Letters to The Coop: Boundaries, Brain Fog & Being the Lead in Your Own Story

Grab a glass of wine and settle in, y'all - Kit and Harper are back with another edition of Letters to The Coop! They're swapping stories, tackling your questions, and keeping it real.

From learning to say no without guilt to surviving menopause with humor (and maybe a hot flash or fifty), they dive into the messy, beautiful chaos of life. Kit shares how she unwinds after marathon days on set, dishes out wisdom on staying close with adult kids, and talks about embracing growth and letting the world catch up with you - even when those around you don't quite get it. Whether you are juggling family, career, or just trying to keep your sanity, this episode is packed with laughs, honesty, and a little wisdom from the trenches.

Remember to follow The Coop with Kit, hit subscribe, and keep those questions coming!

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This episode was produced by Kit Hoover and Harper McDonald. Business Development by Casey Ladd. Editing by You & Me Media.

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Transcript

This transcript was generated using AI. Inconsistencies may be present.
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Kit: [00:00:00] Welcome to the coop. Everybody it's time for. Another special edition. I'm going to call it mailbags. However, Harper is telling me we're not mailbags anymore. We don't like the connotation of that. Harper. I like the idea 

Harper: of a mailbag. I sort of think about, I don't know, Johnny cash back in the day when he was getting all the letters from Folsom Prison and he had a huge mailbag or Elvis was getting his mailbag of letters.

I love, I love the notion of it. I would say the coop mailbag just doesn't flow. Roll off the tongue. We're gonna, we're working with letters to the coop. Letters to the coop. It's, it's so much more refined. It really 

Kit: is. We're very refined over here. We'll see how long that takes. And I'm so excited about this segment and thank you for curating this Harper and we're so surprised by everybody that is asking us questions and is loving the coop.

We're very flattered. 

Harper: They are. Well, they heard the first, episode of this and they were excited to throw some more into the mail bag. Oh, keep it clean. Harper, where are we going? These are, I did read them ahead of time. They're fairly clean. they all are actually very clean. So let's, but we don't have to keep it [00:01:00] clean in our answers.

So we'll see how this goes. I've not 

Kit: seen any of them. Uh, I've got a nice glass of wine beside me, so does Harper, 

Harper: so does Courtney. Here we go. Listeners, pour yourself a glass. Okay, here we go. This one's, Dear kids, some are dear the coop, some are dear kid. That's kind of sweet. This is from Emily from Dallas.

Oh, I don't you love it. 

Dear Kit, I've always been the yes person in my family and friend group, but I'm starting to feel like it's wearing me out. You've said before that you're a people pleaser. How do you set boundaries without feeling guilty?

Oh, God, this is a hard one. good one. 

Kit: What's her name again? This is Emily. Emily. I'm sorry I've come off the set. Make me listen, Harper. Um, Harper and I talk about this all the time. This is a really hard for me. I'm beyond a people pleaser and now at 54 I finally learned all the ways it does not serve me and what happens and when you're a people pleaser your intentions are good But it comes back on you in such a negative way.

So I wish I had all the answers It's a day by day thing for [00:02:00] me. I try to serve Slow down and be more thoughtful when I feel myself naturally going to that place. I want to make sure everybody around me is great. Everybody's good. You're good. You're good. If you're good, then I'm good. And that's not the case.

You have to sort of make sure you are good and then make good. Educated, thoughtful decisions. When do 

Harper: you get most centered to identify that maybe, saying yes to everybody? Like when is the moment where you start to feel just imbalanced? Maybe that like, oh, this isn't, this isn't working for me.

What do I need to do? Like, what do you do? 

Kit: first of all, I can feel it when it backfires on me, which as a people pleaser, you will get that. You do so much. And then you realize at the end when it's coming back in kind of a negative way. And I think what I've learned is to acknowledge it, to apologize for it and to try to do better.

And again, 2025 is just started and I'm just trying to, we just had the great 

Tina Bryson, Tina Bryson on and Harper. She did this thing where she said, put your hand on your heart. Take some deep breaths and talk to yourself. Now, [00:03:00] y'all, I know that might sound hippie, dippy, weird. Woo hoo to you guys out there, but I've started doing it.

I'm 54 and I'm finally starting to. Use some tools that I've learned and it works. I'm just trying to slow down enough to not be that person anymore 

Harper: The other thing Tina said and again, she was just on and so brilliant is she uses this phrase with when you're looking at children and Helping them to identify what's going on around feelings and it's called you name it to tame it Right?

