Chelsea Handler: Joyfully Chasing 50, Vulnerability & What Turns Her On

Go grab your vodka cocktail (or your gummy) and tune in for today's conversation in The Coop, which is fearless, funny, and packed with wonderous truth bombs. The one-and-only Chelsea Handler brings us her signature mix of sharp humor and unapologetic truth-telling. With her upcoming book, I’ll Have What She’s Having, she dives into what therapy taught her, why she’s strutting into her 50s with confidence, and how she’s done proving herself to anyone—and we get into all of it.

From her obsession with giving advice to the fine art of curating the perfect girl gang (spoiler: Mallorca invites are earned, not given), Chelsea doesn’t just bring the laughs—she brings the wisdom. She gets real about letting go, embracing vulnerability, and living life entirely on her own terms. 

She also shares the one thing she wishes men understood about strong women, why she’s over traditional relationships, every pharmaceutical pill she brings on tour, and how she’s prioritizing joy in every aspect of her life.

And because The Coop always leaves you with something to chew on, we’ll close it out with a Chelsea-ism to live by:

“I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. Either get on board or get out of the way.”

And the life mantra we all need:

“Find your happy. Chase it down. Hold onto it for dear life.”

🔗 Tickets + Tour Dates: Chelsea Handler Live 

🔗 Listen to Dear Chelsea: Podcast | Chelsea Handler 

🔗 Get the Book: I’ll Have What She’s Having

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This episode was produced by Kit Hoover and Harper McDonald. Business Development by Casey Ladd. Editing by You & Me Media.

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Transcript

This transcript has been generated by AI. Inconsistencies may exist.

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Hey Coop Chicks, huge favor. I need you to follow The Coop with Kit. Wherever you get your podcasts, Apple, Spotify, click that follow button. That way you'll get all of our episodes immediately downloaded. 

Some people say what they think. Chelsea Handler says what we're all thinking, but funnier. And after reading her new book, I'll have what she's having.

Trust me, y'all. You're gonna want exactly that. She's a bestselling author, stand up powerhouse, podcast queen, And the first female comedian [00:01:00] to have a Las Vegas residency. How cool is that? She's written books that make us laugh, reflect, and see things in a whole new light, whether my girl is topless skiing and Whistler giving brutal yet spot on advice Chelsea Handler lives out loud and we are so here for it. I seriously can't wait for y'all to hear all that Chelsea has to share with me in the coop. So much goodness. Chelsea says, grab your margarita and your gummy. Let's get into it. Okay, wait. You're signing books.

Your book is fantastic. Did you practice your signature before you wrote your first book? Have you always had a great autograph? I mean I don't know. My sister was here this week and I go, can you please sign some books for me? I'm like, I have to sign 10, 000 before they, they sent, they're called tippins, so they send them in.

And then the books, you know, get printed with them in there. And, my sister's like, I don't even understand what you're writing. She's like, what are you writing? And I always write cheers and then see handler. But she's like, it's looks like chairs. Choo choo choo choo choo. [00:02:00] By the way, I always liked that better.

I think it should be played out. Congrats on this book, Chels. And thank you for taking time to chat with me. I have to tell you, I picked up the book or I got it on my, on my iPad. I couldn't put it down. And my favorite part from the years that I've known you just from interviewing you, you're so vulnerable.

This book. Thank you. Really, and I love that you say it. You wrote it to the woman I dreamed of becoming. So we started coop with one word to describe where you are right now. 

Who are you right now? What would that one word be? Vibrant. Tell me why? Because I'm very much alive and I am, whole, like I feel very fulfilled and.

Constantly, like my life is so intense, like it's just go, go, go, go. And, I have such a loud life. Like, I don't know anyone who travels as much as I do or gets on planes every other day. You know, I perform in front of live audiences. I get to write books. I get to talk to real people on my podcast, like the way that I [00:03:00] have organized my life.

I just feel very much alive and like, I'm really excited about being like who I am, which, you know, and I don't mean that in a vain way, I mean that in a prideful way as like a little girl, like reflecting back on my childhood, wondering what was going to happen to me, what was I going to be come, who was I going to become?

And it's exactly what I had hoped for without even knowing what it was. I swear to you, your eyes look even brighter. Maybe you're high, but I'm kidding, 

but I really mean it, Chels. And I'm older than you. I'm 54. And I know you got a big birthday in February. I'm telling you right now, The fifties are the greatest of all time. It's going to be your favorite decade. Hands down. You just sort of, there's a calmness mixed with the vibrancy.

Yeah, yeah, the vibrancy is key because when you're alive, you're able to infect other people with that aliveness, you know, and Obviously the world is a scary place and can be really disheartening at times But If you can try and remain optimistic in the [00:04:00] dark, then you can kind of almost handle anything.

Yeah, and I feel like a lot of people rely on me for my sanity, so I feel it's important to remain sane and to remain optimistic, hopeful, and also while you're doing it to try to inject, especially personally for me, is how I feel like to inject as many. women and as, as many marginalized people, people who do not feel seen with this kind of vibrancy and hopefulness.

And like, I want to spread it. You better be spreading your nude ski and Whistler. When did the idea of topless skin, by the way, your tatas are spectacular. May I say, when did that come about? Give me the first run you did nude. How did it come about? Well, first I went pantsless. I had my underwear on just with like a flannel and pantsless, right?

