My Dungeon Night Debrief: New Year’s Eve at a BDSM Club

#121 What is it really like inside a BDSM dungeon? We're taking you behind the scenes of our New Year’s Eve night in Los Angeles, from safety rules and live, performances to playing on the St. Andrew’s Cross and ending at Denny’s. Listen now and join our online kink community.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So, this episode is something I've been wanting to do for a long time because people always ask me, what is it actually like to go to a dungeon? And more specifically, what is it like when you go to a dungeon? And I don't mean in theory, I mean the real thing. The awkward parts, the hot parts, the anxious parts, and of course the kinky parts. So I'm going to walk you through a recent dungeon night I went to play by play. It's going to be a lot of fun. Welcome to the Dom Subliving podcast. Hey, I'm Alessandra, and I'm going to share a behind-the-scenes debrief of my New Year's Eve night at the 910 Wiiho Dungeon here in Los Angeles, California. I'm going to share from the moment my Dom, Jay, and I got out of the car all the way to the Denny's restaurant at 2 a.m. And yes, Denny's is an important part of this story. But first, let me set the scene. So it was raining really hard that night. It doesn't really rain here that much in Southern California, so we all kind of freak out when it rains. And we did have to park a little far away, um, just basically a couple blocks, but it was raining. And I know everyone wants to know what you wear to a dungeon. So I was wearing combat boots, a black mini skirt, a black tank top, and a big black jacket over it. Um, just because we were in public at this point and it was freezing too. And Jay was wearing black dress shoes, black slacks, a long-sleeve button-up black dress shirt. So he kind of looked like Wesley from The Princess Bride Without the Mask, which is my favorite movie of all time, by the way. We had an umbrella and we walked to the dungeon. When we went in, there's a little foyer with a table where they were checking IDs to scan everyone in because you had to be 21 at this event because they were serving alcohol. Um, but we got a special VIP wristband because we paid extra, and so we got to go up to a third level, which is more private and has some really cool equipment. We usually go to this dungeon every New Year's Eve. It's just a really great dungeon. The owner, Tom, he's really nice. I've met him. One thing they did do differently this year that they hadn't done that I really, really liked was that they told us that they would do a little orientation off to the side. Um, they would do it kind of in like waves. So after we put our stuff away in the coat room, which was in the back, we were to go to this orientation. So there is a small coat room that we went to, and Jay had brought a bag of toys. I'll tell you about that later. Um, you know, everything that was in the bag, but we put our jackets away, he put his toy bag away, and I put my purse away, and then he put on my play collar. It's a collar with a black band and an O-ring, and I will wear that one when we're playing. And so he put that on me. And once that collar goes on, something in my brain shifts. I'm in playful, kinky, submissive slave mode at that point. And then we went to the orientation, which was really cool. So basically, it was a person named Taz. And so Taz is standing there and they go through everything. And honestly, even though Jay and I had already known all this stuff, I still always like hearing it out loud because it just sets the tone for the entire night. So they start with consent, obviously, but not just, yeah, I guess, but real enthusiastic, informed consent. Everything that happens in that building has to be negotiated ahead of time. No pressure, no coercion, no weird gray areas. If someone looks uncomfortable, the scene stops. Then they talk about respect. So no race play, no Nazi or hate-based stuff, no racial degradation. This space is meant to be inclusive and that line is not negotiable. Then they go into touching. So you do not touch anyone or their toys or their clothes or their gear without explicit permission. Not even a flogger, not a leash, not a boot, not even something, you know, sitting on a chair. You always have to ask first. And then they talk about scene etiquette. So if someone is playing, you don't interrupt them, you don't walk up and start talking to them, you don't hover too close, you don't really comment. If you're watching, you just stay back and stay quiet and let the people in the scene have their space. Then they remind everyone about phones. So no photos, no video, no texting, no sneaking a picture. Your phone stays away unless you're in a designated area with permission, because privacy is really sacred in a dungeon. Then they cover substances. So no outside alcohol, no drugs inside the building. It was 420 friendly, and so you could do that on the balcony. If anyone looks intoxicated, they're asked to leave because you have to be fully present and aware to play. And then safer sex and hygiene. So they encourage gloves, condoms, dental dams, all of it. And