Letters: Parties, Prom Nights & Pulling Yourself Out of a Funk

Kit, Trev, and Harper crack open the mailbag and take on the big (and small) stuff that comes with party season, milestone birthdays, and finding joy when life gets quieter.

From prom night panic to dolphin disco cruises and a chef who almost sent everyone to the ER with Cajun spice overload, this one is full of stories you’ll want to retell at your next girls’ night. We talk party stress, showing up for your friends, and why it’s totally normal to feel a little lost in your 50s—even when life looks good on paper.

Also in this episode:
• The party that almost broke Kit (but turned out magical thanks to her girl gang)

• How to start a conversation when you know no one (Kit-style)

• Celebrating your mom without making her cry (unless it’s from laughter)

• Why spicy cocktails and black rice don’t mix

• The loneliness of your 50s—and how to fill your cup again

This one’s for anyone who’s ever thrown a party, dreaded a party, or been saved by their friends who show up with bar carts and flower crowns.

Listen now, and text it to the friend who always brings the fun (and maybe the antacids).

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This episode was produced by Kit Hoover and Harper McDonald. Business Development by Casey Ladd. Editing by You & Me Media.

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Transcript

This transcript was generated using AI. Some in accuracies may exist.

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Welcome to the Coop everybody. It's time for another not mailbag segment. Letters to the coop. Letters to letters to the co. Coop. 

Harper. We've been getting some good ones. Such good ones. I, this one was hard to choose because they're all coming in different categories, but I thought because We're at the tail end of our boys' senior year in high school, and so there's lots of parties and lots of social gatherings and we've had a lot of great fun questions about parties and social gatherings, so I thought that that would be our theme today. Okay. I love a little that party action. Mm-hmm. We 

should say too, a little disclosure, parties stress me out when I have to throw them.

At my house and I was, which is 

surprising to me. Yes. It, it truly is because you are the life of the party. So to me, the fact that it stresses you out, and we've been through this a few times and you're like, there's a thing at the house and can you help me think through all the things?

And to me it would feel like not 

stressful to you. I know. I don't know why it stresses me out and how I [00:01:00] got tapped to do that. Why do you think it stresses you out? I think it stresses me out because. All day long. When I wake up, my focus is first on the kids, making sure they're good. And then my work is a lot of output.

It's output, output, output, output that I don't have. I don't only do anything half-assed, right? So I'm gonna have people over. I want it to be great. So the thought of throwing 150 people coming to my house for the. Graduate.

The pre-prom. Pre-prom. And then as we know, I got tapped to do the post prom party, which is still going on. it just, that's not stressful to me. The pre one was just, so, anyway, you guys were 

wonderful to help me. Well, there's some women like our friend Dr. Cheetah. Yeah. Lauren, who this flows so naturally for her.

She is such a, just such a gift. Yes. She showed up with a basket and put together a flower arrangement. That I've just never even seen before in my life. I mean, she's, I know I just had these Yeah, she said Know you did not. Yeah. 

Well we have to, first of all, and we got Casey Ladd, a k Trevor, still in the coop with us.

I did the party, I was talking to Trav and she said, do it for Little Crowley. It'll mean so much to him. It's not a big deal. You told me Trav, it was a big deal. It doesn't a big 

deal. So then 

I called [00:02:00] Harper and I called Megan Mm-hmm. And I called Lauren Your team? My team. AKA cheetah. and to your point.

Gosh, did all you women show up for me? You brought all the food. Megan brought all the alcohol and cheetah. Ak Dr. Cheetah showed up at my house Saturday morning. The most glorious looking like, uh, situation. You, pulp fiction, the wolf that shows up, remember what's his name, shows up and the, and the tuxedo and fixes everything.

Cheetah just effortlessly showed up. And she made it look magical. She did. And, and meanwhile it's at my house and I, I was so moved. I said to her, I'm like, you really showed up. She flowers decorating. Oh, I thing that said bar, bar carts. A bar cart. blankets and pillows to make it look. She brought accessories.

Accessories. God, I love my girlfriend. She, 

she's incredible. Thank you to all to make it done. Okay, so here we go. and it was an incredible party. It was so much fun. It was really fun. It was so much fun. Okay, 

dear Kit, you are the life of the party, but what's one social setting that actually makes you nervous?

when it has to be about me. My [00:03:00] wedding was very stressful for me. Trevor knows I leave every year on my birthday to go be away. I don't like when things have to be focused on me. Mm-hmm. So I know I work in the spotlight, but I get very uncomfortable. I think I worry about everybody else and it's, it's too much for me.

Mm-hmm. So those I don't do well with. Are you like that or am I 

solo with this? I do not. I, I, same. My wedding, I was. So nervous. I had to go outside. At some point I asked my brother to come outside with m 'cause I couldn't, actually couldn't breathe. I was so, I don't like it either. I don't like, yeah. I don't like it when the focus has to be on me.

Right 

now. I'm gonna show up at your wedding and I'm gonna bring my A game. Trevor knows I'm gonna talk to your aunt and your uncle. Right. I'm gonna get Aunt Betty out on the dance floor. I'm gonna dance with the kids. I am the best guest. it's so 

interesting though, because you are on camera mm-hmm.

All day, every day. Yeah. And the, the focus has to be on you because the camera's on you. Yeah. 

even at your wedding, you were having it, it seemed as a guest, you were having a great time. You would not have, no one would've you knowledge that?

No. You had to kick it into high 

gear there and take over and talk to everybody. [00:04:00] You know. Interesting too, with work, when I think about it at work, I'm teeing up other people I'm very comfortable with in that role, making other people shine. Makes me, uh, that I do well and I'm learning through this podcast and the work to maybe talk a little bit more about myself or say it, but it doesn't come naturally to me.

I'd say I get it. Yeah, I get it. So that's why I don't like it. Okay. 

dear Kit and the Coop, what's your go-to move for starting a conversation when you walk into a room and know no one. I've never thought about this. What's 

up? What's up? I'm Kit. Honestly, I don't give it when, I always think when I read this 

one, I sort of, this is such a cute question because I imagine you walking into a room, even if you don't wanna be there and you're just like, what's happening?

Let's go, let's go. Who are you? Hi, how are you? I'm kid who, I was just like, I think so. I think that he asked 

a lot of questions. Like you're very curious. Yes. I'm very curious. Yes. 

Yes. I think I just walk in and say, what's up? I'm Kit like, how are you? How do you, I feel like, I feel like also I can hear you saying this isn't this great?

Isn't this great? Isn't this great? You just walk in and you say, hi, [00:05:00] I'm Kit. How are you Greg, nice to meet you. Isn't this great? I was thinking and get someone to be like, this is great. Recently 

I came to your house Harper. I love Harper's house. She lives right by the father, the bride house. Yes. Just let that marinate.

Mm-hmm. It's always so beautiful. You're such a good cook and like it smells good and there's like stuff, it's very. It engulfs you right when you walk in, but you recently had me over But I did just walk in, I think, and just.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you walked in and, you said, oh, oh, I see there's people in there. Can I have a glass of wine first? Yeah. I was like, oh. Because I came straight from the studio. It was a Friday. It was a Friday. It was a Friday. It was straight from Mark. It's a little 

glass of wine, and then, and then, Hey, everybody.

Hey everybody. 

How we doing? but what I love about isn't this great, or how are we doing? It puts it, like you said, Trev. Mm-hmm. Questions back on the person and. Telling them that this is great. We're in a great situation right now. We a great everyone situation.

Should feel great. We should feel great. You had the Dodgers game 

on any sporting event. I love. I love it. Okay. by the way, on that note, I always say to, or my mom bug says to my kids, honey, when you show up at a party, bring something besides the hor d'oeuvres. Like, she's like, you gotta [00:06:00] bring it, you gotta ask questions, you gotta be engaging.

She's like, don't just show up and sit there. Right? She's like, show me something. Right? I mean, it's hysterical. I love it. It's hysterical. 

Well, so on the same note, if you're in, because. I could also see you being on the move. Meaning if you're in a room and don't wanna get stuck talking to someone, how do you gracefully, like exit a conversation?

How do you sort of pull yourself away? 

You're good at the Irish exit? I, 

yeah. Well, definitely at night. Everybody knows, you both know here that I tap out early and I just leave. I don't like the big goodbyes. Mm-hmm. But I guess if you know what, I don't think I'm good at leaving a conversation. You're, you're not.

