The Real Cost of Waiting to Start Your BDSM Journey

#103 Why is now the best time to start living the BDSM lifestyle? Find out on this episode of Dom Sub Living! We're addressing common excuses for delaying and sharing three factors that make this the ideal moment to start. Discover the potential risks you may not have thought about that could change the future landscape. Don't wait any longer to explore BDSM. Take action now and embrace your desires by starting your journey into the Dom/sub lifestyle!

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Transcript

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A lot of people tell me, I'll start BDSM when I have a partner, or more time, or more money. But I'll be honest, that delay is exactly what's keeping you stuck. I'm Alessandra from Dom Subliving, and let's talk about what waiting is really costing you and why now is the moment to start before it slips away. Welcome to the Dom Sub Living podcast. Today we're going to be talking about why there has never been a better time to start living the BDSM lifestyle. Before we begin, I want to give you something to make your journey into the world Dom Sub Dynamics and BDSM even easier. It's my free resource library. It includes access to dozens of BDSM resources like videos, workbooks, worksheets, guides, and you can redeem all of that for free at DomSubliving.com slash free. So why should you start taking action now to become the best Dom or sub you can be instead of waiting till later? Because I hear a lot of excuses, and maybe you've made some of these. Maybe I'm gonna relate some of these, and you may say, yeah, I I've said that before. So I hear a lot of people say, I'll start next year. Um, right now we're getting towards the end of the year, so people may think, well, it's a busy time of the year. I'll start really getting serious about BDSM and kink and my relationship and start making rituals and all those things, and I'll get started next year. People sometimes like even make a New Year's resolution out of this. And we all know what happens to New Year's resolutions. Um, I think it's like the third week of January, they call it Quitter's Day because that's when everybody quits their resolutions. Or I've also heard people say they'll start when they have a partner. So maybe you're single and you think there's no sense getting involved with BDSM now because you're single. So they think I'll learn about BDSM and Kinkmore, I'll take those classes, I'll go to a dungeon, I'll do all of that when I have a partner. Or they think, I'll start when I have more money. So again, like they're waiting on something, and in this case, they're waiting for money. So they won't buy any gear yet, they won't even start, you know, looking at gear or checking out gear or planning, or they won't take any training courses, they won't go into any events or anything. They'll just keep saying, Well, I don't have any money now. But when I do, you know, when I get that raise, when I get that bonus, when I get that new job, when you know things start working with the economy, and then I will start taking BDSM seriously. Or this one may sound like you where you think you'll start when things in your life slow down. Um, and spoiler alert, things will never slow down. If anything, things in your life will probably become more chaotic or you know, unforeseen events will will happen in your life, um, whether that's with your health, with your family, with your job, like I said, the economy. Um, we're always busy, busy people. We're always, you know, going from one thing to the next. So maybe you've used one of those excuses, maybe they sound like you. But today we're going to cover three factors that make now the best time to start. So the first factor as to why now is the best time to start is society has become more accepting of alternative lifestyles overall. So we have 50 shades of gray to think for this. Um, because of the books and the movies, it seems like everybody and anybody knows about kink. I kind of have a story about this that one day I was driving with my mom. I was in her car, and she had a audio podcast, or not a podcast, an audio, an audio book going um on for 50 Shades of Grey. And I was a little surprised. Um, so this was like a long time ago when the books first came out, but so what are we talking like 10 years ago maybe? But um, so yeah, she was like at the time like 50 or 60, I think. But so she was listening to 50 Shades of Grey. And I asked her, you know, oh, you like this? And she goes, Yeah, the they're really interesting, you know, I like the story. Um, she said she had read all three of them, I think. But so it was it was kind of funny. But so what that means is someone like my mom or your mom or um whoever knows about BDSM and kink now, and that's a good thing. Like people know what safe words are, they know what limits are, they know what a contract is. These are, you know, what consent is, these are all really, really good things. And so this is now part of our culture, and so people are exposed to it more, they're more aware of it. Another thing I've seen that really shows that society is becoming more accepting is I was shopping online at Sephora. Um, Sephora is like a makeup beauty and makeup store, if you don't know. But I was shopping online at Sephora, and there was actually like vibrators being sold there, um, other um, you know, sex toys and things like