Margaret Cho: Rewriting the Gift of Sleep, Sobriety & Situationships

In today’s fearless episode of The Coop, we welcome the one and only Margaret Cho—comedian, actor, musician, activist, and absolute legend. From crushing stand-up stages at 14 years old, to breaking racial barriers with All-American Girl, to selling out Carnegie Hall, and even playing Kim Jong-il on 30 Rock—Margaret has done it all, and then some.

She’s Live and Livid on stage these days, and we get into exactly what’s fueling her fire—from women’s rights to political absurdity to finding joy in the madness. She opens up about sobriety, body image, love, loss, and why she’s choosing “situationships” over marriage. And yes, we dig into her famous 12 hours up, 12 hours down sleep practice, how she writes a joke every single day before getting out of bed, and why her mother has an actual prayer group dedicated to finding her a husband (bless her heart).

Margaret doesn’t just push boundaries—she obliterates them. Whether she’s talking about being one of the few women in stand-up in the ‘90s, the sheer injustice of Hollywood’s double standards, or why love isn’t just for the young and beautiful (the theme behind her new song Lucky Gift), this conversation is as bold as it is soulful—with just the right amount of bite.

And because The Coop always leaves you with something to chew on, we’ll close it out with a Margaret-ism to live by:

“You reap what you sow. So I’m sowing joy.”

Or just the life mantra we all need:

“Do it. It doesn’t have to be good. Just do it.”

So y’all, tune in and get ready for a conversation that is sharp-witted, unfiltered, and deeply, beautifully human.

🔗 Tickets + Tour Dates: Tour Dates | Margaret Cho Official Site
🔗 Listen to Lucky Gift: Music | Margaret Cho Official Site

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This episode was produced by Kit Hoover and Harper McDonald. Business Development by Casey Ladd. Editing by You & Me Media.

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Transcript

This transcript was generated utilizing AI. Some inaccuracies may exist.

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Kit Hoover

Margaret Cho is unstoppable. Comedian, actor, musician, activist, and all around legend.

She started crushing stand up at 14, opened for Jerry Seinfeld in her 20s, and was the most booked Act on the college circuit, performing 300 shows in just two years. She broke barriers with her TV show All American Girl, pissed off network execs for being too real and never looked back. A five time Grammy and nominee named one of Rolling Stone's 50 best stand up comics of all time.

She hosted the True Colors Tour with Cyndi Lauper, sold out Carnegie Hall, danced in a pride flag on Dancing with the Stars, and even played Kim Jong on 30 Rock. And she's upping her game every single day, always on tour, creating music and fearlessly speaking her truth. Get ready coop chicks. This is going to be a wild ride.

Please welcome my friend Margaret to the coop. Hi, thank you very much. What did I leave out, Margaret? Tell me everything. I don't [00:01:00] know. I think that's it. I mean, I've done a lot of things. I'm glad. I'm grateful. I know I like this age where we are, Margaret, to reflect back and see what we've done.

Sometimes it just seems so surreal, but on The Coop, we start with, 

tell me one word to describe where you are in your life right now. I think right now it's just, trying to, uh, just keep going. I feel like if it's one word, it's relentless, because I'm doing it every day.

Every minute, every day, like I really am attacking things with consistency. I think that's what I realized, like, over time, what really prevails is whatever you're consistent with. So I'm consistent with my writing, I'm consistent with my, music, I'm consistent with going out and doing comedy.

those things, like I'm always just trying to better, have a better experience with all the things that I do, whatever it is. Have you always been consistent? We just had Gabby Reese on the podcast [00:02:00] and she's talks about how consistency is King and she comes, of course, from more of the athletic, that's her thing.

But to your point, Have you always been consistent? Cause I love, when I look at your life, whatever you do, Margaret, you do all out. And I love this about you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. But no, no, I was not like that before, because I just, I had this idea like, Oh, well, if I'm really good at something, then I'll just be really good at it.

And I like kind of was engaging in this weird, like kind of magical thinking, like, it's gonna all come. Together, and I don't have to practice, I don't have to work at it, but really that's not true at all. Like, you have to devote time to what you really want, and you have to do it every day. It has to be a daily practice, and it has to be its own reward as well.

There's no, cash and prizes for doing good work. You just have to do the work. That, that's the, prize in, to itself is just the ability to do it. I read something about you that you will stay in bed for 12 [00:03:00] hours every day, so I'm calling it your 12 up 12 down. I mean, I think that is so genius.

Not that you're sleeping, but how did this notion come about? Well, I mean, I just am a chronic insomniac, and so I really Just decided what I just like devote myself to sleep and not look at Light a lot look at devices not look at anything. 

And so that's a hard one Margaret.

How do you do that? It's one thing to be in your bed with your phone or your laptop. So when you're there, what are you doing? Everything is is very serene and you're writing take you through the process. I can bring paper I can bring anything that's not illuminated, like I can bring like a book, and I can bring, If I'm really, if I'm really struggling, I'll watch a black and white movie, you know?

But the less strain that I put on my eyes, the, the more ideal You know, and I've gotten to the point where I really do like sleep for 12 hours like I can, which I've built up to that. I, I read it was [00:04:00] during training season, LeBron James sleeps 12 hours a day so that he can really fully apply himself to training.

Yeah. So I thought, well, what if I just did that for like, My rest and as I get so exhausted, especially traveling around. There's a lot of days where I don't sleep at all So this is a way to kind of make it even like the sleep debt to pay it back in a way But also to just like make me have like a calm home life.