they point out where the disinfectant wipes are because every piece of equipment gets cleaned before and after every scene. They go into rope and bondage safety. If you're tying someone up, you have to have safety shares or a cutting tool visible and within reach at all times, no exceptions. Then there's age play, anything more intense like certain types of wax or riskier scenes has to be approved by a dungeon monitor first. And the dungeon safe word is read, and everyone in that building knows it. They talk about after care. When a scene ends, you don't just walk away, you check in, you reconnect, you give care, whether that's emotional, physical, whatever is needed. They remind everyone that dungeon monitors run the space. So if a dungeon monitor or DM says stop, you stop. If they correct you, you listen. If they end a scene, that's it. And finally, they say no play in the bathrooms. Those are public shared spaces and they stay clean and private for everyone. And just hearing all of that laid out again, even when you already know it, honestly, it just made me feel so much safer. It's like everyone in that room is agreeing to the same social contract before anything even begins. And after we heard the spiel, Taz gave us all a separate wristband. Um, I'm guessing so that the dungeon monitors who are walking around would see who had a wristband and who hadn't. Especially if people were acting a little sus, they would probably make sure that they went and did the orientation. So it was just a really nice touch this year. I really, really like that they did it. Um, because both me and Jay were like, there are so many people here this year, which is good. More and more people supporting the kink community. I did post that I was going to this event in our online community for Dom Subliving. So if you're not there, please join at domsubliving.comslash community. I'll put the link in the description too. But I posted it in our announcement section and I said that I was going and that if you saw me there to say hi. And I did actually see a few of our students, so that was really cool. And I'll tell you more about that in a little bit. But first, we had a decision to make. So after we did the orientation, Jay asked me, do you want to go walk around and mingle, meet people, have snacks because they have snacks there, or do you want to play? And I was like, Yes, please, let's play because I was freezing. Like I said, it was storming that night and I was just in a mini skirt and tank top. So I knew that playing would really, really get my heat going. We didn't grab any of our toys at this time from our bag because we didn't know which room we were going to play in. The downstairs was pretty much packed with people, not a lot of people really playing, so we went to the second level and it was pretty empty there. But we just wanted to check out the third level to see, and that was the VIP level. We really like that level. There's cages, St. Andrew's Crosses, spanking benches, just different kinds of apparatuses and chairs. So we just hurried up and went there, and and Jay just did some light spanking just to kind of warm me up because, like I said, I was freezing. So about this time, I'm not sure what time it was. We got there like at 9:30, but around this time, the performances were going to start. So we went downstairs to watch those. And this is where the night starts to get interesting. The performances they had in past years, I really, really liked. They had before just on a little mini stage that they had. Um, people were just doing kind of elaborate scenes from start to finish. In the past, there was a really cool one I liked with a lot of bondage and even needle play that I thought was really cool to watch. One year there was even electro play with electric whips and even the velvet wand. If you know me, you know I'm not really into that, but it was still cool to watch and just see how other people do it. I think there was even fireplay one year. Um, so that was really cool too. So this year was actually kind of different. The first performance was this aerial silk thing. I think this woman in her career, she's typically a pole dancer from what I've seen. So this night she did the kind of dancing where you're hanging on fabric and it's just tied to the ceiling and doing a lot of acrobatic and flexible and strong stuff that I could never do. Not really kink, but just really beautiful and inspiring to watch. Um, she was spinning in, you know, platform high heels. Even at one point, I think she poked her heel into the wall. Um, but it was really beautiful. And then they they paused in between that and the next performance. So then this really cool thing happened as we were waiting. So a couple sitting next to me, um, the wife, she looked over at me and she says, Are you Alessandra? So she was actually one of our students, and that was really cool to meet her and see her. We talked for a really long time, and it was just really neat to see them in person. Jay and I and her and her husband, we all really clicked and had so much in common. It was it was so funny. So it was just really, really cool. Then the second