard. But it allowed her to escape both the daughter and the mother to escape to a place that was happy and carefree and you're caring about other people's dramas and you're involved in other people's lives. And if it allows you to just slip away from a reality that's a little bit more difficult, then that's where I found my purpose all of these years.
Kit Hoover:
How beautiful is that now that you're writing with your daughter now? I have three kids, 22, 21 and 17. And Elin, we all know if adult kids want to do anything with you, this is the golden ticket, my friend. You've made it right?
Elin Hilderbrand:
You would die laughing. She had the manuscript last week, it was her final read before we turn it in. She's reading it. She's like, no, no, no. She's like, mom, it's a mess. And she's going through it. She's like, she changing things and I don't sound like I'm 16.
Kit Hoover:
So the lingo, it's the
Elin Hilderbrand:
Lingo and the music, and I'm trying to use words low key. She's like, no, you are never to say this again. She's like, this is so cringey. And I was dying laughing. I'm like, this is so funny.
Kit Hoover:
But wait, let's tell her listeners though. So the new series is based on a boarding school. What is it going to be called?
Elin Hilderbrand:
It's called the Academy.
Kit Hoover:
It’s called The Academy. Yep. You said when you were coming up with the idea that when your daughter was at boarding school, she called you and once she was kind of getting in the swing of things, she was dropping these nuggets to you that just, you were like, holy cow. So give me three of the craziest things she said that had your jaw on the floor.
Elin Hilderbrand:
So she went to a boarding school and at one point, I mean there was a love triangle. I don't want to get too involved.
Kit Hoover:
Okay, yeah. Don't get me any secrets.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Funny, there was a love triangle, two boys and a girl. There was an orgy at one point, there was an orgy that was this past year. She's like, oh, let me tell you about the orgy. And I'm like, oh my God, that's going to have to go in book two. I don't even have the bandwidth for book one. And then there was a quote, attempted murder, which it sounds worse than it is, but I mean the story is so crazy. But I use that story in the academy. So when you read it, you'll find out what I mean, why attempted murder. I'm like the poor people that work there have to deal. You never know what's going to happen on any given day with you've got 350 teenagers,
Kit Hoover:
Adolescents
Elin Hilderbrand:
Together
Kit Hoover:
Coming into that time of their life. And by the way, I learned a word. So the three thing is called a throuple, right?
And there's this show Euphoria, which I watch one episode and I was like, oh my gosh, this is all new territory. Right. Well, I just think that is so cool to do with her. I know what a good mom you are. We have a mutual friend, the great Lulu Powers, and she just raves about you. And I love how present you are with all of your kids. Did you always want to be a mom?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Oh yes. Oh yes. I think I did. I think I always wanted to be a mom. I was a little concerned about how will I be a writer and have these children and that when I look back hit, I don't know how I did it, honestly. I know when my boys were young babies, I would put them down for a nap at the same time, and then I would line with them and I would write in a notebook. And then they got older and they had sports, and I would go to their baseball games and I would take my notebooks and I would write during the baseball is so boring. I would write during the baseball games, but I learned to adapt to their schedule. And anytime there was free time, I would work. And of course, raising children gives you an enormous amount of material as well. I had nannies in the summer and that gave me an enormous amount of material. Yes, I wasn't consciously looking for things to write about. I was living my life here on Nantucket and it all just sort of presented itself.
Kit Hoover:
Kind of take us in a day in the life. What time do you wake up a day in the life when you're writing?
Elin Hilderbrand:
When 'm writing, which is every day. So even today, so I wake up super early, so I get up at five and from five until seven, I do a number of things. A lot of times I do prep for dinner for the night and I make the kids' lunch and I clean up,
Kit Hoover:
Okay, stop right there. You're already incredible. Good Lord. I was like, oh God, you're just super. Okay, you're going to make me want to be better. Continue. You're effing awesome.