And then the next year Were they long or like, or like, you know, bikini bottoms? Antis, I think. Yeah. Yeah. You couldn't really see anything, so it didn't matter. Just like coming down beneath my Pikachu. So, and then the next year I [00:05:00] was like, oh, I guess it was the next year that I was like, Oh, I'm going to do a topless video because who else is going to do it if I don't do it?

You know, no one is. So I did that. I did that for a couple of years, topless skiing with a joint, a margarita. And you know, and then my nephews were like, can you not do that? Like, and I was like, you know what, this is exactly why I didn't have children. Cause I don't want people giving me setting a parameter for me, but I did respect it.

Like I was like, Oh, I don't want, they're like my friends in college are talking about you and your boobs. And I'm like, well, that's. It's actually great for me, you know, college boys that are fantasizing about my body. But yeah, then I was like, okay, let me, I can, it's even cuter with a bikini on, like I don't need that.

Then last year I incorporated Bernice and Doug, my newest member of my family and that was a huge hit. So this is 50. I have a very special day carved out for the filming of my 50th and there are a lot of bells and whistles. So here's to crossing my fingers and hoping everything will work out because I have to make this video.

My best video [00:06:00] ever. The best one yet. Can you give me a little nugget or does he need to be surprised? There's a professional camera crew coming. So, I've invested. well, reading your book, one thing I've loved through all of them is I think your vibrancy has been since you were little. I love your gusto as a child.

Please just tell a little bit about your younger self. When you boarded the plane with your family, you spotted first class and you knew immediately. I think the quote was, this seems like my group, like these, these are my people. Where does that come from? Chelsea? I'm not sure, but I've always been like this.

Like, I don't know. I think being the youngest of six kids you grow up so fast and I was always fast, you know, like I was sharp and I wanted to get going. I was like, this is, this is not going to cut it. Whatever my parents had organized for our lifestyle. I, when I was, I remember being born, like I remember coming home from the hospital and looking around and seeing that there were five kids already.

And was like, Oh my, what a mess. I was like, this is a shit show. And from a very early age, I just wanted [00:07:00] to have a bigger life. Like I was like, this is not going to be enough for me. when I got on, you know, the first flight that I've ever been on and I walked past that first class section, I knew those were my people.

Tell the story, selling your hard lemonade to the neighborhood and recruiting the younger boy down the street that you could make extra money. You pulled it off. I started a hard lemonade stand because I thought my profit for margin would be higher, which it was. I made, something like. It's 359 I think it was in my first week.

Uh, how old are you at this time? I was eight. I was eight. And then I had another, or no, I was 10. I was 10 at the time of this. I was 10. I hired another kid down the street who was my bar back. He was 10 also. His name was Nelson. I started grooming Nelson right away. I was like, listen, Nelson, And soda 'cause we're gonna sell alcohol to parents and any minors who wanted to.

Let's be serious. And then I started babysitting when I was 10. I was, I was babysitting and then I was lying. I was saying I was 15 when I was 10 and [00:08:00] I ended up babysitting for a 14-year-old boy. , just please write that movie. That right there. I'm in. I'm hooked. Yeah. So it was pretty fun. I mean, it was pretty fun as a child, now that I look back on it.

But at the time. I just remember being so frustrated with being a child. I just wanted to be an adult and like, start, get the party started. I knew I was going to have to move to California. Like I was going to live in LA. I knew, I knew, I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew I was going to do something and that I needed to have my voice heard.

First of all, when you sit around with all your family members, the stories must keep coming. Like I'm already looking forward to your next. The stories just get better and better. 

I love how close you are with your siblings. I was telling you that when you're on my show, it's one of my favorite things is who's out, who's in right now with your siblings.

Is it all, is everybody in? No, we have one out because of the election. I mean, I have one out. He didn't vote for Trump, but. There are some conservative leanings inside his family that he raised. And I'm like, listen, we're [00:09:00] not here to breed Republicans. So I don't know what you just did. so I'm not, yeah, I'm taking a break from one of my brothers right now.

That's what's the best part about family. we talked about the vulnerability. that I really saw in your book and I really love this side of you. It's something I'm working on in my life. And you told a story, Chels, and I think a lot of times when people are very successful, people think, Oh, Chelsea just skated into this.

Everything has been handed to her. And you told the story about bombing on stage when all the execs We're coming to see you and it was a horrible time in your life and Zach Galifianakis, God bless him, walked you back and said, you need some alone time. 

Take me inside. You're in your hotel room by yourself.

What was the conversation you had with yourself? Oh, it was, it was brutal. I mean, I usually, I'm very close with my sisters and my mom and I would call them always as soon as I had a triumphant night or, you know, I would always be like, I had a great set every, you know, whatever I was celebrating. And I just remember, I didn't call anyone that night cause it was brutal.

It was bad. I, I was so young and like, [00:10:00] you know, early twenties or mid twenties. I don't remember, but I just was like, it's over. Like everything is over. I came out here. I just blew it in front of all of these executives, Like, everything that mattered to me in that moment was over.

And then 72 hours later, I got a development deal at NBC and it was like such a lesson learned about how quickly the tides can change when you really feel hopeless, a, not to take yourself so seriously that you can't recover from something like that you can. and then B, how quickly and fickle this business is.