Mm hmm. So, I feel like in this last week, you did a lot of naming to tame it. Right. Yes. All the while using the hand on your chest and talking to yourself like you are your best girlfriend. Yep. And what would your best girlfriend say to you and help you identify that that's kind of what's going on.

Kit: Yeah. And then maybe what should you do? And then what should you do? What is your plan? And we can move on from this. Tina. Tina. But for people pleasers, you will find what happens is you get depleted. So there is no win in that. The heart is right to [00:04:00] want everybody around you great, but there is a better way to go at it.

Work in progress, Harper. We're starting off strong in 2025. Oh, you 

Harper: really are. Is, is Bug a people pleaser? Bug 

Kit: is a people pleaser. She is. So I think it's very much a learned. mechanism and I see it with my three. Strong and she, she has set boundaries over the years though. Okay, so she's a good model. She's a wonderful model with this.

and so yeah, It's one of those things I want to continue to work on. 

Harper: Okay, well, we all need to. Yes, help me. Well, thank you, Emily. Thanks, Em. For that, for that question. okay, so this is Dear the Coot, but this actually is more for you. 

How do you recharge after a long day of being on for the cameras?

This is from Emma from Austin. So, oh, it's two Texas. this is like, you know, your, your fans love ya. So how do you like, we are sitting here right now, just for context. It is 4 45 PM. You have just come from in full day on set, probably shot at least two shows, access Hollywood and access daily.

And now here we are. And. Just rolling on to another set. Just rolling 

Kit: on. And I just interviewed Katy [00:05:00] Perry. So we had the two shows. 

Harper: Beverly Hills interviewed 

Kit: Katy Perry back 

Harper: here. And then you go home. So, so you're on for hours and hours and hours a day. And then what do you do? 

Kit: usually what I do is I'll try to go for a walk to kind of decompress.

I love to work out in the mornings. So I like that walk. I try to not have my phone on my body, so I'm looking on it. And even just to walk around the block, I just like one little sort of outdoor exercise. It's hard when it gets dark so early to decompress. And then I like to come in and kick it into high gear with the kids, whoever's home, dinner, and throwing myself into their life.

But it's just that one moment of just sort of shutting off for a minute. What do you do? 

Harper: Oh gosh. Um, well I'm not on camera all day dear friend. I have a different on. Everybody has an on though. I have a different on. I don't feel like there is a shutdown for me until the very, very, very, very end of the night.

And 

Kit: my friend can stay up to like midnight and we tease each other because at 8 30 I'm about to get in the sheets immediately. I do. I'll call Kit 

Harper: and I'll say, Hey, um, have a thought. She's like, great. Talk to you at 5 AM. Early bird special. [00:06:00] Yeah. no, but I, I feel like you, Do you have a way to reset yourself at the end of the day?

You also, what I think is interesting that you've shared is you actually go quiet. Meaning you sort of actually turn off, I mean, you're there with your kids and whoever's home and whatever it might be, but you do sort of have an off switch for a little bit. 

Kit: A lot, which 

Harper: you 

Kit: must a lot need that always I have to re-energize and, I love, you know, me, I'm all gas, no breaks, and then when I run outta gas.

I have to recharge. So it's the walk and then a lot of times too, especially when it's nice out, I love to lay outside and I'll shut my eyes for 20 minutes. And I'd like to say it's a meditation and then I'm that grounded that I can do it, but my mind wanders. But I just try to center myself and it's like a calmness.

that comes over me. I can feel my body relax and then I'm up and throwing myself into the kid stuff. 

 I love it. Okay. 

Harper: Thank you, Emma. 

Kit: Thanks, Sam. 

Harper: Okay. This is Maya from New York City. 

Dear The Coop, I am deep in menopause madness. Oh, Lord. Any funny or unexpected stories [00:07:00] from your own menopause journey that you're willing to share?

Kit: What's funny is I was talking about it on set. Naomi Watts has a new book out and she's talking about it. I'm on Access Hollywood with Mario Lopez and Scott Evans that day and we're talking about Naomi Watts and the interview. Good night. As I'm throwing to it, a hot flash hits and I was like, I'm not making this up.

