060: What Happens When the Nightmare Becomes Real?

One moment you're celebrating Christmas Eve with family, the next you're being told you'll never walk again. In this powerful conversation, we hear a firsthand account of what happens when life changes in an instant.

The story begins on a snowy Christmas Eve in 2007, with an unexplainable urge to go running despite the weather. Hours later, a 90-year-old driver ran a stop sign, causing a collision that would permanently alter the course of a life. What followed was an 8.5-hour surgery, the devastating news of less than 1% chance of walking again, and the simultaneous grief of learning that a father had died in the same accident.

The psychological journey through this trauma reveals the daily battle between hope and despair. "Each morning I'd tell myself I would overcome this," our guest shares. "By nighttime, reality would set in that this was my life now." What makes this story remarkable isn't just survival, but how recovery happened through unexpected channels – from brothers working double shifts to be present at the hospital, to strangers sending drawings that provided focus during long, painful nights. Even small gestures, like basketball referees bringing a Frosted Flakes-themed gift package, created lifelines during the darkest moments.

This conversation offers profound insight into human resilience, showing that strength rarely comes solely from within. It's built through connections, through community, and through finding meaning in suffering. Whether you're facing your own life-changing challenge or supporting someone who is, this episode will transform how you think about overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles. Listen now and discover how we find strength we never knew we had.

Chapters

• 0:00 Coming Home to a New Reality
• 3:08 Christmas Eve Before the Accident
• 5:46 The Crash and Hospital Awakening
• 7:01 Confronting the One Percent Chance
• 12:40 Finding Strength in Family Support
• 16:39 Community and Prayers Keep Hope Alive

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

And when I finally did get home, I think there was a lot of soul searching. And when I got back to my house, I couldn't go to my room because I was still in my wheelchair. At that point I think I had enough medication that my legs finally I didn't feel anything for a while, but when I did, I would have just painful sensations, painful burning, and the medication got to where I couldn't feel anything. So, um, but but when I got home, I, when I got home, I realized that, um, you know, this was all real. Like, this is my house and it's empty, you know, no one's here and uh, and I, I know there was a big part of me that was waiting to come home and maybe that would be this um, inception point where finally I'd wake up.

Speaker 2: 0:48

For those that don't know your story, let's go back to 2007. Yeah, take us back to the day of the accident and explain how did that change your life in an instant.

Speaker 1: 1:06

I actually remember, and I remember the first time I was really sitting down and saying, hey, I'm going to. I've had a bunch of people over the years ask me if I had a book and I said no, and they're like you should, and I probably, like I said over 10 years ago, I remember, I still remember sitting down and kind of going back, which is which is a challenge to go back in time and and relive those moments. But I I remember vividly, uh, christmas Eve of 07, standing in my driveway and there wasn't snow on the ground, but it was snowing and I went out to go on a run and and there was a huge pole to just go back inside where it's warm and and you know, it's slippery, it's cold, I didn't dress warm enough. All these excuses of all the reasons that and everyone has, I think that's human condition. Your body explains to you why you shouldn't really, you know, go out and make yourself work so hard. And I just remember staring out in the driveway and just telling, and I had no reason to run, I wasn't training for anything, and but I just wanted to, like I felt compelled to, and I went on just a maybe one or two mile run. I don't even know how far I ran, but I just went out for this jog and, you know, came back and uh, and I remember my dad was cooking lunch and and just was like what would you run for? It's cold, it's starting to snow, it's slippery and get icy, probably, and I just felt like I had to go run and uh, at that time I was also lucky. I just I was. I wasn't, that's the thing, I didn't, I wasn't training for anything that I knew of. But I do feel like, looking back at that, this terrible thing was happening and I was in the best shape of my life, I really was, and, and they, the nurses, the doctor said, you know that that really helped me get through all the trauma.

Speaker 1: 3:01

But, in any case, we had a pretty normal Christmas Eve, just uh, being at the house and and uh, we were planning to go, uh, in the mid afternoon over to my second cousin's house and and um, and spend Christmas Eve with them, which is a typical Christmas Eve. But, uh, but it all, we, we drove back, uh, we left the, we left the party and um, we were driving back to go to church. Uh, I believe nine or 10 o'clock. We were um going to go to this uh midnight mass so-called and that was my aunt's um church and watch my uncle and aunt sing in the choir. Um and uh, but on our way there, a 90 year old man ran a stop sign and hit our car and and I still remember that moment vividly. But then just black, just nothing.

Speaker 1: 3:58

And and I remember when I came to uh and I don't even know how long that was, but when I came to I had, shortly thereafter, I could hear people talking outside. But I remember someone I was laying on the passenger window, on the passenger side, and I remember someone coming up to the driver's window and looking down at me and you know, basically just telling me to remain calm and all those sorts of things. You know, basically just telling me to remain calm and all those sorts of things. But, um, but he warned me that when I, when I came out, I'd feel the most pain I've ever felt in my life and I had no idea what he's talking about. I mean, I was in shock. I didn't, I couldn't feel my legs in that moment, but I didn't really think about it, um, I couldn't move, my, I didn't think anything of it. I think I might've even told him that, and so he probably knew what that meant. But I didn't know what that meant. I just thought like I still didn't know what was going on. And um, but he was right. I mean, when they, they pulled me out, it was the most pain I've ever felt in my life.