There was one executive who wasn't at my show, Grace Wu. And she came to see me in LA and that night I did great cause I just, I let the nerves get the best of me, you know, in Montreal. Cause I was young and green and yeah, she gave me my first development deal for a hundred thousand dollars.

And I was like, I am set for life. But I love that moment for any of our listeners. We've all been there in life, right? Something happens. And a lot of people though, Chelsea, don't go forward or have that moment. So the night before, when you're with yourself, what did you say to yourself? Did you say like, we're going to [00:11:00] get through this or were you like, this is, this is what I wasn't wise enough to understand.

I would get through it. I was devastated and pity party, pity party, pity party. I, how could this happen to me? How could this happen to me now? I know. That I'm going to be okay, but at that young age, I think I maybe I was 27. I didn't know. I thought everything, you know, I was so myopic in my thinking. I didn't have any broad spectrum of experience to draw from and I was humiliated and, you know, humiliation is, you know, And I, I would still, even after I got my deal, when I would see people from, you know, that, that showcase, I had to redeem myself so many times over and over again to get the respect back that I never had in the first place, quite frankly, because they were seeing me for the first time.

So I had to earn it and that was a big part of, like, who I was, was trying to get that respect back or get it. Period. 

,

I think we all do in our twenties, right? And thirties. And at some point as we continue to go along, right? That striving for validation or especially [00:12:00] in our business.

Are you good enough for what we're doing? Where do you sit now? Now I'm just like, I'm not a victim, you know, like I don't really do that. I mean, I mean, when I favorite people, yeah, like that's not, that's not interesting or going to propel you forward.

you know, I have mistakes and things that don't work out and failures. And I understand that that's part of it. You don't get better at what you do by succeeding all the time. That's not a thing. And I've had enough success and enough failures to know that like it leans more in the direction of success And as long as I show up and I do my work and i'm professional You know, i'm not always professional.

Sometimes I screw that up, too Sometimes i'm just like oh god I do want to have an extra drink before I go on stage because i'm so tired and I have no energy And i've been on the road for three weeks and i'm not a hundred percent But most of the time I am  

when's the last time you screwed up?

 I don't have an answer to that because there's like screw ups all along. I know I take advice from someone who I think knows better and it turns out they don't know anything, they don't know what they're talking about.

 you know, [00:13:00] the exercise and the practice of listening to your instincts. And what you want to do and how you feel about something. that lesson never gets tired or old because you're always reminded to like, listen to that inner knowing. And usually the mistakes I make is when I'm not grounded and listening to myself.

they always say, you have to ask yourself, like, what do you want?And I'm not good at that. So I remember the first time I started therapy, they're like, what do you want? I'm like, I'm good.So I'm working on that.

Your therapy, Chels. Let's talk about Dan. Is Dan in or out? The book sounded like you're done with Dan. Dan's always in, but I don't see Dan anymore. I mean, I, that arc with therapy. Yeah, I just kind of graduated from that kind of therapy. You know what I mean? I needed to unpack a lot of my childhood and a lot of my personality that was derived from my experiences as a child and to identify why you have this issue.

Why are you guarded? Why do you not Want to be in a relationship. What are, you know, all of this stuff. Like once I unpacked it, then I was like done with that [00:14:00] phase of therapy. Now, if I need to touch down with somebody, I'll talk to a therapist, but it's not Dan, it's someone I speak to, it's a woman and I don't really go regularly unless there's a big issue, or I need, you know, help deciding something.

But I feel very like, more, secure in who I am now, you know, uncovering your stuff. Like, I'm not the type of person that wants to lean on a therapist so heavily, like on a weekly basis. Like, I think the whole point for me to go to therapy was to learn how to solve my problems without the need.

I've now without becoming like codependent, you know what I mean? And, I have enough dependencies. So I I wanted to be a better version of myself and he definitely brought me there. And then I keep, I kept going further. So it's the gift that keeps on giving. No one goes to therapy and comes out and it's like, that was a huge mistake.

What, 

what was your biggest takeaway would you say from your therapy with Dan? My biggest takeaway was the fact that, like, I always had felt this pressure to, [00:15:00] A, be the life of the party, and, like, knew that I'm smart and that I'm funny. And then it was like, stop trying so hard to make It's exhausting.

It's exhausting, and also it's not my responsibility to have to convince people of my brain or humor. I'm not I'm not like on sale, you know what I mean? Like you can join my party or you don't have to, but I don't feel the, the need or the compilation like, to have to prove myself anymore.

book. You talk about that dinner party you first went to where you're just sort of, we're taking it all in and listening. Your friends are like, what's up Chels? Like, where'd you go? Like, what are you up to? Yeah, you're doing you're boring. You're not talking. I'm like, well, I just like fun Bobby.

Yeah, Mike I will just learn that I don't have to be the center of attention I'm trying out different versions of myself and my friends are like what your whole personality has changed I was like, you can't change someone's personality. I'm refining my personality.

I'm trying to be a little bit quieter and, you know, and, and listen more and kind of be a little bit more grounded instead of, you know, flying around up in the air with no [00:16:00] grounding. Like that was what I was really kind of missing.

I love in your book, when you write, when I'm grounded, I feel like a tree.

And when not, I feel like a leaf. Do you still feel those things? Cause that was pretty early on. Yeah, when I, when I'm tired and I've been on the road and I usually do like three shows a weekend when I'm touring. And when I have to do that, I am exhausted by the end of the weekend, and then I'm weak and then I'm tired and then I'm emotional.