And it goes up the back of my neck. I was like, ah, Naomi Watts. I was like, Oh God, it just washed over me. And I was like, I am in the middle of these hot flashes. And so it is real and I'm excited to get a hold of it. We have a, Awesome menopause specialists. It's coming on this incredible Dr. Mary Claire Haver.

And I, I can't wait. This is not our granny and mama's menopause. Like we are going to get ahead of this ladies. 

Harper: Well, grannies and our mamas never talked about it. They never 

Kit: talked about it. They had to gut it out under 

Harper: the carpet. 

Kit: There is no award for gutting it out. Ladies. I just want to tell you. 

Harper: Not anymore.

I 

Kit: was talking to bug this morning. She was asking about it. I said, bug, I can't believe your generation. And she's like, yeah, you were told you were [00:08:00] whiny. If you talked about it. 

Harper: Well, and that's what, um, the word 

Kit: whiny drives me nuts. Yes. 

Harper: Whiny. And if you went into doctor's offices and started complaining about any symptoms, any, yes, it was, it was kind of thrown away as if it was meaningless.

I would even say, I know friends and even personally when I've been to my ob, GYN. years ago and said, Hey, I'm starting to experience like this or that. Like I, the change is coming. the other change, not the original one, but this is the, this is the other one for us ladies at this age. And, there wasn't a lot offered.

And there also wasn't a lot offered in terms of, I don't, I don't specialize in this, but I would love to suggest someone for you to go speak to. It's sort of, there was, there was no follow up. And I kind of, and so that I, honestly, I kind of went dark for a couple of years on it. Didn't mention it. Didn't Yeah, because you got no results.

Well, cause I talked to someone who I trusted who I thought would guide me and not. 

Kit: but the thing about it, that's a great point. Harper, think of all of our women friends and we talk about this all the time and I'm a little bit older than [00:09:00] you. So even in my other friends that are around my same age, It's not like you go to the doctor and they're like, Hey, you've got to talk to this specialist.

Like this is a massive thing that every woman is experiencing, but nobody is talking about it. Half the population will go through this. Or, or guiding you. Like no one is like, they seem to not have the information until now and you still have to seek them out. I'm trying to get into that one doctor that everybody goes to in Pasadena.

Yes. So it's hard to get into and then don't get me started on the insurance of it, but like it should be a normal, normal thing. thing. That's how I feel about mental health in school as well. It should be talked about starting in middle school. Like, why are, why was this never taught? And our friends that are doctors, they talk about in medical school, it wasn't really 

Harper: discussed.

It 

Kit: was like 

Harper: a tiny chapter. It was nothing. It was, it was a half of a, half of a, half of a chapter one day. That's insane. It's completely insane. If 

Kit: men had to handle menopause. 

Harper: There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. They'd all be crumbled on the ground right now. I mean, they're, they're tough in so many ways.

So many ways. We love them. When all the symptoms hit simultaneously at the same time and symptoms like, and [00:10:00] Dr. Haver will talk, has talked about this and we'll get to talk to her about it soon enough. But, everything from sleeplessness to anxiety, to frozen shoulder, that one blew me away. That estrogen just leaves your body and all the lubrication that you need inside your body.

hair on your face, hair on your face. Yeah. Losing hair. Oh my God. That was one of the bigger ones for me. I started having clumps in my face. Fall out of my head. You lose the hair on your head. I was like, that feels not right. That doesn't feel 

Kit: right. And it comes back on your face. And I'm sweating. And I'm not sleeping and I'm sweating and I'm irritated and I'm agitated.

And it all happens. Here's the kicker. It only lasts for about six seconds. Seven to 10 years. This is cool. So cool in it to win it. And you and I've laughed. It also happens at a time in your life. We're about to sort of reclaim who you are. A lot of us that have kids are becoming empty nesters. So it hits at a time.

You're like, Oh no, no, no, no, not now. Like it is. And I'm certainly not dry. And there 

Harper: was, um, when you will remember this, when we were doing research, in preparation for the conversation with Dr [00:11:00] Haver, There was a study that was done in the UK that one in five women are leaving, that are around our age, let's just average 52 right between the two of us, that are leaving the workforce because of menopausal symptoms.

And it's because the brain fog or the anxiety or the physical effects of it all. And it's at a time when women are just hitting their stride as, as you talk about and we talk about all the time. So. Absolutely. There's something to be done. All of it has to be funny and then we have to address it. 

Kit: Right.

