065: The WALL Effect Why You're NOT Making Progress

What happens when you realize your head is bleeding from banging it against the wall of repeated behaviors? Lou Winter's riveting account of personal transformation begins with this visceral metaphor for the frustration that accompanies stagnation.

"I absolutely believe in holistic wellbeing," Winter explains, outlining his rigorous daily practices: 5:30 AM workouts, weekend beach runs, meditation, yoga, and consuming a book weekly. But his journey toward this balanced life wasn't straightforward. With refreshing candor, he admits to having been "a professional drinker" whose habits eventually stopped serving his growth. "Didn't serve me anymore," he reflects simply, marking the profound shift in his relationship with himself.

The conversation delves deep into ego management—distinguishing between its destructive and constructive forms. Winter describes moving from being "the apex predator" concerned primarily with personal success to finding fulfillment by elevating others. "Am I serving my wife properly? Am I serving my children properly? Am I serving my team properly?" These questions revolutionized his approach to leadership, culminating in his creation of a succession plan at The Pacific Institute where he now serves as CEO Emeritus.

Perhaps most compelling is Winter's account of navigating his consultancy through COVID-19's existential threat. Faced with an analog company suddenly needing digital transformation, he embraced vulnerability and innovation. "What got us here won't get us there," he acknowledges, quoting Marshall Goldsmith's wisdom on the necessity of evolution.

Ready to explore your own pattern interrupts? This episode offers practical wisdom for anyone seeking to break cycles that no longer serve their growth. Subscribe now and join our community of intentional leaders committed to both personal development and serving others.

Chapters

• 0:00 Pattern Interrupts and Personal Growth
• 3:15 Holistic Wellness and Daily Practices
• 7:01 From Comfort Zone to Self-Reflection
• 11:44 Is It Serving Me and Others?
• 14:38 Moving to the Right Side of Ego

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

But I'm so glad I went through my own pattern interrupts. But the only way it happened, Mark, is because my forehead was bleeding. Do you know why my forehead was bleeding?

Speaker 2: 0:11

No, why Mark?

Speaker 1: 0:14

Good setup, thank you, because I was beating it against the freaking wall, thinking that I could just do this same stuff over and over again and I would still be on this upward trajectory. But I said, man, if anything, I'm sliding backwards.

Speaker 2: 0:29

Help me understand um, you personally, um, how do you, how do you maintain your growth-oriented mindset um and balancing everything you know you talked about the other businesses and your, your career, your family and your own personal you know development. How do you maintain all that?

Speaker 1: 0:51

Yeah, again, great question, mark. I'll say all of the above, but I'll get more specific. I absolutely believe, and I'm reading a book by Dr Atiyah now. I'll tell the audience what it is but it's about holistic wellness, holistic wellbeing. Just giving more references here, more reference materials.

Speaker 2: 1:10

No, I love it and we put everything in the episode notes right Things you reference when you reference atomic habits, whether you reference no Robbins or-.

Speaker 1: 1:22

No Robbins, right, and then Dr Brene Brown, but this is Outlive the science and art of longevity. Peter Atiyah, it's a highly recommended well, the guy's an MD, so he's got the pedigree but he talks about holistic wellness and I want sharing. I want to share with you in the audience that we already know all this stuff. What we do at the Pacific Institute is just sort of package common sense. You know it's a user's guide to our mind and so what? What what Dr Atiyah shares is all medically sound, but it's, it's this holistic wellbeing that includes certainly nutrition and, yes, I'm sorry, everybody Exercise, yes, I'm sorry. And then and then mental health, mental health as well.

Speaker 1: 2:14

Feeding the brain. My mother always, always talked about brain food and you know, being this voracious, forever learner, she also told me about and I remember the Rudyard Kipling the F poem that hung on my wall as a kid If you walk with, if you walk, walk with and never lose the common touch, If you can walk with kings but never lose the common touch, you are a man, my son. That's the last stanza. So what are we talking about? It's self-reflection. I can still walk with pedigreed kings. I can still, you know, just work with extraordinary folks like yourself, and I mean just, you know, military warriors and extreme athletes, but never lose the common touch through self-awareness and grounding, right, Roger Kipling. But I go back to this holistic nurturing of my soul.

Speaker 1: 3:18

So what do I do? Read, at least listen to a book a week, 5.30 every morning. I haven't done cold plunges yet, but I got my guy, you know, big old dude, and we exercise every morning. You know, weekend I live in the beach. Weekend runs, Meditation, yoga. Man, I'll try everything, but drugs. I don't do drugs. I know there's a lot of microdosing going on out there and a lot of. What are they called? What is that? Ayahuasca? There's a lot of that stuff like microdosing, hallucinogens a lot of that stuff going on.