And, I know then okay, you need 24 hours alone, you need to sleep, you need to recuperate so you can be fresh again. So I don't feel like a tree all the time, but I like the tree. What kind of tree would you be Chelsea? Let's break this down. I love a weeping Willa.

You can swing on those. I was going to go Magnolia like sturdy with the beautiful flowers and the leaves. 

I love your girl gang. You have an epic girl tribe. How did you form this over the years? I have so many tribes of women in my life. I mean, I really do. I do. I have friends from all over the world.

And like, that's [00:17:00] another thing I wanted for myself as an adult woman. You know, I have my crew in Whistler where I ski all my girlfriends there. I have so many different friend groups in LA. I have a bunch of friend groups in New York. So I'm very open and I love people.

And even though I seem, you know, very extroverted, I, well, I guess I am very extroverted, you know, I am, but I do, I love meeting new people. I love hearing people's stories, and that will never get old. So I'll always have friends. I've always been like this. I've always had zillions of friends and, and I don't mean that in like a braggy way.

 Like there's people all over the country and the world that I know.

And that is one of the things that I'm like, so, you know, proud of. I love having those kinds of relationships with important, like politician types and then regular people that you, you know, like, I don't discriminate. I'm friends with anybody. So you don't need to be like Famous person for me to be friends with you.

That's not how I operate at all. So how do you [00:18:00] decide who gets the nod for Mallorca? Who gets on those trips? Well, there's a lot of lobbying for the trips to Mallorca. People want in on that action. I usually do every week. I do a different group of people, but I like to share it with as many people as possible.

So sometimes I have repeat groups each summer, but it depends how much I get to spend in Mallorca, but I always like, One week I have my whole PR team is coming this year. They're they have the house for a week. Then the second week I have all my friends from the UK coming. And so I just kind of divvy up different weeks for different groups of people.

And every year I go, I need a day in between all the groups. I never take it. So you never get the day off. Has it not gotten invited back? Is it on the hit list? Oh, and they know who they are. They know who they are. Yes. Yes. They do know who they are. On that note, and I'm being serious about this, because you have so many great girlfriends.

We were talking about in the coop. It's kind of a funny thing. If you ever had to break up with a girlfriend, these sometimes are harder, Chels, than like a romantic relationship if there's, if it's like a girlfriend relationship that's not working out. Yes, I've been [00:19:00] broken up with my girlfriends and I've broken up with girlfriends.

I had friends come to my orca. I kind of combined two friend groups was this was a mistake Yeah, I got I got so comfortable with like throwing people together that I didn't really I wasn't overthinking it I just kind of did it on a couple of trips I did a one birthday trip for myself one year, and I did it again in my arc of one year.

And, I realized I was getting like a little too lazy, you know, like you really have to think about who you're putting together. But the idea that these two groups of women couldn't get along with each other. Was like such an insult, you know, to being in my work in this beautiful landscape where adult women and they were like, we're just, they spent so much time bitching about this other group of girls that I was like, I don't want anything to do with you girls.

And are you caught in the middle? See, nothing would stress me out more. I'm on vacation too. I'm sharing my home with you and you can't just get along with someone, like, just figure it out. It's not like [00:20:00] anyone's gonna get violent, you know what I mean?

Just be a big girl. I found that to be quite childish and, and then these girls brought it up to me like a year later. They were still talking about this trip to my Orca and I was like, oh my god, get out of my life, please. was it hard to do or can you cut it and then move forward? No, I mean sometimes people give you a lot of reason it depends, you know I've had long relationships and which are more painful and more disappointing Like you're really hurt and you really are kind of shocked At least in my experience and i've also been the person That has hurt people and, and, you know, not been a good friend at times.

I'm not perfect, but I'm self aware and, and there is a certain like degree of behavior. I'm not interested in tolerating in my life at all. I'm like too, I'm too real. And my time is too valuable to waste my time with anyone who's lying. Or, you know, like, I don't have that, I don't have the bandwidth for that.

I think everybody, all our listeners need a little of that in their life. For me, it hasn't come to my 50s, it's called the F U [00:21:00] 50s, where I'm like, yeah, that's not working for him anymore. But you, I feel like, figured that out early. It's a gift, Chelsea, that honestly is. I love it. Well, it's a gift. I look at it that way as well.

But you know, a lot of people don't, especially in this town, don't like that kind of honesty and directness. That is definitely, you know, feedback that I've received. I don't allow that feedback to change the, the kindness that is in truth telling. Like you really are doing a solid, I mean, 

I talk about that conversation that Jane Fonda had with me in the beginning of the book, and she Blew my mind and set the tone for the way I was going to treat other women.

And tell the story to our listeners. It's the greatest story of all time. Well, I was at a party at Jane Fonda's house and I was on whatever. I don't know if I was on drugs. Probably. I was wasted. I was acting like an asshole. I don't really remember a lot of it. I remember, give me timeframe. Oh God. I'm so bad with timeframes.

I don't really know. I'm 49 recently. No, no, no. [00:22:00] It was like 20 years. Probably that's what I wanted to go. So yes, many years ago. And she called me and like, I went to her party, blah, blah, blah. I didn't, I didn't see her for a few months. And then she reached out to me and asked me to come over for dinner.