that, and lubes. And I thought that was like really, really amazing and good that, you know, yes, this is self-care, and it's being recognized as that. Um, another good sign is the there's an organization called the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom. We're actually a coalition partner for them, but they do a lot of laws around um, or they they work to change a lot of the laws around kink and BDSM and being more accepting in regards to parenting and work, like custody cases and things like that. Because it used to be people were afraid that if they got into BDSM or kink, because I've heard this before, that people would be afraid that if it became known that maybe their kids were going to be taken away or that they'd lose their jobs over this. So people were really afraid, but because of the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom and the work that they've done to change laws, that um this isn't so much the case anymore. Um, I'll actually put a link to them in the show notes if you want to check them out, because they're a really, really good resource. And part of that, um, one of the things they've helped with is that BDSM and Kink are no longer in the DSM V. So that is amazing. So if you don't know what the DSM V is, it's like a mental disorder manual by the American Psychiatric Association. So it used to be that um if you practice BDSM or kink, those were like a mental illness. And so it would be used in custody battles and things like that to um really paint the individual as this demented um person. And so um times have changed, we've come a long way. Um, and so now um BDSM, these other alternative lifestyles are being accepted as they should be. But things may not always be this way. Um, so that's why it's a good time to start now because laws are at risk of being repealed. Um, we see that even now, conservatives are tightening um with the obscenity laws and things like that. So we can never really truly rely on the status quo kind of staying the same and BDSM being so accepted. So that is why now is the best time to start. That's the first factor that society has become more accepting of alternative lifestyles. So the second factor is that training and support is more accessible because of all those reasons that we just mentioned, that um, you know, how times are changing, um, alternative lifestyles are getting more accepting. So also the training and support that is um around BDSM education that is becoming more accessible. Um so we have more and more BDSM instructors, we have more and more relationship coaches, and we had them before, but it was always kind of like under wraps, undercover. It used to be you had to learn these things by knowing a friend of a friend, and it had to be kind of hush, hush. But now with um it being more out in the open, we see just BDSM education really flourishing and thriving, and more and more people becoming BDSM instructors, DS relationship coaches, um, and getting certification in that. And so it's been really, really nice to have it more out in the open. Also, what's made it more accessible is that everything is pretty much online now, um, especially due to the pandemic, but also just technology. We have um programs like Zoom. So you can attend a BDSM training online. You don't even have to show your face anymore. Um, there's also things like um DM support, and we we offer that in our programs where it's a type of coaching where you can just send voice messages or text messages and get one-to-one support. So because of the technology, because everything's online, um, training and support has become more accessible. Um, also another way it's become more accessible is monetarily. Even at the beginning of this episode, I mentioned that we have that free resource library that's at domsubliving.com slash free. So there is just more and more things out there that are free and that can be accessible no matter your income level. We even at Dom Sub Living have courses as low as$9. So it's um, you know, at a really good entry point. So again, you know, no matter your income level, um, we have free and even low cost. And you can see all of our courses at DomSubliving.com slash courses if you're interested. But um training and coaching has also become more accessible for people with different disabilities. Venues are becoming more accessible and aware, again, because of laws, but just also being more aware. But um, virtual events now have captions. All of our courses and virtual events have um captions. So, yes, BDSM and training and support is more accessible now, but like all things that can change. So we have Meta and Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk and Google, they can take things down or even ban it on a whim. You can wake up one morning and that you know, course or training you really want and could be gone. That instructor or relationship coach that you really resonated with, they may be banned. So we don't want to think we'll we'll get to it next year. We'll start learning next year because next year may it may not be available. So we want to take advantage of it now. So the third factor um why you should take action now instead of later. I'm kind of just going to rip the band-aid off of this one. I'm sorry, but you're not getting any younger. I know that's kind of hurtful, but it is the truth. So many of my students tell me their biggest regret is that they didn't start earlier, that