062: Are You Ignoring the Silent Crisis of Mental Health at Work?

What drives someone with a seemingly perfect life to take their own life? This raw, unfiltered conversation explores the devastating impact of unaddressed mental health issues, particularly in high-pressure professional environments.

The episode opens with a deeply personal story about a friend who, despite all outward appearances of success—family, career, stability—died by suicide. This tragedy serves as a powerful launching point to examine how we often miss the warning signs in those around us, and perhaps more importantly, how we might fail to recognize them in ourselves.

Physical and mental wellbeing emerge as inseparable companions throughout the discussion. One host shares his journey of addressing hypertension through consistent exercise and lifestyle changes, losing 35 pounds while maintaining a demanding business schedule. This practical example illustrates how prioritizing physical health creates the resilience needed to withstand professional stressors—making yourself "better prepared to handle all the crap," as they candidly put it.

The conversation takes a critical turn when addressing the gender disparity in seeking help. At a recent industry mental health panel, approximately 90% of attendees were women, highlighting how men often avoid these crucial conversations due to perceived weakness. As one host confesses, "I may be one of the biggest bears in the room as far as being the tough guy, but I have problems and issues, and I need this stuff as much as the next person." This vulnerability creates space for listeners to acknowledge their own struggles.

The power of community emerges as perhaps the most actionable takeaway. From simple check-ins to physically showing up during someone's crisis, these small acts of connection can make the difference between someone spiraling or finding their way through difficulty. Have you reached out to a colleague who seems distant lately? Your call might be exactly what they need today.

Chapters

• 0:00 Tragedy Despite Outward Success
• 2:19 Physical Health's Impact on Mental Wellness
• 5:25 The Aftermath of Suicide
• 7:05 Men's Resistance to Mental Health Support
• 9:55 Checking In and Showing Up
• 13:40 Closing Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Good family man, hard worker, worked for the union, all the things that line up to this not happening. And then he did it, and he did it in front of his wife. And so for me there's so many things to unpack there. Mark, right, it's like OK time out. He had all these things going well. They were talking, they were planning a vacation, their kids are doing well in school. Their daughter actually goes to school, my, my daughter. That's how we found out about it. My daughter found out first, which was horrible.

Speaker 1: 0:31

Um, but there's so many things to unpack there, because for me I always think, um, you know, first of all, how bad does it get for you to have to do that and just do it the act alone, and then to do it in front of your wife. And then you know, and then have you think about, like I think about everything, I think about my kids, I think about the people around me. Who would it affect? I'm just that guy. I always feel like any move that I make, what would it do to the people around me?

Speaker 2: 0:58

I appreciate you bringing up the, the health, the mental and physical aspect. We all know it's interconnected and spiritual and that. So there's a lot you know and as a leader of a company in this case, you know we talked about entrepreneurs and running MSPs and the demands of that. You're right, it's not just about feeding our own mouth but those around us, right, and make sure it just it just spreads out from there. So we need to be healthy and strong and mentally and physically and I've maybe saw on social media recently, you know, hit that half a century mark and celebrated that out in Vegas. Here was that week ago or so. Prior to that, I just started doing a lot of reflecting right A going. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm going to be officially old or whatever we thought.

Speaker 1: 1:47

Hey, easy, that's the mark. A couple of years ago.

Speaker 2: 1:51

Well, it's another decade, right, it's a big number If you think about it. And where are you at in life and where it's going to look at, what's the next half going to look like? But I had an incident where I went to the doctor and and and they're like hey, like we need to be, you're hypertensive, like no shit. Like do you know what to deal with Right? Like um, like well, let's put you in my. No, we're not putting on me anything, we're not doing that. Let me see if I can fix it Right. Like I know I've been slacking, so let me let me, you know, focus on me, get that exercise in. You know I've. I've, since that was January 16th, I've since dropped 35 pounds.

Speaker 1: 2:34

I see the difference, my friend.

Speaker 2: 2:35

Thanks, I'm making the effort and, you know, trying to hey even at that 30 minute session on the treadmill in the morning getting that walk in and get the incline walk in, trying to make that a priority, even at that 30-minute session on the treadmill in the morning, getting that walk-in, get the incline walk-in, trying to make that a priority, even if sleep needs to be a priority too, and I think we don't give ourself enough of that, and I don't average enough nearly. But even this morning it was like going no, you've got it. Regardless, maybe I didn't get my full 30 in, but I got my 23 and I was like, hey, I gotta get moving, um, but making that a priority, or even, you know, going on vacation or traveling, I still try to make sure I'm getting something in.