Elin Hilderbrand:
I do my cooking projects. That's normally five to six. Sometimes I have to run to the grocery store. The grocery store here opens at five, and then I get home. And then from six to seven I will normally sit down and do some work on my writing. Sometimes it's typing in what I've written in my notebooks, and then I get on the Peloton at seven, then I go do what I call my jogging, which is somewhere between a walk and a jog. And for an hour
Kit Hoover:
You're anchor manning it.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Love this anchor manning it. And then I go to my bar class from 9 30, 10 30, and then at 10 30 I'm done. And from 10 30 on a perfect day, from 10 30 until five 30, I'll come home or go to the beach and I will take my notebooks and I will write and I will read and I will take a nap and I will eat my lunch. But that work for me if I'm reading it's work because I consider myself a reader first. When I'm writing a book, I try to get three hours of composing a day.
Kit Hoover:
So very disciplined. Here's what I think. Everybody has this grandiose idea that I'm going to be a writer and do this. You are a disciplined person. But wait back to the running because I was reading about because I'm a runner as well. It is my religion. It is where I come up with all my good and bad ideas. What does running do for you?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Oh my gosh. First of all, it's the discipline that sets up my day. Getting on the Peloton is hard, and I really worry. I mean, I get gone for 45 minutes and I'm dripping sweat, but I always say to myself, this is the hardest thing you're going to do today. So anything else that I'm doing is going to be easier physically than getting on the Peloton. And then the running is what I call my green exercise. I'm outside and it doesn't matter if it's summer or winter, whatever, I'm outside. I'm breathing air. And I think you're right, Kathy, your brain operates differently when you're exercising. I know I'm very privileged to be able to do it, but I've always taken it and used it as a discipline that sets up the rest of my day
Kit Hoover:
On Peloton. Do you put your real name in because you're super famous? I do. And your fans are fanatical. Okay. Do you get crazy high fives the whole time?
Elin Hilderbrand:
All the time, yeah.
Kit Hoover:
Yes. What time do you go to bed?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Well, I like to be in bed optimally. I like to be in bed at nine. Now you've been here in the summer. So from knowing the Power Sisters that Nantucket social life in the summer is nonstop. So I'm home tonight and then I think I'm out nine of the next 10 nights. It is a lot of socializing. I consider it honestly part of my work because I have all these people that I can only see in the summer and I need to connect with them while they're here.
Kit Hoover:
By the way, your life is a movie. I can see it right now, a Nancy Meyers classic. It can be shot in your own house!
Elin Hilderbrand:
Yeah, I know. I mean, I bought this house when I got divorced in 2015. And every stick of wood, every stone, every brick has been replaced. It was the money pit and I redid every single room very carefully and thoughtfully, and it's taken seven years. So in this way it's a lot like my career. It's just been very slow. And then finally it has finished.
Kit Hoover:
I love where you are in your life right now. And you mentioned the divorce and wow, it is not for the faint of heart. Any tools you can share with our listeners on navigating, because the beautiful thing with your book Swan Song, it's dedicated to your husband and you wrote the most beautiful thing in the beginning. I will end where I begin. This book is for Chip with friendship and profound gratitude. That really moved me. Elin, describe the process and how you got to be at this stage. Well,
Elin Hilderbrand:
Well, I mean, of course it takes a while because when you get divorced, regardless, somebody's angry and there's a lot of things to fight about. You can fight about the kids, you can fight about money, you can fight about the house and Chip and I had all those fights. I want to say this weird thing, which is the things that make a successful marriage also make a successful divorce, which is mutual respect and communication and Chip and I had those things in our divorce. We were respectful of each other. He's always been respectful of my work and my job, my career, and we've always been really good at communicating and we get older and then it's like being angry makes no sense. You also have to put the kids first, and people say that all the time, but you actually have to put them first and put your own needs aside and say what is going to benefit the three humans that we have created together and brought into this world, and how do we get them ahead? And Chip and I have, we talk every single day. I talk to 'em at length every day.
Kit Hoover:
That's the same time every day or it's just a fluid?
Elin Hilderbrand:
No, not always. No. He just calls me. And we also, we live on an island that's very small, so I see him all the time and we're friends. We're best friends basically. And we talk all the time and we are very, very lucky. And I consider him my family and my emergency contact and all of those things.