She said she wanted to talk to me about something and it felt like I was going to get, you know, chastised. I was like, well, this is kind of a weird email. She's like, Chelsea, I'd love to speak with you at my house. Are you free for dinner tonight? Can you come over? And I'm like, and I was like, Oh, okay. And so she basically told me like that I was badly behaved and that I needed to clean up my act and that I was, You know, just I offended a bunch of people at the party and I was like, Oh, my God, I'm sorry to laugh.

can laugh and I just. It was so humiliating, you know what I mean? Being chastised, but it was beyond that. It was the fact that she took the time out of her day to actually tell me when so many people would have just stopped talking to me or not, you know, not hung out with me again, but she was like, no, you're special.

Like, I don't think you want to be like this. And then she was right. I didn't want to be like that. I was going through a [00:23:00] difficult time and I was. You know, all over the place and messy and rude and all of those things, but she really set the tone for me because I wasn't going to disappoint gene Fonda. I had just begun therapy. So it was probably yeah. Oh, yeah. It was probably when I turned. It was like 38 39. It was about 10 years ago. And I love is. Now she didn't chastise you. She told you the truth and then she followed it up with, you're better than this, like your gift, you are so unique and special, please don't ruin it.

I mean, I thought it was so beautiful and I thought we all need a Jane Fonda in our life. Are you, do you Jane Fonda your friends? I feel like you do. Yeah. I mean, I'm always, you know, like my podcast, I dear Chelsea, I'm always giving advice, I give advice to strangers because that is my favorite thing to do.

Like. Sometimes you really do need a big sister. I consider myself a big sister to so many people. Like I will tell you the truth. I will help you fix it. I will give you a pep talk. I will tell it like it is. and especially when you're not involved in the situation, like when people call into my podcast with problems and stuff, I have no, you know, skin in the game.

So [00:24:00] I'm always going to be objective. I'm not involved. So I can always say, no, you're being an asshole or this is not right. or get out of this relationship. and that came, was born out of therapy. After I got out of therapy and they were like, Oh, do you want to do a podcast?

I was like, Oh no, I'm not doing a podcast where I'm interviewing more celebrities. I just did that for like 10 years. I have to do something different. And then I was like, Oh wait, I just learned all this stuff. I love talking about it. And, you know, I knew a lot, I had the advantage of like going to some world class therapist who most people wouldn't be able to afford.

And then I could take all of his like wisdom and spread it. And so that's, and I was like, let's do like a Dear Abby, you know? And so that's how that was born. Another thing that came out of therapy, a good thing.  

 let's talk about love. I love your wide strike zone.

I love your view on everything. 

What's the one thing you wish men understood about women? that being independent and strong is a positive thing, not a negative thing. Like a real man can appreciate a woman's strength. A real man [00:25:00] isn't emasculated by a woman's strength. and I wish more men understood that.

I like what you wrote in the book when you manifested everything. You just want somebody additive. Like you've built up, you've got everything you need in your life. So it's additive. My favorite thing, Chelsea, I thought was so cute when you were just writing out your stuff. You like to hold hands when you sleep.

That was like my favorite thing. Yeah. For a little bit, not all night long, but I love holding hands period. It's my favorite thing. How's your perspective on love and relationships evolved over the years? like, I went to this. Astrologist once. And he was like, you know, he didn't know who I was that you just, you just give them your birthday and your like time of birth and his name is Jade Luna and he goes by Jade Saluna on, on Instagram anyway, he, Was doing my reading.

I was in Greece and he was like, he was giving me all this stuff about my personality and my purpose and my voice and dah, dah, dah. And then he said, I said, okay, do you have anything about [00:26:00] men? And he goes, no, you're not, you're not here for that. Like that's, you're here for women. Like, that's your purpose in life.

He's like, any man is just a side piece. And I was like. You couldn't have said that better. Not that every man is a side piece, but that's not my main focal like point or focus of energy ever. And it never really has been in the, and a couple of times it has been, it just wasn't who I, that's not who I am.

And I've never been boy crazy. You know, I've been crazy within relationships where I was crazy in the relationship, like, Oh, trying to hold on to something that was, you know, missing or trying to control a situation that I couldn't control, but I've never been someone who's like, I want, I need a boyfriend.

I need a boyfriend. Like I'm perfectly happy without one. And I'm perfectly happy when I have one. And I'm perfectly happy when I have like several options, like all of. Things make me happy. You're also perfectly happy with your girl group doing whatever you're doing you know what I mean?

All of your successes I think mean just as much. 

what are your non starters? Is there anything [00:27:00] that's just like you're out that you won't even get? Yeah. How's that list? It's long. I mean, there are a lot of gross things that men can do, including footwear that are really alarming. I don't like chewing.

Anyone who chews with their mouth open is disgusting to me. That makes me so sick. talking with food in your mouth. I can't, I can't handle like, Bad table manners. because I grew up with that. My father, it was gross. And so I'm like, it's like a trigger, and also like hygiene is very important.

Like you have to take care of your teeth and your mouth and you have to be dressed a certain way. Like, you know, it's gotta be attractive. I've got to be attracted to you. And the things like, I don't want to see flip flops. It's usually very material like things, you know, like I want everyone just to be clean.

and smell nice. Aesthetically, I'm with you. 

Can you tell the story in your book? I was dying during COVID when you had a bunch of suitors coming over, but you would [00:28:00] screen them and then nobody passed the test. Yeah, I was so horny during COVID. I was like, oh my God, am I ever going to have sex again? You know, like if I know you were married during COVID, but like I, the single people were like, What if this is it?

Like, what if we never get penetrated again? Like is it over? And so I, I, oh yeah. So then I was like, oh my God. I then I got paranoid. Like as soon as they open everything back up, everyone's gonna go out in droves at the same time. And then what am I gonna do? I'm like, oh. So I got my own covid test, like home healthcare test.

And I would just invite people to my backyard, these guys, and I would give them a test as soon as they came in. And then I would interview them, like it took 30 minutes to do the test for the results to come in. So I would interview them in my backyard, which was totally safe, like six feet apart. And, you know, by the end of the 30 minutes, I'd be like, okay, you know, I could know if I wanted to have sex with them, but they were all so gross that every time I didn't want to, which was every time I would just tell them, Positive and that they had to leave

It would be a great thing to just [00:29:00] continue to do. Thank you for reminding me about that. I forgot about that.

Put that on when you're on the road now. It'dlet's play a little. Let's get random. 

All right, Chelsea, in your book, you hate pickleball. It's not going to surprise you that I love pickleball. I play every day. Give me a 30 second rant on why I should stop what you hate about pickleball. I don't hate pickleball. If that's what you want to do with yourself, go, go, go for it. That's not real exercise. That is, that is like for slow adults. Pickleball, there is no cardio in pickleball unless you're playing at a professional level.

So I think that you would actually burn more calories shoving a pickle up your ass on a pickleball than playing pickleball. Great answer. All right. Next question. How would Burt and Bernice describe you? Oh, probably as like a drug addict. You know, they are like, where are you? They're both dead though. So now I have Doug Doug is not a pug.

He's a chow. He's a black cow and he's a rescue and he's my most recent lover. He is my best dog. He loves me and [00:30:00] he loves everyone. Bird and Bernice had no personalities and they were never, they would never get jump up or get excited when I walked in the house. They thought my housekeeper, it was their birth mother.

I was like some, you know, harlot visiting and it was exhausting trying to get their attention and Doug now loves, he distributes his love equally. So everyone that works at my house or that works with me, he is just a lover. He goes up to everyone who got into bed last night. I got home late last night.

Okay. I was in Vegas. I do that residency in Vegas. I got home late last night and He jumped into my bed and was just putting his head right next to my head, just like rubbing his head into my head. And I'm like, this is. All I've ever wanted was Doug to be this response.

Now the name Doug, is it from something? No, his name was something else. It was like Dougfaloop or something. It was like a Filipino name. We gotta come up with a good Doug. Doug is a great name. I mean, so that's, but is there a famous Doug that we could look into history? Is there Doug?

Do we know a good Doug like [00:31:00] a movie star? I don't know. Douglas Fairbanks is that, that comes to mind. I don't know who that is. That was before my time. Google Douglas Fairbanks. What does he look like? I'm going to look him up for you. Uh, Chelsea, what's in your bedside drawer? All sorts of good stuff. Um, I have weed. I have, uh, I have, oh, what else is in my drawer? Lip balm. I have lip balm everywhere. That's your thing. Yep. I get it. I always have edibles in my nightstand. I probably have a lighter in there and things get dicey. I have, What else is in my, Oh, I have my little back pads, my salampas, you know, those little heating pads you put on your back.

I like to put those on before I go to sleep. and, uh, probably my face masks are all in there for when I went to the gummies. Let's just talk about this gummies, mushrooms, big old fatty joint. Are just some good vodka. You've got to rank them gun to your head. What's the order? And what's the first one you're doing when you're done with me?

I'll have an edible tonight I don't I don't like to drink every night So for obvious reasons, [00:32:00] but I won't like if I don't have to go anywhere I don't drink like I don't drink by myself at home So tonight is a free night. That means I get to catch up on my sleep. So I'll have an edible, I'll get in bed, I'll watch a screener.

and then I will, yeah. But if I had to rank them, I mean, alcohol is my number one lover. Like I would never want to go without alcohol, but weed is a great substitute. It's just a little bit makes you sometimes if I, you know, I, I, I don't like to do take edibles every day. You know, I, I like to be a little bit more with it and alcohol always gives me energy.

So like when I'm doing a show, I like to have a drink and go on stage because then I'm like, I can kind of, it's like my gas, you know? and then mushroom story. Yeah. Was it, did you give your landscaper mushrooms or you, you ate mushrooms and your landscaper looked like a tree and then you ate it, that he ate an edible or something.

I've done mushrooms with my landscaper during yes, we did mushrooms together. There was no one else to party with. So I was like, did you relandscape your yard? What does your yard look like? But I mean, it was, no, we did not relandscape my, but we got to know each other [00:33:00] quite well, I thought about the test.

Yeah. How did that go? But we've been friends ever since. He's still my landscaper at my new house. Uh, does Doug like him? Yes. Doug does like him. He passed the test. Uh, were you voted anything best of in high school? No, I was a loser in high school. I was like, uh, I was dating an older man when I was young.

Like, and I was saying, yes, he was, it was probably illegal. In fact, it probably was, it is illegal. So I won't get into that any further. Cause I don't want to incriminate anyone. But yeah, I was not, when I was 17, I was like a 40 year old woman. I was in the city. I was dating men. I was like, Oh God, I couldn't wait for high school to be over.

So I wasn't voted. I think someone wrote about me in high school. She seems like a handler full of fun. but I wasn't, I wasn't a handler. I wanted to be a handler full of fun, but I never hooked up with any boys in high school. Like I always was with older men. Now when you go back to any high school thing, I bet they're all like, Oh my gosh, we knew then you were going to be most successful or whatever it is.

Oh yeah. Well, I wouldn't know. I've [00:34:00] never gone. Did you have a nickname from your family growing up or do you have a current nickname that people call you? yeah. Uh, no, my sisters always used to call me Chesty because I had the big boobs, but that's pretty much it. Chels is what everyone calls me, not, not, not really anything or handjob.

Some people call me handjob. I'm not, I'm not, I don't even think I've ever given a handjob that I'm aware of because I don't even know how because I'm not in third grade, but yeah, people call me handjob. Favorite trait in other people, Chels? Sense of humor. 100%. 

 Uh, weirdest request you've had during a date? I guess probably asking to suck on my toes. And I did think about it, like, that wouldn't be so bad, but I also have no desire to get my toes sucked on.

So no, thank you. And then that was an ick. You know, it's like, it's like you shouldn't have said that. And then once the ick sets in, we know about the ick. The ick is so bad. [00:35:00] Then you're done. Oddest thing in your purse right now. Is my purse. I get the purse. This is the funniest thing on the coop. It's not, it's not in here.

Wait. Let me get this bag. Okay. Grab it. She's grabbing it. Listeners, let's see. This is my travel bag that I bring. Let's see your purse. How big is that? What you carry everything in? In the Ziploc? This is like a supplement bag. This just has, I mean like this is what my housekeeper packs for me. Look at this.

Oh my god, she so good. Look at it. All labels for our listeners, everything's labeled on like a little tag and that's a lot of pills. I have Chlorocon, I have Sonata, which is a light sleeping pill, I have Colostrum, which is for your brain, I have Zyrtec, which is for allergies, I have Zinc, I have, uh, Vitamin D, Allegra, Pepsid, Zofran.

Oh, I don't. First of all, it's the cutest little pack. She's got to get one of those for me. Do you, are you into [00:36:00] all the like beauty supplements too? I feel like you're very healthy. And by the way, why is your skin glowing? You need to share that with me. Um, I mean, who knows? I do so much stuff to my skin. I get like every treatment you can possibly imagine.

Hi, Doug. Come say hi, Dougie. 

Here you go. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Her dad, he's so cute. Oh my. Okay. Wait, he would win like best in show. Wait, was he writing on her back or on the front in the video? In the video? Is he writing on your back or the front? It was on the back. I know he's, he was on the front. It was on the back. Who was on the back then?

Bernice. Bernice. Goggles. Oh my God. Um, favorite thing, by the way, thank you for sharing. I love him. Um, favorite thing in Vegas. First of all, can we just brag for a minute? What is the title? You were the first female, First female comedian to have a residency in Las Vegas.

Can you believe that? First female comedian to have a residency in Las Vegas. I think [00:37:00] badass. What's been your favorite part of doing it? Well, my favorite part is that every show I do and I perform like once a month for the next two years, every show I do, I get like, I either my family, my friends, like a huge group wants to come every time.

So we fly out there, we make like a night of it. or a weekend. we get to all stay at the same hotel. We get, we have a great dinner. Then I do my show. Then we have, um, gambling.

I love gambling, you know, I love gambling. And ever since I've moved into my residency, I mean, the Cosmo, I have never lost anything. I've never lost money. I always win. I'm convinced I've made that a lucky casino. A hundred percent. What's next for you, Chelsea, when you think of your life coming into your fifties, your vision board, honestly, you've accomplished so much and you've hit the top for so many things.

I mean, I just really like working. Like, I don't ever have a plan of what I'm going to do. 

 I've been touring for like three years straight, and this is my third special in three years.

And I think I want to do a little acting. I [00:38:00] want to do a European tour. I really want to, and, um, those are your men. Those are your people. Yeah, I know. I gotta get out there. I don't know, I don't have a plan. I just want to remain like. This engaged, you know, with life and I want to like, I love spending time with my family, my sisters and my nieces and nephews.

They all come up all winter long to Whistler. So I get all the kids by themselves without their parents, which is really quality time. like, I'm an aunt to so many kids. Like, I love that also. It's so fun. How would your niece and nephew describe you?

Um, I think they like, uh, are pretty impressed with me. I think now they understand that, you know, I, how hard I work, like they get it and they know that it wasn't like a fluke or something, or that I got lucky. I moved to LA at 19 and I didn't know anyone. I lived with my aunt and uncle who had, Well, you drove out with the cocaine guy.

I'm glad we ditched him. left him in Maryland after he couldn't stop doing coke. and, [00:39:00] uh, thank God I did. And, uh, I didn't know anyone in the industry. I just hustled and I hustled. I still hustle. I still like work hard. I don't necessarily have to, but I want to. And like.

That is the best thing that they can see me do is, is really work hard and never act like a bitch. You know, I mean, I, I can be bitchy of course. And if people are incompetent, you know, it's harder to be sweet, but I never to act like entitled or, you know, gross. My daughter's here for this podcast and she laughs at me.

I always talk about the art of the hustle, Chelsea. It's like my favorite thing. 