Speaker 1: 4:54

And uh, since, or before, and um, and uh, I was taking the hospital, um, it was, it was a blur. I had, um. I remember counting down. I'd never had a surgery, but I remember counting down from 10 and and uh, going under at about eight and then, by the time, in my mind, I would have gotten down to zero. I woke up again, eight and a half hours had passed and uh, and they had worked on my back that entire time, uh, replacing two vertebrae, and uh, and it was some short time thereafter that the doctor came in to tell me that I had to have a surgery on my back and all those things, and and and then laid it on me that I'd never walk again, that that even a 1% chance would be more credit than than she would want to give me. But but that's what it is. And uh, yeah, and that's um, at some point during that time I, I know, I know, in between getting or the accident and the surgery, I had a trooper come to tell me that my father had passed.

Speaker 1: 6:02

But I didn't really. I mean, I felt it, but I didn't believe it necessarily. I mean, all of it felt like it was a nightmare, like none of it was real. And I was waiting to wake up and I didn't get much sleep, obviously, at the hospital, but when I did, and I woke up, every single time was like a new realization that I'm waking up again and I'm in a hospital bed. What happened? And I basically had to relive it all over and over again, because every time I woke up I was somewhat in shock that, like, this is my life now. This isn't going away, um, but, but that changed everything for us as a family and for me, obviously.

Speaker 1: 6:50

But, um, but yeah, I went through, um, as I said, it was about three and a half months in the hospitals.

Speaker 1: 6:58

Um, and when I, when I finally did get home, I think there was a lot of soul searching and um, and when I got back to my house, I couldn't go to my room cause I was still in my wheelchair.

Speaker 1: 7:09

Um, at that point I think I had enough medication that my legs finally, uh, I, I didn't feel anything for a while, but when I did, I would have just painful sensations, painful burning, and um, and the medication got to where I couldn't feel anything. So, um, but, but when I got home, I, when I got home, I realized that, um, you know, this was all real, like this is my house and it's empty, you know no one's here, and uh, and I, I know there was a big part of me that was waiting to come home and maybe that would be this inception point where, finally, I'd wake up in my room and it was all a nightmare, but that didn't happen. So there was a lot of figuring things out, especially the first year, of trying to realize and comprehend everything that had happened and what that meant for my future yeah, so when the the comment was made about um, you know one percent chance or less than a one percent chance, really one percent chance of walking and um?

Speaker 2: 8:15

do you recall what your initial thoughts and emotions were to that comment?

Speaker 1: 8:21

I mean, I think it was the same as as the other things that they told me had happened, but I just remember saying no, like, no, that's not. Like you're wrong, basically, and really not necessarily that you're wrong and I won't walk again, but you're just confusing me with someone else. Like you didn't do that surgery 's not, that didn't happen. This isn't real. Like, yeah, basically, going through those stages of grief that I just denied everything, that wasn't real. I mean, even in that first day, as I was processing things, though, it's like okay, I mean, you know, I couldn't even, I couldn't hardly move, like even turn or anything in bed, and it, you know, like okay, so I did have this surgery. Like that's, you know, that's a real thing, and I, I would tell, but I would. I would still tell myself, though, that she's still like I will, you, I'll get through this, and it wasn't quite that easy, but it was. I'm going to get to this, isn't? I'm not going to be like everyone else, like I'm going to overcome this. And she doesn't know me, she doesn't know how I am, but usually by nighttime, you know, I'd sat back in like that, and not that they were know all negative, but they knew the reality I was facing and what a challenge it would be. And so by night time usually things would settle in that like this is your life now, like it's going to be awful all the time and you're going to be in physical pain and you're going to be in emotional pain, and and this is just what life is now. And usually around those times is when I would say my prayers and and just if anything could go right, if anything positive could ever come from this, then it would kind of renew the faith I had because, uh, just everything was terrible, and so I would start my mornings again. Okay, I'm going to get overcome this. And I really had hoped for that miraculous moment that boom, well, I just wake up and none of it had happened. But I also hope that I wake up and just forget what had happened and I would just get out of bed and just walk home. And of course that didn't happen either.

Speaker 1: 10:48

So it was a constant tug back and forth as far as getting to nighttime and, like I said, usually not sleeping a wink and just thinking this is my life now, this is what it's going to be, and then the next morning having to reset and eventually get to the mode at the University of Michigan that I'm going to go do my physical therapy, do what they tell me to do, give it my best and, you know, just make it through another day and really take it day by day.