Always with laughter. You and I have had so many casuals about all this. Oh lord. Just 

Harper: sweating in 

Kit: weird places. And we gotta get Naomi Watts on the podcast because I love, she's been ahead of this curve so we're getting her. And talking about it. We're getting her listeners. Alright. Awesome. She doesn't know it yet but 

Harper: we're getting her.

Naomi. okay. Here we go. 

Dear the Coop. Oh, this one. I love this one. My daughter and I used to be so close, but now she's an adult and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. How do you, Kit, stay connected with your kids as they grow older [00:12:00] without overstepping? 

Kit: Oh, this is Heather. Heather, first of all, Gosh, the mother child relationship as they get older is so wonderful and special.

And that's actually a hard one for me to answer because I feel like, um, my connection with my three, and I've got two out of the house, is so strong and we're in constant connection that we've never fallen out of sync. to then feel on eggshells because you're just in it moment to moment. 

Harper: Do you have girlfriends who have gone through this?

I mean, it is, uh, it is a massive transition. But if you were having this sort of 

experience with, with one of your kids where you felt like, uh, I mean, your kids share everything with you. So it's, it's true that it's not necessarily a, parallel experience for you. But what would you do if for some, if in some way you missed steps with your kids and you had to find your way?

Kit: I would allow space. I think space is key. I've always liked to give, my kids a lot of rope. I trust them to make mistakes. So I, I like them to kind of lead [00:13:00] their life knowing that I'm there. So my advice, first of all, I feel you. Like that is, that is a really tough one because that's your heart out there.

But I would give space, but I would also make it known that you're always there. Now one good thing with like social media, right, if it's not the call, It's a text, just a simple, I love you and I'm thinking about you or something funny or a fun meme and don't even expect a response. And you've built up that love, Heather, and it will come back to you.

Right? Sometimes I think maybe they need to figure out their own way, but, That's them fighting for independence. Yes. Yes. In their own way. And that, I will say, for me, in my career, um, If I looked at my life just at this point, my greatest success truly are those three and how close they are. Harper and I are laughing because our kids are dealing with college stuff right now and my daughters are more, more excited when my son gets into a school that he likes than he is.

Oh, it's so cool. And you have the same on your end. So that to me, Well, they've been 

Harper: through it and they know, they, they That moves 

Kit: my needle. That gets me so excited. Oh, for sure it does. 

Harper: For

sure it does. Okay, 

well, Heather, we're hoping Heather It'll find its, they'll find their way [00:14:00] back. You'll find your way back.

They always find their way back. They come back more after they leave, don't you? I mean, every, I feel like every single friend of mine whose kids have gone away to college or moving on or functioning adults, they do kind of make their way back. 

Kit: You know, I like to be close. I think I've gotten even closer.

You and I've talked about this because it's a different relationships. You're always mom. You become a little more mentor. The other advice quickly that just popped in my mind would just be be available Meet her where she is. Be available to talk when your daughter wants to, right? So whenever my kids call, I drop everything.

I'm available and not at a martyrship. It's where I want to be. So, you know, without judgment, without guilt, without guilt, right? Make it a priority is the wrong word. It should just be what it is, but it will come back around. 

Harper: Well, and it makes me think about something that Tina was saying, the other day as well, which is, Our journey with our kids is to write alongside them.

So we may be writing alongside them, but not necessarily exactly where they are, but we can be a yard away from [00:15:00] them and sort of just trotting along. And then when they're ready, we sort of come back and, and just are empathetic and, Joyful is to exactly where they are without judgment 

Kit: and Harper. Let's think about when we were our kids age Our parents could not reach us could not find us.

They can send a mail bag a little snail mail to find us Yes, so I do think we are way too connected. I love it It's working for me, but back when we were there like honestly you were out in South Africa. Your parents could not reach you It's like no think about how we're almost to helicopter parenting We try not to let her fly a little bit let her go you would go I would call home every Sunday if that even happened.

So, so look at how I'd call collect and they would decline it and then call me back on a special card they had to save money. so Heather, she's going to be just fine. That is so cute. 

Harper: That is, they would decline your call? 

Kit: On purpose. 

Harper: Right. So then they could call back on the card. I love it. It saved two dollars.

That's so sweet. You're like, and you're like, and I'm not offended. Oh, I love this. Okay. 

Kit. I and This is our last question for [00:16:00] the segment. Okay. Kit, if you could go back and give your 35 year old self one piece of advice, what would it be? I feel like I could use that wisdom right now.

Kit: Do you hear Courtney pull up my duck horn? That's such 

Harper: a good sound. Did you hear that? What is it about the sound of wine? What is it about this that just drops my shoulders? 

Kit: All of a sudden I'm feeling relaxed like you were talking. Harper, read it again. I was not paying attention. No problem. It's just 

Harper: the duck horn really threw Kit off.

Dear Kit, After you have a sip of wine, if you could go back and give your 35 year old self one piece of advice, what would it be? I feel like I could use that wisdom right now. 

Kit: Aw. It's from Karen. Karen. 35. Let's think back Harper. We're at 35. Okay. So I'm about to have my babies. Had my babies. So we don't know if she's babies or not.

My house was about to burn down. I think 30s are interesting because, you're not a child anymore. You're usually out of your academics. You know, you're on, with academics, you're on a path to everything. In some version of career. I think [00:17:00] 35 would be breathe, girl. Take a deep breath. You're a little more centered of where your life could be going, but it's still full of possibilities.

So. You're never stuck. And 35, you're at that golden age of whatever you want to do next. So if I look back at myself, I would say, I know where I was. I'd started a job on cold pizza on ESPN, which I was not qualified to do. I had a, uh, 

Harper: I don't feel like I've been qualified to do anything. Let's be clear.

I don't. When I sort of think 

Kit: back at not wanting, right. That makes me feel good. And so for our listeners. And young people, if they're listening, like you got to take the leap and you kind of figure it out as you're going on. But I just remember I had a one year old and a newborn and I was starting this job.

We had to be up at three in the morning and I was a little out of my element and I wasn't great at it. And, uh, it was hard to not be good at it because everybody could watch. And just sort of have grace with yourself, right? 

Harper: When we look back, I do think there was a moment. I think the 30s were hard.

Kit: They were hard. I liked a moment, if I'm reflecting back, that I sort of, was in [00:18:00] our, we bought our first home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember kind of digging it, like thinking like, wow, I got nice sheets and I'm adulting. It's like, I might have a dinner party. I might, I might, I might. Not saying I am.

Harper: I might bring out some china. I might instead get a keg and order some pizza. You know, it just was starting. But I can do it on our own table. 

Kit: Starting to shift. And for me, this is only me personally. I wanted to be a mom my whole life. Beyond elated that at the time I had my two little girls Campbell and Hayes and we just rolled deep I mean, I wanted to spend every second with them and it was so Joyful when I tell you harper, we didn't know each other back then it was a dance party every single day all day long I loved every second of it and and we lived at the beach and it was sandy in all the beds and I just didn't overthink it and we just had so much fun.

I loved it. You still feel youthful I think at 35. Yeah, you feel youthful. Yeah, I definitely like it. I'm a schedule person. So I loved, we went hard in the day and so much fun. And then I was really strict. I'm always strict with bedtime. I feel like if you get your own [00:19:00] bedtime and the kids, that's good.

But even with the kids, I was always like, it's lights. If you get your sleep 

Harper: that we can roll in the morning. 

the other thing that I think is interesting It's something that happens our whole life, obviously, but I also think at 35 you're still experiencing a lot of stuff for the first time. Right?

Just whatever that might be. And who you 

Kit: are. Like, you know, if you're a mom at that point. But what's your career? Have you given it up for your kids? What about, are you married? What are you like as a wife? Yeah, there's a lot going on. 

Harper: I remember my, with, um, Our son. So this was, yeah, close to 35, a little younger.

Uh, I remember I went on maternity leave, I was working full time, this is our first and we, you know, I went for about two months doing the mama thing and, I remember saying to my husband, I'm, I'm not a full time mom kind of girl. Like, I just, I love to work. Yes. And I love to, I love to feed all the parts of me.

I. There's nothing more thrilling than being a mom, but I feel like I kind of need to do something else too. So we were [00:20:00] lucky enough to have family nearby and have other support so I could do that, but I negotiated with the company I was working at too, to be able to work from home.

I mean, I don't even know anyone that worked from 

Kit: nobody back then. Work from home. 

Harper: 18 years ago, no one was working from home. And I remember for me, that was my priority. So I said, I'm just going to try it. If they say no, then it's then, then it's not worth it to me, but I want to figure out a scenario that works.

So I don't know, maybe that, maybe that's, That's the piece of advice is figure out what feels good to you and go for it and 

Kit: make it happen 

Harper: and 

Kit: go with the flow. Flow is my other new word for 2025. It will take you. I never knew I was going to be out in California sitting here with you. Like whatever you are at 35, you might think, Oh, this is where I am.

This is it. Life could turn and take you a different direction, a job, a new thing, a move. So go with the flow. 

Harper: Okay. So one word. 

Kit: And 

Harper: where you are in your life 

Kit: today. Well, now you just got me with the Sauvignon Blanc and I'm gonna say, uh, you know, last time you asked me it was energized. And [00:21:00] today I'm gonna say flow.

And I really mean it. That's probably why I answered that. I'm going where life takes me. takes me with career, just with my life. I'm not forcing anything. I'm not chasing anything. I'm happily energized going forward. You were tight last time. How are we today? I'm not tight today. You don't seem tight at all.

I'm good. Harper threw a hell of a dinner party last night. Let me just brag about my friend. and uh, 

you had so much going on over the holidays. Yes. How are we today? 

Harper: Fantastic. I was thinking about that today. Yeah, that was just a, that was a slice, slice in time, as it should be, but, I feel, I, I, I don't know.

I felt really fulfilled today. I felt fulfilled in, where. My family is, I feel fulfilled in how I used my brain today. I didn't move my body today, so that's a bummer. That would have been the trifecta. but I, yeah, it was a, it just felt like I was filling my 

Kit: cup today.

I love a fill up the cup day. 

Harper, let's leave our listeners with something [00:22:00] that Dr. Bryson said, and I could botch it. But what is it? History is not our destiny.

That's right. So my point is, when you were feeling tight back whenever, that's not who you are today. Right. I thought that was so beautiful. 

Harper: I know. Yes. It's beautiful. It's almost a visual reminder of things that have happened in the past does not dictate where you will be or how you will land.

And it could go to any of the questions that you were asked today about things and trying to be a yes person or how do I realign with my kids or whatever it might be. We can repair. Yes. That's what Dr. Bryson talked about. And start fresh. And start fresh. And those repair moments that we have either with ourselves around self compassion or that we have with our kids, I think those are opportunities to create new pathways in our brain and new habits that we get to sort of live with.

I don't know, endure and be inspired by and live with, so. 

Kit: And something to make y'all laugh, I was talking to Bug this morning, as I do every morning, and we were laughing. I was asking about her day and she was [00:23:00] talking about what she ate. She goes, Honey, I'm going to leave you with this. Think of the poor people on the Titanic that passed on dessert.

She was like, you always begin with dessert. Live your life. You've got one life. And I just think that is the best. Okay, so 

Harper: in the morning, do you call Bug or does Bug call you? I 

Kit: call Bug. 6. 30, she's waiting by the phone. 

Harper: And she has her coffee. She has her coffee. I have my coffee. And when you are Doop, bop, boop, bop, boop.

And the phone rings. What's the first thing that bugs this 

Kit: morning? Literally every morning of my life. Literally. That's what I get. And then she leaves with, tell me everything. And I was like, well, bug, I just talked to you at 9 PM your time. You know what I mean? And then we just pick up with whatever. And today I think we talked for an, at literally an hour 12, I had the news on, I was doing stuff.

I'm on my phone. So it's just constant contact. Like the fabulous 

Harper: thing about tell me everything, which is different than how are you? Tell Me Everything is like, I want gossip, I want the goods, I want the squishy stuff, you know what I mean? The feeling! How are you is like, [00:24:00] oh well, this hurts, and I didn't sleep, and I'm crappy.

Yes. But, Tell Me Everything? Tell Me Everything. Oh my gosh. 

Kit: And then 

Harper: we're just 

Kit: great. Bibbidi 

Harper: bobbidi boop. Bibbidi bobbidi 

Kit: boop. Yeah. And then, I called her on the way here and then I'll check on the back. And then how did she end 

Harper: your conversations? Um, um, um. end? 

Kit: She was like, love you, sugar, make it a great day.

And it's funny with Bug, like talking about being a pleaser, it's like, well, honey. Can 

Harper: we do a conference call every once in a while? We try to get Bug on the 

Kit: coop. She won't do it. I know she won't do it. But when I was talking about her, about my pleasing, being a pleaser, she goes, well, honey, there's worse things than one of the best for other people.

And your heart is so big. So don't beat yourself up. Like, whatever I bring her, she's just so. She's so my ultimate fan and I said, I know bug, but I got to work on it because you know, with business and everything, but honey, yes. And then she's like, look at those poor people on the Titanic. I said, like, that's not related, but I like where you're going.

I will think about them. I will think about them. And then she's got the greatest laugh. Just laugh more. She makes me realize she's so joyful that like at 85, she's just joyful and love everybody in your orbit and [00:25:00] do the best you can. We are all flawed. We are all doing the very best we can every 

Harper: moment and have 

Kit: grace and like, Don't cut people out, let people in, and just work as hard as you can.

Harper: Tell me 

Kit: everything. Yeah. 

Harper: Nothing more to say. 

Kit: By the way, back to Heather. Yes. I do that with my kids, which I don't even realize. So when Campbell and Hayes call me from New York in their college, that's what I say when they call. Tell me everything. What have I missed? And they're just going. They're 

Harper: like, oh.

Cause then it's not, it's like, then you're telling you a story. Yes. You get a story. You don't get facts. Yes. That's what it, that's what tell me everything means. And 

Kit: Harper, you know, I can't remember facts. Bug says facts are overrated. Well, they are. They should be loose and stretched. And it's like, honey, don't let facts get in the way of a good story ever.

And that is literally one of the 

Harper: best lines 

Kit: of all time. 

Harper: It's true. This is 

so good. So we will continue to try to get her on here, In the meantime, maybe we can get, maybe we can get some questions for Bug and we can get Bug to answer them separately. Separately, 

Kit: and then I can do it in her accent.

Yeah, yeah. Which she said to me, she's like, Honey, that's not how I talk. And I'm [00:26:00] like, oh yeah. Yeah, she doesn't like it. She doesn't like the accent you do. Little Bug. alright our Coopers, is that all our questions? 

Harper: We have a late breaking question. Ooh, bring it in. Just came through. Yes. Through our Instagram, through DMS, which is how we're getting them. Okay. Courtney from Texas. Being from the South, there's so much pressure to get married so young.

I was 23 when I was married and 25 when I had my first child. How do you cope with the realization that 10 years later you're a completely different person and you feel misunderstood by the ones closest to you, including your spouse, advice, how do I become confident in this new suit that feels foreign to even myself sometimes?

Kit: Wow. First of all, great question. And I will say growing up in the South, how interesting for me that my dad continuously said to me as a young girl from Atlanta, Georgia, don't even think about getting married till you're 30. You don't even know yourself. What a gift. So I heard that over, and I was like, by the way, whoever you [00:27:00] find How old were 

Harper: you when you got married?

Kit: 29. Okay. A bit, bit, beaten by a year. I was the same. 

Harper: I was the same. I was 29. Yeah. 

Kit: But what's interesting about that, he wasn't saying don't find your person that young, but don't feel the need to get married that young. I think what that did was give me personally space for growth, and I, I love that. And I have a lot of friends that got married very young and are very happily married.

I do think it's more challenging. You're just growing so much between 20 and 30 is massive. But if you're already in it, find ways to grow within yourself and then you can grow within your partner. But I think you're still that young, vibrant person and try to maybe separate it and find that growth within yourself.

But I really love that my dad, said that. I just thought that was really cool. By the way, debutantes were huge in the South. Courtney, were you a debutante? So debutantes, were you a debutante? Was that a thing out here? So in the South, it's like a huge thing. It is a thing here, but not in San Diego.

But how funny it is, so all my friends, who are my best friends from the South, Had their debut and so I really wanted to do it and my dad said I'm not gonna have [00:28:00] you come out for a guy To choose you you choose who you want to be with. 

Harper: Yes. 

Kit: I just thought what it and again at the time I was so angry.

I'm like god my dad. What is he doing to me? But if you look at how he set me up for sort of my beliefs, it's pretty fascinating And by the way, I still love the debutantes and I just think they're really fun. 

Harper: But I do think the interest, The interesting part of the question to me is, she feels misunderstood by the ones closest to her.

So to me, she's She's grown, she's evolved, and maybe feels like those around her either haven't or haven't evolved alongside of her. So, I don't know, what advice would you give to sort of be able to crack that conversation open? 

I 

Kit: think the only, your only move at this point is self reflection with communication with your husband, with your family, whoever's making you feel these ways.