When I'm not supposed to, like, I can't. I'm not great at the, I'm gonna sit there and listen until the end and they just be like, oh my God, I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna go get another drink or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you do it? 

I do, I feel like it's, oh gosh, I need to go grab, can I get anyone anything?

And then maybe just don't bring the person the thing, I don't know, like you just, and they're like, oh no, I, you just sit there and talk to him. You will sit in time all 

night. She's so good, like, so solid. Not me. When I start getting sleepy, I'm out. You're out. Yeah. You, you're 

an Irish ex girl. Okay. [00:07:00] Oh, this is a cute one.

Okay. It's a little bit about, it's kind of got a bug feel to it. 

dear the Coop, my mom is turning 80 and I wanna throw her something really special, but she says she doesn't want a big fuss. How do I celebrate her in a way that feels meaningful without overwhelming her kit? I know you've done this for your mom bug.

Any ideas for how to include memories or legacy moments without making it feel sad? 

Oh, I love this. I love that. Well, Again, we have Trevor here, my best friend because I was 18. Like you just threw something for your mom recently and TRV made it extra special by printing. Now I just threw my mom's 85th and we threw a hell of an 80th birthday too.

Trv, and Trevor printed hats. And t-shirts. We got East coast, west coast sweaters. We had a toast in the bluff, bu in the bluff is what we called it down at Palmetto Bluff. We had poodle skirts. Yeah, we brought in a chef. oh, Trev had tattoos printed of bug's face. That's right. That we all wore. the little stuff makes you feel so good, and we're all, well, it sounds youthful. Sounds youthful. Like everything that you're saying 

is like, it's just fun and it's youthful and it's not [00:08:00] heavy or not serious. 

You wanna celebrate their life. I also think we're all mothers. to see your kids show up for you feels great.

And I mean, Trev, we had eight women Yes. At Palmetto Bluff and I mean, we just hooted 

and hollered the whole time. Okay. But I have to stop for a second. 'cause you both were there. So this is super fun to talk about. 

There were two funny things that I know that you shared with me about. That particular trip at the, at the bluff, which one of them was about a boat and one of them was about a chef.

Yeah. Trev, do 

you wanna tell the chef 

one? Which is so funny. So, but what's funny, but I, but I love, and then Trev tell us, but I love thinking about this for you because. You plan. I mean, you did plan all these details. I mean, Trev brought the, the sparkle and the fun, but you planned the details around we're gonna have a chef come in, we're gonna go get a boat thing, we're gonna go figure.

There was, I think a golf cart. I don't know. Yes, there's something else involved where you really are thinking through the details, but also with the kit spin, I feel like that's kind of a little cheeky. Yes. And all together, not serious. Okay. [00:09:00] So. Well, first of all, which one do you wanna talk about first?

Your mom has 

her birthday coming up She does. She does. So honey is Harper's mom. We gotta plan something great. what I do is I kind of think through the itinerary of something that makes it a little unique or special. So my mom came out for her 80th. She came, they were first at the Lanham and I had goody bags for everybody where I printed out a funny picture of bug and put funny stuff.

They came to the show, Harry Connick Jr. Seeing her Happy birthday, which wasn't planned. We went to this restaurant, Beverly Hills. I had my brother come in and surprise her. We went to Ojai and Trevor booked this boondoggle wine things were, we have all these 80-year-old women on a Jeep like hanging off and we're drinking the worst wine I've ever tasted.

Wine sari, wine safari, do something weird that pushes everybody that's not perfect out of the 

comfort zone. 

It's outta the comfort zone. Yes. 

So for the 85th we got, I wanted a booze cruise. But I couldn't find one down there. But what I did find was a conservation boat. Ride tour. A tour [00:10:00] tour by this sweet man.

We're on this like pontoon boat. Yes. It's a conservation tour, and so he wants to point out all of these. Animals and how the topography and this, well, we wanted it to be a dolphin disco cruise. Yes. So we printed up cups that says dolphin disco. We brought a speaker and we're blaring disco tunes and serving tons of rose as this poor man is like, over here is, we did see some dolphins.

We did see a dolphin. In the butt. Amazing 

dolphins. 

Yes. But this 

poor man, uh, didn't quite know what he was. But didn't you say to me your, I know, I know his name Jimmy. I mean, we'll just say his name's Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy. Are you cool if we bring on like a little speaker and he was kind of confused, he said, I mean, I guess so.