they missed out on so much. That I'm, I mean, you've probably felt this too, that like, you know, if I knew what I knew 10 years ago, 20 years ago, I would have done things differently. And for me personally, I do wish I started earlier. Um, even though me and my dominant have been doing this for, you know, over a decade, I do wish we would have started sooner. Because I think how much trauma I could have resolved in my life if we would have started sooner, how many relationship fights we could have prevented if we started sooner? How much pleasure and pain could I have experienced if I would have started sooner? And also how many more friendships I could have made. Um, the King community is amazing, and I'm happy to be a part of it. But if I would have started sooner and I could have just made even more connections, and I know that there's friendships and relationships that I missed out on because of it. Also, so much can change in a year if you wait. Um, again, we've talked about your job can change, your living situation can change, your relationships can change, the economy, world events. So, again, you're not getting any younger, the planet is not getting any younger. So now is the time to start. And kind of an example of that is, you know, with health problems. So we may not have the stamina to do, you know, a full-blown, huge scene that we um might have done when we were younger. And so I have this personal example of um I had gotten an injury that's kind of confusing, but like so, I gotten this injury that ended up causing permanent nerve issues. And this was something I did not foresee happening, and so um it's systemic. Um, I never know what's going to kind of trigger it and things like that. But so for me, like I now have to miss out on suspension bondage. That is something I can't risk doing just because of the risk involved, because of the things that can um happen with nerve damage and things like that. So that is something because of a health problem that popped up that I did not see coming, that even the doctors were like, this shouldn't have happened to you because it resulted from an injury. It was kind of just this fluke thing. So it's something I didn't see coming, but now it's affecting my kink life and what I what I can't do. And so, you know, looking back in my life, I wish I would have gotten involved in suspension bondage and really enjoy that. I can still do floor bondage, um, and I really, really enjoy that. But as far as suspension bondage, it's too risky for me now. So your health may change. Um, and something that you think you can do now or you plan on doing in the future, you may not be able to. Um, another reason um that goes along with not getting any younger is um if you're single, I mean, come on, let's get real. The dating pool kind of shrinks as you get older. So I know that's that's not a nice reality, and our society, you know, values youth and beauty, but um, you know, so if you think, well, I'll wait till I have a partner, or you know, I won't, you know, go to these events unless I have a partner to go with me. You know, if you're looking for a partner, your options may be dwindling as you get older. And um, again, you know, I'm sorry, I wish it wasn't the case, but that's just the way um things are. But um relationships, even if you have a partner, those can change. You you may break up or or something may happen. And this is really, really tragic. But I had a um just to give you um an example of this, I had a follower, her name was uh is Lucretia. She wrote to me about why she wasn't ready to explore BDSM yet. She said, I'm interested, but my husband died and I just can't right now. My world is so flipped around, I don't know if I'm coming or going. It is something I want to incorp incorporate into my life, but I can't focus on it right now. I just can't imagine doing this without him. So we we don't want to take our partners for granted, but our our partners are not immortal, and neither are we, and times and situations change, and we don't want a life of regret. I'm sure Lucretia wishes that her husband was still around. I I wish our husband was still around, and so we don't know what's going to change in the future, and so we can't keep putting off our relationships, our our pleasure, because things may unexpectedly change, and we don't want a life of regret. So those three factors again for why now is the best time to start living the BDSM lifestyle is because one, society has become more accepting of alternative lifestyles, and two, training and support is more accessible now. And three, sorry to say it, but you're not getting any younger. So remember, if you wait another year to start, you may be behind, things may change, and you'll still be at square one, being unhappy and unfulfilled. So don't wait. If you need help getting started on your journey, remember I have that free resource library you can grab at domsubliving.com slash free. It includes access to dozens of BDSM resources like videos, workbooks, worksheets, guides. And again, you can redeem all of that for free at Domsubliving.com slash free. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you for joining me and being a part of the Dom Sub Living community. You can check out all of the details and links for this episode in the show notes. And be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. But until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.