Speaker 1: 3:58

I mean and I'm talking about advanced people because what happens? It gets you back to your subconscious in a medically induced way, or I should say in a chemically induced way. Well, I do that through my own breathing practices and all of the like. I mean, I do my best to fuel my body with the right nutrition. I get on my knees. I'm very grateful, I'm very thankful I get back in touch. Have I always been like this? No, but over Labor Day I rented a boat and we floated down the intercoastal with me and my kids and their husbands and significant others and four-legged fur babies, and it was just beautiful. Did I ever do that before? No, because I was out of touch, because I was on the gerbil wheel. But I have done my own pattern interrupt and eat my own dog food so I can practice the very thing that I preach. I can't preach about performance and holistic living without doing it to make sure it works and I'm telling y'all it freaking works.

Speaker 2: 5:00

Works. You mentioned mind, body, body, soul, right, you know that's great. I mean, we talk about numerous times. We talk about exercising, whether it's, you know, dietary needs, whether it's whatever we're doing right to, to a maintain ourselves and allow us to do all these other things and perform at the level that we're, especially as business owners or those in leadership, that to perform at that level, um, we can't as I can't live off doritos and pizza and all these other things and and expo expected to perform at the level I need to perform right in my business, in my, in my personal life. I mean, even though those things are great and, trust me, I love my sweets like I could live. You know, sweets first, then meal, but you know like you gotta resist that and go.

Speaker 1: 5:44

Okay, you know moderation is first then meal, but you know, like you got to resist that and go. Okay, you know moderation, a good dessert is better than a fabulous dinner anytime.

Speaker 1: 5:49

That was my man, what I want to do, though, is share for those, share for those, that that that should only start the journey by that first step of a thousand miles, by making your bed. I used to not be like this. Um, I was part of a generational business, and, uh and uh, you know, when you're on third base baseball analogy sometimes you think that you hit the triple. Bro, I didn't hit the fricking triple If it wasn't for my grandfather. If it wasn't for now, I quadruple the size of the company. But if it wasn't for my grandfather back in, it wasn't for now, I quadrupled the size of the company. But if it wasn't for my grandfather, back in 1932 in West Leroy, rhode Island, that founded the Panseer Funeral Home, and then my father and mother coming down here as entrepreneurs in Southeast Florida and established it here, you know, would I have been on third base? So, you know, I had a less than mentality, but I was just in a comfort zone, and I had all the artifacts and bling to prove that. Ok, well, I'm serving on this board, and these people like me, and then I'm asking to participate in this organization, and then I'm getting this award, whatever, whatever. And, by the way, I'm just going to say it straight up.

Speaker 1: 7:01

I also was a professional drinker. I was freaking great at it and I loved it. I loved it. I freaking loved it. Never did drugs, but damn it all. I just I loved it and I was good at it, but then it just didn't serve me anymore, and I'm sort of thinking, you know, I'm I'm thankful about it, because the mornings after you just get it was difficult to to, to transition. Um, I remember, though I used to use this quote by Winston Churchill pity the man that never drinks, or pity the man that doesn't drink, because he never feels better than he does when he first wakes up in the morning.

Speaker 1: 7:36

Because think about that you know, hang up when you got to hang over. You just get, but you know you manage through and I'm not. This isn't a tale of woe, it's just as you get older. It's you know. It is just. It didn't serve me anymore. Didn't serve me anymore and I just. But I'm so glad I went through. My own pattern interrupts. But the only way it happened, mark, is because my forehead was bleeding. Do you know why my forehead was bleeding?

Speaker 2: 8:02

No, why Mark?

Speaker 1: 8:05

Good setup, thank you, because I was beating it against the freaking wall, thinking that I could just do this same stuff over and over again and I would still be on this upward trajectory. But I said, man, if anything, I'm sliding backwards and I'm really not tapping into my, and shame on me. I've got more gifts than what, and that's what happened in that skitoma moment in the funeral home and I and now my head doesn't bleed anymore because I don't beat it against the wall- and you stole.

Speaker 2: 8:35

You stole my question because I was curious what made that change? Right, like what you know? At what point in your life did you say, hey, it's not serving me. And I think a lot of things in life, I think I myself know I need to reflect more on and on things in life and go. Is it serving me? Um, whether it's the thing I'm doing, whether it's maybe it's a relationship you're in, the friends you keep, you know, clients you have, um, all those things need to be run through that same thought process. Are they serving me? And I think too, am I serving them? Part of what I would say is like it has to be. It's not all about me. Am I doing them a disservice by staying in this relationship or doing this thing, or it's?

Speaker 1: 9:23

beautiful. I love it. And I look like a bobblehead doing this. I mean, love it, love it, love it. You know, is it serving me and yes, you're right or am I so negatively? Or how am I serving them? And it could be very toxic? But I have a scotoma because I'm the Mac Daddy, I'm the market maker. Everybody looks at me and offers advice, everybody wants me sitting at their. No, I was on the wrong side of ego. And you know what?