I'm gonna be talking the whole time you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No problem. And Jimmy, are you cool? We're just gonna bring in a few coolers. By the way, it's the two of you, your 85-year-old mom, and like seven of her 

85-year-old friends. Yes. That are all wearing these east coast stitch sweaters that we got in hats, Uhhuh, and we are laughing, bringing in, literally I'm pouring the Rose Trevor's man of the toons bugs dancing on this [00:11:00] small pond.

This boat that we're supposed to be. Jimmy. Jimmy took us back to shore pretty quickly. Yeah, he did. It was the shortest conservation cruise ever cruise has ever been on. Jimmy, 

how do you feel about the Casey and the Sunshine Band you're gonna be playing over and over? 

How do you like it? I, at one point I said, pee up the v Jimmy pee up.

Pump up the volume, and yeah, we turned it right. Awkward. Sorry. But again, on our 

left we've got the dorsal 

fin of a 

whatever. I, I couldn't 

even try. But again, learning to laugh and to watch my mom bug. See the absurdity of it. Hey, 

but then can you please tell the chef story and crack 

it? But then we got a chef in because we arrived on that day.

'cause again, this is a 

wonderful idea. You get a chef to come into the home where everyone's staying. Yes. So T TRV found this chef outta 

Charleston and he was wonderful. And he bug had a very specific thing that she wanted. 

Yes. Just some steak and potatoes would've been nice. Just a simple, and he's like an award, award-winning chef, right?

Oh, it was unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah. No, TRV, he sent us the menu that said pecan crusted chicken with like, it was like a very specific and bug approved everything. [00:12:00] It's great. 

That's right. It was. It was. It was right. Pecan crusted chicken. I mean it was, yeah, it was pretty basic though. It wasn't anything too crazy, you know, and bug, it was great.

She just in her 

stomach. She wanted it. Great. This guy rolls out with Bla. Spice Rack. Spice Rack. We had What did, what what, what he having? 

I don't even, it was, it had a lot of flavor. A lot of Cajun. Lot Cajun. Lot of Cajun. He heavy on Cajun. Yeah. He went heavy Cajun. I know that. 

We had black rice and we had some kind of chicken.

It was a, anyway, everybody was on the toilet. Wait. 

And the, and the cocktails. And the cocktails we remember we're sitting on night, this gorgeous patio 

we had bridesmaids night. We're sitting on the patio and uh, he brings out spicy. Cocktails. My grandfather Papa used to say, when entertaining with the first drink, numb 'em with the first one.

Right. Well, this chef heard that he started off with that fresh. Yes. Wasn't it tequila? Was it rum? We had fresh. It was rum. Uh, it was, he he buried us all. Yes. By the time we made it to dinner, I don't know what we're eating, but it was. Full cage. It was not what was on the menu. That was 

the plan. I think that was the plan.

Make sure they have no idea what they're eating by the time they make it to you just said like everyone's 

eyes were watering. [00:13:00] Everyone was on the toilet. Like everyone was on the toilet. It was delicious, but it was not what we signed up for. Again, it was not, we took the pivot. When you told me the story, I Harper was crying.

Crying because I'm just imagining bug who is just. This like, yes. I just, well, but she would 

also just roll with it too. She didn't say one word. I just remember her cutting the, the Cajun chicken or whatever she said, oh, ooh, the spice. She just kind of moved it around and like, meanwhile, I'm wooing that stuff down.

It was the best thing I've ever eaten. Typical me too. Re I'd only pay attention to details. I thought maybe it was, I was like, all right, this is the new menu. This 

is the new menu. Yeah. We cha change it up, 

but we gotta thank for honey so hard because. Again, it's so we still laugh about we, that weekend.

We, yeah. Bug's friends are so incredible. And by the way, bug's 85, all of her friends are so much younger than her. And, it just was a wonderful time to all come together and laugh. It was great. Well, 

it's just sounded really, really, really funny. it was infused with like.

Kit all the way through. Yes. All the way. Just like hats and poodle skirts [00:14:00] and, it was so fun. I can't remember what else we did. It was fun though. It's so fun. 

This is gonna be our last question for today. Oh, this is a sweet one.

Dear The Coop, first of all, thank you for the coop. I have loved listening to all of your interviews and letters episodes. I really feel sometimes as if I'm sitting in the room with you all, which is so nice ' cause I've somehow started to feel a little lonelier in my fifties.

Why does no one talk about how lonely it can feel as we get older? Even when you have friends, family, and a full life, how do you find real connection again when everything and everyone feels different? 

Oh, I love that. It's a really sweet one. Um, thank you by the way, for listening to the queue. I read that that was, and for loving it.

I think we all have moments. When we feel that our life is beginning to slow down a little bit. Mm-hmm. And if you think about school, you go through and you're always with all your friends and all your activities. And then the same with college. And then life takes over. It gets quiet. It gets quiet.

Mm-hmm. It gets quiet. And friendships. Fill such a void different than a romantic relationship. Mm-hmm. Or your kids. And I think it's so fun, and it goes back to that word joy. If you can get [00:15:00] with people that bring joy or evoke a certain emotion in you mm-hmm. To feel that, I think that's key. 

makes sense though.

I do think it's super normal for people to feel lonelier at this time in life. Yeah. Because. Kids are going away, or careers Our bodies are changing. Our bodies are changing. First of all, there's so much going on, just that alone, that I think it's, it's so normal.

So it goes back to, I feel like what we talked about a lot mm-hmm. Is finding the things that you love and fulfill you. Your circle gets smaller. Just find those people that really bring you light. Yes. Mm-hmm. I mean, I know that there's even times right now in my life where I might speak to someone and I.

Hang up the phone with them, and it's a friend I've had for a short time, a long time. It doesn't matter. And sometimes you feel, they fill you up. Yeah. And there's other times that there's some people that it doesn't, that drain and Yes. And I, and, and for me, I feel like that's a, that's a hard thing to kind of wrestle with mm-hmm.

For someone that maybe you've known for a while and you're like, that was exhausting. Kind of exhausting. and so maybe for someone like this, as you're really starting to think about those things and really hone in on those [00:16:00] things that. Fill you up and you up and joy you and I don't know, and using your body differently, right?

Mm-hmm. If you walk every single day, or if you don't walk every single day, or as Dr. Mary Claire Aver said, pick up a effing weight. Yeah. You know, just maybe start to infuse some newness into your life. Mm-hmm. 

Well, all three of us, and I got it from Trevor, and I don't know if you got it from us. The weighted vest, right?

Yeah. I mean, you've doing it before. Oh yeah. You look so cute in the pictures of me that day, you look like you're going war. Wait, 

did I That's, I felt like it, well, I kind of did like a Navy seal. I kind of did the first time because I wore it upside down. Did I tell you this? I've done that. So I put it on because I'm not really, it's, it's seems like it's shaped one particular way.

Right? I, and so, I went for a walk And about a mile into it, I started my shoulder. Like it didn't feel good. And II know I'm not this, like, I know I'm strong, like this can't be right. Andso then the next time I just put it back on.

But then I realized the second time, put it on the right way because I, I didn't feel it. I felt like such a dumb, dumb, oh wait, I love this. The picture you sent me was at the right way. No, that was upside down. That was upside down. But it's hard to tell that it's upside down. Yes. I mean, I [00:17:00] probably You must have the same one.

Actually, probably not. Should do the same one. Mm-hmm. Because the weights are either at the top or they're at the bottom of the back thing, right? Yes. Anyway. Um, I did it. I did it wrong, but I agree with you because it's sort of okay, that's a different thing to do. That's a different thing to, a different thing to do to try.

by the way, great 

letters Harper. It was fun. It was fun. 

The last one, the last one I really liked because. I feel like this person heard this was, I didn't even tell you the people's names.

Oh, I feel so bad. Monica from, uh, from Westfield. Sorry, I don't my notes. Thank you. Monica. Monica. The way 

I was just, where was I? That everybody was coming up to me. Oh. I was just back at Chapel Hill and I, with Trevor and I had more people. Mm-hmm. Women coming up to us to say that they love the coop.

I know so many, so I feel like I'm hearing lot of letters. So thank y'all so much. Mm-hmm. For listening. For liking it again. this has, and asking 

our opinions on things, asking our opinion that you want. They wanna hear from you. Boo. Course they do. I love 

that. So thank y'all and, uh, tune in again. I just, I'm fascinated that y'all find this fascinating and, uh, we'll see you next time on the coop.