performance started, and this one stayed with me. So, one thing I wanted to mention is they did have some chairs for the performances. I know a lot of times people ask me if events are accessible. This venue, I didn't see anyone in wheelchairs. I did see people with canes, but I know going up the foyer is kind of steep. And obviously there are stairs in the different levels, but you can stay downstairs, and staying downstairs is totally fun too. There's just a lot of people down there. So they did have chairs if people needed to sit, and I actually do have a disability. I have reflex sympathetic dystrophy, so I didn't need to sit. So the second performance. So they had this, I don't know what the name of it is, but it's like an arch jungle gym kind of thing. So another woman came out and she had chains on, like really, really heavy-duty chains wrapped around her stomach and legs, and she bolted herself to this jungle gym arch thing and did a lot of spinning, acrobatic stuff. Again, a lot of you know, upside down stuff. Really cool to watch. And then she got out the saran wrap um or the cling wrap, whatever you call it. Um, so that way she can do bondage. She had it on a roller and she and her assistant that was with her, they, you know, just kept wrapping her. She was hanging upside down by these chains that were wrapped around her waist and legs, which I'm sure hurt, but she was just wrapping herself up into a ball with saran wrap just over and over across her back and went over her legs and into this, you know, cocoon ball that she was in. It was really beautiful to watch. I've seen other demonstrations with saran wrap or cling wrap. It's just a really, really cool way to do bondage. Once she was all wrapped up and now she's just this hanging cocoon upside down. Then her assistant got out some pen and paper and wrote down what I'm guessing was just her New Year's resolutions or affirmations for the year, things like that, because this was New Year's Eve. Um, and then she got out a staple gun and stapled the piece of paper to the woman who was hanging down and stapled them to the woman's buttocks. And then she said to the audience, Would anyone else like to come write their resolutions or affirmations for the new year and staple them to her? And I will say I saw a couple people in the audience that were getting a little uncomfortable at this. But remember the saying, your kink isn't my kink, and that's okay. I was okay with it, but one thing I kind of didn't like, so a handful of people came up to write the resolutions. And Jay later told me that he did see someone ask the assistant, like, are you sure she's okay with this? Because the woman was just basically hanging upside down, not saying anything. And the assistant, I guess, had told that person, yeah, yeah, you know, they're okay with it. But like I said, there was probably five or six people that came up and did this. Only one person that I saw, and it was a woman, she knelt down to the woman who was hanging upside down and asked her, is it okay if I do this? And do you have a preference where I staple you? So I only saw one person ask that. And again, it was a woman, and the people who were coming up were a mix of men and women. Jay and I didn't volunteer. I know things are done for show, and obviously these are professionals, and I'm not putting them down at all. I'm not putting down nine to ten Wii ho at all. I just thought just something wasn't sitting right with me. And I'm not even, I haven't even really thought this through to think what it was about it, but but this could just be me. And I watch live performances. I mean, I've seen Hamilton and I freak out during live performances. You know, I'm biting my nails because I'm just like, oh no, what if something goes wrong? What if they mess up their lines? I get nervous for performers no matter what they're doing. So I was nervous already. I have anxiety on top of that. So I'm always catastrophizing, but I was just hoping that more people would have like knelt down and asked her, Are you sure this is okay? And where would you prefer that I staple it on you? And you would think that, well, maybe the saran wrap was so thick that it didn't really pierce her skin. But later, when she, you know, took it all off, you can see that she was bleeding in the places where it had been. So she did take it all off and unlock herself from the chains. And it was really cool because she just then started kind of crawling around on the floor. You know, there's music playing, so she was doing this all the music, and she took the notes that people had written and put them in her mouth and chewed them up and spit them out. It was kind of symbolic, you know, with these affirmations and resolutions. And I just thought that that was uh really, really cool. That was just such a nice touch, and I really liked that. And she was amazing. After that, it was about midnight, and when we first got in, I forgot to say we were all given a drink ticket. So at this point, they start pouring champagne because it was New Year's Eve, and you just give them your drink ticket. I don't drink alcohol, I haven't for a few years now, and Jay doesn't usually drink when he's with me. So we just had sparkling apple juice, um, which was really great that they had that. The first performer at the time was actually spinning around on her fabric thing and pouring champagne for people. Then we did the countdown, and it was really cool because the first performer pulled down a cord and all this confetti came flying down on her on the stage. So that was really neat. And of course, Jay and I shared a kiss at midnight, and it was really fun just to celebrate that 2026 was happening with so many amazing, kinky people around us. Then Jay grabbed his bag and he had brought some wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs that have these little D rings on them. And so he put those on me, and he has these extenders that go with them, and so he put those in his pocket. So we went back up to the third level and we sat around for a little bit at first and talked to some people, um, met some really cool people, had some great conversations, and then we went back to playing. He had brought a flogger and his favorite paddle. So he had me on the St. Andrew's Cross, and it had little O-rings on the ends of those. So he used his extenders to um restrain me onto the cross facing away from him. And if you don't know, using the equipment at a dungeon is just like using equipment at a gym. So throughout the dungeon, there's little end tables that have hand sanitizer, cleaning wipes, condoms, lubes, and we just take a sanitizing wipe and sanitize the surface before we started playing and then after, of course, as well. He would usually have me do that just because that's part of my service. And so he went to town on me with the flogger and the paddle, and I made a lot of noise and was able to take a lot. But it's just really neat to be playing and getting spanked with toys and doing some other kinky sexual things that we were doing. And just, you know, having someone playing four feet from you who are doing their own thing. Jay and I always talk about this when we come home afterwards or the next day or whatever, and we talk about what we liked and what we didn't like. And I will say he's more of a voyeurist than me. He likes to watch. For me, it's more anxiety when I watch. I'm always like, oh, I hope they don't do this. Uh or I'm wondering if this is gonna go bad, or I just feel weird or awkward watching them. But Jay likes voyeurism, but I'm more exhibitionist. He's not exhibitionist. I like to be out in public, um, not really to be put on display, but just to be out in the open. I kind of explained it to him this way that I just like to be out in the world. I've I've always liked being naked. It's like I would love to go swimming naked at a beach outside, but that doesn't mean I want everybody at the beach staring at me, if that makes sense. I just like to do my own thing. So I just like to be free, where I can just be in my element and in the zone, in my subspace, moaning or crying or doing whatever, and just being out in the open and not caring who watches me. I will say it's kind of gotten a little weirder now that I'm Alessandra from Dom Subliving, and more and more people do know me. I'm more aware of that, and Jay has gotten more protective because of that. So maybe I won't be as naked and free as I would at other venues. My friend Justine Cross, she has her own dungeon, and at her events, they're really vetted and smaller. So I when I go to those things, there's there's mostly only women there a lot of the time too. So I am definitely more free and open there. But we had so much fun this night. Um, I was so sore. He really took his aggression out on me. But I am getting older and we had a youngest son at home, so we couldn't stay out too late. After we played, we were going to go home, but we have this problem where after I play, I get starving. And Jay knows that if he doesn't feed me, I'm going to become a colossal brat and get very cranky. And especially with it being late at night, I was going to get even more cranky. I was going to turn into a pumpkin at this point. So we ended up going to Denny's. They have a really great plant-based Grand Slam. So we had that and went to bed. It was just a great way to bring in the new year. Hopefully that helped you see what actually goes down at a dungeon. If you ever see me at a dungeon, definitely say hi and introduce yourself. If you're like, there's no dungeons near me. I live in a rural area or I I just don't know where they're at. Definitely join the All Access Pass. Um, just this last month, one of my members was asking, Hey, do you Know of any events in Utah. You know, it's the Mormon capital of the world. It's super conservative. And I was like, yeah, go to this one and this one and here's another one. And she was able to go to those ones, make connections, do some scenes with people, and even get recommendations for you know other places from them. So if you're not in the All Access Past, definitely join that at domsubliving.comslash all access. I'll have a link for it in the description too. But yeah, until next time, keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Subliving.