Kit Hoover:
Again, I think I just so applaud both of you for getting there. And when you mentioned living on the tiny island, I didn't know he was still there. So can you date, that's a small island. How does that work, Elin?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Yeah, I was at a party last Tuesday and he was there and everybody bumped into me and kind of like, I'm like, who is that? And I turned around and it was, he's being funny. And yeah, I don't know. It's funny. Nantucket is small and sometimes I see him in the parking lot at the grocery store. It's just funny and it is great and it's wonderful. And the kids, our kids aren't perfect. And so we always have a lot of conversations about getting them out of the various jams that they're in and financial and otherwise.
Kit Hoover:
I like that. I always say my kids are wild and my mom bug corrects me. She goes, no, they're vibrant. And we always say the Southern saying, I like kids that are full of fleas. I need them lively and doing stuff. Okay, wait, how was it getting back out there dating after all these years?
Elin Hilderbrand:
It's been challenging. I've only had one relationship since Chip and I split. I have a lot of friends who are single and I'm watching how they're navigating it and I'm thinking to myself, is that going to be me? I don't know how to make, I don't know. I'm actually the last person you want to ask because as far as dating goes, I'm sort of lost. And I also am one of those people who's like, I never want to get married again. And I don't know if other people feel that way, but some Christie Turlington or somebody said, Linda Evangela said, I don't want to hear anybody breathing next to me.
Kit Hoover:
Or chewing.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Or chewing. And I may be proved wrong down the road, but right now I am saying to myself, I am never getting married again and that's where I am. So stay tuned. I could be on the cusp of something big. Who knows.
Kit Hoover:
On the cusp. Exactly on the cusp. There it goes. I just think that's so cool. There's something too with women, I mean your own success, you've got your own thing going on your own house this time is perfect in your life right now I think.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Yes, exactly. Oh my god, I can't go on Tinder. I can't do the things that normal people do. So famous.
Kit Hoover:
By the way, Elin, when I come to Nantucket, I'm going to give you the dates. We are going out. We're so going to go. Let's go on an app for just the night, the one where they know you're close and let's play. That's Grindr. That might be the gay one. I dunno what you're going, I don't know, but we're going to have fun. I'm going to be your wingman. This is going to be great. This is going to be great. Something I did not know about you before this interview and I was just so sad to hear about you losing your dad at age 16 and a plane crash. Elin, any advice on navigating grief? And I was thinking you were so young at the time.
Elin Hilderbrand:
I was. It's so funny. I look at kids now and the internet has all the good things and all the bad things, but at least everyone growing up now at least has some place where they can ask questions, questions and look for advice or other people who are in similar situations.
Kit Hoover:
Or a support room or something.
Elin Hilderbrand:
And I had none of that. And so we were all gobsmacked and I have four siblings really close in age and really close. And when my father died, I mean the world ended. I mean the world ended and I am 16 years old and I was still dating the guy from the Bruce Springsteen guy. He was in college though at that point. I will tell you, we just muddled through. My mom had me go to a therapist. I don't think I did a good job with the grief. I was 16 and I didn't have any resources other than my therapist was great, but it was really, really hard. And you're Gen X, so you understand Gen X people just did it. We just did it. We just toughed it out, right, because we didn't have anybody showing us better
Kit Hoover:
Ways, the better ways. No, you didn't really talk about it. When do you feel your dad the most?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Oh, all the time. But when I'm in the car and I hear certain songs like John Fogerty Center Field or I hear Hot Flooded by Foreigner, that was one of his favorite. When I'm in the car and I hear Bridge Over Troubled Water was our very special song that he sang to me. If I hear those songs, then I know he's around. I'm like, okay, he's here.
Kit Hoover:
What would he think of your success? I'm not even talking about your books, I'm talking about you as the woman that you are right now.
Elin Hilderbrand:
I think he would be so proud of me. I mean, he was proud of me. Just on the Daily, I'll tell you this great story. I don't think I've ever told anybody this story. The summer before he died, he died in November summer before he died, I was 16 and I went to his office. He was a lawyer in downtown Philadelphia and he had me to his office because his secretary was on vacation and he needed help. So I got dressed up and went to his law office and we were going out to lunch and we were in the elevator and one of his colleagues said, oh, this is your daughter. Does she want to be a lawyer? And he said, no, she is far too talented. She's going to be a writer.