I did this in hotels as well. Wow To have a calm life. It's hard to do, actually, to spend that much time. I'm gonna try to stretch that muscle, though, of when I am in bed. It's the no screens, Margaret. It's easy to say, I'm gonna do it, right? But as soon as I'm there, I'm checking, I'm looking, I'm on my laptop.

To really read or to write, I like pen to paper. How long did it take you, disciplined enough, to really be able to do that? Oh, it's, it's, it's a while. It's a long journey. Like, a few years. It's not easy. Yeah. Also, the way that we engage with the world is through our [00:05:00] phone So it's really tempting to take it into bed but there has to be a space where you're without it Do you find you're more creative?

 It's it's made me a really creative, but it's also really Made my thoughts process a little slower. Like I think that like when you're scrolling constantly scrolling your the ideas are coming coming and coming and then you don't have the capacity to follow an idea all the way through especially with my writing.

It helps to just have a simple idea that I follow all the way. but the other thing is, 

I can't get out of bed until I write a joke. So, I always, every time I'm in bed, Every day, before I wake up, or sometimes before I go to sleep. Anyway, the of Going to Sleep has to come through one joke.

It doesn't have to be funny. And so, but there was good, there was good ones that have come like of late, you know, there was like good things.

And sometimes it's unusable. Sometimes it's not funny. Sometimes it's like, just, I don't even know what it meant. But, are you ever stuck in bed? Because you're like, I cannot [00:06:00] come up with something that I can even put down on this paper? Or you know, there's always something because you know, because it doesn't have to be good.

That's the other thing is that people also always I'm not going to produce anything unless it's good. I produce constantly and not doesn't have to be good. That's the muscle. You're just working that muscle. Yeah, so in a sense, like the 12 hours in bed isn't exactly always sleeping.

It's actually a pretty creative time. It's also writing time. Yeah. it's a meditation time. That's a big part of it to meditation. If I can't sleep, I'll meditate. I love it. 12 up, 12 down. I'm going to put that on a t shirt, Margaret. Yeah, it's nice. 

I was, when I was getting ready to interview you, I was looking into your childhood and I think of all the years that I've been lucky enough to interview you.

I don't think, we always talk about your parents, and of course I love when you talk about them in your stand up, but like, how did you grow up? 

So you started stand up at age 14. What was your life like in San Francisco? Well, my parents owned a gay bookstore. What does that mean? It was a store that, like, had events for authors, [00:07:00] um, so Armistead Mopan, when he had written a series of books called Tales of the City, which became a television series, and, it's a very popular book series about, gay life in San Francisco in the 70s, and so he would come and do readings and signings and things.

So we'd have like events like that. And did you like that growing up? Did you think, did you know how cool that was? Or were you sort of like, Oh wait, this isn't like my friends. Okay. No, it was really cool because it was like all of these very, interesting people who had full body tattoos, like in the city.

70s. I mean, this is like very early on. I mean, nowadays, that's very normal. Yeah, but then it was so You know outre and people were getting body piercings like all over and drag shows and You know, it was a very eclectic crew to grow up around. So they were my babysitters. Oh my gosh. How fabulous.

Yeah. So I was always around really creative people and then, there was a comedy club upstairs from my [00:08:00] parents bookstore that I performed at and then I had a teacher in school that would sign me up for open mic nights. I, performed with a partner early on my first comedy. I was in a comedy duo with Sam Rockwell, who is now an Oscar winning actor.

Are you kidding me? Yeah, he's great. He he was, as a child, we will we grew up together and he and I were a comedy duo. And then there's actually footage of us on YouTube. Oh, we're looking that up. I mean, how did I never know this? Okay, wait a minute. What was like your shtick? And were you in high school together then?

And we were in high school together. I don't even know we were like Pretending to be like a couple. I don't know. It was so dumb. Like, it was just like dumb kids. Again, like, you don't have to produce anything good. You just do it like that. That's my motto. I guess you just go and do it. And then some stuff because you're doing it all the time ends up being really good.

I know. But the confidence to do that, Margaret, like, where did that come from? Because a lot of people think they have it. But once you're up there on stage, it's a whole different [00:09:00] story. Well, the confidence has to do with not having an opinion about what people think of you. Like, you know, the confidence is like, I'm gonna do these jokes, uh, whether or not people like it is not really my business.

I mean, I, I'm just trying and eventually I'll get to a point where everything is good and then everybody's going to love it because it's just, that's how it goes. But a lot of people get stuck on like, Oh, I don't, I don't want to be judged. I'm afraid to be seen. I'm afraid to be judged on stage. I'm afraid that people are going to say whatever.

The thing is, is that when you. have no opinion about what people say. about your creative output, then you're incredibly free. Yeah, it's not exactly confidence to me because I don't stand by everything I've done. I'm like, some things were great. Some things were not. But I know the freedom to get there to have that were you born that way to have that ability to be like, this is what I'm doing.

And sort of I'm just doing it for me. No, I was not born that way. It was like a hard one lesson, [00:10:00] because I was so worried about, you know, What people thought, you know, and I was so over analytical about every show and then but then when you do after you do it for 42 years. Do you realize? I think around year 9, I'm like, I can't be so concerned about what people are going to think.