Speaker 1: 3:10

Um, yeah, because that's the only way I'm gonna come combat a lot of these other things we're faced with well, that's the other side of it, right you're, you're gonna make yourself better prepared to handle all the crap that we're talking about, right? Instead of just being engulfed in it and getting stuck in the weeds and not having any moments. You're worse apt to handle everything If you don't have the rests, if you don't get the mental breaks, if you don't get the physical breaks, if you don't do the things that you need to do. It's so much harder to dig out of that and you feel like you know there's so much harder to dig out of that and you feel like you know there's so much pressure. I mean, in the case of you know, the thing that spun me around, mark the, the friend that you know I won't go too deep into it, but the, the one friend that got so mentally unstable. He killed himself and this person on the outside, like sound old school Irishman, like good family man, hard worker, worked for the union, all the things that line up to this not happening and then he did it, and he did it in front of his wife, and so for me, there's so many things to unpack there, mark. Right, it's like okay time out. He had all these things going well. They were planning a vacation. Their kids are doing well in school. Their daughter actually goes to school. My daughter, that's how we found out about it. My daughter found out first, which was horrible.

Speaker 1: 4:39

But there's so many things to unpack there because for me, I always think you know, first of all, how bad does it get for you to have to do that. Just do the act alone and then to do it in front of your wife and then have you think about it. I think about everything. I think about my kids, I think about the people around me. Who would it affect? I'm just that guy. I always feel like any move that I make, what would it do to the people around me? Right, and sometimes I overthink that with things that I'm doing. But I couldn't unpack it, mark. I couldn't figure out how bad your brain, what state your brain had to be in to get to that point and do that, knowing that that's it. That's the end, that's it. And, by the way, I sometimes say to myself you know what a, what a coward's way out?

Speaker 1: 5:27

right, because you know you, you got to get out, but everybody around you is going to be affected for a very long time after that but then okay, but then that's another thing that's going to be in going through their brain, like how, what does the human mind have to be going through for that to happen? Right, and guess what? At the end the day, what everybody said was it was his job.

Speaker 1: 5:49

Like imagine that it was his work that drove him to this in the, his job in the union, and it's like, oh my God, that clicked for me. Like then I was like, oh my God, I have so many friends I need to call right now. Like you know what I mean. It's like because in our industry, we see it, we have so much shit happen to us, whether there's a you know, there's a security incident, or employees leave, or employees do really bad stuff, you know, or family problems, right, there's all these things that happen. And so what do we do as a community to stop to at least listen? We're not going to stop it, but maybe we can help it and maybe we can stop. Maybe we could have it happen less if we're aware and we start to talk to owners and everybody in the business not just owners, service managers, techs, everybody has stuff that they have to deal with. Like we eased into this conversation. Then, all of a sudden, here we are, we're talking about it, Right right.

Speaker 1: 6:50

If you were at an event and there was a room where they were talking about mental health, how likely are you to go in there? Right, and that's the thing Most owners would be like oh, I don't need that and go to the next session. But if they happened in there and we were talking like this, I think that changes that narrative because it's like, yeah, shit, I do have a lot of stuff on my plate and my brain's all over the place. So, changing that and making it happen because, by the way this happened, mark CompTIA had an event, had a conversation around mental health. I think Desiree was on that panel. They did a really great job, but I think it was like 90% of the people in the room were women. The men didn't go in, right, and I gotta be honest, it's the men who need it most. From a standpoint of the women are more in touch with. Hey, I'm going to check this out and I'm going to find ways to.

Speaker 2: 7:40

But I'm assuming as a as a man, it's a sign of weakness if I'm in there, or I'm stronger than that.

Speaker 1: 8:05

Yeah, that's what I mean when I say that. It doesn't mean that women don't work as hard, because I think they work harder. What I mean is men are so stubborn and they think, well, I'm weak if I go do that. And to me, you know, now more than ever, all business owners and, for all people, humans. So you know, my point about the men and women is that I feel like, to me, women seem to be more in touch. They understand it and I, like I say it all the time the reason why we need more women in the industry is because, quite frankly, they're just better than us.