Speaker 1: 9:54

A shout-out to a dear friend of mine from Australia, jonathan Grabner. He wrote the book the Other Side of Ego, I believe that's the title. But I actually tapped into him. I did a TED Talk, as mentioned, but he was real with me and it helped me. He put the mirror in front of me in a very coaching forward way, but with appreciative inquiry, asking the question and asking is it serving you anymore? But how is it serving others? You know, how are you impacting others? And that's where the rubber met the road. Okay, am I serving my wife properly? Am I serving my children properly? Am I, am I serving my team properly? So thank you for that comment, for that mention right on, right on.

Speaker 2: 11:01

But it's, you know it, just kind of throwing it out there and because I feel it's also important. Um, so you mentioned ego. That's, that's a tough one. Um, I guess from that is is, how do you, once again, the constant serving me, serving me, serving me, um, it feels like it's feeding myself, feeding my ego. But how do we keep that ego in check, in a sense right, and we don't become self-centered?

Speaker 1: 11:28

Certainly All about others, all about others-centric. That doesn't mean, though and everybody says there's no I in team. I actually disagree, because if you don't put the oxygen, what does the flight attendant say when you get on a plane? Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Why To help others? So I needed to be in a plane. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Why To help others? So I needed to be in a better state to actually understand. I was on the wrong side of ego, that it was all about me, and it was about me winning and at risk of others losing, but I'm the apex predator, so how can I make sure that I'm serving others so they're elevated? And that is what gives me joy now. That's why I also created a succession plan for the Pacific Institute.

Speaker 1: 12:14

Extraordinary new CEO, richard Resnick. I'm now CEO emeritus. He's building out an extraordinary team, but I knew very much Goldsmith what got us here won't get us there. I mean our founder, lou Tice, did an extraordinary job. He was an extraordinary founder. I mean just bizarre success from the 60s through generations, decades, to when he passed away in 2012. And me as a part of the investor team, or I should say, successor owners we bought the company but there was still so much legacy that was, we were still steeped in legacy, okay. But then COVID hits black swan. And we were resting on our laurels. We weren't stretching ourselves. We were resting on Lou and Diane Tice's extraordinary successes, but COVID hits. We're a high-touch consultancy. We don't even know how to spell Zoom and we're still using fax machines. And we're talking about being a transformational company. Man, we're still using the abacus. We're still very analog, if anything, shoebox.

Speaker 2: 13:25

So you're on third base in that situation too, with no idea how to get the home plate.

Speaker 1: 13:30

Oh my God, and guess what? And you already got COVID hit. Guess what. The partners looked at one another and said man, we got to do something about this, Otherwise we're going to flame out. There's going to be a supernova event.

Speaker 2: 13:46

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:47

Who's going to be the CEO? Son of a gun. And it wasn't exactly like that. It was a bit more treacherous along the way, but I said I'm in. That's a dude who didn't think he was enough, going from funeral service to this Now, although I'm the freaking CEO, you've got to be kidding me. And I want to use another word there. You've got to be you know what mate right.

Speaker 1: 14:07

But four and a half years we went from uncertainty, complexity, forced innovation, black swan, event, fragility to surviving and thriving. What got us here? And that is getting real like the monkey going from that vine to that vine we were in midair. It's like holy, are we going to make it right? Vine we were in midair. It's like holy, are we going to make it right? We not only grabbed that next vine, but we're now going to the next tree because I helped the company, along with my great partners and a great team, to get through the last four and a half years. But I know what got us here me isn't going to get us there, and that self-awareness on the right side of ego is unfading the flame of these other extraordinary leaders, standing down as CEO emeritus, if you will, and being this brand evangelist in a way that I can go back to my caregiving roots.

Speaker 2: 15:05

Wonderful.

Speaker 1: 15:05

And so I don't now I don't remember what the hell you asked me early on.

Speaker 2: 15:09

It's not important anymore.

Speaker 1: 15:12

Okay, well, thank you, but it is about the wrong side of ego or the right side.

Speaker 1: 15:17

How do you get to the right side of ego? It's realizing ego isn't sure. Are you going to be the king of the mountain and watch this company go out of business slowly? Are you going to be the apex predator, and, and, and and just rest on your laurels and think that you're really achieving when growth is stagnant? You know revenue is the same and the only reason you're more profitable is because you cut expenses, because there was too much spend before.

Speaker 1: 15:41

Anyway, come on, you got to be real. You got to be real. So and by the way, I don't believe money is the most important thing, but I think it's right up there with oxygen, because without it you can't pay the bills, you can't make payroll. So don't think that everything that I'm talking about is just esoteric, happy talk. No, no, you got to get real about transaction and what I know would be on the right side of ego. It opens up your mind. I mean, your mind's eye is on a 360 and you're more intentional and you understand the artful balance in performance. You understand bringing out the best in others and you embrace leveling up others, which then might put you in a different position out of the limelight, but you are more fulfilled, and more. What's the word? You flourish more than ever before because of the greatness that you have coached in, up and out of these others Hi.

Speaker 2: 16:40

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