Okay, gotcha. I thought you were saying you already liked this back at 14 and I was like, what a gift, Margaret. Like, how do we get all young people, especially women, to feel this? So that is incredible. Do you remember the first joke you ever wrote that was great on stage? And was it with Sam? It wasn't with Sam, all that wasn't very good, but, um, well it was okay, I don't know.

but the one that they, that I would, I was in the 80s, so I would always have to follow comedians who were doing lots of Asian driver jokes. That was like the big thing in the 80s. So then I would come on stage after them and say, I'm Margaret Cho, I drive very well. And then oftentimes it was like real downhill from there, because they didn't know how to follow it.

But it was a very good way to open because it was like acknowledging [00:11:00] this is a racist place, but I'm okay, and we're gonna we're gonna do it my way. So it was a powerful statement. But it took a long time to figure out how am I going to, you know, Follow this up. but you know, like I had a long journey of figuring it out, which we're all on.

Right. I think that's part of the journey for everybody. Do you remember the first time you bombed on stage? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like the second or third time I was on. I mean, I bombed so much. I still bomb like I still like don't do as well as I mean, I think other people wouldn't necessarily consider it bombing.

But it's like you want to try things out. You want to, you know, have a different approach every time. And, um, so it's like not being afraid to fail. It's really helped me. How would you describe your comedy? I do, crass, self incriminatory, feminist, progressive comedy. That's all. Uh, also about trying to promote the notion of [00:12:00] equality, but at the same time, having a good time with it.

So I want to be political, but I don't want to be, very preachy and very like sanctimonious about it. I want to be like, really like having fun with it and enjoying it. But also celebrating. Being my age, I'm 56. And so that's also in itself a very unique experience as a comedian, because a lot of people who are in comedy, they are either like, uh, a man or, you know, much younger woman.

So it's like a very, Different place to be this old as a woman and be doing comedy and in the capacity that I do, I do it pretty much every day. So let's talk about age. I'm 54, so I'm right there with you. Do you feel like things have changed? Do you feel like there's more opportunity? You certainly have been a ceiling breaker, and busting it wide open for so many comics coming after you.

Do you feel like now it's, I don't know, I feel like there's something with our age, Margaret. I think we're more relevant than ever. Or [00:13:00] am I just drinking my own Kool Aid? I don't know. No, I agree. I feel like we're being heard and seen more. I mean, especially like seeing Demi Moore. Yeah. the Golden Globes and, oh, and her super exci, super excited for her.

Like I love her and I've always loved her. I'm a child of the eighties, so she's totally like that. Just the best, you know, all the way through the 90, you know, she, she's GI Jade and strip tees and all those great movies of staying almost fire. In general hospital, like, you know, she's just an icon.

So it's great to see her succeed the way that she has as along with Michelle Yeoh, who is phenomenal and sensational, sensational. And I'm a fan of hers from like her action Hong Kong days. And for me also to see the representation of an Asian woman, just kicking ass. She's amazing. So I think that women are really Especially in like film and television are really like holding space like, you know, grand way.

Jean Smart. I [00:14:00] mean, she's in her 70s and winning all the Emmys in her show. Yes. So we've come a long way since the 80s for you and me, I feel like. Because women were so invisible our age for a long time. A hundred percent. how have the topics changed for you now in your fifties from the twenties?

They're kind of the same. I mean, you know, well, less so about, like when I was younger, I was engaged less with politics and it was more about just trying to get by with Dating and like trying to get by with the relationships and just trying to work that out. or Trying to have a more of a sense of peace with my body, you know when I was my 20s I was just at war with my body and the way that I felt like I felt so Out of place.

I was like way too fat to be in Hollywood, you know Like I you know, I had all of these like issues around that so I think my comedy You Was about a lot of that dissatisfaction. Whereas now I don't have the same body issues. Like I'm very much like not in [00:15:00] the same place. with the way that I think about.

The way that I look and I did, how did you get there? I think that's a huge theme that we talk about on this podcast and it comes with being in your fifties, right? The self love. We've like, we have survived a lot, Margaret. So where we sit now, how did you get there? What was that arc? Well, it's the disappointment that I never appreciated what a beautiful young woman I was.

Yeah. And I'm sad for that young woman who is so down on herself. Like You know, that's really unfortunate because I never enjoyed it. But at the, in the nineties, we weren't encouraged to. No. Yeah. Nineties. We had to shave off our eyebrows and wear those really low pants with our fanny cracks out. 

Uh, when you got your sitcom, all American girl, what year was that? 1994. 1994. So that the thick of it right there, take me on the inside. First of all, incredible for you to land this huge, what was going on behind the scenes though? I feel like you had to fight a lot of battles. Oh, I was just trying to lose weight, like I was just trying to lose weight so that I could be on the show because the network was complaining, producers were [00:16:00] complaining, About what? My weight. That was like the biggest problem. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I think, I was talking about content. Yeah. They were talking about your body? Yeah. That was all they talked about. What? That was all the discussion. And. Like give me a specific, they would say what? They were just saying your face is too full for the stage, the camera, the, you know, the, this is the biggest problem.

And it was so, uh, difficult, you know, so they hired a trainer and I think this happens to like all the Marvel movie stars, is they have to eat food coming out of tiny boxes. What? Like you just get a bunch of boxes and you cannot eat the boxes and then when you're done with the boxes, that's it, you're done eating.

It was depressing. This is infuriating. So infuriating. This makes me so angry. And nobody stood up to back you up. No, because it was like the norm, you know? It was totally the norm. But I think it had some racial undertones because I was an Asian American. They had not seen an Asian American family on television before.

And I'm Korean. My face is round. No matter [00:17:00] how thin I am, my face is going to be fuller no matter what. So it's not, you know, it doesn't. Make any sense, but it does have a racial connotation that you think I am livid about this What did your mom say about all this or what did your friend say about all this?

Well, my mom was like, oh you have to do you Cuz my mom is also like of the generation is, oh, you have to, why are you so fat? You know, like, but then also the same token, oh, you have to eat. Like, it's like, you can't win. You can't win. they just wanted to be me to be thinner. I don't know. I can't even believe that.

So how did it end with that? I'm trying to remember your show, how it wrapped up. Well, the show was canceled and then replaced by Drew Carey because he's so thin. You know what I mean? Look at the difference right there. Now I'm really mad. No, I love Drew. I love Drew. This has nothing to do with Drew. This has nothing to do with him.

But look what man you could put on to be fine. Not only that, revered, respected, picked up. Oh my gosh. It's, but it's, it's like the time of that [00:18:00] era of what we were talking about, you know, like where women were just in this very, very narrow view of what womenhood should look like. Yeah. Whereas now there's much of a, uh, I think a saner, uh, view.

View of, the way that women's bodies can look and, and, and appear, but it's just a, it's so different. Thank goodness. 

Was there ever a moment where you fell off track with your career? And then how did you find your way back? Well, I mean, for me, I think the best thing was sobriety. You know, I'm sober now, uh, nine ish, 10 years, whatever.

Congratulations. Wow. But that was the best thing that I've ever done. What led you to that? Do you remember the moment where you're like, this is it? Oh, it wasn't my choice. I had an intervention. So I, I didn't decide to be sober. Everybody decided for me. It was all my friends and family. They were like, you're, you're going to do go to rehab now.

I'm only laughing because anytime I've been a part of the intervention, they like to retell the story. So there was, did you know the intervention was coming? No, they taught, they tricked me and they said it [00:19:00] was a birthday party. It was a surprise birthday party that I had to go for my friend. How old, what birthday was it going to be?

Oh, for a friend, for my friend. So, uh, you know, he was in his like, 49 or something. I old were you? I was 40 46. And so, so you're fired up. You're like, let's go to this party. I'm all in. I wasn't fired up. But I had to go because I was being forced. It was like strong arm, you're going to this because you're just like, not social, you have to go.

And then I walked in the party and everybody was sitting in a circle with letters. And it was like, Oh, God. Oh, did I know immediately? I knew immediately. And I was so mad. And they took me to rehab. And then I just, I really, I was I love rehab. Like, I love it. Like, I think about, oh, you know, I would go back for a refresh.

Like, I don't need to. There's actually nothing in my life that's sort of going wrong where I would want to do that, but it's just for fun. Like, just to go and kind of unplug. It's kind of like the laying in bed for 12 hours thing. You go and you're, they take your [00:20:00] phone, you can't be on the phone at all.

And then you're like, people make all your food and you just sit in like group therapy sessions all day or you do like meditations or exercise. Sometimes there's, there's horses. there's gardening, there's peaceful and I know you've gotten into gardening before leading up to that. What was it just alcohol for you?

What led you to everything, everything? I mean, everything. What does that mean? Like all kinds of drugs, all kinds of alcohol, like, but it was just the combination of that, like in a toxic, I was in a toxic relationship with a guy that I don't even, I don't even know how. I got with him, but he was just awful.

So, I mean, part of it was to get him out of my house as well. Um, so there was just a lot of things that were going wrong. And, um, for me, it's just so much better to be sober. Oh yeah. Clear, free, back to that freedom word. And you're gardening there. Were you writing the whole time that you were in rehab?

Yes. Yes. Were you more creative? [00:21:00] Once that came through, um, it took a little bit, like a lot of it was writing that was like kind of inspired by the groups I was in and you know, the different people that I was in rehab with, which is like, it's hard because 20 of the people that I went to my rehab with died.

So it's like, you see how deadly the disease of alcohol and addiction is like, it's, it's awful. Um, but I was in, my facility with some very, very famous people, very wealthy people. It was like a really fancy place. So it was like the best, the people that you would think are there were there.

And, All the money in the world, all the success in the world, the most famous name. They can't save you, you know, from yourself. Yeah. It's sad. I always, uh, I lost my uncle to addiction and I would say addiction waits for nobody and he was a head surgeon and to your point, addiction does not care. And so, wow.

When you came out of that, did you ever relapse or was that it? No, that's it. But I [00:22:00] mean, you know, that's why I'm really I have a really diligent like self care Regimen, like I'm you know in a very active like multitude of recovery groups and you know Programs and as well as I have a very very strong meditation practice and you know, it's it's It's just my life.

Like, you have to, I, I don't go for like medication to treat depression or anything. I have a really like stringent, practice where I kind of dealt with it because none of those things worked for me. But, I think that anybody who suffers from addiction might help. Uh, be helped by some sort of medication but I haven't gone that route.

How neat Margaret to just look at your life so far of where you sit and for this next beautiful next 50 years what you've already lived. I just think it's a, you have lived my friend. Yes. Speaking of that, let's talk about your relationships. Okay, so I didn't know. So you were married for 12 years. That's not the bad guy we had to get rid of, [00:23:00] was it?

No he's a good guy. Okay. Okay. And then when did you know in that relationship? that it was over. What were the signs and how did you get out of it? I think that we probably just grew apart, you know, and I don't know if it was so clear, it wasn't the right fit from the beginning in a lot of ways, but then we also had a good time together as well.

So it's hard to know, but we really just didn't, connect for like the last six years was like a little bit like, why are we still doing this? And I think, Sometimes with marriage, there's this feeling of like, I put so much into this relationship. I need to stick it out. And then that, but then why, like, like, is it just not working?

Um, but I'm glad that I had that time. I'm glad that he was in my life, but it just wasn't, Right. And then like, yeah, I've had a lot of relationships, but now I've sworn to this idea of like, I don't want to have any more. I mean, I have like a lot of situationships now. Okay, wait, we got to break all this down.

So I love that you say you're [00:24:00] purposefully single. I love that. Okay, so what did you say you want a situation ship? What does that mean? Is that just a booty call? Sometimes but it's also like a regular person that I'll go have a meal with or go see a show with or whatever it is, but we'll see each other and then.

It's not a relationship with a, goal in mind of like moving in together or getting married. How does this work? How do you not attach? Well, I think that I, I just don't want to live with anybody. So, in that space, it's like, okay, well I just, I don't want it to continue on in that way. You know, and it sort of works itself out.

usually the relationship doesn't progress, either then it'll just sort of fall away, and then somebody else will take its place or not. I love that you're defining exactly what you want for you, which I think is so many people are doing today, which I think is super cool. 

Okay. And then you've been 

in the past in polyamorous relationships.

What does that mean? I'm a newbie and all this explain [00:25:00] it all. well, polyamorous is like, well, you have a primary relationship and then maybe you have somebody else on the side or, but that also doesn't really work either.

I would just be jealous. I just think, I think that that would be a hard instinct to bury down. That's just, doesn't really work because It requires so much processing and talking and worrying about people's feelings and like trying to coordinate. It's just, it's like more than I'm willing to, it's more emotional labor than I'm willing to do.

I think it works for some people, but uh, I, I don't want to do that. Who would be your ideal partner going forward if you just had to describe somebody, somebody that's not going to live with you? And we'll start with that one. Uh huh. I think I, I would like, I don't know, just somebody who is, mature, who is, got their own, like, work and, like, art or whatever it is, got their own thing going, has their own career, has their own life that's really rich and full that I'd love to, like, [00:26:00] I'd like to be with somebody that I'm a fan of.

Yes, that would be fun. It inspires you that moves you. Yeah, you did something funny in your stand up. I'm not going to try to recreate it with something funny about the word bisexual. What were you saying about that? It's like fruit or something.

You had some great line in your stand up that we were cracking up over here. Well, it's like, I mean, it's, you know, bisexual for me is really, It also doesn't quite. Oh, here's Lucia. Oh, hi Lucia. Let me see. Oh my goodness. Hi Look at the ears. Hi Lucia. Oh my god Well, like being bisexual is like like liking cats and dogs like I have cats and I have dogs So it's like the same thing.

It's like, you know, you want the chicken and the fish You you don't really have I mean Also bisexual is kind of, it's a little bit wrong because I don't believe in the binary of male and female. I think that gender is really infinite and that gender expression can be really anything. And then also if I'm like really looking at it, I probably been with more [00:27:00] people that identify as non binary.

Or gender non conforming than male or female. so bisexual is a little bit of an outdated term, but I use it. And would you ever want to get married again? No. Yeah. No. I don't want to wear a white dress. Weird. I don't want to wear a dress. I don't want to have a party with a bunch of people. Like, that is annoying.

Like. I don't want to go to a government agency and sign over to make a union with somebody like that's also very creepy. Like, why does the government need in on my, like love relationship. It's weird. yeah, the weird giant event where you have all factions of your life present is like a nightmare.

It really is. It's so stressful. Yeah. So stressful. I've done it before. I really don't want to do it again. 

all right, Margaret, let's play a little let's get random.

Here we go. If you could heckle your younger self during one of your early standup sets, what would [00:28:00] you shout from the back of the room? it would be like, what's with the gloves? What's with the broach? Like I love to accessorize on that early, early part of my career. I wore a lot of like, arm length gloves, like elbow length gloves and brooches.

Like, what is with the brooch? What were you channeling? Give me your thought process. I think it was like, I was probably trying to look like a female comedian. Like what I thought a female comedian looked like. I was sitting by me trying to look like Joan Rivers a little bit. Who I love and uh, my good friend.

But, yeah, I think I was trying to, be a comedian by dressing like female comedians, but that's just not the look. You mentioned Joan Rivers. Who else did you look up to growing up? Paula Poundstone. Yeah. Rosie O'Donnell also became a very good friend. Brett Butler. really iconic Brett Butler. you know, those are all of my, um, real heroes.

Did you have a nickname growing up? No, I didn't. I never [00:29:00] did. I find that so hard with your eclectic life growing up there. Nothing. Yeah, no, no. My Korean name, Moran. My Korean name, Moran. Does that mean something? It means, uh, peony flower, you know, those are big cabbage rows. Those are my mom's favorite. Yeah.

Yeah. That's, that's what it is. speaking of moms, I was just talking about my mom. What does your mom think about where you are now and your incredible career and everything you've accomplished? Oh, well, she's very, she's like very famous at her assisted living. She's very famous at her doctor's office and she's Oh, my doctor said this is Margaret Cho's mother.

I was so excited. She's so excited because like everybody knows who I am. Very exciting. Does she, did she way back when want you like married off grandkids? Did she have a whole plan for you? She still does. She started a prayer group at her church to find me a husband and I was like, I'm going to pray and I'm going to get you Tinder app [00:30:00] membership.

So she's like going to download tinder for me so she can look at some matches and then Start a prayer group for her and all of her old ladies like and get together and pray that I'll get a husband and I'm like That's that's great Not it. No, don't do that. I can't control her. Has she ever set you up with anybody that you've gone on the date?

No. And I think because I don't think we would have the same kind of taste. But there are like, like Korea, like Korea, they have like matchmakers where like parents will do that for kids. They'll will like fully set you up in like a marriage, you know, in Korea, but I'm like, I'm No, I'm not.

I don't want that. I see you with all your animals. Did you ever want children yourself? I think I may have for like a, a second. Like, near the, near the time where it wasn't really possible for me to have kids, I thought, last ditch effort. Might as well squeeze out one. But then, I mean, I really don't have, I don't have the desire to [00:31:00] love anybody that much.

Like, that to me is quite, An ask for when you have a kid, you have to like, you are so, you love them so much as you, you know, how can you even function? Like I have a hard time even with my animals. I love that. So, but yeah, I just didn't want to love anybody that much. I don't have the ability to be that vulnerable.

do you remember your first tattoo that you got? My first tattoo was my stomach and my back actually very, very large tattoos. Uh, all done by Ed Hardy, a famous dad, Don Ed Hardy. Whoa. Cool. at Tattoo City in, in San Francisco. Whoa, whoa, okay. How old were you and how did this come about? I was actually probably 30.

 Don and Hardy had tattooed all of my, uh, parents employees from the gay bookstore. And so it was them that took me to get my first tattoo from him, when I was, yeah, my thirties, early thirties. So what was on your stomach and back? What'd you get? So, large peony flowers.

Aw, the name! With, uh, two snakes, yeah, wrapped around. And what's the [00:32:00] significance of the snakes around the peony? There really is none. I just like snakes. I like the, I like snakes and flowers. I think it's just like a beautiful, like, it's sort of Japanese imagery. You know, it's that Japanese style tattooing.

That's like what Hardy is so well known for, but I love, I love the way that they wind around and, you know, the petals are falling off the flowers. It's really beautiful tattoo. and what's the last tattoo you got? The last tattoo I got was actually last year. It was from a guy from Korea named Uzi, who's incredible.

And he does like blue and white, tattoos that look like, uh, China, like a delved China. So it's like, it looks like porcelain. And so that's on my leg. And, Yeah, I had a really big piece done by him last year that was just a very different from any of the other kinds of tattoos because it's really like fine and delicate and really looks like porcelain.

but yeah, the guys from Korea, all of these tattooers. In Korea and from Korea are just doing the best work right now. How many tattoos do [00:33:00] you have? Overall I probably have around 80 or 90. If you sort of look at them all sort of I kind of also look at them all as one. I, I don't really know.

There's quite a few that are not finished. That I really am reluctant to have finished because I, I don't have the time to go back to places in the world where they were started. But I do love the art form. 

Yeah, sort of a map of your life, if you will. Like that's really cool. Yeah. Uh, Margaret, what is in your bedside drawer? You've lived a life, Margaret. Earplugs. Oh. Earplugs. lip balm because I need like I have to I'll get up in the middle of the night with really dry lips.

So I have to get in there. Some like cuticle oil. Yeah, lots of like lots of different little moisturizers. There's like cuticle oil and like, there's like a foot balm stick because I have the driest feet. I have the dry skin. So there's a just like that. And then these really like Silicone earplugs [00:34:00] that are like, like gushy.

Like I want to eat them cause they're kind of gummy. But, yeah, that's what's there. Well, cause I was asking, cause studying to come interview you, you're very open about your sexual past and I feel like you've gone down a lot of different avenues with everything right there. Do you have a safe word? Oh, I mean, you negotiate a different one with every person that you're going to sort of be playing around with.

I don't really do anything like that anymore. Like that's sort of, that would require a safe word. That's You know, kind of edgy, like I'm a little bit less doing that. Is there a funny safe word you could share with me? My producer and I were going around like what our safe word would be. Safe word, like you would, like it's a word that wouldn't come into the context of sexuality.

So you would say chrysanthemum. Chrysanthemum was like the one that I had used before. Not peony, not your favorite flower. Not peony, you know, cause you might, or peony, either way. but you might, cause you might use that. Yeah, chrysanthemum was probably, uh, the one that's a hard one. Margaret to say, I was [00:35:00] reading, or you were talking about a guy that used to try to light your leg on fire.

He would like, I was like, I would yell fire, uh, water like there. Yeah. It was so funny because it was like, how is this sexual? Like, I was like, why I don't find this sexy or sexual, like, what is this about? Like, that's why I'm not that involved with, uh, Uh, all of that sort of like, stuff that would require a safe word, like BDSM, which I appreciate.

Yes. I definitely love a kink, but I also, it gets to the point where I'm like, how is this sex? Like, when does this become sex? Like, I'm like, I don't get that part. You have a fire on the leg. I was, I was, I was trying to reach deep to figure that one out. if you were reincarnated, what animal would you want to come back as Margaret?

One of my cats or one of my dogs or like the, the animal of a successful woman. Yes. You know, any successful woman's pet, I would be very happy. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I like [00:36:00] that. favorite body part. Oh, you know what? I like my thighs. I think I've got good thighs. I've always actually really liked my legs in general, but my thighs I think are, they're sturdy and muscly and I've appreciated them always.

Is the high still the same when you get off stage? Yeah, yeah, totally. Because it's like, it's just this wonderful relationship that I have with the art form that I am still learning so much. I'm still growing. Every time I do it, I'm like amazed and I think I love it more now than I ever have.

I love that. What do you attribute that to? I think that I pay more attention to it now. Yeah. You know, I have gratitude and I have, I mean, I've been doing it for so long that I'm not jaded. I'm really like, this is a trip because it's like, I've never figured it out quite entirely, but I'm still doing it and I love the craft.

I'm just doubling back thinking about your safe word, chrysanthemum. And then I keep botching, I say it wrong and my [00:37:00] mom bug gets met. It's not peony, right? You're saying it's peony. How do I say it? I think it's peony. Peony. You say it right. Yeah. You love to garden. When did your love of gardening come about?

 when did you know you had this green thumb? Like when were you like, oh, I'm gonna give this? Well, a lot of plants die

I don't have, I'm not the best at it. I had a whole like, gardens of carnivorous plants, which are really hard to take care of, especially in Southern California. And I had to keep them in like a, like a marsh. I had to create like a marsh for them. but what happened was I ended up creating the perfect environment for a mosquito, uh, factory.

Yeah. Which I made like a horrible, but then a lot of the, uh, mosquitoes would be eaten by the carnivorous plants. So it's kind of like. you know, it's okay. See, once again, you don't do anything half assed. Like, if I'm gonna have a garden, like, you're just not going for the easy plant or flower. No, the hardest plants.

But I have a couple of really interesting plants. I'm good with cactuses and succulents, but those are the most, like, low maintenance plants you can have, you [00:38:00] know? But I just love it. Me too. I just think there's something so beautiful about that. Uh, fill in this blank, Margaret. Aging is what? Aging is this wonderful adventure that you keep on learning from and growing from and it's the ultimate journey.

What are you manifesting these days? I'm manifesting joy. I'm having a good time. Like, I have a good time pretty much all the time. And so, that's what I, what I sew. You reap what you sow. Yeah. So, I'm sowing joy. sowing some joy, reaping some joy. Well, you can feel it. So let's talk about what you got going on.

I'm so excited about Lucky Gift. You're releasing your album. Tell me about the title Lucky Gift. Well, the song is about one of my situationships, which I actually ended up falling in love with. Oh, wait, the person or the song? The song, the person. And then I wrote the song for him. And it was really exciting because it was like when you the song is basically about when you feel ugly, but you fall in love anyway.

Oh, and it's [00:39:00] those like. Realizations that love is not for the young and beautiful. It's for everyone. And it's that exciting feeling of like being sort of held aloft by emotion. And I was able to replicate that with the instrumentation and the recording and the way that I wrote the song. So I'm really grateful for.

The ability to do that. And that comes out on Valentine's Day, I want to tell all our listeners and viewers watching. So cool. What part does music hold in your heart? Like the creating of that and singing it? Well, I play and sing, do it every day. It's actually almost part of my meditation and a part of my life.

Like I'm always on like this journey of learning and growing as a musician and I play pretty much everything. not well, but I, I do it, you know, and it's not really for other people. It's really just for me. And So that I can keep my mind alive. This is also also to stave off dementia. Yeah, so learning a new instrument will really get your mind going in the same way that a crossword puzzle or you know [00:40:00] Because that's the hand eye coordination thing.

It's a muscle memory, but it's also like making those connections Mentally of like growing a space where you can do something new. So I do that every day touring now with your live and livid show.

What makes you live it? I feel like you're not livid about anything. Now, Margaret, you're very You're zen, you're chill, you're, you're in the zone. I am, but I am livid about a lot of things happening with our current political landscape with our really insane. administration. And I mean, I don't want Elon Musk as president, you know, I just don't think that he should be president.

 you can't spell felon without Elon. So I'm really I'm hammering that home. There's a lot to say. So if people show up to your shows, what are they going to get? Well, they're going to get a lot of crass observations about what I think is happening. all over, uh, politics and social media and everything.

So I'm [00:41:00] really into sort of talking about what's happening also currently, but also overall, I'm like really pushing for women's rights for gay rights. So all these things are really important for me. And, you know, we'll see how it turns out in the end, but I, I'm very, I'm concerned about our, our state of the nation.

Well, the coop is coming to see you, uh, on the road. We'll put up tour dates and everything, on our website. And final question, Margaret, here we go. What turns you on? What's moving your needle? I love coconut cake. I actually have a piece of coconut cake. It's so underrated. People love a chocolate cake and then people love a red velvet cake.

Nothing better than a coconut cake. 

 what makes the coconut cake great because I don't like it's got to be the perfect amount of the coconut with the frosting.

Right, like it's not too sweet. it's just a really, to me, it's a very decadent treat. It's also kind of retro, like 1930s in a way. it's very fancy in the way that you think of like a cake should be.

It's fluffy [00:42:00] and high. And I love like this like, Like coconut all over in shreds. Yes. Beautiful. well, Margaret, I've been such a fan of yours forever. Thank you for sharing part of your journey. You sure have been through a lot, done a lot. You've never been more creative and vibrant. This is what this podcast is about.

I think we're just hitting our stride in our fifties. I really mean it. I really do with all this wisdom. And so, we will see you on the road, my friend. And don't forget everybody, her album Lucky Gift is out on Valentine's Day. So, thanks again. Thank you. 

Oh, Harper, Margaret Cho. She's fascinating. She has lived. She has lived. Oh my gosh. A lot of lives. a lot of lives, a lot of, when you, you and I were speaking about this before you interviewed her, she really does do the extremes, right? I was kind of envisioning her on this horizontal line of life and she just, she pushes all the sides and then I feel like she's found herself in this beautiful space in the middle.

Maybe not in the middle. I mean, cause she still pushes the [00:43:00] envelope from a comedic standpoint and music and everything she's doing creatively, but she seems so. Also, she looked peaceful. I don't know what she's doing with that skin looked incredible. She said, I think it's the HRT. I think it's the estrogen ring.

I need it. I need it. She looked so beautiful and so calm and how funny, Harper, that her word to describe where she is right now is relentless, yet at the end, she's so full of joy. So there's two words together. You could feel joy. Absolutely. And 

the relentless part about it is she's attacking things with consistency. That is so cool. Member Gabrielle Reese said consistency is king. Consistency is king. Never giving up. She's just constantly pushing in all the ways. And she, she has spoken about this before. She is. Always working. She is always on.

So, again, to see her in, just in such a relaxed way, knowing on the other side of it is and writing jokes in bed. Yeah, and she can't get out of bed until she writes a joke. That's a lot of pressure, I say. I love that. Well, but [00:44:00] not, because she says it doesn't even have to be good. That's such, that's so wise.

She can write the worst joke in the world, she's like, all right, now time to get up. I love her 12 up, 12 down. We're putting that on a t shirt. I mean, and the fact, if you really think like Harper, I couldn't do it. I couldn't unplug. The moment I wake up, unfortunately, I'm on my phone. I'm looking at stuff.

I'm already dialed in. What a gift she's giving to herself. Could you do that? Oh, it's really hard. It's really hard. I don't like to think that I'm addicted to. my phone and sort of things. I don't, I just I don't like to think that I am, but the truth is that we all are. And what she's the gift she's given herself is she's not letting her brain.

rewire in the ways that we all are because we are on our phones all the time and we're like, you know, just never giving ourselves that downtime. She's just cool. I love when she says, look, I miss rehab or what'd you say? I would go back to rehab. I love rehab. I love rehab. I really love it. And, but she, she loved it because she wants to go back, but she loved it because it was just like.

Joyful and peaceful. They make your horses. They make your food. I [00:45:00] mean, she's again, just finding the joy in everything. one of the things I thought was super fascinating about her was the situationships. First of all, I don't know how you don't attach. I thought that was fascinating.

Situationships. It's really hard to say that. Although she said with her story, She fell in love with her situation ship to my point of, I just don't know how when you're dating someone and hanging out, but I like she is defining her world, how she wants it. And that is so beautiful. And she's looking at it like, what, what are the pieces that.

I want and serve me and I need right now. Not, it doesn't have to be one situation. Doesn't have to sort it all out. It doesn't have to fulfill every single one of those prophecies. It can just sort of be what it could be. A booty call. It could be going to the movies. It could be whatever, whatever she's needing.

What about when I asked making safe, safe word and chrysanthemum, I can't even say it right. I was like, that's a long safe word. Chrysanthemum, chrysanthemum, chrysanthemum. Why do I get these? Okay, chrysanthemum. How do we say this one? Chrysanthemum. I [00:46:00] cannot have that as my safe word. Chrysanthemum? You'll never be safe.

I'll never get it. Wait, seriously, chrysanthemum? Crescent. Yeah. The mum. Crescent the mum. There you go, girl. It's the the mum. The mum. Crescent the mum. I think that's right. Are you sure that's right? Wouldn't you love if I actually just taught it to you wrong? I think you're right. Oh, that's right. Okay. And then my mom, bug, gets so mad at me.

Her favorite flower is the peony. Peony. It's peony. Peony. Peony. The reason why that's off that part of your guys conversation was so funny is because I don't think you can actually use the word peony as your safe word because some people might think it's peony. Peony. Peony. Peony. I would like the peony.

I'll have a dozen peony. No problem. No problem. Now? Later. yes. Say it one more time. Peony. Peony. Peony. pee on me. Listen, I don't know if I'll get a good safe run out of this. Okay. So hold on. Well, okay. Okay. Oh, the other thing that I absolutely loved, absolutely loved well, [00:47:00] there's two things that she wants to come back as the animal of a successful woman, which that's her.

Brilliant. Yes. Absolutely brilliant. But the really funny thing was, what, about her mom? The story about her mom? Trying to prayer group. And her prayer group for her to get married. To a man. To a man. Right, so it was a very, it was a clear vision. Very specific. But also she wants to get her on Tinder. Yeah.

She'll pay for the Tinder. She's, she signed her up for Tinder. They're so cute together. I love when she talks about her family. That was just a really, I've known her throughout the years just from interviewing her. What a life, Harper. What some life lessons in there we can all take away.

I love, which is why we're doing this podcast, in her 50s, I do feel like she is really hitting the stride in the way that she wants to stride. 100%. She is, she's owning it, she is as cool as can be and she is living life to the fullest on her terms. On her terms. And crushing it. Ah. Crushing it. and by the way, we got to go see her on tour. Live and livid. Live and livid. Um, she's on tour now. I think [00:48:00] she's literally going up to like Washington right now and she's making her way to California where we are. She's on Carmel. she's in San Luis Obispo. She's everywhere. and will be for a very, very long time.

And play her song today. P up the V on. Yes. Pump up the volume on. Lucky Gift. Lucky Gift. What a cool title that is. Well, she was a lucky gift for us today. Absolutely. Coop listeners, I hope you liked that. I certainly learned a lot. Thank you again, Margaret Cho, for coming on, and we'll see you next time in the Coop.