Speaker 1: 8:24

Mark, they are, you know, I mean every, every female tech that I've ever had has blown out, blown the men away. They just, they just, they get it, they move, they do their thing. Sure, they have different issues, like men have different issues. We all have issues. Yes, I still feel like they're better, they're more in tune and they click and they work and they go. But of course, like all of us, we have things we have to deal with in the mental side of our brain, so this helps all of us.

Speaker 1: 8:51

We have things we have to deal with in the mental side of our brain, so this helps all of us. But yeah, I sometimes have to be careful, mark, because I have my friends, my female friends, who are like, hey, be careful there. That's not true, we need it too. I'm like, no, you're not getting what I'm saying. I don't mean it that way. What I mean is we're just dumber about this stuff. We just don't need that.

Speaker 1: 9:15

I don't need to be in that room and, honestly, this whole entire community needs to be in that room. We all need to hear it, we all need to discuss it, we need to be open about it, um, and we don't need to be made fun of for being vulnerable on on crap that's affecting us, cause. Um, you know, I'll tell you right now, I may be one of the biggest bears in the room as far as, like you know, hey, I can be the tough guy, but I have problems and issues and I need this stuff as much as the next person. I'm willing to admit that and you know, I I got to walk into more rooms where people are talking about this stuff and ways to handle the stress that hits you and when you hit a wall, you know what are your next steps, cause I've I've been in situations where I felt like holy crap, I have nowhere to turn, I have nowhere to go. You know what's my next step and you know. Luckily I had good support system around me and I and I clawed my way out. But I think if I was better prepared for those moments and I had better ideas of how to fix that and get my mental state right, I probably would have dealt with them even better.

Speaker 2: 10:10

I could imagine that and being obviously educated in that right, Like so we talk about. You know, we're all people and people have problems, right, we're all facing problems. So I, as part of that reflection I mentioned earlier, you know, two years ago I lost one of my best friends, and you know that is just one individual. You know they stood at his bedside with my hand on his shoulder as he passed over, Right, Knowing that his lifestyle put him there. Yep, Right, If I look back further, you know, when you start losing family members as we age, you start losing family members, start hitting a little bit closer to you or a little bit harder. You're losing classmates, right, you know, some of my best friends that I had in high school have committed suicide over the past five years and you start really there's got to start thinking about some of this and how it's impacting.

Speaker 2: 11:10

And we talk about understanding and even if it's like I said, we're all going through stuff, we all have problems and even reaching out to those people, right, Just checking in Especially, you know, obviously, you know I'm part of a peer group. We have peers, we have people friends with. We know they're going through something. Sometimes it's hard from a timing aspect, because we're being pulled in so many different directions. But stop yourself and just reach out, check in on them, Yep, Because that could be all the differences that they need in their world. It's just knowing that, hey, you're there. I've used this example before. You know. We've had, as you talk about community and coming together as peers to helping one another out, right, Showing up at the doorstep and lending a hand, or I remember me being coaxed to say hey, come to Arizona. If anything you need to come, you need to let us surround you so we can work this out, these problems you're having right, Because I was going through a huge thing at the time.

Speaker 1: 12:07

Yeah, I had. You're right, and as we get older we have more and more of that, right, the classmates, the friends, the people who are, you know, I had that going along was a crazy thing. Right, lifestyle, you said that you know, I had a friend who rode motorcycles like a complete lunatic and that caught up with him. It wasn't his fault, but it doesn't matter, because he was always speeding and running around and a truck pulled out in front of him and boom. So, you know, it's like what do we, what do we do when that stuff, when that happens, and how do we deal with our own emotions about it? Right, you know, my wife, my wife, knew him very well too, and my wife would just keep saying you're so stupid, he's stupid, you know, and she's mad at him because you know it's like look what you did, you left us in this, you left us in this state, and you know how did you do that.

Speaker 1: 13:01

And then there's the other side, where I had a friend who basically, now, this probably was mental that led to physical, he basically drank himself to death and we didn't realize the kid was leaving work, going to the liquor store, buying a bottle and drinking the whole thing every night and that was his routine. He would go home from work, buy a bottle, come home, blah, blah, blah and nobody really caught it. You know what I mean? No one caught this happening, so you just don't know what was going through his mind, what was happening. He went through a divorce, but didn't you know. Maybe if you had the conversation with him we could have said, hey, but you got your kids, you know, you don't want to leave them and you don't and you still want to love them. Right, but maybe that conversation just never got had because no one knew that he was completely miserable.

Speaker 2: 13:53

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