Kit Hoover:
What's neat starting with your second grade teacher? The validation of hearing that I think is so important, especially for women and Gen Xers our age, right? Speaking of writing, I think a lot of our listeners are so inspired by you creating your own life and destiny. You are your own boss, you set your hours, you've created this beautiful art, and you continue to evolve with it. Any advice for women? I dunno about you, but I get so many women coming up to me, how do I get back in the game or how do I do this? Any advice you could share?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Everybody's path is so different, but when people come up to me and they want to know what the path is to succeed, I'm like, you have to find your own individual way. The reason why I'm successful is because somehow I ended up on Nantucket. I mean, it's amazing to me that this happened to me and that I ended up on Nantucket and that I found somebody who wanted to build a life on Nantucket. And then I decided to write about Nantucket. And somehow nobody had ever done that before. No one had ever written a series of books set on Nantucket before and somehow the world was ready for it. So I mean, I just feel like you have to be open, know yourself and then be open to possibility.
Kit Hoover:
I also think though the hard work you dedicated, it's discipline. It's discipline, right? And I like what you say about being a mom because I think balance is a four letter word. There's just no such thing. These women, you can't have it all at the same time. And what's your quote about mothers being good enough? You had something great that you said, well,
Elin Hilderbrand:
I think this was something my therapist said, you don't have to be a good mother, you just have to be good enough. And there were days good enough. I was only good enough for sure days when I was only good enough. One of the great things about where I am now, all of my children are living with me is that I just spend time bothering them and making sure that they're getting to work on time and that they're eating. I am able to be present for them in a way that maybe I wasn't 15 years ago when I was traveling for work or trying to do all these book events and I missed a lot of stuff.
Kit Hoover:
By the way. Bullshit. You say good enough by you're up at 5:00 AM making the dinner. So I was like, I got to kick up my game, Elin, we're loving that at the coop. I love how passionate you are about highlighting other writers and it's so organic and there's a true excitement and when my kids, all three of them have that quality too, I love when they're so excited for their friend's success. Have you always been like that?
Elin Hilderbrand:
I can't tell. So I love to say, oh yes, it's in me. I'm a naturally generous person that way. I'm not sure that's true. I feel like once you attain a certain level of confidence and security, right? I am secure at this point in my own writing and my own books enough to be like, and I felt this way for years and years that, okay, I'm fine. I don't need to promote myself all the time. I can take time away and promote other people that I'm enjoying. There's also a way in which I'm always a reader first and I'm reading way more than my own stuff. I'm reading constantly all the time. You can see my books all behind me, but my bedside table is stacked and then the opposite side is stacked. Just books, books, books. I'm always reading. Reading is such an important thing to me and I love talking about the books that I read and so that it feels very organic. Do I have professional jealousy kit? Of course I do. Do I look at certain writers whom I will not name and think, God, why does she have all this success and not me? Yeah, I mean there are definitely moments where I do have professional jealousy and I would be lying if I said that I didn't, but that's not my default. My default is I'm doing great. I'm so grateful for what I have and let me, especially if it's new and aspiring writer, let me put this out in front of my readers.
Kit Hoover:
I love your honesty with that. Jumping ahead now to the movie, Elin. So what's it been like? Were you on set? Have you watched the first cut? What does it feel like to see your art in motion?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Okay. It was crazy town. Okay, so the first I went to set twice, so I went to set the first time last May, and it was a little dicey. It was right at the beginning of the writer strike, so my showrunner wasn't there. And so they were going along anyway and it was in Chatham on the Cape and it was these enormous trucks with these huge lights and hundreds of people running around with their headsets and the actors coming in and the director was there and I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God, I can't believe this all came from me sitting in my study where I'm sitting right now and writing a novel and then now it's like this enormous production. Then I went out to LA and the very beginning of January and I watched the shooting of the last scenes and Nicole was there and Wait,
Kit Hoover:
How was that?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Oh, she's amazing.
Kit Hoover:
She’s incredible.
Elin Hilderbrand:
She is everything you want her to be. This woman is, she's so beautiful. She's far more beautiful upfront in front of you in person than she is on the screen even. She so beautiful. She's so smart. She's so savvy. She's so funny. She's so naughty. She's so just fun girlfriend. So fun. I love her so much. I got to see all the inside sets and I'm like, I cannot believe all this time and energy and money has been spent bringing my book to life.
Kit Hoover:
It is mind boggling. I really think your story is remarkable and we didn't even touch on because there's so much other stuff. Your breast cancer, right after you filed for divorce, then you get diagnosed with breast cancer. I hate this disease with a passion. Six of my bridesmaids have been diagnosed from all over the country. One of my best friends just came back stage four triple negative. Oh no. Yeah, knock on wood, she's going to be good. What helped you when you found out you were diagnosed with it?
Elin Hilderbrand:
I found out right before my novel. The matchmaker came out and I had my double mastectomy I think three days after the book came out. And that was just the timing that had to happen because of that was the timing. I told all of my readers, and that's really when my readers and I became best friends. Yes, they showed up in the biggest way. I mean letters and people send me pocket gardens and Christmas ornaments and it scarves. And of course my community here in Nantucket and I had just gone through a divorce, but I mean my ex-husband was there for me. I didn't lift a finger. So Nantucket is a community, is always really good with that. I had a double mastectomy and then 12 days later I flew to Chicago to do two events. And the reason I did them is because I didn't want to say I was too sick to go.
I was mentally like, I'm going to go regardless. And I went and I had still had drains in and I was on Oxy and I was just an absolute mess. And I did the first event, which I barely remember. And then the second event was a brown bag luncheon and there were these two women in the front and neither of them had any hair. And I kept my eyes, kept drawing to them. And then when they came through my line, they said, we've both had double mastectomies together. We've been through 36 rounds of chemo and 64 rounds of radiation and we came today to tell you that you're going to be fine. And I thought to myself, okay, these women are sicker than I am. And they made it to my book signing and they were both smiling and so in some way they passed me a baton because they were like, this is what we do when people who survive this disease. Then we go on and we tell other people, we pass on the hope and cancer, I mean obviously takes something away, but it gives you something back. And that is this community of women and then this new appreciation of course for your own life.
Kit Hoover:
God, that gave me chills passing on the hope. I'm going to share that with my girlfriend. Let's play a little game. Elin, are you ready for this? Oh, I love this. Okay. What's the weirdest question or request a fan has ever asked of you?
Elin Hilderbrand:
I had a guy ask me to propose to his girlfriend in Savannah, Georgia. He was going to propose to her at my book signing at my talk. At the end of my talk, I paused and I said, does anybody else have any questions? And I think the guy's name was Michael and he raised his hand and I said, yes, sir, you. And he said, I don't have a question for you. I have a question for my girlfriend. And I said, oh, then he proposed, but I knew it was going to happen. That's cute. So it was so yeah.
Kit Hoover:
Elin, here we go. What scares you?
Elin Hilderbrand:
What scares me? My children Getting in an accident or getting hurt or getting sick or getting badly broken up with heartbreak will
Kit Hoover:
Guilty secret. Guilty pleasure.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Secret guilty pleasure. If I have free time, I love to read cookbooks that might not seem like a guilty pleasure, but for me, I will stand at a counter and read cookbooks and for me that is a guilty pleasure.
Kit Hoover:
What do you post on Instagram sometime? You have your funny cooking show. It's called something. I have
Elin Hilderbrand:
My cringe Cooking show.
Kit Hoover:
I've got my birth and death casserole that I'll have to share with you on that. It's a casserole. You can use it for either birth or death. It's the best thing ever. It's a chicken pot pie. Oh yes. I'll send you the rest. Yeah, it brings the house down. Okay, good. Don't worry about the ingredients.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Okay, I'm going to it. I'm going to make it on cringe. Perfect.
Kit Hoover:
Okay, I'm going to give Good. How do you blow off steam?
Elin Hilderbrand:
So I would say that I normally do it in my exercising, but that is almost too nerdy. So let's say my favorite way to blow off steam is to go to the chicken box. I don't know if you went there Kit when you came to Nantucket?
Kit Hoover:
I not love the box? I will be on your shoulders at the box when I arrive
Elin Hilderbrand:
And I like to stand in the front row, you will never find me anywhere. But in the front row, Corona, I always get two Coronas. That's a hack. You got to get two because fighting through the crowd to get the second one is such a pain. I will have two Coronas, I'll be in the front row. I'll be screaming and singing to the band and doing my terrible dancing.
Kit Hoover:
Last time I was at the box, and again, I'm about to turn 54, you and I the same age. I'm not impressed by this. I'm not proud of this Elin, but I'd had a bunch of Coronas. I think I had six at a time, and I, Pete Rose dove under somebody's legs and chipped my tooth. And yes, I'm a mother of three. Oh no, it's been fixed. Oh my God. So I can't wait to go there with you. Do you have any tattoos?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Yes, I have a tattoo on the back of my neck that is the breast cancer ribbon and it says hashtag mama strong.
Kit Hoover:
How soon after your treatment did you get all that?
Elin Hilderbrand:
I got it in 2016. So I waited because when did I finish treatment? I finished treatment in 2015. So then in 2016 I got it, and the reason I got it on the back of my neck is because I wanted to control. I always have had long hair and I wanted to control who could see it. And I said that to my daughter. She went to see Taylor Swift in London a couple weeks ago, and it was 10 o'clock here and three o'clock in the morning in London. And she sent me a text. She said, okay, we're leaving the bar. She's 18. So that was legal. She's like, we're leaving the bar and I'm going to go get a tattoo. Nope. And I'm like, hold on sister, hold on. I said, where is it going? Because they're your babies. This is their perfect skin. Right? She didn't, she did not end up, didn't get it, the tattoo. But when she came home, I said, you got to be so, so careful.
Kit Hoover:
I had the same, my daughter called me from Ireland. She said, you said I could get a shamrock on my caboose. I'm like, I lied, I lied. Just hold off. Yeah, we'll discuss weirdest thing in your purse right now.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Okay, let's see. What is it? Hold on.
Kit Hoover:
Oh, this is great. Elin's got her purse.
Elin Hilderbrand:
I have my purse right here next to me. The weirdest thing in my purse. I have the key to Mitchell's book corner on Nantucket.
Kit Hoover:
I wish. Let's describe to our listeners. Everybody's just listening. What is the thing? Is that a paper clip? Oh, it's a
Elin Hilderbrand:
Shoe. No, it's a little doc sider. Oh my goodness.
Kit Hoover:
I couldn't see it little. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Little boat shoe, key chain. So on brand, so on brand and I keep the bookstore key in my purse because sometimes if they need signed copies, I will take the key and I will go to Mitchell's and I'll sign from five to six in the morning.
Kit Hoover:
Every year when I'm on Nantucket, I see the line outside for your book. What's cool is of course everybody in Nantucket loves you and sort of people like me that go, but people travel all over now to Nantucket just to come see you and feel your island. What does that mean to you?
Elin Hilderbrand:
It's amazing. I sign every Wednesday at 11 and we've had to limit it to 130 people. And a lot of people are like, we came to Nantucket because we read your books. And it's such synchronicity for them to be able to like, okay, I'm on Nantucket, I'm visiting the places from these books and I'm going to go meet the woman that wrote the books and we're all on n untuck it together. It's so great.
Kit Hoover:
And they dress. I love if you have a book signing where they dress, I wore this pink lily dress for you. I just think it's so neat that you'll do a color theme or some sort of theme. And again, the unity that you're providing with this community, it is just, it's unmatched. The Hilderbabes.
Elin Hilderbrand:
We're in. Yeah, when I toured across the country in June and they all had color themes and I started that in 2019, I believe because it creates a sense of unity in the line. And then the pictures look so much better when everybody's in the same color.
Kit Hoover:
Yeah,
Elin Hilderbrand:
I'm surprised more people don't do that
Kit Hoover:
Wildest celeb Nantucket party that you've thrown or been to any good tea you can spill. I just feel like you know everybody, Elin.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Yeah, no, I know everybody. I'm just going to shout out truly the best entertainer, the person who throws the best parties on Nantucket, and you already know what I'm going to say is Lulu Powers, she calls herself the enterologist.
Kit Hoover:
And
Elin Hilderbrand:
Because she has entertaining literally down to a science, and I can't describe the elegance, but cool funkiness of the way she does appetizers, she'll take a board and she'll just smear it with cheese and then she'll have all these awesome looking vegetables and crackers around it in this really artsy way. And the flowers are always gorgeous and the food is always divine and she does it all herself. And the sneaky, which is what she calls the cocktails,
Kit Hoover:
Her sneaky are the best. And she's so effortless about it. It's just who Lulu is. Effortless. What advice would you give your younger self?
Elin Hilderbrand:
What's so great? I mean, in some ways I would say that my younger self did not need any advice because I ended up exactly where I wanted to be. But there was a lot of heartache, not so much heartbreak, but a lot of heartache along the way. And I think I would've said to myself, long VOL, long view keep a long view. My friend Debbie, I love my friend Debbie, but she has known since age 30 what she wants her grandchildren to call her. I can barely, I'm always focused on today, so I don't think about what I want my grandchildren to call me. But I think there have been times where I would've said long view and just patience.
Kit Hoover:
I like that answer. Fill in this blank. Aging is what?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Aging is a double-edged sword because on the one hand kit, I'm not going to lie, getting older, I feel fantastic too. I feel better than I have in probably my whole life and in my heart. I'm 17 years old. But there are obviously things about aging that are not great. You lose your muscle mass and your face falls off your skull. But it's like, okay, also, the things that you gain, the wisdom and the self-knowledge and the self-awareness and the clear vision and the things that you could have so benefited from when you were 32 or even 36 or 42, you now have. And so with every year in theory, you become a better version of yourself emotionally and intellectually, but then physically does not always go along with that. So I think it's a double-edged sword.
Kit Hoover:
But I love what you said. It's sort of what the coop, why I did this podcast is again, us being the same age. I've never felt more vibrant and alive and smart and creative and yeah, the rest is going to shit. Maybe the body. Right? Right. The crepey neck and the eyelids are Dr. One day, my stylist at work was like, open your eye. I'm like, no, it's open. I was like, it's open. That lid got real heavy. So no, I love this point of where we are. And I think for women back in our day, no one was really talking about this at our age. It was sort of we were dried up and old. And I feel like now, yeah, we are. I was going to say wet and wild, but that just sounded bad.
Elin Hilderbrand:
That's so funny. I always say to myself, if Jennifer Aniston is still the most beautiful woman in the world, which she is.
Kit Hoover:
Agree.
Elin Hilderbrand:
If she is our age, we're fine. Right? Yes. She's 54, 55 years old. Gorgeous.
Kit Hoover:
I'm getting her on the coop and I'm going to play that bite for her. I love that. Okay, good. Okay, the final thing, we wrap up the coup. What makes you happy, Elin?
Elin Hilderbrand:
Oh gosh. So many things make me happy. My morning tea makes me happy. But I think the thing that makes me the happiest, the absolute happiest is being in a confined space with my children, being in the same room with my kids. And I always hate going on tour. I have to be away from them and they completely destroy my house. But I had this one moment right before I went on tour and all of them were in the kitchen and some of them had their girlfriends there and I'm like, I don't want to leave. I just want to stay in the kitchen with the kids. And they're adults and they have opinions and they're funny and they tease each other and it's so awesome. The thing that gives me the most happiness is being with
Kit Hoover:
My kids. I get it. Elin, so nice to meet you. I'm so glad we're friends now. Thank you. I'll see you when I'm out there. Just congrats. You did this for yourself. Oh, by the way, I was laughing with my producer Harper when I was texting to you and I was like, oh my God, I use giant exclamation points. You're like the greatest writer and I must like the biggest moron. Oh my gosh. I just love exclamation points. Were you cringed out by my text? Was it too? No.
Elin Hilderbrand:
Oh my gosh. I love big explanation. They make me happy too Kit! Exclamation Points!
Kit Hoover:
Well, love and light my friend. Thank you. I love you. Congrats.
Wow, I can't wait to get to Nantucket, but right now I want to bring in my producer Harper McDonald. What about this renegade badass who created this whole life for herself?
Harper McDonald:
She's known since she was very young that this is what she was supposed to do. Never quit, never gave up.
Kit Hoover:
Jealous of that.
Harper McDonald:
I know. Just such clarity around all of it. And then ultimately with all the disappointments, with all the slow burn, waited for decades for not just bestsellers to come about, but also for the miniseries to be made for the perfect couple. And she just sort of had this clear faith and knowledge the whole time that it was going to come together and she just had to keep going. I loved that.
Kit Hoover:
And since I have young adults now that are starting to adult in the world, what about her taking that leap and moving to Nantucket, living in somebody's boarding house and then deciding to move there? What a risk that paid off and creating this whole life for herself. I just think that is something movies are made of.
Harper McDonald:
That's exactly right. I know it should be made up for her life. She just knew that she was drawn. She knew that's where she was supposed to be,
Kit Hoover:
But she's also disciplined. Have you ever met somebody as disciplined? What about when we asked her her schedule? She is incredible.
Harper McDonald:
She is not just grocery shopping at 5:00 AM but she's food prepping at 5:00 AM I mean, I looked at you and I'm like, oh my.
Kit Hoover:
I said, you are a Super Woman.
Harper McDonald:
Literally not on my best day. Not even on my best best day.
Kit Hoover:
And then she said, Peloton. I'm like, well, that's good. She's like, no. And then I go run an hour and a half. Then I go to bar,
Harper McDonald:
She goes, yogging. She goes, yogging. And then she bars and then she comes home and writes for six hours. I mean, she is like, could I please come back as Elin in my next life?
Kit Hoover:
We need to be Elin. How about pen to paper that she actually writes? I just think that's so cool. Old school Harper makes fun to be out there buddy. Because I'm technologically challenged. Harper. She's one of my people. Although she does put it on the computer.
Harper McDonald:
She does. She does. It makes so much sense to me that that would really resonate with you.
Kit Hoover:
What else did you take? What about the grief with her dad? I feel like in a spiritual way, it's guided her to where she is. And it's interesting that what meant the most to her growing up with her dad on the beach is what her books are based from. At least the location.
Harper McDonald:
thought it was staggering how honest she was on two things. How honest she was about that. She actually never processed the grief. I think that that's our
Kit Hoover:
…Generation didn't do that.
Harper McDonald:
And then the other thing that really stuck with me is when you were talking, she admits that she has professional jealousy. Elin Hildebrand has professional jealousy.
Kit Hoover:
I like that. And yet as giving as she is to all these other
Harper McDonald:
Authors, unbelievably
Kit Hoover:
Generous.
Harper McDonald:
That was so honest. It is so honest because it's real. I mean for everyone to say that they don't sort of wistfully look across the way and say like, huh, that'd be nice. But as it's come to bear for her, it's all coming together. So I love that about her.
Kit Hoover:
It’s what the coop's about. It's sort of like where you sit in your life right now and where she is right now. Empty nester. I call it bird launching. Did you see her house? It looks Just like the movie.
Harper McDonald:
It's out of a movie
Kit Hoover:
Something’s Got To Give. All her girlfriends, she's really not looking for a man.
Harper McDonald:
She's just independent and so happy in her life. She's creating, she's still nesting with all of her kids around. When they are around, she feels so fulfilled. Yes, please. Again, I'd like to come back and sell another. Yes. I want more.
Kit Hoover:
I want more. You and I did not want this interview to end. I love a beach read and I love all the positive connotation that comes. All that is smart and hard.
Harper McDonald:
I know. So are you going to see her in Nantucket?
Kit Hoover:
Yeah you ready? Listen Harper and I got to go. We're going to the box.
Harper McDonald:
Hey, two Coronas in hand, two Coronas,
Kit Hoover:
Two Coronas please in hand. I like the way she rolls.
Harper McDonald:
Dos Coronas por favor.
Kit Hoover:
Hope y'all like that episode. Hit us up in the coop and we'll see you next time.