Um, okay. Fill in the blank here. Aging is what? Wondrous. Oh, good word. I like that. Describe more. Like, how do you feel about your birthday coming up? I love turning 50. I'm psyched to be [00:40:00] alive and to be working and to have this life. I'm, I'm so grateful. Like I really am. I think practicing gratitude is one of the most important things in remaining happy.

You know, it makes you happy. You know, not everybody feels like they're in the right mood all the time. And I certainly don't wake up in a great mood every day, but I. Make sure I get there at some point in the day, like I chase it around, you know, I'm like, I'm going to get happy. I'm going to make myself happy.

I'm going to write down all the things that make me happy. I'm going to write down all of the things that, you know, that have impacted my life in such a way. I'm glad that I read as much as I do. Like, I'm turning 50 and I'm not dreading it. I'm not one of those women who's like, Oh my God, I can't believe it.

It's like, no, I can believe it. This is awesome. I look incredible. I feel incredible. I'm smart. I'm hardworking. I'm quoting Taylor Swift now. I'm smart. No, I love it. I'm telling you with that mindset, your toast will land butter side up. That's what I say. It's the mindset. [00:41:00] Okay. Chels final question in the coop.

What turns you on? A man who understands that a female who is powerful and strong is sexy. A man who understands that turns me on. A man who touches my neck and kisses me on my neck, that turns me on too. You know, what really turns you on is Doug. Doug is the cutest dog I've ever seen on the planet. Your lady boner every night.

We're going to leave on lady boner, Chelsea. Thank you so much for this time. 

Okay, thanks my love. Bye. Harper. What did you think? First of all, that's a whole new Chelsea Handler right there.

So you and I both read that book cover to cover. There are such incredible stories. And I agree with you when I read the book, there's a tenderness that I didn't recognize and, didn't know. I mean, obviously I don't know her, you know, her much better. You've interviewed her so many times over the years.

The [00:42:00] vulnerability coming from her now, which clearly has always been in there, but I think she masked it in other ways and it was such a cool new Chelsea, you know, she's about to turn 50. Yes. So me as the old wise one on the panel over here, I feel like this whole transformation is taking place within her and she is getting better, stronger, more comfortable with everything that makes her who she is and what makes her so great.

What she spoke about not only in her book, but a lot what she opened with with you she never knew who she was going to become.

And she's blossomed into exactly who she's supposed to be. I love that she's here for girlfriends, right? Yes. She has the greatest group of friends. All over the world. By the way, we're getting on one of those trips. We're going to Majorca. But there's something so powerful about that, right, instead of fitting into a mold that you think you're supposed to do. I just thought that was super cool. And I don't remember if it was with the psychic or the astrologer or combination where, you know, she has this whole reading. And then at the end, she's like, well, what about men? And they said, you're not here for men. That's not what you're here for. You're here for [00:43:00] women. Gosh, I love that is so powerful and bad ass.

And the thing that turned her on was that men that think that women that are powerful are sexy. She's saying, I am who I am. Either roll with me and be additive or move on. Like it's fine. I got my girlfriends.

I got my family. It was the sidecar. The sidecar. Yeah. It's like her, her life is so full and rich and fabulous. And she's. Yeah. Really figured out all of the pieces that like fulfill her and she still hustles hustles the art of the hustle Well from a young age, I mean the way she rocked that lemonade stand That's so something I would do hard lemonade standing you would do just like a little bit of bourbon like down below or just some sort of just Topper it's so great for the kids for the grown ups.

Whatever. I just bar back. I Just heard for I kept looking at you the whole vibe From her was different from all the times I've interviewed her. Yeah. Yeah. There's, there's a stillness. Mm-hmm. There's a calmness. Mm-hmm. And I think that's gonna make her even more [00:44:00] successful with everything she's got going forward.

It, it was super cool. It was super cool. Can we talk about the funny Covid story though? Oh my gosh. The way she lined up the men, I, yes. It, it just come and be six feet apart outside, and then ultimately let them all go. , thanks for coming. Show yourself out. Yes. Like your covid test was. You are now leaving my house.

Thank you so much. So good. That's, she's so funny. Her wit is just unmatched. I love the way she rolls. Agreed. Harper, I loved at the end of the interview and for all of our listeners, my oldest daughter was here, Campbell. So she came on to say hello to Chels and she was so nice to her.

Just neat for Campbell to see a woman, Wisconsin connection. Her dad's a badger. But to see a woman just carving her own path, I always like showing that. 

And since we've shot this, she was going on to ski in Whistler. There was her topless photo.

We wanted the full nude, but she always brings it. Well, her birthday's coming up in a week. That's right. So she said that there's like a full, she's a full camera crew. I can't wait. I stay tuned. [00:45:00] Wait. And Doug, her dog's going to probably be in it strapped to her in some way, or I don't know. Oh, but Doug wasn't, he's just the cutest.

Doug's the cutest. I kept saying Doug the pug. She's like, it's not a pug. Definitely not a pug. Much furrier than one. Much larger than one. I love how much she loves her animals, her life, like just, just in it. She's just sitting in it perfectly right now. Incredible. Well, hope y'all loved that with Chelsea Handler.

Get the book. Let's see what she's going to rock on her birthday. Go see her at the Cosmo. See her at the Cosmo. Yep. We got to double up and do that, Harper. all right, guys. Thanks for listening. See you next time in the coop. [00:46:00]