To feel it solo with no action is pointless. So acknowledge your feeling that way. [00:29:00] Communicate it and find a way out of it as far as to happiness You're never stuck with anything. 

Harper: Yeah. And the interesting thing is. So the moment, so another part of her question was feeling confident.

So when was a moment in your trajectory, Cause I feel like what I'm hearing is it's more career about her and sort of this evolution of a person, right? Where when you're young, when you're 23, when you're 25, you have not yet sort of figured out who you are and what your offer is to the world.

 some people do from a young age, but let's assume she hadn't and now she's figuring it out. Okay. So when was a time in your career where, I don't know, you kind of found a confidence or you found a knowing that you didn't know you had? Like, this is what I'm good at. This is what I'm supposed to be doing.

And then sort of pulling that into yourself and being like, I'm really fricking good at this. Because that alone is knowing your own confidence allows you to have, I feel like, the conversations you're having around communication. Is there a time in your career you remember that at all?

Oh, I 

Kit: think for anybody. I can go back and quote our great [00:30:00] Laila Ali and I'm truly wired like this. I believed any job I went in for, I had before I got it. Any show I went in for, I had before I got it. And that's not cocky. That's just belief in yourself and you have to have it. If they don't want you, it wasn't meant to be.

And I'm truly wired for that. So I believe whatever I'm doing, I already have it. And so I think for her belief in that, And when I look back at any time, of, that I haven't gotten a job or failed, I moved on very quickly. I was like, not meant for me and on to the next. And I think it's that muscle that you've got to stretch.

I always say to my kids, like, you are the lead character in your own story. Like, you have to believe in yourself first and foremost. And then let the world take a look. You are the lead 

Harper: character in your own story. 

Kit: Like, you are the lead. Like, so you, you know, so live it, believe it. And then, what's not meant for you won't be.

Harper: Right. And 

Kit: so that's what I tell her. Well, and I feel 

Harper: like what you just said, you were manifesting before anyone talked about that. Yes. So by you saying, that's my job. Yeah. So I'm going to, I'm going to go talk to this person and they're going to [00:31:00] ask me some questions, which is cute, but I already have the job.

Right? They're going to hire me. Yeah. So, whatevs. but maybe that's a little bit about what Courtney needs to do. To hear. Is, yeah. And to hear. And is to sort of say, what does your life look like? Right, it goes back to Heather Graham, it feels so good, I feel seen, I feel understood, I've evolved and I am experiencing a life that I love and I feel fulfilled and I feel energized and whatever the words might be, but ultimately, I'm seen by the people that I feel close to and they have evolved the way 

Kit: they think about me.

Yup. Yup. And to go where we're moving forward, what Mel Robbins says, let them, those that don't feel a certain way about you, let them have the feels. 

You are the lead character in your own story.

It's you, you're the lead, lead it, love it, go with it. Those that don't want to be part of your party, let them, let them go. The job that you didn't get, let it go, move on, find the next one. What is meant for [00:32:00] you will find you. Now that comes with what I call the art of the hustle, right? You got to continuously put yourself out there, but it stretched that muscle and it's, it's like 

true belief in yourself without failure. Fear of failure will serve you well. It's hard, but it'll serve you well. 

Harper: Well, stay, and stay on the path that you believe you're meant to be on. And, and the stars will align. They do. 

Kit: Yeah. They do. They will. Thirties were tough. You kind of can't see it all.

Right. Fifties is so self reflective. You look back and you're like, damn, girl. Even with the hot flashes. With the hot flashes. And, and the brain fog. Harper's had to read the questions three times. I'm sorry. Have we said anything? 

Harper: Have I stopped that sentence 

Kit: and not completed it? It's highly probable. Oh, and laugh more people.

Please laugh. All my friends are losing their parents. I feel like we are just in this weird bubble of stuff and I just want to laugh and love more. That is our goal. And learn. Enjoy all the 

Harper: emotions. Enjoy all the opportunities and all the experiences. We're so lucky to have them. Yes. Yeah. Okay, 

Kit: cheers, my love.

Cheers to our Coopers. Keep hitting us up. These DMs are fun. I don't know if we're [00:33:00] helpful, but keep them coming. 

Harper: We're having a great time. I'm having a ball. 

Kit: see you next time on the Coop. Don't forget guys, follow us. Go up and click that little button so you immediately get all our episodes downloaded.

All right. Love y'all lots. Thanks again.