Speaker 1: 11:17

That was, I think, when I really started to regain which I think I naturally had a positive, optimistic attitude, like just my personality. But I kind of regained that again. Instead of just saying no, and and you got the wrong guy and that kind of thing, I just said, well, I'm just I'm going to do the things they tell me to do and and get the most out of every day that I can and and hopefully that adds up to something of value so you, you know, daily you were dealing with the mental and emotional right aspects of this and the struggle and hoping maybe you just wake up and everything's back to normal, right.

Speaker 2: 11:58

They're just kind of living this dream and this nightmare. You know that's a lot that you were trying to cope with. And then your family was coping with due to the tragedy and and obviously you being in the hospital and having these surgeries. How was that support from them for you and you know, being there and, and I'm sorry, everyone's dealing with their own thing, right, yeah, the loss of your father, the loss of your beloved ones. And then so help me a little understand about the support aspect there it was, it was huge.

Speaker 1: 12:38

You know, I think that for each of us, I think we each just were strong in our own way as far as uh bearing, you know, that weight that we had. I mean, even for me, I would never make it out as bad as it actually was. You know, even a nurse asking me what's my pain on the pain scale I might say a four or five, but in my mind it's really a seven or eight. If my mom was sitting with me and I think the same way for my mom, she's trying to be strong for all of us and Um, and I think the same way for my mom, she's trying to be strong for all of us and and again, uh, I go back to that, you know comparing the things, but, um, you know her dealing with her loss, uh, probably, in a lot of ways is a? Um a stronger burden to bear than uh, even for for any of us. I mean, again, you know, losing your father's, and not by any means, uh, an easy thing. I mean it's, uh, again, a huge, terrible thing. But for my mom that's someone she's, you know, been with as long as I've been alive, and someone that's been with her and and um, and then as well, for my brother, um, and what he was dealing with, loss, and then, of course, for me, I'm dealing with learning how to live life in a wheelchair and the loss of my legs, and, and you know, they're all. They're all different forms of loss, but certainly the the the biggest challenge, as hard as it was. Going through physical therapy and those things, um, dealing with that loss was by far the most challenging for any of us, and so I did have the support.

Speaker 1: 14:17

I was fortunate enough for my brother. He graduated high school early after all this happened and went to Michigan to start a new season of life, and so I did get to see him more often at the hospital to spend time with him. My older brother was at the hospital nearly every day and meanwhile he was driving back and and uh, running the family business that, even with this accident happening, um, you know, had to continue on. So he was working double shift effectively, uh, working through normal business hours and then coming to Toledo to be at the hospital in the evenings with me, and so that kept me going, I mean, I think in a lot of ways kept me from breaking down, because I really, I saw a lot of people at the hospital that did not have that support system and I saw I saw some people even that had had support and by the time they left the hospital that support was no longer there.

Speaker 1: 15:19

They didn't want anything to do with the challenges they were about to face uh, face, and that was. That was heartbreaking to see as well, but it also reminded me of how fortunate I was to have that and in addition to that, you know, the whole community of Northwest Ohio and and even beyond, in Michigan and in Ohio I had just, you know, little things. I had two referees that from when I played basketball in high school that visited and they they read my care page about how I love frosted flakes. I had an obsession with frosted flakes and um, and they brought me this kellogg's like gift thing of little trinkets.

Speaker 1: 15:59

You know that in and of themselves weren't that valuable but uh meant a lot to me to yeah you know get that um, and a lot of classmates that um, or even friends that were now teachers that you know. I had a big banner in my hospital room up on the wall with all the students giving me encouragement. But I mean it really does mean a lot, because most of the time it was whether it was at lunch, when I'm in my room, or throughout the night, when I'm just laying there that's what I'm looking at room, or or throughout the night when I'm just laying there I'm that's what I'm looking at. I'm either looking at a blank wall or a big banner of um, some kids and some that try to dry, draw a smiley face or a horse, you know picture, and just get like a little bit of encouragement from that. From somewhere. There's some kid that, um, you know, took the time to say I want this guy to feel better, even though he didn't know who I was, but he read about me or maybe knew me, or maybe his parents knew me but, um, but that would kind of give me that smile and um, and I do.

Speaker 1: 16:58

I look back on those days and and, uh, wonder like how I got through that deep down. I know how I got through that, but I have people say that I don't think I could have gotten through that and I said I know the feeling because I don't think I could have either in light. I mean other than all those different things that came together, including that support and the prayers. I mean people really. Again, in hindsight, I look back and I see all those moments and as I was journaling, about my book, you know.

Speaker 2: 17:32

Then I see those pieces come together and and really see how I did get through that. Hi, I'm Mark Thomas, founder and CEO of Current Tech Solutions and CyberGuardians. We know business owners like you want to focus on growing your company, not worrying about IT problems or security threats. That's where we come in. Our team uses AI to protect your business from cyber risks and keep everything running smoothly. If you're ready for peace of mind and a stronger future, reach out to us today. Let's secure and elevate your business together. Oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh.